 The Makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Cy Howard and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Pasquale. The Makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because they feel it's a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint whether you're working, shopping, listening to your radio or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum tastes good. It's refreshing. And the good-easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now, Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama Vasco in Italy. The first day of 1952. And for Americans, this means one thing. They only got a 360 shop in the days of the Christmas day. Oh, but for me, Mamma Mia, 1951 was a pretty good year. I had a good health to Mamma Mia. My antique business was made to me a living and the most important, I'm a finished year still and not to marry to Russia. Mamma Mia, that's Pasquale. He's never going to stop trying. This morning, he's a pusher. One of his little Pasquale palms under my door has to say, dear Luigi, happy new year. 11 kisses in 1952. Russia's are going to be your missus. But if you think you're going to be free, then you're never going to see 1953. Oh, Mamma Mia, I'm going to have so much to love in America. Even if it's a cold, the Chicago weather is beautiful. You go out at night to bundle up and you overcoat to walk in the snow. Can you feel like you could live 100 years? Then you come to the corner, Chicago winners will pick you up and you will settle for 10 minutes. And tonight, when I'm a walk to my night school, I'm so happy with a promise of a new year in America. I'm going to sing America, I love you. You're like a papa to me, promotion for you. Oh, here's a cold. I'm going to throw my blocks into the school. Oh, I think I'm a broke up on my bungee. What happened? What happened here? Let me help you up. No, no, please. It's all right, Mr. Butcherman. Do you break anything? No, don't worry. If I'm a broke, you decide to walk. I'm going to pay. Well, here, let me help you up. There. Now, how do you feel? Like a humpity-dumpity. My finger. Your finger. Well, that'll be covered by my public liability insurance. You don't think it's a better to cover it up with a bandage? Look, mister, here's my card. Name, address, everything. Any medical expenses you get, my insurance company will give you the damages. No, no, thanks. I'm already got the damages. Well, goodbye. I'm going to go to my night school. You had the most wonderful Christmas. Quiet, please. I'll call the roll. Mr. Butcherman. Here. And I'm going to wish you happy new year, Mr. Butcherman. Thank you, Mr. Butcherman. Mr. Harwood. The same for me to you. Thank you. Mr. Olsen. Miss Walding, I wish you a happy new year. May you attain your farthest dream to 1952. May all your slightest wishes become realities. May you enjoy good health, prosperity, peace of mind, and... Enough, Olsen. You are running into 1953 and four. Walding, seriously, I also want to wish you a happy new year. Oh, thank you, Mr. Schultz. And now, fellas, I propose a toast to the smartest, the kindest, the most beautiful teacher in the whole Cacaride country, our own Miss Walding. Class, I don't know what to say. Well, now we've got to all soften up. Today we can be as stupid as we like. Don't be too sure. Class, let's see if we can't be just a little more attentive this year. Let 1952 be a really big year for all of us. Himmel, she sounds like a determined Republican. Schultz, I think we could all learn a great deal more in 1952 if you would cut out all your foolish tongue foolery. While you're clowning around, you are slowing down the progress of the whole class. Oh, Miss Walding! Olsen, why don't you find out before you speak? Ask the class. Well, better still I ask them. Louisie, do I hold you back? Horowitz? Miss Walding? Schultz? Himmel, even I refuse to stick up with myself. Mrs. Schultz, you should make a resolution that this year you'll, well, hold your exuberance a little more in check. No, Miss Walding. No, no. If the class honestly feels that I'm holding back their education, then... I feel it is my duty to resign from night school and finish life with my natural ignorance. No, no, no. Schultz had done it, said that. You're talking foolish, Schultz. Nobody wants you to go. No, I didn't mean that personally, Schultz. I want you to stay. Well, thank you, fellow boobers. Well, I'm back, everybody! Get ready to enjoy me! Schultz, I'm afraid we'll just have to take you as you are. Now, let's begin the lesson. Oh, goodness, it's Duffy in here. Mr. Basker, would you open one of those windows? Well, I'm sorry, Miss Walding, but... Mike, I'm... I'm