 You can now follow me on all my social media platforms to find out who my latest guest will be and don't forget to click the subscribe button and the notifications button so you're notified for when my next podcast goes live. I went into the adult industry and honestly for three years like again I was cutting off a part of myself but it's so dark babe like I don't I don't know how I mean obviously I do know now how I got through it but there was a lot of drugs do you know what I'm saying? I always say that I sold a part of my soul because I really feel like I did. I've become this alias who was a sex object and I just fucking I didn't care about myself and this is why I have to do this because people don't understand how easy it is and instead of judging the stripper instead of judging the homeless person think about what the fuck they've been through and how they've got to where they are and that's exactly what he did to them babe like he would take their drugs and make them rattle to the point of where they were shitting themselves and stuff and then he would be their savior because he would give them the drugs you know and now I look back that was me but with the coke you know like and he'd just come and he every weekend when I'd see him you know I did much that I didn't want to see me to have my bag of coke so I'd be like thank you. Bimber on! Today's guest we've got Sammy Brown. How are you Sammy? I'm so happy to be here babe I'm just really grateful that you've asked me to come on and we can talk about this that we're going to talk about today and hopefully raise some awareness that could prevent someone else from going through it. Yeah you've come through some shit in your life survivor of human trafficking survivor of satanic ritual abuse like the that that stuff that a lot of people don't think go on in this life. Some madness goes on you know this I know this I've had people on speaking about it before and it's scary to actually what goes on and things seem to be getting worse people speak out about it and the kind of I don't know I found kind of people kind of twist things and yeah that's the scary thing this is what nobody wants to talk about but fuck it we're here let's go for it and first of all how are you? Yeah no I'm so like I'm so like I guess I'm a bit anxious because all my body always knows that I'm going back there mentally but now every time I do one of these interviews babe I just know that it's stopping because I keep saying to people these people have their power because we're not speaking about it so every time that we shine the light on it it's going to make less space for darkness and the darkness can't exist when we shine our light on I guess the darkest parts of this world because these things that I talk about the reason that I do it the most is because I know that this happens to children and I think that's what pains me the most is that to know that I was I guess a young girl the fact that someone could be even more vulnerable than I was I've got to do it for them babe like this is this is what it's about for me now like stopping it for the next generation and all I know is that if it could have happened to me it could have happened to absolutely anyone. Yeah it's scary I think man especially I've got kids myself and it's scary like you don't know what's around the corner you don't know who can be manipulate you don't know who can be grooming who like we can all fall under some false pretense that people are okay and I've learned that's took me 30 or 30 years to realise no wonder I don't fucking trust anybody but there's still good people out there they're still we're a working process we're not all saints we're not all angels but if you can learn from your mistakes learn from your pain of your past you can then help people from their own trauma and their own pain but it's difficult to then make changes make sacrifices but you've done that so first of all congratulations proud of you always go back to the start for my guests get a bit more knowledge about you how it all started yes from the beginning yeah okay so I guess with me and growing up like I was brought up in a really loving home like my mum and dad like um I guess the only thing was it was dysfunctional between them two like me and my siblings like we was given so much love we had you know two birthdays two Christmases everything was it was really given to us on a plate you know we had food in the cupboards we had holidays every year and we had two loving parents but separate and unfortunately how they separated was through um toxicity um domestic violence and as much as me and my siblings never saw that I think kids can pick up on things and I know that now more than ever working around kids and I guess I picked up on my world breaking apart like when I was around 10 and 11 um I kind of realized that this whole mum dad picketed fence perfect brady bunch family I wasn't getting it and I guess that's where my world really started deteriorate because I was mad babe like I was like you know you say you've got kids like the angry teenager you know I mean I was just going from primary school to secondary school all hormones but I was so mad at my mum and dad because I was like why why is this happening like and I guess because they weren't um talking to to me and my siblings like they were more I guess um I guess caught up in their toxicity it was kind of like you know tell your dad this tell your mum this and I guess I was caught in the middle of that and it wasn't just that it was I was giving a hidden responsibility to look after my younger sibling and I was so angry I was like why are you taking my childhood from me I have to look after my younger sister like I want to go out I want to be with my friends and um that's when I started being a bit of a rebel I guess taking drugs I started to smoke weed from a young age I um I guess I confused the tension with love started to hang about with older boys started to get sexually active um telling my mum and dad I guess to do one um staying out later lying to them um said I was staying at friends and really I was out doing it all night around the streets and I guess this is why even more that I speak because the society that we live in today with young people if that was happening in my day and age then you just know that you know kids now they're a lot susceptible to what's going on around them and I guess we do live in a bit of a world where kids are taught to be little gangsters and prostitutes and I was brought up with a spy skills I was saying to you before um now it's a bit more scary with like things like Cardi B little Nas X but I was I was influenced I guess by a crowd and even now like even as a young person looking back I'll take responsibility like I chose to hang about with the people that I did I chose to try and escape with the drugs you know and the weed and stuff and uh it was mad because in school we were still like I guess we was a little bit naughty in my year we went back at dinner times that I did drinking um I laugh about it because I guess the kids like who I went to school with are probably like I'm shut up man like um and because it was one of their houses that we used to go back to for dinner um but I guess that's like all like kind of innocent stuff compared to like what was going to come but even still I was highly influenced and I wanted to be accepted so I guess I was doing things from the wrong reasons but obviously that's the start of the madness because we always crave more then yeah we always want more and more how old were you when I so started the Robin as well yeah so it was 11 when mum like 10 11 when mum and dad split up when I went to secondary school that was it I started to really um become a rebel and I I like I say like I was I was just anyone who's got um teenagers will know that you know what I mean like it's kind of like shut up mum shut up dad like don't tell me what to do you can't even bloody like tell me what to do now so as a little kid and I guess like my mum and dad maybe they felt a sense of guilt like do you know what I mean and they they kind of was just like you know Sam's just being Sam but at the same time I wasn't telling them everything do you know what I mean like I what they didn't know what was going on they didn't know that I was going out and I was doing what I was doing and um they certainly didn't know that we was going back at dinner and drinking and stuff you know so um this is I guess where I always say I got put in front of the wicked witch of the west and I walked down that path because when I was 16 I left school um I actually was quite smart in school but I was naughty so I did get like seven eight to seize like but I was like trying to wag school a lot I think it was more a test of memory in school wasn't it so I was good at remembering stuff so um I did quite well and then ended up going to sixth form to do psychology, sociology and philosophy but at that point as well I also got um introduced to a lady um who was considerably older than me like about eight nine years and um I was introduced to her by my school friends 15 16 and they had met her first and um she just seemed like a nice lady you know what I mean she was older um she was smoking weed so like I guess I was a bit like ooh and then she had a car she was living at her friends at the time um she seemed really cool babe I'm not gonna lie like I was I was a bit um enthralled with her when I met her I was very like oh I like her like I want to be a bit like her god if I'm only I knew you know um but my my two friends when we was there uh it was weird because like she disclosed herself as a stripper to us but then she started to kind of give us dances and stuff um like showing us lap dances showing us how it was done getting her clothes out around us her dancing clothes and then I was like what's that so I guess I was like a intrigued 16 year old girl um and I was like oh can I try that on and then she was like oh you look really nice in that so I guess that was the start of it and uh my other friends dispersed and I stayed with her and from that when I stayed with her I started to I guess get involved in her lifestyle so um she introduced me to um droppers she introduced me to I guess more of a gangster kind of lifestyle um and then you know at 17 I was sniffing coke with her going to parties with her having the guys um sniff lines off my arse you know I was told I had to say I was 18 you know um and then it just started to get a little bit more like I guess darker because when I was 17 she disclosed herself as a prostitute to me and um I guess that was it then I was in I I didn't know at the time obviously like because it's took me a long time to understand about how this works but grooming is um a very slow process you know and it took her a good year for me to get into that position where I was having lines sniffed off my arse and you know I thought that this stuff was normal do you know what I mean and I guess having the first line with this lady I remember having it and um I remember the next day I was on a proper down and I was like oh I'm gonna die like I want to kill myself and I was just just started laughing at me I was like sometimes don't worry like everything's okay just on a downer so she was introducing me to this lifestyle do you know what I mean babe and I guess at 17 years old I was working at home bargains six pound I think it was like six pound fifty an hour minimum wage at the time and uh she started showing me this life and I'm not gonna lie babe it was cool man like do you know what I mean like I was getting shown a life I'd never seen before um getting attention yeah and also like I said to you before I'd already confused attention with love like from school so I was already like sexually active um thinking that it was normal to um you know just kind of act a certain way and I noticed that if I acted a certain way around guys then I would get what I wanted um but this isn't this isn't the right way babe like you know like this is where I feel like we have to talk about this because especially young girls they need to know that we're worth more than that do you know I mean like me personally like I feel like we're not why do we have to be seen as sexual objects do you know I mean like why can't we be empowered and and see ourselves as strong women that can make something like in their lives like I'm not saying that anyone in that industry isn't doing that I just know that from being on both sides of the spectrum I know what feels better and um at the time it might have felt normal but I started to cut off a part of myself block it out yeah massively babe and I guess the drugs as well like taking the drugs like massively influence that and um like as we know like Coke will give you dopamine so you're like whoa like everything's you're on a massive high and uh that was when when I was 17 and all this had started happening she then disclosed herself as a prostitute to me and when that happened um she said to me about oh you won't judge me will you and obviously I'm not like I was her best friend like I honestly worshiped the ground she walked on and it was weird because she was a bit of a narcissist because she would always kind of control me a bit you know like make sure you're there at that time Sam if she was outside my door and I was late oh my god the the kind of like reaction that she'd give me I guess looking back now I kind of understand it was kind of a control mechanism be here at that time do what I tell you to do and um I was kind of just willingly doing it I remember she used to be like oh I just take my top off in the car when we're on the motorway so what did I do took off my top in the car on the motorway so monkey scene monkey do and I'm very aware now that the company that you keep you actually mirror them um we know in our brains we have mirroring her on so what we see we do and I guess at that time that's all I was doing was reflecting what I thought was normal and to me she was normal but what wasn't normal was the fact that I thought it was okay to sell my body at 17 years old um unprotected bear back up and down the country with this girl thinking that it was okay to do that I guess people need to understand as well when you're under the age of 18 you're not actually like a prostitute like um you're being exploited because you're a miner and uh I don't know babe like nothing in my head thought that that wasn't right I just was so like enthralled with this and I guess when I got given the money I was like oh this is great you