 Then we step on board the Club Car Special, sink into a comfortable chair, and open our newspaper to the March of Events and City Life section, a section of wit and humor appearing in the Hearst papers throughout the country. Its features are written by America's leading laugh provokers, Will Rogers, Arthur Buck Spare, O.O. McIntyre, George A.D., Sam Hellman, Milt Gross, Damon Runyon, and many others. So let's be on our way to a million dollars worth of mirth and merriment. Well, before we go any further, let's see what this cartoon is all about. Well, it seems to be a scene in a courtroom. And a beautiful girl is in the witness box. The judge is bending eagerly forward, and the prosecuting attorney is excitedly objecting to something or other. This all looks very, very interesting. I object your honor to the unfair influence which the witness is bringing to bear upon the court. What unfair influence is the witness bringing to bear upon the court? If it please the court, her skirts are too high, and her legs are crossed. And if it please the court, we'll say it pleases the court. McIntyre's friends know him as Odd McIntyre, but the whole world knows him as one who provides glimpses of the great and the near great, and as a writer who philosophizes on the big and the little things of life. No writer in America has more friends than McIntyre. He has millions of followers scattered in all states. And one of his most loyal adherents is Billy Murray. Billy, will you tell us what McIntyre has had to say lately? McIntyre became somewhat philosophically the other day, and dashed off some pearls of wisdom, apropos thoughts that come to one at the age of 40. Now, listen to the way McIntyre puts it. He says, at 40, the sensible man realizes if he has not already succeeded that he has but 10 years to make a mark. If it is not to be washed out by the next tide. At 40, it is difficult to mend habits. You will regret many things at 40, but it is the age when most sturdy characters crystallize. If you're honest at 40, you will likely remain honest the rest of your days. Well, he's certainly right about that, Billy. I'll check him there. Anything more? Yes, McIntyre says at 40, you will realize that the sanest philosophy comes from men past 60. Men you regarded as old fogies 10 years ago. Oh, and then McIntyre gives those who have reached the 40 mark a bit of sober optimism. For instance, he says that at 40, the most interesting part of your life is before you, although it is the briefest cycle. It is probable that your life is more than half over, but you'll find between 40 and 60 the golden years, especially if you have prepared for them. Or listen to this, here's a hard joke. McIntyre finishes by saying that if you haven't prepared for the golden years ahead, do so at once or heaven help you. No one else will. It wouldn't be typical of McIntyre if he didn't give you a few pertinent facts about famous persons. He says Marie Dressler saw three little pigs eight times. J.P. Morgan always keeps his name off passenger lists. Ben Burney is Cincinnati's radio favorite. King George always carries indigestion tablets in his pocket. And Primo Canera, following his breach of promise shake downs, is now girl shy. Yes, Harry, for sober philosophy, whimsical humor, and up to the minute gossip you can't beat out McIntyre, I wouldn't miss him for anything. Mystery stories revolving about the adventures of operative T-99 of the Eagle Wall Detective Agency. Now, the adventure you're about to dramatize for you begins in the palatial home of Mrs. H.D.G.B. Hackaby, who has summoned operative T-99 to clear up a very baffling situation. What seems to be the trouble, Mrs. H.D.G.B. Hackaby? Oh, I'm simply worried to death. Doc, look at Puggle Wuggles. Who is Puggle Wuggles? This is Puggle Wuggles. See to the man, Puggle Wuggles. Oh, he's just wasting away to skin and bones. Indeed. How's his appetite? His appetite is perfectly enormous. He's the big keeping plate of liverwurst and sauerkraut every day. Most extraordinary. Most extraordinary. Could it be that any of your servants have a grudge against the little dog? Perhaps someone is giving him slow poison. Oh, no, that couldn't be. Puggle Wuggles is under the personal care of Jarvis the Butler. Jarvis is entirely above sufficient. No, I beg your pardon, madam. That's Jarvis now. Oh, I just brought Puggle Wuggles' dinner, madam. Liverwurst and sauerkraut. Thank you, Jarvis. You may put it back. Just a moment. Where does Puggle Wuggles usually eat his dinner? He never eats anywhere but in the sun room. That's right next to my husband's room, Mr. H.D.G.B. Hackaby. He's somewhat of an invalid. He's been confined to his room for months. I see. Do you mind if I go along while Puggle Wuggles is fed? Oh, not at all. He may give me the liverwurst and sauerkraut, Jarvis. Now that'll be all. Thank you, ma'am. Now just follow me. This way. Here we are. Our mother will put Puggle Wuggles on his big silk pillow and give him his din-dun-uh. He seems hungry all right. Now, Mrs. H.D.G.B. Hackaby, do you mind stepping back here with me behind this curtain? Why, no, not at all. Now we'll both be very quiet. I want to watch Puggle Wuggles eat his dinner. Eat back of the curtain. We must be completely hidden. Now help me watch closely. Look. An arm reaching through that door. It's reaching for Puggle Wuggles liverwurst and sauerkraut. It's taking it away. Hey, you! Take him up. Come out of that room. Who could it be? Come on now. Come out of that room. It's my husband. Your husband? Henry? What does this mean? So you caught me, did you? Henry, what on earth? Stop eating Puggle Wuggles liverwurst and sauerkraut and answer me. Just a moment, Mrs. H.D.G.B. Hackaby. Ah, I thought so. Very good. What