 Think Tech Hawaii, civil engagement lives here. Aloha and mabuhay. My name is Amy Ortega Anderson, and I want to welcome you to another edition of Pinoy Power Hawaii here on Think Tech Hawaii. We come to your home every Tuesday live at 12 noon, and today we have a very special treat for you. But further ado, I'd like to introduce my special guest today to help us with our empowerment. Here on Pinoy Power Hawaii, we aim to enrich, enlighten, educate, entertain, but the bigger picture is that we hope to empower. And we're going to do just that with our guest. Her name is Kimi Gabbard, and she has a wonderful story of empowerment to share with each and every one of us. Kimi, welcome to Pinoy Power Hawaii. Thank you for having me. It is a pleasure to get to know you a little bit closer and personal, and we want to let the listening audience know when they hear of Kimi Gabbard. Tell us what you're all about. Well, I started a nonprofit organization called Kalei Aina. It was a vision of mine for about 15 years now, 10, 15 years. And it slowly progressed, but the vision was generally eastern, western Hawaiian cultural treatments in a natural environment. But as I look back on my life and how I had a lot of personal experiences of my own, I became more specific and focused on helping people who suffer from PTSD or who have been traumatized. And I think it really affects our outlook, our actions, our decision making as a whole, even when we become adults, that we didn't even realize how much it affected us back when I was a child. So just trying to bring awareness to our community about what trauma can do, what and how PTSD has such a negative stigma, but by providing education to our community and to bring the awareness that it's not a thing to call like crazy, rather than to say, how can I understand what this person has gone through and help take responsibility for our community? As we are known on the Hawaiian Islands as Ohana, our culture is family. So once you step on our Ohana, it's more of a, you're part of our family. And so taking that responsibility, just rather than just grumbling about it and complaining what other people should do, I'm trying to help. And just as much as I can do and to help other people who have the same goals to say, hey, you're not alone. And you're, you know, let's hear your story because everybody has a story. Yes, we all do. And I'm so happy to connect with you because what you're talking about, you're mirroring what I want to do in a bigger picture. It's part of my empowerment to help those that don't have any hope or they're so beaten down that they don't know where to run to or to go to for help, to get out of their misery. Tell us real quickly to some of us that are not quite familiar with PTSD. As PTSD stands for post-traumatic stress disorder. And it's, people relate to that specifically just to military. And right now it's not just military. It's anyone, any individual who has suffered a traumatic event, whether it's one or several, depends on their coping mechanisms or how they're raised, their education level, their genetics. It's all cumulative and comprehensive of how high at risk or low at risk you are in developing the PTSD post-traumatic stress disorder. People can be traumatized several times, many times, one time, and have developed PTSD. Other times, no, they have symptoms, but not enough to be categorized as having PTSD. Okay, so let's walk our audience back to some of those experiences that prompt you to want to make a difference. Like in my case, I've lived with my mother suffering from Alzheimer's, only to find out later that she was suffering for a lifetime with PTSD. It was traumatic for her to have me because from a broken relationship, she was fooled by my father thinking that he was going to be there as a family unit, and yet she was abandoned when she was pregnant with me. So my upbringing or how I came about to this earth is very traumatic. So I can relate to what you're saying. As a result, she was mentally challenged with—she's got a beautiful mind, but because of her trauma in her life, she didn't know how to handle these trials. And it's painful for me to hear, and when I hear of stories like people suffering from PTSD, it brings me back to that very traumatic day when my very famous father, who is a politician, wanted to abort me. And if my mother chose that route or that decision, I would not be here today. So I was conceived hearing of the word abort. Let's terminate. Let's get rid. Can you imagine? Because the fetus has such a mind that it can grasp and understand everything that's going on outside of the womb. So— But you're living testimony—you're living testimony of exactly what empowerment is, right? Just we can do this, survivors that were not alone sharing our stories were not alone. And there's so many other people out there that, you know, if I'm an Asian, I'm adopted. I'm adopted too, yeah. I was saved by my stepfather. Oh, my God. So, you know, that's like heaven—that was the answer. Yes, yep. Yeah, heaven sent. I truly believe, and that's part of my—that helped me throughout everything that I've gone through. I was adopted. I found out that my dad actually came back after I was adopted six months later to come fight for me. And because he was going to be a single parent, they granted my parents in custody. That was, you know, no matter what, I'm blessed by the fact that our parents adopted us, that we had a family. But my adopted mom suffered from mental illness, too. She had her own story. She suffered her own traumas in her childhood. And therefore, she developed some mental illness, and growing up with that and having to deal with