 So for the last few weeks, I've been contemplating the idea of timing because I hear people often times talk about Timing when it comes to relationships and when I think of timing I kind of think about luck and if you've ever heard the term luck is when Opportunity preparation meets opportunity and I think it's the same for relationships, too What do you think about that sweetheart? Absolutely. What do you have to say about? I mean is everything you don't know what's going on in people's lives and You may think oh my gosh, this is the perfect guy But then if something is happening in his life that prevents him from even contemplating Anything serious then the timing is off. It's not going to happen So timing is really a coming back to the idea if luck is preparation meets opportunity I think of preparation as being in a really good place in your life Prepared to actually take on a relationship Absolutely, but people go through through things and they may be prepared and they think everything is great and then you know suddenly They have something happen in their life like even when you and I didn't meet Yeah, we didn't meet because you had some stuff going on in your life and you just weren't ready But you were ready. It's just not at that moment. Okay, so now let's differentiate between situational things going on in someone's life versus kind of a Perpetual thing going on in someone's life for example if someone is going through a divorce and it's a contentious divorce and You know, there's still the papers haven't been signed and whatnot. That's going to be a prolonged situation Then a more temporary situation Yeah, I agree with that. Yeah, so timing is first really when it comes to men in particular is Are they prepared to be in a fully committed relationship? Are they prepared? I think in addition you have to want a fully committed relationship Yes And there are a lot of men out there that think That by telling women what they think the woman wants to hear makes them look like they're prepared when really they're not So you have to watch out for those things as well Okay, but when I got my divorce, you know, and I was out there dating and I said I want a relationship I want a relationship. I want a relationship and then the minute I got close to someone. I'm like, I'm not ready for a relationship I don't feel like I was being disingenuous to the people I was dating. It was just more Kind of lying to myself not lying to them. I was lying to myself Well, look, we've been I've been through a divorce as well You don't know what you want when you get out of the divorce. You don't know you you know what you don't want yes, that doesn't help you it really doesn't help you because Everybody's putting on a great face. So what you don't want may still be there Well, that's actually one of the fundamental things I teach in my private coaching because so many women and I say that you've heard me On the phone. I always say women come to me going. I know what I want I know what I want. I know what I want and they go through this proprietary coaching program I've created and what amazes me. Can you guess what they say almost every single time? I Didn't know what I wanted They say that they go Why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I dated or married the wrong guy? By the way, if you want some help with that right there There's a link to schedule a free discovery call with me to see if working with the coaches right for you because I It's funny. You said something earlier, which is so true We oftentimes focus on what we don't want, but if you're focused on what you don't want What's the law of attraction say that's what you're gonna? Manifest you're gonna keep getting more of what you don't want So it's so if you're saying oh online dating sucks and men suck. What are you gonna get? Yeah, sucky man on Yeah, versus if you say it's raining great men. It's raining great men at least that mindset Allows to attract more for lack of better word will call quality people in your life or I'd rather let me reach Retract the word quality people more aligned to who you are and what you want. Correct. Okay, so we said that preparedness being ready is about Wanting a relationship and being in a good space to be in a relationship and again There are temporary things that can cause a person to be out of sorts like for example when we were connecting It was just I was having a bad experience plus the time of just meeting you was gonna be off So that didn't work out But ultimately when we did finally meet and for those that are not familiar with us We were in a long-distance relationship when we did finally meet it was I felt like right then and there the timing was right Well the timing was right because it was also a time when I was ready to make a move and I was ready to Go somewhere Somewhere else in California was one of you know number one and number two were California in Florida because being in Chicago Why would I want to go to a cold place? But all right, so what about some of your past experiences and timing? How did that play out for you? Well, the timing was wrong for me. I needed to do a lot of work on myself. So the timing was wrong for me and But you were dating Yeah, I was I Hate to say it this way, but dating became more of like to fill my time entertainment The dating apps, you know, the dating apps were really entertaining Sometimes that could be true. That could be true, but could be an addiction Yeah, to some people is they can't eat they're in relationships and they're still swiping just to see what's out there But you know, that's a whole other so you said in some ways dating was to fill space and just as a distraction Well, it's so true for men as well We oftentimes we're in we don't really know what we want and we're not necessarily in a good place in our life People now I think use dating as a distraction Yeah, I think you know One of the things about Jonathan's coaching is that he does a lot of research on all this stuff But there are a lot of women And I'm gonna include myself in this because you know, I I didn't know how to date I didn't so the dating apps were sign up that were a crash course in Dating which is not, you know the best way to do it But that was the only thing that I had at the time. Yeah, so I would have benefited from a Some coaching because I didn't I didn't know I didn't want to coach you I wanted to fall in love with you So, okay, so so here's the way I view Relationship readiness and this relates to timing. So first and foremost You're in a good place in your life. In other words, you've maybe Healed past traumas. You're in good physical condition in your life You're in a good structural place of your life and what I mean by structural I mean by paying your bills and that sort of thing. I call that's part one of relationship readiness Would you agree I would agree. Okay number two is having clarity on Who's really a good fit for you because if you're dating without Understanding of who's really a good fit for you. You might say yes to dates and you know You can go through the process of getting to know each only to find out you're completely misaligned. So get clarity on that You agree. I agree. Okay third component is Being attractive to the opposite sex, I mean being you know be putting yourself in a space of being attractive I can tell you as a man and you're gonna share what you your experience as a woman I can tell you so many women's like for example online dating profiles were absolute crap I mean the effort they put in your profile was fantastic But the the quality of the photographs the representation of themselves even the essay They wrote was really so blah that you'd swipe. I mean if it was swiping on a dating profile You'd be swiping left all day long and I'm assuming