 Hey, tribe of journeymen and women. So Craig heads up before we get into the subject. My camera's running out of battery, but I was really pumped to share this story with you today in this beautiful environment. So there's a chance this is gonna be a two-parter. I mean, like one part, but I'll do it in two takes, which I usually try to do in one take, but you know, let's give it a shot. You know, you learn and you fail and you learn for failure. So this subject is a really cool one. I think it's a cool story, and it's about, I think my plan is to call it why I dress like a bum. And I'll show you what I mean. I think like my girlfriend says I'm a stylish bum, which she likes, she says, you know, she wouldn't want me to be an unstylish bum. But if you look at me, you know, I guess my shoes are not too bad. They're a bit dirty and these pants are, you know, I have them forever and this jacket is messy and full of messiness and you know, I'm covered with stuff. So I guess, you know, that's why I like to say like I dress like a bum and sometimes I do this too. Like, you know, hold your pants on. Give me a chance to explain myself. Don't be like, holy crap, Rokes is crazy. Let's get the head out of here. Instead, I wanted to mention to you like, yo, so in Lithuania, I guess maybe it's in the Western civilization, it's common that you, you don't wear sweatpants, you know, in a restaurant or something. And I'll probably go through that specific moment in the story, but sometimes I do. Just go out somewhere where, you know, dress like I like to dress and which is maybe sometimes not appropriate, but I'm like, yeah, you know, why not? So it's a whole mix of everything, but it comes from a really kind of interesting aspect of my life. And when I look at it and I think about why I do this and why I feel actually it's kind of a great empowering way to go through that. I feel it empowers me, not like being a douche, but it empowers me in a different way, which I'll reveal for this episode. It actually comes back to my youth, the story from my younger days. And thing is, I used to, well, let's start with, I have an older brother. He's three and a half years older, and he's a very charismatic person. Like he's very good with people and kind of energetic. And so he has a, you know, strong presence. And in our youth, you know, three and a half year difference is a big difference. And while in our young, young days, he was very caring of me very much. You know, he was a great brother, older brother. But then I think when my parents started to tell him, look after Roka, you can't do this, you can't do this, because you need to, you know, be in the same place where he is. He started to resent me. He's like, shit, this younger brother, he's, you know, screwing up my life. And I think he started to express that resenting towards me, which I think is a common thing for younger, older brothers and so on. So that happened. And so he wouldn't be easy on me and add a period of our teens. You know, I guess he was also going through his teen years. But thing is, he was very stylish and he had a great taste in music. Back in the day, you know, we didn't have the internet the same way we do now. So you would have to kind of hunt for music and see these still existed. And it was difficult to find music online and all of that stuff. So he was really good at that. And people really loved, like when the city we lived in, a lot of people knew him. He had a great reputation. His nickname was Reptile. Hey brother, if you're watching this, I hope it's okay, I'm telling you the story, but you're awesome. I love you. So he was like a really cool dude, very popular in school and so on. And a kind of legendary figure in the teen years. And I was his younger brother. You know, I had my fame time as well eventually, but I also felt I'm a bit in his shadow. That's again, he was super stylish, very good with music and music was a big thing at the day, especially in that kind of inner community we had. And I felt like, you know, I have to, pardon me, felt like I have to live up to him. You know, I had to kind of, that was the scale I was measuring myself at. And he was crazy to think about that. He seemed like a very much of an extrovert. And now we both agree that we're both introverts who are good at being extroverts. That we do like to be on our own, but we're good when we're with people. It's not like we're both extroverts. But back in the day, he was more extroverted and I was more introverted. I was all in my own mind and kind of the timid, shy child, I guess that happens as well when you have, you know, a brother and older brother has a big presence. And so story goes that he was hard on the kind of critical about my style and taste in music. And it's interesting, the reason I want to share this story, well, first of all, I overcame that and kind of empowered myself in these crazy ways. But also he, oh shoot, I lost my thought here. I just got so excited. Okay, let me, let me re-gather this. So, so yeah, also because it's just interesting to look, it's fascinating for me to look back in how our experiences in our youth or just in general, how small things we do to each other can have a huge impact on each other's lives, sometimes unconsciously, without knowing, without knowing that we inflict that upon another person or that we carry that with us. I'm fascinated to look at this in terms of providing value, which if you follow me, you know, that's a huge thing for me, providing value. I'm fascinated to look at this because I realize that you may be going through the same thing or you may be imposing the same thing to others and may be in the same exact way or maybe on a parallel level. So I think it's important to break it down and look at it, how it happens, especially since eventually I caught it in a location in myself. And so, so the thing is, my