 I don't see why junior can't go with you to your broadcast Oliver, but I'm trying to tell you Mary. They won't let children in the studio Junior's so proud of you dear. Of course he is, but can't he be just as proud staying home and listening to our own radio? Uh-oh, here we go again, folks. Anderson family, you wouldn't believe that one person, and I'm speaking of Oliver Anderson, could take things so seriously, do everything the hard way and still keep his balance. For instance, this evening Oliver has been chosen by the Big Brother Club to be a part of the radio program for better understanding between boys and their parents. So right this moment, we find Oliver in the attic, digging his army uniform out of a trunk. Oliver, all these bottles in the trunk, where on earth did they come from? I'm not sure, but your father always wanted to read in the attic, remember? They say we should turn in all our empty bottles. They mean milk bottles. Well, there are so many of them. Yeah, your father read a lot. Wait, don't drop those papers, Oliver. Here, hand them to me. Paper? Oh, those are art pictures I was saving for Homer Meister. Art pictures? Looks as though you're in business with Petty and Varga. It's a good thing Junior doesn't come up here looking around. But now I don't do anything wrong in pictures. Some people like landscapes, some like marine scenes. But you just like people. Yes, I know. Here, I'll burn them. No, no, no, wait. I promised him to Homer to pin up in his garage. Well, I don't know where he'd pin them. Oh, all right. Go ahead. I don't care what you do with them, anyhow. Well, we'll just put them over here on this box. Yeah? Come in, dear. We're getting your father's army uniform. Yeah? Do they let kids in the radio studio? Not under 12. But I'm 12? Yeah, but you're small for your age. I just have an argument down at the radio station and I'm no mood for another one. Your father's very nervous, Junior. After all, he has almost two pages to read. I'm not a bit nervous. One of the big brothers is coming over to the Gargoyle Boys Club and pick out a representative boy for the program tonight, Pop. Well, that's different. They're on the program. But I can't take you in with me. Wouldn't you like it better to sit at home, Junior, and hear me over the air? It's no fun that way. You can hear him on our radio, Junior. Just keep your hands off those pictures, dear. I'm burning them. Oh, those. I've seen them. Oliver, bring your uniform downstairs. It needs some dusting and pressing from the way it looks. Real still, I don't see why anyone would object to my going to your broadcast, Pop. I don't make the rules, Junior. I'm lucky to get in there myself. Now, here, hold this needle. Run on, Junior. Someday, Mother will take you down to a broadcast. Oh, sure. Mother will get you in when Pop flops. I didn't say that. It would seem to me that I've had enough to worry about. I've never talked into a microphone before. That's no reason why you should snap our heads off. And if you don't stop moving around, Oliver, you'll get stuck with this needle. I'm not. I'm worried. Can't you see that? Oh, maybe I could just look through that glass window and watch. I could tell the kids at the Gargoyle Club all about it. Oh, wait a minute, Mary. Look where you're sewing. Don't look at Junior. Hell, maybe you'd better run on, Junior. Your meeting at the Gargoyle Club is in half an hour. Now, have the boys listen on the radio and then tell them it's your father. Uh-huh. You don't seem very enthusiastic about it. Can you blame him? Well, wait a minute, Mary. Oh, these trousers are not going to fit. Oh, I'm glad you realize it. You certainly gained around the waist since you wore this uniform. Why wear the uniform again, Pop? Simply because all of the founders of the club are ex-servicemen and they ask me to wear it. That's why. Go on, Junior. Get yourself cleaned up for your meeting. And let me alone for a minute, Mary. I'll be a nervous wreck. Gee, Pop, I hope you don't make any mistakes. Well, it'll be a wonder if I don't. Well, I feel a little bit like a meanie, Oliver. Junior's so wrapped up in what you're doing. You're so abrupt with him and so nervous. Who wouldn't be? Look at this uniform. Three sizes too small. Now, now, just calm yourself. You can stop in the costume shop. I'm sure they'll have your size and it'll be nice and new. Say, that's an idea. I'll go down there right now. Have about three hours before air time. I think that's