 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, this pain gets him addicted to you. Wait till you hear about this pain. All right, really quickly, if you're brand new to my YouTube channel, please hit that subscribe button, hit the bell if you're so you can be notified of new videos. And if any time during this video, the content resonates with you, please hit that like button so I can be seen in the YouTube algorithms. Really quickly, my coaching is what I call heart-centered radical honesty. It's direct, a little tough love and a lot of heart. And occasionally I use expletives to enhance a sentence. So if an F-bomb or two is in your cup of tea, I suggest logging off right now. Lastly, these are my thoughts, my perceptions, my opinions. By no means do I suggest this is the truth. You have to decide the truth for yourself. I'm a bit of a contrarian, so my advice goes contrary to public opinion, and traditional expectations. All right, let's dive into the kind of pain that makes a guy addicted to you. You know, there is this belief that this pain, the fear of a man losing you will cause him to come up and claim you if he feels like he's going to lose you. This is a narrative I hear over and over and over again by many of my contemporaries. And I think this was brought on by the book, The Rules, which basically talks about playing hard to get, to pander to his fear of losing you. And if there's this fear of losing you, he's going to step up to be in relationship. And I've heard some wacky things like you shouldn't contact a guy for five days and make sure you don't post anything on his social media account so he doesn't know what's going on in your life. And that will create all kinds of anxiety for him and he's going to just want to come up and claim you because he's got this fear of losing you, this pain of losing you. I've even heard from one dating coach that suggests to women that they should create conflict even before a first date. Let me repeat that, to create conflict before a first date, like actually canceling at the last minute just to see how the guy responds to conflict. And well, I could see the merits of that on one level just to see how someone, but to do something intentionally, to intentionally not contact someone for days, to intentionally not post things on your social media and to intentionally play hard to get, what's the real benefit of doing that? Because if you're doing it from an intentional place, if you're intentionally trying to create some anxiety, trying to create some fear, some pain in this man, how can he ever really trust you? And I want you to think about it. Let's just put this in reverse for a second. How do you ladies feel when a man disappears for five days? How does that feel? You get, become anxious. You start oftentimes chasing someone. And that's, and you almost act in a desperate place. Do you really want a man to come back to you out of a place of desperation? Is that what you really want? I hope to God that's not what you want. I really hope to God because that's not what's going to create long lasting love. All of this game playing rhetoric you hear over and over again isn't going to create long lasting love because ultimately there is a pain that will actually create more connection with them. However, what I really wanna stress in this moment is how to avoid playing the games. How to avoid to, so you don't even have to play any of these games. How can you get to a place with a man that you don't have to play these stupid games to actually get him to really wanna be in a relationship with you? Well, I think it's really important to understand the, it's really important to understand the importance of developing the friendship early on in the dating process to develop the friendship because friendship builds trust. I'm gonna repeat that friendship builds trust and the problem to date is most people are spending more time on their phones texting and communicating over their phone instead of actually doing things together to build the friendship. But Jonathan, I'm in a long distance situation. Well, let me tell you something. All of that cumulative time on the telephone isn't really building trust. It's not building real intimacy because it's not a real relationship and it's not real friendship. It's a cyber friendship. It's an internet friendship. It's a virtual friendship. It's a electronic friendship, but it's not a friendship of actually being there for one another. And that's where trust comes by building the actual friendship in the relationship. And I'm talking about all the long lines of also being physically intimate with some, well, let me reframe that, rewind. Physically intimate, meaning I'm just talking about kissing. I'm not talking about penis and the vagina yet. I'll get to that in a second. So how do you avoid even getting to a point where you have to play these games where you have to make a man feel pain to actually wanna be with you? Well, then it's gonna require doing social activities, hobbies, mutual interests together, spending time with family and friends. That's how you build the deeper roots of trust in a relationship. The deep roots of trust isn't built because the two of you like sushi and the two of you like stand up paddle board and the two of you like the Rolling Stones. That's not going to build trust. That certainly feels familiar when they like the same things, but what's gonna cause building trust? It's actually doing things together. And yet sadly, people today spend so little time doing things together. And worse, you're meeting total strangers today. You're meeting total strangers. This is why you're buying into a lot of this bullshit advice because the bottom line is this. If you play the no contact game for five days, here's the thing. If he's just not that into you, he's already moved on. If you're kind of a, or maybe even if you're a maybe to him or maybe you're a conquest to him, men that are in their egoic state, they're okay playing the games because you're just simply a conquest to them. The real men who want a fully committed relationship. And I gotta tell you, this is becoming fewer and far between for men because ladies, you've made it so easy to have sex with you. You've made it so easier. The barrier to entry is almost a couple dates and the guy can easily get in bed with you. And by the way, if you're in a long distance