 Hey there friends, how's it going? My name is Kevin and today we are playing BitLife, where we'll be taking on the role of Monopoly Man and trying to buy up as much property as we can and just become the best capitalist we can be. Oh, alright, let's start a new life. Okay, my name is literally gonna be Monopoly Man. I was looking for a place of origin and it randomly picked place. That's convenient, I'll do that. Start Monopoly's life. Oh god, it's gonna be the longest game Monopoly ever. There's gonna be so much anger. I'm depressed and I'm only, what age am I, 6? God damn. I don't have enough capitalism in my life, so I'm depressed. Well, I look awful and I feel awful. While reading in your class, you look up and see your classmate Ava eating a piece of candy that was sitting on the teacher's desk. Charger, for some reason. And uppercut her neck. The damage! Wait, Turg is starting to bully me? Feckin' Turg-Turg. Do you not think this is a bad idea? I attack people for eating candy when they shouldn't be. And my parents have divorced. Probably my fault, realistically. Look how pissed off he looks. He looks so sad. Turn that frown upside down. Oh no, wait, don't do that, that's terrifying. Your friends are all joining YouTube, what will you do? Sign up, it's a good idea. Trust me. My mother remarried. Okay, great, he has lots of money. I'm gonna need that soon. Now you're a stepfather, you're wondering how to address him. Just call him dude. Just become an escort in erect bombshells. I got rejected. Why? He's so moody. I need a job if I want to become the best capitalist to ever capitalize. Yes, I got a job as an exorcist. Great. Got lots of siblings to beg for money. Yes, they're all giving me money. You're not getting this back by the way. I hope you understand this is not a loan. I was gonna try and ask this three year old for some money. Please. Okay, look at all that money I just begged for. And that cured me of depression. Who says you can't buy happiness, huh? This is when he discovered his true love. Money. Oh my god, I found a good job. That'll give me a lot of money for being a cameraman. I don't need education. But the question is, which of these cookies do you like the best? I can't choose just one. Surely that'll get me. Yes, that got me the job. 52 grand a year now. You're intently working at the computer and suddenly they're snickering behind you. You turn to witness their coworker. Nick has reached inside your gym bag. And is now holding your soil boxes. No, look, I'm just so dedicated to my job that I just do it where I sit. I had to talk with him and then he attacked me. Can I do something about this? Can I sue him? I can't think of anyone to sue right now. He just hit me with a frying pan and I'm like, God, God, I wish there was someone I could sue around here. I got promoted. Oh, I guess this is kind of a like, oh look, could you just keep this on the down low? We'll give you a promotion. Look how sad Nick looks. I outrank him now. Your mother has asked you to take a nap in a bed at a furniture store. I'm a bit too busy being a capitalist right now to spend time with my mother. Thank you. All right, we have 67,000. What can I invest this in? Maybe we should invest in a bit of property. You know, start buying up the lesser squares like the little light blues or the browns or something. They pay off, you know. I do kind of want to buy this paddle boat though. That's pretty cheap. Yeah, I'll buy that. Thank you. The first thing I've ever bought in life was a $113 paddle boat that is almost broken. The fact that I worked hard for it makes it so much more enjoyable, you know, in that little oversized washing basin on the river. Okay, manufactured home. Condition pretty good. Yeah, buy it with cash. Yes, I bought a home. You tried to start a conversation with your supervisor, Dirk, about who makes the best bit-life videos on YouTube. Okay. He told you to shut up and get back to work. Can I afford another house yet? I want another house, but I can afford this condo or a loft or studio. I could afford the loft and the studio. Brown squares, brown squares, brown squares. Stepsister quality time. I know the internet too well to know that that is a bad idea. You just realized that your co-worker, Rachel, stole your personal belongs and put them up for sale inside a vending machine? What? What is wrong with the people at my work? And they even give me the little clown emoji because I'm such a fool. I'm reporting you to my supervisor. He told me to get back to work. Why does my supervisor hate me? They won't promote me. I feel like I'm in a dead-end job, even though I'm getting paid a lot. But I just want more money. Dirk Feckin hates me. I'm never gonna move up the rank. Give him a gift. Wait, what? They're launching an investigation? For me trying to give him an