 Good health to all from Rexall! It's the Phil Harris Alice Faye show presented by the makers of Rexall drug products and 10,000 independent Rexall family drugists. Good evening. This is your Rexall family drugist with a welcome from all 10,000 of us. The 10,000 independent drugists who have added the word Rexall to our own store names. You can always tell us but the orange and blue Rexall sign on our windows But our best identification is that we carry the 2,000 or more drug products made with the Rexall drug company Many of you are already faithful users of some of these famous products like Rexall aspirin for instance Here is the aspirin that by laboratory test disintegrates faster than any other leading brand tested Remember that the next time you need aspirin and remember also It's quality like that. We family druggist are talking about when we tell you You can depend on any drug product that bears the name Rexall Good health to all from Rexall And now your Rexall family druggist brings you the Phil Harris Alice Faye show Written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetley, Robert North, Janine Ruse and Whitfield Walter Sharpen his music yours truly Bill Foreman and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris Once a month Alice's brother William goes over the various investments that he's made for her today is the day for his report And as he explains Alice's financial holdings to her Phil sits by an open-mouthed amazement I don't quite understand this Willie explain it to me once more very well These are the dividends from your AT&T stock These are the collections from your apartment building all this is interest from your government bonds Phillip stopped ruling Getting Alice's money all wet Oh, oh forgive me Alice. I wouldn't want you running in and out of Safeway with a mess of soggy hundred dollar bill Oh They'll stop making up big things about my money I happen to have a few dollars invested if you had done that with the two hundred dollars you had last week You wouldn't have lost it. What are you talking about? I invested that money very wisely I stayed up a couple of nights figuring out all of the angles went over the whole proposition carefully Then how come you lost it? Well, how did I know the jockey was gonna fall off in the stretch? You invest in some good stocks or why don't you buy a little business? Yeah a little bitty little bitty little bitty It's a good way to lose your shirt buying into a business, and you don't know nothing about it Then go into something that you know about Yeah Yeah, that might be all right quiet now while I think of something I know all about There's Well, there's seems like a splendid opportunity to take on that I'll nudge you if he comes up with something. Oh get a load of Milton Burl and her mother Why don't you let me advise you on a business it because I don't want any advice from you on a business That's why I got plenty of intellectual friends to advise me like Frankie. I suppose. Well, what's wrong with Frankie's intellect? Nothing that a cut-rate brain surgeon couldn't correct with a dull knife and fork Leave Remly alone Remly's no dope That kid's got a good head on his shoulders and the one he carries under his arm ain't bad Oh Philip if you let Francis advise you you're making a big mistake why he's stupid he is not Just as smart as I am Let me tell you something Willie you'd be surprised at how much Frankie knows Why Frankie can take any bottle of patent medicine and tell you exactly how much alcohol is then There's a lot of other important things like that that he knows you'd be amazed don't I'll get that Hi, hi you Frankie. Curly Did you know that if you dissolve an aspirin in a gallon of rubbing alcohol and let it soak into your chest for two and a half Hours you can get a hangover without a headache Just been telling them about you that's what Yes, sir, you see Willie and me just had an argument Frankie. He said that you're stupid, but I defended you I said you're just as smart as I am Kind of a defense is that But Frankie really only said I'm stupid you got me in a moron You hurt my feelings Curly I Feel I'm smarter than you and if you're gonna go around saying all right all right all right Apologize all right. You're smarter than I am That's why I I want to ask your advice my advice by what well see Frankie I I Saved a little money up and and well Willie thinks that I should invest it in something but But well, I thought I'd talk to you first a wise move How much have you got to invest not so loud Remley I Don't want Alice to know about this, but I got 500 bucks stashed away Where have you got it? Tend to my undershirt I Really wants me to invest it in AT&T Well, that's a good stock, but hardly the thing for a man like you Curly don't like it. No, you need something more active I'd suggest you put your money into RSF BB Are SF BB yeah the Remleys slush fund for bucks and blind I It's a holding company Great oh remly will you stop with that ridiculous stick you pay dividends Oh Frankie I better put my money into something more substantial like some kind of kind of business maybe business Curly how would you like to finance my uncle Eddie the inventor he invented a household gadget on on on off I want to finance any inventors all back my own relatives see my uncle John is pretty good at that stuff, too What your uncle ever invented I'm glad you asked that He invented the greatest can opener. I've ever seen it's a combination pile driver and brush As a word like a charm Now you put a can of beans on the table press a button and the pile driver comes down and flattens the can What's the brush for to scrape the beans off the wall Let's see your uncle top that You think you can't my uncle invented a three dollar bill That's not milk it, huh? Look remlee. I want to invest a 500 and something that I know about and if you come up with an idea Then I'm gonna cut you in for part of it Okay Look curly. Why don't you invest in something that has to do with show business? Buy a part interest in a burlask house or a second-hand strip teaser How about a radio station or better yet something to do with television, that's it the strip teaser no