 A man cannot miss you if you're always there. Sometimes a guy needs space. Sometimes women need space. Sometimes people need space in relationships. It's, I've heard sometimes women that have posted on some of the stuff that I have where they'll say things like, oh, if you're in a relationship, you never need space. You shouldn't ever have space. Everything shared, everything, ah, you know. However, that can get suffocating to a lot of people and smothering and it can push people away and then they end up needing to take space instead of it being something that's gradual and flowing. And so today I'm gonna be talking about when a guy needs some space, even if he still loves you and he still wants to be with you and whatnot, he may still need some space. And so today I'm gonna be talking about the signs. Hello, my name is Matthew Coast and welcome to Commitment Connection. So today I'm gonna give you five warning signs. There's five of them and they're warning signs that he needs some space in your relationship. And if he doesn't get that space, it can turn into something that's a lot worse. And so we're going to be talking about that right now. All right, so sign number one is that he's already giving himself some space. And so how is he doing this? He might be making excuses. He might be taking longer to return calls and text messages from you. He might be going cold or it might feel like he's kind of pushing you away or like he's kind of distant at the moment. This is a good indication that he needs space right now but he doesn't wanna tell you either because he thinks that maybe you won't really like it. Maybe he has some reason why he thinks that you might not like it. Like you've gotten mad at him before or maybe in a past relationship, somebody's gotten mad at him before or because he feels like he shouldn't need some space but he does. So that's indication number one is that he's giving himself space already. And by the way, if you're with us right now make sure you say hi in the chat. It's cool to see so many women from all over the world watching these live streams and let us know where in the world you're watching this from. All right, so number two is he's less mentally present when he's around you. And so he seems really silent or stressed out all the time. He seems like he's emotionally unavailable. He might be in your presence like he's hanging out around you but when he's around you, he's not really there. He might be spacing out. He might kind of be looking at his phone. He might be doing things that they call them in psychology, they call it soothing. It's things that soothe because he's feeling kind of this pressure mentally or emotionally and he's trying to get some kind of escape. Guys play video games sometimes to do that. They check social media. They just space out. They watch TV, they watch sports. They do kinds of things. They're in your presence but they're not really there with you. And so something could be wrong or maybe he needs some time to process something in his mind and in his heart and so he needs some space. Number three is he stopped chasing and pursuing you. So you start feeling like you need to step up and plan things in order for anything to happen and you need to initiate contact all the time. You need to take him out. You need to plan things. You need to do everything. You're the one that's chasing him instead of him chasing you. He might have lost some of that feeling that he has for you or that fire of desire. I call it the fire of desire, right? He needs that. Sometimes that needs space in order to grow, right? If he has desire, if there's a, if you think about the idea because it's a metaphor, right? You think about a fire. Fire needs space. It needs oxygen. It needs, you can't just throw tons of logs on a fire and expect it to go up really big if it's a small fire, right? If you put a bunch of logs on it and it's a small fire you might smother it. And so you need it to grow. You need to give it space. You need to give it oxygen. You need to give yourself time away from throwing logs on the fire in order for it to grow. And so you don't wanna smother it out and you may want to give him some space if he stopped chasing and pursuing you. Number four is he seems like he's really argumentative or defensive all the time. And so he seems like he's a bit on edge or touchy or just like he's, you know, like if you say something he kind of like freaks out and it wasn't even a big deal, right? It's like there's kind of this thing out there where they talk about socks, right? If somebody is like angry that there's some socks on the ground or whatever it's not really about the socks, right? It's about something else that's going on that they're using here. And so there could be a couple of different things going on. One is something called the law of familiarity which maybe you've heard me talk about this before. The law of familiarity says that the more that you're around something all the time the more familiar you'll become with it and the more that you'll take it for granted. And so people need space from something in order to appreciate it. And so you need to give him some space from you in order to appreciate you. And we do this with anything and everything. Think about a song, for instance. Like let's say you have a favorite song and you listen to it over and over and over again. Maybe you enjoy it, right? You're having a good time listening to the song but if you listen to it over and over and over eventually it's you're just you're not as excited about it anymore. It's not thrilling to you anymore but if you haven't heard that favorite song of yours and all of a sudden you hear it on the radio or a friend of yours plays it or you just hear it all of a sudden it's like, yeah. You know, you're excited about it, you're dancing around. It's great. It's really cool that you're hearing your favorite song. And so you wanna be his favorite song, right? You don't wanna be there all the time constantly in his ear. You want him to be excited about you and about you being around. And so he may also have some challenges that are going on in his mind that he needs time to clear but whatever is going on with him what you wanna do is give him some space and let him come back to you feeling better. If you get what I'm talking about here right now say I get it in the chat. If you don't get what I'm talking about go ahead and ask any questions about this or any questions about your situation or whatever you wanna talk to me about. And I will answer them here in the chat in a little bit. All right, so number five is that he is unusually and bitterly honest. So this is like, it's like he's lashing out at you because he's feeling negative in some way, right? He's like bitterly honest, right? Unusually and bitterly honest about things. And so you want him to have positive associations to you. This is one of the most important things that you can possibly do in a relationship. There was a study that was done by the Relationship Research Institute where they found they did this series of studies on everything that you could possibly imagine and they did it for years, right? And they were checking people's blood and their sweat and their facial expressions and everything and they take these couples and they test everything on them in these relationships and then they would go down the road and they