the same thing happened for you with men Yeah, men don't know how to write good No And you know sometimes you could just read into the profiles and know you know this guy's a player He's just looking at numbers trying to get as many women as they want as they can get Yeah, so okay, so being and also I think people have really weak flirting skills What are your thoughts on that? Hmm, I never thought about that. Well, you're a great flirt. So You just bat your eyes, you know, no, but I really do believe well, what about the men? I mean, did you seem did you meet men with flirting skills or game? Okay, so so there are the the ones that have game are the ones that are Very good looking and they think because of your their looks They are You should like that. Okay, and and then there are the ones that they were just like They were nice guys, but Kind of blah like no there There's all kinds of people out there And so you have to be really clear on what it is that you're looking for so in the beginning So you and I talked to these guys on the phone. So I knew they were blah Why did I go out with them as you were filling time? Which a lot of people do yeah, and it was and I was in between going on vacation and so so but going back to flirting I think that's I Notice for myself and I hear this I hear this from men who go out on dates with women and women go on dates with men Oh the to create a spark you have to learn how to make that happen if you don't know how to create Attraction and have the skills to actually get someone attracted to you It's going to be more challenging to create that spark that ignites the relationship well, you know, I Like the spark is for me the spark was either there or it wasn't but if you get a guy that just answers one word Answers when you ask him a question Well, no, I think you're saying coffee fast enough We don't want to be clear Attraction was there or not But the spark is something that happens that gets ignited through the personality I believe right because I've had many a man that you thought wow You know a great guy and then they sit there and you're like, well, what do you do? I'm gonna count. Oh Okay Why did you become an accountant? I'm good with numbers and you know, it's like trying to See if they have anything else you're pulling teeth to get them to talk Okay, so the fourth piece of relationship readiness that relates to timing I Think is actually centered around how to maintain and actually make a relationship Thrive making it mean so what I mean to say is a relationship is a separate entity if people don't know how To actually make a relationship work because we've been indoctrinated in the belief that chemistry equals Relationship success and all you need is chemistry and then you need no other skills after that although everybody talks about communication but if Talking isn't communication good listening skills as part of communication active listening as part of communication Conflict resolution skills as part of communication and these are all skills to help maintain a relationship But more importantly make it thrive. So part of timing remember when I said preparation is Knowing how to make a relationship work and most humans are rather oblivious to this I know I was when I got married What about you? Well, yeah, we won't even talk about when I got married But I do believe that when when the timing is right and the person is right for you things flow Things just flow. Yeah, and Yeah, you you need to have those skills to to be able to communicate back and forth but but sometimes it's just This unexplainable thing that you're able to speak to this person and you feel like gosh, this is comfortable It's very comfortable. So but I'm sure you've had experiences where there was chemistry and at first it felt comfortable But it fizzled out or it didn't work out. So it's not always a Parent right on the first date Correct. Okay. It's it's not because people are nervous especially, you know men that I Met a lot of men that were very Alpha, but yet when you put them one-on-one They they got really nervous really. Yeah, okay You know big football player guy, and then you know, he gets really nervous But you know, it was charismatic and like, you know, let's do try doing this again And it's just but the spark wasn't there for me, you know And so so I gave them a chance. Okay, yeah, but ultimately when we talk about timing It's really you're in a good place in your life You really you want a fully committed relationship or you want a partnership with someone you have created an attractive Presentation of yourself, you know how to flirt You know how to communicate well to create that spark Ultimately the last piece as I said before is do you have the capacity to make it? Maintain it but more importantly make it thrive and that's some of the things I teach in my coaching at some of the reasons Why I recommend book after book after book after book on my videos One thing that you haven't mentioned is it's got to be fun. Oh, yeah Fun. Yeah, so many people get into relationships. It's like, oh, it was a little dull and I was like Why are you in that you should be able to have fun together? Well more important and I totally agree with that and I want to add to that to what we feel is you want to be Really comfortable spending time with someone in sometimes just doing absolutely nothing and enjoying The mundane and I and I say this because you hear like the quintessence. We do that a lot Yeah, we're boring people sometimes but we actually enjoy the mundane We actually like the mundane. Yeah, that's why we take trips So anyway before I jump into Q&A I want to share something with everyone because I think I want to share three reasons why I believe men are less likely to commit and Why I think it's important to get this understanding is because I This is gonna be from the man's point of view towards a woman Okay, let me just say this the opposite of what I'm about to share can be said true for women and men But I want to bring this up because this came up in one of my conversations today And I think it's important to address this so number one is When you are putting yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people I think it's incredibly important to create the best Representation of yourself the best representation Can you expand it? Yes? And if you if you're not a good writer, you know, read somebody else's profiles or get some help with somebody There's a lot of places that will help you with those type of things Yeah, there's services like me sereno and others that will actually create a profile now We're talking about the online dating realm But when I'm talking about the best presentation of yourself whether it's the photographs you create It's also What you present out in the world, you know, right? Okay, let me give you an example You know when we travel you didn't like the fact that I'd wear a ratty t-shirts, you know on a plane You would like you you preferred someone that has a little bit more style Yes, that occurs that I don't mean to throw you under the bus So I began wearing button-down shirts when we travel doesn't he look better Like tell me he doesn't look better wearing shirts. I Get it and I actually like that feeling of looking better. So my point is It's also it's interesting people look at you a little bit differently like when I get on a plane now I'm wearing a sport coat. I can just tell people are looking at me differently And I it's absolutely true for women as well a man will notice a woman who's put a good presentation of herself Well in the online dating world Men lie about their heights and women lie about their body type, you know And at the end of the day it it's about putting an accurate presentation of yourself Because nothing is worse than meeting