that was challenging. She was abusive, mentally, physically, emotionally, but as I got older, I realized that she was just human, and she—we didn't speak Asian style. You don't speak of your problems to anybody, because that's very shameful. Yes. You don't air out your dirty laundry to anybody, and don't tell family secrets. Just— That's right. You know— You cover it up, and you learn to smile, even though you're hurting inside. I knew that mask that hurt and pain for so long that, you know, I went—I think I went on to survival mode after a while, because it was just one after another, after another, and just being—you know, she said, oh, I'm going to kill myself, and then every time I came home, it would be like, am I going to find my mom— Dead. Dead. And, unfortunately, my parents separated my senior year, several years before that, but by a senior year, my dad remarried, and he just told me one thing I'll never forget is when I was leaving for college, he says, okay, now, Kimmy, you're 18 years old, you're going to—you're an adult now. Uh-huh. You're going to go off to college. Now, your happiness is your own responsibility. Because you're an adult. Yeah, you're an adult. You had to transition. And first, I never listened to my dad, or never, right? I'm like more of like the butterfly—like social butterfly, it's carrot-free. But somehow, that stuck with me. And he even said, and if you can't be—if you can't be happy, just be at peace. And that's what I tell a lot of people who I work with, who I've been traumatized, you know, sometimes trying to have a long-term goal versus a short-term goal, trying to find that peace within you to say, okay, do I need help? And I—who do I trust? Where do I go? Yes. You know, luckily, I had friends who really helped me, and God was my saving grace. My personal story was that God was my saving grace, and he put people in my life that really helped me, whether it's short-term or long-term. And I really felt the love and connection, which helped me, you know, keep going. It was just—and, you know, after that, I was de-virginized and raped by a good friend of mine who I went to church with. He—it was very shameful, because I was like, oh, okay, it was in their house, and I just—he was attractive, but I didn't want that. I was like a virgin, you know, I'm a very good girl. I didn't believe in that. My mom raised me like Baptist, and I went to church since I was like three, four years old, so to me, that was very sacred. So when that was taken away from me, I kind of felt used, like I wasn't good at—you know, I wasn't—I was a used product. And so I didn't—I lost self-esteem, I lost self-confidence, and then I chose a road of self-destruction, which I didn't even realize. I was like, no, I'm over, it's okay, whatever, you know, I—it just—it went—it was so traumatic that I, like, put it secretly in the closet somewhere in my mind. Like, it didn't exist. I thought rape—because I was so sheltered, I thought rape was, like, you know, Lisa Owl, that you were raped and then left for dead. So I just thought, oh, I'm fortunate, I'm still alive, and my girlfriend's were like, no, this is what happens. So you were lucky to live through it, yeah, rather than being found dead. Yeah, and I—for me, that's what rape was, but there's so many types of rape and how you can be raped by even mostly—most times, it's people you know, and it's just—it was hard to take, and I didn't—I decided to put it in the back storage. It makes it even more traumatic, because these are the people that you trust. Right, exactly, and so for me, trust was gone since my mother, you know, started abusing me, and then, of course, when I was raped, that lost more trust in people, but as time went on, I chose really bad guys, bad boys, that really, you know, I didn't have self-esteem. I didn't have self-confidence. One of my friends was like, you're such a doormat, but— They call your names that degrade and just rip your soul apart. Right, because they're like—they didn't understand, and I was from an Asian culture. My mom brought me up. Even though I'm adopted, I'm, you know, white, Hawaiian, Spanish, and Asian, but I was raised in a culture where you don't say anything. You just pretend nothing happened and smile— Right, move on. Move on, you know. At what age was this, Kimmy? At 18 years old. So I went to college, and I had one boyfriend for a long time, for several years, and then we broke up, and then I came back home. But when I came back home, it was like the same destructive cycle. You know, it was just not good decision-making. So it went on. It's like a broken recording. Yes, and I wasn't even conscious of it. I wasn't even like, what am I doing? It was just like, oh well, whatever. And it came to a point where it climaxed to one of my ex-boyfriends who— I ended up in the ER, and I worked in the ER, and when I became a patient, the chief of medicine who was very respectable and very stern sat down with me and just said, you know, Kimmy, I don't want to end up seeing you on a channel to newsdead. He goes, do you see what I see? He goes, yeah, bruises all over your neck. You were six foot two tall, dark handsome, and just threw me like a rag doll. Almost fell off the balcony once, and I was kidding myself, like, oh no, he loves me. He's just angry. He'll get better. I can help him get better, and doing the Florence Nightingale Syndrome thing. Hold that thought for a moment, and we will continue our conversation. You are tuning into Pinoy Power, Hawaii, where we become transparent and we share stories that hopefully will make a difference. We will be right back here on Pinoy Power, Hawaii. Aloha, this is Winston