 Lux presents Hollywood. The Lux Radio Theater brings you Rosalind Russell, Laurence Olivier and Gail Patrick in My Favorite Wife. Ladies and gentlemen, your producer, Mr. Cecil D. DeMille. Greetings from Hollywood, ladies and gentlemen. Tonight we bring you a modern comedy based on an old-fashioned idea. The notion that woman's place is in the home. Of course, only a brave man would argue that point with a woman nowadays. But tonight, two women argue it with each other. In the play My Favorite Wife, Rosalind Russell and Gail Patrick both want the woman's place in Laurence Olivier's home. And all he can do about it is let the best woman win. Ms. Russell, who's here from Metro-Goldwyn-Mayer, plays a feminine Enoch Arden. Like the sailor in Tennyson's poem, she returns after being shipwrecked on an island to find that her lawful wedded mate believes her dead and has married again. You remember that Enoch Arden was a self-sacrificing soul. When he found another man in his place, he went quietly on his way. But when Ellen Arden, our shipwrecked lady tonight, finds another woman in her place, she puts up a wail of a fight. Perhaps that's the woman's angle. Or maybe it's just because Leo McCary, instead of Lord Tennyson, produced the RKO screen success. There's a trend these days toward gay romances like My Favorite Wife. And perhaps you've noticed that Hollywood has been making more musicals, too. That has a more far-reaching effect than you might guess. More musicals mean more girls in the cast. More girls mean more stockings for the wardrobe department to look after. And as our wardrobe man was telling me the other day, that means more Lux Flakes used at the studio. For the studio wardrobe department, that's a matter of shrewd business. And of course, that credits all of you who use Lux Flakes with shrewd business judgment, too. Now I hope you'll all credit us with shrewd casting in My Favorite Wife. Starring Russel and Russell as Ellen Arden, Lawrence Olivier as Nick, and Gail Patrick as Bianca. The magic works once more. And not do our engineer in the control room a signal to our players a wave to sound effects, a flash of footlights, and the Lux Radio Theatre becomes a courtroom. Our play begins. General Sessions, Judge Walter Bryson, presiding as our session. Are the parties ready in the matter of Ellen Wegstaff, Arden? What's the matter, Clerk? Let's get on. I'm sorry, Your Honor. The matter of Ellen Wegstaff, Arden. Oh, here. Right here. Present. That's about time. I'm sorry. I didn't hear the case called, Your Honor. I wonder if you could... Just a moment. Clerk, wasn't I supposed to marry somebody this morning? Why, yes, Your Honor. Well, let's get it over with. This can wait. This is a very complicated case, this, Arden. Yes, but, Your Honor, wait a minute. Go ahead, Clerk. Your Honor, this man is Mr. Rock. Says what? He's dead. Who's dead? Ellen Wegstaff. That's sad. It's very sad. Yeah, if you're... Your Honor, please. Your Honor, please. Yes, Your Honor. I know it. That's what I thought. Well, Mr. Arden, according to this brief, your deceased wife, Ellen Wegstaff, Arden, was a member of an anthropological expedition, shipwrecked off the coast of Indochina. Yes, Your Honor. What was she doing on an expedition? She had two infant children. Well, you'll find the circumstances set forth in my brief, sir. Hmm. Said Ellen Wegstaff, Arden, was engaged as photographer for a period of three months. That's it. You see, we were going to take the trip together, but I became involved in the case, and I couldn't leave. So we talked it over, and finally she decided she'd like to take the trip herself. She needed a change. She had a tough time with the children, teething. Just the facts. Never mind the teething. Yes, Your Honor. You're a lawyer. Stick to the facts. Yes, Your Honor. They're in my brief. Well, let me read it. Stop interrupting. When did you say the ship went down? Page seven on September the 3rd, 1932. Page seven. I'll find it. Page seven. Last scene entering one of the life, folks. But what shining in my eyes here? I beg your pardon? There's something shining in my eyes I can't see. Last scene entering. You over there, that young woman. You mean me? What do you think you're doing? Put that confounded mirror away. Do you want to blind me? I'm very sorry. I'll wash your face instead of painting it. I'm sick. What are you doing in this court, anyway? She's here with me, Your Honor. Well, go over there and sit down. Stop using this court as a voodooir. Now, where was I? On page seven of the shipwrecks. What efforts did you make to trace the whereabouts of your wife? On page eight, I went to Bangkok and interviewed all the available survivors who agreed that the said Ellen Wagstaff Arden had been swept overboard before aid could reach her. Depositions are pending. Quiet! Yes, Your Honor, but I'd like to explain... There's nothing to explain. Testimonies here, sworn affidavits. No evidence to the contrary. The law is clear. I hereby pronounce Ellen Wagstaff Arden legally dead. Wasn't I supposed to marry somebody? Yes, sir. Us. What do you mean us? Who's us? Mr. Arden and myself, Your Honor. What's that? Are you going to marry again, Mr. Arden? Yes, Your Honor. Are you quite sure you've had time to think it over? Your Honor, Mr. Arden is over 21. I'll be angry quietly. All right, hold hands. Hold hands. Nikki. Here we go, darling. Hang on. We're gathered here in the presence of these witnesses to join in matrimony. Is this where you wanted to go, lady? Yeah. Thanks for the lift. That's okay. What are you crying about, sister? I can't help it. You see that house? Yeah. I... I live there. So, uh, it ain't a bad joint. Swimming pool and everything. Is that something to cry about? No, but I haven't seen it for seven years. Yeah? Well, look, sister, not that it's any of my business, but when a girl dressed up in sailor pants asks for a lift and gets off at a classy joint like this... Do you mind? It's an awfully long story. Maybe we'll meet again sometime. Oh. Okay. So long, sister. Goodbye. Thanks again. You cannot either. I just broke in here. Hello. Hello there. Well, uh, I used to be a lady. Well, then what for are you wearing sailor pants? Are you a sailor? Well, not exactly. My mother