someone and then being disappointed when you physically meet them Yeah, I think a lot of us have been through that Even though you didn't like my I didn't look my Photoshop pictures Well because he wasn't wearing a sport coat in his pictures and I Don't know if we've talked about this before like on Profiles and I think men and women like do this They'll go through somebody's profile and they'll pick the picture. They like the best and they're like this is what he looks like This is a this is the guy that's going to show up and you know, he wasn't dressed You know, he was dressed okay, but I expected the guy in the sport coat because that's the guy that I liked So again, this is about putting the best presentation of yourself whether it's online in Person and a lot of times and women will get dressed up for a date But I do believe that one of the reasons why so many women don't get approached is right off the bat They don't put a good presentation of themselves Number two and this what I'm about to share is true for men and women alike They have significant Unhealed traumas and wounds both in childhood and an adult life that causes them them to be a little less desirable in the dating marketplace and let me just expand upon this for a second The fact is the older we get the more traumas we can have and I'm the biggest trauma ball for us in midlife is Going through a divorce that is can be a significant emotional trauma and for many people I'm gonna have to fix that in a second for many people It causes them to be less attractive to the opposite sex because they're holding on to a lot of negativity Well, like you said in one of our other videos is yeah, we would go meet somebody It's like like every guy they dated is right behind every guy every disappointment standing right behind them and So it's really important to actually do the personal development self-help and spiritual work to actually be Prepared to be in a healthy happy relationship I'm gonna plug my book for a quick second, but most of you know I have a book I've written called what the heck is self love anyway a journey of personal development self-help and spiritual work By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book. Why this isn't a dating book This is a book about being your best self Because the more work we do on ourselves and the better prepared we are to be in a relationship Then we can attract a good relationship in our life, but more importantly we can keep a good relationship in our lives Yeah, you know going back to presenting the bet your best self It doesn't mean that you have to be the most beautiful woman, but just making yourself Look good and approachable and everybody has a nice smile or nice eyes and stuff And you meet somebody that that then sees that in you And you know that it's a great feeling when you're present yourself a certain way and they see you they see how you The what you did to present that way. Do you remember watching that? I was gonna say something remember we're watching the Friends episode where Chandler couldn't smile. Oh, yeah, okay But folks I want to give you a quick trick on how to create a great smile for a photograph because the reality is is Most of us when we try to smile it doesn't look good on camera. And this is something I learned from a model 30 years ago and she said when you're ready to take a photograph chuckle, you know Now it feels awkward because you're moving a little bit but you're but the reality is the camera catches The enthusiasm which gives you that Julia Roberts Tom Cruise kind of smile not that I have one of those I mean you're closer to that than I am But it's it's creating that energy So right now get your girlfriends get your friends to take a photograph use their smartphone just take some chuckling like this and And right there and you really will have a better presentation of yourself because people Who are smiling in their photographs or just in the real in real life are more approachable. Yeah, no duck lips No, no duck lips. No duck legs. Yeah, okay good the third thing and this is really sad for me to share But I do believe that today It is so much easier for men to just simply hook up with women and Because of that because the ease of getting sex is almost the barrier to entry is so low That men are less likely to commit based on that. What are your thoughts? You're not a guy, but I'm not a guy Thank God No, I think you know what it takes the right woman to Take look if you're if you want to hook up go hook up have fun You know, it's your life. However, if you're really looking for a relationship and You know, you're interested in this person You know, take a little time to really see maybe this maybe you're just infatuated with what he looks like. I Don't know. Okay, so we did in the early stages radical honesty Yeah, we did and we talked about a lot of stuff in three days that I wouldn't talk to somebody probably in two years Okay, and our situation was unique at the same time Radical honesty and again, this is something I teach in my private coaching get the link below to schedule a call with me is Radical honesty is laying your cards on the table sooner rather than later So you you will weed out the guys who are in it for the short run Much sooner and then what happens is you actually become a magnetic Attractor for someone who's more likely to want to be in relationship when you stand in your power when you know Your standards and more importantly you are in the best place in your life because when you're in your best place in your life I believe that's the timing that creates the opportunities Yes well said your confidence your confidence comes through when you're in your power and And oh, I want to address that really quickly because one thing that impressed me about you Is you are absolutely in your power? I could tell you You weren't clingy you weren't You weren't like oh, you're trying too hard or anything like that You just simply made effort which I really appreciate it, but I could tell you never gave your power away to me Well, I never gave my power away to anybody exactly No, well, I think that's one of the things we what what I think makes us what I feel is unique is we retain our Sovereignty our self-worth our self-esteem and again sadly women who give their power away Men treat those women like low-hanging fruit They take advantage of yeah, they take advantage of them And so those are some of the reasons why men are less likely to commit and by the way ladies You have every you from your perspective you have a lot of reasons why you wouldn't even want to date someone or even Entertain a guy I get it. It's both ways. I'm just sharing with you again It's critically important. Oh You know one of the things I didn't address in this. I also think age discrimination begins to happen after age 45 For men and women alike Well, everybody. Yeah, so everybody lies on their profiles about how old they are and some people lie And it's fine because they look whatever the age they said they were but then you get the ones that That don't look anything like their age or they post a picture 10 years younger and that sort of thing But it's but the discrimination is all integrity So men discriminate women based on the fact that a lot of men from a physical standpoint want younger women That they may want it doesn't mean they'll get it But more importantly a lot of men think women their own age are so bitter and jaded that they go Well, let me just find a younger woman because she's gonna be less bitter and jaded And women look at men their own age going. I don't want to be a nurse or a purse to a guy So I think age discrimination is for both genders that happens and this makes it more critically important Again, I'm gonna end on this particular note for this section Be