air purifier. Someone attacked me and you did nothing. He still works here. I can buy another home. Yeah, town home. Look at that. That is lovely. Buy it with cash. My God, my paddle boat. Sinking endless money into it and it keeps breaking. Can someone give me some money? I'm here. I own like four properties and I just keep asking for more and more money. He gave me 1,500. Oh, but mom gave me more. Sorry. I was just about to say you're better than the stepdad, but mom gave me a lot. So I need another profession, I think. Why do I need work experience of being a foot model? It's totally different. I knew I should have started an only fans for my feet. I knew it would come in handy. What about my supervisor giving me a promotion? Please. Yes, ask for a promotion. He has no more positions available. So I can't even climb, but I need more money. Do you understand how much the dark blues cost? All right. Apply for the apprentice cameraman. Are you a goal-oriented person? Marks goals and I love working. Oh no. Yes, I got the job and my co-workers are immediately starting rumors about me. Why? Why are you like this? Maybe by buying up more of the neighborhood I'll earn the respect. I'm not even like renting these out. Oh, I got a promotion though. That's good. I'm a cameraman again. I was a cameraman. I took a job as an apprentice cameraman. Then they promoted me to cameraman. Oh no. My paddle boat needs to repair. Boss, I need a raise. 11 bucks. Like, he's still a child, I think. This has been such a stressful few years. I'm gonna take the paddle boat out, I think. Look at that. He loves his paddle boat. Every few years he takes it out. It has the time of his life. All right. You know what? I think it's time we try and move up in the world. I love being a cameraman. He gives me lots of money. I've plenty of property. I'd like more if I could, but I think I need a new job to really push the limit of what I can do as a monopoly man. My net worth is only 293,000. I need more. I need to at least hit a million. Mom, stop trying to hang out with me. I'm busy. I told you seven years ago. I don't have time for this. Okay, Olivia over here. It's trying to force us to buy thin mince to support her daughter's girl scout troop. You know what? I'm reporting you. I tried to give someone a gift and I got reported. I'm reporting you. Your supervisor, Jamilia, called you a bird brain. Great. Fantastic. I can't win no matter what I do. My only solution is to try and kill my boss, I think. Yeah, he's willing to pull off the hit. Yeah, hire him. Yes. He used a flamethrower. Could have probably been a bit more subtle, but it worked. Yes. Look at this. Dash guy. Look at how cool he looks. Yo, guys, I'm Dash and I'm going to give you all raises and everything. He told me to shut up. I'll kill you next. I'm so miserable again. And now my dad died as well. Oh, he gave me a lot of money, though. That's kind of cool. Oh, my paddle boat. It needs a repair. This is the worst thing that happened all day. Sorry, I can't make Dad's funeral. I got to repair my paddle boat. It's like 30 years old now at this point. All right, lingerie model might be a good step, but I'm going to have to look really good for this. I just want something with a high ceiling that I can, you know, work my way up. Porn writer. That's not bad pay for that. Let's get a lot of surgery first. It's what Dad would have wanted. Oh, God, there's so much. I'll just say one everything. There, I'm looking good now. 89%. Keep going, doc. What more can you do? All right. Now try and write some pornography. I'm not the type of individual they're looking for. What about model? My guy looks so good. He doesn't need experience. They answered the phone and laughed at my face. Why? No. My paddle boat is no longer seaworthy and it's beyond repair. Why do I have to scrap it? Why can't I bury it or something? At least give me an opportunity to mourn. Amazing. While filming Christian Bale, you realize you were about to sneeze, which you know will infuriate the actor. You know what? Let it go. Let the spotlight shine on me for a change. I've been feeling like I'm one problem away from a total meltdown. It's just in there mixed in his little bio. My net worth is over half a million now. Hmm. All right. Let's throw the money into a ranch style home for now. So at least that can be appreciating, much like my paddle boat did for me. What would I have done without my paddle boat? While eating at a restaurant, you see a woman breastfeeding a child who appears to be about five years old. YouTube that. I recorded a video of a woman breastfeeding a five-year-old child in a restaurant and then shared it on social media. That's the highlight of his life, I think. If I can't get a promotion, can I at least have a raise or something? Dash is aging horribly, by the way. Not