 I'm spread, I'm spread like this, right? And you're laying here. Yes. And then I'm laying. Yeah, you're laying on your back. Okay. And then I'm like, I'm like pushing in like this. Oh. You know what I'm talking about? No? Yes. No, you don't. No, I don't. So two questions. Did watching a baby come out of my vagina change your relationship with my vagina? And two, does my vagina feel different after having a baby come out of it? Um, sex after pregnancy. Here is a little bit of what you need to know. First thing is first, there is no one size fits all rule as to when the right time is to get back into the swing of things. So you got to consult two people to get that answer. One, yourself and your body. And two, your healthcare provider who knows what kind of labor you had and thus what kind of recovery is best for you. But here's some basic things to know about what's going on in your body after you have just given birth. Number one, your estrogen levels plummet. For a lot of people, this can lead to mood disorders or it can lead to changes in the vagina like extra dryness or in some cases extra discomfort and less elasticity. So keep that in mind. You should also keep in mind that there's a lot of stuff coming out after you've given birth. Hey, you just housed a baby there for nine months. And now the unpacking process can take up to six weeks of time, which can make your discharge smell different, look different, have different consistency and have a lot more volume. And that's something to keep in mind because just like when it comes to period sex, there's a theory that because a woman's cervix is more open during menstruation that she is in essence more open and prone to infection. In addition to that, blood is a target rich environment. It's warm, it's wet, it's dense. So now is the time to be super sure that you are using protection, especially with new partners. Also, your PC muscles, your pelvic floor muscles may not be as strong as they used to. And this can lead to more painful sex and in some cases less pleasurable sex. Now you can help to build these muscles back up by doing exercises like I'm doing right now or just give yourself the benefit of time. This video is brought to you by Privacy. Privacy lets you buy things online using virtual card numbers. So you do not have to use your real ones protecting your identity and bank information. Right now, new customers get $5 towards their first purchase. So go to privacy.com slash Shambuni to sign up. We're talking about sex. After a baby. Okay, let's start with a replay of Jared's face. How has it been? I think it's been great. I think it's been, you know, we've making up for lost time. And, you know, we have the baby so that the only obstacle is trying to get it in when she's not needing tending. I'm really happy that I wanna have sex. Naturally, as I explained at the top of the video, a lot of people's sex drive does take a very big plummet during this time because of hormones and your body's changes and there's crazy stuff coming out of your uterus. So that all those things can kibosh sex drive. On top of that too, you're exhausted. There's a million things. So I anticipated that my sex drive would be extremely low. But I'm really happy to say that I- It has not been effective. No, no, not at all. Cause the last trimester of pregnancy sex was just not great for either of us and hard on me because I felt like I still wanted to feel desired. Yeah, you didn't feel that. Yeah, all through pregnancy and everything else, even though you're aware of the changes happening in your body, you don't feel that great. You still wanna feel sexual tension with your partner. And so not having that with you, especially considering it was such a foundational part of our relationship was really hard on me in ways that I didn't anticipate. Yeah, I'm sorry for that. No. Don't have to apologize. Why not? No, I shouldn't say that. Thank you for the apology, but thank you for your authenticity through that. It was fine. It was your experience and I appreciated that. I liked that we were able to manage it. But in experiencing that, there was this fear that even after I had the baby, one, I wouldn't want to anymore. Or number two, that same issue would persist. But I feel like it's exactly what I dreamt of. Like yesterday we had rough sex. And that was impossible. Yeah, yeah. You know, we couldn't do that before. Yeah, to have very tender, slow, precise. You know, one certain position that worked for both of us. And so I did feel like last night was a resurgence of lost time. It was just kind of like that raw, you know, whatever we're in, wherever we're at, let's just go, type of energy. And that's what I love about sex. And so I think even in the last video, I feel like I was misunderstood a lot because you asked the question of like... Is your sex drive lower right now? Or is your drive to have sex with me lower but your sex drive is the same? My sex drive is the same. But my drive to have sex with you is lower. So what are you doing about that? Masterbating. Really? Sometimes. Why don't you tell me? Why would I just come to you, but hey, I'm masturbating. I tell you when I masturbate, that's fine. Congratulations, you want a cookie? Yes. Yeah. Does that kill your... And so it got misconstrued into saying that like, but we don't have sex, which wasn't true. We were still having sex and we were just, I was just being honest and like, this is not the type of sex that I would like. I don't think it was