was practically a sailor. She went down in a shipwreck. We're not supposed to know. Oh. Do you miss her very much? Oh, sure. Would you like to have her back? Can't have her back. She's drowned. We put flowers on her grave every Easter with daddy. You do? And then daddy buys us hamburgers and root beer. Oh. Tell me, is your grandmother in, Timmy? How'd you know my name? Oh, I just guessed. Is she in? I forgot. We're not allowed to talk to strangers. Maybe you can tell me. Is your grandmother in? Pardon me. We're not allowed to talk to strangers. Would you go in the house? Yeah. Yes, who is it? Come in, please. Hello, darling. Ellen. Good heavens. No, no, no, no, no. Take it easy, mother. Ellen. Here, sit down. Sit down, darling. Oh. Oh, Ellen. Take a deep breath. There. Are you all right now? Oh, I can't believe it. I just can't believe it. Bless your hearts. After all these years. Who is it really, you, Ellen? Of course it is. Oh. How's Nicky? Nicky? Yes, you know. Your son, my husband. He's all right, isn't he? Oh, yes, yes. Nicky's fine. Fine. Good. Ellen, where have you been? On an island. Attitude 12. Longitude 128. And I'd still be there if a Portuguese freighter hadn't wandered 200 miles off its course. They brought me back. Wonderful, darling. Oh, by the way, how was my funeral? Lovely. Dr. Blake preached a wonderful sermon. Oh. I wish I'd been there. Silly. Tell me about Nicky. Is he as handsome as ever? Nicky? Oh, I think so. Where is he? Where is he now? I'm dying to see him. Ellen, there's something I've got to tell you. Nick's married again. He is? Is she nice? No. Do I know her? No. He met her on the boat when he went to look for you. On the boat. That's one thing I never thought about. Nick's marrying again. Just how long did he wait? They only got married this morning. Today? And they went off in the car to Yosemite for the honeymoon. Yosemite? Oh, don't tell me he's taken her to the same hotel that we... Oh, no. Well, Nick had some business in San Francisco. Did he? Well, I've got some business in Yosemite. Martin, do planes fly to Yosemite now? Yes, I think... What are you going to do? I don't know, but I think I'm going to be a reception committee. I'm going to get to Yosemite first. Front boy. Front. Front. Yes, madam. What can I do for you? Hello. Is Mr. Arden here? Mr. Nicholas Arden? No, Mr. Arden hasn't arrived yet. Oh, thank you. Are you the bride by any chance? No. No, not exactly. I beg your pardon, madam. I'll just wait if you don't mind. Thank you very much. Not at all, madam. Hmm, that's very strange. Right away, Bianca. Good evening. Good evening, sir. My name is Arden. Oh, yes, Mr. Arden. I believe that a young lady... Will you have a reservation for me, please? Yes, sir. Sweet A, Mr. Arden. Oh, sweet A. It's our best. Well, I'd rather not have it if you don't mind. I couldn't take sweet A because I've been here before, you understand? Yes, sir. Boy, sweet C. Any trouble, darling? Certainly not. Sorry to keep you waiting, Bianca. Let's go, shall we? Going up, sir? Thanks. Look, when that gentleman comes, will you let me know? The gentleman is here, madam. Oh, well, I won't disturb him yet. What? Going up, sir. Nikki, what's the matter? That was...she... Oh, no, no, no. Nikki, what is it? Imagination, seeing things. Come on, darling. The elevator's waiting. Love our room. Yeah. Look at the view. Yeah, beautiful. Nikki, darling. Aren't you going to kiss me? Hmm? Oh, sure, sure. But, Bianca, I've got to go downstairs again. Oh, what on earth? Oh, I've got to make sure that I'll be right back. I was expecting a call, you see. Well, they'll ring up here. Will they? Is something the matter, Nikki? No, no, it's just... You know what I need? What, dear? A shave. What? Yeah, I'll go down to the barber shop, be right back. Oh, Nikki, why don't you shave yourself? I'd love to watch you. Remember the way Victoria always watched Albert? Albert who? Prince Albert and Queen Victoria silly. Oh, well, he didn't hack himself to pieces the way I do. I'll go down to the barber shop and be right back. Right back. Don't be long. Right back. Ellen. Hello, Nick. Ellen. It is you, isn't it? Yes. Oh, Ellen. Kiss me. That's all I wanted to know, Nick. Look, let's go somewhere where we can talk. Where? Well, let's go to your room. I haven't got a room. Oh, well, I'll get you one. Oh, clerk. Yes, Mr. Albert. I'd like to have another room. Another room? Yes, I just said that. Oh, certainly, sir. Thank you. Is Sweet A available? Sweet A? Yes, Sweet A. Front. Sweet A. It's an awkward situation, of course, but you'll have to face it, Nick. Yeah. You mean telling the anchor? Yeah. Yeah, I know. But what am I going to say? Well, that depends on what you feel. Well, it's not as easy as all that. You see, Yanka's very sensitive. She's high strung. Oh, one of those. Yeah. This is going to be a horrible shock. Nick, are you in love with her? No. You must have told you were, didn't you? Sure you did. All right, sure I did. Nick, how could you? The minute my back was turned. The minute? Oh, Nick, look at you. You could only see your face. Oh, don't choke, darling. It's too serious. I'll take it as probably for me again. Hello? Mr. Arden, this is the desk clerk. Mr. Arden, we don't like to interfere with the privacy of our guests. But your wife is calling for you again. Well, tell my wife I'll be right up. I'm still being shaved. You know, I've got a feeling you're enjoying my misery. Nick, did you think she'd make a good mother? Was that why you were attracted to her? Yeah, that's it. You thought she'd be good for Timmy and Chinch? Of course. Oh, of course. You don't believe me, huh? I didn't say I don't believe you. I'm just facing facts. You love this woman enough to ask her to be your wife and the mother of my children. That takes a lot of love. You, you sure you don't love her? The moment I saw you downstairs, I knew. Oh, go on. I bet you say that to all your wives. You know, I could strangle you. Well, that's the way out. But I can't just barge in and say, sorry, my mistake, marriage is off. Can I? What am I, a dope? Look, let's try something like this. I'll be... Oh, well, what's her name again? Bianca. Bianca. All right, I'm Bianca. Now, you come in. Huh? Come in, come in. You come to