hurt when I'm a fall down in a weather school. You don't sell a witch. Where did you fall? In the front of a store. Did you get any witnesses? No. Did you get the name of the insurance company? No. I can read you did it all wrong. You better go back there and fall again! Basker, you say you fell in front of a store. Did you tell a proprietor? No, but he's a semi-fall and he's a commodity and he said that he's got the insurance. Then you got nothing to worry about. You go to your doctor and if you got a legitimate claim, they will take care of you. Well, thanks, friends. But I'm going to like to buy a nobody. I'm just hoping it's not cost me money because I'm hopeless quality two months' rent already and I'm going to take care of that the first. Besides, you can't trust those insurance companies. You know, I remember six winters ago, my cousin Hugo fell outside of the gas store and zoo. For three years the case dragged on in the court and you know what the judge finally decided? Who had the shoes? That cousin Hugo had no right to go belly-bopping with a sled at his age. I'm smiling, Luigi. I thought I would be fooling. Everything is going to be alright. Now smile, Luigi. That might be like me. Always happy, always laughing. My rheumatism is killing me. My friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, Pascale. Why you got your thumb in that part of hot water? Don't tell me meat's getting that expensive. No, Pascale. It's just a little sprain at times. Well, if that's all, it's a nothing. I just come in to wish you happy 1952, little banana nose. Thank you, Pascale. And a happy 1952 to you, too. Thank you, Luigi. By the way, 1952's are going to be a very important year in America. Can you guess why? They're going to vote for the president. No, something more important. Maybe it's a meeting of the big three. Even more important than that. I give up, Pascale. Why is the 1952 going to be such a big year for America? It's a leap year. I mean, Rosa can propose it to you. She can? You lucky pups, you. You're going to get together. Well, mommy, that's going to be a meeting of the bigger six. Well, Pascale, what's a this leap year? Leap year, an absolute do to bachelor's what a fly paper does at the flies. Well, mommy, already my tumbers are going to feel worse already. What's with the tumour business? Let me take a little look. Pascale, why are the tumbers so red and all this swollen up? Why? Because you've been pot-roasted it all day. Tell me, how did this happen? This is catastrophe. Pascale, I fell down in a slippery ice in the front of the butcher's store. Then a butcher's come out and he says insurance company covers everything, but I'm going to want to make it rubber- Insurance company? What a dope I was. Luigi, put the tum back in the hot water. We've got to blow it up a little more. The butcher says insurance companies are going to pay. We're going to make you so much money with this tum, you could afford to throw away the rest of your fingers. Pascale, you're crazy. What are you talking about? I'm talking about insurance. I'm talking about a gold mine. Believe me, Luigi, that flop was the smartest thing you ever did since you came to America. Yeah, but Pascale, I'm going to tell you, I'm going to want to make it trouble. I'm still not the citizen. What are you talking about? If you get a hurt, then you've got insurance, you've got a sue. If you don't, that's un-American. I'm going to want to be in America. Luigi, you don't know how lucky you are. Look, you owe me for two months to rent, right? Yes, sir. I'm willing to forget about that rent on a condition you let me handle your case. First of all, what's the case? It's only spraying the tum. That's not so important. Only a tum, Luigi, just stop it to think how important a tum is. One finger holds the nickel, you drop it on the telephone. Tum? One finger pinches back the skin on the face and holds it while you shave it. Tum? Uh-huh. One finger you wet when you turn a page in a book. Tum. Luigi, do you realize you've been maimed for life? Now, because you fell, everybody's going to go around the corner and you may me. First of all, please, I'm going to want to know trouble. What trouble? I told you, suing for damages. That's the biggest America in the past time. First of all, I'm all mixed up. I don't even know what this insurance thing is all about. All right, relax. I'm going to explain. In America, they've got hundreds of kinds of insurance. First, there's a plain life insurance. That's not so good, because you don't get a rich unless you die first. And then they've got a fire, auto liability, a property damage, and a time insurance. That's for presidents