 Comedian Andrew Schultz recently shared a theory on his podcast about how Asians are actually offspring of aliens who came from outer space, landed on earth, and mated with humans over time. Guys, it's pretty funny, but you know what? For the sake of the argument, let's take this theory somewhat seriously and let's delve into it. Yeah, if you guys know the Flagrant 2 podcast is a very funny, but to some people a very offensive podcast where they take a lot of theories to their absurd and extreme end and they rift on it while throwing in kernels of facts from, you know, people who are very internet-y, educated, let's run the clips. I have a theory. I think that aliens came here and I think that they mated with all of us. Yes. Okay. And I think their favorites were the Asians. And that is why it makes you say that because all of us kind of look similar. Even Akash's people are right next door to the aliens. The aliens are right next to it. It's like a one little wall and then they're right on the other side. And there's a distinct difference in facial features. Oh man. Like I said, you know, some offensive things, some funny things, some things that I agreed with, some things that I disagreed with. This generated a lot of comments, Andrew, that we got to break down. Now a lot of people are going to be like, oh, why are you guys going to even take this series? It's just a comedy podcast because I do think, Eric, that it's actually representative of the way a lot of like internet educated Western people view Asians. Oh, and this is not the first time I've heard Asians are aliens. And I also think it does feed into the whole idea of how Asians are othered and they're so different than other people, you know what I mean? And we come from this alien culture and even us as Asian Americans, American born Asians, like we still are going to feel different or look like aliens to other people. So I do think it's not offensive in that they meant it to be offensive. I don't think that they were being racist in their heart. I just think that it does kind of offend some Asians sometimes because we're like, ooh, no more people explaining why we're left out of things. Right. I think they're pointing out 2023 Orientalism and they're being Orientalist. I don't know if they're I don't think they're racist in their heart because they say a lot of racist stuff about a lot of people on that podcast, stereotypical things. But I do think that a lot of Asians due to the advent of like modern society, they think that Orientalism is over. But the one part where I really do agree with them, Andrew, is I think it's still very much around, whether we're talking about Vulcans or Neymorians or all these things in popular culture. We are still viewed as very different in this world. Like I know in some pockets amongst your friends, you might feel like that you're not. But I will tell you this. And I think I and I'm glad that Andrew Schultz brought up this theory because I do think it kind of represents a portion in a funny way of what a lot of people think. Yeah. So make sure you like, subscribe, turn on your notifications, Andrew. You know, I looked it up. There's so many web posts, even now from forums that are inactive from back in the day. A lot of people have been posing this question when they get the anonymous ability to do so. Are Asians aliens? Here's some of my quick thoughts, Andrew. Andrew Schultz is known for some of like the most advanced stoner takes ever, where you know, you take a kernel of truth and you take it to its absurd end. But sometimes it's actually pointing out. I like to focus on that initial kernel of truth where people think Asians are just that different, right? And why do you think people view Asians as that? I mean, what he points out visually, obviously just our phenotype, our physical features are different. You tell me specifically, Mongoloid, particularly Mongoloid, he actually excludes Indians in the clip. I'll play this. Because the conscious Punjabi, right? Yeah. Even our cautious people are right next door to the aliens. The aliens are right next to it. It's like a one little wall. And then they're right on the other side. And there's a distinct difference in facial features. India, other side, it's a different ball game over there. This theory checks out. It's a different ball. And it's just, they were the favorites of the aliens. We all got fucked by aliens, but the aliens were really getting it in over there. The clicks in Africa and it's anything in Asia. It's anything in Asia. But not my part of Asia, which is also interesting. It's not Asia. I hate that. I hate that. All right. So, hey, they said it. I didn't. But so visually and linguistically, and then they also talk about like the advanced technology and all that stuff. But anyways, I think it's really hard to be honest. If I was to really quickly explain this, it's hard for Western people to understand that in the east they had advanced civilizations that were probably more advanced than the west in like 1300. Like it's hard for them to grasp because the west has had such a great 500 years, which is more like the age of media and stuff like that. I always, and when it comes to looking different, I always point at this very, very old Louis C. K. joke that he had. And it basically said, hey, you know, like, you know how we always say that Asian people have like small eyes, but actually we just have weird big bubbly ones because most people in the world are Asian. So Asian people with the Mongoloid, you know, kind of like my eye features, you can say they make up almost 30% of the world's population. So it's really not an uncommon trait to have. But of course, to Westerners and to the global media, especially to the American media narrative, which has, you know, not a lot of, there've been Asians in America, but they were especially not in the media fields. They were putting their energies in other. So