 Today's podcast is brought to you by WarbyParker.com. Get a free five-day home try-on at WarbyParkerTrial.com forward slash David Feldman show. Five pairs, five days, 100% free. The temperature in here did change pretty radically. It did. Very fast. It's okay. Maybe you turn the heater on. No, please don't put the heater on. I swear. This climate change is serious. Climate change is real. You're experiencing it in the studio. That is the voice of Colleen Werthman who we love and also on our show is Frank Conniff. This is a perfect episode. Hi Colleen. Hi, how are you? We're going to catch up with you. I just want to mention that Frank Conniff has a new book out that you can buy on Amazon. Amazon on Kindle or in paperback. It's called 25 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Films that changed my life in no way whatsoever. Here's what people are saying about the book. Sarah Palin says, I bet I would love this book if I could read. Abraham Lincoln says, I've been dead since 1865 yet I'm not even the most out of date reference in this book. Ted Kaczynski, the Unabomber, remember Ted Kaczynski? He writes, hey Frank Conniff, the 90s called. They'd like to know how it's possible for a decade to make a phone call just seems odd. These are actual blurbs on the back of the book. Yeah. Wow. That's interesting. It's a salient point. And John Landau writes, I saw Rock and Roll's future and its name is Bruce Springsteen. I just thought I'd use that quote from my book. Yes. Frank Conniff, the 25 Mystery Science Theater 3000 Films that changed my life. Here's why this book is great for somebody like me. I am not, as my listeners know, a connoisseur of pop culture and certainly because I'm old I have a problem watching lousy movies. Like I haven't even seen showgirls. You're not missing anything. Okay, that's fucked up. Yeah. You're not even like an aficionado of camp? I do watch a little camp, but whenever I have time I'll go, okay, I know I need to see showgirls, but you know, I should be doing something. What do you watch while you're like folding laundry? Porn. Really? No, I'm just... He has to use his hands for other things. I'm such a Hollywood big shot. I have assistance to coverage of porn for me. Right, right. The double D girls. Yeah, they watch for me and then they do synopses and... Okay, it's officially like now. It's so steamy in here. The glasses you have on the... Oh my God! They're literally steamy. Alex, what's happening? It says 75 degrees. No heat, please. Alex, our engineer... Look, look, there's steam on my glasses. And I don't mean to derail us from the topic of Frank's look, but I just needed to acknowledge the reality. Climate change is real. It's like a Bruce J. Friedman play. Steam bath. Bruce J. Friedman role plays? Yes, yes. He is a well-known star in his day. All right. And his son, Drew Friedman, is a great drawer. He sure is. All right, I'm taking my jacket off now. Bruce J. Friedman is in the Woody Allen movie, Another Woman. I just watched that the other night. Oh, which one is that? That's a really serious one with... It's a turn of classic movies. Gina Rollins and... Oh. Very Dower, very... Gene Hackman. Gene Hackman is in it. Kind of a good movie. Not a great movie, kind of good. But Bruce J. Friedman plays Blythe Danner's husband in it. Wow. Just a little... That's the kind of useless factor... Every single Woody Allen movie has a character who's Blythe Danner's husband. He plays Bruce Paltrow? No, no. He plays... Bruce Paltrow. He was a real life husband. I heard he wasn't a nice man. Bruce really? That's why I heard him. Yeah, me too. You heard that too? Yeah, I heard he was an SOB. Yeah. I was... A lot of people in that Hollywood showrunner world are kind of assholes. Yeah. But so... I mean, look at their offspring. Goop. Movies. Here's what I've been doing lately. I have Turner Classic movies on my phone. They have an app? They have an app. That blows my mind. And it's... I don't say it's ruining my life. That's like if Lawrence Welk Show had an app. That just doesn't make any sense. I bet they do. It's a bubble-blowing app. Where are my old people at? By the way, I... I am getting over a cold. Oh my God, this is so interesting. Keep going. I don't want to have a Hillary Clinton moment. So I'm not going to laugh at you. Okay. Fighting if you don't... Because you'll hear gurgling if you think something's funny. That sounds fun. Okay. I'll gurgle. Yeah. It sounds kind of tuberculosis. I'd rather have a gurgle laugh than no laugh at all personally. Yeah. So, Turner Classic movies. I lay down in bed. I don't like where this is going. I'm now going to read my foreign affairs, but first I must set my alarm. You read foreign affairs, the magazine? No, no. I say I'm going to read foreign affairs. Oh, okay. But still... I subscribe to foreign affairs. You end up watching the Billy Wilder movie, a foreign affair on Turner Classic movies. I set my alarm and I go, well, let me just see what's on Turner Classic movies. Patterns? Patterns. Rob Serling. Great movie. Great movie. Yeah. Just rewatch that. Never seen. Van Haefen. It's