your best self work on yourself and just recognize that it takes time to actually get to know someone from a heart-centered Level so practice radical honesty and that's my invitation for you all All right, I think this is a good place to start for Q&A For those that are familiar with my format if you have a question for either one of us write the word question or post the question Then then post the question thereafter or if you're in the chat box You see a little dollar sign you can purchase a super sticker or super chat and if you're watching the replay You can purchase a super thanks all the monies from the super stickers super chat goes to a scholarship fund In and the name of my son Connor as they that's a picture of them right there if you lean right there He's my son who passed away four and a half years ago and in his honor I'm donate to causes like the Hoffman process and insight Institute not causes I should say their personal nonprofit personal development workshops, which I fully support and these are organizations I physically have participated and I can tell you Going through these programs really made a difference in my life to show up I think is a really fully prepared partner for you So well, yeah, you did a lot of work as well So again if you have a question post the question and again if you purchase a super sticker super chat, we'd appreciate it So you see let's see. Oh, here's one Jade says question You want to read it? No, I can't see you can't see it. Oh, where did my I need my back rest here? Oh Okay, how to avoid giving your power away when one doesn't realize it's happening some hints to look for okay It's great. It's great that you said that I've got a list of seven ways women give their power away So where's that question? Okay, here are some of the top ways women give their power away number one the relationship is on his terms You abandon your standards and boundaries Yeah, boundaries, okay number two you're you're afraid to speak your truth with him Go ahead also known as walking on eggshells. Yes, exactly Number three when the relationship ends the focus is all on him and him and him and what I could have done better It's all about him Number four waiting for him to initiate contact the need for validation folks I'm a big proponent two people can make mutual effort in the initiation of Communication you wrote every morning you texted me good morning You know when in the beginning of our relationship and then I'd follow up with a good evening Well, we talked and then I'd start with a good evening text. So okay by the way, I just want to reiterate I did not chase him For those that think that okay number five you stop doing your pre relationship wife your interests your activities and friends After meeting a man, you know that I mean on a personal note, you know when you told me about one of your girlfriends Or you're having a party in Florida. I'm like you should go to that You know I that in other words your partner is encouraging you to do those things But if you give it up your your personal life for them, you're giving your power away my trip to The African safari that we had already met and I wasn't gonna give you that but that's but yeah You kept that for our you know not had nothing to do with you didn't want to give your power away to me number six Feeling like you can't live without them. Oh my god I need him to love me so I can feel good about myself and number seven You think the other person is the only person in the entire universe who will love you and you have chemistry with them When you're those are things to look for if you're operating from that space You're giving your power away. So that last one. Yeah, there are so many women that think that guy was all of my life I'm never gonna find that again. La la la la. Well, if that's the way you're going to Be putting it out there in the universe, then guess what you never will find anybody. That's exactly true. Yeah All right, great question. All right. Let's see what we have here Son yet said Sanyet said I'm pretty miss bouncing question. Can the honeymoon phase be mistaken for commitment? well Well, I think commitment is a mutual discussion of What of what the relationship looks like and how you're going to invest in the relationship? I think the honeymoon phase is the physical excitement you feel But if it's just physical incitement that might feel that you're attached to the person But that doesn't mean commitment commitment comes with through agreements See, I I would think that you have to have commitment before you can have a honeymoon phase All right. I look at it. Oh, okay So while the commitment of for example monogamy and exclusivity, right? Okay. What's beyond monogamy and exclusivity? Well, it's getting to know each other more intimately. Well, that's sex. So let's go. No, what beyond sex This is well, but you can do a lot of thoughts and okay So you're sharing your thoughts, but that's not commitment well, okay, so for example commitment was Agreeing to the amount of time you spend together Okay, and actually doing that in your particular case you made the commitment to move here You know, we agreed to move in together. These are deeper examples of commitment Yeah, but but some people Okay, some of some people still think that because that we're in a honeymoon phase and then amber herds coming up Oh, God. Oh really quickly one of our followers here thinks she's gonna turn into Amber heard Amber heard Amber heard because we're you know, it's funny I've kind of felt our honeymoon phase has shifted to I think honeymoon is When dopamine is being released in that you that euphoric feeling whereas now we've shifted to serotonin Where it just feels safe and comfortable. Yeah Okay, but honeymoon phase has nothing to do with commitment Agreements have everything to do with commitment at least in my point of view anyway. Thank you Sonic for that question Let's keep going Let's see question. All right RL says question I never touched anybody and did not have an attitude. This is another lie from another customer once again It's good to hear that you didn't have a question for us, but thank you for sharing that. Okay Mother says question. How do you know when you're a hundred percent ready for marriage? I Don't think you ever a hundred percent though I think you know men can be overly can be overly Enthusiastic when they feel really good about someone especially of when it happens early in the relationship I think of more seasoned relationship. I'm thinking a couple years to two and two and a half years You know, I think it's a demonstration of saying. Okay. Let me just say this Marriage to me is that commitment that I want to take care of this person and I don't mean Financially, I mean, you know, what did what did the vows used to say sickness and health? What are the better or worse, you know, that sort of thing So it's an agreement to say, you know what I want you in my life even if we go through tough times I'm going to be there for you Sometimes that can be a scary thing for those of us in midlife because most people are divorced and they're gun-shy About wanting to get married again. I understand that so But I think, you know, sometimes you I this doesn't matter who you are You can always have fear and doubt the real person that succeeds is when you go Outside of your comfort zone when you're in fear and doubt and don't let the fear and doubt consume you to go down The path of, you know swiping, you know going back to the swipe world if you will By the way today folks, I got to say one thing I think people should be considering moving into getting married because let's face it Who wants to be dating in their mid 60s 70s and 80s? Do you really want to be out there trying to meet someone new again? I think it's I think