situation, it's, I mean, a guy could talk to you for months and he's almost guaranteed to get laid when he meets you. This is why I repeatedly say over and over again before the penis goes inside the vagina, read the book, eight dates by doctors, John and Julie Gottman. This is, it's so important to understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And many of you ladies are effing clueless out there because most humans operate from a place of ego when it comes to shopping for a mate and not from a place of your heart. And if you really want to connect with your heart because this is what love would do and this is how love would respond is I highly recommend checking out my book What the heck is self-love anyway? By the way, there's a link below to get all the books I recommend. This is a journey of personal development, self-help and spiritual work. So you can actually start leaning into a more compassionate way of approaching the process instead of this insane way with all these stupid rules. And please understand the online dating world is so, it's a shit show. It's become so bastardized and yet people are still meeting this way. So, but it's gonna require a lot more intentionality in the process and ladies, you oftentimes just give your power away to men. You are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, not a guy. So I'm inviting you to be more intentional in the process and not leave it up to the man because here's the thing, all this game playing isn't going to work. It's gonna require actually building the roots, building the threads together, the roots to deeper trust. And I'm here to say, if you wanna make that happen, listen, you better hold out having sex and you better start in, not insisting, but recommending that you do shit together and that's better served when you two live near each other because the farther apart you are, the greater chance of relationship mishap. So how are you going to avoid this? Build the friendship. You know, when you build the friendship, you don't need to use pain to actually get a man addicted to you. So I said in this broadcast, what's the pain that's gonna make a man addicted to you? What's the pain he has to experience? Well, let me tell you, it's the pain of fucking growing up. That's right. Men and women alike need to fucking grow up. You're acting like a bunch of children out there, spoiled little brats dating. I know some of you don't feel that way, but a lot of men as well as women because you're riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that makes it very difficult for you to lean into a healthy, happy relationship. If you operate from a place of believing chemistry equals relationship success. And if you're not familiar with my relationship iceberg chart, most of you focus on what's above the waterline, that's chemistry. And you're not focused on what's below the line and that's shared values, blendable lifestyles and emotional maturity. And let me just tell you something. It's a shit show out there when it comes to emotional maturity and relationship skills. Roughly 20% of the, by the way, this isn't a fact, this is an opinion. Roughly 20% of the population has clinical issues that makes it difficult for them to lean into a relationship. And while I state 20% are emotionally healthier at good skills, I'm being generous because the vast majority of humans are dysfunctional. So now that you understand this, now that you understand what you're dealing with, let me tell you the pain that's gonna actually make a man addicted to you. And that is you, the pain of him being outside of his comfort zone, the pain of growing up. Okay. And for him to get outside of his comfort zone, I wanna recommend what I just shared a moment ago. Ladies, before the penis ever gets to go inside the vagina, you purchase two copies of this book. And if you don't, you don't have to purchase two, you purchase one and you say, look, buddy, if you really wanna explore a relationship with me, then we're gonna read this book together before you get to have sex with me. And if he's attracted to you and he likes you and you guys have potential, he'll do it. It'll be uncomfortable for him, but he'll do it. And let me tell you something. I'm getting email after email after email from women continually telling me how this is working for them. I'm getting men emailing me thanking me for this. I'm actually having clients having me talk to their guys that they're dating because this is a valuable tool and it's gonna be uncomfortable for some men. They are not used to talking about their feelings. But if you really wanna make a man addicted to you, it's time to get him to tap into his heart. Not his heart on, his heart on. I'm gonna repeat that, not his heart on, his heart on. Because look, you don't have time to fuck around. And yes, there are a lot of looky-loos out there. There are a lot of dysfunctional people out there. And ladies, you are no picnic either. Let me just say this, you're no picnic either. But it's gonna require radically doing things different because it's progressively getting to be a, it's not only a shit show now, it's progressively getting worse. And I gotta tell you, it's because of these devices that's making it almost impossible to actually connect with someone at a heart-centered level. If you wanna read an amazing book, throw out all the bullshit gender rhetoric. I gotta lean back to my feminine, let him claim me. Throw out that bullshit gender rhetoric and read the book if the Buddha dated, if the Buddha dated because this is a deep dive into throwing out all the gender rhetoric and say, how can we connect with each other at a heart-centered level? How can we connect at a heart-centered level? And not everybody is capable of it. Quite frankly, the vast majority of people aren't. But I'm gonna invite you to do this. You do the work of yourself. And then you become a magnetic attractor for those men who are ready to meet you where you're at. They don't even have to experience pain to be addicted to you. They're gonna already go, you know what, I'm okay with going outside of my comfort zone and do this work because that makes sense. And yes, it's a small percentage of the population. By the way, those were prayer hands. I'm making a prayer for you. There's a small percentage of the population, but here's the bottom line. What's the definition of insanity? Doing