know this is more than my EMA this is more than um the money that I'm getting at home bargains and uh yeah that was it then that wouldn't start to spiraling yeah massively babe massively 17 man fucking hell that but it just goes to show that what can be done how how vulnerable kids can be as well too but then I've had a woman called Barbara O'Haron who's an amazing woman she wrote the book called The Hospital okay so on the pedophile rings and stuff oh wow they've got like a checklist so in this hospital Nasting Hall they were drugging the kids abusing the kids experimenting on the kids and killing the kids so what happens is they had a checklist the doctors had a checklist for vulnerable kids runaways um kids broken homes all the usual ships so what happens is they used to get into this hospital and then sign the kids off as crazy so what happens is the kids were actually running away and escaping but when they went to the police station the police were just taking them back because it was in the report that they were crazy so there's a checklist for people to then and grow and people are easily grim because they've not got the mum and dad's there was there any ever any telltale signs from your dad or your mum that you know you were they knew that you were fucking going down all that there's not feel tired or haggard us babe I'll be honest with you at the start it wasn't like a full throttle thing like every day kind of thing like um it was a case of I was with this girl a lot my mum and dad hated her they were like why are you hanging about this lady like what are you doing but we're gonna tell a 17 year old kid babe do you know what I mean like I was like do one like don't tell me what to do like she's my best friend and she's an amazing person and I backed her for till the day babe um did she ever force you to do anything I was at all from your free will you're just following her yeah I was I wasn't I was following her like that's what I'm saying like I was putting myself in such situations and I wasn't seeing the danger just because I was I was thinking it was normal because my best friend was doing it and looking back now like I'm like what the hell were you doing Sam you know I mean like I got into cars with guys like I didn't know that I could have been taken anywhere you know and um I guess like what we're gonna talk about later just shows like how these other cretins are there waiting for you like you said like there is people that are praying and they're waiting and when you fall into a certain criteria that's it you know yeah they're praying on the vulnerable in the week yeah the ones who can't think for themselves the ones who can't see the bigger picture it's took you a few years but you've still learned and you've grown from it this is where you can now help other people and it's difficult because you won't listen to people who are close to you but that's the wrong person that like oh my mom and dad just my dad always knew who the wrong ones were and when I was a young kid let's stay away from him son he's bad news and time passes man they're either in for murder or they've been murdered they're doing what they're doing and you're thinking fuck listen to my dad yeah but again everybody I was at that age as well I thought I knew everything I knew fuck oh I'm still at that age I still can't know everything you know I'm talking about this shit now but somebody was to tell me I was doing something wrong but that fuck oh that's the irony of it I just don't make the same mistakes as what we did as frequently which is the most important thing for change have you ever spoke to this girl no baby so actually so the thing is not now no no no but did you ever know her story her backstory no this is the thing to check her heart to do that as well exactly and this because what I want to go on to this later about that this is a broken society like this is a hurt people that are continuing their cycles of abuse hurting people I mean later on I can like you know we'll find out like I didn't know certain things about her like that she had a sister I didn't know about you know and there was things like as we go on to the other part of my story there was things I found out about her I didn't know so I'll be honest with you there is a good chance that this because with my other perpetrator he was telling me that he had been born into this so what he was doing to me had happened to him and again I'm not justifying anything what's happened I'm just saying it makes sense for these cycles to continue because that's all that it is it's just hurt people hurt in other people or doing what they think is the norm you know and again like I don't blame her like I am here just to let people understand that what can happen if you can choose a path in your life you know and you don't listen and I guess deep down like I knew I knew like what I was doing was wrong but I wasn't I guess I didn't have that self-worth babe and that's a sad thing because like I think about it now and I didn't care about myself I didn't love myself I didn't I didn't care about what I was doing and um like when you're being groomed as well like I always think to people like because I've looked into like other things now like it's very close to like domestic violence do you know I mean like they'll be friends you first so you don't really know what's going on because they are like your I guess your knight in shining armor they're there to be your best friend and um you've accomplished and stuff and then that's when they isolate you and that's what she did to me um it was always I was always with her I was never at my house um she stayed at my house once I mean a very big comment that she never wanted to go back it was dirt age you know I mean like it wasn't what she wanted around um my mum never let her stay at my house at her house um for a reason my mum didn't like her you know um and that when I guess the isolation happened that's when I guess I was only listening to her more than anyone else even more than myself you know how long were you effort for um oh my god so I was with her from 16 but then until I ended up meeting the man the perpetrator because she introduced me to him at what age so um after I had been groomed and I met my um perpetrator at 21 the one that human trafficked me and was a satanist and stuff but um obviously this lady as well she got me a job on um babe station um I don't know someone the guys might know yeah but like some like obviously I was a miner on that show it was a show called Hotel Voyeur yeah I know babe so she got me a job on this Hotel Voyeur it's been closed down now thank god because if it hadn't I would have made sure that it would have been and um like expose them for who they are the same way I'm doing now but it was mad because they assumed because I was with her that I was above age but then again like they didn't ask me for any idea they didn't ask me any questions like that and I'm telling you now babe like in um this babe station seeing this is where the drugs are there's a lot of drugs around there's a lot of abused people there a lot of girls in that industry you start to realize this is where the damage is you know and I think personally from being in the sex industry I know that a lot of the even the men and the women like they've been through a shit babe do you know what I'm saying and I guess in that industry you have to cut a part of yourself off babe and so when I was 17 I ended up getting into babe station but then um I also got into the adult industry when I was 18 years old I took that plunge she then again took me to my first shoot and this is what happens as well babe so when you're an aspiring model um you know there was things like my space in purple port back in the day when I was um like to start in my career and um that was where a lot of the people try and find you as well there's a lot of people on there that are trying to exploit you and they will try and find you people who are pretending to be photographers you know and really just wanting a little picture of you for their own little seedy thing um and everyone wanted to be that girl do you know I mean everyone wanted to be the Jordan everyone wanted to be the page three girl so anything that got you there I guess you would do you know there was a when I was in that industry babe like I went into the adult industry and honestly for three years like again I was cutting off a part of myself but it's so dark babe like I don't I don't know how um I mean obviously that I do know now how I got through it but there was a lot of drugs do you know what I'm saying um I always say that I sold a part of my soul because I really feel like I did I've become um this alias who was a sex object and I just fucking I didn't care about myself and um sorry there was um thanks babe I was looking at them there was a lot of girls in the industry that um you know were damaged you know there was a lot of domestic violence going on so when I went on babe station like you know a lot of the girl like we I was known for for being one of the the cokeheads on on the set and they'd take the mick out of me and we and another girl um we had nicknames and it was it it's just sad that it just become that normal do you know what I mean like even the producers were sniffing lines with us babe do you know what I'm saying so people need to realize about this stuff and um adult industry Jesus like when I when I think back now James like I'm not going to lie to you like I uh I pushed my body to places like because I know now what like um what love is and and what consensual sex is I don't think like I was um I didn't have any respect for my body I was I was doing things because I felt I had to because if I didn't I wouldn't get the work you know but I guess when I got into the industry and when I was 18 it was mad because even then babe they're the the vultures they were there waiting for you and the first scene I ever did was it was with a company called Kilogram and there was a pimp in that in that company luckily I didn't get pimped out by him I probably would have preferred him because I found out later who the girls he was pimping um and he wasn't as um he was a bit nicer than my pimp anyway um but even still that's what I'm saying the the the type of people that are around that industry do you know what I mean and it was funny because the um the people who run Kilogram they try and get you in and they're like um oh you're going to be like a family to us you know they introduce you to their kids like they um they they start telling you that everyone bad minds them in in the industry and and it's because of what they do babe like they they are trying to push girls to levels like to do for an extra 50 quid yeah and and because that's the first company you go to you don't know that you can end up getting grants for things and the thing with the adult industry babe is when you have um your first scenes so say if you add um like jenna jamison's first scene or something you will end up then having a hell of money when she gets blown up you know and they know exactly what they were doing because it wasn't just me they did it too they did it to a lot of other girls as well and then obviously as I get into the industry and start to get a bit more involved in it I realize exactly what they were doing but everyone was doing it I felt normal this is why it's so scary for kids nowadays because of the things that they can see we go back to your great-grandfather we see more images in one hour than they've seen their whole life so 80% of stuff that's on porn is abuse so people are watching abuse rape scenes sexual abuse scenes like people are watching it and listen I've watched porn for years I've watched porn you fuck you were a fucking porn star for years you're not me not I've got friends who are porn stars that I know people who still watch porn but what it does is it blackens the brain as well because you're watching something that you think is abnormal that's why girls don't look to objects but so do guys as well so it just fucks with the mindset you've got you talk about the mirror image with the mirror neurons where you're seeing things and you're thinking it's normal Britney Spears hit me baby one more time kids what am I doing hot pants now so they're normalizing things with the brain that's why it's also important to try and have some knowledge of certain things that I've just been blessed to have been interviewing people and speaking to people to get a bit understanding everything I know porn stars I've got great friends who are in the porn industry they've come on we've had a laugh but we can still see they're broken as well because it's the usual suspects the broken homes stripper drugs escorting to fucking hanging down whatever because you're darkening your frequency every time your energy hanging around there's low vibrational people where it becomes normal but you feel drained so you're blocking it out all the time it's not yeah so it puts a blocker on it but you've been blessed to have managed to come out and see the world definitely but the porn industry is crooked as fuck now we've got playboy we've had fucking 11 12 year old girls on at Brook Shields 10 we've got the Sun newspaper with girls at 15 16 so it's everywhere but we're so blinded because we're so caught up in the rat race that we can't be open-minded to the these things go on a lot of people we news talk about blocking out the pain so does everybody else and they use porn to do that as well do you know i'm saying like it's scientifically proven that if you watch porn you're actually depressed yes babe and I'm such a big geek now babe like on these things like neuroscience like ever since like I've had my brain controlled I was like held to the know like I need to work out what is going on in our brains for us to be so susceptible to these things and it's so true like it's it's coming from a place of trauma because we haven't been able to deal with it it was like broken homes like we haven't been able to deal with that dysfunction because of society telling us you've got to have a mum you've got to have a dog everything's perfect a dad a picketed fence like it's not like that what about the kids that are getting abraped by their dad you think that like how are they meant to handle their shit and I'm telling you babe like there's a lot of girls in that industry a lot of homeless people that are in them predicaments like because of their lives that they've had as children and this is what we need to do we need to protect the children like