it's time to say we should be Making more moves to moving in together and getting married because it's a clusterfuck out there in the dating realm But a lot of your your clients are in their 40s. Yeah, and and they're there They're they're still trying to find that their first relationship. You mean well, no I mean that'd be their first relationship, but they're still young enough. They're not thinking they're No, I've clients in their mid 60s even 70s, you know But my point is go in with the mindset of wanting to be in partnership with someone versus the casual Cavalier way people are dating. That's what I meant by that. So they work on yourself first First and foremost. Yes, you have to do that. Okay. Thank you for your question mother. Let's see what Gloria has to say What were the top three reasons you picked as a husband? And not someone else what let you know you want to commit for life or the top of reasons you picked Oh to be a husband. Oh, wait, wait, what were the top reasons you picked Jonathan? I think it's for me as a husband. Well, first of all, we're not married. Oh, yeah, we're not married. We're not married And so what are the three reasons why you picked me or accepted me? Gosh, how about being put on the spot? Um, should know this by heart. No, I The one thing I love is his heart. I love how the pack. He's so passionate about his work about it. Just He's a good guy and you know, good guys are hard to find so So that's one Timing was right so that that worked out really well and I'm great and bad I Get in trouble for that one. No, but See now you made me lose my train of thought Sorry to interrupt you but it was about about being We talked about so much that I had I had never talked to somebody in three days the way we spoke to each other the first three days that we that we hung out and I'm Trust and say it just feeling safe and secure that that you know, I mean, I told him Okay, so how'd you know I wasn't the tinder swindler? How'd you know I wasn't the scam artist? You could have been But I didn't think so and by the way, I had never seen one of his videos Never ever ever so we were watching dirty John the other day Which is about a scam artist and one of the things that the woman said and I hear this habitually from clients There were red flags literally from the get-go and she ignored them So she said my heart said go forward, but my head said, you know, stop I actually have a different theory on that I think it's that ego that says that go forward and the heart says protect me stop me from this guy I I really do believe I think people get it backwards and if we actually Reckon this is really critically important If you if it does if something doesn't feel right, that's your heart Warning you so and I hear this from women who've gone through break up after break up after break up They all say the same thing Something wasn't right from the beginning, but I went against my better judgment. It's your brain that gets in the way It's the ego that gets in the way or you think that they're gonna change. Oh, well, that's not that's ego Ego things are gonna change. No people don't change if they are who they are All right, so thank you glory for that question. Let's keep going. I can't even pronounce this name Question nine dates in two months with an introvert guy I wanted to spend New Year's Eve with them on the 29th I came to know on the 25th. He promised his two cousins The spend it with them. Did I push him away with expectations? Nine dates in two months. So that's what's that's roughly once a week With an introvert guy. I wanted to spend New Year's Eve with them on the 29th I came to know on the 25th he promised I came to know I don't that means he promised his cousins to spend it with them You know, it's hard to say if you pushed him away It's you know, the real question I am for you is Nine dates. How well did you really know someone? I think dating today is so passive. It's it's surface level It's not it's like I jokingly saying my videos. How's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you had a good day. I mean, it's Going deeper to get to know someone requires Asking deeper questions like what we did for those three days, right in this question. I You know, I kind of had a situation like that. Okay, tell me and You know really nice guy he he didn't He didn't decide to go do something else I decided because I just realized I wasn't that into him and I didn't want to do spending the money on Something on me when it wasn't going to go anywhere because right after New Year's Day. I was going to end it anyway so the fact that he you know You were going to spend New Year's with him And then his two cousins came up with a better plan. They did you a favor? Because he it wasn't just that into you. Yeah, he wasn't that into it again I think that happens if intimacy is built through deeper questions It wasn't there because there wasn't enough trust There wasn't enough intimacy built with one another in those nine dates and I believe that's possible to make happen well, and you know the other side is maybe he was into you, but he thought it was too soon and You but you set yourself up with these expectations and Expectations lead to disappointment. So well, did she really create an expectation? They expected to see each other on New Year's Eve. Well, she says that Did she push him away with the expectation? I know it. Well, is it an expectation or is it, you know, there was a commitment made and I expect you to honor the commitment Right. Well, you know, you know, he did you a favor. Yes. He did you a favor Okay, thank you for your question. I appreciate it. All right. Wanda writes question Should I ask The guy that I'm talking to if we will only be friends if I'm not physically attracted to him Should I ask the guy that I'm talking to if we will only be friends if I'm not physically attracted to Yeah, I have my thoughts. Okay. You're manifesting something already. Like, yeah, are you not physically attracted to him already? So if you're gonna ask him, that's gonna turn the guy off I wouldn't but the other thing is, you know, I'm a big proponent Okay, you know, I said this to you right in the beginning. I don't need more friends in my life. I already have A lot of friends who I don't get to see as it is and what I mean to say is to me Friendship means something more than an acquaintance. Okay You know, one thing in the online dating world You can make a lot of so-called friends But they're really a lot of acquaintances that you feel connection with and you communicate for a period of time But ultimately when you meet the right relationship, will this friend be actually in your life? Am I making sense? Oh, yeah. No, I have Yeah, so, you know, they were maybe they were nice Distractions to have a friend But they're really just distractions Until you actually meet the partner that you want to be genuinely friends with along with lovers as well Because those people that collect friends You're you're gonna have to let them go when you meet someone. I mean accused of collecting friends Well, and I didn't want to when you said let's be friends. I'm like, I don't need more friends in my life Either I'm gonna explore a relationship with someone or not Although you live far away so that didn't matter and it was cove it. All right, let's keep going All right mother says Question, how do I go to the next level if your partner isn't on the next level of being the best version of yourself You help them What are your thoughts on that? Oh gosh, you can't help somebody Do something that they're not ready to do Yeah If somebody is not in a good, sorry to interrupt If someone's not in a good place in their life or they still have well, here's the thing There's a saying you have to love yourself before you love