the same things over and over again, expecting different results. And the last thing you wanna do is play games like hard to get, no contact or worse grading conflict, because those are temporary solutions to what's more important is the bigger problem. And that is the vast majority of humans are riddled with childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that makes it difficult for them to lean into a relationship. This is why I highly recommend reading the book, The Hoffman Process. The Hoffman Process. This is a deep dive into healing this shit. A deep dive into healing this shit. Because you know what? If you haven't done the inner work to be prepared for a relationship, if you don't actually have good communication skills, and I know ladies just because you can vomit your emotions doesn't mean you have good communication skills. I can tell you women are just as bad at communication skills as men. This is why you may wanna read the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. And this should have been called Compassionate Communication. And then there's another book I've been recommending lately. I hear you, the surprisingly simple skills for extraordinary relationships. If you haven't studied this stuff then you are most likely not prepared to be in a juicy, delicious, happy relationship. You guys can all have mediocre dysfunctional relationships all your life. I gotta tell you, I get call after call after call from women. I just had one today. I can't believe the crumbs she accepted. I can't believe what she experienced. I can't believe her own actions. And it just tells me, folks, it is a shit show out there. Now, am I an alarmist? I hope to God not. I hope I'm not an alarmist. I hope I'm a realist. And inviting you to do the inner work so you know what, no matter what happens, whether you're with the guy or not, you're feeling good about yourself. And ladies, you gotta stop giving your power away to man. And what I mean is when you make it all about the guy and not about you, not about what you want, but about your own well-being. When you make it about him and how you're hoping he changes and he changes and he changes. Do you know most couples therapists when two couples come into a therapy session, they usually operate like this. Couples are maybe holding hand in hand. Maybe they're not. They're pointing to the therapist saying, fix my partner and the other person saying, fix my partner. You gotta fix yourself. You gotta work on yourself because none of this game-playing rhetoric works in the long run if you're a dysfunctional human being. So start with yourself and guess what will happen. You will actually become a magnetic attractor for potentially a great guy in your life. And that's my invitation for you. Is this thinking in as this resonating? Please let me know by hitting that like button. Please let me know by saying amen in the comments there. What's the pain the man has to experience? The uncomfortableness of your setting standards by making him do a little bit of work before he gets into your pants. So let me tell you something. If you two do the work together and you have fucking kick-ass sex together, woo-hoo, you'll be addicted to each other. Or at least you have a good chance at that. All right, that's my story and I'm sticking to it. All right. I think that covers the topic portion of our conversation today. Now we're gonna get into the Q and A. Those very familiar with my Q and A, write the word question, post the question there after, or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat. All the monies from the super sticker, super chat, goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's him right there. That's my son who passed away. God, it's coming on four years now. I fucking can't believe it. And all the monies go to a charity fund to donate to the Hoffman process, to insight seminars and help defray the cost of personal development for those that are seeking help. So again, write the question and post the question there after. And if you're listening to the audio portion of it, you won't be able to see any of those. Before I take the first question, I had a lot of people comment to me and asking because I did a live stream last week, asked me how my spiritual journey went this weekend. And I thought I'd share this with you because it might give you some insight into male behavior as well. So for those that don't know, I'm a psychonaut. I use psychedelics to basically enhance the experience of getting into a deep meditative state. I do it with a shaman. Usually it was a group of people. Actually, I had a friend with me this time. It's very contained. It's a very sacred space. It's very safe. I know a lot of people are worried about my health. It's a very, this has been, cultures have been doing this for thousands of years. The American Indians did it and Peru or do it in Peru and a lot of South American countries. This is rather safe. Hell of a lot safer and a lot of shit that we buy over the counter. And let's not get into processed food and pharmaceuticals that have killed more people than doing psychedelics. But what happened on my journey, I asked the medicine what message do you have for me? And I also asked to connect with my little kid. And what was fascinating to me is I connected to my little kid but how he perceived the world as being a provider protector. And I had some amazing epiphanies because when I, and so this centers around what money means to a relationship. In fact, I have a video coming out in a few days about this money and relationships. But what many means in a relationship, and I remember when my father was going through, I was probably 10 years old give or take and my father was going through some financial struggles. And my mother who was a homemaker went back to work. She was a seamstress and she went back to work to help the family. So one of my first impressions around money was centered around my mom was a teammate in the relationship. And interestingly enough, when I got married, I met a woman and we were both kind of teammates in the relationship. But I remembered my father kind of losing his job or there was a shift in his job. I don't remember exactly what happened but it left a scar for me. It left a trauma for me to witness what he was going through emotionally. And then, and my wife in the beginning was a teammate until we got