very unknown. Ed Begley Sr. It was originally a television... Wait, there was an Ed Begley Sr. who was an actor? Yes. Oh, my God. Yes. He won the Academy Award for Sweet Bird of Youth in 1963. Oh! Oh, okay. Yeah. All right. By the way, fair enough. By the way, to our younger listeners, there was also an Ed Begley Jr. Yes. Right. We should point that out. He's not listening right now because this show is done with electricity. Yeah. He's too busy sharpening axes against a water stone. But he was right. He's absolutely... God bless Ed Begley Jr. He was absolutely right. Was? Is he dead? No. No. Yeah. Patterns is amazing. And if you really want to understand any job you have, watch Patterns. Patterns. All right. It's about corporate America in the 50s. And Ed Begley Sr. Ed Heflin and Edward Everett Sloan as his horrible boss. Okay. And Ed Begley and, yeah, a great cast. Ed Begley Sr. plays an older executive at this company who the younger CEO wants to get rid of. Okay. As is the way of corporate America, you don't fire anybody. You just make their life so miserable that they want to quit. So it's sort of like an all about Steve. Yeah. Yeah. No, actually, it isn't because the one who wants to get rid of him is not an Eve Harrington type. He's the big boss. Right. It's like in reverse, structurally. It's in reverse, right. But it's like a plotting the downfall in the same world. Yeah. It's also kind of about corporate America and what's interesting about it is in the end, and I'll give a spoiler warning, the movie does come down on Everett Sloan's side a little bit. Yes. I was thinking about it. Yes. Because he said at the end, and if you want to see the movie, turn this off for a minute and Colleen, you're fucked either way. I mean, it was ever thus. At the end of the movie, the Van Heflin character is ready to quit because he's such an asshole. He says, and then Everett Sloan says, go ahead and quit. You'll work for some mediocrity who won't challenge you, who won't push you to bigger heights. He says, I'm a jerk, but I will, you will do the best work that you could possibly do here. You will make the biggest difference you could possibly make. And so at the end, he gets his point and he decides to stay and work with him and work with him. Right. It's the message, and I've seen the movie three times now, I love it, rewatching it, Ed Begley Sr. is kind of the sympathetic character, but he's a bit of a downer, a bit of a loser. He fights for the sake of fighting. He's not that much of a team player. He could have more poise in taking on the boss, and yet he is, you know, the guy you're rooting for. Right. Let me ask Colleen this question. What? The message from patterns, which is playing on Turner Classic movies, because I try to be up-to-date. But I thought your favorite movie was Male Patterns Baldness. Yes. And the sequel, nobody can sell their plugs. Male Patterns Baldness, too. Still patterning. We'll get to Luke Page in a second. But I think Rod Sirling's message, and he was a corporate animal, I mean, my God. Well, he was, I read a biography of him, he was very conflicted and tortured by the fact that he was so successful in television. He was a guy who set out to be a playwright, and he did, Requiem for Heavyweight, which started as a TV drama, but he wrote it on Broadway, and he really wanted literary respect. And he had tremendous success in the medium that now, these days, has a lot of respect. People know that really good people work in television, and that really good work is done. In the early 60s, nobody thought that. You know, it was the vast, vast wasteland, as far as the intelligentsia was concerned. And Rod Sirling was very, he was not a happy person that he was so successful, and he was also, became a very successful TV pitchman. You know, he did a lot of commercials, I don't even remember, he did, he was a game show host. Yeah, and he was just, he was really odd. Yeah, he was accepted in the world of Hollywood celebrity and television, and this is a guy who wanted to be respected as a theatrical, theatrically and literally. There's an easy way to do that. Walk away from the money. Well, he didn't want to do that. And also, the thing that's that I find- He didn't lie at the paradox. And also, but the thing that I find that I feel bad about for Rod Sirling, because I love his work so much, is that he didn't realize at the time how big of an impact Twilight Zone was going to have, how people were going to watch it forever, and it was going to, you know, be considered one of the great TV shows ever. And if you look at the work he did in Hollywood, very few screenwriters that you could point to today have as great a track record as his, not just patterns, but requiem for a heavyweight. And he also wrote the screenplay for Seven Days in May, and he wrote the screenplay for Planet of the Apes. I mean, he had a really- What anyone in this day and age would consider a major Hollywood career, not just a successful career, but a very impactful career, and yet, just according to this biography of his that I read, he was just unhappy. Tell the