 The makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, Life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Mack Benhoff and starring as celebrated actor Mr. J. Carol Knack with Alan Reed as Pasquale. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum are glad to bring you Life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spearman whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spearman Gum tastes good, it's refreshing, and a good easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. I'm gonna crazy trying to figure out why the immigration of man is a common first time I figured maybe they angry because of some stupid thing I'm done in my first year in America because once I'm so poor fella stuck in the middle of the street all the cars were running at them and it looked like he was gonna be killed. So I'm rushed out and I'm gonna push him back and aside the work. How am I supposed to know he was a traffic cop? And I will never forget when I went to marry my first letter in the little box in the corner. All of a sudden the whole street is full of cops, trucks, the people yelling and screaming. I didn't know but I was trying to put my letter into the fire alarm box. Here's my mummy, I made a lot of stupid mistakes in my first year in America and now I'm afraid this immigration fellows are gonna bring me very bad denuzza. And if that ain't a bad enough here comes some more bad denuzza. Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi, hello, hello. I'm in a terrible trouble. They come and see me four o'clock and I'm afraid I'm gonna finish in America unless you talk to them tomorrow before they come for me today. I'm in it today for tomorrow. All right, now give me the Italian translation. The way you're crippling the king's is English even the blue cross a hospital planner can't help you. Please read this letter. What? Let me see it. Oh, it's a bad, terrible. What are you thinking? Luigi Columbus found America, is that right? Well, it sure is. Looks like you're gonna lose it again. Sorry, what are they gonna do to me? And why? What am I to do? Easy, calm down, relax. All the things is just a slay to me that a banana knows how you face it. Yeah, but what, what, what, what, tell me, what's the simple which I'm going to tell you? Immigration department wants to find out how rich you got it since you come to America. How much money do you get off the boat with? Nothing. And how much you got in your pocket now? Nothing. That's too bad. Yeah, but if it's funny, you know money don't mean nothing to me. Luigi, people who ain't got it never know the meaning of it. I got it and all I can tell you is eh. Sorry, I'm, I'm, I'm got a little money in the bank, but why should immigration a man who care how much I'm got? As long as I'm done about it, nobody. Luigi, you have a here is something called American standard of living. Well, with you, the standard of living don't stand. It lays down. Well, it's not a joke because I'm, I'm in a terrible trouble. Who's a joke? And I'm just trying to break you to bad news. Easy as I can. Luigi, the awful fruit is that you've been living in America three years now, eating American food, wearing American clothes, breathing American air. But when it comes to making American dollars, you back to Luigi the greener heart. You mean you mean this and inspectors are coming to ask me how much money I'm got? Not the money, Luigi. You know, things. You know, America's got the highest standard of living in the world. And when the inspector comes in here, takes a wonderful look at all this old broken down of finance you got it. Right away, he marks you AWOL. AWOL, what's that? Alien Without Loop. Oh, Luigi, I kind of just see that immigration. Well, he comes in, he says, Vasco, we got the highest standard of living here. Every kitchen has got a refrigerator, washing machine, garbage disposal. Where's your electric poster, Mr. Vasco? My, my electric poster. Yeah, I could just hear you crying to him. Please, Mr. Sweater. I don't believe in electric. I always have toast to my bread between two candles. And I got hardly enough to eat, so I got no garbage to disposal. No, but sorry, this is a chance to be, he's not gonna ask. Luigi, the Americans are very proud of their high standard of living. And they don't mind taking immigrants into their melted apart, but you gotta melt them with the rest of the pot. But, but, but, I'm gonna try them. I'm gonna go to night school. I'm gonna try to learn. Luigi, just a look on your room. Three years in America, where do you got the show? Two used up for library cards, red or fatter in the window for the community chest, and a statue of Lincoln, Washington, and