misconstrued that we weren't having sex. It was misconstrued that you were not being sensitive to the fact that I couldn't have that kind of sex. Yeah. I think we were trying to figure out how to have the sex that we both wanted in the best way we can. It's just the reality of it was that we weren't able to have that adventurous sex that we used to have. So it kind of got, especially for nine months, or like seven months when you're actually showing. It was like, it got to a point where it was like the same type. And I know, for me, the greatest thing, the greatest thing that I love about sex is when we're able to go off script and do things that are not normal and to reinvent it. And I felt like when we were having sex, when we were pregnant, it just wasn't getting reinvented. It was just like the same type of sex. Let me ask the million dollar question. Does it feel different? So I had a vaginal birth. You watched the vaginal birth happen. So two questions. Did watching a baby come out of my vagina change your relationship with my vagina? And two, does my vagina feel different after having a baby come out of it? Short answer, no. Long answer is when you told me this before going into the labor. You were like, do you want to be there because I don't want your relationship with my vagina to be different? And so when you implanted that into my head, I thought it was gonna change. So the first time we had sex after you had the baby, I had it in my mind like, this is gonna be a different experience, but then it actually wasn't. And so that to me was, I wouldn't have been surprised, but I think the fact that you brought it up and I think it's something that all women think about. I don't think men think about it at that much. I've heard stories or maybe I've watched TV shows before where the man felt weird because now it becomes a birth canal of life, not like a canal of pleasure. Well, I think for me, I've always noticed that I have a weird extraordinary gift to be able to hold both truths. So yes, it is the birth canal of life, but it also was a pleasure canal first. So they both can be true and they both are existing. It's just that like, when I'm in the heat of the moment, it's not a birth canal of, you know, just life. It's me, it's pleasure. And that's what it is and it never is, nothing is crossing my mind other than the pleasure that we're having right then. So I guess I'm fortunate to not have experienced that because I've never felt that ever, you know, the whole time that every time we have sex, it never crossed my mind. It crossed my mind more when she was in your tummy. That's when it crossed my mind the most is when I saw that baby bump. And I'm like, she's in the room with us. This is weird, you know? So that's the only downfall. Let me ask you, what is, cause I'm, you know, I like to go negative, what is the worst part about post-partum sex? But first, can we show some love to the sponsor of this video, which is privacy.com. When it comes to the topics of sex and intimacy, privacy is always top of mind with privacy.com. You can keep your personal information private. Generate a new card number for each purchase, high transaction information, and merchant descriptions on your bank statements. Keep what you want for yourself to yourself. And the ability to generate new privacy card numbers at will means so much more peace of mind and ease for my fellow small business owners when it comes to sharing expenses. Now there's a whole lot more features I wanna talk about, but one that I'm obsessed with is the ability to control your subscriptions and reoccurring payments such you will never accidentally bill twice or upgrade to another service without your consent. You can do this by setting a spending limit for what you should be paying for that service each month. Now new customers to privacy get $5 towards their first purchase. So go to the infobox and click the link or go straight to privacy.com slash shampoo to claim your $5. I will sit at the worst part. There's new things that definitely happen. So there are changes. So one change I will note, I don't think I experienced it yesterday, but the first few times I got the sense of, is it in? Really? It wasn't like, I can explain it. It's like an insult on my penis size. No, it's not. I can explain it like this. It's almost like my vagina was shaped like this afterwards. Like I could feel it at the top, but at the base, like the, if you were just shallow, it's so it felt like, oh, is it, you know, I thought you could sense that too a little bit. No. Cause there was, I think I had to like rock in a certain motion for you to get into it. As if like there was a shallowness to it. I don't want to explain it. So I felt that maybe the first few times, then yes, I didn't, I didn't experience that, but I've been doing pelvic floor muscle exercises to regenerate that area. And so you, if you desire to. I thought for sure my dick was the size of a baby this whole time. Yeah. Close, close one nose cigar. Ryan, it was a big, big baby. Okay. And that's what it really is. But there was this like kind of sense of, of that a little bit. And then I don't know why, but now when I get aroused, now initially when I get aroused, I would experience a slight pain. It's almost like the skin was too tight for the area. Like I would get aroused and the blood would flow. And then there would be a tightness of the skin. And that was kind of slightly painful. And I, it would feel almost like let down of my milk. When