tell me. Oh, yeah, all right. I'm in. Yes, well, now say something. Hello, Bianca. Oh, that's good. That is. Now, she'll say, hello, darling. Really, I'm terribly sorry. You've been such a long time. She doesn't talk like that. Oh, well, what's the difference? And then she'll say, darling, aren't you going to kiss me? Well, won't you? Oh, Nick. Could I see you a minute, please? Say, what do you mean by barging in here? Mr. Rodden, I'm the clerk of this hotel. Now, I know who you are. Mr. Rodden, I feel it's my duty to inform you that we run a first-class place, and we don't like to be made a party to an intrigue. We've maintained a reputation for respectability for 33 years, and we don't intend to lose it in one night. It's a very simple situation, Mr. Explain it to him. All right, I will. Now, I came up here with my wife, my bride, really. Well, now my wife, not my bride, my wife. Oh, why should I bore you with all the details? I won't be bored. Listen, it's as simple as A, B, C. Don't tell me you've got somebody in B. You'd better go. If you please. All right, I'll be back, Ellen. I'm afraid not, Mr. Rodden. Goodbye, Nick. And don't forget, you're going to tell her. Yes, sure, sure. I'll tell her. This way, Mr. Rodden. Oh, shut up, will you? But you've been home here since last night, and the children are beginning to wonder about things. I know, Ma, I know. Are you going to tell them who you are? Of course. As soon as I get the chance. Ma, did you hear anything from Nick? No, not a word. It's funny. Well, to me, it isn't. I suppose he's having trouble telling her. Well, he's had a night and a day. That ought to be long enough. I still said it's too long. Listen, that must be Nick now. He's got a car, but... Oh, Ma. What is it? He's brought her with him. Oh, dear. Don't you suppose he's told her? I guess he hasn't. Then perhaps it would be better if you weren't here, Ellen. Well, I don't see why I should leave. Well, it's just that it would be a little awkward. I know. Tell her that I'm an old friend of the family. From, uh, from the south. Ellen, I don't like this. Look out. I'm Nicky. Aren't you going to carry me across the threshold? It's good luck. Oh, yeah, sure. Sure. What? Watch it now. Huh? Surprise. Yeah, sort of. He's a bridegroom. Not at all. Just one... Hello, Bianca. Uh, she's visiting with us. Her mother and I went to school together in Virginia. How nice. Oh, Nicky. He's neither sweet as thing, Mr. Arden. I used to just adore him. He's the downest boy you ever did see, but faithless. Just like a bumblebee going from fly to fly. No. Come from a fooling family. My great-grandfather Lucius was the first man to give the governor of North Carolina the hot foot. You all have been married before. Haven't you, honey? Oh, I know, of course not. Now, whatever gave me the idea, you was a winner. Not yet. Well, I'll mix a drink, shall I? You must be tired, son. You both look tired. That's what I've been thinking, but not daring to say. Oh, ain't I just terrible? Did you all drive all night long? Yes, we did. Oh, now ain't that just awful? No one here looked tired. Well, just to make yourself comfortable, we're going to have a nice dinner for you. And after dinner, Tilly and Chint are going to entertain you. If you don't mind, honey. Chint is going to play her latest piano piece on the piano, and Timmy is going to recite for you. Won't that be just great? Nick, my head's splitting. I'm going to bed. Oh, no. Check. I'm afraid I'll have to. Oh, yeah. I'll be up in a little while. I'll be waiting. Good night. Good night. Sleep well, honey. I guess you must be pretty tired. Hey, kids! Kids, quiet! Quiet! I'm afraid somebody's got a very bad headache, kids. We'll have to quit. Oh, gee. Oh, it's just getting started. It's time for bed anyway. What do you say? Okay. Night, Daddy. Night, Chinch. Bless you. Night, son. Night. Just when the party's getting good. Good night, kids. Night. Good night. Night. Well, I all for your old performance was mighty good, deceiving, Sister Island. I thought you'd like that. You've done a good job, Nick. You're a nice kid. Yeah. You're really wonderful. I'm glad you think so. Timmy's just like you. Obstinate, jealous. Nick, I'm waiting. Oh, in a minute. What were you saying? I was saying Timmy's just like you. Obstinate, jealous. But adorable. I feel sorry for the woman who marries him. Why? Because he's a heartbreaker. Just like you. Go on. I'm one of the most faithful husbands I've lived. With a wife in every room. Nick, I'm waiting. Oh, all right. All right. Are you going to tell her? Sure. Sure. Well, when? Right now. Of course, it's going to take tact and delicacy. Well... Well, she's waiting. Yeah. Well, here I go. Good night, Ellen. Good night. You used to kiss me good night. Did I? Yeah. Casanova, you. Just a moment. Mr. DeMille and our stars, Rosalind Russell, Laurence Olivier and Gale Patrick, will return for act two of my favorite wife. Right now, I've asked Lou Silvers to play a real old-time American tune. All right, Lou. Yes, years ago, Yankee Doodle went to town. Nowadays... Newquick Lux has gone to town. Women say it's handy. We stand west and up and down. Menions keep it handy. Yes, Newquick Lux Flakes have gone to town with the women of America. From Boston to New Orleans, from New York to San Francisco, it's the same story. Newquick Lux is America's favorite way of washing nice things by a vote of two to one. Twice as many women use Newquick Lux for stockings, underthings, sweaters, and nice dresses. Twice as many as use any other flakes, chips, or beads. In answer to a nationwide survey, American women clearly indicate where they stand. For nice things, it's Newquick Lux for them two to one. And here's why they choose Newquick Lux Flakes. First, because it's fast. In water as cool as your hand, Newquick Lux dissolves three times as fast as any of ten other leading soaps tested. And that means a lot to a busy woman. Second, because it's pure. There's no harmful alkali in Newquick Lux. It's safe for any color or fabric that's safe in pure water. Women know that they can trust their prettiest washables to these gentle sons. And third, Newquick Lux is thrifty. A little, though so far, makes more suds, ounce for ounce, even in hard water than