 I'm not going to sugarcoat this. The new Scoob movie is a pile of dog shit. There are nine writing credits on IMDb for this film, nine. Nine people got it incredibly wrong. We haven't tried video on demand before. Troll's two world tour wasn't one the family was really interested in, although we didn't really mind the first one that much. And Scooby seemed like a surefire hit. You know you have a couple live action movies that are zany, they're bonkers, yet they're somehow watchable and fun. You have multiple TV series, the original being incredibly dated, but the newer versions being very impressive. One of them being cut short. I thought it was, I don't know when it came out. It was in the 2000s. Not to mention the timeless voices of Shaggy and Scooby and Fred and Velma and Daphne all sound completely different in this film. Except for Scooby of course by Frank Welker. Everybody else has been replaced. Will Forte is Scooby. Like he does a terrible impression Scoob. And I didn't get paid for that. He doesn't sound like Shaggy. Firstly there's the animation. While not impressive in the slightest, it's definitely not terrible. It's just basic. The whole thing's basic. The writing consists of pop culture references from the early 2000s to way back in the Hanna-Barbera era. If you were to ask any child under the age of 20, maybe even 30, who Captain Caveman is, you're gonna get a lot of blank stares. In fact, I bet only 5% of the kids watching these films know who any of these Hanna-Barbera characters are. It's one thing to throw out a casual ref here and there, but to have them like so front and center voiced by Tracy Morgan and just random comedians, it doesn't work at all. And the fact that they shoehorned them into a Scooby-Doo movie is even more insane. What was impressive about the shows is even though zany stuff would happen often and Scooby can kind of talk, there was still a level of realism to it. You know, the ghost almost always ended up being the dude or lady you met early on in the episode. It was never really ever a real natural phenomenon until the later shows. But even then it was grounded in some sort of normalcy. Now though, Shaggy's gonna thrown out of planes from like a million feet in the air and he's living. There's cavemen dudes running around. There's dinosaurs. There's superheroes, which we'll get into in a second here. I just don't even know what the hell I'm watching anymore. Film opens with a young Shaggy voiced by I assume a seven-year-old girl, because that's how his voice was. And I know boys have high voices, but this isn't even remotely close to Shaggy. And I don't even think he says, he says Zoinks maybe once in the film. Scooby gets introduced to him. He's just a stray dog who apparently doesn't have a name or an owner. That's just a mystery for another time I guess. And Shaggy befriends him right away because he has no other friends, which is I guess the only way you could ever be friends with a dog in this universe is you have the prerequisite is having no other friends. Shaggy concocts the name for this pup by looking at a bag of Scooby snacks and then just rhyming. There's absolutely no creativity. It took nine people to come up with this thing. Nine writers on this one. Scooby still has his normal voice though. Even though he looks like a cute little pup, he still has like a 60-year-old man's voice. It's very off-putting. It's unsettling. I hate everything about this film. I would rather watch the Emoji movie than this because at least the Emoji movie, there's no stakes. There's no expectation. I knew I was getting shit. I knew I was getting bottom of the barrel crap. With Scooby, I have some warmth to the characters. I like the history of the show. Emoji movie is so bad. It's fun to just laugh at how terrible it is. Scoob is so pathetically lame and so off the mark. I don't even know what to do with it. And the worst part is I bought it. I blind bought this piece of crap because Video on Demand gave you two options. It was either rent it for $20 or own it for I think 25. So like five bucks more and I'm thinking, eh, it's Scooby. How bad could it be? You know, the kids like it. The kids will like it. I don't know. I have like a Brooklyn accent while I'm doing this. Hey, forget about it. It's going to be great. It was terrible. Scooby do? Nah, more like Scooby don't. Scoob and Shag eventually meet up with the other kids. I think they're supposed to be like 12 or 13 at this point. And they go on their first adventure, which is an actual haunted house. And I thought to myself, okay, rough start, but the crew is here. We're going on a mystery. We have an adventure. And the ball's going to get rolling. Then we cut to this awful old school rendition of the song where we montage the characters in not even zany adventures, just doing like basic crap. And then we're caught up to where they're at today. And where they're at today is in a coffee shop with Simon Cowell from American Idol. Another thing kids probably don't even know anymore because Simon Cowell hasn't been relevant since he was on American Idol. As far as I'm concerned, no disrespect to the Simon Cowell stands out there. While Chef Ramsay was busy that day, what the hell is happening in this movie that they have a dedicated five minute sequence to Simon Cowell? And that's not the last time he shows up. How do you get a movie so off the mark? This was such an easy slam dunk. And I haven't even gotten to the bad stuff yet. This is just like, this is like the appetizer. I don't know what I'm doing with this. I'm like tickling Scoob's ball sack while he's on his back. This is clearly going to be a review for kids. Speaking of kids, do you remember Dick Dastardly? No, I barely do either. I know he was part of that racing show that wacky races. I think that's what it was called. That could be completely wrong. I don't know. It came out in like the 70s or the 80s. I just saw like reruns on FX or some crap. And it was okay for its time, but he's the bad guy. Dick Dastardly is the bad guy of this picture. After Scooby and Shaggy fight some robots in a bowling alley and get sucked up into a spaceship controlled by Captain Falcon, I think. And his assistant who's a thick black chick, who I have to say is probably the best part of the picture. They have her straddling this like robotic machine that controls the ship. And it's just like the animators were just all up in her grill for a lot of this film. It's like, Hey, what can we, I want to do a miss. I want to do a miss is incredible. But in this movie, we have to have our own version straddling a vehicle of sorts. And we can just, we can just really play off of it. And I was all in on that. That's the only thing I liked. The theme of the picture is man's best friend, I think, because, you know, Shaggy's got Scooby, Captain Falcon's got his robotic dog that can extend its neck. And it's kind of