best, dear. I'll ask Junior to sit right in front of the radio. Are you being sarcastic? I'm not either, dear. But he won't be there because he wants to be there. I think you misunderstand him, Oliver. Don't worry about that, too. Hurry and get your uniform. Oh, now what? Howdy, Oliver. Oh, it's Homer. Is this trip necessary, Homer? Necessary? Well, yes and no. What do you mean? Well, I'm just leaving. I thought it would wait. Oh, of course. I don't want to hold you up, nun. Hello, Homer. Hi, Mary. Won't you sit down, Homer? Well, yes, I guess again. Well, it isn't compulsory, you know, Homer. Well, how's Martha? Martha? Well, I'd rather not say, Mary. We ain't speaking. That should make you smile. Nope, nope. My heart is blue, Oliver. I'm accused of being sweet on that cashier at the Jim Café. Oh, Homer, I'm sure that cashier wouldn't be interested in you. Oh, now wait a minute. Why wouldn't she? Ain't nothing wrong with me, except... Mary didn't mean that. Mary just didn't think the girl's IQ was low enough for that. Oh, well, that's different. What happened, Homer? Well, that waitress has been kind of shining up to me lately, and I've been kind of avoiding her. How often have you been down to the café? Oh, on and off every night. You're avoiding her, huh? Yep, I am. See, I went down to straighten out some eat checks with this Tuttlefeller sign. Tuttle? The new rumor at your house? That's right, and I sort of co-signed the eat checks with him, and, well, sir, I was back at the counter, and I kind of reached around her to get a match, and, uh, Marthe walked by the window. Uh-oh. Well, you're kind of tired of Marthe anyway, Homer. No, no, no, you're wrong there, Oliver. Oh, you Casanova. Who's he? You wouldn't know him. He never ate there. But, Homer, Marthe would understand if you told her. Told her? What was Homer doing in the café? What was he doing behind the counter? Why didn't he ask for a match? No, no, no, Marthe's got him this time. Well, it ain't so, I tell you. I'm innocent, I believe. Well, you can yell innocent until midnight, and you're still going to sleep in the garage. Well, I'll take my fault. Mabel, uh... I mean, the cashier keeps falling on me all over me around. I don't re-sip... I don't re-sip... Return it. Yeah, yeah, that's it. Return it. Uh, then this Tuttlefeller, he starts barging in and trying to get her eye. And took Mabel away. Took Mabel away? No, he done no such thing. I'll get it, Oliver. Hello, Anderson's residence. Oh, yes. Well, how are you, Mrs. Chapman? Tell her to listen to my talk tonight. Why, I'm sure I don't know what time the boys are going. Have a old man listen, too. He knows me. I'll have Junior call when he comes downstairs, Mrs. Chapman. Yes, you bet I will. Bye. Why didn't you tell her to listen to me? She's going out this evening. What talk are you doing tonight, Oliver? Oh, it's not much, Homer. Just running and running and out, that's all. Oh, nothing, them clothes. Looks like he got more stomach than pants. Well, yeah. I'm going to have to rent a uniform, one that fits. Excuse me, Homer. I'll get it, Oliver. Hello, Anderson's. Oh, yes. Hello, Mrs. Gonco. How are you, Gertie? Gertie, listen to my speech tonight. Oh, is that so? Splendid. Have Judge Gonco listen, too. I certainly shall. Thanks for calling. Tell him to listen to my speech, too. What did you say, dear? Oh, I said have them listen tonight. Are you afraid to have anyone know I'm on the air? Are you ashamed of it? Oh, now calm yourself, Oliver. What did she want, anyway? Just wanted to ask me to listen to Judge Gonco tonight. Listen to Judge Gonco? Why, yes. He's on the program, too. Oh, I see. They're taking just anybody on this thing, huh? That's no way to talk about the Judge, Oliver. Have they called you to speak on tonight's program, Homer? Nope, not yet. Well, just stay around the phone. They will. And I'm going before I have time to think this thing over. Call me before the program, dear. I'll drive down. I will. Maybe they'll take pictures, too. If they do, I'll save you one, Homer. How do you do, sir? Something? Or are you just in out of the rain? No, I'm looking for a uniform to wear tonight. Splendid, splendid. Uh, uniforman. Uh, doorman, usher, cab driver, or waiter. No, no, just an army uniform. What's wrong with the uniforms they issue you? Nothing. I haven't been issued any. A fine army, no uniforms. Must be grabbed somewhere. Look, you've got the wrong idea. I'm not in the army. Not in the army? Then why do you