any of the other soaps tested. Yes, it's really no wonder that... Newquick Lux has gone to town, women say it's dandy. East and West and up and down, millions keep with handy. Ask for Newquick Lux Flakes in the generous big package. It comes in the same familiar box, costs you no more. And now, our producer, Mr. DeMille. Act two of my favorite wife, starring Laurence Olivier as Nick Arden, Roslyn Russell as Ellen, and Gail Patrick as Bianca. Slowly and with fear in his heart, Nick climbs the stairs to Bianca's room to inform her that the wife he had declared dead has declared herself very much alive. Slowly and with a sinking feeling, he opens the door of the room to hear Bianca on the phone, talking long distance to her mother. And when we got home, he didn't even tell the children. Oh, mother, he just ignores me. What? I don't care what father did. I'm not going to stand in another minute, I'm going to leave him. Mother, I'll call you back. Nick? Nick, is that you? I didn't mean to disturb you, talking to your mother. I'm all through now. Oh, how is your mother? Your mother's quite nice once you get to know her. Nick, do you love me? Why, Bianca, you're one of the most attractive girls I know. I'm your wife. Bianca, don't cry. Bianca, please. I'm playing up to that southern snip, just as if I weren't there. In the name of heaven, tell me what's wrong with me. Bianca, there's nothing wrong with you. Believe me, under other circumstances, well, who knows? No, no, no, Bianca, please, stop crying. Bianca, please, let me explain. I'm waiting. Now, let me start from the beginning. Now, once there was a man who met the girl, he'd been living alone for quite some time, he told the girl he loved her. And in the natural course of events, he married said girl. Now, he... What are you trying to say? Just that. Bianca? What? Bianca... Listen, did you hear that? Doorbell, somebody at the door. You don't have to answer. Oh, yeah, I do. Somebody's trying to get in. Doorbell, right back. Come in, come in. What do you want, please? Mr. Arden. That's right. Well, I'm Johnson of the American Life and Accident Assurance. It will come right in, Mr. Johnson. Oh, thank you. I'm awfully sorry to be intruding in this out. Not at all, not at all. Sit down, Mr. Johnson. Glad you came. Oh, thank you. This will only take a minute. No, no, no. So, stay awhile. Have a seat, Mr. Johnson. Just as you say. Fine. Well, and what can I do for you, Mr. Johnson? Mr. Arden, have you received any communication from your first wife, Ellen Wagstaff Arden? Of course not. Just as I expected. You see, our district manager, Mr. Pucey, is one of those fuss-budgety types who likes to check everything. Of course, it's customary to check when the company has paid out a large sum of money, but this is ridiculous. What are you talking about? Well, he claims to have a report that a woman answering the general description of your first wife was rescued by a Portuguese freighter, as was also a man named Stephen J. Burkett, who was reported drowned at the same time. Would you mind saying that again? Oh, please, please. Don't get angry with me. This, uh, Stephen J. Burkett, he was rescued at the same time as my wife. Well, according to this unverified rumor, yes, rescued after seven years. It's ridiculous, isn't it? And what else did you, Mr. Pucey, hear? Well, not very much, really. It seems he talked to somebody who had talked to a Portuguese captain. He says the woman's name was Eve. Eve? It's lucky it wasn't Ellen. Oh, and by a curious coincidence, this Stephen Burkett called himself Adam. What? Yeah, yeah, of course. Well, you ought to be very grateful that the woman's name was Eve instead of Ellen, because aside from the money involved, can you imagine the pickle you'd be in? Yeah, just imagine. Well, and that settles it. Good night, Mr. Arden. Good night. Oh, and thank you again for permitting. How can you sleep at a time like this? I wasn't sleeping. Oh, dreaming about Adam, I suppose. Adam? Yeah, Adam. Adam. Why didn't you tell me you weren't alone on that island? Why didn't you tell me this man Burkett was with you? Well, we didn't arrange it, Nick. We didn't want to be there. Those awful mosquitoes. Never mind the mosquitoes. Why didn't you tell me about him? Because I knew you'd carry on exactly the way you're carrying on now. That's no excuse. I wanted to pick the right time to tell you. There never will be a right time for that. Really? You know, it just occurs to me that I ought to feel insulted. Huh? I go through seven years of agony. To find my husband in the arms of another woman married. My children don't know me. But all my husband can think about is, did I carry on with some poor man who wouldn't hurt a fly? Oh, no, just a moment. You just a moment. Did you tell her? Huh? Huh? Did you tell Bianca? Well... No. Well, I was about to tell her when Mr. Johnson came. How long does it take to tell a woman my wife's come back? I can say it in two seconds. You've had two days. Oh, Nick, you don't want to tell her. That's why you're picking on poor Adam. Any excuse will do. Well, you can't blame me after hearing about Brickett from that man. You don't trust me. I thought you'd be so proud of me, loving you, thinking of you every day for seven years. Well, where is he now? Who? You know who I'm talking about, Adam. Where is he? Oh, Adam, jealous of poor Adam. Gentle, harmless. He lives at his club. What club? What's the name of him? How should I know? But he's a clean, living upright, 100% American, and a gentleman. How old, a gentleman? High-Eyer. I never asked him. Too personal, eh? Well, he's slightly bald, if that helps. About five foot three. Scrony, huh? Like a chicken. You'll notice that. Well, after all, darling, is there anything else you want to know? Yeah. When do I meet him? When do you tell Bianca? Good night, Nick. Good night. Adam, Nick. Nick, Nick, stop. Sorry, Bianca, I'm in a hurry, Bianca. Where are you going now? I'm going out to find Adam. What do you mean you never heard of him? Stephen J. Burkett. Sorry, sir, there is no Mr. Burkett at this club. I want to speak to Mr. Stephen J. Burkett. Sorry, sir, we have no record of that name. Burkett? No, sir, not here. I told you once before, sir. No, Burkett? Burkett? Yes, sir. We