divorced. And then it became a war, the war of the roses. I mean, it was like all about how can we, there was this, it felt like an extortion centered around money. So I had a huge trauma around money in relationship and what that meant to being a provider protector because my whole role was to be a provider protector. And then I felt like it was all being ripped apart from me not only losing my job at the same time. So there was a lot of belief systems that have permeated over the years and percolated which has caused a very kind of fucked up way of looking at being a provider protector and how money is used in a relationship from my perspective. So a lot of my advice, I want you to know comes from this dysfunctional way of viewing things. And I know that traditional expectation is many provider protectors and they pay for all the dates and there's the biological aspect or the instinctual aspect but I will tell you trauma can override all of this. And I was literally sitting there going, I have all these old scripts that make up who I am and the medicine basically said to me, it's time to write a new script for yourself. It's time to write your own script. And while I haven't written that yet of what it means to be a provider protector what it means to be a man in a relationship. I throw out all the bullshit gender rhetoric. I throw out all the traditional expectations because I'm gonna write my own script on what it means to be a man to me because I've had people call me a feminine. I've had people call me, I mean, they've called me gay and stuff like that just because I know how to express my emotions. They say I'm mostly my feminine energy. Fucking nobody who, everybody who knows me personally knows doesn't buy into any of the bullshit that people that look at me on the outside buy into but it still affects me at times. And I have to remember that I'm a solid human being I am not defined by my gender per se. I am defined by my character, my kindness, my compassion and my commitment to be of service to you all. That's what defines me and not my character or my gender I should say. And that's just a little bit of the script I'm gonna be rewriting for myself. So I wanted to share with everybody who asked about that that's what happened on my psychedelic journey this past weekend. All right, I see we have some questions that came in. Oh, Heather writes in. Oh, by the way, thank you for the super sticker of $5. I appreciate that. She said, in regards to women being the breaks is it okay to let off the brakes sooner when dating someone who is not a stranger but a friend? Look it, you know, I'm not a Puritan but I feel as though it's important to draw. And by the way, ladies when I got divorced I can't begin to tell you how easy it was to have sex with women. I mean, basically maybe I'm charming or whatnot but I said all the right words and it was easy. It was so easy. And then I did the dysfunctional moonwalk basically saying how, by the way, I call it the dysfunctional moonwalk is when a guy comes on strong, comes on strong has sex with you and then all of a sudden his life is in dysfunction and he wants you to break up with him. That's called the dysfunctional moonwalk, okay? When we start just vomiting all our problems so you basically go, oh, go heal yourself. Instead of me saying I need to go heal myself I would get it from the woman to say that. That's the dysfunctional moonwalk. So here's the thing about sex. Look it, I've known people have had sex on the first date and happily married. I've known people have sex on the third date become happily married. I know a lot more people have had sex on the first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, 10th date. I know a lot more people that none of those people are in a relationship and many of those women have had multiple situations like that. So here's the bottom line. You don't take the breaks off until trust is built. And that's a hard thing to do. It takes about a hundred hours of face to face time just to build the first layer of trust. I repeat that a hundred hours of face to face time which Ethan, I'm in a long distance relationship we can't do that. Well, guess what? Barely any trust is built over the telephone. Barely any trust is built over the telephone. A lot of familiarity is built over the telephone. A lot of familiarity, a lot of familiarity. But trust happens through the storms. That's where trust is built through the storms not through the telephone. So let up the breaks when you feel like you can actually trust this person. And trust isn't about fidelity. Trust means trust is, does this person have my best interests of heart? And by the way, I don't know how many guys will say things like, oh, I promise I'll always be your friend. Oh, I promise this and all promises only happen when you can look back and connect the dots, not upfront. You can't make a promise and it go forward. A promise of being your friend, a promise to be there for you is only when you can look backward. So until you can actually look and say this person's really got my back through actual actions over a period of time and not words, you make the choice for yourself. And by the way, make any guy who reads this book with you has a better chance of going the distance than most guys that say it, words, words, words, words, words, words. If you love me, show me. So Heather, thank you so much for that. I really appreciate it. All right. I saw another question that came up earlier. Let's find it. Let's go swim. Oh, speaking of let's go swimming. Look what I got in the mail today. Just keep swimming. Dory. Thank you, whoever sent that to me. There was no name. I wanna thank you so much. All right, we're gonna go through here. I saw a question that came in very early. Claribel, if I said it right. Question, is it possible someone fall in love within a week? He feels so connected to me and saying he loves me. So I have a simple question for you. If you were going through chemotherapy right now for the next 30 days, would he be at the hospital bed by your side wiping the vomit from your face? If the answer is yes, then he loves you. But if he's not, but and I know you can't test this, but sweetheart, excuse my term of endearment. You can't be in love with someone a week. You can feel lust or limerence. Look up the word limerence, extreme infatuation. Look up lust. Lust means I wanna fuck you. That's what lust is. I wanna fuck you. And limerence is, is I'm extremely infatuated. Yes, any person can feel that within nanosecond of meaning someone. Oh my God, if I told you how many times I've lusted over women or how many times, by the way, do you know 70, they did a study in England and at a college and asked a hundred men went to a hundred women and said, would you like to go on a first date with me? Question number one, would you like to go back to my dorm room number two, or would you like to have sex with me? 50% of the women would say yes to a first date. Smaller percentage even went back to the room and zero said sex. Now they did the reverse for men. And here's what happened. 