that's my message now is hashtag save our children even though they're censoring it like I am trying to get that message out there so that we stop this for the next generation Cardi B little Nazx look at where we're going the young kids now they're getting groomed on TikTok fortnight like and I didn't have that babe like we had MSN in my space yeah and a shit you not people were sending dick pics then so you got to understand how they're working now and this is why I have to do this because they people don't understand how easy it is and instead of judging the stripper instead of judging the homeless person think about what the fuck they've been through and how they've got to where they are um so yeah the adult industry babe like I need to let people understand I've seen rape like I have seen abuse I've seen fucking I remember like my first um scene where I was gonna do um my first anal scene and um I was downstairs and there was a girl doing her scene she'd just come back after a little while about three or four guys I think it was Bachelor you know and she was shitting herself everywhere and it was and they were laughing about it there was like rabbit droppings on the floor again like I'm just about to do my first scene you know I mean 19 year old girl and I literally shit myself babe I was like oh my god and it's not pretty you gotta do these things called enemas and do do dooshies like where you've got to stick things up you to get it all out you know I mean like it's it's not very nice um and then you know the whole um violate in um divine feminine energy you know like it's a sacred exchange babe you know I mean like sex now that we know that it's a sexual exchange but then the way that it's so abusive like it's mad but anyway I went to do my scene and I was so scared because I fucking pure white bed and all this and I'm just like oh my god you know I mean the worst things are going through my head babe and um I remember the guy who I was working with and it sounds weird but he was like can everyone leave the room because he was like you're okay I was like no I'm really nervous because it's my first one and um luckily he'd worked with girls that had done their first scenes like that before and he was like um everyone leave the room and he was just trying with me and I was in so much pain babe and he was just like don't worry we'll sort it and then the camera rolled and I um it was so painful that the guy exfixiated me um to the point of me passing out I don't watch any of my stuff back um but I know I passed out on that scene so he would have been fucking basically someone who was unconscious and I remember coming back to after like you know coming back and I don't know how many minutes it was but when I did come back I remember looking at him and I was like like this and I was just like whoa do you know I mean but you can't you can't stop you just carry on with the scene and I remember after like literally babe like grabbing him and being like thank you like for fucking exfixiating me I'm just like what the fuck because that's the kind of mindset you have babe you are thank you are thanking people for stopping you from pain and you're not realizing that you're in pain and you're just kind of like diminishing yourself and pushing yourself more to levels and these girls will do bigger levels than you babe and if you don't do them levels you won't get booked do you know what I'm saying and it's sad because now it's like a cattle market one in one out one in one out and you've only got to hear about the stories now I think Jenna Jameson's the one that's been talking about like you know the darker stuff that's what's going on in the adult industry and let's face it babe like it's covering up the dark web which is where I don't even use that word like children and porn that that doesn't go into the same sentence each child rape content each child explicit content and then what I'm dressing up as a schoolgirl in a movie I'm dressing up as someone's daughter in a movie we are promoting pedophilia and incest babe like big big facts like we have to see it for what it is like why what we're like oh no we are we you know we're just um we're having fetishes no this is desensitizing us babe massively and it's like you said before about the brain when you watch porn um the the the gray mattering your amygdala it increases so you become more stressed you become more anxious like so what are we doing like realistically it's an addiction in it like and I guess like what people need to realise is just like any addiction it's not healthy and that that industry babe is one of the most unhealthy industries I've ever been you know I've ever been in and I'm so glad that I was in it for the reason now that I can speak about it and just be like no babe like let's face it if the money's there if the money wasn't there would you do it it's the most watch thing on the internet plus it's free it's so easy access and that's the scary thing you've got to look at the things we can't even fucking say the word they're a little bit cut down but there's words now we censor straight away pick up and it's flagged but yet all that shit it's not censored pedophilia is not censored the porn's not censored people are just fucking it's just a free throw but people don't know this kind of stuff the same as the men they think they're in there to do a job you're in there you think you're in there to do a job so it's the whole industry it's the people who are producing it it's the people who are making the content who are just throwing it out there it's they're all fucked in the head yeah babe they are it's not necessary that they're bad people that it's not necessary that you were a bad person but that's a bad bad thing so that's not just you that's the other people who can't really see it because their eyes aren't open to it how long were you in that industry for sammy um so I was there for three years babe and um so pretty short then yeah but enough to fucking give you some serious trauma the thing was babe like I was um I guess at the the high heights of it you know I was I was uh flown around the world I was guess I was in the top echelons if you want to say it of of the battle industry um I was getting flown to private islands I was staying behind the Hollywood sign you know I wasn't doing no low budget movies babe but even still the pain was there do you know I mean I used to fucking stay up sniffing coke till 6 a.m like looking at people like Amy Winehouse thinking oh it's okay this is my life like I used to be like telling people I'm gonna do this till I'm 50 I'm gonna be one of them grandmas like Jesus me I'm not being funny but you'll shit and sneeze if you end up being like that like you know I mean like real talk babe there is a lot of damage um when I went to LA a lot of the girls were on um Xanax um and Valium you know I mean like to get through it and and that just shows about it and yeah there is a lot of damage that's going on and it's a very dark world and um for me now the reason that we have to like tackle this is because again the youngest person that's going online is seven years old that's been documented I've I met um I did an interview and he was on the same interview as a man who was four and he got shown bestiality porn and I remember that movie going around when I was a kid of the woman getting you know fucked by a horse like and that was bestiality in school babe this now is where we have to think is this really worth our addiction to pass this on to the next generation because now we're having kids that have got the same addiction as us but then they're 10 11 years old and if they're gonna see that and then think that that's normal in a relationship babe then what's happening we're just creating all of these monsters but the kids now by the age of seven or eight have already seen over 10,000 murders I know through computer games, films, cartoons then you go as deep as Disney where oh there's a bunch of messes and stuff like you can go you can go right deep no I know a lot of shit man but again a question myself is it is it true is it fake is it real you don't you just don't know but it's still good to be knowledgeable and so many different things to give your input and understand I try and look at every angle to try and make sense of it all like I don't know all the answers just because I watch a few videos it doesn't make me a fucking expert I go my gut feeling I go my soul I try and detach away from the things that I know is damaging my soul or blurring my major blurring my frequency yes so I'm trying to do the right things to then see the world clearer then into wishing become strong because I've got a very strong intuition I see things a lot of people might think it's fucking nuts I'm nuts anyway I'm still crazy I'm like we're all still a little fucking loopy but I'm trying to do things the right reason and if you're conditioning you look at all the Disney movies every every character that's in a Disney film has never been raised by a mom or dad yeah there's always a step mom a single mom a single dad and the parents die sometimes don't they people are getting murdered now these cartoons are holding guns and knives and people are getting murdered like the brain doesn't know what's real it's fake so the brain absorbs that so if you're getting constantly fed that information if you're getting constantly seen that shit then it becomes a normalized so that's why it normalizes things and then when people do that like you're doing that stuff it doesn't you know it was bad because there was something inside you telling you it was bad but you thought it was fucking normal yeah babe I just accepted that this was like kind of like the norm do you know what I mean and this is again like why we have to kind of like try and show people about these stories so they can unwire themselves before you know they make I just don't want someone to have to get that far into it you know if we give these kind of information obviously it's it's up to the person what to do with it but the more that we are able to have these conversations the more that the power of of that detrimental society is going to go do you know what I mean because people are aware like once you're aware of these things like you can then make more of a conscious choice we it really is about lifting the consciousness of other people to see like you be in control of your brain and be like oh yeah if you've seen that know that you've seen it instead of it just going through you and then you're not realizing that you're actually acting that out so yeah babe the adult industry I want I want um adult actress of the what like adult actress of the year award um it really was sex drugs and rock and roll like but it wasn't like it was like rock and roll I'm rocking about mate you know I mean I was like a rag doll babe and again like because I know now who I am and I know my worth I know that was all linked to not having any self-worth because I was seeing myself as um an object and I was seeing myself as a commodity um and I wasn't listening to little Sam because all little Sam wanted was love and to be accepted but I was getting it from the wrong people and this is why it's so important that we know our worth because people have agendas and people in that industry their agenda was just to get me out you know I mean make sure that they they get me to the highest level they can and push me out there as much as they possibly can because what it sells you know so uh bloody hell I wish in my head now I wish I would have bloody stayed in that industry because obviously like what come next that was the worst for me babe I didn't even know that stuff like this existed you know we're all aware of like the adult industry and we're all aware of grooming and stuff like that but the the thing I'm going to go on to next like I just didn't think was real I didn't know that people like this were real I didn't know I thought like you know you hear conspiracy you hear about satanic ritual abuse and you just think fucking like what is that like no one really knows and I didn't know either but lo and behold anyway when I was 21 um this girl I was still her best friends with and um she had um got introduced to this man she'd found so basically there's a site called adult work um and this is a site where escorts and people do webcamming and stuff like that and she was on that and she went on there um and she had met this man and this man introduced himself to her like as a saviour you know a gangster someone who was going to be able to give her the dreams that she wanted and she wanted to be a madam so he promised her that as long as she started to bring on girls so he was taking her money um but not all of her money but um you know was saying this is going to go towards your escort agency righty righty so uh she was trying to get me involved with this guy and at first I was like nah me leave it out don't want nothing to do with him he's a weirdo um she was telling me about him and I just it was straight away like I was like no but she persisted and she had an influence on me babe and um I remember getting back from Vegas 21st birthday um just after um we got back and uh this is when I met um Steven McAllister and uh fucking hell babe the evil the evil I never knew evil like this existed but anyway when I met him I was introduced to him as the man you know the guy that was gonna give us all of our dreams and all this kind of jazz and um he had been prepped for me he knew about my family he knew about my co-condiction he knew about the job and everything he just knew everything babe and he was fucking savvy as fuck he was smart he was um he was just so like when I met him he just made out he was such a nice person and he just wanted to help me and my family he wanted to make sure that I was able to give my family um because I was always like oh I want to make sure you know that I can retire my dad and all this and he was like I'll make sure that happens so I'll look after you you can be my woman all this and then start chatting shit saying oh my women you know they're all in my bayer I look after them and you know I've got this house and if you want to be my woman you're just gonna have to do what I say and this was when you know it started obviously you brought a bag of coke had me there and um it wasn't straight away babe like at first he was like a gentleman it was really nice to me he was like I guess my friend and he was trying to um tell me about this girl Becky and how that she had been um she had set me up he was trying