Welch. I am your host of Out and About, where every other week, Mondays at 3, we explore a variety of topics in our city, state, nation, and world, and events, organizations, the people that fuel them. It's a really interesting show. We welcome you to tune in, and we welcome your suggestions for shows. You got a lot of them out there, and we have an awesome studio here, where we can get your ideas out as well. So I look forward to you tuning in every other week, where we've got some great guests and great topics. You're going to learn a lot, you're going to come away inspired, like I do. So I'll see you every other week here at 3 o'clock on Monday afternoon. Aloha. Hello, I'm Yukari Kunisue. I'm your host of New Japanese Language Show on Think Tech, Hawaii, called Konnichiwa, Hawaii, broadcasting live every other Monday at 2 p.m. Please join us, where we discuss important and useful information for the Japanese language community in Hawaii. The show will be all in Japanese. Hope you can join us every other Monday at 2 p.m. Aloha. Welcome back to Pinoy Power, Hawaii, and we appreciate you tuning in to our weekly program. We come to your home every Tuesday live at 12 noon. We're having conversation with a very wonderful, lovely woman of empowerment. Kimi Gabbard is her name. I will ask her how she has that Gabbard name. But again, our mission here on Pinoy Power, Hawaii, which is an extension of my radio program on Pinoy Power Media, we aim to enrich, enlighten, educate, entertain, and we hope to empower. And today we're doing just that. Welcome back again, our guest Kimi Gabbard, the founder of Kala'i Aina. And I understand it translates as a land of peace. Yes. Okay, so let's go back to our discussion. I feel for you, your pain feels like I've been there, but part of me has that denial. And of course, Asians especially, we tend to do a good job covering up. We put our plastic face forward. We call it Tupperware in the Filipino language, and we move on and pretend like nothing happened. But it comes back to haunt us and it keeps resurfacing like a broken recording, Kimi, that it affects us on the long run, eternally if we don't get hold of it. Yeah, so tell us about the Gabbard name because people are wondering and curious. Yes, I'm related to Tulsi Gabbard and Mike Gabbard. Actually, I went full circle around Tulsi's oldest brother, Bhakti, was my first boyfriend ever. And so after a few months, we parted our ways and every so often in life we would cross paths. And a few years ago, he messaged me saying, would you like to hang out? I'm going to be in Hawaii for a little while. I said, sure. And then it just transpired into getting married and he's such a blessing to me because of the fact of all my track records of bad decision-making with men. I finally found and ended up with a wonderful human being with a great soul and spirit and very optimistic and very loving. His name is actually, I was kidding each other because he says, what is your name? Bhakti. He says, love and devotion. I say, okay, great. Remember that to me. The Gabbard name is so well known here in Hawaii and we have a higher regard for them, especially Mike and Tulsi. Tulsi, yes. Wonderful people, stable, very healthy. Grounded. Grounded, very grounded. And we all... It sounds like your man, your king, who came to rescue you with his shining armor, came back for the second time around. God works in mysterious ways and the higher powers, I went full circle. Many tolds and then I came and made me more appreciative of what I have now. So you're having awakening, just like I'm having awakening. The second time around for me, I just wanted to share my blessings with others by helping to empower others. And this is how Pinoy Power, how I came about. It's an empowerment. But I grew up on the island of Lanai. I develop a Tita attitude, like... I'm from Wai'anae. Yes, so you can relate to that, right? There are people that go around bullying other people and if you surrender to that, you're going to be bullied for life. So I learned to stand up, not in a physical way, but in words, that there are ways. The pen is mightier than the sword. I started to write my thoughts out and learn how to speak. When I came to Hawaii in 1969, I was nine years old. I could hardly speak English, but... You sound perfect. I ended up mimicking Kani Chun, because she was Asian and she spoke well. So I would practice, take my mirror, and I would imitate how she pronounced things. And this is probably why today, I'm able to speak without my Filipino accent, but it's still surfaces. But you're beautiful and you're an inspiration. We have a lot of things in common. I develop my own pride, not in the sense of being boastful, but I'm proud of my ethnicity now and very proud of it. It's strong, confident, empowerment. So Kimi, I understand that you attended Punahou school. When you say Punahou, you've got to have money to be able to afford that school, because I sent my daughters to St. Andrew's Priory. And when they were attending about 10 years ago, it was up to 20 grand a year. Punahou was even more expensive. I was fortunate. I was an only child because I was adopted. My mom didn't have kids. And so I was very fortunate in that way, but money can only buy you so much happiness. And then it comes back to working with who I am and developing self-confidence, self-image again. So they wanted to give you the best education to train you for the world. Punahou was the best years of my life. I actually, through all being married to a military who had PTSD with psychosis, putting a gun to my head, thinking that was funny, having bad relationships, abusive relationships with boyfriends, the