 Book 6 Chapter 17 of THE HEAVENLY TWINS THE HEAVENLY TWINS BY SARA G. CHAPTER 17 Much of my time during the next few months was devoted to the consideration of Avadne's affairs. Her father made no sign, and she had no other relation in a position to come forward and share the responsibility. But, happily, she had very good friends. I had noticed that Diabolo was singularly agitated when he brought the terrible news that night to Fountain Towers, but thought little of it, as I knew the boy to be emotional. The shock to his own feelings did not, however, prevent him thinking of others. And the next thing I heard of him was that he had been to Morning Quest and waited till the telegraph office opened in order to send the news to his own people and beg them to return at once, if they could, on Avadne's account. And this they did, in the kindest manner, with as little delay as possible. I have only come to fetch Avadne. Lady Adeline said when she arrived, I am going to take her away at once from this dreadful house and this dreary English winter to a land of sunshine and flowers and soft airs. And I hope to bring her back in the spring herself again, as you have never known her. Mr. Hamilton Wells stayed behind at considerable personal inconvenience to consult with me about business. Colonel Cajun had died in testate and also in debt. What he had done with his money we could not make out, except that a large sum had been sunk in an annuity, which of course died with him. But one thing was quite evident, which was that Avadne would have little or nothing besides her pension from the service. And that would be the merest pittance for one always accustomed to the command of money as she had been. Mr. Hamilton Wells wished to impose a handsome sum on her yearly by fraud and deceit, out of his own ample income. Really, ladies are so peculiar about money matters. He said, I feel quite sure she would not accept six pence from me if I were to offer it to her, but she need not know where the money comes from. It can be paid into her account at the bank, you see, regularly, and she will take it for granted that she is entitled to it. I am not so sure of that, I answered with some heat, but at any rate the plan is not possible. Now, my dear Galbraith, Mr. Hamilton Wells remonstrated, do not put your foot down in that way. I am the older man, and I may also say, without offense, the older friend, and I am married. And Lady Adeline will strongly approve of what I propose. I do not doubt it. I maintained, but it cannot be done. She is not the kind of person to marry for money, Mr. Hamilton Wells observed. Looking up at the ceiling, who, Mrs. Kahoon, I asked, I don't understand you. Oh, he answered, it occurred to me that you might be thinking such a consideration would weigh with her in the choice of a second husband. I stared at the man. He was sitting at a writing table in my library, with the papers he had been going through spread out before him, and I was standing opposite. And, as he spoke, he lent back in his chair, with his elbows on the arms of it, brought the tips of his long white fingers together, and smiled up at me, land as a child, innocent of all offense. I am inclined to think he did secretly enjoy the effect of unexpected remarks without, in the least, appreciating the permanent impression he might be making. But I don't know. Some of these apparently haphazard observations of his were pregnant with reflection, and I believe, if his voice had been strong and determined instead of precise and insinuating, if he had brushed his hair up, instead of parting it in the middle and plastering it down smoothly on either side of his head, if his hands had been hardened by exposure in use instead of whitened by excessive care, if he had worn tweed instead of velvet, Mr. Hamilton Wells would have been called acute and dreaded for his cynicism. But looking as he did, inoffensive as a lady's luggage, he was allowed to pass unsuspected, and if his mind were an infernal machine concealed by a quilted cover, the world would have to have seen it to credit the fact. I put my hands in my pockets after that last remark, and walked to the window glumly. But as I stood with my back to him, I could not help wondering if he was making faces at me, or up to any other undignified antics by way of relaxation. Did he ever wriggle with merriment when he was alone? I turned suddenly at the thought. He was calmly perusing a paper through his pince-nez, with an expression of countenance at once so benign, silly, and self-satisfied, that I felt I should like to have apologized for the suspicion. There is nothing for it, Galbraith, he said, that I can see. She must either be poverty-stricken, or have an income provided for her. She has enough to go on with for the present, I answered. You can provide the money yourself if you would rather, he suggested. In the tone of one who gives in good-naturedly to oblige you, I don't care. You know where the money comes from, so long as the source is disinterested and respectable. I had returned to the table, but now again I walked to the window. But I think, he continued, while I stood with my back to him, as you say, for the present nothing need be done. Give her time for a rope, eh? What I do, deprecate, is leaving her to be driven by poverty to marry for money. My dear Galbraith, he broke off, protesting. You have been on the prance for the last half-hour, for a medical man. You have less repose of manner than is essential. I should say, in fact, you quite give me the notion that you are impatient, but perhaps I am detaining you. Oh, not at all, I assured him. Well, as I was saying, he pursued. Give her time to marry again. That would be the most satisfactory settlement of her difficulties. She is, I quite agree with you, a very attractive person. Now, there is the Duke of Panama already. Lady Adeline says, But she seems to have an objection to princes, especially if they are at all obese. I do not like obese people myself. Now, do you ever feel nervous on that score? What score? The score of obesity. You are just nicely proportioned at present for a man of your age and height. I, of course, am far too slender. But if you were to get any stouter by and by, it would be such a dreadful thing. I hope flesh is not in your family on both sides. On one I know it is. Now, my people are all slender. There is a great deal in that, I notice. He was doing up the documents now with much neatness and dexterity. These had better go to my lawyer, he remarked. Why not to mine? I suggested. Oh, allow me, he said, with great suavity. As the older man, of course, as a question of right, we neither of us have any claim to the privilege of being allowed to help this lady. Eventually, however, one of us may secure the right, but there is many a slip, you know, and perhaps it would be less awkward afterward if a person whose disinterestedness is quite above suspicion had had the direction of affairs from the first. There could be no doubt of what he meant by this time, and the argument was unanswerable. Do you feel inclined to return with me to mentone, he asked? I am afraid I cannot get away just now. Ah, I suppose it is too soon. Well, she is quite safe with us, and we will bring her back to Hamilton House in the spring. Mr. Hamilton Wells smiled complacently as he took his seat in his carriage. I almost expected him to thank me for the sport I had been giving him. He looked so like a man who had been enjoying himself thoroughly. I thought about that last remark of his after he had gone, and pitted Lady Adeline. It must be trying to be liable at any moment to have words, which one deliberately chooses to hide one's thoughts, set aside as of no consequence, and the thoughts themselves answered nandfully. However, there was no real reason for hiding my thoughts any longer on that subject. I had done my best manfully, I hope, while the necessity lasted, to mask my feeling for her, even for myself. But there was now no further need for self-restraint. I might live for her and love her honestly, and openly at last. And, accordingly, when Sir Shadwell Rock came to me for a few days at Christmas, I did not attempt to conceal my intention