to make out that she had set me up and um not only that she was she wasn't who I thought she was so this is what I said to you before I'd found out things about her so I'd found out she had a sister found out she was paying her bills from a bank account didn't know but it was funny because she always used to call me nice but dim and then I realized why she used to call me that because she was getting away with buying my own birthday present from me with my own bank account and um that was when my loyalty I guess went from Becky to Steve and it's the same process they use the same process these these human trafficers they they honeypot you yeah so they'll like get you and they'll promise you the world um some of them be boyfriend the girls you know and stuff like that and it's the same tactic like they've they um they befriend you and then they isolate you so once my loyalty had gone from Becky to Steve it was quite easy then to uh manipulate oh yeah but I was manipulated anyway like I was I was I was like totally like this guy's gonna save my life like you know I mean at the time I just wanted to have an out of the industry and I was telling him about like how the industry had like kind of screwed me over a bit and how like toxic it was and he was like oh you know why don't we make this production company and I was like oh my god like this is an amazing idea like this is something that that I can help the girls then to show how to make their own money do you know I mean like what I'd said to you before like get your own website do your own stuff you know I mean and all that kind of stuff and that was my dream that was so to me and I but I fucking bought it mate I bought it what was it you were doing for him what what was I to do for him oh what did I actually have to get targets like girls no targets I had to get money for him so I had to get um like basically it started off with like two grand a week so it was a case of I had to lie on my back and get the money for him but I didn't I didn't know because obviously I was seeing myself as a sex object anyway I didn't realize I was guess was being trafficked I didn't realize like me handing over I thought I was giving my money for the production company you know but it was so real because he he took me to places and we we went to have a meeting with the daily sport and he took me to places where we was gonna you know we were gonna rent out this room to shoot we had leaflets made babe leaflets like and it was like it was all really happening and then um basically I wasn't allowed to ask questions and if I ever lied he said if I ever if you ever lie and I find out that's when trouble will happen and I guess I was lying anyway I didn't want to be there do you know I mean and he was like kept asking me oh do you want to be here with me and it was it was a slow process because it was a kind of like maybe an overnight you know like sniffing for a full night and then getting information out of me um maybe a little slap because I didn't sort him out because he would always be like you have to sort me out and I guess again thinking that this was normal to do um and he was my man and I had to do you know what he said but there was a time when I said I didn't want to do it you know and that was when a bit of the slap's gone but I guess my mind was already weak babe like I was already like from the ages of 16 I'd already been manipulated do you know I mean I was already in this industry I was already driven by drugs so it's funny because he used to take the person laugh and be like it was so easy to get you um but I guess the whole process in itself it was kind of when he took me away from Becky and um it was about six months I guess into it when things just started to get weird babe do you know I mean it wasn't a case of just being pimped out it was a case of um he started saying weird stuff about um like the Illuminati he started asking me questions being like do you know who they are but at the time it's over my end like do you know I mean I was just like making sure I was getting the money for him because it was the targets so about six months he was like oh um do you know about the Illuminati at the time I had gone to um Island so when I went to Ireland I met this this man now apparently Steve had set up this man yeah and um I ended up getting a bit of feelings for him and I had told a lie about him so that I could go and see him again and that was when uh I guess I was in trouble because I lied and then you know he had my my parents address and that was when it was kind of like I'm gonna kill your family you know and I'm part of this Illuminati and I was just like I don't know what that is do you know I mean I was just kind of like yeah whatever but then um the nights got longer and then um the rape started happening um and it was like more constant you know and it was it was weird because it was all like in the name he used to say that he was Lucifer he said he was the devil and then he just started saying all of this weird stuff like like that he had been born into a cult like we were saying before like I see I don't know how true this is babe but from what he was doing like genuinely I can't imagine anyone being taught apart from being taught behaviour like that because like even though I was brought up in a broken home like I never knew about stuff like this bitch you know what I mean like I didn't know about um sleep depriving people and mind controlling people like um there was just very weird stuff that he'd used to do um like speaking in tongue around me and stuff but this was when like other girls would start to come do you know I mean like he would he would have a set way of doing things and this was when obviously I was the broken girl I was there and he was always introducing me as his manager to people and on Isabella I was just like yeah he's my manager he's here to help us he's here to do all the good and stuff like that and these girls they were so fucking more smarter than I was like they they had been they you know they would stay for a little while and then they'd go but I fucking stayed every time babe and I I stayed to people like I genuinely thought that if I if I was to go then my family would get killed but it wasn't only that babe like I was scared for myself like I was I was getting this done to me on a weekly basis do you know what I mean so basically I'd go away I'd work I'd work I'd get the target and I'd come back and honestly behave like seeing him was the worst I never wanted to see him ever think about killing him the weirdest thing was he actually put a knife to um me one time and then switched the knife around and was like come on do it yeah I'm fucking doing is that the Stockholm syndrome? yeah really was babe I literally thought I used to be like even when I'm at my missies I was like this man's my best friend he's there to look after me even was telling her like he's a good person and literally this is why it's so sad because people always be like oh why didn't you just walk away like how can you say that to anyone who's in an abusive situation they don't know about what you feel like when you're there like you get broken down babe this man used to piss in my mouth and used to fucking rape me and you know he was sick in the head babe like so basically as well like like I say he was weird like after like six months like he started like really talking about weird stuff like um like pedophilia a lot and incest and like um like um bestiality like he used to always like talk about like it was fucking normal babe do you know what I mean like trying to like I don't know yeah this is what I'm saying and obviously at the time like honestly like you can my ex-boyfriends they're fucking like probably twice the size of shoes you know what I mean they got no neck like there was no way in the hell like he could have fucking put that in me even if he tried like but it was the whole process of it babe like there was um he never said that straight away do you know I mean it was kind of like slowly slowly and that's what that's what these people do it's it's it's a slow process do you know I mean like they don't just come in and just slap you up some some people get taken course they do and then they get jacked up on heroin and and put put away somewhere but these these people they're master manipulators babe and and these human traffickers they are so like the way that I can explain him I always say it's like an evil Darren Brown because he was fucking smart where was he from um he was actually well he used to say that he was from Scotland what yeah babe do you know um there was a guy who was on your show yeah and this is how this is how he had me babe this is how scared I was to question anything there was a guy and I think I messaged you Paul Ferris yeah he used to say he was him like and he'd had reconstructive surgery like and literally like so obviously like when you look up this guy this guy's a fucking gangster do you know what I'm saying like he's a proper gangster and this is the audacity of it like he used to go around saying yeah but he also said at the start when I first met him that um he'd killed his son and that um the reason that he killed his son was because um he grasped on the police to him um so it was planting seeds so that's just fear tactics yeah that's just the fear tactics that he just sounds psychotic how did it end up coming that he got the jail so after the three years so this is what I'm saying so it was a long three years babe like like I I I don't even think in my head I ever thought I thought that was my life do you know what I'm saying but there was um how old is this man he's must be like nearly 50 he's on the he's on he's on he's on the internet for people to look up because he obviously got branded the evil pimp of Birmingham um because obviously it wasn't just me there was a minor involved um there was obviously other girls that were involved um but he's directly arrested because of me and the minor I actually had a pampon man but it seemed more glorified but when I told you story people's were so engrossed with the story he's got girls who work for him on the webcam but he's got private planes there's all that shit there's not really much a difference and he's wanting somebody to do a story I want him to sit with somebody to do a story but I'd like you to sit with him and do the story because he thinks it's normal he's got the girls he says they can leave whenever they want though but part of me doesn't really believe that as well because the girls who do that I don't know how he is very refundable I don't listen there's pimps out there I don't know I have any fucking pimps yeah yeah yeah I'd imagine it'd be okay ones yeah they're because like I said to you that other guy from Kilogram like don rubles like he was still like he was still giving girls half of their money like babe I was made to give like five grand a week sometimes do you know I mean I had one of the girls pimping me out and I thought it was her because he was beating the shit and raping her and then she was doing it to me and I didn't know and I was blaming her and then she was blaming me saying oh you got me involved like he's fucking sick how many girls were there with him so for when I was there there was must have been at least there he goes but what that went and gone for the whole time the same process you were going through with you no this was the thing so with me like I don't know what it was with me but also the minor as well like he was evil like but he was evil to everyone but when they start he started getting evil the worst the worst people babe were the homeless girls would you like when he used to bring him in off the streets and he used to he used to like control them with their drugs so we used to make them rattle first and I my first ever girlfriend was a heroin addict and you know I I used to get her stuff because I never wanted her to be in pain because obviously like if people don't realise like with heroin it can you know it goes into your full body system you know and when you don't have it breaks you down and that's exactly what he did to them babe like he would take their drugs and make them rattle to the point of where they were shitting themselves and stuff and then he would be their savior because he would give them the drugs you know and now I look back that was me but with the coke you know like and he'd just come and every weekend when I'd see him you know I did much that I didn't want to see me to have my bag of coke so I'd be like thank you and it's fucking sad because you know people be sitting there like junkie and they judge people they don't have a clue man these girls these girls off the street James have had the worst lives I remember one of the girls bless her she was so sweet and you know she was even so sweet like one of the punters gave her a makeup box and she wanted to give it to me it's just like look I was like babe I don't want that like you know it's tacky she's like oh but it's nice he tried to help us and she still had that sweet part of her you know and um like he was just so evil to her like you know he just used to call them scumbabe like and he this was the thing as well like he had a type so it was like obviously vulnerable always but there were young girls um or they were homeless girls or single moms and this is what I want to go on to because it was one of the single moms that kind of broke um the seal for me open jalaise yeah so she was really big um she was really big into god and um she she wasn't as I say religious in regards to like you know um I guess like hardcore religious but she believed in god and she had the bible and I guess when um she came it was mad because she came through adult work it was through him um through adult work because that's how we got a lot of his girls through adult work getting him there and um the whole thing was there sat down I was the manager and um at this point I'd um I'd been branded I'm literally getting this taken off now but with the six six six on my finger um and she was there and I've had this conversation with her and she said yes I'm she went the only reason I stayed was because of you because she actually knew about things like the illuminati and cults and stuff like that and when he started doing saying he was the devil and stuff that's when she was like okay I know I need to stay and it was weird like she had three girls of her own do you know what I mean and she was she was just adamant that she had to stay and um I guess like she was like a bit of my saviour