Punahou, when I actually start to separate from my ex-husband, he was in Iraq at that time, after he came back from his R&R, I was diagnosed with the brain tumor. And so even though we're in a separation, I was like, I need to stay married because of insurance reasons and somehow friends and people put on Facebook what happened, what was going on. And it was amazing how Punahou, I mean not, I'm biased, but because of the family you developed, not just in high school or grade school, but for your lifetime, I was so happy and kind of shocked that, wow, these people remember me 20 years ago and they're saying, how can we help you? We have, you have our support. I had classmates come and pick me up, take me to dinner. It was amazing. You formed that eternal bond. Yeah. And I'm thankful to all Punahou, our Punahou family. Thank you very much. Yay, Punahou. You mentioned brain tumor. I was diagnosed in 2004 with brain tumor, but for me, I think it was my body's way of saying, hey, I have a problem. I need help because all that time with all the traumas in my life, I was still in denial too. I did a really good job in hiding, masking, all the pain that I was going through. In fact, today, it still hurts for me to talk about it. That's why I kind of just rush through it and don't go into details, but I'm a survivor too, so. But you made well for yourself. Yeah. And thank God, the brain tumor has, it was divine intervention that it didn't grow to interfere with my ability to think or reason. So how's your brain tumor? Is it under control? Well, every six months, I have to. Go through MRI? MRI, the tests and everything. Yes. I go through that too. I can relate. Luckily, like I said, through faith and just being more cautious, being more strict with my diet. That's a huge part of it. That is. I mean, my husband and I are vegetarians. The whole Gabbard family are vegetarians, but when I became a vegetarian, when I married my husband, I gained 20 pounds. So there's like good, healthy vegetarians and not so healthy. So, but I did because of memory loss and some, you know, de-abilitating memory issues. It was more of a, how can I better my brain, right? I actually, I'm reading a book now, Dr. Daniel Amon, the Amon Clinics, where you can actually develop, and he says nutrition is key. Yes. You know, getting yourself checked, spec scans, and nourish, think of your brain as an organ that you need to be healthy if that's not healthy. It's part of our temple. Yes. So we got to do our job to take care of it, because we only have one, right? Absolutely. Okay, with the time that we have remaining, I know that you founded Kalaïna, and I'd like to connect with you in that sense. I have one acre of a land that I'm farming, and I always feel at peace when I'm working and tilling the land, because I'm so close to nature. So if there's any way that we could help to turn that as a sanctuary, a place for women, or people can get away to experience a little bit of heaven and earth, I'd like to share that blessing. I really appreciate that, because I'm so into working together with our community, because it's not competition, it's just about the mission, the purpose, the passion we have, because we live through it, we put our hearts into it, and know and understand it from an empathetic view that these women, guys, children, suffer from any type of trauma are hurting. Yes, it's not just women. Right. Yeah. And the silence is the killer. Yes. You know, it eats at you, and it can actually mat it itself out into a physiological illness or disease. And look, both of us, we've been through so much trauma that I really do believe, because it's idiopathic of my brain type tumor. We are survivors. Yeah, and I think it was caused by a lot of stress, because at that time, my ex-husband, it was insane of, that's why my heart goes out and wants to work with military as well, and first responders, because I'm a first responder. I really believe that it's our body's way of saying, hey, I need help. There's something wrong with me. Health to fix me. So if anybody would like to help donate, help you with your intent to continue your mission, how could they reach out to you? So it's Kalaee, I know, W-W-W, Kalaee, K-A-L-A-I-A-I-N-A.com. There's a donate button. It's, I would greatly appreciate it. This is phase one, is I have my own office in Kailua. We provide support groups. We're doing outreach programs. We're working with women correctional facilities that have really been traumatized a lot. And then phase two is combining Eastern, Western, Hawaiian cultural treatments in a natural environment. So I'm trying to build a retreat with options of treatments. There's not one specific type of treatment program that helps everyone. Everybody gets to pick their own. But help is available. But help is available. And to bring the awareness out and to stop the negative stigma about, I'm going to keep this a secret. I know I'm suffering from something, or my husband or my child is suffering from something, but I'm just going to keep quiet. This is a time to come out and not be silent, to get the proper help, and to have that support that helps you say, you're not alone. Yes. Because that's key. Nobody wants to feel alone. Well, let's come together and find peace and bring awareness. Thank you again for being here, Kimi. And I wish you the best of luck. Thank you very much. And we appreciate you for sharing. Thank you. Good luck. Thank you. Again, we want to thank you for joining us here on Pinoy Power Hawaii. And we encourage you to tune in every Tuesday, 12 noon here on Think Tech Hawaii for more empowerment. And as we say, Aloha. Maraming salamat po. Mabuhay.