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Did I "Blame the Victim?"

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Published on Aug 17, 2013

A clarification on rape, alcohol, clothing, etc...

Anita Tanner's "Counting The Cost"
http://www.dialoguejournal.com/wp-con...

My written account (from the '90s) of the straw that broke the camel's back (regarding my membership in the Mormon Church). I tendered my resignation letter very shortly after the incident described in the link below...
http://mrdeity.com/breakingpoint.html

http://mrdeity.com/donate.html

Transcript:
Hey everyone! I want to take a few minutes to clarify some of the comments and impressions I made regarding "Slandergate" which appeared in the begging segment of Mr. Deity and the Hat.
First, the bit about the wine and my refusing a refill had to do with one thing and one thing only. As evidence of the supposed "M.O." of the accused, PZ quoted a woman who tells the following story...
The accused "was the guest of honor at an atheist event I attended in Fall 2006... I got my book signed, then at the post-speech party, [the accused] chatted with me at great length while refilling my wine glass repeatedly. I lost count of how many drinks I had. He was flirting with me and I am non-confrontational and unwilling to be rude, so I just laughed it off. He made sure my wine glass stayed full. And that's the entirety of my story."
My bit with the wine and refusing the refill was in response to that paragraph in PZ's post only. Please note that alcohol is not mentioned with regard to the original allegation. Only that the accuser was coerced into a position where she could not consent — which, honest to deity, I'm still not sure I understand what that means.
But the confusion regarding this point has lead to people thinking that I'm "blaming the victim" — as though drunken rape is in some way the woman's fault. That was never the intent of that bit. So... just to be clear, let me say this unequivocally: A woman who is raped is never ever, never, never, ever, ever never to blame for being raped. I don't care if she's dressed in a burqa, a bikini, provocatively, or has not an ounce of clothing on her. I don't care if she has taken drugs, is drunk out of her mind, or is, in any other way, either self- or otherwise incapacitated. Rape is rape, and a woman is NEVER to blame. Only a few people know this, but the absolute final straw that caused me to leave the Mormon Church had to do with the idea that a woman could be complicit in the case of rape, and that a woman (or even a girl) could "loose her virtue" even if it was taken from by force — against her will. I went to war over this idea after reading a piece by Anita Tanner called "Counting The Cost." I'll post a link to that essay in the description below.
Long story short, I stood alone in a room full of Mormon men who got a earful of my contempt and disgust for their agreement with the truly outrageous comments of the various Mormon leaders outlined in that essay -- an essay I hope you'll read. It was the last time I ever set foot in a Mormon Church as a Mormon. I'll post my written description of that event in the comments.
Finally, for those of you who think I am merely a rape/sexual assualt apologist, or that I'm simply prone to disbelieving a women's report of rape and/or sexual assault, I invite you to look at what I wrote in the comments section of Ashley Paramore's YouTube video regarding her report of sexual assault at TAM in 2012. (Squeak) Please note that my comments came long before this current incident and show that when such a report is clear, detailed, and put forth directly, I will not only believe that report, but defend it with my very last breath — or keystroke, as may be the case.
So, I hope that clarifies things a bit. If you still hate me, I understand — I don't expect more from you than I get from my father. For everyone else, I'll see you soon. Thanks.

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