from him. It is a great risk, he said gravely, a very great risk. Of course, now that the first cause of all the trouble is removed, the mental health may be thoroughly restored. So long as there is no organic brain lesion, there is hope in all such cases. But I tell you, frankly, that the first call upon her physical strength may set up a recurrence of the moral melody, and you cannot foresee the consequences. However, you know as much about that as I do, and I can see it's no use warning you. You have made up your mind. Yes, I answered. I shall be able to take good care of her if only I am fortunate enough to win her. Well, well, she seems to be a loyal little body. The old gentleman replied, and I wish you success with all my heart. She will have much in her favor as your wife, and since you are determined to run the risk, let us hope for the best. And that was just what I did while I waited for the spring, and to such good purpose that I became light-hearted as a schoolboy. I watched the birds building, I noticed the first faint green shadow on the hedges, and the yellowing of the gorse. I listened, in the freshness of the dawn, to the thrush that saying, Evadny. And when at last Mr. Hamilton Wells walked in one day unexpectedly, and explained, somewhat superfluously, that he had come, I could have thrown up my hat and cheered, but without the ladies, he added. Have you left them behind you? I demanded, trying not to look blank. Yes, he answered very slowly, then added, at Hamilton House. I suppose nobody ever thought of kicking anything so slender as Mr. Hamilton Wells, or associated such vulgar ideas would have been involved in the suspicion of a deliberate intention to sell you with a person of such courteous and distinguished manners. But one did occasionally wonder what he was like at school, and if blessings and abuse were often showered on him, then, at one and the same time, as had come to be the case in later life, he had come to ask me to dinner that evening, and when I arrived he was standing on the hearth rug, gracefully, with a palm leaf fan in his hand. Evadny greeted me quietly, Lady Adelang with affectionate cordiality, and Diavolo, who was the only other member of the party, with a grave yet bright demeanor, which made him more like his uncle Don, a miniature than ever. In the spring Mr. Hamilton Wells observed precisely, waving his fan to emphasize each word, and addressing a remote angle of the cornice. In the spring a young man's fancy lightly turns to thoughts of love. Diavolo fleshed crimson. Lady Adelang looked annoyed, but Evadny sat pale and still. As if she had not heard, I was right about her not being likely to leave her affairs in anybody's hands. Very soon after her arrival she insisted upon having an accurate statement of accounts, and begged me to go over to Hamilton House one morning to render it. As she found Mr. Hamilton Wells quite unapproachable on the subject, she received me in the morning room alone, and began at once in the most business-like way. Mr. Hamilton Wells' reticence convinces me that I am a beggar, she said cheerfully. Tell me the exact sum I have to depend upon. I named it. Oh, then she proceeded. The question is, what shall I do? I cannot possibly live in the world, you know, on such a sum as that. What do you propose to do? I asked. Her tone having suggested some definite plan already formed. Go into a sisterhood. I think, she answered. Nonsense, I exclaimed. She raised her eyebrows. I beg your pardon, I said, but you are not fit for such a life. Why, in a month you would be seeing visions and dreaming dreams. But I am afraid I shall do that now in any case, wherever I am, she sighed, and then she added, smiling at her own cynicism. And I think I had better go where such things can be turned to good account. I have no horrid thoughts, by the way, since I left, as you like it, but of course I shall relapse. No, you will not. I blurted out, if you marry happily. Her face flushed all over at the word. Will you, Evadny, I proceeded, or rather could you be happy with me? She rose and made me a deep curtsy. Thank you, she answered scornfully, for your kind consideration, Sir George Galbraith. I always thought you the most disinterested person I ever knew, but I had no idea that even you could go so far as that. And then she left me alone with my consternation. How in the name of all that is perplexing had I offended her? Lady Adeline came in at that moment, and I put the question to her, telling her exactly what I had said. She burst out laughing. My dear George, she exclaimed, Forgive me, I can't help it, but don't you think yourself you were a little bit abrupt? You do not seem to have mentioned the fact that you feel any special affection for Evadny. It did not occur to you to protest that you loved her, for instance? No, it did not, I answered. I should think that the fact is patent enough without protestations. She may have overlooked it. All the same, Lady Adeline suggested, still laughing at me. I would advise you to find out the next time you have a chance. Where is she? I demanded, going toward the door. Oh, you won't see her again today. You may be sure. She rejoined. And it is just as well. You bear. If you mean to make love to her with that kind of countenance. But I would not be advised. I strode straight up to her room, which I happened to know and knocked at the door. She answered, Come in. Evidently not expecting me. And when she saw who it was she was furious. I cannot understand what you mean by such conduct. She exclaimed, Well, then I'll make you understand. I retorted. Mr. Hamilton Wells insinuated afterward that Evadney only accepted me to save her life, but I protested against the libel. I have never, to my certain knowledge, uttered a rough word either to or before my little lady in the whole course of our acquaintance. But why? When she loved me. She should have gone off in that ridiculous tantrum, simply because I did not begin by expressing my love for her. I shall never be able to understand. She might have been sure that I should have enough to say on that subject as soon as I was accepted. The day after the engagement was announced Diavolo called upon me, needless to say he found me in the seventh heaven. I had been walking about the house unable to settle anything. And when I heard he had come I thought it was to congratulate me. And I hurried down. But the first glimpse of his face caused my heart to contract ominously. Well, you have played me a nice trick. He said, with concentrated bitterness, both of you, you knew what my intentions were and you gave me no hint of your own. You preferred to steal a march on me. I could not have imagined such a thing possible from you. I should have supposed that you would have thought such underhand conduct low. Diavolo, I gasped. Are you an earnest? Am I an earnest? he ejaculated. Look at me. I suppose you think I am incapable of deep feeling. If only I had known, I exclaimed. Yet how could I guess? The difference of age. And Diavolo, my dear boy, believe me, I do sympathize with you most sincerely. This is a bitter drop in the cup for me. But, but even if I had known, will it make it any worse for you if I say it? It is me she loves. She would not have accepted anyone but me. Even if I had withdrawn in your favor, he waved his hand to stop me. Don't distress yourself, he said. It is fate. We are to be punished with extinction as a family for the sins of our forefathers. My case will be the same as Uncle Don's. Only, he added suddenly, and clenched his fists. Only, if you treat her badly, I'll blow your brains out. I hope you will, I answered. He looked hard at me with a pained expression in his eyes. I'm a fool, he said. Forgive me. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm mad with disappointment and grief and rage. Of course, if she loves you, I never had a chance. Yet the possibility of giving me one had you known occurred to you. Well, I will show you that I can be as generous as you are. He held out his hand. I, I congratulate you. He faltered. Only, make her happy. But I know you will. He felt about for his hat, and, having found it, walked with an uncertain step toward the door, blinded with tears, I stood long as he had left me. Ah, brother, have you not full oft found, even as the Roman did, that in life's most delicious draught, that in life's most delicious draught, surjit, amari, a liquid. Lady Adeline met me sadly the next time I went to Hamilton House. Do you blame me? I faltered. No, oh no. She generously responded, none of us, not one of us, not even Angelica, suspected for a moment that he was in earnest. It had been his wolf cry, you know, all his life. Evadney herself has no inkling of the truth. I hope she never will, I said. If it rests with Diavolo, she will not, his mother answered, proud of him, and with good cause. It is a salient feature of the morning quest family history that not one of them ever had a great grief, which they did not make, in the long run, a source of joy to other people. Diavolo's first impulse was to go and see service abroad, but he soon abandoned that idea. Although it would have afforded him the distraction he so sorely needed, and resigned his commission instead, and then took up his abode at Morn in order to devote himself to his grandfather entirely. And it was in Diavolo's companionship that the latter found the one great pleasure and solace of his declining years. The old Duke had been wont to say of Diavolo at his worst, that lad is a gentle man at heart, and, mark my words, he will prove himself so yet, and so he has. His was the first and loveliest present Evadny received. He did not come to her second wedding, but then nobody else did accept his father and mother, for it pleased us all to keep the ceremony as quiet and private as possible, so that his absence was not significant. And, afterward, he rather made a point, if anything, of not avoiding us in any way. In fact, the only change I noticed in him was that he never again made any of those laughing protestations of love and devotion to Evadny, with which he used to amuse us all in the dark days of her captivity. The Heavenly Twins by Sarah G. Chapter 18 We were married in London, and when the final arrangements were being discussed, I asked her where she would like to go after the ceremony. Oh, let us go home, Don, she said. She insisted on calling me Don. I told her the name conveyed no idea to me, but she answered that I was obtuse, and she was sure I should grow to love it in time, even if I did not understand it. If it were only because it was fetish, and nobody could use it but herself, to which extent, by the way, I was very soon able to endorse her opinion. Don't let us go to nasty foreign hotels. I hate traveling, and I hate sightseeing. The kind of sightseeing one does for the sake of singing. We will go home and be happy. No place could be half so beautiful to me as yours is now, that she should call it home at once, and long to be settled there was a good omen, I thought. But she was happy, beyond all possibility of a doubt, in the anticipation of her life with me. Soon after a return I took her into Morning Quest, and left her to lunch with her aunt, Mrs. Orton Begg. I had business on the other side of the city, which detained me for some hours. And when at last I could get away, I hurried back, being naturally impatient to rejoin her. Mrs. Orton Begg was alone in the drawing room, and I suppose something in the expression of my face amused her, for she laughed. An answer to question I had not asked. Out there, she said, meaning in the garden. I turned and looked through the open French window, and instantly that haunting ghost of an indefinite recollection was laid. Evadny was sleeping in a high-backed chair, with a creeper-curtained, old brick wall for a background, and half her face concealed by a large summer hat, which she held in her hand. I thought you would remember when you saw her so, said Mrs. Orton Begg. It was just after that unhappy marriage fiasco. She had run away and sought an asylum here. And when you were so struck by her appearance, I could not help thinking it was a thousand pities that you had not met before it was too late. And then you asked me to use the Scottish gift of second sight. I was thinking at the moment that she was the kind of girlie I should choose for a wife. And so I said she should marry a man called George, which made it doubly a Delphic oracle for vagueness to me, said Mrs. Orton Begg. Because Colonel Cahoon's name was also George. Now, this is a singular coincidence, I exclaimed. Ah, she ejaculated, but I do not talk of coincidences. There is a special providence, you know, which deserts Edith and protects Evadny. You are incorrigible. You are demon worshipper. The infinite good gives us the knowledge and power if we will use it. Evadny was a seventh wave. The seventh waves of humanity must suffer, you said. We looked at each other. The oracle was ominous. But surely she has suffered enough. Heaven grant her happiness at last. Amen, I answered fervently. As soon as we were settled, I tried to order her life so as to take her mind completely out of the old groove. I kept her constantly out of doors and never let her sit and so alone, for one thing, or lounge in easy chairs, or do anything else that is innervating. I made her ride, too, and rise regularly in the morning, not too early, for that is as injurious in one way as too late is in another. The latter innervates, but the former exhausts. Regularity is the best discipline. I taught her also to shoot at a mark and took her into the covards in the autumn, but she could not bear the sight of suffering creatures. And, unfortunately, she wounded a bird the first time we were out. And I was never able to persuade her to shoot at another. However, there was active exercise enough for her without that, so long as she was able to take it. And when it became necessary to curtail the amount, she drove both morning and afternoon and took short walks and potted about the grounds in between times. I had bought, as you like it, while she was abroad with the Hamilton Welles and had had the whole place pulled down and the sight converted into a plantation so that no trace was left of that episode to vex her. In fact, I had done all that I could think of as likely in any way to help her to re-establish her health and, certainly, she was very happy. Everything I wished her to do seemed to be a pleasure to her and mind and body grew rapidly so vigorous that I lost all fear for her. She said she was a new creature and she looked at, when we had been married about a year, Sir Shadwell Rock came to pay us a visit. Evadney was quite at her best then and I introduced her to him triumphantly. He asked about her progress with kindly interest when we were alone together and declared heartily that she was certainly to all appearance thoroughly restored, that he was quite in love with her himself and hoped to see her in the van of the new movement yet. She took to the dear old man and told him his great reputation did not frighten her one bit and she would lean on his arm familiarly out in the grounds, pelt him with gorse blossom, fill his pockets with rose leaves surreptitiously till they bulge out like bags behind and keep him smiling perpetually at her pretty ways. He had been going abroad for a holiday but we persuaded him to stay with us instead and when we parted with him at last reluctantly he declared that Evadney had made him young again and the wrinkles were all smoothed out. His last words to me were, So far so good Galbraith and I knew he meant to warn as well as to congratulate. Don't keep her in cotton wool too much. Make her face sickness and suffering while she is well herself. Take warning by the smallpox epidemic. She has no morbid horror of that subject because she knows practically how much can be done for the sufferers. If she devote herself to good works she will be sanguine because so much is being accomplished instead of dwelling despondently on the hopeless amount there is still to do. Soon after this, however, I began to hope that a new interest in life was coming to cure her of all morbid moods forever. I was anxious at first but she was so quietly happy in the prospect herself and she continued so well in spite of the drain upon her strength that I soon took heart again. You have