Jefferson that's older than they are. Look, look at the leaky old ice box you got in the kitchen. Tell the fella how you forgot to empty out the pan one night. The next morning you woke up a swimmer. I'm in a terrible trouble and ain't there, there's no way out. There's the one way out, the little cabbage putt. When away? With my help, immigration a fella could walk in at 4 p.m. to Mara and find you an electric stove, electric refrigerator, toaster, coffee maker, electric everything. How? Married by Donna Rosa. My money after the electric chair. Down to be so funny. You know what that inspector's gonna say when he walks into your electric kitchen and gives you wife a rose to make your breakfast with all those electric things? Yeah, he's gonna say this fella was a better off attacking the gasses. Goodbye, but sorry, I'm gonna go to my next room now. Wait, you wait, you better listen to me. I'm the only one who could give you that high standard of living. You mean that the heavy standard of a living, goodbye. I wouldn't worry about it, Lavidia. It's probably just a routine check-up. No, Lavidia, I happened to know the truth. The immigration service never comes to you unless you you do something real bad. Well, there he goes, smiley old man. Stop worrying so much, Lavidia. Maybe they're coming to you well because you won an award or something. Not sure, I'm gonna win nothing. Well then, maybe you got the money coming to you, some refund. No, I'm gonna never get the money. Well then, maybe not. Stop, Lavidia, you are fighting your own liar. High scholars, Miss Pauly. Good evening, class. Good evening, Miss Pauly. We're a little late, so I won't bother calling your roll today. Oh, good, and if the questions are a little hard today, consider that I am playing hooky. Hi, Miss Pauly. That was very cute. Let's get on with the lessons. Mr. Baster, you have your hand raised. Hi, Miss Pauly. What a high standard of a living. Is that an hour lesson today? No, but it's gotta be in my store tomorrow. What? Immigration officer, Miss Pauly, I mean the inspector. He's coming, four o'clock at tomorrow to see if I'm got a high standard of a living. And a Baster Pauly says I'm gonna have a lexic, everything or else I'm gonna melt in the party. Oh, Lavidia, you for shimmers. You know, you wouldn't be happy unless you can meet that inspector, wrapped in an electric blanket with an area sticking out of your head. Mr. Baster, I think you're worrying needlessly about a high standard of living. They're probably coming to make a routine check-up. No, but let's never do this, Pauly. Unless the alien does something that makes him deport, Pauly. But I've never did anything like that. That's right, but this little renaissance will take Boy Scouts across the street. Oh, my, Lavidia, like you say in the delicatessen business, life is a giant delami. And we got to live it one slice at a time. I should, please, please, and not joke, because I'm gonna get some money to buy this standard of living, and I'm gonna get it to buy tomorrow. Yeah, I wish, I could help you, Lavidia, but next week my life insurance money is due. I'm broke. And don't look at me, Lavidia. If I miss one more payment on my television set, Gene Arthur, he'll never ride again. Look, Mr. Basko, if you're so determined to get such merchandise, you can get them on credit. It's not their insurance, it's Lavidia. That's right, the installment plan. Instalment plan? And what's that? Well, Lavidia, that if you can't pay in one payment, you see, they break it up, and then you can't pay in twenty payments. Stop that, Mr. Schultz. Oh, well, don't worry, Mr. Basko. After class, you can go to one of the department stores, open Tuesday evening, and buy on credit. Oh, thank you, Mr. Spudding. I've suggested what I'm gonna do. And then when immigration manager see me, I'm gonna say, don't no worry about me, I'm a creditor to America. Yes, sir, are you interested in that refrigerator? Oh, he's a beautiful... Yeah, we have one that holds six cubic feet, another holds eight, and this one holds ten cubic feet. Please, I'm looking for a refrigerator that holds the food and not the feet. I've got a live one tonight. Please, Mr. Salomon, how much I'm gonna pay for this big one here? Five hundred. Dollars, huh? Yes, yes. And that's gonna close the little electric bulb that's inside, huh? Yes, we're throwing that in, day. Here, let me show you. I like it. Now, look at the size of these ice jute trays. They'll hold all the ice you'll ever need. All right, that's good. I'm gonna tell him I ice them and he should have filled them up every day. Yes, yes. Sir, you fill the trays with water, and within 10 minutes they turn into