because she was the first person to tell me what he was saying to her because everyone else we never were allowed to communicate he was very smart he would put one girl in a room speak to them take the other one out and you weren't allowed to talk and then the whole blame tactic of each other you know but she was the first person to tell me what he was saying and it was mad like I was then I guess started to think what he was saying to me wasn't what he was saying to her and I kind of I guess I was kind of starting to think for myself like as opposed to being a mind control puppet who was you know bitch do as you say because that's exactly who I was babe I was a dog on a lead you know I mean he said jump I said how I um wish your mom and dad at this time so this was the thing like I used to go back home babe like I used to literally go back home and they knew they didn't know and this was the worst part I used to remember going back at Christmas once and it was off my fucking face babe like literally and my dad's so innocent like he doesn't know about like coke and stuff and I remember I wasn't eating and he was like he's like are you okay I was like yeah no I'm fine and I would just be sniffing in the toilet at Christmas going back but babe I was so scared do you know I mean so whenever I went back I would put on them a big front because I never I just I knew he will he said I knew what would happen if I if I ever did anything wrong I mean even if I wasn't doing anything wrong I didn't even want to chance it babe do you know I mean like of doing anything to step out a line but um I knew that he had their addresses and every time like I just I remember you know there was weird stuff that would happen as well because obviously you know when he told us we were he was the Illuminati so mad thing happened on my tv and everything like and that's when I was like who is this man do you know I mean like a message come up on tv but I've looked into it now in comedy central apparently this happens like they'll put subliminal messages up but he know like anyone could say that they were part of the Illuminati babe because you can look up all this stuff but he really was using like weird um like you know techniques and stuff like that without without with us to what like so he would try and disassociate our brains so like um your left and right side yeah so that we had zero emotion um and he would like I said the whole tongue thing um and then like just like just do you think he's been that fucking psychotic though that he's tried to learn that to yeah then manipulate people and watching videos to then educate himself how to manipulate the masses it could be that but he also used to say that his mum was a prostitute like and that he was um like rented out as a kid and stuff like that and I think you've got to take everything that he says is a fucking pinch assault though you don't know what i'm saying babe honestly like when we went to court like he had a high rise like he had kids babe and he had a mrs and this is what I'm saying like was he leading a double life were these kids okay like I still don't know till this day obviously like so he was in court like his kids and his kids were in court so I was but I don't know if his kids were there I know his mrs was there though because my dad said you know yeah well yeah I don't know if it was his wife but it was his mrs but anyway the woman anyway like she was like I guess my my saviour she was the first person that made me start to um understand that there was something not right because he was saying one thing to her and then saying one thing to me but I was then realizing for once we were being played off each other and I never knew that before so things started to click in my head about what if all the other girls were you know what if everything that had happened with us like all the other girls like that it was like it was him the whole time doing his little puppet shit because that's what you used to do money like little puppeteer like thinking he was fucking smart and shit um when really you just would pick on on vulnerable weak people and that's all these people are babe and that's why we have because they're weak themselves exactly themselves they're bullies they would never pick on you know a big man you know I'm saying like they'll never do stuff like that um and that's exactly why I'm not scared anymore because I know that like all he is is a bully um and um so when she started to speak to me and stuff he basically um he banished her and was like she has to go and you can't speak to her and I guess that was the first time that I uh disobeyed him um he didn't know obviously and I was still like having communication with her because I really um I loved her daughters like her daughters were like a really big part of um a positive part of my life at that time like they were helping me to I guess feel a bit more normal um and uh it was mad because um I ended up like going out for my birthday one year like I was allowed out for my birthday and I went out with that lady um and that was when I met um Mara who I'm with now and I cry every time because it's just why because it's just so relieving that I fucking got saved I just love her so much and I'm so grateful that I got given a chance you know I got given a chance babe and um when I went out for my birthday and um oh god I just look at pictures of me now the state of me like oh my god but it was sad because obviously like I was very skinny I was drawn in you know but I just looked back at me so I was just like so mad that she fell in love with me um in that state and even till this day she just said so how am I just seeing it in you you were so beautiful and I guess it was hard for me because I didn't see myself as that I'd never ever see myself as beautiful even till this day I tried like you know to see myself in the best light but fucking how did I fuck then I didn't have a clue where you know um and this was really um the start of the break in for me so at first it was kind of like um he knew there was he couldn't get her how's he gonna pimp out her like she was working at my key she was going for a first stash good class degree um in her university and um yeah what how is she know what you were doing so I dropped all that shit on her this was the thing she knew that I was going away and I was working but she thought that it was um because he was um my manager you know me and I introduced him again as the manager and I had to give him money were you not scared to introduce her though in case he manipulated her but this was the thing though babe but I had to I'd never had a private life like I had to whoever was around me and the mad thing was was when I um went out first it was her best friend that I met so her best friend ended up coming to stay with me and then she met Steve this girl and this girl got manipulated by him massively um but she also took money off me as well this girl and obviously like at the time um I just was going along with it she was the security Mara's best friend was um but after I guess a month or something of this happening um Mara had split up with her girlfriend at the time and then she come around and um I guess it just happened naturally that um we fell in love and that was when he started saying like and this was a thing babe like it wasn't a case of me introducing her she was already in the circle of me this girl you know because the her best friend was at my house and um it just naturally happened you know like because he was there anyway like always there he I was I was his property he said so he had to know what I was and what I was doing but um it was mad because when he realised that someone I guess loved me uh he then started to play the good guy you know he was always playing the good guy in front of Mara anyway he never did anything like bad in front of her you know always making sure he was coming out like he was a good man and he was looking after me and everything I was saying was backing that up because I was like he's protecting me and really I only needed protecting from him really you know um but that was when he said we can stop you from brassing now so it was really he made it really cute said on Valentine's day you know you can stop brassing now Sam because you know you've got this missus and let's just get money from webcam so instead of being um trafficked by um sex I was been made to give money for webcam and I wasn't made to see him and I also got left with a five grand coke bill um as well so I was in a bit of a pickle like kind of thing financially but to go he said to me instead of giving me you know two three grand a week just give me two grand a month may I nearly bit off his hand babe like do you know I mean I don't have to see him I give him two grand a month and I get to be with this girl who was just fucking amazing you know I thought fucking hell this is great this is obviously still a shit deal but again I didn't know my worth I didn't know what was going on and I guess the more time I spent around Mara the more that it got um I could think for myself the mind control stopped the abuse had stopped I didn't have to fucking see him anymore and that was when Mara started asking questions because before I was like don't ask any questions babe because obviously I was just reiterating what he had said to me but the more I spent time with her she was like Sam and obviously because even though it's two grand a month he might not seem a lot with webcam like because I wanted my normal life I still had my drug addiction you know I mean the money wasn't coming in as much as it would have if as if I was brassing so I guess money started to go down I was having to pay everything her best friend was basically living in my house rent-free you know I was paying for her and also paying for her food and I guess things just started to get a little bit hard financially like you know a bit of pressure and that's when Mara said she was like why are you giving him money and I I was like she went it was for you know what like and I was like oh it's just for protection babe like just to make sure that I'm okay what do you need protecting from Sam and I was like I don't know and that was when I just started to think like what do I need protection for like what is what is I guess I just started to think like what am I doing why am I giving this man money do you know I mean like what's that about and that's when I asked the question and I still remember to this day like literally walking out of my room like and the couch in the front room and I was pacing up and down and I was never allowed to call him I had to call Pete who was our driver to then call Steve and honestly I'm not even joking babe within minutes this man called me because he knew I had never stepped out of line before like you know I mean I was a bitch that knew her place so when I got the phone when he got the phone call I asked him I thought why why why is this why am I giving you money basically and what is what is this whole situation now and he just said let's call it quits these were his words let's call it quits and I panicked and was like no no no no if you're gonna hurt my family because I was like thinking this is some sick joke do you know I mean I know how twisted he can be like I just don't want any repercussions for my family and he was like no he was like I promise you and then he ended it on this is why I truly think what you're saying is right baby he's a psycho he's a psychopath and this is another reason why I have to tell this story because he's walking the streets now like and this man's like this is walking around like people need to be aware that there's actual perpetrators like this but he was like no no it's this is it this is the end and he was like I did everything for you so obviously with the Illuminati they think they run everything don't they they run the world and he made everything happen for my good you know and this was honestly the weirdest part because after it must have been about two three weeks later the police got in touch with me but what had happened was the minor had started a police inquest a year and a half before and she had been going through the whole with the police trying to you know saying oh there's a girl there we need to go and get her this is where he is and she had had a right ordeal babe like she had a police lady that didn't um believe her the young girl so that she was actually the minor like so she was 17 at the time but she had got away she was there for like a year and a half so when she went to the police she was just like just over 18 so um when she had gone to the police it was sad babe like like honestly like is that why he's let you go so easy because he was under a police investigation no because this is the thing he didn't know babe he didn't have a fucking club babe he didn't know like you know because to let you go and the mass manipulation just as easy as that then he must have knew something do you think my lean percent man mass manipulation telling you what to do taking money off you to then go and just call it quits try to end up in a good note because he's not wanting you to then go and say something against him as well but i never i never thought of it like that but i think um with the whole like policing quest like he's already done now he's now one percent he's now really because surely like because the thing was though babe like if he would have kept me like there was a good chance that i would have had his back but like and then there i'd like these mass manipulators aren't daft though do you know what i mean yeah yeah he's not daft maybe he's probably seeing you with that girl happy and seeing different with you so obviously the tables were turned we wouldn't be able to be as manipulated as the way you would have been when you were doing when you were in your darkness maybe well do you know what layer babe if you did then i hope you were sweating from day like honestly like because pig needed to sweat mate because um so when when the police card come obviously from what i told you i thought it was him setting me up babe so i'm like me i ain't having none of that he killed his son i don't want to be involved in this um and then in the mind i got in touch with me and she was like Sam it's me please please come forward like i have been trying so hard and i just fucking knew i had to do it james like i had to fucking put my big girl pants on do you know what i mean and i i rounded a few girls as well so um maricom but then i got a few girls that he'd also um uh pimped