 So you want to rule them all? You've seen Lord of the Rings. You know how powerful Sauron is. But how did he get to be so powerful? Well, thanks to Amazon's Rings of Power, we can now provide you with a step-by-step guide so that you too can rule them all. Step one, go sailing. If you aren't near any large bodies of water, I'm sorry, you don't know what it takes, thanks for playing. But if you do manage to get to water, try to find a boat that looks a bit rough, not entirely seaworthy, and book passage. Step two, get shipwrecked. If the boat that you're on isn't damaged enough to get shipwrecked on its own, you can always help it along by sabotaging it yourself. But don't die. Step three, wait. Step four, avoid being eaten by sea monsters. We recommend saving a couple of your fellow passengers from the shipwreck so that you can toss them at any beasties that you come across. Step five, rescue a rebellious elf. Now, if possible, when you're booking passage on that questionable boat, try to time the voyage to coincide with the elves leaving for Valinor. And again, if possible, try to confirm that Galadriel will be on that voyage. Recommended, but not necessary, try to make sure that you've antagonized Galadriel for the preceding thousand years. Ideally, be responsible for the death of a beloved family member. Step six, provoke the elf. Now, you'll be ahead of the game if you follow the recommended part of step five. But if not, not to worry. There's plenty of time between you pulling her out of the water, that she voluntarily jumped into, and you being rescued for you to aggravate her. Step six, A is to place clues. You'll want to wear some old, super old insignia that no one is likely to still recognize nowadays. Trinket bearing insignia sold separately. When asked where you found it, make it clear that it does not belong to you, that it means nothing to you, that you just found it. Step seven, get rescued. Try to plan so that your shipwreck occurs near the shores of Numenor, but not so close that they'd rescue you before you have the opportunity to rescue Galadriel. Step eight, be diplomatic. Make sure you don't ruffle any Numenorian feathers. After all, your goal here is to get back to Middle Earth with their helm. When Galadriel is unpleasant, this is one of the reasons it's so important to antagonize her, you'll end up looking great by comparison. Step nine, antagonize the locals. You want to establish dominance early so your new neighbors will respect you. So try to cheat them or piss them off in some way that you end up brawling in the street. Step ten, get arrested. If you've antagonized Galadriel sufficiently, she'll be locked up in no time, and you want to make sure that you're in the cell next to her when that happens. Step 11, be kind of helpful. You want to make sure Galadriel stays pretty prickly, so be condescending about it, but also give her some kind of decent advice like how to manipulate people. Don't worry about giving away your secret recipe for success, it'll go right over her head. Step 11a, it's sabotage. If Galadriel breaks out of jail, there is a very high likelihood of her doing that. Make sure you maintain positive relations with the Numenorians by sabotaging her plans and telling the Numenorians what she's up to. Step 12 is nesting. Make Numenor your home. Get acquainted with the locals, pick up a trade, become a contributing member of Numenorian society. This way, just in case this iron clad plan for world domination doesn't work out, you'll still have a nice life. Step 13 is reverse psychology. When you see that your plan is working and Galadriel has determined, on the basis of you finding and wearing an all but forgotten sigil, that you are the rightful king of the Southlands, do your best to convince her that she is wrong, that you want nothing to do with Middle-Earth, or the Southlands. Galadriel cannot abide anyone disagreeing with her, so she will become obsessed with convincing you that she is right. Step 14, grudgingly agree to go to Middle-Earth. If you can, try to wait until the last possible moment and then make a grand surprise entrance, fully clad in armor, ready to join her on her quest. Both suit of armor sold separately. Step 15, try to reveal your identity. If you can, try to capture somebody that you hurt before who is quite likely to recognize you and in front of Galadriel ask them if they do recognize you. If they don't, just make sure that Galadriel does not kill them because they could always remember you later. Step 16, become king. This is not as difficult as it sounds. Simply discreetly wear your ancient, unlikely to still be recognized sigil and acting regional manager Bronwyn will declare you to be the rightful king. Step 17, survive volcanic eruption. We recommend holding your breath. Step 18, get wounded. We feel it's risky to rely on someone else to wound you but not kill you. We recommend you wait until long after the battle is finished and wound yourself, and then if possible introduce some kind of contaminant so that the wound begins to fester immediately. No one will suspect that you've wounded yourself because what king would do that to himself just to avoid his duty? Step 19, feign illness. You want to appear to be at death's door so that Galadriel will think that it's an emergency that cannot be left to the capable hands of local elf healer Arendir. She will feel it necessary to rush you on horseback over several days and nights across all of Middle Earth to Eurekion so your injuries can be properly tended to by elven healers. This is why it's key that you wound yourself in a strategically harmless area because otherwise there's a high likelihood that this journey would kill you. Step 20, wander around. Now that your cutting plan has gained you access to Eurekion, take in the sights. Make a good impression on the locals. Here's a tip. People, especially elves, really love it when you barge in and touch all their stuff. Step 21, assume you're speaking with idiots. There is a high probability that you will meet with the legendary Elven Smith Calibrim War. We recommend you impress him by suggesting some very rudimentary metalworking ideas so that he begins to trust you and rely on you. Step 22, get caught. We feel confident that by now Galadriel will begin to suspect your true identity, but just to help things along a little bit we recommend that you incorporate some vaguely ominous phrases into any conversations that you have with her. Just to edge her in the right direction. Step 23, confess. At this point you can expect that Galadriel will confront you about all of her incorrect conclusions. Conclusions which you cleverly did nothing to encourage. When Galadriel realizes that you are not the king of the Southlands that she decided that you are, you might expect that she conclude that you really were just a nobody that you found on a raft and that you really were just wearing the sigil that you found on some dead body. But Galadriel exhibiting this kind of logical thinking is highly unlikely so we don't recommend you trying to explain this away as a simple misunderstanding. Galadriel will conclude that the only possible explanation for you not being the king that she decided that you are is that you are in fact Sauron. Do nothing to dissuade or discourage her from that conclusion. Step 24, show off. So now that the cat is out of the proverbial bag it's time to demonstrate your powers. This is a great opportunity to get creative so have fun with it. Some suggestions to get you started. You might manipulate her memories about a cherished and trusted loved one. Maybe take her back to the memory of first meeting you. Perhaps tempt her with a glimpse of a possible future which would persuade her to join your side. Something like a hazy indistinct reflection of a womanish shape next to a pointy man shape in murky waters. Something like that. Step 25, bounce. When Galadriel rejects your offer of friendship and alliance which she inevitably will you'll need to get out of there as quickly as possible. You may be tempted to kill or kidnap her as she knows your secret and might send elven forces after you but our advice is to leave her well and alive in a reggae on. This may seem counterintuitive but steps one through 24 of this plan will ensure that once you leave Galadriel will out of spite move forward with any plans that you had said in motion and don't worry about her sharing what she knows she'll be way too embarrassed about fancying you to tell anybody the truth. Step 26, delegate. There's no need for you to DIY them. Galadriel and company will make the rings for you so you can just head on home to Mordor. Step 27, result. Congratulations! You now rule them all. Nine rings for men, seven rings for dwarves and one ring to rule them all all sold separately. Have it! Now you too can rule them all. Let me know in the comments down below if these steps were helpful to you. If you plan to put this plan into action. If you already have and you've had some success, whatever you want to let me know. I post videos on Saturdays, other random times will be on Daphne Saturdays so like and subscribe to run my Patreon if you feel so inclined and I'll see you when I see you.