anecdote. And he drove himself to an early grave. Tell the anecdote about what happened. That's a funny story about what happened to him during World War II. And by the way, he also, he wrote a TV drama called The Velvet Trap, which was exactly about his life, which was about a talented writer who goes to Hollywood and sells out. Tell the humorous anecdote about what happened to him. I don't know that. But he was standing next to a guy during World War II. I don't know that story. During World War II, Rod Serling was serving our country, and he was standing next to somebody. And from the sky, a five-ton piece of postal equipment just lands on the guy he's standing next to, and the guy's just crushed. He's just talking to somebody, having a conversation. He looks up, and suddenly, the guy is just a pancake. I think that would affect you for the rest of your life, wouldn't it? That was the humorous part? I was waiting for the punch for that one. Pancake is a funny word. As a piece of... I thought he was going to say something. Yeah, I thought it was like... That's just sad. Yeah. That's just fucked up. Sad is funny. Everyone is like... Piece of postal equipment? What the fuck is that? This is a lie, isn't it? You made this up. It's true. Now, Colleen Worthman... I think we need to table that story. Yes, yeah. Colleen Worthman, you are leaving us. You're going to the coast, as I understand it. I got a motherfucking job, so yes, I'm leaving. Well, should I stay here and do free podcasts? That's... And then we've got to get a victim from our apartment? I'm not describing my career as my career, so why not? Well, I just want to point out, in all fairness, Frank, she gets 70% of the nothing that you get. That's true, so... I'd love to hear about the show that you're working on. So I actually just finally closed my deal yesterday, so I can finally talk about it. I got hired to be the head writer on a new once a week late night show for TV Land, which is called Throwing Shade. It's actually based on another podcast of the same name, Throwing Shade, which is hosted by Aaron Gibson and Brian Soffey, during which they discuss women's issues and LGBT issues. It's been going on for like five years, that podcast. And they actually tour the country. They do a tour, like, every year, year and a half. Somebody can get a TV show from doing a podcast? Not you. Can you send them? Can you give them a tape of my show, and maybe TV Land would give me a show on TV Land? Well, I think for you TV Land is more for watching, not being on. I pitched a... Hot and Cleveland. I went to TV Land. No, the nanny. I pitched a Green Acres After Show. Actually, I just thought of that. I think that would be a fucking great show. Like a Talking Dead, but for Green Acres? Like, after Green Acres, just have people come in and talk about it. You can like, exume the corpses of the actors and have them talk about the episodes? I just thought of that as a joke, but now I'm thinking that would be a fucking great show. You know, Green Acres was, like, for me, such a hip show. It was, for its time. And I could never get into it. Oh, I loved it. But I knew that, but I knew it was it. It was the only in the 60s. It might have been the only really, truly surrealistic television show. I have never seen a single episode. Were you doing drugs when you were in... No, no, I watched them when I was a kid. And I just loved it. It had, you know, a pig, Arnold the Pig, that they treated as a child. And, you know, the Eddie Albert character would make these patriotic speeches and you'd hear, like, pipe and drums music in the background. And then people would go, where's that music coming from? You know, that's not the kind of thing you saw on primetime comedy shows back then. You know, Smigel loves Mr. Ed. That makes sense. Yeah, it does, actually. Yeah. It's an animal with human attributes. I mentioned in my book, I mentioned Mr. Ed in passing, but I spend way more time talking about Francis the Talking Mule. Fred D. D. DeCordova. Francis Ford Coppola? No, Francis... Why do you refer to him like that? Fred DeCordova. No, Francis the Talking Mule. But Fred DeCordova... He probably directed some of them, yeah. Reagan wasn't in that, was he? No, no, he was in Bedtime for Bonzo, which I also discussed in the book. Right. Let's talk about your book for a second. Oh, well, let's talk about Throwing Shade. Wait, was this the question that you were going to ask me before? So you're moving to LA. Yeah. And you're going to be the head writer on Throwing Shade. And this is going to be on TV land. Indeed. And is it like they discuss, but I'm assuming it has a comedy element to it? Indeed. Mm-hmm. Yep. And it discusses LGBTQ issues? Yes, and women's issues. I mean, that is traditionally what the podcast has talked about. And Aaron and Brian, the hosts, they come from Improv and Sketch, so their rapport is unbelievable. They can just riff and freestyle off of each other and create these like marvelous sort of meringues of logic and silliness that I find really delightful. And with they, I assume we're going to have a female president. I