 Jane is bossy, and this irritates Linda to no end. When Jane insists on a quick trip to the local gathering spot for the group's lunch, Linda suggests going to the park, even though it isn't really what she wants. Does it really matter to either of them? If the group goes to the local gathering spot, will Jane have won something? Or will she have lost something if they go to the park? They both lose if the group breaks up, or they don't go out at all. The performance guide is, it's all about you. Performance does not come from meeting the expectations of others, or from defying them. These are things of process, things you probably should put into the black box and out of sight. Performance is about you and what you accomplish. And so when two of your friends seem intent on conflict, you ask the performance question. First you seek purpose, you ask, what is it that I will value? Then you seek to know the cost, you ask, what will you have to do to address the situation so you can gain that value? It is then that the value lessons take on new value. You can see where the value lies and it isn't having friends and enjoying their company. It isn't taking part in their doings and being appreciated for it. The value of being with friends does not arise from where you are. Questioning the best place to go is distraction. The very subject has arisen as distraction. It is something that needs to be put into a black box, that needs to be put out of sight where it can no longer distract. So what sort of actions can you, as a member of this group, take to best assure what you value? Taking part in their challenge and taking sides simply increases the conflict and division. Your value is in being with your friends. It is all about you. You are the one who has been developing the result-based approach. It is you who have been learning to see where the value is. It is you who recognize that this attempted conflict is an invitation to damaging actions. And there is the earlier lesson, no one wins a conflict. It is remembered as a way to see what you can do. Everyone loses something, for that is their very nature of conflict. Can you help the others see where the value really is? One direction might be to announce, either place is fine as long as both of you are there. The cost is a time and effort to realize what you value. And realize that it is probably what costs others value as well and to see a good way to approach it. The valued result is what will keep your friends intact in spite of their divisive efforts. Where what Jane and Linda were trying to do would reduce what the other group members receive, your identification of value is a service to everyone. Keeping focus on this potential requires discipline. You will not be a better friend to others by taking side in their arguments or by opposing enemies. For performance, you will be a better friend by helping them see where their value lies and helping them gain it. It is then that everyone gains. It is not that you will somehow help others in your group avoid damage, it is that your being effective serves everyone. And so you find yourself a teenager, a person who is rapidly growing into an adult that you will become. You will not be that much smarter than you are today nor will you develop impressive new potentials. The changes are more in terms of what you will value and the amount of experience you have available bolstered by that indirect experience of others, both observed directly and experienced as part of your education. Be assured that there is great effort being expended by those who would have you value what they value. And if they are only value it because they were taught the same lesson by others. Many would teach value in having common enemies and entering into conflict as a way to come together. Such lessons teach students to find value in what other people value. Value in conforming to acceptable behaviors. Value in accepting thought patterns. Value in accepting the right people as leaders and innovators. These are anti-performance directions. They would denigrate what you value as somehow of less important than what others value. Do you see it their need for raising conflict within you? Your wants and needs are going to go away. They are always and uniquely yours. If you build up other wants and needs, it is conflict within you. Conflict kills performance and limits what you can even accomplish.