like Monopoly Man here. He looks the same as he did when he was 15. But no raise, huh? Well, how about I go work for someone else? They probably welcome it, since everyone in my job hates me. Look at this. Almost 100 grand a year. Oh, a porn actor. Apply. Ah, I don't meet the requirements. All right. What about the better cameraman job then? Do you prefer to call or text? I prefer to talk in person. I was rejected. Okay. All right, sorry millennials. Sorry for being a boomer. While out for a walk, you see a lady tied to railroad tracks. What will you do? Look the other way. Look, life's been unfair on me. It's time for me to deal out some of these unfair situations. What if we just try and be a better person somehow? I don't know how I would do that. Maybe if I was in a relationship of some sort? No, you don't have money. You're not my type. Find another date. No, not enough money. Oh, that's more like it. And real estate as well. Ah, yes. Good job dating that lady. What's her name? Oh, you two are made for each other because she has money and you love money. Have a conversation. This is risky because anytime I open them out, people hate me my entire life. She liked it. And we had a stupid conversation about celebrity doppelgangers and she loved it. Besser and Jack confessed to you that he is cocaine in the bathroom at work. Report him. He attacked me. He severed my booty. Not my booty. Can I sue him now? Is that possible? I would like to sue him for severing my booty, please. Damage is 50 grand. Yes! Funny microphone. Let's go ring shopping and try and propose here. This is an investment. She has a lot of money. This one. Alexanderite ring at a lakeside hike. How could you resist? She accepted. Yes. Money really is the cure to everything. I have proven this. You're thinking about whether you should make your fiancé sign a pre-nuptial. I don't know because I have more money, but I want her money. I mean, I don't know what to do because I don't want to piss her off either. I guess try the prenup route. Yes, she was happy with it. It's asking me about names and I just realized that my name is Mr. Man. Imagine trying to make a phone call. Yes, hello. This is Mr. Man. They just hang up immediately every time. Workplace annoyance. I'll report her. Once again, I get in trouble. She was trying to force her political beliefs upon me. I complain and I get in trouble as always. I'm getting the feeling that they just hate capitalism for some reason. You're all a bunch of commies. I don't think my guy is very likeable if he's actually saying the stuff I'm picturing him to say. Do I prefer to call her text? I like both. I like anything on my phone. Fellow millennials. Rejected. Oh, god damn it. Let's try this one. Apprentice camera in 93k. It's still getting paid more than me. What type of work environment do you prefer? One that embraces teamwork. Yes, that's the job. I got it. And Mr. Man, what would you do if we don't embrace teamwork? Oh, well, that's easy. I'd hire a hitman to kill my supervisor and change up the work environment. Good answer. You're in. Look at this. Neutral. The best I could hope for when it comes to people liking me. Like you could say, oh, they just met you. How could they like you? On the reverse side, how could they hate me? I just started here and it's all neutral or hate. One or the other. Oh, I call them a diamond in the rough and he liked it. I mean, I'm smooth. Thank you for noticing. It takes like two hours of shaving every morning. Your eye is feeling irritated and when you go to scratch it, you discover the liquid draining out of the socket. It's a tear. I'm crying because someone finally likes me. I got an interview for a voice actor. Oh my God, this is actually my dream. Which of these secret powers would you most like to possess? This is a weird question. I think time travel. I became an actor and took a massive hit to my financial stability. Don't start rumors about me, please. I just started. I'm reporting you. Your supervisor, Jesus, told you get back to work. Jesus is my supervisor. Your mother passed away. Yes, inheritance. I'm going to buy a ranch because Dr. Phil keeps promoting ranch and I feel like it's going to increase in value. Rejected. All right, fine. Whatever. I didn't want a ranch anyway. Dr. Phil won't shut up about it. I've been offered a nude scene in a voice acting role. That's weird. So I'm just sitting there at the mic naked. Fantastic. I instantly got a raise. This is great news. You notice that your hair is starting to show increasingly more gray. I've been bald for a decade. I desperately need more property. I need more squares on the board. I need to make a full set. I'm getting raises, but I just I want a better job. Like I want to make a lot more money, not a little more money. I got promoted to actor. Fantastic. My