got to be very young Don since I was so good as to marry you. She said to me one day she had come in with some flowers for me and had caught me whistling instead of working. Sir Shadwell had consented, in his usual kind and generous way, to share the responsibility of this time with me. He came down to us for an occasional weekend just to see how she progressed and his observations, like my own, continued to be satisfactory. It was a crucial test we knew if we could carry her safely through this trying time she would be able to take her proper place with the best of her sex in the battle of life to fight with them and for them which was what we both ardently desired to see her do. There had never been a word of the mental malady since Cajun's death. I had judged it well to let her forget she had ever suffered so if she could and I had no reason to suspect that she ever thought of it. She had had hours and even days of depression since our marriage but had always been able to account for them satisfactorily and now although of course she got down at times she was less often so than as usually the case under the circumstances and was always easily consoled. She paid me a visit in my study one day. She had a habit of coming occasionally when I was at work a habit that happily emphasized the difference between my solitary bachelor days and these. She was shy of her caresses as a rule but would occasionally make my knee her seat if it happened to suit her convenience while she filled the flower vases on my table or she would stand behind me with her hands clasped around my neck and lean her cheek against my hair. She did so now. You love your work Don don't you? She said yes sweetheart. I answered next to you. It is the great delight of my life but Don you find it all absorbing don't you? No not all absorbing now but sufficiently so to be a comfort to you if you ever had any great grief. After the first shock you would return to your old pursuits would you not? And by and by you would find solace in them. I unclasped her hands from my neck and drew her round to me. There was a new note in her voice that sounded ominous. What is the trouble little woman? I whispered when I had her safe in my arms. I don't think I could die and leave you Don if I thought you would be miserable. Well then don't allow yourself to entertain any doubt on the subject. I answered for I should be more than miserable. I should never care for anything in the world again. But if I should have to die there is no need to distress either yourself or me by such an idle supposition Evadni. I answered there is not the slightest occasion for alarm. I am not alarmed. She said and then she was silent. A few days later I found her sitting on the floor in the library reading a book she had taken from one of the lower shelves. It was a book of Sir Shadwell Rocks on the heredity of vice. I took it from her gently. Remarking as I did so. I would rather you did not read these things just now Evadni. I suppose you agree with Sir Shadwell Rock. She said let me help you up. I answered do you she persisted. Of course he is our chief authority. I answered but promise me Evadni not to look at any of those books again without consulting me. I shall be having you like the medical students who imagine they have symptoms of every disease they study. It would mark a strange change in my mind. She answered for I used to be able to study any subject of the kind without being affected in that way. That her mind had changed alas or rather that it had been injured by friction and pressure of the restrictions imposed upon it was the suspicion which necessitated my present precaution but I could not say so. She held out her hands for me to help her to rise. Why are women kept in the dark about these things? She said pointing to the books on heredity. Why are we never taught as you are? We are the people to be informed. You are quite right. I said it is criminal to withhold knowledge from any woman who has the capacity to acquire it but there is a time for everything. You know my sweetheart. Now that poor Colonel Kahun she went on as if I had not spoken. He for one should never have been born. With his ancestry he must have come into the world fordoomed to a life of dissipation and disease. It is awful to think we may any of us become the parents of people who can't be moral without upsetting the whole natural order of the universe. Oh Don, it is dreadful to know it but it is sinful to be ignorant of the fact. But there is no fear for our children. Evadni, I said, ah that is what I want to know. She exclaimed, clasping her hands round my arm. Come out into the grounds then, sweetheart. I answered, affecting a cheerfulness I was far from feeling and I will tell you the whole family history. I had to go out that evening to see a serious case in consultation with a brother practitioner. I had ordered the dog cart for ten o'clock and Evadni came out into the hall with me from the drawing room where I had been reading to her since dinner. When it was brought round, must you go? She said listlessly. She said listlessly. I am afraid I must, I answered. It is a matter of life and death. But why shouldn't you come too? It will be much better than staying here alone. I ought to have thought of it sooner. Do come. I will send the dog cart back and have the brohame. It would delay you, she said, hesitating. Oh no, two horses in the brohame will get over the ground faster than one in the dog cart. Come, let me get you some wraps. But when we arrive, my presence will be an inconvenience. She objected, in no way. I answered, it will not be a long business. And you can wait very well in the carriage with a book and a lamp. She came out and looked at the night. Still undecided, the weather was damp and uninviting. I don't think I'll go, Don, she said, shivering. Goodbye and safe home to you. As I drove along, I cast about in my own mind for a suitable companion for Evadni, someone who would vary the monotony for her when I had to be out. She had no lady loves. As so many women have, Mrs. Orton Begg was at Frailingay again, and Lady Adeline was the only other friend I knew of who would be congenial just then. But she had multifarious duties of her own to attend to, and it would not have been fair to ask her, especially as she was sure to come if she knew she was wanted. However great the inconvenience to herself, I knew nothing at that time of two other friends of Evadni's, Mrs. Silinger and Mrs. Malcomson, to whom I afterward learned that she was much attached, owing, I think, to the unnatural habit of reticence, which had been forced upon her. She had not mentioned them to me. Although she continued to correspond with them, it took her some time to realize that every interest of hers was matter of moment to me. A certain Colonel and Mrs. Guthrie Brimston had recently settled in the neighborhood in order, as they gave out, to be near the Morning Quest family, with whom they claimed relationship on the ground, I believe, that they also were Guthrie's. Colonel Guthrie Brimston led people to suppose that he had left the service entirely on the Duke's account. His disinterested intention being to vary the monotony for the poor old gentleman during his declining years, they had claimed Evadni's acquaintance with effusion, but she had not responded very cordially, let them have a carriage and horses whenever they like, Don, she said, and give them plenty to eat, but don't otherwise encourage them to come here. Recollecting which, I now inferred that Mrs. Guthrie Brimston would not answer my present purpose at all, this was the first time Evadni had shown any objection to being left alone. She used to insist upon my going away sometimes, because, she said, I should be so very glad to come back to her, but she was never exacting in any way, and never out of temper, and she had such pretty ways as a wife, little endearing womanly ways which one felt to be the spontaneous outcome of tenderness untold and inexpressible. It was strange how her presence pervaded the house, strange to me that one little body could make such a difference, foolishly fond if you like, but if every man could care as much for a woman, Hallowed