 But in terms of special relationship, I feel I don't care what the course says. I want a special relationship I don't care. I think I need it Yes, it may not be the end, but it's the beginning and The Buddha when he was on his journey He realized at a certain point he needs to start eating Because he's been too emaciated Right, and I feel not having a special relationship. I'm emaciated and that regard and so I feel like I need a special relationship on the other hand, then I Feel like well, then I have this grievance wealth I don't have a special relationship and you know, I hold it against God that he's did it to me Look what happened with them. Well, I have a hundred thousand stories of how it didn't happen Right like all the magic happens and it doesn't work for whatever reason and so it's kind of a weird Position where you know certain principles I know to be true, but I'm not convinced that I don't need a special relationship and I go for it and don't get it and then I wind up with a grievance So it's kind of a weird Thing that's where I'm at with that Yeah, I think You and lots of people in this world Would could say raise it up and say okay. I Want to start with that special relationship because that's where it starts and it has to be taken the holy relationship And yet if you have had so many what the world called failures in relationship Or so many opportunities where nothing has really Stayed on in a sustained way Then it can it can be that that feeling you're talking about and and from a deeper perspective There's a there's a song song that I play a lot from Elisa more that Is about I have a kingdom I must rule The times I did it does not seem I am it's king at all It's talking about the mind about how in this world and the mind fell asleep It seems to have given away a lot of things to the to the world There seems to be an external world now that that functions independently of mind even though that's not the case It seems like people say and do all kinds of things that seem to be have nothing to do with decision The people seem to have wills of their own their own minds separate minds their own decision-making capability and then it seems like like a relationship can seem like a risky or Kind of a distant Experience when you've been on your own a lot and it seems like I'm not even getting any kind of nibbles here You know It's like being at the fishing pond and being out there Right Yeah, okay, God say you use special relationships that start with one And yet what of course is saying is That everything that seems to occur not only in our little personal lives, but even more on a global and and We could say on a cosmic level even in terms of the planets and the spheres and the black black holes That everything is the result of a decision Because our mind is literally we could say the the Christ mind asleep. So we have this amazingly powerful Christ mind that has bought into this incredibly limiting belief system and It even has taught us that we are powerless in this world You know that we are a victim of the world and that that we are powerless to for example even Have a relationship like if I've got such a powerful mind. I should even I should be able to conjure up a special relationship Right, right. It's that powerful and evidence seems to start to mount where it's like. Oh, no I can't even do that. You know, I can't even pull off that So that's where the mind training comes in to start to empower us to start to realize how powerful our mind is even though we have Books and movies like the secret which talks about the power of manifesting the power of our thought and so forth But those are just stepping stone ideas along the way To begin to realize the power of our thoughts the power of our mind that the mesmerism The sleep is so deep and the belief in lack runs so deep They can seem like we have issues about survival Issues about having a relationship getting even a relationship to start with just the basic one You know all these kind of things that just shows you the depth of this belief in lack and the depth The extreme depth in this belief in in deprivation Whether it's deprivation from from love and intimacy or around money and things and possessions It's we have to realize that there's a very deep baseline there That we're starting from and we're asking the Holy Spirit to take a step by step and empower us All the way back to being the Christ to being the full I am presence