obviously, this is a comedy podcast. This is very Eurocentric. It's American centric. Yeah, I mean, when the Crusades were going on, the Sun Dynasty was making all these inventions too. But you know, people don't really study history like that. And maybe it doesn't even matter anywhere. Somebody said he also said that aliens must have given Asians all their advanced technology. Obviously, a lot of advanced tech comes out of East Asia right now, Japan, Korea, China now, especially with DJI drones and stuff like that. And that sort of tied in to his initial theory because this ties into the alien congressional hearings. Obviously, whether China will or will not supplant America as the world's unipolar or dual polar empire or whatever. And sort of also Asian American stereotypes all got mixed into this whole comedic discussion. Yeah, I mean, I think it's funny because people are always wondering, especially Americans are like, how is American, how is Chinese technology so good? How is it so advanced? And I'm like, do you know how many hours and how much focus China puts on that stuff? Like, well, there's a lot of nerds over there. Yeah, like the Chinese basketball team doesn't do very well, right, despite them investing a lot of money into it. But the Chinese drones are really well are really good. So why do you think that is? Yeah. And do you think he's primarily talking about Chinese people or all Asians or primarily all East Asians or which East Asians is he talking about? Yeah. So I think he is mostly referring to Chinese culture when he says Asian name might be a little bit Japanese and Korean, but Koreans are currently very trendy. So it's not it wouldn't be as alien to say that. And then also Japan has been so advanced, so clean and such like a nice society to visit that I feel like most people don't necessarily see Japan as like alien like where they can't understand. I think they see actually Japan and Korea as aliens who have become Americanized. But Chinese are the aliens who have stayed alien almost more with the predator days. Like you're not like the predator language in the predator movies. It's like it's advanced, but it's not. It's like ancient advanced. Anyway, let's get into the comment section, guys. Somebody said, as an Asian man, y'all figured it out. We are aliens. Have a good day. This Irish guy said, oh, yeah, look at me. I'm married to a Chinese woman. I know you guys think it's alien, but it's not too crazy. Look at the language. A one is just one dash. A two is two dashes. And a three is three dashes. Does that kind of go back to like, yes, Asians are alien, but they're like an ancient advanced civilization. Yeah. Almost like how you would view like Mayans or you know, Atlantis. It was advanced, but in the Thor like days, I mean, it depends on what you define as advanced. Is it more advanced to have a character based writing system or to have an alphabetical system where you can make up new words? Which one is more? I don't know. Like it depends on obviously one is harder to execute, which is the character based language. You know, or the most advanced to have both like Japan. Who knows? Oh, somebody said UAP stands for unidentified Asian person. Obviously, this is the term they're using. Andrew Moore now in the congressional hearings for UFO unidentified aerial phenomenon. Somebody said, yeah, it's no surprise that the aliens crash landed. And then basically saying if the aliens were Asians, you know, it's kind of fitting in a Asians are a bad driver joke. Right. Right. Right. Somebody said, bro, you think that all East Asian people are aliens? Bro thinks that just because they're epicanthal, I fold looks so different. Dude, just open a damn article. So this is talking about how Asians have the like Andrew, you even more than me, you have no eyelids. Would you say our eyes above any feature on like very East Asian looking people is the one feature that is the most different to people? Like if we had to point out one feature on the face, the eyes, the nose, I would say it's the eyes because even like a lot of Latinos, if you guys know Latinos, you know, they're mixed with a lot of indigenous people who came across from the Bering Strait, which is like technically categorized as Asian, sometimes they call them Chino, even if everything else looks Latino about them, except their eyes. Right. Right. Right. So it is in the eyes. Somebody said, man, what a joke. If aliens nowadays would definitely go to Japan, China, South Korea, if they wanted the 21st century, what a one dimensional Eurocentric POV, basically saying, Oh, by the way, aliens aren't even real. I mean, this kind of goes with the a lot of books that are coming out right now. I got this book called the future is Asian. This is what a lot not all, but like a lot of smart macro economists believe that this is true. Yeah, that's funny because Andrew Schultz makes this joke about like if you are an alien and you are like, why would you go back to Asia when you visited Earth? You would go back to America because if you went back to Asia, you'd just be visiting your family. Right. Why would you do that? And then also, why would you go to Europe because they're so stuck in like 300 years ago? Bro, if you're an alien and you go to China and you just look like everyone else there, is there any point of it? Is there any like you're going to travel 400 light years to just be with the fam? Just to be with the fam? Just to fit in? To be in traffic, to sit in bicycle traffic? You're going to travel 400 light years and sit in bicycle traffic? Is that what y'all would want to do with that time? It's not birthright. Exactly. They're not going home. They're not going home, bro. Well, it's a joke. I think he's obviously just cherry picking, but yeah. Somebody says Andrew is speaking so confidently like he knows either what China or US drone capabilities are. And then basically people were saying, you know, nowadays