only. Guarantees them income while they save it out their time. They got insurance for everything, huh? You wouldn't have believed this, Luigi. They even got a boglory insurance. Ugly insurance? Sure, I didn't show it as a bugler, sir. In case the broker is running away from the cops, he drops his money, sure his company pays him back everything he lost. First of all, what kind of insurance is it for my thumb? Well, your thumb is your property, so you cover my property damage. Oh, first of all, you're so smart. I'm glad you agree. Now, you leave everything in the first of all, in the hands. You know, when it comes to business, even that smart American, Andrew Mellon, never had a head like a mind. Oh, you're so right, the Pascale. Nobody ever had a melon head like you. That's a funny thing. When I'm saying it, it's a come out of different. Luigi, what do you say? Am I going to handle you claim? Well, we're not the Pascale. You know everything about it, such a thing, kind of besides that you're willing to forget my two-month serenity. You got a pretty good ahead of the business of yourself. All right, well, look, you signed a paper giving me all the money I went for new insurance to claim after all it's just a thumb, and I'm willing to forget a two-month serenity. All right, Pascale. Wait, there's nothing written on this paper. Luigi, in America, is a law, a corpse, a kind of sign, his own death certificate. Oh. All right. Pascale, how much money are you going to ask for my thumb? Well, I'm going to write the McLean's letter. Let me see. From you, terrible of fall, you've got a fraction in the head, brain in conclusion, broken kneecaps, punctual head drums. Luigi, I'm not going to ask for a lot of just $100,000. $100,000? Yeah, and I don't want you shouldn't get left out, so after the company pays me the $100,000, I'm going to ask for something for you. For me, what? A new body. Before we return to life with Luigi, here's a New Year's suggestion from the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum. These next 365 days are going to be busy days for most of us, and you'll probably be going at a hard, fast pace most of the time. And if you are, that familiar little package of Wrigley's Spear Mint gum will be a mighty, helpful companion to you. Yes, when you're working hard, chewing a stick of refreshing Wrigley's Spear Mint gum now and then certainly helps you stand the gaffe. The good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction, helps relieve pent-up tension, so your work seems easier and goes smoother and faster. Millions of people know from experience that chewing Wrigley's Spear Mint gum is a real help on the job. You ought to try it. Always keep a package of Wrigley's Spear Mint gum handy while you're working. Chew a stick from time to time and see what a difference the smooth, pleasant chewing makes. Now let's turn to page two of Luigi Vasco's letter to his mother in Italy. Mamma mia! Pasquale, is it? Give me a note that says, my two-room Montserrant is all paid up. Then he's sat down and wrote long letter to the insurance company telling them what's wrong with me. Mamma mia! If everything he's to say about to me is true, I don't know how I'm able to write this letter. But right now I'm sitting here in my store wondering if I'm a good writer when suddenly I'm going to visit her. Luigi, my fellow boob! Tell me, how's the sound? Ach, Luigi, why are you bent in half like that? That's Pasquale's orders. He's to say, I'm going to walk this away for a couple of months. What? And the bandage on the head. Pasquale's orders? He says my brain was a pusher round and by the fall I'm going to push him back together. Uh-huh. And the cane. I'm going to use the cane to tell him my tractor hill's all over. Him and Luigi is that Pasquale got you for shimmels. Luigi, why are you doing all of this? I get it two months to rent a free. And Pasquale, what does he get? A hundred thousand dollars. That sounds reasonable. Luigi, if you keep this up, you know where you're going to enjoy that two months free rent? Where? In Zing Zing. A hundred thousand dollars? How do you know he gets that much? Well, because I must sign the letter that's asking for it. He's signed, all of a sudden, he's the Italian John Hancock. For what you did, Luigi, they could hang you, then give you the electric chair, then give you twenty years in chain. So what am I going to do? Look, Luigi, we've got to act quick. Listen to me and do just what I say. Correct. When the insurance company gets that Pasquale's letter, right away they're going to send for you to examine you. You mean, what a doctor? After what Pasquale wrote about you, it'll probably be a