would be her name, and the strife beginning uncertainties of heaven and hell would be allowed to lapse in order to make room for healthy human happiness. Our hearts have been starved upon fables long enough, we demand some certainty, and as knowledge increases, waging its inexorable war of extermination against evil, our beautiful old earth will be allowed to be lovable, and life a blessing, and death itself only a last sweet sleep, neither to be sought nor shunned, the soothing sinking down on hard-earned holy rest from which, if we arise again, it shall not be to suffer, no life could be fuller of promise than mine at this moment, nothing was wanting but the patter of little feet about the house, and they were coming, doubts and fears were latent for once, my hopes were limitless, my content was extreme. May you have quiet rest tonight, my darling, may your heart grow strong, and your faith in man revive at last. About halfway to my destination, I met the gentle man who asked me out in consultation, returning, he was on his way to my house to tell me that the patient was dead, my presence therefore could be of no avail, and I turned back also, I had not been absent more than an hour, but I found, unentering the house, that Evadney had already retired, it was a good sign, I thought, as she had been rather fidgety the whole day, I had some letters to write, and went at once to my study for the purpose, taking a candle with me from the hall, the servants, not expecting me back until late, had turned out most of the lights downstairs, the lamp in my study, however, was still burning, it stood on the writing table, and the first thing I saw, unentering the room, was a letter lying conspicuously on the blotting pad, it was from Evadney to me, she had evidently intended me to get it in the morning, for a tray was always left for me in the dining room in case I should be hungry when I came in late, and my chances were all against my going to the study again that night, I put my candle down, and tore the note open with trembling hands, the first few lines were enough, I am haunted by a terrible fear, she wrote, I have tried again and again to tell you, but I never could, you would not see that it is prophetic, as I do, in case of our death, nothing to save my daughter from Edith's fate, better both die at once, so I gathered the contents, no time to read, I crumpled the note into my pocket, my laboring breath impeded my progress a moment, but thank heaven, I was not paralyzed, involuntarily I glanced at my laboratory, it was an inner room, kept locked as a rule, but the door was open now, as I knew I had expected it to be, I seized the candle and went to the shelf, where I kept the bottles with the ominous red labels, one was missing, Evadney I shouted, running back through the study and library into the hall, and calling her again and again as I went, if it were not already too late, and she had heard my voice, I knew she would hesitate, I tore up the stairs, and I must have flown, although it seemed a century before I reached her room, I flung open the door, she had heard me, she was standing beside a dressing table in a listening attitude, with a glass half raised to her lips, and her eyes met mine as I entered, my first cry of distress had reached her, and the shock of it had been sufficient, had that note fallen into my hands but one moment later, but I cannot bear to think of it, even at this distance of time the recollection utterly unmans me, the moment I saw her, however, I could command myself, I took the glass from her hand, and threw it into the fireplace with as little show of haste as possible, to bed now, my sweetheart, I said, and no more nonsense of this kind, you know, she looked at the fragments of the broken glass, and then at me, in a half wondering, half regretful, half inquiring way that was pitiful to see, shaken as I was, I could not bear it, while the danger lasted, it was no effort to be calm, but now I broke down, and throwing myself into a chair, covered my face with my hands, thoroughly overcome, in a moment she was kneeling beside me, oh Don, she exclaimed, what is it, why are you so terribly upset, poor little innocent sinner, though one idea had possessed her to the exclusion of every other consideration, I said nothing to her, of course, in the way of blame, it would have been useless, she was bitterly sorry to see me grieved, but her moral consciousness was suspended, and she felt no remorse whatever for her intention, except in so far as it had given me pain, the impulse had passed for the moment, however, and I was so sure of it that I did not even take the fatal vial away with me when I went to my dressing room, but for 46 days and nights I never left her an hour alone, the one great hope, however, that the cruel obliquity would be cured by the mother's love when it awoke amply sustained me, she was well and cheerful for the rest of the time, greatly owing, I am sure, to the influence of Sir Shadwell Rock, who came at once, like the kind and generous friend he was, without waiting to be asked when he heard what had happened, and announced himself prepared to stay until the danger was over, I heard a bad name laugh very soon after his arrival, and could see that the worry in her head, as she described it, had gone again, and was forgotten, the impulse which would have robbed me of all my happiness and hopes, had she succeeded in carrying it out, never cost her a thought, the saving suffering of an agony of remorse was what we should like to have seen, for in that there would have been good assurance of healthy moral consciousness restored, it seemed to be only the power to endure mental misery which had been injured by those weary days of enforced seclusion and unnatural inactivity, for I never knew anyone braver about physical pain, it was the strength to contemplate the sufferings of others, which grows in action it is best developed by turning the knowledge to account for their benefit that had been sapped by ineffectual brooding, until at last, before the moral shock of indignation, which the view of preventable human evils gave her, her right mind simply went out, and a disordered faculty filled the void with projects which only a perverted imagination could contemplate as being of any avail, whatever doubts we may have had about her feeling for the child when it came were instantly set at rest, nothing could have been healthier or more natural than her pride and delight in him, when she saw him for the first time, after he was dressed, I brought him to her myself with his little cheek against my face, oh Don, she exclaimed, her eyes opening wide with joy, I love to see you like that, but what is she like, Don, give her to me, she indeed, I answered, don't insult my son, he would reproach you himself, but he is speechless with indignation, oh Don, don't be ridiculous, she cried, stretching up her arms for him, is it really a boy, do give him to me, I want to see him so, when I had put him in her arms, she gathered him up jealously and covered him with kisses, then held him off a little way to look at him and then kissed him again and again, did you ever see a baby before, I asked her, no, never, never, she answered emphatically, never such a darling as this, at all events, his little cheek is just like velvet and sea, he can curl up his hands, isn't it wonderful, Don, he's like you too, I'm sure he is, he's quite dark, he's just the color of that last sunset you were raving about, I told you to be careful, oh Don, how can you, she exclaimed, it was beautiful to see her raptures, she was like a child herself, so unaffectedly glad in her precious little treasure and so surprised, the fact that he would move independently and have ideas of his own seem never to have occurred to her, so far so good, as Sir Shadwell said, and we soon had her about again, but the first time she sat up after her questions had been arranged for her and her baby laid on her lap, when I stooped to give them both a kiss of hearty congratulation, she burst into tears, it is nothing, Don, don't be concerned, she said, trying bravely to smile again, I was thinking of my mother, this would have been such a happy