brother was critical about my style, you know, he would critique my looks. He's like, oh, what are these pants? What is this? What is that? And I never felt like I could live up to his way of expressing himself. And I guess I was always more minimalistic. I never cared as much about being stylish or so on. But I also felt, you know, I felt like I was afraid to mess up with how I look or with the music I listened to. I didn't want to listen to the music he wouldn't approve to. And so if I did, like I love, actually I love OST, his original score soundtrack of movies, like Batman movies, The Dark Knight Trilogy and Interstellar, like songs from those movies. I just have a strong relationship with him because they inspire some ideas in me. And I listened to movie music most of the time. And so for example, I couldn't listen to that to him because he would be saying like, what the fuck are you listening to? I was like, what is this crap? And so if I would listen to my music, I would listen it kind of in a hiding way and I would feel shy about it. And I wouldn't want to let anyone else know that because I felt afraid to be judged. And so I kind of was holding myself back there, but since we're talking about style and clothes, that definitely made an impact on me with the way I was dressing up. And so I think I started taking less risks over years and I kind of took on a casual style, but also I was kind of more or less, I was always opposed, like I always felt, I always wanted clothes which made sense. Like I always liked comfortable clothes, which I'm all about that right now. Like one of the reasons I'm wearing sweatpants pretty much all the time and oftentimes sneakers and hoodies because they are comfortable, I feel free in them. And I love them. But then in the day, I would always lean towards that. I never liked clothes which would confine me, which I would feel stuck out, like a suit or so on, like a shirt. But so I would have a heart and wearing that, but I would also not take risks in wearing whatever I want, whenever I want. And I felt that over the years, I became more and more conscious of that. Now to make things worse, there's a moment of a story where, hopefully you know some of the story elements, I won't go dipping this into this, but it's an important part that I was running an Aikido school and I was kind of a spiritual slash martial arts teacher and I had a same type of mentor. And I would invite him to my country sometimes and I love Batman, you probably know that already. And every time I would find a Batman t-shirt, I would buy it and I had like 20 of them. But the funny thing is I would hesitate to wear them because I knew that the idea, the structure from my Aikido instructor that I took is that you kind of have to represent an image. And so I was holding myself back even more. I had to be mature and smart and so on. And so when I would want to wear a Batman t-shirt, I would never wear it in the public where people who knew that I'm a yoga instructor, martial arts instructor, I felt like I can't represent myself in that way. I felt it would damage my image and to make things worse. I think I started to slowly experiment with that. And one time my instructor was, I invited him to my country and he was giving a seminar and we were walking down the street. And I think I was with a Batman t-shirt and he looked at it and I think he told me like, I'm a prokess, are you sure you want to wear this t-shirt? People meet me, and he kind of gave me that lecture that people will think I'm immature and that will drop my relationship with my kind of reputation. And so I was already having trouble overcoming that idea of misrepresenting myself through clothes and that struck a chord and made the situation even worse. I became more constricted and which is terrible and the whole idea, the whole narrative of that and how I misrepresenting myself, I made a special episode about that which I definitely recommend listening to if you haven't. It's called how most of my martial arts students abandoned me so I can listen to about that subject more about my relationship with my instructor and how I tried to impose an image and failed at it and lost my students because of it. But that's a different story coming back to the main narrative here. So I felt confined but then, and so part of it was coming from my brother, part of it was coming from my key to instructor who was a big authority for me. But then when I started to get into questioning which is what I'm all about these days and that's what I'm encouraging people to do, is question things, don't take things for granted. I started to, in the end I started to question my martial art and question my style and when I started to also separate from my key to instructor, I slowly started to understand that his way is not my way and started to distance myself from him. I think part of me wanted to be a bit of a rebellion and part of me was like, you know what, I will wear that Batman T-shirt now because you know what, you can't tell me what to do. You're not always right and I can have my own opinion. And so, but it's funny, it's interesting because initially it was so tough to do, especially like my ex-partner, my ex-wife at the day, she encouraged me to do that too, which I appreciate. But then I, so I put on a Batman T-shirt to teach yoga and I remember part of me was so stressed out. I was like, shit, what will people think? Maybe people will lose faith in me because of that. I will lose my reputation and they won't come to my classes anymore. Imagine it was so big, so big in my psyche. And part of it was because of that story that I mentioned to you before that I lost my students, most of my students at the day because of changing the way I presented myself. So I was afraid that's gonna happen again. And so, but I thought, you know what, what's life if I don't live the