have a Stephen J. Burkett at the Pacific Club. Yes, he's here now. Yes, sir. Can I help you, sir? Yeah. Look, I just called up about a Mr. Stephen J. Burkett. I'd like to see him. Yes, sir, shall I have him paged? No, just point him out. Certainly, sir. Boy, take this gentleman outside of the swimming pool. Point out Mr. Burkett to him. Oh, yes, sir. This way, sir. Thank you. He ought to be around here, sir. He usually has his lunch served at the pool. Yeah? Well, wait a minute. I think I see him. That little bald fellow over there, huh? Where? Oh, no, sir. That's not Mr. Burkett. Oh, there he is up there. Up where? Up there on the high dive. The high dive? You mean that fellow? That big fellow? Yes, sir. That's Mr. Burkett. It is. You tell me, he used to be a champion swimmer, sir. Champion, eh? Well, he ought to be with those shoulders. Yeah. Yeah. There he goes. Gee, nice dive, wasn't it, sir? Well, will there be anything else, sir? Yeah. I want to reserve a table for lunch tomorrow, a table for two, right next to Mr. Burkett's. May I form a down? Yes, thank you. And the martini here? That's right. Oh, Nick, what a grand place for lunch. I guess you thought you owed me something after all those awful suspicions. I'm sorry, Ellen. I tell you, let's drink to no more suspicions. No more suspicions. If married people can't be honest with each other, who can? After all. Exactly. What are you staring at, darling? Oh. What are you staring at, darling? Nothing. I thought maybe you were watching that fellow dive. What fellow? That fellow swimming over this way. Eve! Hey, Eve! Oh, dear. Hello, Eve. I thought I saw you down here. Oh. Boy, bring in my robe, will you please? Yes, sir. Well, I'm delighted to see you, Eve. Oh. Well, won't you present me? Well. My name's Arden. I didn't catch yours. Brickett's the name. Why hasn't Eve told you that we were... Brackett? Did you say Brackett? I said Brackett. That's funny. I thought Brackett was bald. Well, Mr. Brackett, why don't you have lunch with us? Delighted. The inner man is crying for nourishment. We've ordered turkey a la king. Does turkey appeal to you, or do you confine yourself to raw meat? Never touch it. I'm strictly a vegetarian. Waiter, bring me a glass of prune juice, a milkshake, and some raw carrots. Yes, sir. Ah, well, Eve, how goes it? Mr. Birkett, I'd better tell you, my husband hasn't slept since he heard you were on the island with me. He's arranged this meeting to trap us into a confession. Just a moment. He's a very clever lawyer, so beware. I'm going to be very foxy myself. Well, I've got nothing to hide. I know, but he has. You see, Nick's married again. No. Yes. Why? That's wonderful. Congratulations, old man. Oh, that's the best news I've ever had. Why? What is it to you? Well, can't you see? It simplifies everything. You see, I'd like to marry you. Oh, you would, would you? Yes. I've known your wife for seven years, and no man could ask for a better companion, a truer friend, or a more charming playmate. I've admired her tremendously, but all she'd talk about was you. Well, now that you're married again, maybe she'll listen to me. Eve. Eve, will you marry me? That's sweet of you, Adam. Not just a minute, just a minute. Well, I don't see why you should get upset. You're not allowed to have two wives, you know. I know, I know. But what's your answer, Eve? Will you? Let her alone. What's your hurry? Your, your carrots aren't here yet? Let me ask you this. How long were you married to Ellen, uh, before the island? Four years. Why? Well, I was with her for seven. So I claim her on the basis of seniority. Yeah, I've got you there. You've got me. You've got nothing but a lot of... Your gentleman will excuse me. I think maybe you could thrash this thing out better without me. Oh, don't get up. It might surprise you to know that I can get along very well without either of you. I am perfectly able to take care of myself. Ellen, look out the pool! Ellen! Get away, Helen. I'll save you. We've been married since last Wednesday, and I've hardly seen him, Doctor. It's not at all unusual, Mrs. Ellen. Really, Doctor? Oh, there are hundreds of such cases. Here he comes now. Nick, Nick, where have you been? Oh, hello. Excuse me, Billy. I've got to get some dry clothes. Oh, Nick, your clothes are dry. Huh? Oh, they're not for me. It's, it's a friend of mine, a fellow in a swimming pool. Wait, Nick. This is Dr. Coma. He's going to help us. It's all right. He knows. He knows what? It's not at all unusual, Nick. There are hundreds of such cases. Oh, well, it's been a pleasure, Doctor. But if you'll just excuse me, I've got to get some dry clothes. See you later. You see, Doctor, he just doesn't make sense. Hmm. Sometimes I think I'm going mad. It's dark, staring mad. Now, now, not at all unusual. The mood and pose is characteristic of the frustrated individual. If I may make a suggestion. Yes, Doctor. Just rest. I'll talk to your husband. Quietly. Casually. Oh, please do. I don't care what you do, but please do something. There they are now. Don't worry. He's going out again. Nick, Nicky. So long. I've got to get right back. Stoking wet. Where are you going? And what are all those clothes? Were they woman's clothes, Nicky? They're my clothes. Yeah, I know. I know. Listen, I just told you a friend of mine. Now, Mr. Arden, just be calm. Your friend can wait. Nick, if you'll talk to Dr. Coma just for a few minutes. What do you want? What do you both want? Well, I don't need a doctor either. Listen, I might as well tell you right now. Tell me what, dear? I'm married. Of course you are, dear. No. Look, my wife's not dead. She didn't drown. She fell in a pool. I was getting her some clothes and there's a fellow, a big fellow. He wasn't on island with her and now they're at the Pacific Club and I've got to go there. I understand, dear. No, no. You don't understand. Now, listen carefully. You're only trying to help you, dear. Don't you want to lie down? Well, I don't want to lie down. I don't need a doctor either. Listen carefully. She was at the hotel when we arrived from our honeymoon and that's why, that's why I was so upset, so, so distant. And oh my goodness. Isn't it clear to you? Do I have to draw you a diagram? You need a long