Television why that television can't you see it? That's the greatest thing to hit show business. That's buttered popcorn Now I could invest in a small television station. That's what you want. I can help you Bill Zachary owns a small television station in the valley and I think I can get him to sell you some stock in it Oh, thanks Frankie. Can you sure? Well, listen you go over and talk to him and then hey wait a minute What's hold it man? What well, maybe you better take my 500 with you You see in case he agrees to sell I want to get in on it before he changes his mind. All right. Give me the dough Okay Close your eyes while I unfasten the pin Now that guy agrees to let me in on it good, but remember I don't want anything else but television No, you leave it to me. I'll see you a little later girl. All right so long. I gotta go in and tell Alice Oh boy, I can get in on the television deal. I'm all set. I'll show Alice. I'm just as smart as her stupid brother Hey, honey, I got news for you. I just made it. Oh Shucks, I'll have to wait. She's about to sing to her brother Willie You're the cream in my coffee You're the salt in my soup You will always be my necessity. I'd be lost without you You're the starch in my collar. You're the lace in my shoe You will always be my necessity. I'd be lost without you Oh You've heard each known way This way is my own way. You're the sale of my love vote. You're the captain and crew You will always be my necessity. I'd be lost without you We're not the poets. How about we know it? We've never been great When we speak of you We rave a bit. It's true I had to turn and just one your estimation What sugar does for tea That's what you do to me You give my favor Bring out each flavor So this is clear dear y'all are my worst You're the sale of my love vote. You're the captain and crew You will always be my necessity. I'd be lost without you Well, honey, look I got good news for you Alice. See I've decided to buy uh an interest and uh in a television station Oh Phil that's a wonderful investment. How many shares are you buying? Well, I don't know yet see I really don't know but I I gave my contact man the money and he's out closing the deal for me now Who's your contact man? Uh Franky No, no pounding your head against the wall You're making the pictures all crooked You should know better than to let Franky make any investment for you, but honey, this is legitimate Franky doesn't know anybody You're always falling for Franky's line and this time I'm gonna put a stop to it Well, I'm not you know what he's like always do you remember the time he bought you that leaky bone? Yeah, but I can time he bought you that Like this for four hours now lay off with you Keep telling you this time Remly's on the level explained to me that that that's him now come in Here I am Perley well lay that good news on me. I did it again. You are now in television. Oh boy You see your district attorney How many shares did you get me in that station kid? Well, I didn't exactly get your shares in the station, but I bought you something even better I bought you the biggest thing in television. Well, what did you buy me a? 260 pound Rassler Remly, how could you do something Alice stop that you're making the pictures crooked again? Sure great investment five hundred dollars for a raffle. I didn't pay five hundred. I got him for 250 Just think a 260 pound Rassler for two hundred and fifty That's less than a dollar a pound You got his contract for a whole year. You'll make a fortune Wrestlers and cowboys are the biggest things in television Remly. I don't want no Rassler. I Can buy you a cowboy, but they run a little higher They're $2 a pound and they insist on weighing in with their horses Wrestler looked like Well, I don't know where he looks like I haven't seen him yet But if we get down to the gym, we can see him now He's training for about tonight. Is any good. He's great to show you how much I think of him I bet two hundred and fifty dollars that he'll win the night. You did Hey, where'd you get the 250 that's your change from the five hundred Don't get excited The masked mangler cannot lose Mangler He wears a mask and a long cape Well with all that dough I got invested in him I better go down to that gym and take a look at the man I'll get my hat and go with Alice Now wait a minute, honey, you don't want to go down there. There's a lot of rough illiterate punch drunk guys around there You're not accustomed to such characters Go to your band rehearsals all the time True I Guess you'll be all right. Come on Look at him go, huh? Yeah, I love it down here. That's you. That's wonderful. Yeah Hey Remly a lot of rough characters in this gym sure glad I left Alice made her way to outside Oh, yeah, certainly a crude-looking group. I'm glad we don't have to associate with these low creatures Thank goodness our associates come from a higher strata of society. No, they are Frankie Oh Hey Rem who's the dad? He's my doctor He trains here for all his operation Hey curly look look at the guy in the ring with the mask on I must be our boy. Yeah Hey, look at the size of that guy. Yeah He's tremendous. Hey Remly. I think this time we got some Come on, let's go over and watch while he mixes with that other guy. Yeah Sounds like a great wrestler Remly you sure you didn't buy me a seal Grunt like that Hey curly look at the form on the mangler. He's got a great stranglehold on the other night. I don't like it I'm trying to tell you ain't doing it right. I better get him straight to hey you up there. Hey man Hey, break it up. Will you break a minute bud? What's the idea telling my boy to stop wrestling? What do you mean your boy? That's the mask mangler, ain't it? No, this is the hooded terror Oh, I'm sorry, mister. I thought I thought that was my Rassler see I just I just bought the mask mangler You bought the mask man The mask mangler The heck's he laughing about all I said was the mask mangler he gets hysterical must be a funny word like Cocker Spaniel or Brooklyn Well never mind him, let's go find our boy Hey mushy, where's the mask mangler? Right in that ring over there there, thanks I didn't know you spoke the language that well Well, come on