ice. Oh, thank you. Oh, but I don't understand it so good. For this refrigerator works, it would electric. Why do you need the ice to keep it inside the coldest? Sir, are you interested in this refrigerator? Well, it's a sure high standard of living, huh? What? I mean, if you were to work in my house and you were to see this refrigerator, you would think I'm rich, you know? Sir, you couldn't own a better box if you were one of the four hundred. Wow, four hundred a wife. I knew it. I knew it. Well, sir, what do you say? We have just a few left, and after that the price goes up. All right, I'm not gonna take it. Yes, yes. And please wrap up the bill and let's keep it by respect. You have my solemn promise. Now, will that be anything else? Oh, sure. I'm gonna let this go, but I'd like to take a picture. I'd like to take a picture of my phone. Wonderful. One, before you go, don't forget to look at our dishwasher. Oh, wow, he's a nice developer. I'll never learn. Sir, I suggest we take those items one at a time. Now, are you going to pay cash for this refrigerator? Oh, no, it's just, uh, that is good. Good, good. That's good. It's wonderful. All right. We can arrange the terms to suit your pocket. Now, how much are you ready to put down and cash? Well, 20 cents. You're joking. I'm a nasty. You know, please, I'm, I'm alike to put nothing down and just to pay out of because I'm an age of 20 cents to put it down. Oh, well, have a seat at my desk, will you? Thank you. Good. Good. Now then, let's fill out this credit card. The name and address? Uh, Louis de Basque, 21 and 30 cents. Who do you work for? I'm a my own boss. Oh, I see. Business? Terribly. What business are you in, sir? Oh, and things. Uh-huh. And what do you earn per week? Oh, well, are you worried that I'm going to have enough of food to put in the fridge today, sir? Now that you mention it, yes. Mr. Basque, how much money do you earn per week? Well, that depends. What week are you talking about? Well, let's just take a gamble and take last week, shall we? You picked a bad week. That's the week I'm almost a starved for that, sir. Sir, but do you have a bank account? Oh, sure. Well, how much are you worth? You mean, uh, what, a 20 cents I'm going to get in a packet? Yes, throw it in. How much are you worth? That's a 20 cents. Mr. Basque, I'm afraid your credit is not quite good enough. Are you sure? But what, why not? Well, because you've got to have some money in the bank. Yeah, but if I'm going to get money in the bank away, I'm going to need your credit, sir. This one's not only alive, he's fighting. Please, please, help me, Mr. Because I'm going to get a high standard about tomorrow four o'clock. I'm sorry, Mr. Basque, really. But, please, tell me, tell me what I should do to get the disappear directly. Well, since you have no credit, you must buy for cash. But I'm going to get to no cash. Then get it. Where? In a bank. And they're going to lend me the cash? If you have credit. And how am I going to get this to credit? By getting some cash. And if I'm going to get to the cash? Then you must buy on credit. Goodbye, Mr. Basque. Goodbye, Mr. Credit. And for me, it's a goodbye, America. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a suggestion that you'll find helpful on your job or when you're working around your home. When your work gets a little tiresome and you need a little boost, chew a refreshing stick of Wrigley's Clear Mint Gum. You see, having something good in your mouth that chew on sort of gives you a lift and helps keep you feeling satisfied. Then, too, the lively flavor of Wrigley's Clear Mint freshens your mouth and helps keep your throat moist. So you just naturally feel better and you tackle your work with more enthusiasm. Try it and see for yourself. Enjoy chewing Wrigley's Clear Mint Gum while you work. See how the smooth, good chewing helps make your work go smoother and easier. That's Wrigley's Clear Mint Chewing Gum. Healthful, refreshing, delicious. Now, let's turn to Page 2 of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother-in-law. Well, ma'am and ma'am, I'm all the most want to crazy this morning. I'm gonna want the immigration of the men who sent me back to Italy, so I'm gonna run around to the pony shops and learn the companies to get a cash. But it wasn't no use. Learn the companies that don't give a cash without a security, pony shops that want a security for a cash, and I'm stuck in a between. No security and no cash. Well, I'm at the side. After all, I'm in America and I'm not gonna do anything. I'm gonna run right down to the immigration department to stop with the men. For a big immigration building. I think more people work here