out and done um one of my one of my best friends ended up coming because that's what i'm saying like people who are really close to me my best friend got involved in all this and everything like he took 12 grand off her you know i worked out babe like from do you blame yourself for that i try not to i i still deal with a lot of big of it yeah massively and i think we all do from our mistakes in life you know is that why you're trying to do the good thing like to try and replace it from the bad babe listen like every day now i wake up knowing is like if i can stop one person from coming for it then at least i've tried you know and at least i've i've put some good to this because it's a fucking horrific no one deserves to go through it and there's young girls out there and boys that are going through this and i just think hopefully this is going to raise awareness but it'll do a snowball effect of other people stepping up and realizing that these people are in our schools these people like the guy was trying to make a charity babe with our money and he was in like what so when the um court case started um and the policing question stuff um like i say like the um bless the lady um the young lady like she had faced adversity with the police they didn't um treat her in the best way and um when i went forward it still took a bit of a while you know i mean like to get there um to the the court case and then when we got there that's when a lot of things come out you know like we didn't know that he had kids we didn't know that he he had a mrs and he lived in a high rise in Birmingham and then obviously when he got sent down that's when the papers outed that he was trying to start a charity he was actually going into charities then on the um it's do you know what's the maddest thing like so when um the articles come out about him all of these uh women were going underneath is that the one that pushed you down the stairs is that the one that did this to you like and i'm like whoa this man has been like obviously he's a he's a tyrant to society anyway like but he has been doing this for years babe do you know i'm saying that's why it's important for people to come forward but why the fuck is he staying in a high rise if he's taking in thousands per month what the fuck was he doing if he's running listen so this is another thing so this what i believe massively in karma yeah what one of my side hustles now is that i'm um i'm a professional masseuse for poker players yeah for um private poker players so it's like kind of like vegas you know like when they're playing um you massage them he was fucking gambling with our money babe so basically like i know now some of the guys that he used to play poker with so it wasn't only that obviously he was taking drugs as well but i this is the thing babe because we don't know too much about him so the driver p he ended up getting off and run doing a run at the thailand because i guess if he would have been involved in the court case then might have i don't know if other things would have come up i don't know who this man's going to if he's driving kids about if he's driving girls about within a second as bad as he is will no babe exactly again he's probably manipulative just like you'd have probably been bringing girls in as well so even though you were groomed you would have probably been saying to people this is an amazing job this is great the porn industry is great at that time because you were trying to convince yourself that it was so if he's fucked off then he's obviously knows he would have been a lot something something pete knows and obviously like as well because of me working with the job i do now um was my little side hustle like these these poker players they tell me all sorts about him and they're saying that he was a fucking bully like in there as well like he used to be in the Broadway in in Birmingham like literally playing there they they even knew pete as well and they were the ones that told me that he got off to thailand so i found out all this information and i'm just like mate god he's a good man like you know i mean because i've been it's kind of like i've been able to put the pieces of the puzzle together after you know and i i truly believe in karma but yeah when him when they when we got him sent down obviously the sad thing was was that he got eight and a half years and then got out in four um which makes me just be so mad at the criminal justice system because my friend my best friend yeah like she got put in prison for a text message and served half of the sentence that like he's like what he did like and what and he's selling raping abusing like oh babe the things like it's just it's indescribable anyway and um he's a very evil person and the fact that he's now walking the streets is the thing that bothers me the most not for me i ain't scared like oh fucking i i'm not that person anymore do you know i mean babe but i obviously have PTSD and i check my doors every night and you know i'm battling with my own demons in my head um because sometimes i hear him telling me i'm a piece of shit and stuff do you know i mean hello hi what am i scared of him anymore like he can come in my face all he wants the thing i'm scared of is other other vulnerable people because he's he ain't changed babe four years on good behavior he was manipulating people in there as well mate i'm telling you like what you was in i don't actually know this is the thing that he could have been i know exactly so he could have been in winston green because it was in birmingham do you know what i mean but i actually don't know because they were um my uh police officer support officer like she's not even allowed to tell me where he is now um i'm a victim support officer i've got a restraining order on him so he's not allowed so much radius in in regards to where i live and stuff like that but no you are right like i but sometimes i feel like if i knew would that give me anxiety would i wouldn't go and get him done in like do you know i mean like would i be better would i be um as bad as him if i did these things you know i mean like i've had so many people say some like me sorry i don't just like babe i don't i'm really only here now to prevent this for the for anyone else because babe the thing of the matter is is that we all want to be accepted we all want to be loved and we can all be vulnerable you know and there is still vulnerable i'm in a strong place not a great place but i still get vulnerable i still get insecure i still worry of things like you want to be loved ain't it baby of course everybody wants to be accepted in love but we don't get it the way we should yeah because we don't love ourselves enough exactly babe and this is what i'm this this is why i'm not scared for me because i've got to a place now where i i love myself enough to know that i i only do things that i i like you know i'm trying to drop everything that doesn't serve me like last year i dropped my coke addiction from when i was 17 you know i mean but i know baby took me a long time working process i know and i still have my things now i spoke about like i still have things now like i still you know have destructive habits and i i'm working my way out of them but that is all down to the fact that i have self-worth now i have self-love and most of all like i see my greatest self then i don't have a fucking clue babe do you know what i mean and um i just need people to know that people like this exist like i did not know i knew that there was evil people but fuck me the evil like what about the satanic shit that people don't really believe what kind of stuff was involved in there so this is the whole thing like of him like so he used to like say about the um the new word order a lot um the revelations a lot like he used to call me mary magdalene and all this definitely wasn't an illuminati for staying in a high-rise flat so he's just some fantasist and illusionist like he's a psycho this is what i'm saying he's just a psychopath has been operated the masses because he's vulnerable but you look at all your serial killers you look at all the fucking the mass manipulators come across nice loving caring to get what they want and then bang massive and then it's just break everybody down peel them back and then feed them the seeds that they want to feed them oh he's definitely a psycho babe like without a doubt that you don't you don't make moves like that you know you know i mean like you don't punch someone in the face and then they see a bit of blood and like lick it you know i mean like you don't you don't speak in tongue and like you don't um but speaking tongue like what double dutch like fucking kind of weird yeah that weird dialect babe like like like satan talk like if you um like voodoo shit babe like literally like literally voodoo like there was no pentagrams i never seen no kids sacrificed anything like that he always used to talk about tunnels in wales that he would take us if and jack was up on harrowing if we was you know not if we was too bad again it's a fair tactic i never seen it but this is what these people do though babe so in regards to the satanic ritual abuse it was a case of um him constantly telling us he was loose for doing everything in the name of he probably did believe that though yeah babe because there's people who follow that and obviously with the sra that's what they they they um they practice satanism do you know what i'm saying and i think it was the whole branding thing and then the whole um everything babe like every every bit of darkness that he did um i you know i just remember like there were certain times when he would beat the shit out of me and then another girl in front of each other and then to be like this is in the name of lucifer do you know what i mean and then like just just mad stuff where everything was in the name of evil do you know what i mean he used to be like what's evil backwards sam live what's the devil backwards lived who do you think you're living for like do you know what i mean and just like using all of all of that dark i guess like fear manipulation techniques but using it in in the way there was another sort of a weird thing as well what he did he made me watch the olympics like he was very adamant that i had to watch the 2012 olympics like and obviously like when you look back at that now it is a bit of a ritual there was like a um there was like a witch there and everything it was all a bit weird do you know what i mean but there was just very weird stuff like that that he would go on and he would make sure like and everyone he he ever got close to he would say you know i'm the devil and i own your soul you do as i say and yeah just like using all of them kind of i guess it was just abuse babe really but done in the name of the devil like you know i mean i name it because he's a fucking nutcase that yeah massively just a fucking idiot man like a bad bad bastard like so he'll get his worth yeah babe and i believe he's calm and if you were to do anything that we could sit here and go do you know what i'm just going to get a shotgun and just blow his fucking head off like back again you're no different yeah you're no different for you try to shed light for you to come forward and speak your truth which is a beautiful thing you are a beautiful person a beautiful soul yes you are a little fucked up but we all are no matter if you went through the life you went i know people who live a normal life are still fucked up like there's no um manual to then say that this is how it should be done we'll go through life for a purpose but i don't know what the purpose is some people struggle more than most some people it's just the way it is we're just putting this platform to then try and make changes to better ourselves today and try and help others because a lot of people do struggle and that's the fucking sad thing how are you feeling when you got your sentence are you happy are you thinking you should have got life i i was i was i was it was a bit sweet because obviously like he didn't get found guilty of the rape and stuff and obviously like it's quite hard nowadays to get found guilty of a rape you have to go and swab yourself after you've had something happen to you and any rape victim will tell you survivor sorry will tell you that that isn't the case that's not what you do you know and um most of the time it's your word against theirs which is sad um because you know the the heinous things that he did there um would they get charged with in the end but um so it was for a prostitution forced prostitution financial gain so basically human trafficking um and if it was of like i say it was for me and the minor um and the judge tried the the judge was really good like um he he cautioned the police lady who was um you know because she was like huffing and everything and yawning through that young girls interview like baby it was it was honestly like it was heart-wrenching like heart-wrenching like to hear when that girl was talking and you just you know you can just fucking she was a woman as well and it's like come on man like but anyway the judge was good and he gave him the hardest sentence that he could because there was um obviously like with um the jury like there was one person that said oh we don't think that he's raped um like which is fucking bullshit because usually if it's if they find you guilty of one that's one with the court case when we got the letter it was um they were quite apologetic in the letter and saying we're really sorry because usually if we find him guilty of one thing he gets found guilty of all the rest but i'm just glad we got a conviction babe because the thing of the matter is is that i i tell my story and then there's people out there that are denying that this happens denying that this stuff's real um and i'm just like what like you know there's people like india oxenberg and a kalukas out there they're trying so hard and like they have links to the government and they have links to the Dalai Lama do you know i mean like nixium like and this is what i'm saying like when you do look at cults as well like he might not have been part of the Illuminati but he knew cult processes and like he said that you can look up this stuff like on the internet if you wanted to but it's always a very um it's always a prevalent male character so if you look at um nixium if you look at jim jones if you look at um any of the cults there's usually a prominent male feature and that was him he was the hub that's what he called himself and it's sad because like all of the