everybody with the internet just thinks they're an expert in everything. Yeah, I will say this about Schultz, man. Schultz is a very intellectual guy. He is very smart and he doesn't know a lot about cultures, but obviously just like a lot of people. It's just like things that you read or see about once or twice and then it's just stuck in your brain and then you're just putting it out there. You don't actually look into these issues, you know? Things that you feel, but you know something about, but not a whole lot about. You hear, oh yeah, the drone capabilities are really good. And then just like, yeah, hell yeah. Somebody said, we need to have a congressional hearings on the Jews versus aliens that are competing for Asian women because he actually had a crazy theory that that's why like, you know, I mean, I guess the history of the Jewish people have been very tumultuous, but the aliens made it that way because the aliens also like Asian women, which is by the way, guys, not my theory. Go talk to Schultz about it. It is funny. That's crazy. You know, we have some Jewish Asian couples in our family and our extended family. And actually, Andrew, I went online and I found on a bunch of like Jewish websites, there's a bunch of articles about Jewish guys getting with Asian women. For sure. Yeah, it's definitely a thing. It's a thing. It's a thing, guys. Somebody said, yeah, he called it Elon is half Chinese hybrid. This is recalling something that actually happened. Kanye said that Elon Musk is a half Chinese genetic hybrid. And then Elon said, yeah, I take that as a compliment. And then of course, that goes in with Elon Ma and everything like that. Right, right, right. I would say that Elon, he does kind of act Asian to me in a sense. Somebody said, Andrew's analysis and conclusions are so effed in the head, they make sense again. And then someone said, man, when you are so stupid, you start to make sense again. Do you think that this theory was so stupid that it almost like it all tied together, but they just made so many like obviously ridiculous assumptions? I think it's really funny in the day in the age of conspiracy theories that when you have a theory and there's even like a few reasons why you think it's true, then like it almost gets you thinking, right? Like this sounds like such a ridiculous theory. But if you say it enough, you're kind of like, I don't know dude, maybe this kind of reminds me of one time Andrew, we knew somebody at our church who went to China to go teach English in the schools. And remember this one girl raised her hand and she said, I know that white and black people, they evolved from monkeys, but Asians, we evolved from fish. That is actually one of the funniest theories, man. Somebody said, David, are we alien or do we come from fish? Do we come from alien or do we come from it's one of those two, right? And of course a lot of people were saying I've had Andrew's theory for years. I've been saying Asians were alien for 28 years. I mean, ultimately, I think that people who are really, really rooted only in Western thinking, it's hard for them to comprehend that Asians have their own civilization that's completely free of Abrahamic religions. You know what I mean? Like completely like on its own timeline and like did not involve anything that happened in the West. Somebody said America hasn't been the empire of the time for even 100 years yet and yet you guys are already losing that title to China. Yeah. I mean, this is like the talk of what like Ray Dalio and stuff a lot. I was like thinking about this comment and it's not fully what they were talking about, but I think it's motivated by that. Just like the alien talk is motivated by the congressional hearings. It's just like on your mind right now. It's on the global or national consciousness. I think that because America took it over from Britain, it doesn't really fully count. Do you know what I'm saying? Because American culture and British culture are so close together. That's not a full regime change. No, America is just a derivative of British. Yeah. So it's not like even the Netherlands handing over the global dominance to the British because those are like really different because they can't communicate. Oh yeah. I see your theory. Somebody said Chinese drones. The Navy came out and said that there's no way a drone could go from zero to Mach 8 in less than a second. And then people were posting photos of the new Chinese drones that are like gigantic. They look like UFOs, but of course they have rotors in the middle. Somebody said maybe the aliens are just trying to find out why you guys own so many school shootings. If you look at the school shooting statistics, it's like unbelievable. It's like, I don't even know. Yeah, but yeah, that's just something. It's a very American trait. Somebody said has an Asian has racism against Asians started to make a comeback. And somebody said, yeah, the US or the West is just prepping for war. Basically, you want to just drum up bad feelings towards the people that you think you could potentially go to war with. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, honestly, I've heard this theory a lot, PsyOps, etc, etc. Andrew said that there's no in between race to test that Asians are not aliens. Basically, he was saying that there is a mixture between North Africa, Spain and Italy. However, there is no blend between India and China. So basically, this was his theory that Asians are aliens because it doesn't make any sense to him that people on one side of the Himalayas could look so different than the other side. Obviously, he's completely discounting all the tribes of people in all the countries in the Himalayas that are like half Daisy and half Mongolian like Nepalese people commonly or between Russian and Chinese, you would have the look self kind of like Central Asians, your Uzbeks, your Turks, yeah, you're your Mongolians, your birdie ads, you know, things like that. Yeah. I would say that a lot of people just don't know about those blends. You know what I mean? Like, you know how like we're talking about like Central Asia or even like North Eastern, like the Assam region, which is in India, but people look more Mongoloid? Like a lot of people are unfamiliar with that. Well, that's why this theory obviously doesn't check out for obvious reasons because they're just not, they're just discounting a lot of other things that would debunk it. Yeah, but you know what? I do agree with him. That is not common knowledge that is in your average, even college four year educated Americans mind book. Like that's not common knowledge that you can bet money on that your average B A four year educated American knows, you know what it is? He's kind of basing off this theory off of the knowledge of like a eighth grader. Yeah, like a smart eighth grader, eighth grader that's creative. This is a sick theory. This theory is is like on point. You're like, dude, I figured it out. And you're like, wow, you're a pretty clever eighth grader, right? You drew those connections. I never thought of that. This is the eighth grade theory. Yeah, but obviously if you actually do the research and stuff, a lot of this stuff is debunked. Anyway, Andrew, let's just get into the takeaway. Some people are going to be like, I can't believe you guys took such a silly theory. So serious. But the truth is, I don't think a lot of Americans education extends beyond like an eighth ninth grader that was in like honors class. No, listen, like, and the reason why we're talking about it is because Schultz is obviously very popular. He's a very funny comedian. It's the top Patreon podcast on Patreon. Yeah. And I'm just saying, I guess when someone like that says something that it reminds you like, oh, people do think Asians are really different. It's just a testament to how different people view us as Asians. I don't think a lot of people actually think we're aliens. I just think a lot of people out there view us as very different, whether we look different or from our motherland culture. The civilization that we emanate from being very different. And I think that this even contributes to the why you everybody knows Asian American that spent their whole life trying to validate themselves as a Western person, whether they dyed their hair, they did this enhancement or did like acted extra crazy to be like, Hey, dude, I'm not one of those weird Asians from the East. I'm like, just like you guys, even though I look like this phenotype and it does kind of make you feel not that, you know, it's I think it's a deep down thing, but that some even white people are still looking at Asians nowadays as like, like, even if you're doing something very American, they're just like, yeah, you just look so different, man. Yeah, looks so I've gotten that growing up, but I still think it's going on. Like when I was in college, I had people make comments about my eyes when there's tons of Asians. Oh, when you went to a trap party formal with a girl. Yeah, somebody somebody had made a slick comment and it just happens and it's going to continue to happen because people are still very Eurocentric and there's also this rivalry with China. So it's kind of like it is being a little bit more divisive, right? It's interesting to mix it with aliens, though, because they mixed the aliens with the beef with China with the East West Orientalism from like the 1800s mixed with like modern stereotypes about Asians not being good at driving. So there was like everything in one like hodgepodge. This triangulation is funny. It is funny. I mean, I agree with you. I think that that's what I've been. I was thinking about it and shout out to Andrew Schultz. We've met him several times. He was really cool to us, but it's like, I always thought that people treated Asians hella different and viewed us as such if you could really go into their subconscious, whether it was overt or subconscious. And yeah, I still believe that to this day. I kind of confirmed it. And that's why when we went on full size run, which is a sneaker show on complex Andrew, I, we spent a lot of time talking about the East versus West and different civilizations because I knew that at that time everybody was thinking that we're every Asian was like a four die in a Ferrari dripped out in that Louis Vuitton Supreme collab. And I wanted to let people know that exists, but that's not everybody. And we have to like, you know, I always say this Andrew, when people don't care much about a group, they don't paint it with all the colors that it needs to be painted with. But when they care about a group, now they're willing to, you know what I mean, etch the details and like all the shading and stuff like that. And I just want people to say that, you know, I'm not saying that some of the things that people see about Asians, there's not some truth to it, but people are just like painting it so wildly over simplistic lead that it's causing a lot of issues. And maybe we as Asians, we've got to do a better job of educating people on our nuance as well. Yeah, for sure. And I would say, you know, flagrant too, as far as I know, I don't think they've brought on a Chinese person actually talk about this kind of stuff. So who are you going to bring on shouts? Anyways, guys, let us know in the comments down below. We're going to wrap it up there. What do you think about this theory? Is it funny to you? What are some things that maybe could add to the theory or that obviously, the theory got wrong because it's just theory and it's clearly not true. But clearly Asians are viewed as very different and maybe are legitimately very different people in the West, people from the East, but we're living in the West. All right, everybody. Thank you so much for hit that like button and check out other episodes of the Hop Hop Boys. Until next time, we out. Peace.