 Hudson Grape Nuts Flakes Program starring Jack Benny with Mary Livingston, Phil Harris, Dennis Day, Rochester, and yours truly, Don Wilson. Say, folks, ever notice how the mood you're in can make a whale of a difference in the work you do? If you're in the right mood, things just seem to zip along. That's why it's important to get in a good up and at a morning mood by eating the right kind of breakfast. You can't do a man-sized job on a bird-sized breakfast, you know. Nutrition experts say mornings are the time we should stoke up when we need at least one quarter of our daily nourishment. So right here is where I tell you about those two grand breakfast treats, Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes, because nutrition experts also agree that the adequate breakfast should include both fruit and the cereal with whole-grain nourishment. Well, that's certainly Grape Nuts and Grape Nuts Flakes for you. Both are basic seven foods, outstanding, and they're all-around whole-grain nourishment. Tops also in their zesty crispness, with their malty-rich sweet-as-a-nut flavor. So eat a good breakfast, do a better job, and for extra swell-eating, feature Grape Nuts or Grape Nuts Flakes. It was a great day played by the orchestra. Now, ladies and gentlemen, before we start our show, I know you've all been anxiously awaiting news of the big conference and sessions since last week. So we take you to the actual scene where they're discussing the great problem of the day. But, Mr. Benny, I still think I deserve a raise. Dennis, let's not discuss it out here in the hall. Let's go into the studio. But even in the studio, I think I deserve a raise. But, kid, when I explained it to you last week, you were happy. Now, look, I pay you $35, and for that, you sing a song which lasts only two minutes. That means... Hello, Jack. Hello, Dinah. Hello, Mishore. Now, look, Dennis, she's cute, isn't she? Now, look, kid, your song lasts two minutes. That means you're getting $17.50 a minute. Now, that comes to $1,050 an hour, $25,200 a day. Multiply that by seven days, and what are you getting a week? $35. Dennis, who have you been talking to? My mother. Your mother. Let me tell you something, kid. Your mother? Oh, maybe I shouldn't say anything about her. Go ahead. She says plenty about you. Oh, she does, eh? What does she say? I don't know. She tells it to my father. Well, you can hear, can't you? No, they send me out of the room when they say things like that. Now, Dennis, your parents have no right to talk about me or discuss our business. And you ought to be very happy working for me, because? Fred Allen's going back on the air in a few days. Fred Allen? Now, what brought that up? Well, Mr. Allen offered me $50 a week. Dennis, the only person on Allen's program that gets $50 a week is Portland, and she had to marry him to get it. Why, Allen pays his cast so little, even Morgan pause complaining. I think better than he does. Sure, you do. That's why I want you to stick with me, kid. And you'll go further than anybody. Oh, hello, Rad. Hello, Jack. Hello, Dennis. Hello, Mr. Skelton. I do it, I do it, I do it. Well, d-he-he, d-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he-he. Dennis, don't be silly. What was that anyway? That's what Mr. Skelton does on his program. Oh, for that he gets paid? Well, kid, now that everything's settled, we better get into the studio. But Mr. Benny, my mother. Your mother again? Why does she keep pounding you to get a raise? Well, she thinks I ought to make money while I'm young. My voice is liable to change any day now. Look, kid, kid, I'm getting tired of listening to those people excuses. I've got you legally tied for the entire length of your contract. And if you're not satisfied when the contract expires, you can get yourself another job. Yeah, but who'll want me when I'm that old? Dennis, our agreement doesn't run so very long. It's just a normal... My mother says I'll expire before the contract. Oh, she does. Now, you listen to me, kid. Oh, my throat. Oh, pardon me. Now, you listen to me, kid. What I gave you was a standard 20-year contract, and your mother knew it. Listen, you're... I gave you a 20-year contract, and your mother knew it when she signed it. She thought it was an FHA loan. Well, that's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard of. Why, to hear you talk, you think I was trying to cheat you out of a raise. Now, look, kid, you know I'm generous, don't you? Well, anyway, I've always tried to be fair to the people. Excuse me, Mr. Benny, I've got to get the sound equipment through here. Dennis, step over against the