those are trying to talk and i've i've interviewed india and anika and um sorry not india and i'm not anika yet but india they've had people like who are still sticking up for key for me and key for me is a sick fuck babe like do you know what i mean but you will still get people out there that are dismissing this stuff like she got branded like anika was saying when i come on the interview some i need to talk about satanic ritual abuse and saying why are people dismissing this like do you know i mean you don't have to see the like the kids to get sacrificed these psychos think they're the devil babe like and that's what we need to get across like they're not like me and you like they they're they're fucking sick me there's a part of their brain that isn't right like do you know what i'm saying so when you got the sentence like i was happy because it was a sentence um and i kind of started to find a bit of power then as well um get your strength back yeah and at the time i had found a power um by fighting for human rights because at the time i was working for the biggest human rights organization in the world started to volunteer for like things like women's aid and stuff and um started to go into the schools volunteering and i think that's when i realized i needed to do something because the young girls i seen me and i got scared i seen them the skirts were short like you know the mum's i had a mum message me the other day and she was like it's time i can't find a knee-length skirt for my girl and i'm just like what the fuck like and i um i guess that was um when he got put inside i think i started to heal um but i think i start this has been like a nine-year healing process anyway for me babe because when i met my missus i guess i started to realize what love was and like you say the frequency changed within me and um yeah it was a whole nine years i've got me where i am now but i guess when you got put inside that was when i found my voice i kind of cleared my throat chakra a bit when did you get put in um i'm trying to think what year was i think it was 2012 what year we are now yeah nine ten years yeah yeah so see when you look at your young girls with skirts and makeup and then you look at the muslim wives and the muslim girls who just wear yeah i couldn't have fucking understand it now mate do you know what i mean some beliefs are different but the westernized like the young girls here man like it's fucked up man it's fucked up even the boys now man like it goes both ways like there's a lot of predators out there for young kids young boys man the criminal the criminal um exploitation that's happening now like sexual exploitation happens to boys as well there's like these chem parties now and everything where um young boys are getting taken to these gay parties you know and abuse there um high they drug them and stuff but there's also criminal exploitation babe and you think about knife crimes county lines i'm looking at these young boys and i remember when i was in school my best mate was shouting weed 15 years old i'm walking around with him like this who the fuck selling that boy ounces of drug ounces of weed who is it because i'm telling you if the boy loses the drugs what you're gonna beat the 15 year old up because they will and then this is the thing like the the system isn't giving them like school babe they're teaching in pythagoras fear me mate the same thing my mom's and dad's were learning like the kids that they're longing for opportunity they're longing for like getting out there do you know i mean like let's face it creativity and end of a jelly you want to create use everybody's you look at everybody wear the same clothes as well reason being because you're conditioned to wear the same clothes at school everybody's get the same uniform on so if you wear something different from somebody else i don't feel part of it you think oh the tribal techniques the tribalism and it will dress the same will feel good but so that's why this in the school use the left side which is your memorization your right side of creativity and your individuality so it's to open your mind that sometimes i'll wear something i think that i'll get a slag for that and then you start thinking fuck everybody else cute babe this is and this is what i think that's where i what i did like with my um when i started speaking from my story so when i first started telling my story about five six years ago that's when i realized that i you know i when you got put inside i started saying it and i was i realized that people didn't really know about human trafficking then do you know i mean like we didn't know about epstein we didn't know about nixium no one really knew about stuff and i guess when i started to speak i realized that this was a bit more common than what people thought it was and then i obviously started to look into things and um i just really i guess put wanted to put purpose to my pain babe i i would i would didn't want to live in that horrible place anymore and when i started to do things to serve other people that was when i i guess i i found more love for myself i found a purpose do you know i mean like and i i started stepping into that and i think when we can wake up in purpose is when we can find a reason to live and that's what i found and i was like oh my god and obviously then i was having mara around me see with your partner were you always bisexual was it no yeah i was always i've always just because what you put through a man you've done fuck i'm not going no i've always liked girls bae like even when i was in school do you know i mean like i used to um i just got caught a lesbian in school she was safer as well i don't know babe i think some like it's not even that like because um there's some good guys out there do you know i mean i love you i knew you know there really is and i think um just because there's bad guys like it doesn't mean that they're all tired with the same brush and i think um for me i fall i fell in love with the person like it wasn't that it was a gender it was because of her morals it was because of who she was as a person it was because of her serving of shit and actually her turning out to be a better person do you know i mean i care about what happens to people and who do you turn into and i realized that when i met mara and that's when i started to realize that i was more attracted to her soul like i was more attracted to the fact that she would help the old lady across her own instead of robbing her bag she i mean and i started to realize about i i like people that that want to help you know i mean i like good people like and um she's fit as fuck as well so it literally really was and she's stunning but she it was she was a stunning person babe do you know i mean like everything that she did made me want to be a better person as well and i guess when i had that around me i started to become better and i liked that you know i mean like i wanted i wanted more of that and um when she loved me i realized i must be something special and i liked that and i wanted to keep that forever and every day she still makes me feel like that so i'm just so blessed um but she also supports me like you know i mean like she never judged me like that's the most important thing especially if you're coming babe i was literally like that can absorb so much energy like for somebody to absorb that man that's a strong fucking woman i know babe and if you think about it i was i had a relationship with her through skype i was being pimped out a while she was still with me she was still like even when i stopped um like when i got away from him i was still um i ended up doing this bbc documentary and everything on um on a webcoming i still thought that what i was doing was normal i even went back to brassing because of the five grand coke bill and you know and all of the debt and stuff like that um and i i just went back to that but with mar things started to become like clearer of um my worth like i was like well if i've got a woman like this i don't want to share in it this is hers like this belongs to her i don't want anyone else touching this do you know what i mean and i started to realize woman it why am i doing it for mar i want to do that for myself do you know what i mean and i guess i kind of started to step up um but it really was like my job more than anything babe like when i ended up like working for amnesty international and then you know i started to um just start to realize that i could prevent this from happening and you know started to stop things like child marriage and fgm and i i realized that i had my human rights taken away from me that was when i started to feel powerful because i i realized that once you have this knowledge you can protect yourself and when i had that i was like right i can pass this on to other people um and then i just started to go all in started lobbying the government and everything didn't i and then i started to realize about the corruption in the government and then i was like make this whole world is set up for us to fail like and i just i guess i wanted to use my voice for the good so i started to become a public speaker and then um i got into personal development and i think when i got into personal development was when i started to realize wow like our brains are so powerful and um that was the whole reason what happened to me is because i wasn't in control of my brain so i really started to like delve deep um started to you know look up people like um eric thomas and les brown and then i realized they had come from um they had come from adversity you know um les brown born in an abandoned building labeled the edge of like the dumb twin like do you know i mean um eric thomas um being homeless at 16 and then taking 12 years to get a degree like and not and looking at these people i was like um there was a lady called immaculate looked up and she had um had a family slaughtered in front of her in the hutus and the tutsis and the rewanda genocide and she was teaching about forgiveness and um that was when i realized i had to do all of that stuff babe i had to do all that in the work three while in your brain yeah i'm in a brain to think differently feel differently and it can be done yeah see it all differently and i think it helped because like me and mara did the same thing you know we got on our personal development together um and then she started to um when she started to get into her fitness so did i and um i think like i was saying to you the soil that you're planted in i had replanted myself into some better soil and um you know my mrs is amazing she's a gb athlete and and to be around that kind of drive and that kind of um like strength it made me realize that was all in me and then i stepped up but in my way and that's when i um i started to create diamond drew projects and um my own charities so that i could like what are these projects so for people watching oh diamond you project so it's my charity so what we do is we go into um the youth and the criminal justice sector and we um prevent exploitation and improvement or well-being so anything from teaching the parents about online grooming to the to the teaching the children about um confidence levels and mind management but then um i want to start going into prisons as well to do the exact same thing and um not going to lie baby it's beautiful man like we've been able to work with some councils um i've been now working with the nhs um i'm mentoring my first young person for sheffield council on wednesday um and i guess for me like the fact that i am being seen as as a person that can help like that it really helps me babe like it helps me to heal it helps me to know that i'm helping people and now i dedicate my life really to the same thing you do like just making sure that i can become my best self and also help others to do the same you know like i just want to be that that voice for the voiceless like i know that they listen like everyone who was in that that predicament with me they won't talk and that's okay like no one has to tell their story i just want people to know that they're survivors you know and that's what i've rewired my brain to realize that i'm not a victim i'm a survivor and i think when you think a certain way you act differently as well so now it's it's all systems go babe you know i mean like i'm i'm here for the change mate i'm here for the real the real good good and um not just that like i want to help people to achieve optimal health you know i look into things like superfoods now i um i make sure that i am doing things where i'm looking after my mind you know meditation mindfulness uh grounding um you know i've bloody had nine years of therapy and i just i want people to understand that when um you go through something in life it doesn't define you you know um you can be crushed like a piece of coal or you can be made into the diamond that you are diamonds i've made under pressure i know for you how's the therapy helped with you oh therapy's been the best thing ever babe i couldn't i i really hope that anyone that's listening and if they are in a bad place and they're thinking that therapy's like some pussy thing like they need to realize it's the best thing you can do and i think especially for men as well i mean because men are told not to speak aren't you like you're told like don't cry you know man up and all this but from any kind of perspective male or female therapy because it's coming from someone who's not emotionally attached to you and they can see everything from an outsider's perspective um i was lucky enough to use crisis and women's aid and um it's it's the most healing thing you can do like i i went all the way back to my timeline and i this is how i understood that this adult stem from my childhood do you know i mean and it kind of breaks things down so that you realize that you're not to blame because i think when we can go through bad things in life we can blame ourselves i mean i'm still working on the guilt you know and i i i lived in shame for a long time and i think now i've kind of got out of that because i'm not ashamed to tell my story anymore i didn't i didn't want to tell people about you know certain things that had happened to me but then i was like do you know fuck it like if people want people want to judge me if i work at tesco so fuck it i'm gonna have to say this anyway just so that people know you know fuck the shame fuck the guilt like what's it got what that is not serving me because it's stopping me from from speaking my truth you know and anyone who's