another That's garbage. Okay Loving yourself is an ongoing process. You never reach full Enlightenment I don't that person doesn't exist unless your mother Teresa or Gandhi and believe me those two had their own shit to deal with as well In relationship you actually can Um, you can heal you can have greater healing in relationship. Let me just say that again When two people meet that are in a good place in their life, maybe they've had childhood wounds and traumas adult traumas And they've done some work to heal it There's still more deeper healing that can happen through a relationship our relationship We're still healing some of our old wounds. We get triggered sometimes with the more trust and commitment We have with one another we keep healing that To get to a more secure place within ourselves the real question is For argument's sake if the scale was one to 20 and you're on ladder 12 Is he on ladder 11 or rung 11 or is he on rung 2 if he's on rung 2 You have no chance in hell if he's on ladder if you're on rung 12 and he's on 11 or 10 That's a relationship worth working on. Did that make sense? Yeah, that makes sense, but I I just don't think that it's her job to bring them up to par No What you can always lead by example, but ultimately if someone has some deep wounds They have to do individual work on themselves To get to a position of healing those Okay, okay Uh Let's see. Here's one Amira Uh, what's that say psychic tv live? Okay, how do we trust a man? Man or men by going slow when they're just want romance and sex I'm good at sensing for other people, but for me I have trust a lot of men and have been disappointed as they were liars I have thoughts on that. You want to go first? You want to let you go? So I think it's clear men who come on strong sexually That's an easy one to spot if a guy is focused on sex Only those guys are love bombers are oftentimes in it for the short run The question is Men are driven biologically to want sex. I mean, I saw your first date. I wanted to have sex with you I'm not going to deny that Ultimately a man who genuinely wants to get to know you beyond the physical Is at least a better representation of someone who's more likely in it for the long term than the short term mating You're just gonna agree All right, so just to be clear These days Most men have a short term mating strategy Not a long-term mating strategy. I would venture to say 80 percent of men have a short term mating strategy And by the way, I'm being generous when I leave the balance at 20 percent And what I mean is their strategy is they believe if they met someone special in the sex is great They'll want to commit But these are men who don't know how to get to the level of commitment People who know they want partnership with again, these men are in it. They're in it for the short run Possibly believing it'll turn in the long run Men who know they want partnership operate in a different way. Didn't I operate differently? Yes. Okay compared to the menu dated before Yes Can you give an example? I put you on the spot radical honesty radical honesty No, like some men On paper looked great And then you meet them and all they want is to be seen at every different restaurant with a different girl And that's not a guy that I don't want to entertain anything like that Well, also, I think it's it's important to find out about their past experiences because that'll give you clues The past can give you insight into how someone operates if they literally are serial daters, you know I mean not that a man will necessarily declare that but if someone's been single for 15 years And they've only had one girlfriend that was nine years ago What's he been doing for those nine years, you know, I'm sure he's been occupying his time But again men who lead with sex are usually the ones that are in it for the short run. All right. Thank you for that question all right All right Question, how do you guys realize that you guys were ready for each other? How did we realize that? Um, we have been talking for over a year and non-romantic non-romantic Except for I get every once in a while. I get uh, you know what if we don't find anybody. Let's just Get married. Let's all I want to get married. Well, I was just throwing out, you know So I think we in our particular case and you know ours is not the norm But it's certainly there is some nuggets from this experience first and foremost We connected online and for about a year. We spoke maybe a half maybe six to ten times In a platonic non-romantic way just and it was because we had distance so there was no You know, I neither one of us pushed it because we lived far away When the opportunity came to meet each other, we certainly hit it off right when we met But more importantly we got a sense of we both got a sense that we wanted something long-term prior to that so when we met Those two times in Chicago And then you came to visit me during that visit We said if this is going to work then we have to explore a fully committed relationship with one another We were both like look, we're too old to be doing this shit Oh Excuse me Let me not remind the audience who's older. All right. I hope I answered your question. Joe. Thank you All right. Lexi writes question What do you do with a man who won't commit but is extremely invested in short in short Extremely invested short of marriage Well Okay, so he's extremely invested. What does that mean? I mean if if you're not Well, first off if the penis is going on inside the vagina, there should be a commitment between one another I don't know how many times I need to say that ladies. Yeah, but if it's short what she's saying it's short of marriage You and I aren't married yet So is that that's you know, we're in a commitment Right, there's no but he wants to commit Wait, he doesn't want to get married. It's wait. Wait. I mean what do you do with a man who won't commit? But is extremely invested short of marriage. Yeah, well That's hard to say it depends on what type of investment he's making Like I well, okay I'm a big folks if you don't call each other boyfriend and girlfriend when you're having sex Then that's not a committed relationship if you don't if you're not actively discussing what your desires Okay, folks, let me interrupt for a second. Let me be clear about my channel My channel is solely for those people who want partnership in their life I recognize that many people are happy with Situationships casual relationships friends with benefits or what are their polyamorous or whatever that I'm focused on partnership So my channel is for those who who want partnership and they identify that very early on in the dating process Okay, now what partnership looks like to you might be different? What looks like them the reason why you do radical honesty questions is determine You're laying your cards on the table to determine if you're both on the same page Let me give you a crude example of this for like I'm going to use 20 year olds You're a person who never wants children in your life and you're with somebody who wants children That is a complete mismatch from a long-term strategy Right, right. Okay. So make sure you're on the same page of what you want from a long-term strategy The sad part is most people date from a short-term strategy and they use chemistry as their indicator of relationship success I know I said a lot of words that may have not made sense but my point is If you're going to invest if someone's fully invested then commitment must be a component of that But commitment doesn't mean that he has to commit to marriage Well, that's what she's saying short of marriage. He won't commit He extremely invested short of marriage. So he draws a line. He's like he does Oh, I went off on a total tangent. So let me go down this road for a second The