curly, let's go over and see the mangler Look, yeah. Yeah, there he is right there. Hey Frankie. Look. Hey, he's taking his robe off But last we're gonna see what he looks like Hey curly get a load of that physique. I never saw a guy built like that before I never saw a guy built like that before either I've seen dames built like that but Oh Frankie the mangler's a woman well, there must be a mistake. It's better be I'm gonna find out Hey, hey lady, what do you want shorty? You mind telling me your name not at all they call me the masked mangler, but you can call me Myrtle She looks more like Clyde Hey Myrtle, what's your last name? Majersky. I Didn't know Bronco had a brother Say look lady. What's on your mind handsome? My name is Phil Harris, I'm your new owner. This promises to be a happy association Couldn't we just shake hands? Well if you insist shake Let go your bully, what are you trying to do? I'm sorry. Did it hurt your little hand? Oh, no, no I always carry my fingers around the little bunch like Look Merck, we got to have a little talk. You see I'm the guy taking you so long. What have you been doing Alice? Honey, I I want you to meet the masked mangler This is Well, this is a woman Isn't it? Yeah This is This is my wrestler No, you're heading against the rain post you want to lose my ropes What do you want to do get stupid or something? You'll have to get rid of her Phil. I've got a better idea Curly. Let's get rid of the blonde Happens to belong to me. Well now calm down. Tell you what we'll do sister. We'll settle this like ladies I'll rustle you for them They just like old times got two women fighting over me When you get in the ring with her throw an iron block on her and Bill I insist you get rid of this wrestler. He can't he got a year's contract with her Look Curly just because she's a woman don't mean she can't wrestle. Let's test her I'll get you a pair of trunks and you get in the ring Ain't getting a no ring with her you get in with her Curly I can't do that. I'm a man and she's a woman. It wouldn't be a fair match He's liable to kill me Alice if I can find a pair of trunks to fit you know Poor Curly married to a coward Well, nobody'll wrestler I guess I'll have to good boy Frankie. Hey Merck. You think you can handle him And climb up in the ring small fry Now what are you doing here Julius? Right up there the one in the tights This happens to be a female Come here son you the cutest little rascal are there will you Juliet we got something important to do All right, bram get started now. Don't hurt that little lady. I'll try to be gentle All right Murt I'm ready Come and get it Hey, she threw him right out of the ring. Terrific if she wrestles for us, we'll make a fortune with her Yeah, we're gonna need it to give me a decent burial There ain't a lot but I got my money I got 500 Mr. Nagursky Is this true? Yes, it is Curly. That's why I'm a manager soldier. I'm a contractor But I oh maybe it's just as well fell it cost you 500, but you're free other Well, I guess so All right, let's get out of here so long Murt. It's been nice knowing you Murt not so fast We got a contract. You're my master for a whole year Curly I like you boys and I'm sticking with you Shall we go home and don't you worry? I will cause you no trouble. I do everything I can for you fellers I think we can get enough meat to feed her All right, come on. Gee. What a day all this has tired me out. You're tired. What about me? I almost broke my back throwing me out of the ring You can barely walk I don't know if I'll be able to make it to the car and Murt'll put me down No, you've cost me 500 and I'm good to get something for my money. You're taking me home. Climb up here, Alice. You can drive Alice and Phil will be back in just a moment, but right now our rex all family druggers has a customer What's the name of that rex all anti acid you sold me a little while back? You must mean bismarex, ma'am Bismarex, that's it. I don't think I've ever found faster relief for acid indigestion That's because bismarex works like a team in a relay race like a relay race What on earth do you mean? Well the carefully balanced ingredients in bismarex vary in the time required for solubility So that each one works in sequence like a four-man relay race. I get it One ingredient starts in where the other leaves off. That's it The first man or ingredient promptly relieves the heartburn that comes from food fermentation in the stomach The next one races to neutralize hyper acidity The third one eases gastric distress and the finish man Leaves a soothing protective covering for irritated stomach membranes No wonder bismarex gives such fast relief. Well, ma'am that kind of quality applies to all of rex all's 2000 or more drug products And that's why 10,000 family druggers will tell you you can depend on any drug product that bears the name rex all Good health to all from rex all The things you get fail into now. We have a female wrestler living with us. Well, blame me. It's curly's fault He should have listened to my first suggestion invested in my uncle eddie the inventor Stop already with the uncle your uncle never invented nothing. He didn't 20 years ago. He discovered the greatest kitchen aid in the world This thing washes the dishes dries them scrubs the floor does the cooking That sounds like a great gadget. What does he call it? My aunt This program was produced and directed by paul phillips included in today's cast where martha wentworth and alan reed The part of frankie remley was played by elliot lewis And julius was played by walter tetley. Alice fey appeared through the courtesy of 20th century fox When you have increased susceptibility to coals due to lack of vitamins take plenamins rex all's famous multi vitamin capsules Two plenamin capsules a day give you more than the daily minimum requirements of every vitamin for what sits for which such requirements have been established Plus valuable concentrates of liver and iron Ask for plenamins at the store with the orange and blue rex all sign on the window And remember you can depend on any drug product that bears the name rex all Sam spade then ray maland on theater guild follow immediately on nbc