my milk comes in, it fills up my boobs and my boobs kind of ache. So I felt let down of my vulva in many ways. And now it doesn't hurt anymore, but it actually provides more sensation and pleasure. You know what one thing I didn't notice about that's different now is you are wetter. That's fascinating. I don't know if there's any scientific proof or reasoning behind that, but yeah, you are a lot more wet. You know what's interesting is you're actually supposed to be more dry because you're progesterone, progesterone, bitch. You're progestin levels and you're estrogen levels, plummet, which can mimic menopause in many ways. So they actually remember, we now have lube beside the bed. And I was saying to you in the process in the beginning, we need to use lube during sex because even my doctor said that to make sure that in case there are any micro tears, I didn't tear during childbirth. So there wasn't like an extreme caution for that. But just in case, I'm like, we have to use lube and we did for the first few times. But I noticed the same as you, that the lubrication seemed fine. So I haven't been pushing it as much. Is it positive wetter or wetter, like I'm swimming into the oblivion? No, positive wetter. Okay, good. I enjoy it to be as wet as possible. Like, you know, I'm mental when it comes to sex. So that, and I don't know if it's true, it's probably not true. Cause I know that the woman's wetness does not signify the desire to sex. But to me, like it just kind of triggers my brain to be like, oh, she's into this right now and she wants this. But I know they have no correlation per se because, you know, there's people out there who really desire the pardon and they just can't get wet. It's kind of the same as thing with your erection, right? The faster you get hard, I do process that as like he really desires me. If it takes a while, I'm like, he's not really into it. But I know that's not true. But yeah, I guess that's kind of like the social conditioning of it. So I understand what you're saying by that. I will say something that was fascinating to me through this process, because it hasn't been all roses. I do feel, I did feel initially afterwards that there was like a lack of desire for me. And we talked about that. One, it's my sensitivity to, I talk about sex and love for a living and that's something that I have to, one, remind you and to remind myself because I put a lot of emphasis on sexual desire. I put a lot of emphasis on physicality, probably more than the average person does. So when I don't feel that constant connection with you in that way, it feels like rejection and I don't know, it makes me feel less feminine. I think what needs to be taken into account is, we had family, so I'm in hosting mode. Also, the baby's here. So there's very limited time for us to interact on a sexual level. And then on top of all of that, it's like, no one wants to do anything that they're not great at, right? And so it has been a thing in our relationship. You have brought it up multiple times. And so it just felt like I was being reinforced on what I was doing wrong, rather than like when I'm doing something right. And that's when we had that conversation. It was like, yo, if I do something that you do enjoy, like tell me that this is what you mean. This is what you want. This is what you like. Because I find that that has been a running theme in my relationships, not even just with you. And I have a really hard time with displaying affection. And it's something that I'm working through. I feel like I'm getting better at it, but it's something that I have gone through as a kid. I have a tough time expressing affection with my mom. I have a tough time expressing affection with my dad. And even with my brothers and siblings sometimes, it's something that I am aware of and I know I'm working on it and I need to fix it. But I think what I would love from you is encouragement on when I do it right, rather than pointing out when you're doing it wrong all the time. So that would help me. But I just feel like you have stepped it up and made an effort in that way. And I also have to acknowledge that you are trying. And then sometimes as well, to just being like, you know, just chill out, just because he didn't walk by and hug you for the past three times he walked by doesn't mean he doesn't think you're desirable anymore. And I think that that, anyways, all those things will sort of level out and also we're in a quarantine. So you don't get the same interaction with other people as well. Cause you flirt, I flirt all day long when I'm out there in the world. So there is a sense of that energy that gets passed around. But now that we're indoors and we just have each other and especially cause we've got a baby, you know, I'm not getting that exchange all day long. So I depend 100% on you for that feeling. And one, that can be overwhelming for you. And two, I have to be patient with the fact that the demand is getting higher. But what I wanted to originally say was through this experience of analyzing what it feels like to be desired and why that's so important to me, it's really helped me to reformat what foreplay is. Cause I talk about, we talk about foreplay a lot. And we talk about foreplay. You always get into debates this on your podcast, enjoy the podcast. And you're like, I like four hours of foreplay. And I like a day of foreplay. And people are like, what does that even mean? And to me, foreplay means I want to have sex with you. And