 convention and we have a very special guest an awesome guy that I've come to know in the past few months I just moved to Austin I've had some amazing exchanges with him but also he is somebody that has in the social dynamics industry some that is very rare near a 100% success rate that means everybody he's worked with man is you know 100% guarantee for success also he is the speaker that has spoken to the 21 convention five times and has the number one a million views to his speech from Austin 2012 this is Nick Sparks thank you Steve for that warm introduction and big thank you to Anthony just for for having me back for hosting this amazing convention it's speak at a lot of these things and it really is you know it's it's rare to find this amazing collection of speakers this great message that's being put out there and I definitely feel very fortunate to be here so thank you the title of my speech this year how to get sexual like a man and this is a topic that's very very near and dear to my heart for a number of reasons after my last speech on this stage it's all about conversation the number one question I received from people is Nick saw your video saw your speech and having amazing conversations I'm really connecting with people in a way that I haven't done before but a lot of times my interactions with women with women that I like that I'm attracted to they're still going into a more friendly category they're still not really viewing me as a sexual person right and this is something that I can relate to as well as anyone growing up I was painfully awkward painfully nerdy I mean when I went out for the football team which pretty much everyone made fun of me for and wondered what the heck I was doing you know my my football coach used to say I couldn't walk and shoot gum at the same time had these huge glasses acne all over I hadn't filled out into my height which had jumped up pretty rapidly in those years in fact one girl someone who I'd known since preschool she even said to me Nick we're in the hallways and it's a hey how's it going said Nick can you please not talk to me I don't want to be seen with you and I'm sure we can all kind of relate if you've had a similarly nerdy background in one way shape or form or another and then in the work that I've done in the coaching that I've done still the number one thing that I've heard from guys is people just don't view me as a sexual being girls will like me as a friend but nobody seems to like me as a romantic partner and that can hurt that can make you question your value as a person as a human being because I mean love romance it's something that we all desire it's something that's kind of born in us and programmed in us and to not be able to express that to not be able to feel that kind of hits you right down at the core one guy in particular really stood out to me his name is Tony amazing guy the thing is Tony happened to be in a wheelchair and remember before he worked before I worked with him Tony said to me you know Nick you know with with this chair I just don't feel like a woman could ever view me as a sexual being I really don't feel like there's any hope for me to find romantic success I mean that stuff gets to you how can it not and so this is a topic that it really kind of it hits me right here it really kind of gets me right in the feels as they say still always nervous doesn't get any easier we shouldn't be that surprised that so many people have so much trouble with this area in our society in our culture we don't really get that much formal education on how to express your sexuality right I mean we know how to be romantic light some candles I give flowers but it's really not going to attract someone that's not already attracted to you my father when educating me on sex and sexuality his advice basically came down to three words use a condom never really explained how to get to the point where that condom would be necessary but I think this kind of reflects the experience of a lot of people but because the generation before us really didn't have any solid education on on how that's done so what do we do we turn to movies we turn to TV and what do we get from that what's the message well sometimes there's the awkward nerdy guy that basically annoys the girl until he spends enough time with her that she slowly sees how amazing she is and falls in love with him we all know that that doesn't actually happen in real life right you've got the guy that's super witty and super funny and telling all these jokes and the girl is just you know overwhelmed by his adorableness and both these situations she always seems to make the first move I look at any guy movies that we love growing up and she's always like so you're gonna ask me out on a date so you're gonna kiss me or what never happens right Billy Madison I was convinced that she was gonna be like some woman would be like so you've got your teacher alone in your tent what do you want to do now Billy Madison like it never happens in real life and then the other model that we had where the the movies aim more towards women where there was just kind of this swab super confident guy that just you know looks at the woman and she magically just melts and they just you know go after each other like crazy but I mean I was a guy who couldn't even walk and shoot gum at the same time I knew I couldn't be that guy so I had to try to be the funny goofy really doesn't work out that way even all the way until my earlier years of college there was a my the first woman that I really dated for a while and she treated me terribly I mean you know talking down to me even though I tried to do everything to make her happy you know fairly emotionally abusive to the point where my friends had to sit me down and said Nick what are you doing with this girl she treats you awfully you have to stop this but I was just so happy to have a woman that that showed me some sort of interest actually that I didn't care I went along with it so yeah this is definitely something that really hits home for me this is definitely something an issue that's very personal to me so I made it kind of a mission to figure out well what is some good education on this subject what is something that I can give to guys no matter who they are no matter what situation they'll be in where they can learn to develop this part of themselves where they can learn to find that success and that's what this speech is all about so don't want to be the funny goofy guy that doesn't work don't want to be the annoying guy that slowly grows on her that obviously doesn't work so how can you be that guy from the female-centered movies that women seem to go crazy over what's that secret how does it work well the secret here really let's slow down a little bit before we get to the secret the foundation right the foundation of all this the foundation of getting sexual is that there there's nothing to be done actively the the big kind of mistake the big flaw that's in a lot of the teaching that we get about this and just the way that we think about doing this sort of thing in our culture is that it has to be something active we have to do something we have to say something and that's going to be what's going to get this attraction going that's not at all in fact that's the opposite and the more you do that the more you'll actually be hurting yourself the more you'll actually be sabotaging any efforts that you have right just like I talk about in conversation the foundation of all of this the foundation of getting sexual starts with to getting sexual right because once again nine times out of ten got myself to where I've got myself to the point where I can kind of close my eyes and bring it up and keep in mind like what you saw up here on this stage is a pale shadow like when there's a woman that we are really connected and we're really jiving I mean it's going to be like this times ten right in terms of answering your question I would say it depends on the person