 Hello there. This is the family doctor. But listen, Doc, I ain't an actor. Oh, I don't know, Pete. I think you're a pretty good actor. You're undoubtedly Cederton's most successful practical joker, and that takes real histrionic ability. Uh, takes what? Histrionic ability. That means the ability to act. Oh, yeah, as I say. But golly, Doc, I'm scared to death. I get goose pimples all over when I think I'm trying to get up there on that platform in front of the whole town and reciting speeches and look at them. They're miles long. I ain't never going to be able to learn them. Whoopie! Hot dog! Hey, hey, hey, Chick, what's the idea? This is a respectable drugstore. Oh, excuse me, Mr. Maven. I was just so happy, I guess I couldn't help but hear off a little steam. Well, what's the occasion, Chick? What's happened to inside this effervescent display of enthusiasm? Well, if you mean, why am I happy it's this? Mrs. O'Malley had just given me a part in a pageant. She has? Well, that's great. Then that settles it. What do you mean, Pete? Yeah, that settles the whole thing. Chick, you don't know how glad I am you got that part. Oh, thanks, Mr. May. What's that got to do with it, Pete? Well, don't you see, Doc, that means that I'll have to stay here in the store. Both Chick and me can't go away at the same time. I can't go away and lock up the store. Fiddlesticks, of course you can lock up the store. Doc! Because the whole town will be attending the first annual Cederton Festival and historical pageant. That's why there won't be anybody loose on the streets to buy anything in your store. So you can just lock up and do that part that Mrs. O'Malley gave you to do. Oh, golly's Doc, I'm going to lose 10 years off my life because of this. Why did I ever let her talk me into it? She's just like all women meddling around in other people's business and making them unhappy. I beg your pardon, Mr. May. Oh, excuse me, Mrs. O'Malley, I didn't mean anything. Mr. May, I'll have you understand that I'm directing this pageant because I was requested to do so by your worthy editor, Mr. Amos Day. He with rare foresight has sponsored this festival and pageant, and I agree with him that it's going to do wonders for Cederton. Don't you think so, Dr. Adams? Well, yes, I do. I think it's a great thing. Thank you. But if Mr. May believes that it will be best that he refused the request to the committee, that he play that part, then of course I can do nothing else but carry his decision to the committee. Oh, now listen, Mrs. O'Malley, I didn't mean nothing like that. No, no, I'll do the part all right. It's only that I ain't never done nothing like it before. Well, they could always be a first time for anything, like eating an olive. Yes, I guess you're right. Well, Pete, I guess that settles that once and for all. It would appear that you're going to take part in the first annual Cederton Festival in historical pageant. Fair stock, that's the way it appears. Now, Dr. Adams, now that Mr. May has settled, I want to talk to you. To me? Go ahead, Mrs. O'Malley. Have you got a part for Doc, too? Yes, I have. What? Oh, now, please, Mrs. O'Malley, I... Oh, I see. You're just joking. I'm nothing of the kind. I'm not joking at all. I'm perfectly serious. That is master ceremony. That's fine, Mrs. O'Malley. There ain't anybody in town that could do a better job than Doc Adams. Pete, hush up. Now, Mrs. O'Malley, I certainly would like to do a part in your pageant for you. It isn't my pageant, Dr. Adams. This pageant festival belongs to Cederton. And you, as one of the oldest and best-known citizens of our fair city, should consider it not only a pleasure, but an honorable duty to perform your part. Yes, of course, but there's just one phase to it that bothers me a little. And that is? My practice. I have to consider my patience. There might be an emergency case come up suddenly and... If there is an emergency, doctor, it will happen right in the audience around the stage, because the entire city's population will be in attendance. Mr. May, what in the world is amusing you? Well, that's exactly what Doc just got through saying to me. Oh, I understand. Well, yes, I can see your point, if you, Mrs. O'Malley. As a matter of fact, I'll be very glad to do this part for you. And Cederton, just so I can be there back at the scenes, watching Pete May. Yes. Well, what I have for you to do is quite simple. Well, I'm glad of that. What's that? I say it'll be fun to act. Well, what you have to do isn't really acting, you see. I just want you to introduce each act as it comes on. The combined Cederton Union High School Glee Clubs will offer several vocal numbers, of course, and then there'll be the various actors who are portraying the parts in the pageant. It won't be necessary for you to attend any rehearsals until the dress. Very well. Thank you. Mrs. O'Malley. Yes, Ced. Have you got my part for me? I mean, if you could give it to me, I could be learning my speeches. Kind of... Ced, I'd quite forgotten. Here, let me see. Right here, my briefcase. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. There you are. Gee, thanks. Well, that's quite all right. I'm glad you amended it. I'm always happy to see people interested in the drama. Say, Mrs. O'Malley. Yes, what is it? I guess you... Well, I guess you must have made a mistake. Mistake? Why? Well, I don't think this is my part. Oh, let me see. The spirit of courage. Oh, yes, of course that's your part. What makes you think it isn't? Well, gee... Well, is this my picture here on the front? Oh, yes, yes. That is the costume you are talking about. But this guy is wearing a skirt. A skirt? Let me see it. That is not the skirt, young man. This is the costume worn by the brave young lads of Sparta. And it precisely fits the part you ought to portray. The spirit of courage. I'll say it does. If Chick wears that outfit, he'll be the bravest young lad in Dunlap County. Pete, hush up. Sure thing, darling. Yes, you ought to come running on to the stage, Chick. Just like the young soldier, Phydipides, who ran from Marathon to Assens, and then fell dead. In front of all those people, I'll fall dead all right. You'll do nothing of the sort. You'll run on to the stage, and up before the throne of Queen Maybale, and deliver your speech, and then you'll collapse at her feet exhausted. But triumphant in death, glorious in the courage that spurred you on to victory. Pardon me. Isn't the queen's name Mabel? Mabel Graham? Oh, yes, yes, it was Mabel. But for the artistic purposes of our pageant, we've called her Mabel. Ah, yes, I see. Then you, Miss May, you will come riding forth upon a beautiful white charger. On a beautiful white what? A charger. A powerful, snow-white perseron. A horse. Me? On a horse? Well, I ain't never rid a horse in my life. Nevertheless, you'll ride one in this pageant. As I said, there can always be a first start. Oh, yeah. Sure, I say what you mean. And you'll ride forth to the throne of Queen Maybale, and deliver your speech as the spirit of progress. Progress? Oh, yes, sure. It's one of the most beautiful speeches in the entire pageant. Frank has done a lovely artistic and dramatic piece of work in this speech. Frank? Yes, Frank O'Malley, my husband. Oh, yes, of course. Then, Miss May, you will take your place beside the throne of the Queen, after which Frank, in the character of the spirit of light, will leap from a promontory ten feet high onto the stage and fling-wide the portals, which will reveal the combined glee clubs of the high school. They then will sing the new Seabit and Anthem, I've written, singing the entire production to a smashing climax amid a blaze of light and glory. Well, that certainly sounds marvelous, Mrs. O'Malley. Thank you. You don't think it's just a little too pretentious for the folks of Cedarton to attempt, do you? Pretentious? Of course not. Don't forget, Doctor, I am directing. Oh, to be sure, of course. Now, Mr. May, I'd like to run over your speech a bit, if you don't mind. Right here, now? Of course, right here, now. I'm going over the entire production with all the cast this afternoon individually, so that we shan't waste any time and rehearsal tonight. After all, the pageant is just a short time away. Ah. Of course, you haven't memorized it, but if you'll just read it. Oh, well, okay, okay. Behold good people of Cedarton and beauteous Queen Maybell. Maybell, Mr. May. Maybell. Oh, sure. And, uh, beauteous Queen Maybell, I come bringing you tidings of joy. I am the spirit of progress, and I give you the ad- Admonition. Admonition. Admonition. Ah, to carry onward toward your goal of ac- Achievement. Achievement. Achievement. Oh, sure. I don't think I've ever seen that word in print before. Very well, Mr. May. Please proceed. Now, let me see. Oh, here. Toward your goal of achievement, as our forefathers have done before us, and as we expect our children. Of course, I ain't got any children, you know. I'm a bachelor. Never mind, Mr. May. The committee will provide you with children if it is deemed necessary. Oh, that's nice. Well, now, let me say, as we expect our children to do after us, now to the almost-homely Queen. What? The word is comely. Comely, meaning beautiful, pleasant to look at. Well, over her to that word. Uh, you'll pardon me, Mr. May. Yes, what'd you do? I don't believe you have a very large vocabulary, have you? Oh, I don't know. I got quite a big stock of drugs back there. Not laboratory vocabulary. Oh, yes. Uh, Mr. May. Yeah? I wonder, I wonder if you'd think me presumptive if I suggested that we might have to find someone else with a little more experience to do this part. Oh, say, would ya? That's well, Mrs. O'Malley. I know I ain't any actor and I wouldn't want to do nothing to spoil this pageant. It's perfectly okey-dokey with the view. Say, Mrs. O'Malley, here's your man, Chief of Police Benson. Good afternoon, everybody. Well, Mrs. O'M, how's the festival and pageant come along? Oh, gee. Oh, gee. Benson, you're just the man I want to see. Oh, yes. Well, we aim to please the fellow says. Chief Benson, I want you to do a part in the pageant. Me? Why, Mrs. O'M? Yes, sir. Man and boy, I've been a play actor for about 40 years. What can I do for ya? Well, there's another thing. Can you ride a horse? Can I ride a horse? Me? It was the champion Bronco Buster with Q-Bars, E Rancho? I should say I can ride a horse. Well, that's just fine. Would you care to go to our studio and run over the part right now? Why, say, I'd be delighted. My no sooner said than done, as the fellow says. Well, come along. Oh, I just think you're going to be wonderful in the party. Well, I reckon I got rid of that all right. Yes, you got rid of it, Pete May, but what about me? Yeah, me wearing a skirt. Oh, gee. Well, I'll tell ya, fellas. Well, you're up there on that there platform doing your parts. I'll be sitting down here in my nice, quiet store. I'm reading a good mystery story, and I'll listen into the radio. Good luck, boys. Oh, you're funny. I'm afraid. This is the family doctor. I'll be in to see you again right soon. Goodbye.