wall out of the way of this truck, will you? Now, Dennis... Say, Mr. Benny, are you satisfied with the sound effects I've been doing for you this year? Yes, yes, they've been very good. Now, Dennis, the reason I can't pay you anymore... What's that? I've got a new train effect. Oh, very good. Now, look, Dennis, the reason I can't pay you... I've got a new gun, too! Now, Dennis, as I was saying... Hey, I've got a sound effect of an English spitfire making a dive. Would you like to hear it? No, thanks. Not now. Now, look, Dennis, believe me, I'm paying you... I told you, I didn't want to hear a spitfire. Oh, that was a German messageman. I'll be... What are you laughing at? Just think, I could have pulled him out of it. I have a private discussion here. Will you please take your sound effects and go? Okay. Now, what is that? You don't care if I go by boat, do you? Go anywhere you want, but go. Okay, bye. What a silly guy. Now, look, Dennis... I've told you, I'm paying you $17.50 a minute. That's $25,200 a day. And aside from money, working for me is giving you a lot of experience. You know, you need a lot of nice people. Dennis... Dennis... Dennis, what's the matter with you? I'm getting thesis. Hey, bud, will you take those sound effects out of here? Okay, okay. Now, come on, Dennis, let's go into the studio. We've got a program to do. That was Shoo Shoo Baby, played by Phil Harris, and is activated jukebox. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Let's say, Jack, what happened out in the hall? Did you give Dennis his raise? Don, you're working, aren't you? Yes. You're happy? Yes. And now, ladies and gentlemen... Tonight... Come on, Jackson, tell us what happened. Now, how did the kid make out? Phil, it's none of your business. Go ahead, Mr. Benny. Tell him. I want to know, too. Dennis, our little discussion is a private matter just between you and me. Don't fall, Emma. Jack, it's not his fault that we know he didn't get it. Don, Dennis' raise doesn't concern you, so don't worry about it. He'll get it in time. Oh, brother. What are you all brothering about? In time, in time. I've been with you eight years, and I'm still getting the same lousy salary. Well, you still got the same lousy band. And time didn't help it, any. Oh, what are you talking about? Look, Phil, look. You got four violins that nobody can hear. An electric guitar player whose nose lights up. A bass fiddle with French doors. And a brass section whose ill wind blows no good. That's what I'm talking about. And the way those guys dress, look at them. Well, what's the matter with the way they dress? They know what they're doing. They all read Esquire. Esquire? Yes. Well, tell them to sit up. Those exotic poses don't excite me at all. So let's drop it. And now, ladies and gentlemen, tonight we are going to... $17.50 a minute. That's $186,000 a week. Hey, kid, what are you mumbling about? Gee, it's so much when he tells it to me and so little when I bring it home. Dennis. I must have a hole in my pocket. Dennis, I'll explain that to you after the show. And now... I'll say Jack. What has it done? I meant to ask you, how's Mary? Well, you know how Laryngitis hangs on. Right now it's hanging on to me, too, by the way. But she's feeling much better. That reminds me, I promised to call Mary and see how things are going. She's still pretty sick, you know. Oh, she's getting along all right. I sent Rochester over there to help out. Hello? Hello, who is this? This is the new maid, Butterfly McQueen. Oh, oh yes. Well, may I speak to Miss Livingston? I'm sorry, but Miss Livingston ain't talking today. I know, I know. She lost her voice. Butterfly, it's Laryngitis. Hmm? I say it's Laryngitis. Laryngitis. Okay, I'll tell her you called. No, no, no, Butterfly. This is Mr. Benny. Oh, how do you do? Butterfly, how's Miss Livingston feeling? She's much better. Right now, I'm fixing something to eat. It's scrambled eggs, toast, and tea. That's good. But I think there's something wrong with the toaster. There is? Yes. Every few minutes, it throws the bread out. It's supposed to do that. Now, Butterfly, I sent Rochester over to help you out. Is he there? Yes, sir. He's in the next room. What's he doing? Shooting crops for the doctor. Shooting well of all the Butterfly, I put your uncle Rochester on the phone. Okay. Okay, honey. I'll be right back, doctor. Eight your point. Imagine I sent him over to Mary's to help around the house. He's shooting crafts with a doctor. A fine fellow. Hello, Rochester, this is Mr. Benny. I sent you to Miss Livingston's house to work. What are you doing? Cleaning up. Oh, cleaning up, eh? So