rest, darling. Doesn't need a doctor. Yes. A long rest. Listen, what's the matter with you two? Philip's the door. I think you're both crazy. That's what's the trouble. Mr. Arden here. I'll explain it once more. Excuse me. You're Mr. Nicholas Arden? Not now. Now look. My wife, the mother of my children, Mr. Arden. What is this? What do you want? Mr. Arden, I'm from police headquarters. Got a warrant for your arrest. A arrest? You can't arrest me. What's the charge? Bigamy. Huh? Bigamy. You mind coming with us, Mr. Arden? Bigamy. I'm arrested. Oh, Nick. Now do you believe me? And so ends act two of my favorite wife, starring Laurence Olivier, Rosalind Russell and Gail Patrick. Before Mr. DeMille brings us act three, let's see what the Browning family is up to. Tonight, Midge and Dot are having dinner with their good friend and neighbor, Jeannie Hammond. They're just finishing now. That upside down cake was marvelous, Mrs. Hammond. Do you suppose you could give mother the recipe so we could have it all the time? I'm so glad you like it, Midge. Now you get my recipe file, Jeannie, so Midge and Dot can copy it off while you and I do the dishes. Oh, Mom, do I have to do the dishes even when we have company? Oh, we'll help Mrs. Hammond. Dot and I always do the dishes at home. I'll wash if you like. No, Dot, I want to wash. Please see Mrs. Hammond. Dot and I always take turns washing and drying when we're home because, well, we both think washing is more fun. Imagine anyone thinking it's fun to wash dishes and get red, rough hands. I hope Midge and I use Lux Flakes so our hands stay nice. See? Your hands do look lots nicer than mine. They certainly do, girls. Jeannie and I have been using our regular wash day soap for dishes, but it is hard on hands. Maybe we better change to Lux Flakes. How about it, Jeannie? You know, that's what a great many women are doing nowadays, changing from wash day soaps to gentle, new, quick Lux for their dishes. And no wonder, because they've been reading about the hundreds of dramatic one-hand tests that have been made. These tests of five leading soaps were made under conditions similar to home dish washing. For 20 minutes, three times a day, each woman, and there were hundreds and all, dipped one hand in a dish pan of Lux suds, the other hand in suds from another soap. After weeks of doing this, the Lux hands were still soft, smooth, and attractive. The others, red, rough, and coarse looking. While the difference was amazing. Now, why not make your own dish pan test? If you've been using a harsh soap for dishes, change to gentle, new, quick Lux Flakes tomorrow. It's fast, it's thrifty, and so kind to your hands. We pause now for station identification. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System. The curtain rises on the third act of my favorite wife, Bigamy. The act of marrying one person when already legally married to another is a second definition too. Bigamy. An excruciating headache for all parties concerned. In a court of law, the parties concerned now seek relief before the same judge who declared Ellen dead. Well, it's easily understandable. Your Honor, please, as I was only stating it. Quiet! What are you doing here in the first place, Mr. Arden? Bigamy's a criminal offense. Yes, I know, Your Honor, but I'm out on bail. I don't care anything about the bail. This is a civil court. What kind of a lawyer are you? Where did you go to school? Harvard. Harvard? Mm-hmm. I'm a Yale man, myself. You're the bride? Yes, Your Honor. Kiss-less? Yes, Your Honor. Harvard. I see nothing wrong with my decision, Mr. Arden. You've presented your brief. The evidence is all here. Yes, all here, teething, so forth. What do you want me to do? Reverse myself? Your Honor, please, I have a president for this case. I cite the case of Mulligan versus Mulligan Benson in the city of Fresno in 1879. Your Honor, how long do I have to stay here and listen to this verb? Just a moment, Bianca. Go on, Nick. Tell us what happened in the Mulligan versus Mulligan Benson, whatever it was. Well, Mrs. Mulligan returned after an absence of considerable length to find that Mr. Mulligan, her husband, had remarried. Now, Mrs. Mulligan Benson, or rather Mrs. Benson Mulligan, the second wife, It was sort of a Mulligan stew. Now, that'll cost you $25. Oh, Your Honor. You heard me, $25. But you can't do that, Your Honor. I'm legally dead. Do you think it's nice to take money off a corpse? That'll cost you $25 more. That's 50 only. Clerk, you keeping track of this? Oh, yes. See that you do. But she is legally dead, Your Honor. You declared her legally dead in this very courtroom. Your decision is on file. Clerk, did I do that? Yes, yes, you did, Your Honor. I did? Uh-huh. Well, I'm going to declare her legally alive. And she can pay me that $50. Does someone swear she's a live woman? Sure, I will. You'll swear she's a live woman. I'll say she is. You shut up. Your Honor, you can do this. If she's legally alive, I'm guilty of bigamy. Clerk, can you make anything out of this case? Your Honor, it's all there. I know it's there. I know. I know. The brief. What's the matter with you, young man? Mulligan stew. Boy, that was a good one. Who are you? Well, you see, Your Honor, I'm... He was on the island with her, Your Honor. He's not important to this case. I'll decide what's important to the case. What island? The island where my wife stayed for seven years, Your Honor. They were on an island together for seven years? Yes, Your Honor. Not alone? Yeah. Hmm. Same island? Yeah. Is that in the brief? No, Your Honor. Oh, that should be in the brief. If Your Honor pleases, it's not important to this case. I'd like to get out of here before I explode. I want to go home myself. I'd like to tell my wife about this case. She thinks all my cases are dull. Well, it seems to me the only thing I can do is a no the second marriage so you can marry your first wife. I don't know what you're going to do about that other fellow, though. All right. I haven't had time to think that out, Your Honor. Your Honor, I just want to tell you one... Now, now, keep calm. Oh, Ellen, come outside. If you'd only come to me and told me... Bianca, I did come to you and tell you... You didn't say I... I wanted to speak to you