 Your Coca-Cola bottler presents Claudia based on the famous play and novels by Rose Franken Brought to you transcribed Monday through Friday by your friendly neighbor who bottles Coca-Cola Relax and while you're listening refresh yourself. Have a Coke and now Claudia oh Come on David have a little more cream. Nope. No, thanks. Oh poor Majesty giving us all this cream for now Well, I guess I'll have some more take the whole picture full of you. I have never seen such slush David have you ever seen such slush such slush? Yes Where well, where do you think where where would slush be? I'm sure I wouldn't know the marmalade, please right here Listen, don't put your nose back in your paper. I haven't finished you haven't even begun because I'm going to the office I am still talking. Well, that's just exactly why I'm going And don't you try being stern with me you're punk at it. I can't win. That's all David when you be home home early. I may never come home at all I wouldn't blame you was a lovely quiet breakfast until a little woman that I know started talking about Slush terrible about slush because that same little woman must think that I'm a sack Did I say that? Practically when you think you can put it over on me. Don't you? Well, you haven't got a chance not a chance What are you talking about? You think I don't know why you mentioned slush. Oh, so casually Was there a reason? If I hadn't so carefully Deviated the conversation Oh, what a lovely word sounds like something the dentist. Are you listening to me? Yes Well, if I hadn't allowed it you would have gone on from slush to wet roads to Puddles in the sidewalk and from puddles in the sidewalk to rain and from rain to my wearing a raincoat and an umbrella, right? Well, you don't wear an umbrella David. You carry look me in the eye. Was that your insidious plot? Well, as a matter of fact, I hadn't thought of the umbrella business You you don't look like an umbrella But but the rest was your pop plot now wasn't it the defense rest the defense Well, I never I am the defense my good man Here I take all the trouble of figuring out a subtle way advising you where raincoat All I get is in so I Am I'm outraged. What's the matter? Don't you have the courage to come right on out and tell me that? Oh, I don't have the courage and it's all your fault. Just for that. I will not wear all right Don't walk around and slush up to your ankles. It doesn't matter to you that you just had a cold Over three weeks ago. I'm not going to worry. I try to hint softly doesn't work I'm too smart for you. I try to advise it doesn't I will not be pampered pamper your son if you must but leave me out of it I'd pamper your son. You'd ring my neck bet your sweet life. I would Hey, where's my coat in the closet? Where do you think in the closet? You're right David Roger wears robbers. He wanted just the other night. I saw him Roger is 20 years older than I that's all the more reason to follow his example Years more experience than you where is my brief on the chair? I suppose you think robbers aren't mad That has nothing to do with it. Nothing much Salomon men's shoe stores. Don't what's men's shoe stores got to do well They're designed to be worn over men's shoes. Aren't they? Oh, don't you bought a pair at one time or another didn't you? No, I certainly didn't well Well, you forgot one thing I did what that is a waste of money to have bought them and not to wear them Oh, oh, I hadn't thought of that, but it is. I know it. Thanks. You hadn't thought of that Well the way your mind runs to pennies and sands. Well, it's a cinch. I have more sense than you Now that does it. I thought it would Now I'll tell you I was going to wear my rubbers. I was perfectly willing to wear them Till you just cracked that lowly pun David. You're fooling. I'm not fooling I was going to wear them all along. Oh Well, I thought you would but I enjoy arguing Mm-hmm. No sure quick. I'll get them before you change now. Wait a minute first a promise You mean a blind promise? I'm not a blind right just just a promise that you'll never tell me to wear them again You must take me for an idiot. I'll take you any old way. Oh sweet But promise nothing doing all right. All right. Goodbye David You'll be sopping wet by the time you get into the car promise. Oh, I suppose I oh All right, I know no fingers crossed. Oh, look. Well, I don't trust you. Well, I don't trust you Go on get in the car and get your rubbers out Before I bat my eyelashes you'll disappear without them. I bet you're I like those rubbers must be moldy by now That's exactly the way I like a nice moldy rubber. That's the best way Hey, put the light on in the closet. I don't need it. Your rubbers are way back on the floor someplace. You better put the light on Oh, all right, I'll do it. I'll do it Hey, it's certainly a nice bright light isn't it? David you'll get your hands dirty. Oh my rubber. I told you darling in the back on the floor I can't find them. Oh, of course you can find them. Of course, of course, of course only I can maybe they must be there I saw them there. Oh, how do I know when I saw them? That's enough I ever let myself go to get that coat out Darling, what do you have down there? I don't know. I haven't the slightest idea. Galoshes, maybe. David listen If you can't find your rubbers, you can always Oh Well for heaven's sakes my leather mitten. I've been looking for it for a week Yeah, fine little housekeeper you turned out to be. Well, anybody can lose a mitten Even a kitten. Oh found one. Here's one Good throw it out All these coats I didn't know we had so many coats. We don't have so many coats. They're all around my neck. I'm suffocating Hey, here's something else. Oh good. What's that? I don't know. Have a look Well for heaven's sakes mama's handbag. She's looking for it before she left Wonder what I'm doing on the floor in the closet. You know dying sister baby creeps around everything disappears David it must be in there. I distinctly saw two and you know a rubber can't walk off all by itself And if you didn't keep the card table in here, there might be more room There's no other place to put the card table. I'm the kind of housekeeper who doesn't like things showing I'm the kind