want a uniform? To make a talk on the radio. I'm entitled to wear a uniform, but mine's too tight. Seems to me you could get some action by writing to your congressman. Look, look, my friend, I just want to rent a uniform. Oh, oh. Well, yes, of course, sir. You want to rent one of our uniforms. Yes, that's right. Well, of course, sir. That will be $11. Well, wait a minute. I haven't been even fitted yet. Oh, well, if you're going to be fussy about it, it'll cost you more. Look, look, look. First, do you have an officer's uniform? We do. Good. Now we're getting someplace. Let's try it on. Hmm, officer's uniform. This will that be French, English, Russian, Scottish, or do you want pants with it? Pants? Of course. An American uniform, second lieutenant. Here we are. Just slip into this for size. Where? Right here in this dressing room. Look, do you have a parade cap with this? Well, yes, and we include a whistle, too. I don't want a whistle, but I can use a belt. How does that look? Just splendid, sir, but splendid. And I'll just wear it. Now, your credentials. You mean I have to have credentials? You wouldn't want to wear your business suit this evening. No, of course not. Then let's have your credentials. Look, I'll write you a check for whatever it is. That will be fine. And give your soldier's security number, place of employment, and $16 in cash. $16? You said $11. $11 for the coat, four for the trousers, and one for the cap. Hmm. Maybe I'll just pay in cash. Here you are. 10, 15, 16. Is that right? Thank you. That pays you up until 10 this evening. Oh, well, I'll have it back by that time. But wait a minute. These eagles on the shoulder. This is a colonel. I have to be a second lieutenant. Well, what do you want for $16? A five-store general? Well, no, but I... You have the uniform, sir, and that's what counts. Well, maybe you're right. Do you have a phone? Well, yes. Right there on the counter. Thanks. Mary, this is Oliver. I have the uniform. Oh, I'm so glad. Joe? Maybe you're right. Look, have Homer drive you down and meet me in front of the radio station at 840 shop. Okay, darling. And you might suggest to Junior that he listen to me tonight. Junior? Why, will he get home in time, dear? Bye. Okay. Goodbye. Now, about the drain, you wouldn't want to get that uniform all wet, would you? Why, no, I guess not. I thought not. Now, here, use this umbrella. Gee, thanks. You think of everything. Indeed I do, and that will be $3 extra for the umbrella. $3 extra? Yes, and 10 cents for the phone call. Oh. Now back to the Anderson family. Oliver Anderson has just rented an army uniform to replace his own, which was too small for him. And it's on his way to the radio station where he is to make a short talk. Mary Anderson is waiting for him in front of the radio station, and the rain is coming down very lightly. Oliver? Oh, oh, I didn't see you, Mary. I wasn't playing hide-and-seek. I was just getting in this doorway out of the rain. Where's Homer going to pick us up? Right after your broadcast. How does the uniform look? Hmm. Looks rather nice. What's that on your shoulder? Oh, oh, that. Well, the man at the store didn't have any lieutenants bar, so we just left the eagles on. Oh, well, no one will notice them. By the way, you only have a few minutes. Here's the radio station. We'd better get on in. Yeah, I think so. Oh, where do we go? How do I know where we're going? Quiet, Mary. Well, I didn't see you. This is not the Union Depot, sir. Hmm? You must have it quiet in the studios. Let me see your tickets. Tickets? We don't have any. Well, then you'll have to ride in and close a self-addressed envelope. Then we mail to you. Mail to me? Well, I don't want any tickets. Everyone must have a ticket. But Mr. Anderson is on the air here this evening. What are you running for? I'm running for nothing. Well, then how do you make anything out of it if you win? You misunderstand us. Mr. Anderson is speaking on the Big Brother program this evening. Oh. Well, then, of course, that's different. Why are we whispering? I don't know. It's your station. Do we go right in? Oh, sure. Yes, of course. May I see your speech? See it? Yes, sir. It's not too good, I guess. Well, I'm not interested in the quality, sir. Has the script been approved by our editor? Well, no. Is that necessary? Oh, very much so. You can't broadcast it. It's been checked. Well, where do I get it checked? Well, Miss Bill, just take care of that. She's gone for the day. Just mail it in tomorrow. Mail it in tomorrow. The speech is tonight. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Well, then you go right down this hall and ask for Mr. Sly. Sylvester Sly. He's a gentleman with a chin. He'll glance it over for you. I've got a program now, so be quiet, please. We're always happy to have visitors in our station. Happy? Hmm. You should carry a whip. Well, time's running out on you, Professor. Let's get down the hall and find Mr. Sly. There's a door right there with that red light lit. Probably an exit. Let's try it anyhow. We only have a few minutes. Look at all those people sitting there. This must be the studio. Look, that announcer fella's waving at us. Wonder what he wants. Maybe I'm on early. Let's go and see. Good evening to you, ladies and gentlemen. And welcome to a half hour of fun on Guess Who I'm Thinking of and Take Home a Washing Machine program. Now, this program is entirely unrehearsed and brought to you by the makers of Tintos, the new toenail polish for old toes. And I see our first contestant is coming up on the stage now. How do you do, sir? Hello, there. Your name, please. I told you out there in the hall, Oliver Anderson. Yes, of course. Now, here's a little question, and if you answer it correctly, you will receive our gallon size of Tintos, spelled T-I-N. T-O-Z-E. Tintos. The new Wonder Polish for unruly nails. Now, if you answer the question within 10 minutes, you'll receive also Dean Silver Dollars. All right now, sir. All right, here's our question. What color is Paris Green? May I hear the question again, please? Of course, of course. What color is Paris Green? I'm no coaching. Hurry now, time is running out on you. Paris Green. Well, it's green, isn't it? Absolutely correct. Paris is green. You've got enough Tintos for paired nails, and for your partner, sir, here's your Dean Silver Dollars. Thank you a lot, Frances. Let's get out of here. This isn't the studio. What on Earth's going on? Here, take this jugger stuff. I'll keep the $15. You should have known better than going to that studio. You saw that red light lit. Don't argue with me now. We can do that at home. I'm not arguing, Oliver, but I told you about that red light. I know you did. That isn't the question. Wait, doesn't that look like Mr. Schultz the butcher coming down the hall? Schultz? Don't tell me to let him in here. Shhh. Good evening, Mrs. Anderson. My, my, how lovely you look. I'm sorry you didn't get here sooner. You would have enjoyed my little talk on the Big Brother broadcast. Yes, one of the speakers didn't show up, so they put me on. Oh, how nice. Sorry we missed you. Didn't it go on early? Well, yes, it was rather unexpected. They're having the junior section of the program in about an hour. Well, it looks as though we've missed the broadcast. I shame too, Mrs. Anderson. I did write well if I do say so. Well, good evening. Oh, by the way, I'm running a special on short ribs tomorrow, Mrs. Anderson. I don't like them. Good night. Oh, yeah. Of course. Good night. Fine thing. He never even noticed my uniform either. Just show how catty men can be. Oh, come now. Don't take it so to heart. I am not, but junior will be homing his ear glued to the radio. I'll explain to him. Well, I'm going to wait and see if I can get some satisfaction before I leave here. Well, while you do that, I'll go see if Homer's arrived yet. If he has, I'll wait in the car and he can pick you up. I'll have to take this uniform back, too, you know. How much did it cost? Oh, now don't start that here in a hallway. Good night, sir. Happy to have had you with us this evening. Visitors are always welcome in the studio. Good night. Gee, it's raining. I better slip in this doorway and wait for Homer. You'll get wet out there, mister. Well, yeah, it is a little wet out here. There's room for you to stand here in the doorway. Huh? Oh, oh, well, thanks. It is kind of raining. Gee, an officer, huh? Why is an officer? Gee, an admiral. I can tell by them ducks on your shoulder. Not exactly an admiral. Gee, I'm just crazy about uniforms. My sister married a doorman. Guess she fell for the break. Are you married? Well, yes, I am. Oh, excuse me, here's Homer, my friend, looking for me. Homer? You mean this little guy coming? Yeah. Oh, I've been waiting half an hour here alone for my husband. It just goes to show our girl can't trust any man anymore. Oh, man, ain't the same. Oh, here you are. Well, yes, where's the car? Oh, it's right over here behind