mean, let's hope so. Jesus Christ, let's hope so. Do you think? Phil Stein keeping my camera off. Yeah. Did you just come up with that? Hashtag broccoli works as a vaccine. Did she say that? No. But I feel like she would have. Her, her. She should do that joke. Do that joke tonight. Yeah, right. No, seriously. That would kill. It might. You're right. But I don't know if I'm going to try it tonight in front of 2,000 people, but 2,000? Well, I think yeah, I'm doing the sexy liberal show tonight with John Fugelsang and Stephanie Miller. Oh, fine. But Jill Stein's Twitter feed is, is abhorrent and it's, it's nothing but false equivalency. I'm just a tweet after tweet about how Trump and Hillary are the same thing you should vote for me. No, they're not. She's, she's horrible. I actually am very actively have trolled her very actively lately. Wonderful. You're doing the Lord's work. What about Trump at three in the morning? I mean, is anyone surprised? Like, I mean, I tweeted three in the morning all the time, but I don't, I keep all my stuff about sex tapes to myself. I don't tweet about it. I mean, I'm glad that he's just so fucking gullible still and so prideful and so, so smugly defensive. I'm just like, yeah, bro, set yourself on fire. Have some more gas. Have some more matches. But does it translate into votes for Hillary? Well, look, I've been checking 538.com like fucking 30 times a day for weeks now. I started shitting my pants around the time just before that first debate. Now I feel like more confident and more happy because her numbers are going up, up, up, up, up. But they say the polls are baked a year before and nothing really changes. You'll see. Oh, really? They say it goes up and down and up and down. But the poll that you see a year before Election Day is pretty much. Well, you know, when Romney, when it was Romney and Obama, if you looked at 538 or if you were. They had a rational, it's really seemed like Obama was going to win. But I remember having the same kind of anxiety because there were a lot of, well, there were like really diluted right wingers like Dick Morris and and and you, you would, who was on MSNBC like all the time now. I think he has a cot there. He does. And he's he's horrific and he's he predicted a Romney land landslide as did Dick Morris. I did a lot of. So there's going to be a lot of between now and the election is going to be a lot of people predicting a Trump victory. But I'm just. But that's just to me. That's just like yammering to fill air time. Like what the fuck else are they going to do, do like Hillary propaganda? That's what the network already is mostly. Also the way not just Fox, but all of media basically covers this election is it's always a narrative that Hillary is in trouble. That's always the narrative that they presented Hillary. This looks really bad for Hillary. Hillary is really screwing things up. You know, the New York Times really shades their their coverage that way as does, you know, all of the cable network. So so I think it's going to be very stressful regardless between now and the election. Indeed. You keep consuming that news media product. Are you thrilled by Hillary? I mean, I was thrilled by Obama. Do you think Hillary is thrilling? In a way, yeah. Yeah, I mean, she obviously means something different to me than she does to you because like because you had other women presidents, your wife. And this is the first one. Yeah, but that's not really how I identified to be the first wife to be president president. So oddly Mormon. No, I'm saying it's she's a role model for all wives that if you obey your husband, eventually I'm just going to dissociate from my body for a while. I'm going to think about baby hedgehogs. Now I know why you're going to L.A. I think if I think if you it's a message to any woman out there that if you play your cards right and you marry the right guy and well, actually, let me say something about this, you know, and don't make trouble. Well, that's that's actually the main thing that bums me out about Hillary being the first president is that it's a fundamental, it's a fundamental dynastic event. You know what I mean? It's not like she just like rolled in there as like an independent candidate. Qua herself. It should be Elizabeth Warren. I mean, she would be more what I'm talking about. You know, but you can't make that. You can't say that, you know, this is a lesson that if you marry the right guy, you'll you'll I'm not saying that. I know David is saying she married the wrong guy. And but this is a different time we're living in than the time she came up in and in the time she came up in a politically ambitious person like herself. She knew that her husband was the one who was going to make the headway who was going to get elected governor of Arkansas. She was going to get elected. She also failed the what she failed the DC bar. I didn't know about that. OK, so she had worked on the Watergate Committee and she was moving up the chain in Washington, DC. She had just. But she comes from a different world than than a woman now. Well, let me just let me just let