 Hey everyone and welcome back to the vlog. My name is Claire Carmichael and I'm a newly qualified general practice nurse. And today I'm wearing my new t-shirt, No Bad Days. It's a bit ironic because I'm about to speak about my bad week. So this week has, it's not been the best. It's been a very, very tough week. Hi Dylan. I'm gonna say hello. Say hello then. As always Dylan and Nix are in the background. Anyway, back to it. So this has been a really tough week for me. I started off, I come in on Tuesday. It's bank holiday, I had to buy bank holiday off. Amazing weekend, lovely, all that jazz. Back to work on Tuesday and discovered that one of my patients had died over the weekend. Which is not good. And yeah, this one hit me the most I think because I beat myself up so much about it on Tuesday. All day, like as soon as I found that out in the morning I was just like, no, no, no, no, no, no. I've just seen this patient on Friday. And this hurt me the most I think because I kept thinking, could I have done more? Could I have saved this patient? Could I have prevented this from happening? But actually the more and more I think about it. One, I'm sending myself crazy. But two, actually no, this patient was quite a frail person anyway and had a lot of comorbidities and things like that going on. They were very elderly as well. So realistically, I think it was just that time unfortunately but I did beat myself up because I saw them on Friday. I did all the observations and everything, the observations were okay. They did have a bit of an infection in their wounds. So I had to get the second opinion from the doctor and get some antibiotics and stuff like that. So I feel like we did everything we could. However, I keep thinking, what if I could have prevented it? What if, why didn't I send them into hospital with all this comorbidities and you had this infection and all of this jazz? But that's not our first line protocol. It's not first line to send someone into hospital with just an infection. So it was very, very tough and all Tuesday, it was that moment where I thought, I'm a bad nurse and that's all I kept thinking. All Tuesday, I'm an awful nurse. How can I have seen this happen? Why didn't I prevent that? And well, even now, I'm still sort of thinking about it in my mind but it's not as bad as Tuesday was. I mean, it's getting easier as the week goes on. But I just, I was ready, honest to God, the way Tuesday went and how I was feeling about that situation, I wanted to give up. I really, really did because I thought I'm not a good nurse and I was just thinking I can't do this and it has put like a big, big knock in my confidence. And I'm just thinking every patient I see now, it's really playing on mind, thinking I need to do the opposite. I need to do the temperature. I need to make sure this doesn't happen again. I need to make sure they don't go into hospital and make sure they don't die on me. And it is hard at the minute, thinking about that and thinking of my own confidence and how I was doing so well and now this one thing's happened and it's really not my confidence and it's making me think, should I be doing this? Do I need more training? Do I need something different? Do I need to improve somewhere? But yes, but I'm gonna speak to some nurses about this because it is tough and I know it's probably just me being silly and beating myself up, but it has put a big dent in my confidence and the rest of the week has just been so flat and I felt so deflated and exhausted this week. So no bad day. Today's my day off. We've got to forget about it and rest and recharge. Come on. Yes, so it is a bit of a deflated week. It's been very, very busy. That is my other update. It's been manic. There's been people of sick as well. So then we've had to squeeze patients in and my clinic yesterday was just ridiculous. It was so ridiculous. I did send a little email and said, this is too much and I'm so worried that I'm gonna make more mistakes. I don't want to get into a routine where I'm on autopilot, just doing things and doing things and rushing and then I miss something and something happens and then I'm up against the NMC. Do you know what I mean? So yes, I did send a little email out and yes, there was a very nice, lovely reply and it's all sorted and hopefully it's gonna chill out now. Fingers crossed. And the good news of this video is it is September. My course starts in about three weeks time. Finally gonna get onto this primary care nursing course at last and the first thing we're gonna do is smear tests. So that'll be the first thing I'll be talking about in my vlogs and update you all and yeah, let you know all of this training stuff that I'm gonna be doing. So yeah, it's looking good towards the end of the month. I can't wait. I'm really excited. And as of next week, this Friday coming by the time you watch this video on Sunday. So from Friday for a whole week I'm off. I know I've got the whole week off. I'm gonna go up to Liverpool as long as there's no local lockdowns or anything and see my dad because I haven't seen him since before Christmas. So I'm gonna go up there, make sure he's all right because he hasn't been very good lately. Being a bit down and a bit isolated and lonely I think. So I really need to go and see him and make sure he's okay. And yeah, perk him up a little bit. So on other interesting weird news, I think this house is a little bit haunted. I don't