alone so your husband hasn't had time to think it over, and... Poor Nick. Sit down, Ellen. Ellen, I'm the kind of a man who finishes what he starts. I'm going back to that island and I want you to come with me. Back to the island? What do you say? Thanks, Steve, but... I haven't waited seven years just to give up in three days. Oh, I think you're just being loyal but I respect you for it. Steve... Yeah? Will you do something for me? Anything. I know I shouldn't ask you, but... What is it? I've got to get him back. Will you help me? How? Come back into the courtroom and just repeat that invitation in front of Nick about going back to the island. All right. Why not? Come on. One other thing. I've taken all I can stand from this worm and I won't take any more. Bianca, I feel terrible about it. This hurts me more than it does you. Yes, well, so will this. Ow! My nose! It's bleeding. Order! Order! Quiet or I'll clear the court. Young lady, I'll have no violence in my courtroom. That action will cost you exactly... I know $25 and it was worth it. And as for you, Mr. Nicholas Arden, as far as I'm concerned, you illegally did. Order! Order! Well, Eve, I guess I'm not needed here. See you at the board at nine o'clock. All right, Adam. What board is this? You see, Your Honor, we're not interested in civilization. If this is civilization. When a man finds his mate, he knows he doesn't have to think it out. And there's an island that can be paradise. Goodbye, Eve. Till tomorrow. Goodbye, Adam. Come back here. And it's all right with me if you bring the kitties. Kitties? Well, in all my experience on the bench, I have never... I'll have to study the brief and I'll render my decision. Yes, Your Honor. Quiet! I don't care what happens or what your decision is, I'm going to get a divorce. Quiet! Or it's a journal ten o'clock tomorrow. Harvard Man. And then come back here. If you think you can take those kids to a fever-ridden pest-hole with that idiot, you're making a big mistake. Well, what's your offer? Well, I... I thought... I thought you could go up to the mountain house for a while with the kids until the gossip dies down. Oh, you did? Yeah. And what are you going to do? Well, I... I thought I might go off on one of those 60-day cruises where I could think this thing out calmly, rationally. Oh. And when you come back, you might forgive me for not drowning. Is that it? Oh, no, it isn't. Well, I'll think about it, too. Calmly and rationally. Only it won't take me 60 days. I can do it in six minutes. Oh, now I'll... I'll take the children to the mountain house tonight. I'll drive you there. No. Nicholas, that's sweet of you. But aren't you afraid of the gossip? Be careful, children. It's dark in the house. We'll be careful. Well, come on, Dad. Aren't you coming in? No, Timmy. Your father's going to drive right back. Oh. Are you going on another vacation, Dad? That's right. Going to Yosemite again? No! You don't have to get sore. I just asked you a question. Well, thanks very much, Nick. Oh, that's all right. Goodbye. Goodbye. It's gonna be pretty dark going down the mountains on those half-interns. Oh, but you're such a good driver. No, I am not worried about it. I don't think there's much fog. There isn't any fog. Goodbye. Goodbye. Oh, Ellen, I forgot. Look, when are you going to tell the children that you're their mother? I don't know. It may be a little difficult. I don't know how they'll take it from me. Well, would it help if I wrote them a letter? Well, that would be nice, yes. Inclosed, please find your mother. No. No, this is my problem. I'll see how I get along with him. If my time comes, I'll know it. And if it doesn't, I'll know that too. Goodbye. Goodbye. If she's our mother, then what's daddy? Our father. Are you sure? Sure. What else could he be? I don't know. Nobody ever tells me anything. What are you two little monkeys talking about? Oh, nothing. Nothing, nothing at all. Oh, I love this place. I used to come up here all the time. With our mother? Uh-huh. And your daddy? We used to have a lot of fun. The three of you? Well, uh-huh. By the way, was our mother good looking? Well, most people thought she was... Well, some people thought... Oh, I don't know really. Well, I just thought I'd ask. You see, we don't know very much about her. Listen, suppose your mother didn't drown. Suppose she came back. You mean like a miracle? Yes. Suppose she were right here in this... What would you... Look here. You know, don't you? Sure. Well... How do you do, mother? How do you do? How do you do? Well, don't you think it's... It's about time somebody started kissing somebody? Okay, okay, mother. Oh, you darling. You adorable sweet... Hello. Nick. I had a flat. Hello, dad. I was going along and... Come on, children, uh, upstairs. Why? You've got to mind me now, you know. Oh, yeah, I forgot. Why don't you stay for dinner, dad? Yeah, then we can all try out mother's cooking. Oh, you told him, huh? Uh-huh. Oh, that's great. You know, I was wondering... What about the spare tires? Huh? Oh, no air in them. Do you want to phone the garage? Uh, can't. The wires are down. They've been a landslide. The road's blocked. Probably won't be able to use the phone till morning. It's fixed. Hello. Oh, hey, Walt. There was a call from Judge Bryson's office. They said that Nicky's annulment is being eagerly alive, and you owe him $50. I see. So you and Nick are husband and wife again, and you can... Oh, that's fine. Goodbye. Goodbye, dear. Who was that? They just phoned to say the road is open. Oh, well, it's no use. I'm out of gas. You seem to be out of everything but ideas. May I stay? Yes. You can stay for dinner. Oh, thanks. I always sleep well up here. Let's see. I wonder where the children have their room, and our room becomes my room. It looks like you draw the attic. Attic? It's perfect for thinking things out. You sleep? Yes. What do you want? What time is it? One o'clock. Well, what's the matter? Well, I just wanted to tell you you were right about the attic. It's perfect for thinking. No good for sleeping. Mattress is lumpy. Oh, well, why don't you take that one over there? That bed over there? That mattress. Take it upstairs with you. Oh, thanks. Very nice of you. I'm sorry to have disturbed you. Are you