weird. And then Dastardly is looking for his dog who he, he threw in a gold mine and he's trying to get it out. The plot is so convoluted by the time we get to the ending. I don't even know what the hell's going on. I can't make heads or tails of any of it. I should point out not every episode of Scooby-Doo was, you know, this mystery scary thing, just like 99% of them were 99% of them were the teens getting in the mystery van, drive into a spooky mansion or a spooky, you know, restaurant or a spooky is something is a spooky was always in there somewhere. Not here though. There's no, there's no thrills. There's no scares. There's no real intrigue or mystery. It's just garbage. It's just pure uncut, unfiltered trash, which I own. I own this film. It's in my catalog now. I have to live with that. Ultra HD, Ultra H Dick, Dastardly. I didn't see Trolls 2 World Tour and I already know that's a better film. And I thought that looked terrible. Nothing hits the mark at all. The animation is really bizarre. The mouths don't really move. They're not expressive enough. Almost a clay-like waxiness to the characters that just feel stilted and disjointed. And it's definitely not up to snuff with things you see now. Like, I mean, I go back and look at Onward now and I think, holy crap, you compare these two films. Onward is just citizen cane level. And I thought Onward was just fine. There's a moment where we play off the fact that Scooby cannot pronounce his D's. And since Dick Dastardly has D's in the name, well, that leads to some fun. That leads to some hilarity because Scooby can't pronounce Dick. And Dick gets furious about this. And so he keeps yelling at him to pronounce it correctly and does a triple take to the camera, to the families watching, saying, it's Dick. Dick. Dick. Not really played for laughs, though. Just kind of like, matter of factly stating. And I'm just saying, how tone deaf is this thing? Who thought this was a good idea? Why is there a superhero in this with a super dog robot that has technology far beyond anything we can imagine, yet he can't stop this dude? Like, he makes a car later. They just build it out of nothing. I guess if we want to say there's a mystery, it's that Scooby has some background origin related to a Greek mythology involving a man and his dog. And they have this unpenetrable friendship that they've culminated over time. And they've built up a golden vault of sorts that can only be unlocked by collecting three giant dog skulls, which reveal this hidden temple containing a actual three headed dog that has a term. But I forgot the name of the creature. You can tell me in the comments, even though I could just Google it, but I'm not going to because it really doesn't matter at all. Which after he opens it, he's like, oh, I made a huge mistake, like instantly dig dastardly just backs off of what he did. And if it was a competent good movie, there there's some sweetness to the fact that he was doing this to get his dog back after stranding him there for multiple years. How the dog was able to survive in a world that has seemingly no food, but just a giant Scrooge McDuck money bin. I don't know. Maybe he was eating the gold coins. Maybe that somehow gave him sustenance. Nothing matters. This is also nitpicky. But there's a scene earlier where dick dastardly dick, his name is dick, dick, dastardly creates a portal. And he pushes the dog. I forgot the dog's name too. Once again, Hannah Barbera, something stupid, I don't know, not disrespecting Hannah Barbera, disrespecting this film for making me watch it and forcing these characters in it. It's the Hannah Barbera verse, you know, kind of like the monster verse and the MCU and the DCU and all this, all this trash. They just, they just force it. Anyway, he pushes him into the money bin planet or dimension, whatever you want to call it. But first, the dog tests it by putting his hand in and his hand actually goes through the portal and then he pulls it back out and he's like, oh, okay, I can, it's a two way mirror sort of thing. I can go in and out. And so then he goes all the way in and he can't get out. So some reason the force field turns on when he's fully in. It just knows that. It made no sense to me. That bothered me, that that's one of the many things that bothered me. This was a long walk to get to a very minor complaint about a film that has so much worse. So to quickly recap, I don't think there's an original score in this. And if there is, it's very low key. Instead we have a menagerie of pop culture songs, including bombs over Baghdad, I believe at one point is thrown in just willy nilly in a scene. Animation is maybe one step higher than PJ Masks or Spirit on Netflix. One of the tests I like to do to see how bad the writing is is have my literally count, how many times the word literally is used in the in the film. This one goes up to three. Three times the word literally is used because nothing screams intelligent, like using not only the word literally, but using it incorrectly, but just using it at all these days, I think is a crutch. And it should be burned to the ground. The only thing I think I'll give you props for is no fart or burp jokes. But that's also because Scooby and Chagy really don't eat much of anything. This was our first at home movie in theaters type purchase, you know, the family and I, we watch a lot of older movies that we've seen many times or just introduce the kids to new stuff. But this was the first like, Hey, we're actually saving some money might not go into the theaters and you know, putting down eight bucks a ticket and getting popcorn, all that we make popcorn at home, do that thing. And my wife and daughter left the couch about a half hour in, they couldn't do it anymore. My son proceeded to complain watching the movie for the final 45 minutes. And I made us power through it so that I could complain to you because I bought this and God damn it, I'm going to finish it. I have to. And I can only hope that this review at least gets me a couple, a couple bucks back. That's the end game here now. The end game is to is to at least recoup some of the investment, the poor investment that I made. So share the video, like the video if you did, subscribe to the channel if you must. And you know, I'll keep being honest with you, I'll keep being real. The Peanuts movie is an example of doing it correctly. And unfortunately, not enough people went out and saw that it's a really good film. I highly suggest you watch it. It does a wonderful job of paying respects to the old comic strip and the old movies while being something for the new generation without having to shoehorn in, you know, like a woody woodpecker cameo or something like that. I know they're not part of the same thing, but I think you get what I'm saying. Scoob is everything I hate about modern movies and nothing that I like. All right, we'll talk to you later.