reality is is a significant percentage of midlife folks are reluctant to get married They maybe have gotten burned in the past Um, and they have maybe they have some fears. Maybe they just don't want to take on the financial responsibility Again partnership to me Is a component of ultimately saying I want to take care of this person That's what I mean. I don't mean financially. I mean in every facet. So at some point I I would say living together is the is the space right below marriage Do that make sense no make sense. Okay. Sorry. I babbled there folks. Thanks for bearing with me Um, and I hope I help answer your question Okay Here's one In the age if wait in this age if there is no sex will there be any chance for commitment? I have a thought on that Let me be blunt Sex is part of the decision-making process to commitment for men for men Especially yeah, I mean to the extent here's the thing I believe if you're going to have regular sex with someone there should at least be An agreement of monogamy and exclusivity and what my point is monogamy is okay I don't want you sleeping with other people because I don't want cooties. Okay, number one Exclusivity set is I don't want you actively seeking other people While we're in this sexual we're in this relationship of determining if we want long-term commitment while we're having sex together sex though it Physical connection. Let me take it a short one step below sex Physical connection is part of the decision-making process For you ladies too go ahead Well, I agree with what you said, but um All right, imagine you had sex with a guy who sucked in the bedroom. Would you want to commit to him? Probably not. Okay, so sex is part physical Compatibility is part of the decision-making process for commitment again You can at least agree in the beginning to monogamy and exclusivity The reality is is this two people can be monogamous and exclusive and they can break that agreement at any time This is why doing a better job of vetting the person If you're going to give your body to someone make sure you're on the same page Oh, and by the way, the same page doesn't mean this He says he wants relationship You say want relationship in your mind relationship looks like this I'd like to spend three or four days a night to week together doing shared activities hobbies mutual interest spending time With family and friends traveling together teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life Intimacy both physical and emotional intimacy that leads either moving in together getting married That's maybe your standard. His standard relationship is I like to see it my beckham call Folks if you don't discuss what a relationship looks like for you and what commitment looks like for you That's on you. It's not on him and I'm being blunt here. Okay. I'm done ranting. Okay Okay Listen psychic tv again Men online seem to just play games and want lust and limerence I find men online don't want to do the deep don't want to do deep on any level How do you do wait? How do you do that? Or are they the wrong guy? I have vetted thousands We met online You know what most of my by the way, I'm going we're going to a wedding in april. They met online I went to a wedding last year. They met online one of my dear friends Met their partner online. I mean my best friend met his partner online Most people in midlife are meeting online. Now. Does that mean you got to kiss a lot of frogs? Yeah, I mean sadly and by the way one of the things I teach in my private coaching is how to improve your intuition so you can avoid dating a thousand men like this person has and And actually become a magnetic attractor to a person who's more aligned to who you are I agree. I didn't date a thousand men But any men did you date? I don't know. I haven't counted but I didn't date a thousand men because you know, it took me a while I was traveling and having fun um, but I did meet people that You know that I thought well, you know, maybe this this is a good guy But again, we went we go back for timing. No, and I was doing the things that I needed to do for me Yeah, um, and you know, and I think back, you know, maybe that guy would have been a nice guy Maybe maybe it could have been a relationship, but I didn't You know, I I will say and I I I know your frustration. I get it It's very frustrating out there Um, and it can feel disheartening. There's no doubt about it The reality is is these days we don't meet people organically that we know are single and eligible. It's just rare Unlike people in their 20s that go to college. You're my son went to school with 30 000 students of which, you know 15 000 were women of those 15 000 maybe two were married I'm making up that number But you're in a target-rich environment when you're younger is surrounded by people when you get to midlife I mean, unless the female burglar who was single and hot broke into my door I wouldn't have met someone if it wasn't a bar in a ladies night. There are a lot of women But there are a lot of men too. You know, I didn't meet a lot of people That I it's just not the kind of but again going into a bar alcohol is involved a lot of times that alcohol Causes men to go into lust and limerence like she talks about my point is this It's a reality these days Most people are going to be meeting online. So the real going back to what I said before best representation of yourself Making sure you've healed wounds and then do a better job of bedding. So that's my invitation for you Um, I did background checks on people. Yes. Yeah, by the way, I want to thank peter for the three dollar super sticker Thank you so much. I also want to thank Mother orchid for the dollar and 49 cents super sticker. Thank you so much Oh, here's going back to psyche tv said maybe the only way to really get a vibe about them is to meet someone naturally in person Well, you can meet someone online and then meet them in person too. So But the way I I did online dating is I never met someone in person unless I had already had a couple of phone calls with them First phone calls the first date Yeah, and and a lot of times it never happened because you just get to the point where you know what? I just don't think we're a match and I was you have to learn to be able to say that to somebody not Not be so desperate to go out on a date to say hey, you know what? You seem like a nice guy, but I we're just not a match. We're not on the same page and You know, all right. Thank you Did you meet him on match? Yes, he met me on match. I met her on match We met we met on two dating apps only he doesn't remember I well, I remember physically seeing your profile. By the way, we're also on a website called millionaire match and You know, it does imply, you know a sense of high status or superficiality more money to be in it But I actually I met some really Really neat women on that site. So uh, check out millionaire match. Okay Uh, okay. Here's mother super sticker. Thank you so much Connor asley will appreciate that All right, let's keep going. Oh god. We have lots. We have a lot of comments here DS says How do you maintain your boundaries and still manage to let someone in in the moment? This can be hard to manage as it may look like rejection So to me It's not about your boundaries It's about your standards because I think it's important to know your standards and maintain them a boundary is simply what's okay And what's not okay for me? I think what you're describing is How do I let someone in when I have walls up? I think she's describing walls hmm Well, I thought of it completely different because yeah, um, you know boundaries Like there was a line that I used once and I thought it was pretty good. So I'm going to tell you um, this guy I just met him and he straddles The bar stool that I'm sitting at and