 But recreation is therapeutic as well and I think that specifically autistic people, neurodivergent people who struggle with that closeness to feel social reward, to feel an ease of social interaction is absolutely therapeutic. Just for me, from my own personal experience, I never formed very significant social bonds until I started using cannabis. It allowed me to form deeper relationships with other people. And that has gone on to save my life because the friendships that I've been able to form and the significance of all the relationships in my life, I cherish them so much. I love my friends. And I would not trade anything in the world for my ability to make friends, which I didn't have. Why do you think that is? Do you think it's like a lot? Because it's really interesting because obviously, like... Do you want me to get into the real nerdy? Yeah, I'm going to get into the real nerdy. I mean, maybe I should let's leave that for one of the later questions. I'm using stuff on like oxytocin. I love it. Yes. That's what I was going to say. The endocannabinoid system actually controls and mediates oxytocin signaling for social reward. No way. The enzyme that I studied for my PhD is actually the mediator, which I think is so cool. But it's so full circle for me actually. But social reward is the happiness that your brain feels when it's interacting with other people. And it's not that I wasn't happy. The way that I described the experience of it in my own brain was that I just always was on the outside. I just was never fully in there with everyone else. I just always was like, my hands were pressed up against a glass and I was sliding off of them. I could never break through. I was always just right there and I saw it happening and I felt myself on the outside. I did. I knew that I wasn't connecting and I really wanted it. Sense of isolation or loneliness. I think a lot of autistic people listening would probably be able to empathize with that feeling, especially during the school experience. That was so lonely and just sad and terrible. Remember someone telling me that high school in general is just the best time of your life and I was like, I really hope not. I'm so glad that wasn't true. It's all downhill from there. For people who are not going to be late in life diagnosed, then I suppose that maybe they were happy and it's a different experience. The first time that I ever smoked weed ever, I was 15 and I distinctively remember this because it was the first time that I was able to glance at someone in their eyes. I held eye contact for maybe like one or two seconds. That was extremely long for me at the time. Now it's like I could do that no problem. That's not hard for me at all anymore. But at the time, that was something that I'd never done and it was something that always, if it happened to me, it would feel literally like someone took an ice pick or something and was shoving it in my eyes. It would feel like my head would jam out of the back of my head and I'd be like, don't look at someone in the eyes. It hurts. It hurts. It's fearful. It triggered all these emotional, I don't even know how to describe it really. Have you ever experienced that piece? I know it's pretty common for people to not like eye contact, but that was kind of like a physical response. I'm kind of like middle of the road, I would say. I think I don't like eye contact as much as most people. I tend to be 70% of the time I'm not making eye contact and 30% of the time I am. I tried 50-50, which is what people recommend for friendships and dating and workplaces and stuff like that. I love that there's a recommendation for that. All right, I'm going to keep that in mind for like if I have to interact with a neurotypical. Well, I mean, we can go into all the social perceptions that people have from very, very minor things like that, which are just really cool. Oh, totally. They think you're sketchy or whatever, yeah. Not interested in what they're saying. Yeah, that one gets me because I listen better when I'm not paying attention. Looking away is just like, someone said, oh, I want to talk to you something important. Okay. Yeah, okay. Yeah, oh my gosh, you're so right. You're like, okay, you wanted to tell me something important. Hold on, let me go do something else. Let me draw while you're talking to me. And then I'll like actually be focused. You know, used to drive my friends that I took classes with crazy because I listen the best in lectures when I'm doodling. Like that actually is, and I'm an auditory learner, which is lucky and probably another one of the reasons I succeeded in academia. But like I could just, I would just doodle in class all the time because that's how I would intake the information, the best, you know, it doesn't look like I'm paying attention, but that's the way that it works the best for me. And, you know, with the eye contact thing, I guess it's really common. And it corrected itself, quote unquote, at the age of 15. And I always was able to force myself to do it, right? It just was something that I really did not get. And so the first time I spoke, that's related to the social reward aspect of it. Or is that I'm not sure if it's just related to like overstimulation in general and that eye contact is a lot of attention. It's a lot of like, you know, it's like similar to like when we got married, it was like, or any time that you're like, a lot of eyes are looking at you. Like you can feel them. And I don't know if everyone can feel them, but like I can feel the eyes like on me and I think that there's a lot of overstimulation in your brain. Then that attention itself is a huge stimuli that can be, you know, jarring to people. And so I think it's like, you know, and then that's also why for you when you're saying like, you know, it's like, oh, listening to I'm going to listen to you. I'm going to like, look away. It's like because you want to avoid the stimuli that's going to distract you from. Yeah, from the especially if you're trying to like force yourself to do it, it gets so funny where you're like, oh my gosh, look at them for 50% of the time and looking away and like, what are they talking about? Oh my gosh, I did. I did used to do that. Man, I remember that. I do remember thinking about that. I have like a very complex set of scripting behaviors that I've sort of like been editing out of my professional behavior set or not, not editing them out, just being more conscious of them and understanding why I'm doing them. And like it used to be that I would show up to like a professional situation. And if there's more than two people present, I will not form memory of the interactions at all. And I'm just going, I'm like a robot. I'm just like reading people's body languages and talking about their interests the entire time and like, you know, having this really complex map of categories in my brain of like what that person's interests are and where they're from and where they went to school and what they like to talk about. And that person and seeing if there's an overlap and then connecting the two of them into a conversation. And then that person hasn't talked in a little while and they look a little bored. Maybe you should talk to them like all of that kind of like just complex stuff that then at the end of that, I would my body would just crash like, you know, like at the end of all of that, my body and brain would just be like, nope, that was way too much processing, you know, I do relate to that.