the feeling of I want to have sex with you should not be exclusive to five minutes before we're about to have sex or even 20 minutes before. So foreplay is that moment in the day where we're at the park playing with the kids and you just look at me and you're like, your calves look amazing. That's foreplay. When I say I love foreplay, I love the feeling of being desired by somebody and getting little hints of that all day long. Yeah, no, that's just, I'm the same way. I love foreplay in that direction. I love foreplay that's, you know, not all the way sexual all the time. It's just kind of like in you windows and kind of like brushing across the butt and like, you know, things that are not gonna lead to direct sex, but build it up. I think it's important, especially if you are a new mom or there's some reason you're not having sex with your partner right now and you can't because a lot of new moms physically can't have sex. That doesn't mean you don't still want sexuality. It doesn't mean that you don't still want foreplay even if it leads nowhere. And I think that for those weeks that we weren't having sex, more of that would have helped in many ways. More of those little moments and exchanges. And oftentimes if you do get into a sexual lull that you just don't have a desire, those small exchanges, even if it takes six months or it takes weeks and weeks of doing that, that actually helps to open you up to the idea of full blown intimacy again. So I'm glad that we're having more of those exchanges. And I think again through this process, I really got to redefine what desire feels like, what I wanted to feel like. And it's something that I am aware of. Like I am more aware of it now. I think it's tough when you're locked in the house and you're in the pandemic and then also I'm dealing with a bunch of different other people that I'm having to tend to. It gets lost in that shuffle of like we're just living and we're moving. And then also when Ryu is somebody who I feel like needs constant attention. So it's hard to find that balance. But I think that we're starting to find it. I think that we're starting to move into that direction of like we're having consistent sex while also still being able to connect on an intimate level rather than just sexual. Cause nobody wants to feel like they're a partner's roommate. I don't want to feel that way. No, no, no. And it's a battle to not feel that way because we do life together. We do so many unsexy things together. You know, taxes and grocery shopping and home rental. Like there's a lot of unsensual activities that we do together. So finding moments of sensuality throughout that I think is a real relationship game changer. Yeah, I agree. And I think we're doing good. Do you know what makes me kind of sad? I feel like where do we take this series from here? Cause I love having these authentic sex questions. So we had sex during pregnancy and we had third trimester sex. And then now we have after pregnancy sex. So like, is there suggestions for ways that we can continue this conversation or do you have sex conversation? Do you want to see Jared and I have that we can do? Cause I like them. Yeah, I like them too. I like you. I like you. Where are they going to send it? Where are they going to send the questions? The comment section, where else? Lightning round of postpartum sex questions. That's not it. Okay. What's your favorite position? I like to be on my side so I can play with my clit while you're penetrating but doing like a slow forward motion like that. I like to be like almost my legs open and like pushing in with my hands. I don't know how to explain it. Maybe I could draw it so that you could see it. You're on your... Like I'm spread like this, right? And you're laying here. Yes. And then I'm laying. Yeah, you're laying on your back. Okay. And then I'm like pushing in like this. Oh. You know what I'm talking about? Yes. No, you don't. No, I don't. Imagine you're laying here, right? Imagine you're laying right here and then like we're on the bed. But is this how your legs are? No, no, my legs are open like this. Oh, okay, I understand. You know what I mean? Oh, and you're sitting up. And I'm sitting up and I'm hitting like this. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You don't know. I do know. Do you know? I know. All right. My sex face looks like... Concerned. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. What about this month? Like that, really focused. How do you achieve the biggest orgasm? Oh, yesterday. Really? That might've been my biggest orgasm. Yeah. I did a different technique. Did you? Yeah. What'd you do different? I don't know what spot it is because there's G-spot, right? And then there's a spot in the back. I don't know what the name of that is. Ah, the A-spot. The A-spot. You wouldn't... Yeah? Yeah, I was hitting the A-spot. Really? Yeah. The A-spot actually is, is right where the vagina ends and the cervix begins. And so around the cervix, you have something called the interior fornix. And fornix translates into Latin as an archway. So think of it like a beautiful archway that goes around like this. And it's got these really nice ridges you can get into that have a cluster of nerve endings there. There's actually so many nerve endings it's also referred to as the A-zone. Thank you for watching this video. Remember, go down to the info box and click that link to privacy.com slash shambudi. That way you can get $5 towards your first purchase using privacy.