been for abuse they're not they don't have to be shameful like what happened to us isn't our fault and i think when i went to therapy that's the biggest thing that i realized that what happened to me wasn't my fault it couldn't they they were gonna do that anyway they're perpetrators and perpetrators it doesn't matter who you are if you're vulnerable you're in the firing line and that made me realize that it wasn't it wasn't personal it was just i was in the wrong place at the wrong time and um that i can accept that i'm not that person anymore and realize about it was just like a guess an unpackaging of realizing why what happened happened and i would say to anyone who has been for any kind of abuse i actually think even if you've not been abused you should have therapy like i feel like it should be a free for all and i feel like it should be more readily available and i think more than ever we should have it for children because if we can stop it before it gets that far you know all anyone wants to do is be listened to babe do you know what i mean like and we all deserve to be listened to like no one's story is any any any worse or not worse than anyone else's like everyone deserves to know that they matter and i think in therapy if you i mean i got a really good therapist i've i've had a few good therapists and one of them was actually um a specialist with cults and sra so she did a lot of the cbt therapy with me and stuff like that and um yeah i even still now babe like i i still i i want to still have therapy now because even still now i struggle you know made this one yeah like and i think i think um talking is a big thing you know and i've got a really tight circle now and my circle we tell each other everything you know we know we know about all of our traumas and all of our things that have happened and and it's it's um an old judgment zone and i think that's what therapy is as well yeah that says you don't want to judge anybody because we're all going through our own fucking misery man like for anybody watching sammy like let's maybe caught up in a abusive relationship maybe not necessarily trafficking but like you say we're all battling some sort of madness what advice would you give for those who are maybe too scared to leave too scared to leave i i uh the only advice i can give is is to know that your worth is is so much more than that and to know that like you don't need to depend on anyone but yourself you hold the power within you to step up and realize that you you are great like do you know i mean like your your greatness is defined by you and i feel like once you can tap into your greatness and your worth you realize everything that isn't there that is kind of congruent with that um but also i want people to know that um you're stronger than what you think because i feel like a lot of people that can't walk away they think they're weak and they think they need to depend on that person like with the whole Stockholm syndrome thing but anyone who has who has has endured any kind of abuse is is is a strong motherfucker do you know i mean like they are we are strong like and i think all they need to know is that they can depend on themselves and what that other person is saying about them is not true and they need to be their biggest cheerleader we need to be our biggest cheerleaders in this world and we need to make sure that the voice in our head is our best friend and then no other motherfucker is going to be able to get in there speaking about this kind of stuff man that the people are weird how do you deal with how do you deal with the trolls oh my god how do you deal with the trolls you just get stronger you become a man you shouldn't become you shouldn't have to become a man but remember whether people talk positive or negative towards me it sends traffic towards my channel i love that people make me money babe that's so true right so there's a guy called michael beckwith and he turned around and he said um he's a personal development guy and he was like all i say now is thank you like he was like if it's good or bad i just say thank you because i'm not emotionally attached to what other people say but it has been i guess it was hard at the start because i got um attacked by a few people who um have been abused themselves you know they've i've had people call me some horrible names like say oh i'm a trafficker and all this i'm just like me are you okay like come on like serious if you knew about human trafficking what sudanese effect was you would know that i would be in prison if that was the case and also like it's just sad because i think most of the people that are trolls are the people that have actually been abused themselves as well and it's kind of like they're taking their shit out on you yeah and i think this is the thing that i've noticed because i talk about a lot of things that i guess people don't want to talk about because i don't follow certain movements and stuff like that um i trigger a lot of people um and and also if i speak about the adult industry jesus you have had a future good men and women on me um and you know i'm i'm here just to expose the truth you know but i guess if people haven't dealt with their darkness and that's because i've only just started speaking recently about these things i guess it's all a bit new to me so i at the start was like fuck you your mother fuck i found your ip address you know i mean and now i'm just like you know what like i know you're damaged so all i want to do is send you healing but obviously like some people say some awful things babe but then i realize their eggs like they're not even like real accounts and shit so i'm like they come then like do you know what like we're all here with stories like and that's the thing like and the worst thing is is that the some of the trolls that i've had have actually been through their own abuse you know and that's when i realized that they were damaged and i realized like the some of the um trolls they were um you know child abuse victims themselves and i i keep saying to people like listen i i know that i was 16 when what happened to me that's why i do this because i'm fully aware there's there's people that are younger than me that that are going through that so like i need to do this do you know what i mean so if people see that as like i'm doing this for any other reason apart from that then that is their perception and i think you know i'm still learning and i'm still growing and i'm still healing so that i'm starting to realize i mean i'm a man so at first i was biting back in like i feel all right but now i'm just like i send you love babe like you know what i mean and i wish you're healing because at the end of the day like my my energy matters and it's like if anyone can control your brain they've won you know and that's what i'm trying to get out of now is people being able to control my emotions control um my mind but i guess when i first started talking because they were attacking my trauma and i'd never spoken about that stuff i was like the fuck are you me but now as time's gone on i mean it's been a year now i've been speaking about this and i think the more that i step up like you say like i i'm go i'm i want i want to go all the way to the top with this as well like i'm not going to shut up for no one like this is this is something that i'm going to take all the way i want to get large change babe do you know what i mean like i want to be on stages around the world like and i want to make sure that i just give people hope to never give up because honestly if i can if i can be successful anyone can like i'm telling you and that is what i want people to understand like it's society that's fucking us up it's Babylonia that's breaking us down like it's not us like the the people want want love they want freedom leave leave us alone do you know what i mean like but like i reckon now hopefully i'm a big believer in the age of aquarius and where we're going in this world right now in the conscious collective and i think that's why a lot of people are kind of waking up to the things we talk about now being controlled by the adult industry being controlled by um you know drugs and and being controlled by a system that doesn't serve us anymore having detrimental thoughts buying a watch because you think that that person needs to make you know you need to yeah like you thought about social media as well oh this is the one i'm concerned by it just now i'm telling i was at the end of the phone i know babe and i think when we do what we do like we have to be honest with ourselves and just be like yo like we have our own issues like i have i still you know i saw that i smoke a bit of weed every now and then to calm me down like and i've had this conversation with you and i'm not even gonna lie babe i had that conversation it was the most one of the most enlightening things that's happened to me recently and i was like do you know what like for me to become my best self like i want to show people and the only way you can show that is like you said by leading by example like that's my thing for you now babe leading by example and that is what i want to do for my kids like that is what i want to do to make sure that i guess my mum and dad were amazing but i don't want them to be brought up in that toxicity and in order to do that is to heal myself you know but you're doing it man you're a working process what you've came from to what you're doing now is unbelievable should be smashing it in shouldn't we babe i'm so proud of you like i know how emotional you can get because it is that shit you're bringing it all that emotion but that's a little healing process as well like yeah we're always constantly learning we're always constantly growing people take inspiration from this and this is what it's all about to sometimes we've got to go through the pain and the darkness to then push through find the light and then we can guide other people out of darkness like sometimes we're the pawns in the game whatever god has put in place for us like the misery god's game though isn't it not their game i just got to be blessed that we can research and educate ourselves but we're still human we still make mistakes i still think i still think i kill that i still think about fucking going tonto man i think we're going nuts and just going fuck this i know i'll get him and i'll get him is that right and then you think fuck that man see easy way out baby let him live out his shit man let him live out his karma like let everyone live out their karma including us because i know that my karma like all of this is happening now for me because of the person that i've become like i should be slicing people's heads off babe like i'm sorry but the only person that gets abuses my mrs and i feel for her sometimes because she's had to go through that process with me but you know she's an amazing person but hell i i ain't fucking going around hurting other people like and i certainly would never i don't even want to hurt steve do you know i've got to a point in my life now like so obviously i've forgiven him but i'm getting to a point now where i want to send him love because that's going to hurt the most babe because he's going to know then that he's never going to win he's never going to win and i'm not there yet no way am i because still i still think like do you know i mean but i have i haven't done them things i haven't acted on them things you know if anything i've just hurt my bloody self by doing destructive habits you know happens man it happens to the best of us but at least you're being aware of it you're taking control of it and the most important thing is you're taking responsibility of it you don't need to live there you don't need to settle there there's brown all set like people's opinion doesn't have to be a reality people can say what they want they can do what they want it's all external it's all outside noise don't mean fuck all you're not gonna harm me i'm doing what i'm doing you're doing you're doing as long as we can learn and grow and do it for the right reasons keep your side of the road clean because every time you level up becomes new ever hate so you ever hate then more people when you think fuck me with that come from then you think okay yeah i'm doing well for myself you don't get that hate unless you're doing well so true and i think that that's what we need to realize as well like it's like as we're stepping up in the game like there's going to be more people but i think real recognize is real so the people that have done the work that like i think personally like it's like 98% good 2% bad so i'm happy with that but i guess we always focus on the 2% because i'm like why don't you love me yeah that's exactly what it is everybody loves but you need to understand everybody's raised differently everybody sees the world differently everybody's different skin colors different religions yeah cultures differently it's just so many it's divide and conquer but as long as you stay true to you you break it all down take all that shit away we're just all beans man we're just all going through a wee journey not know what the fuck's going on do you know what i mean babe would you like to finish up on anything um i just guess i would like to finish on just getting people to understand about seeing themselves in a different light so i just want everyone to know that whoever has been through anything in their lives see yourself as that survivor because when you see yourself as a victim you act like one i want people to know that no matter what they've been through they're a survivor of what they've been through and they've survived for a reason and i think when you can have that mindset you start to step up into your purpose and i think if we had a world full of people in purpose the world would be a better place and i just want people to realize their greatness just like us babe like it's a great place to be you know um and i also want people to realize that they are censoring certain things for a reason you know in regards to the the hashtag save our children so i want to keep that that that narrative continuing we need to stand up for the children we need to save our children and the only way we can do that is by stepping up ourselves thank you very much sorry listen it's been an absolute pleasure i love you guys keep doing what you're doing keep working on yourself and just shoot for the stars god bless you check out more of my podcasts on the right and be sure to like share and comment your thoughts on this week's podcast thank you