of housekeeper that likes to find things where they belong. What are you complaining about? David you have the second rubber right there in your hand. I had a devil of a time finding it in that closet It's darker down there on that floor than the black hole of Calcutta Oh, I didn't know you've been to Calcutta and another reincarnation Fine way to start a day. I must say I think you were a squirrel in another reincarnation I have to comb my hair all over again terrible tragedy. Well, if I made you crawl around on the floor of that closet I'd never hear the end of it. I'm a woman woman has it makes no difference at all My mind was never unchained Darling, don't you want to sit on the chair so you don't break your neck? No, I have perfect balance People with perfect balance break their necks, too Probably even more often. How do you do that? Well? Firstly because they're so proud of their perfect balance that they take chances people without perfect balance would have the sense not to take Very convincing argument. I thought There See I have one rubber on already Well, you were probably standing on your good foot. No, both of my feet are good. Thank you Well, no credit to you hate rubbers. They remind me of when I had a governess that poor woman She must have had to have infinite patience David Going to break your neck. I'm warning you Managed well, so I see Confounded rubber won't go on The other foot went on all right. I can't understand it. It should fit Well, maybe your good feet are different after all my shoes aren't oh, David. Listen, please sit down You know, that's what these chairs in the front hall are for Something must be to matter with this rubber once you sit down darling, you'll see how simple it is It doesn't fit any better sitting down. They did standing up now No wonder no wonder what it's a rubber for my left foot What a rubber for my left foot and I'm trying to get it on my right foot Well, then you must have the rubber for your right foot on your left foot switch around. No my left rubber is on my left foot I'd have had more trouble getting it on Well, that is certainly clear Just have two left-handed rubbers. That's all You know, that's what it is two left-handed rubber. That's great Convenient all right. I wonder how darling maybe when you bought the robbers you had two left feet Could be it was quite a quite a while ago Attractive with two left feet. Yeah, I was I I walk kind of sidewise like this. You see me One foot was pigeon-toed and one foot was slew On the street, isn't that lovely when I walk down the street everybody turned around look at me Yeah, oh, I wish I'd known you then come to think of it. Whoever it was who took my Right rubber and left me his left one Come to think of it now. Hmm. He must have two right feet Say that's true Well, I hadn't thought of that. Let's see think hard. Yes, I'm thinking now. Who do we know with two right feet? I Will bet you that half the people we know have two right feet only we don't know it Yeah, but but who's been up here with two right feet and robbers? Only Roger Roger How happy that partner of mine must have been when he spied my right rubber I'll bet a man with two right feet has a terrible time buying a pair of rubber So he has to go around snitching the right feet of his friends Wait till I get my hands on him poor Roger. Well, I am on my way David the robbers What about them? Why aren't you gonna wear them? Fun is fun darling, but I have not got To left feet fun is fun But Roger hasn't got two right feet either so if he can you can't put them on now go on force yourself David you promised me a promise did I do that you did in a moment of weakness? No, I Cannot go back on my promise In that case, I should wear my rubber good. I didn't promise to wear anybody else's so I should wear only mine David now you can't go running around in one robber. Oh, who says I can't well all the other commuters a whisper and talk Who cares I should wear my one rubber and no more the other doesn't fit so it's one or none at all Personally, I think it's a very happy compromise David. You're such an idiot. What are you gonna do with the other one? Bring it into Roger and exchange it for mine. See I can wear it We're on my left hand. See oh, of course. It fits perfectly. They look stunning. Oh Well, goodbye David Don't you even want to shake rubbers with me? I do not and all I can say is if I were walking down the street with you I wouldn't know you. Okay. Bye. Bye. David watch out for the slush. You'll get your foot wet Listen hop David Please for heaven's sakes hop Gonna be home for lunch tomorrow Want to give you a noon meal a special touch without a bit of trouble Bring a home a carton of coca-cola today and have a nice cold bottle of delicious coke with your sandwich or salad It's so easy and so pleasant to lunch refreshed. Hey, Joe You wouldn't happen to have two left feet with you Well, let me have a look. No, I guess I have one of each David how inconvenient of you now I'll have to carry this rubber all the way into town. That's a tough life And sure is you don't know how tough it is and how wet now then Claudia was right. It's very slushy out I'm oh, I meant wet with milk with what with milk our cow is flooding us with milk, Joe I mean it she gives us 20 quarts a day For a small family that is a lot of milk. I'll say it is what are you gonna do about it so far? I've been drinking it, but we'll have to figure something out. Would you like a bottle? Oh, no, thanks I'll have a coke. Hey, you better rush for that train there David hop for heaven's sakes hop man Every day Monday through Friday Claudia comes to you transcribed with the best wishes of your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola So listen again tomorrow at the same time And now this is Joe King saying or if you are and Remember whoever you are whatever you do wherever you may be when you think of refreshment Think of coca-cola For coca-cola makes any pause the pause that refreshes and ice-cold coca-cola is everywhere These broadcasts are adapted for radio by mania star and the entire production is supervised and directed by William Brown Maloney And now here's a word from your friendly neighbor who bottles coca-cola