than is to come to America. Can I help you? Oh, yes, please. Please, Mr. Lady, help me stay in America. Just what is your problem? I'm not to get the high enough for standard of living. Well, there's nothing I can do about that. Mummy, I can't see nothing. Is it gonna help me here? How am I gonna have to go up to the higher ups up the stairs? Now wait, you can't go in there. Oh, it's too late to stop now. Mr. Basco, for the tenth time, I am not in charge of your case, and I do not have the time to search through all the files for your record. But please, Mr. Prentice, before the inspector comes to my house, holler out to everybody that Luigi Basco has got a high standard of living. Quiet, Mr. Basco. Will you please go home and wait for the inspector? You're only wasting your time. Oh, don't worry, I'ma get to no places to go today. Please, Mr. Prentice, if you're too busy, maybe you're gonna let me talk over to your boss. That's impossible, Mr. Basco. Mr. Kennedy is the district director for the whole Chicago area, and he's too busy a man. Then maybe, maybe you just open up his door and he yelling that the Bascos are gonna refrigerate the next week, or he shouldn't worry. What? I'm telling you, if he's away to one or more months, I'm not gonna have so much electric stuff in my kitchen, I'm not gonna blow all the diffusions. Mr. Basco, will you please go home? Not till I talk over to the boss. Mr. Kennedy cannot see you. Do you understand? He can't see you. A tomato, he's a forget his eyeglasses. Mr. Kennedy, I'ma didn't mean to start this so much trouble. Trouble? You've just about worn out my whole staff. Now I suggest you go home and wait for the inspector, Mr. Basco. No, no, no, please, Mr. Kennedy, don't send him back to Italy. Since I'm in America, I'm always acting like a good citizen, and I'm always obeying all of the laws. And my black is the biggest sign of post-no-bills. Believe me, I'ma never post it in my bills, I'ma take them straight to down into the gas company. What? And a box of the coffee drops that says, open this end, and it's even if nobody is to watch me, I'ma never want to try to open up the other end. And I'ma watch everywhere how to be good American. All over, I'ma read the biggest sign, don't neglect the 5,000-a-mile check-up. Mr. Kennedy, I'ma promise, as soon as I'ma finish your work on my first 5,000-a-mile in America, I'ma go in and put out the check-up. Really, Mr. Baskoff? And I'm even, I'm even, Mr. Prentice obeyed the radio. Once in answer, he says, send me 10 cereal boxy-tops. I'ma so sorry for him, I'ma send him the cereal, too. Please, Mr. Kennedy, don't, don't send me back to Italy. Mr. Baskoff, calm yourself and listen to me. I don't know what the charges are against you, but I strongly advise you to go home and wait for the inspector. But I'm afraid, please, look up on the record to see what I'ma did wrong. Mr. Baskoff, will you do as I say? But if you don't want to help me, maybe you'll get a bus. Maybe you'd like President Truman's home telephone number. Oh, thank you. What's his number? Good day! Finally showed up for 420. I suppose one of the things you learn in America is alakeness. Now, this gentleman learned the earlyness. He's been waiting for you for the last 30 minutes. Hello, Mr. Baskoff. I'm Mr. Knox from the Immigration and Nationalization Service. Mama, please, please, excuse me. I'ma sorry, I'ma let you put out the check-up. If you had a risk to watch, you would have come out of time. I was telling Mr. Knox I willing to improve your standard of living. As a matter of fact, Mr. Baskoff, I was looking around your antique shop and... Please, Mr. Knox, even though you don't see nothing, don't send me back to Italy. Believe me, I'ma just as a... Mr. Baskoff, there you are. Don't hide, everybody. Here comes my refrigerator. Look at that. Shoot, shoot. Let's listen. I told you I had an idea before. You want to show the immigration people you got at the high standard of living? So I am giving it a lift. I should listen. You don't bother to thank me. Just attach it before that nosy inspector gets here. Sure. Yeah. I get nosy for it. That's the nosy inspector. Yeah. But the important thing is that we got... Oh, hot. Oh, five. It's time for the refrigerator, Luigi. And I thought I would drop in and have a bite with you. Reason I came down here. I got it. I got it. I got it. I sneaked them out of the house. Look, Luigi, electric poster, waffle maker, a coffee maker. Even an electric knife sharpener. Well, that'll come in handy for cutting our throat. I know, Luigi, you can't speak. I know just how you feel. You have a hard of it, let's listen. I will be bold of wool over that inspector's eyes. I