50% of the men say they would have go on a first date. 65 said they would go back to the person's room and 75% of the men would have sex with the woman right there in that moment. Do you see the difference between men and women? We'll have sex with you a stranger. We will have sex with the total stranger. Women are less likely to do that. So coming back to your question about true love, it's not love until he can be there for you through the storms. It's not love until he can wipe the vomit from your face if you're going through chemotherapy. Does this visualization sink in ladies because you buy into this bullshit narrative? Men use fantasy to get you in bed and you have the fantasy that once you're in bed with a guy, he's serious, it's not true most of the time. There's always the exception to the rule. I can't generalize, I get it, but that's most of the time. Ladies, you are, men are the gas, you're the brakes. By the way, right now, if I can encourage all women, fucking put a chassis belt on. By the way, if you really want to get men to shape up, every woman on the planet for the next three months wears a chassis belt and you're going to see a whole, by the way, I know it sounds Puritan, but there was a real value to waiting for commitment to have sex. And now we're in a hookup culture. I mean, it's sad. And I talk to millennials and I talk to Gen Zs and they're all just hooking up with one another. It's gonna, for those of us baby boomers, Gen Xers, our children are fucked. That's how bad it's getting out there. I want you to be different. I want you to stand in your power. I want you to be intentional. I want you to start using radical honesty. I want you to start hardballing guys because this current methodology is so working in men's favor to get laid. And it's so easy. 75% of men will have sex with a stranger. I'm yelling because I'm yelling like you're all about to touch fire. And look at, I'm your big brother. If I could be there for you on a first date, I'd have the shotgun pointed that the guys face and say, what are your intentions with my little sister? But you have to do that for yourself because I can't be there. Although I will tell you, I have a client. I just got a client who sent me pictures of her and her new boyfriend. I wanna show this because she gave me permission. There she is. Isn't she sweet? And I gotta tell you something. Before she met him, I got on the phone with her. Then the first guy she met to vet him. That's part of my service. If you want me to talk to the guy, if you're a client of mine, I'll talk to the guy you're dating and say, what are your fucking? No, I don't do it this way. I do it in a very conversational way. What are your intentions? I get to, by the way, I love this. My clients are all asking me to do this. By the way, if you'd like to work with me, check out the link to a free discovery call to see if working with a coach is right for you. The link is in the description below. All right, let's start taking a few more questions. Let's go swimming. Oh, here's one. Let's see. Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. Jay Wortman says, Jonathan, remember, it's not what people call you. It's what you answer to that counts. I came from a generation of psilocybins. I totally understand you. Don't worry what others think. I'm a psychonaut, so thank you so much. I appreciate that. Sandra says, yes, money video. By the way, that's coming out on Sunday, so be on the lookout for that. Okay. Lynn says, question. If someone puts his info such as a big home, car vacation, home ranch, car on their profile, is that a red flag? I don't care about that stuff. You know, it's interesting. The Tinder swindler did that. Private jets and all this fancy stuff. Look it, there's, well, let's be, let me just be candid with you about something. By the way, Google the term hypergamy, hypergamy. This is where women seek men of higher status, high status men. So for men, it actually plays in their favor to show their status if they have, especially if they have a net worth of, if they have a net worth of over a million dollars and make an income of over a quarter of a million dollars a year, because roughly the average, I think 75% of Americans have less than a three quarter million dollar in their net worth. In fact, I believe, no, let me backtrack. The 75% of Americans barely have three months savings in the bank to cover them if they lost their job. So by a man setting his status up above the average, he's more attractive to women who believe in hype, not believe, that operate from hypergamy, hypergamy. Okay? And it is a very instinctual thing for a woman to seek the man with the biggest cave, you know, the biggest bank account. I'm not saying every woman operates that way, but it's very instinctual. So it plays to men's favor to do that. I know you don't like it, but just like women who show their boobs in every profile picture, oh my God, women show off their body, men show off their money. It's just, I'm not saying it's right. I'm just saying that's the way it is because we have an egoic population of materialistic people that are driven by their selfish egoic needs and not from a heart-centered place. So yes, that's why it happens, Lynn. I'm not saying it's right or wrong, that's just why it happens. All right, bump, bump, bump. Oh, Jackie says, I ordered the book. I ordered your book in the Hoffman process. Way to go Jackie, great book. By the way, the Hoffman process is an intense book. It's a fucking intense book. It's gonna kick you on your ass. By the way, just the questionnaire to go to the Hoffman process takes 12 hours to complete. 