coroner. Anyway, when you get up before the doctor, don't say anything. Just let him examine you. I shouldn't say nothing at all. That's a good, huh? Yeah, at least you'll stay out of more trouble and they'll make their own decision. All right, I'd like to show some Amazon. And for goodness sake, Luigi, throw away that head bandage and that cane. All you need is a five in your mouth to look like the spirit of 70 thick. Doctor, what do you think of that letter? It's fantastic, Denzberger. I've examined thousands of cases for the insurance company, but this Basco claim has them all beat. Our claims department has already verified that Basco did fall outside of the butcher shop. A hundred thousand dollars? What did he fall on, one of the steers? Doc, read that PS on the bottom of his letter. All right. PS, besides those things mentioned in the first nine pages, I'm also got spots in front of my eyes, terrible headaches, and my ears ring so much they wake me up in the morning. I'm a don't use alarm clock. Keep reading, doc. Also, my feet hurt, I can't move my left hand and last night I got a bad attack of golf stones. I suppose he means golf stones. I suppose. Well, I sent for the man. Doctor, Mr. Basco's here for his examination. Good, good. Well, Denzberger, you'd better go now. I'll see if we can get to the bottom of Mr. Basco's trouble. Well, give it to him good, doc. Leave it to me. Hello, you here, director? Yeah, come in, Mr. Basco. Have a seat. You must be tired. Thank you. Now, now then, Mr. Basco, will you tell me exactly what's wrong with you? No, you're telling me. I see. Well, before I examine you, Mr. Basco, tell me, are there any hypochondriacs in your family? No, we're all Italians. Except, except maybe Uncle Pietro's a goatherd. We don't know what he is. That's a shame. Let me jot down a few facts about your medical history. Do you have tonsils? No, I had them out to... Adnoids? Out to... How are your teeth? They're in it. I mean, do they give you any trouble? Oh, no, I'm gonna get a lot of pleasure from them. Well, let's have a look. Open wide, please. Yeah, that's wide enough. Not one filling. You mean, are they all empty inside? I mean, they look perfect. Mr. Basco, among other things, the letter states that your left ankle was fractured. How does it feel now? You look, doctor, huh? Whatever you say is gonna be finer with me. Take off your left shoe, please. And the sock. Sure. And the sock, please. I'ma took off with the sock. Mr. Basco, you have a sock on that foot. Oh, that's what the second pair was. I called it today. Will you remove it, please? Oh, sure. All right. Now, let me feel that ankle bone. Ooh. Doesn't feel broken. That's a goodie. Hmm? Yeah, all right, Mr. Basco. You may stick out your tongue, please. Uh-huh. Thank you. You may put it back now. Thank you, doctor. It was a start to feel a-called it. Yeah. Mr. Basco, you claim several fractures. Now, supposing you swing your left hand over your head. Now, swing your right hand up and down. Now, bend down and touch your toes. Again. Again. Now, how does that feel? I have to feel so good. I'ma gonna do this every morning. All right. Now, take off your shirt, please. Shirt? Why? I want to examine your heart. You're gonna see it better with my shirt off? I listen with my stethoscope. All right. Off, please. Off again. In the other direction. Again. Come on, mommy. That's the summer doctor you're coming to his office. He should have given you a coffee. Mr. Basco, just what does ale you as a result of your fall? I know. I'ma gonna let you tell him me. I see. Hold out your arm, please. That's the arm. What are you gonna do? I'm gonna stick this needle in to get a sample of your blood. Then I'll put drops in your eyes. I'll have you x-rayed, fluoroscoped, and cardiographed. Then the materialism test. Then you'll be scratched 30 or 40 times to test your allergy claims. And that will be only the beginning. Oh, no, for me, it's the end. Go back. Mr. Basco, I'ma feel a terrible... Look, honey, you're no cold or no hot. The shirt, the hanging out, the one shoe off, the one shoe in your hand. You look like a husband that's sneaking home from a New Year's party. Oh, Mr. Basco, I'ma have to watch the time of my life. I'ma went to the insurance company. What? There goes in my $100,000. Luigi, the way I describe your condition, you couldn't have moved a one-inch, even if you was a going downhill in an oxygen tanker. Who told you to go to the insurance company? Well, you're not gonna like it, but... Oh, come on. Sure, sir, he's advised me. Ooh, that a pastrami peddler. All right, all right, go ahead and finish it. What happened in the insurance company? The doctor says I'ma do