you have been busy. Busy? I've been sweating over a hot rug for an hour. Yes, I know you were, and I heard you say to the doctor, the point was eight. Oh, oh, that. Yes, that. I was helping him read the thermometer. I see. And I suppose that point eight referred to Miss Livingston's temperature. Yes, you made it the hard way. Rochester, you might as well admit it. You were shooting crafts with a doctor, weren't you? Yes, I was, boss. Now, how did you happen to start? Well, when I was three years old. I don't mean that. I mean, how could you have the nerve to shoot crafts with a doctor? Well, I'm a boom specialist myself. Now, cut that out. Incidentally, I'm commencing a sound like you do. A fine doctor, he must be. I suppose he charged for his visit, too. Yes, he brought the bill for the whole week, so I paid it. Okay, Miss Livingston will return the money to you. You don't have to, boss. I want it back. What? Someday I'll listen to your chest. I got his stethoscope, too. Well, give it back to her. Go right home. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, say, boss. Now what? There was a notice in the mail this morning that you have to go and renew your driver's license. Oh, well, in that case, Rochester, you better bring my new car down. We'll drive over to the Motor Vehicle Bureau. Did you say new car? All right, so it's second hand. Everybody has to buy a used car. But, boss, a yellow car. Never mind, just bring it over right away. Okay, goodbye. Goodbye. Someday that Rochester... Hey, Jack, what did you do, buy a car? Yes, sir. And you know, I gave my Maxwell to the scrap drive last year, and I had to have something to ride around in. What kind did you buy, Jackson? Oh, it's a foreign make, a French car. French? Yes, it's called a... Texas. Well, fellas, Rochester is going to pick me up, and I have to go over and get my driver's license. Go ahead with your song, Dennis. Song, fellas. See you later. Wait it on. You have to push your way through. Yeah, but Rochester, I can't just push my... Oh, sure, boss. You get in front of me, I'll push you right up to the counter. Well, okay. Can't wait. That's enough, Rochester, that's enough. Watch where you're going. Stop pushing. Rochester, that's enough. Stop already, I'm behind the counter. What's the matter with you? Yes, sir? Oh, miss, will you please wait on me? I came here about my driver's license. My? How'd you ever think of this place? Well, I... You were recommended by some pedestrians, you know? This is one of the places they told me to go. Now, miss, my license has expired and I... I want to get a new one. All right. Your name? Jack Benny. Occupation? Hmm. Star stage and screen. Rochester. Sorry, boss. Am radio. Never mind. What's your height? A 5 foot 11. Weight? 165. Hair? My hair? 3250. She doesn't mean that. She means the color. Miss, my hair is a sort of a palomino gray. I see. And, uh, and your eyes. Oh, they're blue, aren't they? Yes, but this suit I'm wearing really doesn't do justice to them. Well, all right, blue eyes. Take this application and get in line at window three for your eye test. Thank you. Come on, Rochester. I got to go to window three. Yes, sir. Right over here. You're next. Thank you. And this is my eye test, isn't it? Yes. Now, can you read the third line on that chart? Not very well without my glasses. Can you read the second line? Oh, yes. Yes. It says... Would you mind taking a step back? Not at all. Why? You're supposed to be at least one foot away from the chart. Oh. Oh, yes, I did creep up a little too close there. Now, can you still read that second line? Yes. That's... A-L-X-R-B. You're wrong. That's 1-3-7-6-9. That's funny. Am I making such a glaring mistake? Maybe I ought to put on my glasses. There. Is it all right to drive a car wearing glasses? Oh, sure. I wear them, too. In fact, I think I'll put mine on. Oh, yes. I did creep up a little too close there. Now, can you still read that second line? Yes. That's... A-L-X-R-B. You're wrong. That's 1-3-7-6-9. Say, the rims on your glasses are just like mine. Yes, they are. Now, looking at the same chart, I want you to... Say, you're right. That is A-L-X-R-B. That's funny. Now it looks like 1-3-7-7-6-9 to me. You're both wrong. It says no smoking. Oh, oh. Oh, yeah. Now, what do I do next? You have to take your old text. Go right through that door to the street with that lady standing and wait your turn. Thank you. Rochester, you wait here for me. Goodness, you have to go through such a mishmash to get a driving license. Hello, Mrs. Greenberg. Oh, hello, Mrs. Randolph. And what are you doing here, Suzette? I'm getting for