me just say this. Well, let me. Why is failing the bar a big deal? Tons of lawyers fail again. I'm going to tell you why you're getting so testy, David, because she was she was smarter than Bill. She was a big shot coming up. I wouldn't. I think she's really smart. I think smarter than Bill is a big statement because Bill is fucking smart. OK, and then she took the Washington DC bar and failed it was shocked that she failed it couldn't believe it was her dirty dark secret. And she decided because she failed the bar to follow Bill to Arkansas and further his career and be the Tammy Wynette who bakes cookies. That was a conscious decision that she made. So what are you saying? I'm just saying that that whereas other women because you say of look, I'm voting for Hillary, obviously, and I've been a Clinton apologist for years. I'm just sick of apologizing for them, quite frankly. But well, you don't know what are you up when you apologize for Hillary? What are you apologizing for? Well, I'm interrupting Colleen, so I'll continue. No, I'll let Colleen speak in a second. I'm apologizing because they are lightning rods. It's unfair. Why does that require an apology that they are lightning rods just for doing what just for being who they are and doing what they do? They have they have been lightning rods for conservatives and not so conservative people who have reason who for some reason have resented them and have wanted to crush them ever since they first came on the national scene. But there's nothing that they've done that that needs a pop that you need to apologize for. Well, that well, there are. Excuse me for one second. I'm sorry, Colleen. I'll just sit over here and you can just tap me in whenever I'm voting for I'm voting for Hillary. And I was a big, you know, I really defended Clinton during the impeachment and I thought he was a pretty good president in retrospect. He was a horrible president. He was a disgrace. And the best thing he did was come over. Monica Lewinsky's blue dress as far as I agree. That was the only good thing he did. I thought he was a disaster. Really? Yes. And I don't think it was a disaster, but I think it was the most entertaining thing that happened in the 90s. I think welfare reform, a glass stigle. I think there was those are awful, but he did good things too. Like Ruan and genocide. Hey, no. I don't know. I think he was responsible for an economic recovery. That was a house of cards. But here's the thing, Bush turned it into a house of cards. It wasn't a house of cards. If, if I'll address that in a second, if you're a lightning rod and it's unfair, maybe you should step aside and let somebody else be president. You know, be a good woman, step to the step aside, let someone more deserving and come forward. And I happen to believe that there are many people who are qualified to be president, that she is not the rose the top based solely on her brilliance. Agreed. Agreed a hundred percent. But let me ask you about the DC bar. Do you bring up the DC bar thing as like an example of how, I don't know, being a woman sort of foiled her ambitions early on? Like that she was so crushed by failing the bar that she allows says that she in her book, she says that living history, she allowed herself to be suppressed. Yes. And disappointed the Welles Wesleyan girls and the Wellesley Wellesley girl, whatever. And Yale Law School women who believe she kind of caved in and didn't stick to her guts. I'm not criticizing her. She's of a time that was incredibly difficult. And it was a no win situation for women of that age. Sure. There was there was nothing a woman could do in the fifties, sixties and the seventies where they could win. Agreed. Pick a career. You don't get the person who did a good job with Dina Shore. Dina Shore. Mm hmm. Why? She had a good show. She did. And she slept with Bert Reynolds. Really? Yeah. But wasn't she a love man? Wasn't he a love? Wait, Bert Reynolds is gay? Is that what you're telling me? Or are you just making fun of my voice? No. I'm not saying anything about Bert Reynolds. I think Dina Shore has a golf tournament that's gay. Right. But that's because she was gay. She might have been. She was. She was. I mean, is there any sport that's gayer than women's golf besides women's basketball? Well, she was married to the most unique hyphenate in Hollywood history. And this is only for really old people. Yeah, fine. Keisha Night-Polio? She was married to a man publicly known as actor and furniture maker, George Montgomery. This actor, George Montgomery, that she was married to, did commercials for some, you know, shining thing for furniture. And he says, hi, I'm actor and furniture maker, George Montgomery. Stop. You're hurting me. I've got, I've got, but that he was, he was her husband. By the way, the most, just the most lesbian, female sport is competitive pussy eating. You know what point taken? Point taken. What channel is that on? Spike. But when you, but when you get a hole in one, it's. That's right. Yeah. There are surprisingly a lot of those. The winner is Joey come on my chest. Not. Sorry. I'm sorry. And