gets really close And I you know this guy's invading my space and I didn't Know how to say it without hurting his feelings, but then I said Can you please tell me what I'm doing that makes you think that it's okay for you to sit this way? And that's a boundary. Yeah, well because I didn't You know, I just didn't want to Be mean about it, but I wanted so I put it on myself. What am I doing this way? Do you think it's okay? He's like, well, you don't like this. I'm like, no, I just met you I don't know you. Why would you do that? You know So, okay, so you're communicating in a way. Well, it's kind of like, okay So I'm going to throw myself under the boss here But Marie is really good at what's known as non-conference or non-violent communication What I mean to say is non confrontational communication. So, uh, one of the first things that happened with us This I happened to pick her up Uh, and I've been sweating a little bit. So I've had a little bit of bo So instead of saying, hey, Jonathan, you stink. She why don't you say what you said? I said, you know, if this is really difficult to say, but um, I just don't think your deodorant is working for you Um Now I immediately took a fence because I actually felt a bit ashamed. I just didn't want to spend the rest of the day Feeling uncomfortable and I knew he was running around with the top down in his car Yeah, it was hot So so I went and cleaned up and put on more deodorant and he put on my deodorant I put on her deodorant. By the way, secret is really good deodorant Um, so the point is how you said it wasn't you stink You said I don't think you're deodorant. So I would recommend this book folks Here, I definitely want to recommend this book non-violent communication by marshal Rosenberg I think you embody this I I'd like to think we both do But the idea is to communicate in a way without making the other person wrong That's what you did. Well, okay. I haven't read the book. Yeah, I just don't like hurting people's feelings But you know, I if I didn't say anything then Well, sometimes people don't want to hurt people's feelings. They just go some don't talk Yeah In the case of what you're talking about though, I want to be clear I believe she was talking about walls up And so the best way to approach a relationship is with no walls folks We have to be open and receptive to all possibilities The real key is not getting attached to an outcome I think what women typically do when men do this as well is they get attached to either the guy or the What the guy represents And they're so fixated on that and so But if you start with walls, I will tell you a woman with walls I lose interest really fast The woman has walls up They want to take it really slow, you know, they they want to take it slow because they've been hurting their past to me That's a wall and I'm not to suggest. I don't want to go at someone's pace But if you have a wall up, it's going to be a turn off to most guys All right, I think we're going to take one more question. We have so many folks Wow Oh, thank you, Jennifer big gigantic Jonathan bear hugs to you I wonder if we'll ever gonna but Okay, let's go here Question a surgeon for 30 years Wait a surgeon for 30 years for me power equals being masculine hoped Marriage magic would allow to be feminine is the power understanding communicating self-transparent vulnerability no compromise I'm going to take a stab in the dark what I think you're talking about. Let me look at this again. So okay So to be a surgeon if I'm assuming you're the surgeon in this particular case Someone to be in that level of not just authority but Expertise requires confidence requires ambition requires determination All of these we call masculine. Okay I don't consider those masculine. I just think that's confidence Ambition, you know Determination, you know, we think of those as masculine. I have a lot of masculine energy Based on a lot of that stuff. Yeah. So and I'm not a surgeon. So kudos to you So, yeah, exactly. But at the same time feminine, we think of now it's interesting We think of feminine within men is neediness and you know desperation So if that's feminine, wouldn't that be same within women? Well, no, that would be a very turnout anyone who's needy And dependent upon someone what I think what we're really talking about when I think of of feminine Or to be more open and receptive And more importantly to have an agreeable personality to have a fun personality Which is neither male or female. Okay, and it's neither masculine or feminine Having a personality that's fun. That's agreeable. What I mean by agreeable. I don't mean doormat I'm saying, you know, if you want to go to this restaurant, that sounds great No, I have gluten allergy and I have this and I have that next thing You know, the guy's going there's no restaurant that can make her happy, you know And we lose interest and that's not masculine to be in that way. That's just people who are A pain in the ass So I'm sorry. This is my point of view on this It's not about being masculine or feminine is are you a fun? Energetic person that someone would want to spend time with If you're always in work mode Nobody wants to be with you when you're doing surgery, although it'd be interesting to be in the In the operating room with someone's surgery, but my point is are you fun to be with that's all you need to be Are you are you do you listen to a person? Do you interject? Are you curious about the person and that's neither masculine or feminine I I just want to say one thing and and we're making the assumption that you are the surgeon Um It looks like you are the surgeon. Um I'm not a surgeon. I was married to a doctor and one of the things that I I didn't like is even though I ran the offices and stuff People assumed that I was supposed to be a certain way because of his profession So I made it very clear that I do not identify with his profession That's his profession and I would think that perhaps if I was a doctor when you're in the dating world I wouldn't want to be You know identified as oh the doctor. I want people to see me for who I am Not for my profession. Got it. Although. It's kind of cool to be a surgeon. Oh my god. Yeah I would love to have been Anything like that. All right I think this would be a great place to wrap up We talked about timing and ultimately I view timing much like the way I do luck It's where preparation meets opportunity when you are in a good place in your life You're in a good place. You're at your you both physically emotionally mentally spiritually in a good place Um, and then putting yourself out there to be seen by single eligible people And the other person is in a good place in their life And they're putting themselves out to be seen and the two of you meet if there's that spark of chemistry If there's that connection with one another You have a greater chance for success and that's the way I view timing You thought I agree All right, folks, I think we're gonna wrap up here today First off, I want to thank you all so much for joining us If you like the content on this channel, please hit the like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe Um, also, uh, please tell your friends as well Also, if you need some support check out the links to a free discovery call with me Check out my group called midlife love mastery if you want to follow me on instagram You can go there all the books I recommend are listed in the description in the show notes as well And I think this will be a great place to wrap up this video and since I'm not by myself I'm with my partner. I'm going to give you a big gigantic shot the bear hug And thank you everyone for all the wonderful messages we there's just so many we can't get to all of them, but Thank you. Thanks everyone. Have a great evening. Bye now