me. Goodbye. I'ma lucky if I get a half, a hundred thousand an hour. Luigi, I hope that he accidentally found something terrible wrong with you. I don't think so, Mr. Pascuali. You don't think so, eh? No. That's your gratitude, eh? After all the trouble I went through, you couldn't even have dropped dead in the doctor's office. I'ma sorry, Mr. Pascuali. You're sorry, Mr. Pascuali. I don't like the view sour in us. Luigi, my lion about your health and that claims letter, they got you on a fraud charge. They got me. Pascuali, you wrote the letter. And who signed it, little banana nose? Me. No, if I had the wings of an angel over the depression... No, no, no, no, no, Pascuali. Pascuali, you got to tell him the truth. Don't talk to me, you lion of criminals. Pascuali, please, please help me. All right, all right. I'm willing to make the sacrifice and tell them the truth. If you're willing to make a certain sacrifice, it's for me. Pascuali, don't ask him, Mr. Marry, Rosa. Course not, Luigi. Oh, thank you. Salipi, Rosa's gonna ask you. Rosa, Rosa! Rosa, can you see my little dumpling? Rosa, say hello to Luigi. Hello, Rosa. Rosa, it's a leap year today and everything is a turn around of this year. Everything's turn around? Yes, you're my darling and daughter. Go ahead, ask Luigi. All right. Luigi, you want to be my bride? That's sweet, eh? Leap year, everything's at the opposite, Luigi. The woman takes her to man's rights. The man takes her to woman's rights. This year, Luigi Basco is the woman. Who's that? Mommy, I asked the doctor for my insurance company. Well, Luigi, come on, make up your mind. All right, Pascuali, I'm scared. All right, I'm gonna marry him. Good, good. But it's all the truth, remember? I promise. Good evening, gentlemen. I'm here to talk to you, Mr. Basco, about your claim. Pascuali, tell him. Look, Mr. Doctor, the whole thing was just a little joke. You see, I wrote that letter for Basco here, and I talked to him in the signing it, but just for a joke, you understand? Mr. Basco, I'm willing to forget about the claim letter. It was, of course, ridiculous. However you did slip and fall due to the negligence of one of our clients, and we are ready to compensate you for any medical expenses you incurred. Up to a reasonable amount, of course. All right. Here's a custom here. $0.15 a censor for the epsom assaults, $0.10 a censor for the manager. Give me $0.25, I'mma forget the whole thing. $0.25? Look, Mr. Doctor, how's about all his mental sufferings? All right, mental sufferings. He could have gone nuts, you know. Sure. Sure. Would have been an improvement. How much do you want for your mental suffering, Mr. Basco? $0.30. $0.30 and $0.25 is $0.55. No, no, it's only $0.05 a censor for the suffering. It's a total of $0.30. Well, if that's all you're going to ask, how's about my mental suffering, huh? Well, me, you can't improve it, you know. Yeah. Nowhere to go from here. All right. We'll send you a minimum check, Mr. Basco. Good evening, gentlemen. Well, Luigi, the whole thing's finished. Are you okay? Yeah, he's a gonon. And I'mma get it two months to rent the free. All right, you didn't forget, eh? No. All right, two months to rent the free. And my daughter Rosa. No, Pasquale, no daughter Rosa. What? Luigi, you promised. Pasquale, you said it before this was a leap year and I'mma got to play the woman's part. So what? So a woman has got a right to change her mind. Luigi, come out! Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint chewing gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that refreshing delicious Wrigley's Spear Mint gum can make every day of this new year a little pleasanter and easier for you. You can chew Wrigley's Spear Mint at work, at play, out walking, riding just about any time and any place. It freshens your taste, sweetens your breath, and the good smooth chewing always give you enjoyment and satisfaction. So friends, this year, make it accustomed to your healthful refreshing Wrigley's Spear Mint gum often every day. Wrigley's Spear Mint costs so little, tastes so good, and will help make 1952 a happy new year for you. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint gum invite you to listen next week at this same time. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production, Pat Burton, associate producer. The script is written by Mack Benhoff and Lou Dermond, directed by Mr. Benhoff. J. Carol Nash is starred as Luigi Bascoe, with Alan Reed as Pasquale, Hans Connery as Joe, Jody Gilbert as Rosa, Mary Schiff as Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. The music comes in the direction of Ludguston, this is Charles Lyon as the CBS Radio Network. Thank you.