health has taken a massive drop for some reason, though, and my happiness. I just got super anxious. Maybe I don't like being on camera. I've been behind the camera my entire life. I got to do something. How can I make myself happy? Oh, my God. I actually have to fucking read the whole thing. Oh, my God. Are you serious? It's going to take ages. His happiness better fucking skyrocket after this. I could have actually read a book in all this time. Enjoyment. Oh, that's just great. I'm not earning enough money to invest loads more. And my God, it's really unhealthy and unhappy. I'm worried he's going to die. His net worth is over a million, though. Let's try and push this even further. But first, I'm going to treat him by yourself a fishing canoe. Yes. I'm the owner of a fishing canoe. He'll love this. This is why he's depressed. He misses his paddle boat. 100% happiness. Two canoe rides is all a joke to be happy again. I'm no longer suffering from depression. I am no longer suffering from anxiety. You heard it here first. Buy a paddle boat. Let's get some surgery and try and get a lead acting role. Yes, 100% looks. This is perfect. Ignore my health. Don't look at that statistic. I'll just do like a movie role or a short series, not like a long commitment or anything. So if I die, it'll be over with. You don't need to worry about that. And plus more people will probably go to see it if Monopoly Man was dead by the time it came out. I can seem to get a new job. They always just laugh at me. And if I ask for promotion, he keeps laughing at me as well. Yeah, look, he laughed at me again. Need more money. Might be time to kill the wife. You're 62. Come on. Die already. Where's that hit, man? Are you still alive? Could you do another hit? You were really good last time. And may I say excellent value for money. 19,500. Name Agent 47. You're in. Using a canister of mace. Not sure how you manage that one, but good job. Stop it down her throat. I inherited quarter of a million. This is great news. I am depressed, however, so it's time to go out in the canoe for a while. Yeah, that's great. I feel great now. See, the wife was a long-term investment and that paid off. All right. I got a new supervisor and I didn't kill the old one or anything. And this one kind of likes me. I'm going to pay her a compliment. She loved it. Alexa called me adorable. I don't know that one. That's a good excuse not to call me adorable. Oh my God, the supervisor is asking to hook up. Yes, this is great news. Yes, look at that. From once, a supervisor loves me. Maybe literally, actually loves me. Hey, now that you love me, can I have a promotion? Rejected. Oh, but she'd love to, she said. Okay. What about a raise then? I was rejected. What's the point in loving me if you don't give me money? Why can you get so much money from acting all of a sudden? Please, someone give me a job. I need this money. Do you handle conflict well? I've been handling it well all my life. I've only killed two people, and that wasn't even because they attacked me or anything. I didn't even fight back when people attacked me. I got the job two and a half million a year. Finally, my moment is now. Oh, now people are interested in me, aren't you? Oh, well you have a lot of money and you're 82 years old, so yeah, go for it. Let's date. Look at all this money. Time to buy stuff. A haunted Cape Cod home. Yes, I want that. Buy it with cash. It's a fantastic investment. I should really exercise more. Oh, by the way, my stepsister died. I'm gonna go get my nails done. Just anything to feel a bit better. Look, my health is going up. This is great. Your girlfriend died. Please give me the money. I've been released from my position as actor for New Orleans films because I cry too much. It's a rom-com. I'm supposed to cry. Bank him to stay, please. No. Can I sue you? I'm miserable now. I only got up to five million. Look how unhappy he is. That would not work on the cover monopoly at all. Lawsuit. Yeah, New Orleans films. I want two million in damages and I'm paying 600,000 for my defense. I lost my lawsuit. I just lost 600K. I am depressed. New Orleans films, do you want to hire me back? Okay, sorry. Sorry for bothering you. Oh, God, they're all New Orleans films. I shouldn't have sued them. I got a tattoo and it made me a bit happier. And then I died. Oh, that's sad. But I got the ribbon rich. I had a net worth of seven million, which wasn't too bad, actually. That's not too bad. Monopoly, man. For once, you lived up to your name. Well, we learned one thing today. Money doesn't make you happy, but a paddle boat sure does. I hope you enjoyed the video. If you did, I post every single day. So subscribe if you like me. If not, I'm not offended. But yeah, I hope you enjoyed. Appreciate it as always. And I hope to see you next time. Bye for now.