day for her, this made me think of the breach with her father, I had forgotten that she had a father, but it occurred to me now that a reconciliation might add to her happiness and I wrote to him accordingly to that effect, making the little grandson my excuse, Mr. Frayling replied that he had heard indirectly of his daughter's second marriage, but was not surprised to receive no communication from herself on the subject, because her whole conduct for many years past had really been most extraordinary, if however she had become a dutiful wife at last, as I had intimated, he was willing to forgive her and let bygones be bygones, whereupon I asked him to fountain towers and he came, he was extremely cordial, I had a long talk with him before he saw a vatnik, during which I discovered from whence she took her trick of phrase making, he expressed himself as satisfied with me and my position, my reputation and my place, he also shook his watch chain at my son, which denoted great approval, I inferred and made many improving remarks, interspersed with much good advice on the subject of babies and the management of estates, a vatnik had been very nervous about meeting him again, but the baby broke the ice and she was unfainedly glad to make friends, upon the whole, however, the reconciliation was not the success that I had anticipated, father and daughter had lost touch and after the first few hours there was neither pleasure nor pain in their intercourse, nothing in fact, but politeness, the flow of affection had been too long interrupted, it was diverted to other channels now and was too deeply embedded in them to be coaxed back in the old direction, love is a sacred stream which withdraws itself from the sacrilegious who have offered it outreach, it was an unmitigated happiness, however, to evade me to have her brothers and sisters with her again, and from that time forward we bat, generally some of them at fountain towers. Mrs. Kilroy of Ilverthorpe, otherwise known to her friends as Angelica, was one of the first people privileged to see the baby. Oh, you queer little thing, she exclaimed, pointing her finger at it by way of caress, I've been thinking all this time that babies were always speckled toads, and you were all rosy and dimpled and plump, you pretty little thing, I wish I had just a dozen like you. Poor erratic Angela, with all her waywardness, but yet a woman, there was only the one man that I have ever known who could have developed the best that was in Angelica, and him she had just missed, as so often happens in this world of contraries, I am thinking of our poor Julian, known to her as the tenor, whom she had met when it was too late, and in an evil hour for us and for herself apparently, the consequences having been his death and her own desolation, yet I don't know, those were the first consequences certainly, but others followed and are following. The memory of one good man is a light, which sheds the brightest rays that fall on the lives of thousands, as Mr Kilroy has reason to know, with whom after the tenor, Angelica is happier than she could have been with any other man, and then, again, she has Diavolo, the close friendship between them, which had been interrupted for some years, was renewed again in some inexplicable way by the effect of my marriage on Diavolo, and since then, they have been as inseparable as their respective duties to husband and grandfather allow, and so the web of life is woven, the puzzling strands resolving themselves out of what has seemed to be a hopeless tangle into the most beautiful designs. Some of Avadne's ideas of life were considerably enlarged in view of the boy's future. I am so glad you are a rich man, she said to me one day, and have a title in all that. It doesn't matter for you, you know, Don, because you are you, but it will give the baby such a start in life. She summoned me at a very early period of his existence to choose a name for him, and having decided upon George, Shadwell Beaton, she had him christened with all orthodox ceremony by the bishop of Morning Quest as soon as possible. That duty once accomplished must have relieved her mind satisfactorily with regard to a Christian name for him, for she has insisted on calling him by the heathen appellation of Don Inno ever since, for the flattering reason that his temper, when thwarted, is exactly like mine. I am sure when you were his age you used to kick and scream just as he does when his wishes are not carried out on the instant, she said, You don't kick and scream now when you are vexed. You look like thunder and walk out of the room. Baby seems to afford you infinite satisfaction when he kicks and screams. You laugh and hug him more, if anything. In his tantrums, then when he is good, I remarked. I take his tantrums for a sign of strength, she answered. He is merely standing on his dignity and demanding his rights as a rule. It was the same thing with his father when he frowned and walked out of the room. He wouldn't be set upon either. And I used to see in that a sign of self-respect also. It is a long time now since I saw you frown and walk out of the room, Don. It is a long time since you attempted to sit upon me. I said, I am afraid I neglect you, she answered apologetically. You see, Donino requires so much of my time. She continued to be careful for months after the birth of the boy and we waited patiently for some sign, which should be an assurance of her complete restoration to mental health or, so far as I was concerned, for an opportunity of testing her present feeling about the subject that distressed her. I had given up expecting a miraculous cure in a moment and now only hoped for a gradual change for the better. The opportunity I was waiting for came on winter's afternoon when she was playing with the baby. It was a moment of leisure with me, the afternoon tea time, which I always arranged to spend with her if possible, and especially if she would otherwise have been alone. As was the case on this occasion, I had been responding for half an hour, as well as I could, to incessant appeals for sympathy and admiration, not that I found it difficult to admire the boy, who was certainly a splendid specimen of the human race, although perhaps I ought not to say so, but my command of language never answered his mother's expectations somehow when it came to expressing my feelings. Do you think you care as much for him as I do, Don? She burst out at last. More, I answered seriously, Why? How? She demanded, surprised by my tone, because I never could have hurt him. Hurt him? She exclaimed, gathering him up in her arms. Do you mean that I could hurt him? Hurt my baby? Oh, she got up and stood looking at me indignantly for a few seconds with the child's face hidden against her neck, and then she rang the bell sharply and sent him away. What do you mean, Don? She said, When we were alone together again, tell me, you would not say a cruel thing like that for nothing. I am referring to that night before he was born, I said, taking the little bottle from my pocket. This seems to me to have been the cruelest operation that I have ever had to perform. Oh, Don, she cried, greatly distressed. I understand I should have killed him, but why? Why do you remind me of that now? I want to be sure that you have learned what a mistaken notion that was and that you regret the impulse. She sat down on a low chair before the fire with her elbows on her knees and her face buried in her hands and remained so for some time. She wanted to think it out and tell me exactly. I do not feel any regret, she said at last. I would not do the same thing now, but it is only because I am not now occupied with the same thoughts. They have fallen into the background of my consciousness and I no longer perceive the utility of self-sacrifice. But you do not perceive the sin of suicide? Not of that kind of suicide, she answered. You see, we have the divine example. Christ committed suicide to all intents and purposes by deliberately putting himself into the hands of his executioners. But his motive makes them responsible for the crime and my motive would play society in a similar position. Your view of the great sacrifice would start all