comfortable? Very. You look beautiful. Thank you. Look, Helen, what's the use? You know how I feel. I can go on thinking about it till doomsday. I'm stuck. I don't care what happened. I don't care what people say. I was always mad about you, and I always will be. Does that help any? Yes. But I still think you'd better go on your cruise. Well, I'm not going. I'm not going to stay away from you for 60 days. Oh, no. That's not so long. This is the last of October, November, December. It'll be just about Christmas time. Christmas time? Yes. You come back and talk to me about it then. We'll have a lovely Christmas. After all, what's 59 days more? I think you're being very unreasonable. And furthermore, I won't trouble you anymore tonight. Good night. Christmas. This is October. It's Christmas, I tell you. Santa Claus is here. I just saw him coming down out of the attic. Santa Claus? With the long-lined beard and red pants and everything. Santa Claus in October. Say, one's Thanksgiving this year. It's here again. That merry time. That happy time. Oh, Nick, you fool. Come over here. Merry Christmas. Oh, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas, darling. The curtain falls on Act 3 of My Favorite Wife. Before Mr. DeMille returns with our stars, Sally has a new version of an old, old story to tell you. It's called Goldilocks and the Three Pairs. The Three Pairs of Stockings. Since upon a time, there was a lovely blonde named Goldilocks. She worked in a great big office in the city. There was a very nice man who worked in the same office. And one day he asked Goldilocks to go out to dinner with him. Well, she was very excited. But when she jumped up to put on her hat and coat, pop went a run in her stocking. That made her just boiling mad. Because a girl just can't go out on a date with a new man when she has a run in her stocking. There wasn't anything to do but scamper home quick as a flash and put on another pair. So she did. But my goodness, when she leaned over to fasten her shoe, pop went a run in the second pair of stockings. Now that was the very last pair of stockings Goldilocks had. I don't know what she would have done, but fortunately her roommate came home that very minute. Now what'll I do? Why Goldilocks, whatever's the matter? Oh, it's my stockings. Runs, runs, runs. No wonder you get runs the way you rub that cake soap on your stockings instead of loxing them. I suppose you want to borrow a pair of mine. Oh, Angel, if you'll only lend me a pair of... I'll... You what? I'll always use luxe planks and my stockings will live happily ever after the way yours do. And that's where the moral of the story comes in. Because new quick luxe really does cut down on stocking runs. When you luxe your stockings, they keep their natural elasticity. So when you stoop down or run upstairs or put any kind of strain on the delicate threads, they stretch and then spring back into shape without popping into run so often. Give your stockings this thrifty luxe planks care and you'll find they wear much longer. Now, Mr. DeMille is bringing our stars to the microphone. We've had a brilliant evening in the Lux Radio Theatre and here are the three stars who made it brilliant. Rosalind Russell, Laurent Olivier, and Gail Patrick. Thank you, Mr. DeMille. That play gave us quite a workout. Let's hope the audience had as much fun out of it as we did. Doesn't Larry make a wonderful Santa Claus, Mr. DeMille? Ideal, Rosalind. A credit to the profession. Some department store is going to get a hold of him and we won't find him until after Christmas. He's a little thin, perhaps, but... Oh, that's easy to fix. I always use a pillow. Now remember that, at any rate, Rosalind and I have solved that no-time-for-comedy puzzle at last. What puzzle is that? Well, you see, Larry did the play no-time-for-comedy on the stage with Catherine Cornell. Then Rosalind made the picture with Jimmy Stewart, but tonight... But tonight, you both found time for comedy and are playing my favorite rifle. Yes, at last. But what about next Monday night, Mr. DeMille? Yes, who's going to be here? Next Monday night, Gail, we go places with Ginger Rogers, Edward Arnold, John Howard, and Joan Perry. And our play is the popular RKO screen success Fifth Avenue Girl. It's the story of a typical American girl whose good sense and good sense of humor keep a family from falling apart. There's romance for her and entertainment for us. So I hope you all make a date next Monday night with our Fifth Avenue Girl starring Ginger Rogers, Edward Arnold, John Howard, and Joan Perry. Anybody who saw the picture won't want to miss it, Mr. DeMille. It's a grand play. Good night. Good night. Good night. Good night. And four stars to the three audience. Our sponsors, the makers of Lux Flakes, joined me in inviting you to be with us again next Monday night when the Lux Radio Theatre presents Ginger Rogers, Edward Arnold, John Howard, and Joan Perry in Fifth Avenue Girl. This success will be DeMille saying good night to you, from Hollywood. Herd in tonight's play were Arthur Q. Bryan as Judge, Warren Ashe as Birket, Werner Felton as Ma, Dix Davis as Timmy, Mary Lou Herrington as Chinch, Lou Merrill as Hotel Clerk, Charles Seal as Court Clerk, Hal K. Dawson as Johnson, Fredin N. Munier as Doctor, Bud McAllister as Page Boy, Edwin Max as Truck Driver, and Ralph Sedan as Desk Clerk. The original story and screenplay of My Favorite Wife was written by Samuel and Belis B. Wack. Rosalind Russell appeared tonight through the courtesy of Metro Golden Mayor and will soon be seen in the Columbia picture This Thing Called Love. Laurence Olivier's forthcoming picture is Lord Nelson and Lady Hamilton and Alexander Corder production. Gail Patrick will be seen in the MGM picture Fighting Suns. Our music is directed by Louis Silvers. Our Lux Radio Theatre production My Life has come to you with the good wishes of the makers of New Creek Lux Flakes. The tissue thin soap flakes used by smart housewives everywhere and by the great motion picture studios here in Hollywood to protect the million dollar wardrobes you see on the screen. This is your announcer, Melville Roy, bidding you goodnight on behalf of our cast and the Lux Radio Theatre. This is the Columbia Broadcasting System.