the chest nuts would be the kids. Is this the, the favorite movie is the Arnold Palm, her. Okay. You were, you were going to defend Hillary. Was I? I don't even know where we were. Well, you were saying you're thrilled by Hillary. In a way. But isn't this thrilling as Barack Obama? Well, well, I, I. Well, here's the thing. I feel like people had way over Barack and Hillary are so similar in terms of what they're, they, their values, their value system and what they're setting out to do. Can I tell you so similar when I, in 2008, I was working on a play or something and one of the actor's friends was making these t-shirts that said Obama 08 and it was like a cartoon on the tee. You know, it was like blue, like Democrat blue and it was a picture of an alligator giving a piece of pizza to a panda and I thought that that was a like a cutesy sort of hipster version of like an election year. You know, I'm pro Obama t-shirt, but then I was like, no, actually this is a brilliant t-shirt because it shows how childish and preposterous our hopes are for Obama as the young cool black president. Right. I thought it was brilliant piece of satire. Even if it was not intended to be, that is what I say. He is the young cool, I think he's the greatest president. But I'm saying that people had mad unrealistic hopes for him. Right. I expectations. Right. And I didn't, I remember watching him at Grant Park and everybody was crying and that's because your penis was out. That's true. Yeah, you shouldn't have done that. I know. I was excited. Especially the inauguration. Well, that's how I cry. That's where my tears come out of. That's come. Oh. Yeah, Bill Clinton wasn't crying on Monica Lewinsky's dress. But I remember thinking you wait, young people, he's going to break your heart and he did break their heart. But I came into it, Mike's experience with President Obama was I was cynical, you know, and I saw it was up against and I think he's the greatest president since, since Roosevelt. Yeah, I really do. His legacy will hold up pretty well. I think he is saved this country. He is the best president of my lifetime. Yeah. Second best being Dwight Eisenhower. Where is this going? I'll tell it's the truth. Dwight Eisenhower, despite flaws, he was our best socialist president. There was a 90% tax rate when he was. Oh, that's right. He rebuilt, he built our highway. He built infrastructure like crazy. Unions became strong. The middle class became strong during his administration. Besides Obama, he's easily the best president of that. You're mistaking the great man theory with a product of the times. It's it's the reason Bill Clinton was such a terrible president that he couldn't reverse Reaganomics. But then he was just like the internet happened and he basically took credit for it. Is that what you're saying? I'm saying that Eisenhower was riding a post World War II wave of New Dealism and the great economy. I mean, we're the only policies though. He was of building infrastructure and all of our a lot of our highways that we ride on now or that was going to happen anyway during well, maybe, maybe not. Well, well, we were the only superpower. Europe was devastated. We had a lot of money coming in. We should have made long distance trams if you really think about it and taxing people at 90%. There was so much money coming in. That 90% you still you're still well. I'm just saying that the you know, if you look at the accomplishments of what happened during a president's administration, Eisenhower is is just at least comparatively is a very strong president of my lifetime. But the country was strong and he also gave us Nixon. Well, he was very dismissive of Nixon though. So much that he made him vice president for a second. I mean, that's true. That's I won't even stand up to Joe McCartney. No, he didn't. I'm not saying he was perfect. I'm saying that he he he was flawed. He was not strong on civil rights. So a lot of the progress that we had in the 60s maybe could have happened sooner if if he had had leadership in that capacity. Seriously, D-Day. He wasn't president then, but he was the commander. And so you're saying he fucked up the the World War II. Watch Private Ryan, man. Seriously. Did you wait? Are you joking or serious? I'm being absolutely serious. Where are you going with this? I don't believe this from one second. I remember watching Saving Private Ryan. And if this is a true story, D-Day. D-Day, that is the only true story in Saving Private Ryan. Okay, if that's a true story, there had to have been a better way to get friends. Yeah, they could have tunneled their way from Europe. You know. I don't know. That sure seemed like a slot. Is that the only World War II movie you've ever seen? Turn of Classic Movies over here? There was an Abbot and Costello movie. Buck Private, I think. I love Buck Private. Yes. I don't know if that's... I remember Lou was just about to take Omaha and he just froze and went... Abbot slap. And then he got shelled. Is Sam Cedar? I'm talking about World War II for our young listeners. This is the hippest episode of the David Feldman show