way, if I don't live it the way I want it to live? And so, I would push through it. I would wear those Batman T-shirts and I would enjoy it like hell. So that's the empowering side. I felt like I'm overcoming this limitation that I imposed on myself and others imposed on me. And that was so empowering for me to wear what I really want to wear, to say that, you know what, even if I will lose you as my students, I came to that conclusion that then we don't deserve each other. If you don't like me with the Batman T-shirts, then why would you be my students? And if you like me with my Batman T-shirt, then we're gonna get along. And I had to make that courageous step as funny as it sounds, like that courage level there. But there was courage that needed to be there. And so, I really enjoyed it. And when I realized that that's empowering and that's overcoming my fears and liberating me, I started to pressure test and push the boundaries even more. So, if you know an Aikido you wear, an Aikido outfit, which actually looks really cool like that, the summer pants and the G-top. And so, what I started to do, I started to wear that most of the time. It's not like, you know, fanatically like everywhere, but if I would, it was going to the dojo, I wouldn't dress up in the dojo, I would just dress up at home in my gi, go there, teach, come back with a gi. It was actually very comfortable because otherwise I would keep changing all the time. So, many times per day. And then if I was going to the store on the way, I would go to the store with a gi. Thing is, the Lithuanian culture, the country that I live here, when I look at it's beautiful, we tend to be judgmental of each other. So, we are quite conservative and that made things even worse. You know, given my brother, getting my Aikido instructor, also we tend to give each other the I and be like, what the fuck is he wearing? So, if you stand out in some way, it's maybe changing slowly, but especially the more years you go back, if you would stand out, you would get into trouble. And now that I think about it back, also that enforced, that was enforced in me also through my personal experience and living in the city I lived in. I keep mentioning it was a troublesome city and there were gangs who were hunting us down because we were dressing differently. If you were dressing up like a hip hop guy, which I was doing that at the day, or like a punk guy, they would hunt us down and beat us up for standing out. Like it was trouble. It's like being a black man in a racist country or being gay in a homophobic country. Back then, in my city, that was the trouble even with clothes. So, that even graded more fear in me to get outside of the box. And so, despite me feeling fear about my clothes, how I look, I started to push boundaries more and more and not like just dress up obnoxiously, just to dress up obnoxiously. I was wearing what I wanted to wear when I wanted to wear. And part of it was me wearing my gi in a cafe, in a restaurant, in a store, going to another city. And part of me was afraid to do that, but part of me felt every time I did that, I became more and more free. And that's the empowering sense. And eventually I started to realize, you know what? I hate jeans. I really don't like wearing jeans. I feel they're too tight for me and they're kind of too limited for me. I feel like I'm stuck in them. There's actually a story, quick, funny story, that apparently when I was a baby kid, I would, my parents would dress me up and they would go move away. And five minutes later, they would see me, I would shed all the clothes away and I would walk around naked on my four legs being happy and it would happen again and again. So it almost feels like for me, that sense of freedom was always instinctual. So the dressing up obnoxiously, I would dress up in my gi and eventually I started to realize, you know what? I love free clothes. I love clothes which are comfortable, which are efficient and those are sportive clothes. And that's one of the reasons why I love wearing again sweatshirts and sweatpants and I started to do that consciously. I was, you know what? I'm gonna dress up with them and I'm gonna go to a fancy restaurant. I, the day I like to go to a fancy restaurant to do my laptop work and drink some coffee. And I would dress there and I would go there with my sweatpants and sweatshirt. And while I had a great relationship with the main waiter, they didn't, he didn't have a problem with me dressing up like that. Sometimes when I would come into that cafe, I would get the looks of everyone. It was like one of those movie moments. And I think that's part of our cultural conditioning. You know, in Lithuania, we don't encourage each other to stand out. And so I would come in, in that, you know, restaurant, cafe, with my casual wear and everybody would look at me confused like what the fuck is he doing? And not like, it wasn't even like everyone was fancy. That particular day when that happened, there were like a couple of thugs sitting there but they were dressed up, you know, more nicely. And thugs, I'm saying that because of me now that you could see their thugs. Sorry, sorry, sorry guys. But they were giving me that like what the fuck is he doing here? And I was like, you know what? Fuck you. I'm gonna own myself. And the more the further I went and even eventually my ex-wife, she actually started to resent that as well. She was like, focus. You know, she was like, if you're going to the store, why don't you dress properly? Don't go with sweatshirt, sweatpants, sweatshirts. Eventually I pushed the limits too far and she didn't like it anymore. But even that, I had to say, I had to step up for myself and say, you know what? Sometimes I respect to that. Like there are certain occasions even today, like if I know that people would really feel uncomfortable about me, like my