12 hours just to complete their questionnaire to go to their live retreat for eight days. So it's intense. All right, let's just keep swimming. All right. Hey, purchase a Super Stick or Super Chat or give me a thumbs up if this content's resonating with you. All right, Phoenix writes, are men willing to date and accept women who have low self-esteem or low self-esteem, a barrier to a relationship? What books do you recommend to overcome low self-esteem? What books do I recommend to overcome low self-esteem? Everybody sit tight for a second. Everybody sit tight for a second. A second, a second, I don't know. Okay. The first person that came into my mind was Brene Brown, Brene Brown. And I highly recommend checking out the book, The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown. Let go of who you think you are supposed to be and embrace who you are. And then I recommend leaning into her other book, Daring Greatly, Daring Greatly. How the courage to be vulnerable transforms the way you live, love and parent and lead. Daring Greatly, two great books I highly recommend. Along with the Hoffman process. So that's a great question. Thank you so much. Definitely do both those books. I highly recommend it. Beanex, I appreciate that. All right. Purchase the Super Sticker Super Chat, ladies. Be easier for me to find these questions. Jade says, how to tell a man who, a man knows skillfully about sex without turning him off or pushing him away too far? So, great question. I'm not a fan of telling a man when to have sex, when you wanna have sex with them. I don't like tanking a time limit or something like that. I usually recommend trying to avoid situations where you could be sexual with another. So basically don't go to each other's homes. In other words, invest about 100 hours of face-to-face time together outside of your homes. Number one. Number two, you can simply tell them, hey, I wanna share, okay. I wanna share something about myself. Would you be open for me? Would you be open to hearing it? She goes, or you go, before I'm physically intimate with a man, I'd like to know that we're monogamous and exclusive with one another. That's how I operate. How do you operate? Oh, I just see casual relationship. Okay. Well then your dick doesn't get to go inside my vagina. You don't have to be that blunt, but tell him how you operate and see how he shows up. A man who genuinely likes you and a man who genuinely wants to get to know you, he won't be pushing the sex. I mean, I'm horny son of a bitch. So when I like someone, so I might feel like I might push the envelope a little bit and yet at the same time, I respect boundaries. When you simply say I want commitment and exclusivity and I feel like it's gonna take some time, I want monogamy and exclusivity. I think it's gonna take time before we build trust with each other. That's all you have to say. And then do the social activities, the hobbies, the mutual interests so you can build trust with one another. John Newton, the men are supposed to lead the process. Ladies, the number one search term for you women is why are men commitment phobic? Why do men ghost? Why do men disappear? Why are men emotionally unavailable? So why do you wanna give the job to a man you should be leading your own relationship destiny? Now, I'm not saying you do the work. I'm just saying you guide the process by making it an invitation for him because you don't tell a man what to do just like you don't like to be told what to do. Do you like to be told what to do? Of course you don't like to be told what to do. So you don't tell a man what to do. You just express how you operate and then you see if he meets you where you're at. Is this sinking in those folks? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. By the way, right now, I'm gonna shift gears. If you have a personal question to ask of me, we're gonna save the next five or 10 minutes for personal questions of me. Write the word personal question. And then if you have something to ask me, this is your time to ask me personal questions. I have something I wanna share with everyone, but I'm gonna give you an opportunity to ask me personal questions from this point forward. Anything you'd like to ask within reason. So I had a woman reach out to me on Instagram friend asking about dating men over six feet. Dating men over six feet. And what she was saying to me is she's five nine. So how hard it is to date men over six feet. Given that only 14% of the male population here in the United States is over six feet tall. I happen to be six two, so I'm in the top 3%. So I want you to know something, ladies. Men over six feet tall is 14% or less. But Jonathan, I'm five foot two and I need to be with a man six feet or taller so I can feel protected. You're cutting out 86% of the men if you operate that way. But I heard something interesting from a woman, from a therapist and what she did on her dating profile. So she's a woman five foot six. And what she said on her profile is I prefer men five foot six to five foot nine. She says, I prefer men five foot six to five foot nine. Because she realized that the average male height is probably five, nine, five, 10. Well, it turns out a man six foot three reached out to her and that is now her husband. I will tell you, ladies, when I see women's profile, I'm six foot two, but when I see women's profile I won't date anyone under six feet tall. I eliminate those women right away. Do you know why? If you're that judge, I feel like it's a judgment. It's like saying, if I wrote, ladies, if I wrote I only want to date women with double D tips. Would you want to go out with a guy who wrote that? The same thing, you don't have to write down what you want to go out with. The minute you put down, you want six feet or taller, you're basically telling me that you lack tolerance because would you skip out on the greatest guy on the planet who was five, 11? So why shoot yourself in the foot? To me, it's like writing down, I don't want liars. I don't want cheaters. I don't want, you know, narcissists. Like that really works. You guys, by the way, when I see a woman write that I go, she must just be a fucking idiot. And I don't date idiots. Now I'm being tongue in cheek. I would never say that. I'm saying it out loud just for fun right now. But that's kind of what's going on in the back of my mind because if you're foolish enough to write these negativity things, I don't want to be around it. So