me a driving license. But why, after all these years? So when I'm sitting in the back of the car telling my husband how to drive, and he gives me a better look, I can show him my license. Well, I wish I was finished or I did. Oh, it looks like a long wait. Oh, why don't you let me help you with your packages? Oh, thank you. I went special to the store today to buy for my husband some grape nuts flakes. Oh, my husband enjoys them, too. He loves their sweet as a nut flavor. And they're not only toasted brown, but multi-rich yet. You're right, lady. And they're a thrifty buy in the big 12-ounce economy-sized package. I'm not talking to you. Oh, excuse me. Oh, look, Mrs. Randolph, I'll show you on the bus. See, it says right here, grape nuts flakes are a whole grain cereal. And look at that picture. It says Jack Benny. Mine, mine isn't to your handsome man. Well, ladies, that happens to be... I'm not asking you. Oh. Mrs. Randolph, I can't wait here any longer. I'll come back tomorrow. Goodbye. Goodbye. Hey, blue eyes. Yes. Fight! What's he mad about? All right, who takes the next driving test? I do. Here's my car right over here. Here's my application. Okay, Mr. Beanie, let's go. That's Benny. All right, let's get going. Hope I won't be nervous. I haven't driven in such a long time. Here we are. Isn't this a taxi cab? Of course not. But it's yellow. So what? It isn't a banana either. I'm not so sure. All right. Get in. Okay, start the car. Strange. It won't go. Mr. Benny, you're supposed to release the emergency brake. Oh, yes, yes, of course. Where is it? Right there. Oh, I see it. I hope you don't get the wrong impression. It's just that my Maxwell didn't have one, you know? There. Well, we're running along smoothly now. Is there anything in particular you'd like me to do? Yes. Get off the sidewalk. Oh, pardon me. There. How am I doing now? Very well, very well. Now, Mr. Benny, do you know what the national speed limit is? Yes, 35 miles an hour. Are you allowed to park in a crosswalk? No. Very good. Of course you know what that white line down the middle of the street is for. Yes, yes. I think that has something to do with the fire regulation. Fire regulation? That white line? Yes. In case of fire, in order not to tie up traffic, that's where they lay the holes. Well, everything seems okay now. Do you mind if I turn here? What? Oh, I'm sorry. It isn't your fault at all. It's just that the city forgot to put a corner there. What does the city do with all our money? Now I'll straighten out and keep going. All right. I want you to know that I can really drive better than this, but I'm a little nervous with an inspector in the car. I understand. Now try and keep your mind on your driving, Mr. Benny. I will. You see that big truck in front of you? Which one? That one. You can take your head out of the windshield now. Look, inspector, I can explain the whole thing. Hey, what's the matter with you? Can't you see where you're going? Can you see me stop? Now, wait a minute. You can't put the blame on me. You didn't even have your hand out. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah? Well, let's not argue about it. There's a witness standing on the curb that saw the whole thing. Okay. Let's ask her. Say, lady, you saw this accident. Whose fault was it? I'm not talking to you. All right, oh, I don't need a license anyway. Rochester can drive my car. Here's young. That's Maldi-rich grape nuts for you. All right. Back in the days when people were first singing the sidewalks of New York, they were also enjoying the first taste of the sensational new breakfast cereal, grape nuts. Well, today, folks are still enjoying them, same as ever. Boy, there's nothing like that distinctive sweet-as-a-nut flavor, is there? And now you can get that one delicious flavor in two delicious forms. Grape nuts, crisp, crunchy kernels, grape nuts flakes, delicate, toasty brown flakes. But these two tempting cereals are more than just well-eating. Both are basic seven foods, chucked full of wonderful, all-around, whole-grain nourishment. So there you are, folks. Eat a good breakfast. You'll do a better job. And by all means, eat plenty of thrifty, nutritious grape nuts and grape nuts flakes. We're done late, folks. Good night, now. Jumbo jumbo, that new giant package size of tasty grape nut sweetmeal, sure is one big prize. Yes, and what's well-eating? Grape nut sweetmeal is rich, hot, brown, with a luscious, full-bodied texture, grand roasted wheat flavor, real whole-wheat nourishment. Get grape nut sweetmeal in the new economy-sized 30-ounce package. This is the National Broadcasting Company.