theologians, I imagine, was my answer. But even allowing that Christ was morally responsible for his own death and thereby set the example you would have followed to save others from suffering. Tell me, do you really see any comparison between an act which had the redemption of the world for its object and the only result that could follow from the sacrifice of one little mother and child? What result, Don? Breaking your husband's heart, spoiling his life and leaving him lonely forever. She started up and threw herself on her knees beside me, clasping her hands about my neck. Oh, Don, don't say that again, she cried. Don't say anything like that again, ever, will you? You know I should never think of it again if I could be sure. She hit her head upon my shoulder, but did not answer immediately. I am seeking for some assurance in myself to give you, she said at last. But I feel none. The same train of thought would provoke me again. No, not to the same act, but to something desperate. I can't tell what, but I suffer so. Don, when such thoughts come from grief and rage and horror, I would do almost anything for relief. But just think, I began. No, don't ask me to think, she interrupted. All my endeavor is not to think. Let me live on the surface of life. As most women do, I will do nothing but attend to my household duties and the social duties of my position. I will read nothing that is not first weeded by you of every painful thought that might remind me. I will play with my baby by day and curl up comfortably beside you at night, infinitely grateful and content to be so happily circumstance myself. Don, help me to that kind of life, will you? And burn the books. Let me deserve my name and be well pleasing one to you first of all, the world. And then to any with whom I may come in contact. Let me live while you live and die when you die. But do not ask me to think. I can be the most docile, the most obedient, the most loving of women as long as I forget my knowledge of life. But the moment I remember, I become a raging fury. I have no patience with slow processes. Revolution would be my cry and I could preside with an awful joy at the execution of those who are making the misery now for succeeding generations. But, my dear child, it would surely be happier for you to try to alleviate. No, no, she again interrupted. I know all you can say on that score, but I cannot bear to be brought into contact with certain forms of suffering. I cannot bear the contradictions of life. They make me rage. What I want to say is that you should act and not think, I ventured. How can I act without thinking? She asked. You see, if you don't act, you must think. I pursued. And if you do think without acting, you become morbid. The conditions of an educated woman's life now force her to know the world. She is too intelligent not to reason about what she knows. She sees what is wrong. And if she is high-minded, she feels forced to use her influence to combat it. If she resists, the impulse her conscience cannot acquit her and she suffers herself or her cowardice. I know, she answered, but don't let us discuss the subject anymore. We were silent for some time after that. And then I made a move as if to speak, but checked myself. What is it? She asked. I was going to ask you to do something to oblige me, but now I do not like to. Oh, she exclaimed, much hurt. Do you really think there is anything I would not do for you? If I could? Well, this is mere trifle. I answered, I want you to take that sturdy much-be-ribbon darling of yours to see my poor sick souls in the hospital. A sight of his small face would cheer them. Will you? Why, surely, she said. How could you doubt it? I shall be delighted. And there was another thing. Oh, don't hesitate like that. She exclaimed. You can't think how you hurt me. I very much wish you would take charge of the flowers in the hospital for me. That was what I was going to say. I should be so pleased if you should make them your special care. If you would cut them yourself and take them and arrange them whenever fresh ones are wanted, you would give me as much pleasure as the patients. And you might say something kind to them as you pass through the wards. Even a word makes all the difference in their day. Why didn't you ask me to do this before? She said reproachfully. I was a little afraid of asking you now. I answered. I shall begin tomorrow. She said, tell me the best time for me to go. There is a great deal in the way a thing is put was my trite reflection afterward. If I had given a bad name my reason for particularly wishing her to visit the hospital she would have turned it inside out to show me that it was lined with objections. But now because I had asked her to oblige me simply she was ready to go and would have gone if had cost her half her comfort in life. This was a great step in advance as in the smallpox epidemic. So now at the hospital she had no horror of anything she saw. It was always what she imagined that made her morbid. End of Book 6, Chapter 18. Book 6, Chapter 19 of The Heavenly Twins. This is a LibriVox recording. A LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org The Heavenly Twins by Sarah G. Chapter 19 Following these days there came a time of perfect peace for both of us. Avadne's health was satisfactory. She led the life she had planned for herself. And so long as she shut out all thought of the wicked world and nothing occurred to remind her of the awful needless suffering with which she had become acquainted in the past she was tranquilly happy. Danino rapidly grew out of arms. He was an independent young rascal from the first and would never be carried if he could walk or driven from the moment he could sit a pony. Grip is the word I know but his legs were not long enough to grip when he began and his rides were therefore conducted all over the ponies back at first. His object was to keep on and in order to do so without the assistance he scorned he rode like a monkey. Avadne was proud of the boy but she missed the baby and complained that her arms were empty. It was not long however happily and our proposal of the number of my responsibilities I was taken to task severely one day and discovered that I had in my son a staunch supporter and a counselor whose astuteness was not to be despised. I was finishing my letters one afternoon in the library when Avadne came in with her daughter in her arms and Danino clinging to her skirt. I expected the usual Dan I am sure you have done enough come and have some tea and turn to meet it with the accustomed protest just five minutes more my sweetheart but Avadne began in quite another tone I have just heard such a disgraceful thing about you she said a disgraceful thing about me I exclaimed yes I hear you were asked the other day how many children you had and you answered two or three now will you kindly count your children and when you are quite sure you know the number off by heart repeat it aloud to me so that I may have some hope that you will not commit yourself in that way again oh I answered I know how many babies there are my difficulty is about you I am never quite sure whether to count you as a child or not now I call that a mean little score she said carrying her baby off with an affectation of indignation which deceived Danino he had been standing with his back to the writing table and his feet firmly planted before him gravely watching us and now when his mother left the room he came to my knee and looked up at me confidentially ooh been naughty dad he asked it looks like it I answered ooh say ooh sorry he advised what will happen then I wanted to know then he misses ill kiss ooh he explained then dad all right truly a wise son maketh a glad father I observed Danino knitted his brows and grumbled a puzzle but polite ascent I saw signs of reflection afterward however which warned me not to be too sure what I knew exactly where the limits of the little understanding were but one thing was evident the boy was being educated on the principle of repent and have done with it old accounts are not cast up in this establishment Danino watched me putting my writing things away he was waiting to see me through my trouble when I