friends, I do dress up nicer, but I still try to find a kind of medium place in the middle, middle way. But yeah, I'm like, you know, I need to stand up for myself. I need to be myself. Part of that was also wearing crazy socks, like colorful socks. And I would wear them in seminars and one time I needed to take off shoes to show a self-defense move to a bunch of women. I was like, well, you know what? First of all, be ready. I have Pikachu, bright yellow Pikachu socks. That's the first thing you will see in all of them. They'll laugh. And I was afraid, you know, that they'll have to give me a bad time, but it didn't. It actually worked out great. You know, they loved it. And I felt part of my realization too was that this process, especially in such a country conditioning that I am exposed to here in Lithuania is part of me had to do that not only for myself, but also for others. That's one of the reasons why I was dressing up with my gi, with my Akira uniform is to push people's boundaries and to make them question and to think, why am I having trouble with what he's wearing? Or if he's wearing that, why can't I wear it? You know, to liberate others around me as well, not forcefully, but just for example, not by, you know, faking it, but just by being myself and showing to people, you know what? It's fine to be yourself just the way you want. It's not a problem. You know, it's fine to be different, be who you want to be. And so that was powerful for me in more than one way is that I was, I'm hoping and I believe that it's powerful for others as well. And now the reason I, not the main reason I'm saying that, but now just using the chance because it relates, that's one of the reasons why I created the outfit which the initial version failed. You know, surprise, surprise, I'm actually working on version two, one which I will feel more comfortable with, the trouble with the first one is, I'll give you a big, quick breakdown. If you don't know what I'm talking about, the thing is about a half a year ago, I developed with a professional designer help, a friend of mine, we designed an outfit which was kind of, which was intending to express my ideal self. It was a vision that I had for years and I always wanted to look like that. So the camera died during the first filming, so let's just continue straight from here with my buddy. Also too, it's a risk to be here with him. The last time I tried to film a video with him in Vilnius, capital of Lithuania, it was a disaster, but let's give it another shot. There are less dogs around here. So I finished my thought at the outfit, so yeah, the one, the reason, one of the reasons I wanted to create it was also to extend that message, you know, to show to the world that as long as you own yourself and as long as you provide value for others, it doesn't really matter how you look. You can feel, you know, feel free to look how you want. As long as you don't hurt others, that's kind of a defining moment for me. You know, it's as long as there's no direct damage, you're free to be who you are and it's too bad that sometimes we limit each other and we put these barriers, psychological barriers where we feel, we either feel like we cannot fully express ourselves or we put it on others. Sometimes unconsciously, sometimes without realizing that story of me and my brother and my instructor and all of that. You know, I don't think they were, yeah, it's for sure they didn't want to do me harm, but sometimes you don't know, just you cannot imagine and know what kind of an impact your words may have. So you think you say just as an idea, just past your mind, oh, you look stupid in these pants or whatever and that's a singular moment of, it's a glimpse in your day where it costs you so little energy to just say that criticism, but for someone else, maybe that's stuck with them and I can surely say that, that I'm sure that a lot of times that happens. You say something, you just throw something out there but the other person, it sticks with them and they keep walking with that idea or you know, same applies if you criticize somebody's work, let's say some video or some song. People need support, especially in the first stages and if you criticize even slightly without consideration to what implication it may have, you may damage that person's development and not to say that no feedback should be given if somebody does something bad, it's important that we acknowledge that to you but it has to be a balance. You can't just go around throwing out limiting perspectives. So yeah, so coming back to my outfit and to my story that I wanted to create that outfit, part of that reason was for it. Unfortunately I feel like it's, in the end I realized it wasn't really expressing, it wasn't really like expressing how I want to look in the sense it was a bit too clean actually, it was a bit too nice, too good looking. And as I said, my girlfriend said, I told her I'm filming this video that I look like a bun and she says, you don't look like a bun and I was like, yeah, but look at my shoes and look at this and look at that. You know, my sweater and so on and I guess I'm identifying myself a little bit like that so I shouldn't be attached either. But I expressed to her like, that's my style, that's my character. I'm planning to make a video about that but I consider one of my superpowers to be not being a perfectionist. That I feel that's one of the mistakes we do. We try too much to look good to get the right impression out of people and that actually motivates from us, that limits us, personally what I do, especially with my videos and my work and it worked out well for me. I reached a lot of great things with that perspective is I don't try to make things perfect. I just do things with passion, with belief but I never try to perfect them. This is what these videos are about as well. Like, you know, they're