is it? What do you usually feed your husband? My husband. Yes. Artichokes, broccoli, chicken broadcasted in. I thought so. But what does that have to do with little Puggle Wuggles? It means that if you don't want Puggle Wuggles to starve to death, you'd better give Mr. H.D.G.B. Hackaby some of this very excellent liverwurst and sauerkraut now and then. All aboard. Club calls for the Bugs Bear. Thousands of readers of the Hearst Sunday newspapers are following the career of a big, flanky guy named Waterman. Waterman is the brainchild of Arthur Bugs Bear. Water goes to a college called Rufftown, and last season he was very active on the football team. Oh, very active indeed. But wait, I think Charlie Cantor saw the final game of that Rufftown schedule. How about it, Charlie? Am I right? I was there, Harry, in the flesh. Well, then come on up here and give us some of this first-hand information on Waterman. This guy, Waterman, is quite a character. You see, the day Water arrived at Rufftown College, he went out to the football field just for the walk. The boys were having a little scrimmage, and when Water saw 22 of them all in one pile, he thought they were trying to catch a turtle, so he dove right in. Well, before the boys got unscramble, Waterman was unanimously elected to the team. Water says he just started at the bottom and worked his way up. But about that final game, Harry, I saw Waterman make the first lateral touchdown in history. He slid along the 50-yard line, Greenwich time, under the Rufftown bench, and out the freight entrance of the mayor's box and without interference. No, no, Waterman did not make the All-American team this year, but he did make the wrong goal five fumbles and a hospital caught all in one day. Incidentally, Harry, Rufftown won that game 87 to nothing. It was just an old-time ear-grabber's holiday. Right then, they started putting trailers on ambulance routes. You know, out at Rufftown College, they don't hand out diplomas, Harry. No, indeedy. The boys spend so much time in the hospital, they give them a fever chart when they graduate. Dear old Rufftown, and if you don't think they can give it as well as take it, listen to this. Next year, Rufftown plays army in Notre Dame at the same time. Army will defend the north goal, Notre Dame will defend the south goal, and Rufftown... Rufftown will start in the middle and work both ways. Rogers knows is just what he reads in the papers or what he runs into here and there. And in one of his articles, he told of a party given by Hal Roach, the man who produces those very fine comedies. The occasion was the 20th anniversary of Mr. Roach's entry into pictures. Rogers says the casting directors of the old silent movies went at things a little differently than they do today. And according to Will's article, Hal Roach's initiation of 20 years ago might have been something like this. Well, hello, Hal. You in this picture? Me? No. Just thought I'd drop around and see what's doing. You working on this lot? I don't know yet. Have a cigarette? No, thanks. I always roll my own. Oh, that's right. See, you got the makings handy. Yeah. Always carry it right here in my shirt pocket with a little tag hanging out so I can get at it easy. I never could learn to roll them. Oh, see, here comes Joe Mooch. Who's Joe Mooch? The director. Oh. Here's where I hit for some work. Good morning, Mr. Mooch. Anything for me in this picture today? No, but, say, I can use your friend there. Oh, me? Yeah, you with that tobacco sack in your pocket. Now, listen, I want you to do a cowboy. All you got to do is to ride a horse down a cliff. Now, wait for me right over there by the camera. But, say, wait a minute. I'll be right with you. Say, Hal, when did you learn to ride a horse? I can't ride. And yet Mooch picks you for the job. Gee, I can't imagine why. Maybe I better tell him I can't ride when he comes back. All right, Joe. Now, get it. You have to climb on this horse when I yell camera and action. And then you ride down the side of the hill. You got it? Yeah, but listen. But nothing that's all you've got to do. All ready, boys? All set, Mr. Mooch. All right, get set, Joe, now then. Camera, action. Come on, come on, come on. Come on, get started. Faster, Joe, faster. Run to the horse. Now, climb up on it. No, no. Come around and get on it from this side. The camera is on this side. Please remember, we're taking pictures of you, not the horse. Hey, hey, you. What are you going to do? Dence with him? Get down the horse. No, no. You're going to ride me down the horse. Come out from underneath him. And listen, cowboy, smile. Smile, will you? You like this horse. He is your horse, your pal. You got it? I think he's so scared. And from your face, people will think it was the first time that you ever rode a horse. Well, it is. Huh? What's that? Come here, you. Yes, sir. Isn't you a real cowboy? Me? Well, I know. Hey, give hold. Well, why do you wear a tobacco set? Can you show your pocket if you're not a cowboy? The Club Car Special has made its last stop on this program. You have been enjoying the fun and nonsense of America's leading humorists, Will Rogers, Odd McIntyre, George A.D., Bugs Bear, Damon Runyon, and others. This program was based upon their writings and on the cartoons that appear in the March of Events and City Life section of the Hearst Sunday newspaper. Buy a copy of the Hearst newspaper in your community next Sunday. Read and laugh at these articles written by the nation's leading writers of comedy. Once you make their acquaintance, you'll be inviting them into your home through the newspaper and on the radio every week. Be sure to meet the Club Car Special when it makes the next trip on the air a week from today. Same station, same time.