 Well, hello and welcome to Jonathan from the Heart. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be shooting this short video for you today. We're going to talk about why leaning back is really just another method of playing hard to get. Now, before I get into it really quickly, these are my weekend videos. I shoot out on my balcony. I actually live by the ocean. And these are very similar to the videos that I shoot in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery, where you can have direct access to me, ask personal questions, and three times a week I shoot videos personalized to you. So if you're interested in that, check out the link to my VIP group called Midlife Love Mastery. And it's only seven bucks to join and 20 bucks a month. All right, let's talk about why leaning back is really just a method of playing hard to get. Now, I'm going to be very candid here, and I call these my Jonathan from the Heart videos because these tend to be a little more personalized. And I'm just going to own it right now. I'm about to share a judgment and a criticism based on the feminine energy leaning back technique that is being used. And my criticism is really around the understanding of feminine and masculine energy. I'm going to repeat that, feminine, masculine energy. And what I witnessed recently by watching a video that another contemporary mine, and this is, I mean, I really don't, I'm not even proud that I have to do this, but I think it's so critically important. So because if you're watching other people's videos, I want to clarify something that will hopefully make a difference in your life. And I want to clarify the idea of masculine and feminine energy. And what I read or what I witnessed in this person's video, and again, this is an absolute judgment on my part. So please forgive me, is that what was stated was feminine energy represents freedom, curiosity, love, and healing, whereas masculine energy represents rules, speculation, and fear first. Rules, speculation, and fear first. And what the person was trying to convey is that when you're trying to establish rules in the relationship and you're judging or speculating the relationship or you're starting from a place of fear, that that characterizes masculine energy. And I just want to stick my finger down my throat because that's a crock. That's a crock. Because what you're basically saying is that when, because we associate feminine with women most of the time and masculine with men, so what you're saying is men are always about rules and always about speculating and always about fear, that's not true. It's just experiencing, when you try to establish rules is because you want to feel in a sense of control. Why do you want to feel control? Because you want to feel safe. That's not, ladies, when you're experiencing that, that's not masculine energy. That's just controlling behavior. I want to, again, I know I'm pent up here. Listen, I've got to follow the motto of my Captain Kirk here, and you can see Spock there as well. I'm wearing a Star Trek t-shirt today. Just got it because I buy these novelty t-shirts or nostalgia t-shirts. You know, I have to be in my, you know, he represented a perfect example of both masculine and feminine. What I mean to say is he was both a doer, a giver, and he was also a receiver. In fact, they all were. They were doers and, well, it was Spock. I'm not really sure. We'll see. But my point is, is that really this narrative around, you know, feminine, for a woman, masculine energy is bad, is so wrong. And I just have to scream at the top of my lungs to say this. Is anyone agreeing with me? Please tell me that you agree with me. Post a comment below. Now, what I am absolutely in favor of empowered energy and taking charge of your life. Because what the cause of those negative patterns and those negative behaviors are often times unresolved childhood traumas. This is why I highly recommend reading the book, Getting the Love You Want by Harvelle Hendricks. So you can understand why this is happening. Because this idea of leaning back is really just playing games because it's really triggering our love attachment. And if you're not familiar with love attachment style, then you must read the book attached. By the way, links to all the books I recommend are below called the Jonathan Recommend Books. So let's just think about this for a second. When a man pulls away energetically, when he pulls away, you get scared, right? I mean, someone you, well, let me reframe that. Someone you care about, someone you've invested in, and they emotionally pull away. You get scared. I know when I've been with women who have emotionally pulled away, in fact, my mother used to emotionally pull away for three days anytime something happened in the home. And I was devastated as a child, and I'm like, mommy, I just want your attention. Mommy, I want your attention. And she literally shut down. And so this idea that you have to do the same to trigger them to feel scared is ludicrous. That's playing a game. And I'm not here to suggest that we have to approach the dating, mating, or relating process in a different way. This is why I'm such a big proponent of self-love, self-love. You haven't read my book, What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway. I highly recommend it. I know so many of you have ordered it. Thank you so much. I'm grateful from the bottom of my heart. Why this is so important is because when we become self-contained, self-reliant, we step into our self-worth. Self-love is like a vaccination to emotional chaos. So when someone pulls away a little bit, that's okay. Think about it. Our emotions, especially for us men, our emotions can feel very chaotic to us. Sometimes we need time to process that. So playing a game by leaning back is not going to be healthy for your relationship. It might have a short-term benefit, but not a long-term benefit. This is why I'm a big proponent of two people leaning in and having regular dialogue with each other. And the bigger problem in relationship I see today is weak communication skills. We communication skills. This is why I'm such a big proponent of reading the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Please check this out. It should be called Compassionate Communication because when we learn individually how to express ourselves in a healthier way, we can have better dialogue that allows our relationship to go like this so we can eventually get into partnership like this. And isn't that what you want is a juicy, delicious partnership with a man? I hope so. I really hope you do. Listen, again, I'm very uneasy that I have to call out something. I felt it was important in this particular case to call this out because this idea of masculine being bad and feminine being good is such an unhealthy narrative to hear. And this is why I had to bring it up today and talk about it. I am in full favor. If you want to use the term feminine energy to lean into your empowerment, rock on. I think that's great. If we're going to call men leaning into their empowerment, if we call that masculine, great. Also here to say the healthiest relationships are with two people who are both givers and receivers. Givers and receivers. Givers and receivers. And when you can do it mutually, not one-sided, masculine is always giving and the feminine is always receiving. When it's a two-lane street, these are the relationships that have the greatest chance for success. And both people are givers and both people are receivers in parity, in equilibrium. In other words, I don't want to even use the word equal terms. But what I mean is that they're mutually giving and receiving to one another. And that's a healthier relationship. What's not healthy is expecting one person to do something because of their gender. This is true of men and women alike. And this whole narrative that masculine within a woman is bad and feminine is good is another narrative that I just think, all right, I'd like to hear your thoughts on this. Please post a comment below. If you have asked a question, I do my best to read all of them. As I said before, if you find value in these videos, check out my group, Midlife Love Mastery, or check out a free discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, I'm going to wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm going to reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm going to ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or a pillow and give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.