know if it's my imagination. But ever since I moved in, it's just felt weird. And I thought, maybe decorating, making it look nice, make it feel a bit more homely. It might help. And I've got a load of crystals. These things should be banishing away any negativity, although this room does actually feel okay. But as you walk around the house, there's just something negative. Don't, honest with God, I know I'm being ridiculous guys, but it just doesn't feel right. And the dogs get a bit weird as well in the house. Dylan, I don't know if I ever told you this. Dylan has now got doggy bells pausing his face. So the right side of his face is drooped down. He's dribbling. His eye doesn't blink, his ears drooped, but he's getting better. So it's okay. He's okay guys. So there's just something weird going on and it just doesn't feel right. And then this is gonna freak you out because it's freaked me out if you get freaked out with these sort of things. So warning. Anyway, yesterday, the TV stand up in the bedroom, I've got a glass TV stand, the bottom shelf, only the bottom shelf, completely smashed, just smashed, buff like that. No idea how the dogs haven't gone into it or anything like that because the whole TV stand was okay. Like there was nothing knocked off from it. The middle shelf above it was okay. And if a dog had gone into it, you would have noticed that because everything would have been fallen off and blah, blah, blah, blah. Anyway, glass shelf, bottom shelf, completely smashed all over the floor. It was okay. The last time I went in that bedroom, which was about an hour before, I didn't notice it then, either that or I just wasn't looking for it so I didn't see it. And just, yeah, smashed. How has that happened? And so I'm there like, it's the ghost. It's the ghost. The ghost is coming. It's getting worse. We need to move out. It's ridiculous. But I'll put up a picture here so you can see the mess because we took a picture. That is what happened. And then I was sat thinking, I was like, oh my God, it's the ghost. And then I started thinking about some dreams I've been having lately. So I've been having some really weird dreams lately. For those of you that don't know, my mom passed away just over a year and a half ago. And I've been having some really weird, I haven't dreamt or anything about her since. And just the last week, I've been having these weird dreams, but I can't ever remember the dreams fully and I don't know what she's saying to me, but I know she's telling me something or she's talking to me in my dreams, but I don't know what. So yeah, I was saying this to Dali and I was saying, oh yeah, but having these weird dreams, maybe it's my mom. Maybe my mom's come to haunt me or try to give me a message or something. You never know, do you? Then after that conversation, we sat down, we had some Chinese and I opened my fortune cookie and I'm gonna swear I'm not. This is what was in my fortune cookie. What? So I'm moving house. I mean, I think I said this before anyway, that I was gonna be moving house and it's only literally like five minutes down the road. It's not far at all, but it's just a bit more space for the dog. The living room is huge. It's really, really nice. Low maintenance garden and all of that. And the reason why I wanted to move was because of this feeling in this house and I feel like it's affecting my emotions. I'm feeling really exhausted and really low. The dogs aren't right. Just nothing feels right right now in this house. So I wanted to move for that reason anyway, but now that all this has happened, I am. I need to move like tomorrow. I should have moved yesterday. But hopefully in the next few weeks, hopefully nothing will happen. I need to get a camera or something just set it up in the house so I can see what's going on. Cause it's not right. Look at Nix. This is Nix. She's got behind the questions. It's the story. It's scared her, guys. It's scared her. Look, this is what she does. She hides. Weirdo. So yes, it's been a very interesting week, guys. I thought you would just give you a little life update of what's going on at work, how tough it's been, what's going on in the house. Hopefully it's not gonna get worse. Fingers crossed. So how has your week been, guys? Let me know. Comment below. I hope you're doing okay or out there on placements. I know a lot of you have gone back to placements for the first time since the start of the year. Oh my God. Good luck, guys. You're gonna smash it, you know. Everything will come flooding back to you, don't worry. And for those of you that think, oh my God, I can't do this. You can do this, okay? You've got this far. You will get through it, okay? It's gonna be okay and you're doing amazing. Just remember that every single day. Look how far you've come. This is what I'm doing right now to get me through this tough time. It's just remembering, do you know what? I've worked hard for this. I've gone through so much, I've achieved so much and you need to remember that too. You need to remember those little achievements along the way, those exams you've already passed, the placements you've already passed, the assignments you've already passed. Get into uni for a start. Bing, bing, bing. Because that's hard. A lot of people have been rejected. So they chose you and they wanted you because they saw something special in you. So just remember that and keep going, guys. I love you lots. See you next time.