what this woman did is I prefer dating men. And she said she got so many emails from men over six feet tall because that was competition for them. They were like, they were going to compete for her. I'm not saying it's a great strategy. I'm just telling you a strategy I heard. I thought it was kind of interesting. All right, so anyways, I wanted to share that with you all. All right, let's save the last few questions for personal questions for John. If you have a course, personal question for me. Mary Ann says, question, when did you do your mushroom trip this weekend? Does it make you feel psychic? So I did it just a couple of days ago. I will tell you, I had a physical purge. I think part of the reason why I wasn't able to do my Monday livestream is I was purging a lot of old stories, old beliefs. It took a lot out of me this journey. Unlike most others, most mothers tend to be gentler, but this one was deep. I was digging deep into childhood wounds and belief systems. So to answer your question, it was a few days ago and I did feel kind of a full purge happened in my life which was so beneficial for me, especially on what I think it means to be a provider protector and all the bullshit scripts out there. So thank you for asking that question. I appreciate it. Sherry writes, how long did your spiritual journey last? So we usually meet at around 3.30. We take the medicine around four o'clock and I was physically capable of driving by 11 o'clock at night. So the journey is about four hours, but it feels like two days goes by. Time is an illusion when you're on this medicine. And by the way, I'm doing a sensory deprivation floating tank tomorrow just to get into that state again. I'm gonna try sensory deprivation floating tank which is just a couple of miles from where I live. So thank you so much for that question. Sherry, let's see what else we have. Personal questions. If you can put those titles in the chat, please and thanks. I don't understand that question. What titles? Oh, I don't remember what I, by the way, folks, I do stream of consciousness. I don't remember what I just shared. So sorry about that. Ah, let's see. Let's go swimming, let's go swimming. Oh, Christine, thank you so much. I appreciate that. Live, love, 111. Personal question, cancer recovery, but major surgery, double mastectomy, challenging in this area. How as a man do you see this? I'm over the years, I've dated two women who have had one who had a mastectomy and I dated one woman who had a double mastectomy. Unfortunately, both of them were right in the midst of what they were going through and they were going through a lot of, they required a lot of support and care and at that time in my life, I didn't feel, I wasn't even remotely in the position to take care of someone and both these women needed that. I would say provided that we built a strong friendship together and there was a real genuine energetic connection between us and there was real potential for love, I'm not gonna rule out anything, but they have to be in a position where they can be there and I think if they're in the midst of it, it's gonna be very difficult and I'm just not ready to, I'm certainly ready to support someone when I'm in love with them and we built that friendship and we built that trust with each other, but I don't think I'm ready if they're not ready and they'd have to be, I mean, they probably have to have done the Hoffman process and some other things for me. Well, actually I want every woman I date to, by the way, if I date a woman, I will treat to the Hoffman process as my birthday or Christmas gift for them because I think that will, she will be such a changed woman. I think her heart, I walked away from the Hoffman process, feeling, knowing what it feels like to really experience self-love, to really, that's, it was actually, I talk about in my book what the heck is self-love anyway and although Connor who passed away and there's a picture of him, aww, he was the impetus for the book, it was really the Hoffman process that really opened my heart up to loving myself and so any woman I date, if she hasn't done the Hoffman process, it'll probably be my birthday gift or Christmas gift to her and by the way, this ain't cheap, it's four or five grand and it is well worth it because she's gonna come back a beautiful light-hearted woman just because of it, that's my invitation or at least that's my belief anyway. My hope is she still wants me because a lot of people come back from the Hoffman process and they want something else, so, but my hope is that's the case. So anyways, I'm sharing that personally with you all. Thanks for asking. Christine says, I apologize for spelling your name wrong, doesn't bother me one bit. My name is unusual. All right, Lynn writes. Personal questions, sort of, I sent you a Facebook message but I'm only a follower from Jane McWilliams Rockwell, that's me. If you could ever read it and maybe before the followers get cut. Okay, if I see it, I'll pay attention for it, Janet. Thank you so much for that. All right, let's go swim in. Christine says, how often do you desire to date? How much time do you spend on a first date with a woman? How do you decide to go on a date? Great question. So, I'm trying to think. It's, I don't think I've gone on a first date in 2022 yet. I've done a lot of prospecting on the phone. I've had a lot of conversations on the phone but they don't seem to fizzle out. I've been ghosted three times in the last three months. One woman, I thought I got ghosted and it turned out it was a misunderstanding and that turned into a mess on the phone. And then last year, I think I met two women. I went on a couple of first dates. There was one woman I liked. So, what do I do for first dates? Okay, here's the thing. If I'm not, if I find them interesting but I can't tell if I'm physically attracted to them, I prefer coffee. I mean, listen, unless ladies, you guys put out such shitty dating profiles, half the time I can't tell if there's gonna be physical attraction. I've put together a stellar profile. So, and most of you women put out shit just like men who put the fish up or they're pictured by their Ferrari or whatever. Men are jackasses and women. You're no picnic either, okay? So, if I doubt if I'm gonna be attracted it's a coffee date. Now, last November, I connected with a woman who would also be a follower on YouTube. Very