was ready he took as much of my hand as he could hold in his protectingly and led me to the drawing room with a dignified air of importance Sir Shadwell Rock was staying with us at the time and my daughter was creeping from her mother to him as we entered the room and receiving a large share of his attention Danino glanced at him fearing perhaps that his presence as audience would make matters more unpleasant for me mummy he said dad's turn Evadny looked up inquiringly I've come to say I am sorry I exclaimed oh said Evadny a little puzzled that's right Danino looked from one to the other expectantly but as his mother made no move he edged up to her side and repeated with emphasis dad's sorry that's right his mother answered putting her arm round him and caressing him fondly he drew away from her dissatisfied and walked to the window where he stood with his thumbs and his belt and his chin on his chest oh Dan Evadny whispered do look at yourself in miniature but what is the matter what have I done to disturb him or left undone I said I was sorry and you haven't kissed me I replied Evadny grasped the situation at last and got up I suppose I must kiss you she said I hope you won't be naughty again the boy made no sign at the moment but presently he sauntered back to the tea table as if he were satisfied when the children were gone Sir Shadwell asked for an explanation it is beautiful to watch the mind of a young child unfold he observed to notice its wonderful grasp on the one hand of ideas one would have thought quite beyond its comprehension and on the other its curious limitations now that boy of yours reasons already from what he observes clearly I answered he observes that my position in this house is quite secondary and therefore although he sees his mother naughty every day he never thinks for a moment of suggesting that she should own up to me Don you are horrid Evadny exclaimed the next day she went out early in the afternoon to pay calls Sir Shadwell and I accompanied her to the door to see her into her carriage and she drove off smiling and kissing her hand to us now I said as we lingered on the doorstep watching the carriage glint between the trees what do you think about the wisdom of my marriage oh he answered his eyes twinkling you didn't explain you know so I naturally concluded that you were merely marrying for your own gratification in which case you would have been disappointed when you found what I force off that under the circumstances the pleasure would not be unmixed you should have explained that your sole purpose was to make a very charming young lady healthy-minded again and happy if you wanted to know what I thought of your chances of success you're a confounded old cynic I said turning into the house Sir Shadwell went out into the grounds and there I found him later patiently instructing Donino in the difficult art of stringing a bow his white head bowed beside the boy's dark one and his benign face wrought into wrinkles of intentness I was busy during the afternoon but I fancied I heard the carriage return Evadney did not come to report herself to me however as was her want after an expedition and I therefore thought that I must have been mistaken and more especially so when she did not appear at tea time after tea Sir Shadwell settled himself with a book and I left him in the hall I met the footman who had gone out with Evadney when did you return I asked I can't say rightly Sir George the man replied we only paid one call this afternoon and then came straight back her lady ship seemed to be poorly I ran upstairs to my wife's sitting room she was lying on a couch asleep her face gray her eyelids swollen and purple with weeping her hair disordered as I stood looking down at her she opened her eyes and held up her arms to me she looked ten years older a mere wreck of the healthy happy smiling woman who had driven off kissing her hand to us only a few hours before tell me the trouble my sweetheart I said kneeling down beside her where did you go today only to Mrs. Gathry Brimstone she answered but Mrs. Beale was there with Edith's boy and we talked oh Don she broke off I wish my children had never been born the suffering the awful needless suffering how do I know that they will escape alas alas that terrible cry again and just after we had allowed ourselves to be sure that it had been silenced at last forever I did not reason with her this time I could only pet her and talk for the purpose of distracting her attention as one does with a child so far I had never for a moment lost heart and hope I could not believe that the balance of her fine intelligence had been too rudely shaken ever to be perfectly restored but now at last it seemed as if her confidence in her fellow creatures the source of all mental health had been destroyed forever and with that confidence her sense of the value of life and of her own obligations had been also injured or distorted to a degree which could not fail to be dangerous on occasion there are injuries which set up carcinoma of the mind we know cancer spots confined to a small area at first but gradually extending with infinite pain until all the surrounding healthy tissue is more or less involved and the whole beautiful fabric is absorbed in the morbid growth for which there is no certain palliative in time and no possible prospect of cure except in eternity was this to be a bad news case? alas alas but still doctors sometimes mistake the symptoms and find happily that they have aired when they arrived at an unfavorable diagnosis so I said to myself so I said to myself but the assurance in no way affected the despair which had settled upon my heart and was crushing it late that night I was sitting alone in my study I had been reading Solomon's prayer at the dedication of the temple and the books still lay open before me it was a habit of mine to read the bible when I was much perturbed the solemn majestic march of the measured words seldom failed to restore my tranquility in a wonderful way and it had done so now I felt resigned harken therefore unto the supplication of thy servant I was repeating to myself in fragments as the lines occurred to me that thine eyes may be upon this house day and night hear thou from thy dwelling place even from heaven and when thou hearest forgive I must have dozed a moment I think when I had pronounced the words for I had heard no rustle of trailing garments in the library beyond yet the thing I was conscious of was a bad knee kneeling beside me she put her arms round my neck and drew my face down to her done she said with a great dry sob I am sorry I have annoyed you somehow not annoyed me my wife hurt you then which is worse I have taken all the heart out of you somehow I can see that but I cannot cannot tell what it is I have done she looked into my face piteously and then hit her own on my shoulder and burst into a proxism of sobs and tears if only I could have made her comprehend what the trouble was but there I had tried and I had failed one little whitefoot peeked out from beneath her dressing gown the pink soul showing she had got out of bed and slipped on her pantoufles only and the night was cold I might have thought that she would lie awake fretting if she were left alone on a night when her mind was so disturbed and here had I been seeking solace myself and forgetting that great as my own trouble was hers must surpass it even as the infinite does the finite but that error I could repair I hoped and it should never be repeated come my sweetheart I said gathering her up close in my arms so long as you will let me be a comfort to you you will not be able to hurt me again but if at any time you will not listen to my words if nothing I can do or say strengthens or helps you if I cannot keep you from the evil that it may not grieve you then I shall know that I have lost all that makes life worth having and I shall not care how soon this lamp of line goes out she looked up at me in a strange startled way and then she clung closer and I thought she meant that if she could help it I should not lose the little all I ask for now the power to make her life endurable end of book six chapter nineteen end of the heavenly twins by Sarah G