that... Well... Who's your friend? Look, Homer, I just stood in here out of the rain. I never saw this young lady before. Oh, you didn't. No, I didn't. Looks mighty lonely, poor kid. Maybe you would want to drive Mary on home, Oliver. And I'll sort of come on later. No, you don't. I'm not going to have Martha blaming me for your troubles. Besides, I have to take this uniform back to the store. Take the uniform back? You mean you're a phony? I mean nothing of the sort. Now, look, Homer, you take Mary home. I'll get out there on a street car. Oh, you'll come home later, eh? Oh, I get you. Oliver seemed worried when you talked to him, Homer. Worried? Mm-hmm. Well, he did a little at first. I kind of took him by surprise, but he's got over it now, I guess. You think we should go back and get him, take him to the store to get his clothes? Oh, no, no, no, no. He seemed kind of upset like when I saw him. He always gets upset over things like this. What's wrong, Homer? You seem so quiet. Oh, nothing. Just thinking, uh, Oliver makes friends kind easy, don't he? I guess he does. But he has to know a person pretty well before he gets interested in them. Oh, he does, eh? I guess. Why, Homer, why do you ask? Oh, nothing. Just that I like Oliver too, I guess. You don't mean that Oliver's been signing e-checks down to the cafe. Nope, nope. He ain't. Well, I guess a better step on it, little. Martha will probably worry about me. That's funny. Did you call the Gargoyle Club? I did. No one answered. I called Mrs. Chapman. She said Butchard had gone someplace with Junior. Gone where? She didn't know. I wonder if they went to a show. If he did, he's in for it. Oh, maybe they let him go with him to the radio station. Well, they'd been home by this time if he had. Well, look, it's only 8.30. 8.30, that clock stopped. Well, it might be a good plan to set it. I'll get the time from the radio. Imagine that fellow at the radio station saying, we always are happy to have visitors, and then throws you out. Shh, here's the time. And now it's my pleasure, ladies and gentlemen, to bring you the most representative boy in our Big Brother Club, Junior Anderson. Junior? He's on the air. Quiet, be still. Let me get in there. Turn it up. I guess all I can say is, if a boy goes halfway with his pop, he'll come out all right. Of course, some boys don't want to be like their father. But no matter how peculiar he may seem. I'm not peculiar. Quiet. Quick, pushing me. Junior on the radio. Now, I suppose I'll never hear the end of this. Well, I don't think Junior will ever even mention it, Oliver. I just think they chose him to speak. It makes me very happy. And we're both happy. Well, maybe we could get out the store and get a pint of ice cream so he could eat when he comes home. Pint? Oh, all right, I'll court. Gee, I wonder if Homer heard him on talking on the radio. I don't think so. Homer acted rather strangely on his way home. Strange? Hmm? Uh, what'd he say? Why, was there something he should have said or shouldn't have said? Well, no. You see, she was standing in the doorway first. She? In what doorway? Huh? Oh. No wonder you wanted to take your uniform back by yourself. Oh, wait a minute. I was just in out of the rain and Homer walked up. There's nothing wrong in that. Nothing wrong? Oh, of course not. You didn't know she was standing there, of course. You know I wouldn't do a thing like that. And here you were so happy just a minute ago. I'm happy now. See? That's what happens to Homer. It's just a mistake, you say. Yes, I know. But Homer has to pay for his mistakes. Ah, fine thing. It wouldn't have been so bad if Homer hadn't seen it. He'll tell Martha. Martha will tell everyone she meets. Oh, Oliver. How could you do such a thing to me? Thanks, Homer. Wait, Oliver. I want to barricade the door again. Uh, Martha, you know, it's right nice of you to come out to the garage and keep me company, Oliver. Yeah. Yeah, it gets kind of lonesome out here, Lone. These long, dark nights. Well, you can cheer up, Homer. Huh? Yeah. I'm spending the night with you. The Anderson Family is written by Howard Swarth, directed by Herb Lytton, and features Dick Lane as Oliver, Louise Arthur as Mary, Walter Tetley as Junior, and Herbert Rawlinson as Homer. Also in the cast were Paul Theodore, Jenny Johnson, and Doug Young. Music by Gordon Kibbey, sound effects by Ray Erlenborn, and your announcer is Ken Peters. The Anderson Family is a Hollywood broadcaster's production, transcribed from Hollywood.