got it. Shoot. It was a marvelous idea. You had to bring this stuff over for Luigi. You're a genius, shoot. How do you do? I pleased to meet you. And I... I wish I was there. So, well, you just let me say that... Oh, Luigi, look what I brought you. No, no, no. My wife's electric eye, innit? No, no, no, no. Alcina, Alcina. I have to give Schultz credit for this whole wonderful life. I'm sorry. This may be smart in school, but Schultz, you have a certain practical knack. Yeah, but you don't know Alcina. No, no, no, no. What is the use? Let him talk, Luigi. Let him talk. I'm sure already I got one fourth part in Austria. Alcina, this isn't the inspector. Thank you, and you're off to that. Give me a cake, get your... Oh, oh, oh, it's your off. This is all very entertaining, but will you please explain to me what's going on around here? Mr. Inspector, my friends, it was all a mess of good, but it's everything of my fault. They would bring all those things from their house, so I should look like I'm a got a high standard of 11. And then if I'm a got a high standard of 11, you shouldn't have sent them back to prison. Mr. Baster, my reason for coming here was to find out why you didn't register between January 1st and January 10th as you're supposed to. Registered. You know, all aliens are required to register every year until they become citizens. Sure, and this year I'm a forgotten. You better come down tomorrow morning and register, Mr. Baster. You may get into a lot of trouble. Oh, sure, sure, Mr. Inspector, and then everything is going to be all right. You're not going to depart to me, huh? Mr. Baster, the reason we're so lenient about your failure to register is that we made a check on you first. We talked to your bank, your neighbors, and the people you do business with. Oh. It's true, you don't have the best financial account, but you couldn't have a better... Thank you. Your desire and promptness in getting an education is something we want all immigrants to take advantage of. I noticed on this old ice park, a library card that has been receiving quite some use. That's enough, and I'm... I'm a liker to read than to learn. The friends you've made speak well of me. And your antique shop, the love you must have for this country, couldn't be better shown. The conception some people have of a high standard of living, of you some change. And I think you could do it, Mr. Baster. Well, I've got to go now. Good day. Good day. Thank you, thank you. Good day, good day. Yeah, Mr. Baster, I want to talk to you. Yeah, well, now that everything is turned out so good. What do we do with all this talk? What are we going to do? What else? Plug in the toaster, plug in the waffle maker, plug in the coffee maker. You're old and horrid that you make some toast and waffles. I'm going to plug in the refrigerator and make some ice cubes for the wife. Yeah, and I'm going to shoot you. What am I going to do, huh? You, Luigi, you plug in the electric blanket and go to sleep. You have done enough for one day. I don't know what looked like the worst day of my life was it turned out to be the best. And now I'm just living for that big day when I'm going to register every year with the Americans. Come on, my man. My proudest days are going to come when I'm going to walk in at a boat and boot and I'm going to close up with the shower curtains and a boat for everybody on the ballot. You must go a little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that it's a good idea to carry a package of Wrigley's Spearmint Gum with you wherever you go. Chew a stick when you ought to freshen your taste or sweeten your breath. Feel a little tense or jittery. The smooth pleasant chewing will help you relax and feel more contented. You'll find times every day when Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum can help you feel better and get more enjoyment out of your work and other things you do. So make it a regular custom to carry a package of refreshing, delicious Wrigley's Spearmint Gum with you wherever you go. Just tuck it into your purse or pocket and you're always set for some fun. The makers of Wrigley's Spearmint Chewing Gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at this time when Luigi Basko writes another letter to his mama Basko in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Max Benoff and Lou Derman and directed by Mr. Benoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Basko with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Conrad as Schultz, Mary Schiff as Miss Faulding, Joe Forte as Horowitz and Ken Peters as Olson. The music is under the direction of Lud Bluskin. This is Charles Lyons. This is the CDS Radio Network.