attracted to our pictures. I mean, I scheduled a drinks at a nice hotel bar. This was in the midst of COVID but I knew that they were pretty laxed over there not as strict as other parts of the area or the city. And we just had a great time chatting at the bar and then we went out for dinner afterwards. So, like I'm play it loose. If I don't know if I'm gonna be attracted to you it's gonna be a coffee date. If I'm physically attracted to you and I know you're physically attracted to me it's gonna be drinks and or dinner. And I don't go out anything fancy because I like to keep it light. I don't wanna make them have to spend a lot of money getting dressed up. Keep it casual, keep it simple. It's about connecting with one another and not about showing off. That's my belief anyway. So, thank you so much for that question. Veronica says, who does your mushroom guidance? A shaman, correct. It's a shaman. Heather says, silly personal question. If you go into the future and see yourself what would you want, what would you want to? You know what, I don't spend a lot of time with goals. I don't spend a lot. But people ask me, where do you see yourself in five years? I have no fucking clue. Listen, when you lose a child you don't futurize. You think in the present. You know what really turns me on? Presence, awareness. And I'm actually, I'm a seeker. I'm a spiritual junkie. I'm a seeker of deeper truth, of deeper meaning. I'm a seeker of philosophy. I'm a seeker of studying brilliant minds. I don't care about, it's not about the future for me. It's about experiencing life because this is what Connor would want me to do. He lived life to the fullest, right up until the last moment he died. That's the way I'd prefer to live, not thinking about the future. I mean, you can put your faith in God. Don't forget to tie up your camel, as my father used to say. I mean, I put away for retirement money. But at this point in my life, I've sucked the bone marrow out of trying to become a better human being. I try to learn to communicate better. And I listen, I stumble on my dick all day long. I say stupid things all day long. I get defensive. My ego pops up all day long. I am not perfect by any stretch of the means. I just have a capacity to express myself in a way that's seen, heard, and understood. And I know many of you think I'm kind of that superior guy. I'm not, I'm an average guy. Let's just do the best he can. And I'm not focused on the future. I'm focused on being of service to all of you because this brings me joy. By the way, schedule a discovery call with me. Hire me so I can support myself and support this channel. Purchase Super Sticker, Super Chat. Hit that like button, share this. All right, we're gonna take one more question. Let's see. Let's go swimming. Let's go swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming. All right. Okay, last question of the day. Question, what are your thoughts on the concept of twin soul soul mates? Personal comment. Thank you for all you're doing for us, big brother. Thank you so much. I think we have multiple soul mates in our lives. I do believe in soul tribes. I believe in soul mates. I don't believe in twin flames. I think that's a good, that's twin flames are usually karmic relationships in my mind. So I don't believe in that. But I do believe that we have many soul partners out there. And when we're meant to meet, it's gonna happen. Honestly, I'm taking myself off the dating apps. I am not spending time on dating apps. If I get an email from a woman on match.com and I think it's a fit, I'll put in effort. But I'm just gonna sit and allow the universe to bring her to me. It's raining good women. It's raining good women. It's raining good women. It's raining good women. My life partner and I will feel amazing chemistry with each other. My life partner and I will feel this great sense of communication with one another. And our banter can go on for hours and hours at a time. My life partner and I have lifestyles that are blendable with each other. And we can build a bountiful life together because we believe in partnership and support one another. My life partner and I share the same values in most areas like politics, religion and the vaccines these days. Just to name a few, especially on health, especially on spirituality, especially on personal development and growth. My life partner and I have a passion for life to get the fruit out of life, to get the bone marrow out of life, the juice out of life. We have that together. And lastly, we have intimacy with each other. And I don't mean just physical intimacy and damn, yes, I wanna fuck our brains out on a regular basis. We have emotional intimacy with each other. And that is my prayer. That is my invitation to invite that into my life. And I invite you all to set that same prayer for yourself. Can I get an amen? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Thank you for allowing me to share. All right. Did you like my little prayer? Let me know. What you think of the seeds will sow, will grow exactly, Lexi. Ah, affirmations, exactly. Amen, exactly. Thank you, Jonathan. You're the best big brother. Thank you all. You know, I think this would be a great place to wrap up. Folks, if you'd like to schedule a discovery call with me to see if working with the coach is right for you, hit that button. That link below. If you'd like to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery, check out the link below. If you'd like to follow me on Instagram, check out the link below if you wanna get any of the books I recommend. Check out the link below. And by the way, I noticed that someone wrote, Sonya, I didn't see your question. I apologize. I did not see it and I apologize for that. Next time. All right. I hope you found value in this. If you did, please share this with your friends. Please hit that like button. And I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Barrow of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. Now let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. I wanna thank Salvi. So God, I can't even pronounce your name. Christina, Jane, Cindy, Pink, Sherry, Lee Hong, Sonya, Jody P, Lynn, Jade, Renee. Again, I apologize for that. One person I didn't see hers. Oh Heather, sweetheart, Lexi, live love. 111, Kathy McFadden, all of you, giving you a big gigantic hug, wishing you a fab evening. Be well, bye-bye now.