yet. Seriously, if D-Day took place... So what should he have done instead? What should we have done instead of invading Europe and taking all the countries and... Have you seen High Castle or whatever that show was called on Amazon? I can't get into it. Oh, no? It's visually stunning. But let me get back... Hey, before you get there. We should have had a better plan than D-Day. That's true. The fear that this show is being taped on a Saturday that you're a Monday morning quarterback. Oh! If we had today... If we had today's social media and today's fragmented audience... Smell back to the future for... You're saying Alan Turing should have done a much better job than he did. He should have not just invented computers but invented the internet. I'm saying... We should have killed baby Hitler. Can't I have a serious conversation about D-Day? No. No. Because no one cares. Okay. I just think... What's your... No one cares. Let's just move on. What's your plan for invading Europe if there's no D-Day? Well, maybe appeasement. Okay. Appeasing who? Hitler. Oh, yeah? Maybe... Wow. How self-hating of you. Yeah, I know, right? I don't know. I just... I'm not a... You're not an Eisenhower fan. I'm an Eisenhower fan. I just think D-Day is overrated. Okay. I mean, it is banal. Let's face it. No, I think it... I think... I mean, if I had to get off one of those boats and charge the beach... That never would have happened. As a whiny Jew about to go to Omaha Beach. First of all, A, that would be the first time you ever went on a beach. B, you never would have survived that flight. You have more suntan lotion for me. Suntan lotion. I'm going to get... Yeah, because I wouldn't have even been sunscreen. You would have got... You would have just put some lard on yourself. Isn't that what people did in the olden days? You would have scammed your way into a deferment and you would have been in New York writing for Fiverr McGee and Molly. Kukla Fran and Ollie. Supporting the war in favor of the war. I mean, I think I would have gotten onto the beach and said, this is... Wait a second. You would have immediately started with a metal detector like looking for loose pieces of metal. Absolutely. I go, wait a second. You're asking me to take this beach and there are Nazis up there shooting... I want to speak to your supervisor. But actually... I just point out they took the beach. They did, but how many... But is that that great when all the Nazis were up there? That's right. And I'm being serious. There had to have been... I mean, couldn't you have softened the guys on the cliff? Shouldn't you have been bombing the guys on the cliff? I think... Actually, I think one of the problems was that they were supposed to have air cover that they didn't have that day. Yeah. I think that might have been one of the... So why didn't they call it off? But here's the question. Don't you think also that the beach volleyball games were too distracting? The American troops should never have been playing beach volleyball during the invasion. I don't mean to trivialize. They had seen... They had traveled to the future, seen Top Gun. Been like, wouldn't it be fucking awesome if we played beach volleyball on D-Day Beach? Then they did it. Boom. They lost. I don't mean to trivialize. I do. D-Day. And I know there were tides and they had to go... And he gets credit because the weather wasn't... But there's always tides. Yeah. But the weather... There was a certain window where they had to do it and the weather and they could have called it off. And he gets credit for not calling it off. I don't know. I don't know. Shoulda woulda coulda. It seems like a lot of guys died needlessly. And those are just the Nazis. That tends to happen. That tends to happen in a war. Well, all right, but... Okay. I know my listeners... You guys, wars are so bad. I like hate them. Well, Pap, you can. Oh, no. Okay, what were you going to say? Speaking of Nazis. So tell me about why you're excited about Hillary. I feel like I did this before. I know. All right. Well, here's the thing. America is sinister, right? Yes. We are like a fucking gross and scary world power. Yes. Doing sinister shit behind the scenes. Yep. Being number motherfucking one. I like it. Do I think it's fair? No. Do I enjoy the privilege of being an American? And all that implies? Indeed. So if I'm being totally honest with myself as a, you know, technically liberal minded person who nevertheless enjoys not getting blown up every five seconds, or like living in a civil war, or like being able to buy things at a store, or like not having my little hut flooded like every year, I like having us be in the number one position. And I like Hillary because she is a boss bitch who is going to fucking get things done and she's not afraid to be sinister. She's not shy about it. She's like, I help take out motherfucking bin Laden. That's good enough for me. When we come back, we're going to take a quick break to hear from our local affiliates. Okay. When we come back, Sam. Who's that? Like people spinning signs on the side of the highway for like Liberty tax returns? Yes. Okay.