one take videos, I screw up some times and I don't have a script and so on and so forth but I want to show it as an example that even if you're not perfecting something and you're not trying to make it perfect you can still deliver value, you can still express yourself but then if people are trying to make things too perfect they keep investing energy and trying to say every word right and try to make every video the best possible. It's an approach but at the same time it can be a huge demotivating force because you feel so much stress and eventually those people that I know who are perfectionists oftentimes they never end up doing anything because they try a few times, it doesn't turn out to be perfect and they never do anything at all. So the same ideology I feel I'm inclined to express through my clothing. You know, I have, oh actually these are the sneakers I just changed them. You know, they're torn apart and they're falling apart but also I can still wear them. They're not perfect but I love them. These are Nike shoes from Portland. They're Berkeley's Nike shoes. I love these shoes. They're very comfortable, breathe well and so on and so forth and so just because there was this situation where because they're tearing down, my mom told me like, oh Rokas, you should buy some new shoes. It's time to buy new shoes. Look at these shoes, you can't wear them. I'm like, why can't I wear them? Now that's the question I'm asking you too like why couldn't I wear them? They're still functional. I mean, I can wear them fine and they don't look perfect but that also one of the other thoughts that I want to address through the statement I want to make through what I wear and how I wear it is that sometimes we push things too far especially in the society these days with consumerism. Now I'm not a big proponent of that. Like I'm not like saying don't enjoy life or something but in regards to clothes and some other aspects too sometimes we're too quick to throw away things. People like to buy multiple shoes and multiple sweaters and they have like a bunch and well maybe if you love it like a friend of mine, Nicholas Dolby who's a UFC fighter we were walking down Dublin one time and he said he loves sneakers. Like he loves to buy them. He has like 50 pairs or something. Well, it's his passion. Okay, I can get it, I love it. But then if I don't think what's cool is that as soon as you know there's a bit of a tear, a bit of a stain on your shoes or something you're just, you're like, oh, I need to drop it. It's like it's love your clothes, you love your things. That's as well, I mean, I'm not saying you do that. I'm just saying that's my philosophy and that's how I live. You know, like this sweater which I love it's like 20 years old or 30 years old I guess. It was given to me before wanting to throw out by a person I lived with in Portland, John Diggins and Brazilian Jiu Jitsu coach. He was a many fighters while on the day and he wore that and I love it. It's like it's a bit torn apart and so on but it's wearable and I love the message behind it. I'm not willing to throw it away just because it's not perfect. So I think that being said, that's again one of the reasons I like to own my style of not wearing perfect clothes and that's the message I am reminding myself and I guess there's a dog passing by. But yeah, I guess sharing with others is not seeking perfection. Just, it's not for me, it's not about that. I feel we put sometimes too much focus on clothes. Oh no, a cat. And then he's looking at it. And then we try to impress each other on the wrong places and I understand, okay, maybe sometimes you go to fancy restaurant or something and you need to respect others and you dress up for that but sometimes we're pushing things too far. We want to be appreciated by the clothes we wear versus what we say, what we believe in and what are our core values. And one of the things I guess I do want to bring across is that I can dress up like a bum but be awesome. It's about what I say, it's about what I believe, it's about what I create. That's what matters, it's about that. And I don't want, I look down on people who look at me and they look at my shoes and they're like, oh, you look at his shoes, he's some type of a bum and they directly decide that I'm worthless just because of the shoes I wear, it's crazy. We should step out of that mentality. I think at least I want to step out of that mentality. I don't want to judge a book by its cover and I don't want to be judged by my cover either. I want people to get to know me through my personality and yeah, so I'm dappling around here but I guess I'm a bit passionate about this too and I hope that the message I want to share comes across and yeah, it's, I guess just, it's always best to relate things to ourselves and share my own story, my own journey and as much as it relates to me, that's what I believe in and that's what I want to own, be myself, wear the clothes I want, not let others limit me and yeah, these are the values I appreciate and that's how I express them and maybe hopefully you'll find some value in this message as well and if you do, then it's awesome and this value came through not because of the clothes I wear. Anyway, I think you get my main message and the thing that's kind of, instead of dappling further, I'll just stop here and I'll hope that there were some nice moments you experienced through this journey and some thoughts you picked up. If you did, I mean, on the comments, I appreciate knowing that and these subjects, they're universal, they're endless, I'm sure we'll come back to it. Eventually I will get my second outfit and we'll see how that works out. I won't be pushing it as far though. I won't be pushing it to people's faces. It will be for me more than what I did last time. Anyway, it was a pleasure to spend time with you as always and keep questioning.