 What is good, Marvel Squad? And welcome back to our channel. So it is just me. Bill is not here right now. He's at the Airbnb getting some stuff done before. More guests come and stay. So yeah, I am super proud of Bill. But as you guys read by today's title, I got some very unexpected news that really, oh my God, I'm trying so hard not to get emotional because I already was crying so hard in the car. After I found out this news, like, I just, oh my God, I'm trying so hard not to cry because it's just really emotional. But I just got very unexpected news today about my Lasik surgery. Yesterday I went in for my first pre-op, which pretty much the big doctor checked my eye, wanted to make sure everything was good because I scheduled my first appointment for Lasik. As you guys saw in that video, I was told that I was able to get Lasik. I was eligible, I was a candidate, and I set up my appointment for pre-op, and then I set my appointment up for surgery day. But in order to get to surgery day, you gotta go to pre-op to kinda like make sure everything's good and perfect, and just check everything before the surgery actually gets done. So, yesterday at pre-op, everything was looking good, everything was fine, up until I saw the doctor, and she told me that it looks like I have something in my retinal, which is like a retinal, like, detachment. So it wasn't actually a retinal attachment, it just has something to do with that. And first she told me that I need to get this checked out by a specialist because she's unsure if in the future something could happen in my eye and I could possibly go blind. And she just wants to make sure we crack at it before it gets too late. So I was out here thinking I had a retinal problem or there was like a detachment because I guess my eye is a lot longer. I don't know, it's really hard to explain. I truthfully don't know much about it. But she was like, let me schedule you in for the specialist so you can see her. Worst case you have to get like this laser thing done and you have to postpone your laser for an extra month. And I was like, okay, that's easy, like whatever. So today I go into the doctor. Every single person there was like, oh, everything's gonna be fine. Like I promise, like honestly, everything looks really good. Then the specialist comes in and she did an ultrasound in my eye, she took pictures. She looked at the back of my eye, she dilated my eye and there is a freckle in the back of my eye. And she took an ultrasound on it and it was flat but it was a little bit elevated or like risen or whatever. And a lot of times you have to monitor that because it could turn cancers, which is super scary and I hope it never gets like that. But that's why you go and check it out every single year. And it's just a precaution so you know like this is what you need to get done every year, whatever. So this is when it gets to the really heartbreaking news that I received. So I told her I have a LASIK appointment October 20th. That's when I was originally supposed to get my LASIK and I didn't tell you guys that because like I don't know, I just wanted to wait. So I originally was gonna get my LASIK surgery October 20th. I was so freaking excited you guys. Like if you guys don't know this, I have been struggling with my eyesight and like wearing contacts. I cannot stand wearing contacts. They have been hurting my eyes. And that's the main reason I wanted to get LASIK. I was just really ready to see 2020 without having to put glasses on in the morning. And I pulled the plug and I was like, let's just do it. Let's go in for LASIK. Let's get this done. I was really excited when they told me I could be a candidate. I was so ecstatic. I was like counting down the days. Even though I was nervous as heck for the surgery, I was so excited. Like I was so excited especially for my wedding day. And this is where it gets like it hits me. It hits me really hard because I was just really excited. Oh my God, I'm sorry. I'm trying not to get emotional. It is really hard because I was looking forward to it so much. I really was just hoping I'd wake up on my wedding day and I didn't have to worry about my contacts and didn't have to worry about them bugging me and that I could see Bill clearly when I walked. Oh my gosh. But I was just really excited to see Bill really clearly when I walked on the aisle. And I feel like contacts always like fuzz up or like they just get in the way and like I just really wanted to be able to see him clearly. And when the doctor told me today that I need to postpone my surgery because she's not sure if LASIK is the right choice for me, it really just hit me. Like I was very disappointed. I was trying so hard not to cry in that office. Like I was trying so hard. And obviously I broke down in the office and the girls felt really bad for me. But pretty much she was like, I need you to come back in six to eight weeks because we need to monitor that freckle in the back of your eye and we need to make sure. She was like, I'm gonna talk to the LASIK doctor. She was like, this is the thing. So it's either you take the risk and get LASIK and potentially in the future have your eye cycle bad. So then pretty much the LASIK did nothing. It just was there for a couple of years. But she was like, that's the risk you're gonna take with spending that money on getting LASIK. Or if this was me, she said, I personally wouldn't wanna take that risk and that chance. So when I heard her the doctor say that, I was like, okay, like maybe I shouldn't. But she wants to see me in six to eight weeks, see what it's looking like, see if it's grown, see if it's elevated, just monitor it. And she's gonna talk to the doctor and by November, I should know if I can get LASIK or not. But I am just saying, I really think my chances are low. I think she's gonna tell me that it's a risk. And if she says that, I just honestly don't even wanna go through all that just for my vision to end up not even working or it works for a couple years and then doesn't work. Like I just don't wanna have to deal with that. I'm really disappointed. Like I said, they put my hopes up and I feel like I low key wish they didn't tell me that until they like really examined it by the doctor. She said, hey, you're a candidate but we need to really check within your eye to see if it is okay to go through. But I said at my appointment, I got everything ready. I was getting excited, I was telling you guys and like just to get let down like that, it really just, I would have just rather heard when I went in there the first time that I wasn't able to get it or that it's still an I don't know. So we won't know fully until November and I honestly am starting to come to terms with it. I literally was crying for an hour straight. I called Julia, I called Bill and I was just like, I was devastated. Like it was really hard for me to hear that. It's weird because my anxiety medicine that I'm on, I cry but like I don't cry as often and that one hit me. Like I was sobbing, I couldn't breathe. And you know when you like try to hold in your cries and it makes it even worse. Like I tried so hard not to make a scene in that doctor's office but I just couldn't hold it together. It was like just like so devastating to hear it because I was telling everyone I was so excited but it's a silver lining and I'm glad that the girl cares enough about me that she ended up warning me and told me about this because I'm sure some surgeons don't care about the risks and the helping of others. Like I'm just very, very, very, very thankful for that doctor for looking into my eye and checking it out and you know, just like making it aware to me because I would have never known that if I didn't go in for that pre-op. I would have went right into surgery, never known because I never knew I had a freckle in the back of my eye. So make sure you guys, if you ever are going to get lacy, make sure you guys go in for that pre-op, make sure they really check your eye because you just never know and I'm just really thankful I ended up going this morning. Obviously, I was hoping for the best but I got a response that I honestly wasn't expecting and now I just have to probably accept the fact that I'm going to live with my contacts and glasses. It's definitely something I need a couple of days to kind of cope with just because I really was so excited and just I couldn't wait and I'm sorry for getting emotional on camera guys. You guys don't really ever really see me that vulnerable but I like to show that side because I want you guys to know like you're not alone and things like this happen and not everything goes the way you plan. Not everything is expected to be what it says it is and I'm just thankful that the specialist told me this and didn't let me just go right into surgery. So as of right now, Lacy is on the back burner for a little bit. I will just have to see. I just wanted to get you guys that update and talk with you guys and be vulnerable. I know Bill is in here but I feel like this is something I need to talk about alone because I am like just trying to wrap my head around it still. Like it's still like really is upsetting. I just want to say I love you guys. Thank you guys for supporting me and I will definitely keep you guys in the loop. And like I said, I'm sorry for crying on camera. I hate being a cry baby, but life happens. It's okay to cry and don't ever feel bad for being vulnerable or crying because it's so normal, so normal. If you guys would have saw me when I was even more bad, I looked like a train wreck. I love you guys, I will keep you updated but we'll see you guys in the next video. But until then, peace. Love you guys.