would see when these people would break up and what the commonalities were from all the different things that they tested. And they got to a point where they had the ability to have a 90% accuracy in determining whether a couple was gonna break up or stay together. And there was one major determining factor in whether a couple would break up or stay together. And it was the amount of positive experiences that those two people had together. And so they had to have five times as many positive to negative experiences together in order to stay together. If it went below that, they knew that they would end up breaking up or getting a divorce or whatever their situation was. And so you want to make sure that he's not associating negative experiences with you, negative feelings with you. Because if he's negative, if he's feeling negative and he sees you and he's negative and he sees you and he's negative and he sees you, eventually he's gonna start thinking about you in a negative way. He'll see you and start feeling negative, right? It'll switch around. And so you don't want that to happen. And so if he's getting negative a lot or he's kind of getting angry or any of those kinds of things, you wanna give him some space and then let him come back to you when he's feeling more positive because you want him to associate feeling positive to being around you. And so those were the five. The first one is he's giving. So those are the five, the warning signs that he needs some space in your relationship. Number one is that he's giving himself some space already. Number two is he's less mentally present when you're around. Number three is that he stopped chasing and pursuing you. Number four is he seems argumentative or defensive a lot. And number five, he seems unusually and bitterly honest. And if a guy is doing these kinds of things and you want to make sure that he doesn't lose his interest for you, you wanna make sure that he doesn't end up pulling away and going cold permanently or ghosting on you, what you wanna do is make sure that you get my program, The Forever Woman. It will teach you everything about how to make sure that he doesn't lose interest and he doesn't decide that he wants to pull away completely. You can get it at the foreverwomanformula.com. You can get free access to the whole program. So my suggestion is you go check that out and get the program. It's a really great program. All right, so also if you need any, if you know anybody who needs to hear this message or this video, make sure to share it with your friends. Just to let you know, the majority of people who find us actually find us through referrals and people sharing this content with each other. And so it's really important that you share this stuff if you know anybody that needs some help that's going through a tough situation that doesn't know what to do, share this video with them and let them find out. Yeah, you know, it's funny. I just saw somebody in the chat say giving space forever. There's a lot of women that they're, like when I talk about this thing about giving space and a guy like needing some space, there's a lot of women that'll post on some of my Facebook pages where they're like, he needs some space, I'll give him some space, I'm gonna give him some space for help, block him and delete him. It's like, whoa, you just need a little bit of space. Like just because somebody needs space doesn't mean that they need space forever completely, right? And so just have that in your mind, right? Just remember that it's not always space forever, right? You can give space, right? You want it to be like a heartbeat, you want a relationship to be like a heartbeat where it's like, it moves, it's dynamic. It's not one this fixed thing that goes across the whole time. There's different amounts of space that you need, it's coming together, it's going apart, it's coming together and that's what life is like. That's what relationships are like, that's what everything is like. And so you definitely want to give some space when a guy needs it. And so all right, let's go into the chat and see who has some questions here. So lots of hello's, hi, Jennifer, hi, Adelaide, hi, Tiffany, hi, Inok, hi, Meg, hi, Beolu. There's some interesting names here, I love it. Pthudo, we've got a Pthudo here, Nina. So Nina says, hi, Matthew, how long do you give a man before you can assume he doesn't want to contact you again? Well, it's not that you should assume that he does or doesn't want to contact you again. What you should do is figure out what's acceptable to you, right? A guy might leave and then come back in six months or three months or eight months or something like that. We have women that talk about this all the time, right? Where a guy will disappear or ghost and then he'll come back like eight months later and he's like, hey, what's up? Remember that last conversation we were having? Let's continue off there, right? And it's like, is that really acceptable to you? Is that what you want? Is that the kind of relationship that you want to be in? And so instead of assuming that he doesn't want to contact you again, figure out what works for you, right? If you're in the first kind of dating stages of a relationship where you're first kind of seeing each other, it can be normal to go four to seven days without being in contact with each other necessarily. If you guys have busy schedules, you're both professionals, you're working a lot, you set up a schedule to meet again and then you meet again and it's kind of a long period of time away from each other in terms of like days, right? That can be a normal thing. If you're in a relationship though, it depends. Tell us more about what your situation is and we'll talk more about whether that's normal or not, right? Because it can be normal, it might not be normal. One of the challenges that a lot of women sometimes have when they come to us, when they come to me is they'll be like, well, this guy does this and sometimes it's normal behavior and they're freaking out for no reason and sometimes it's abnormal behavior and you need to know whether he's doing something that's normal or abnormal and whether you're freaking out for no reason or whether you're freaking out for a good reason, right? And so that's more of what you kind of want to look at than how long you can assume that he doesn't want to contact you again. He might want to contact you again in a long years from now. Who knows, but are you still going to be single? Are you going to be sitting around waiting for him? The answer is no and you shouldn't be and you shouldn't be waiting months, you shouldn't be waiting weeks, you shouldn't be waiting any of that period of time for this guy to get it together and start contacting you again. You should want to have some kind of ongoing communication whether it's a couple of days or somewhere around a week, anytime less than that, it should, you shouldn't be going more than a week without a guy contacting you at all. If you're in the date, especially if you're in the dating phase, if you're in the relationship, a relationship situation, the only time that might happen is if he has some kind of crazy thing go on, like sometimes men will have people that pass away in their family or they'll have huge emergencies at work where it just sucks all their time up, but they can still kind of reach out to you and just be like, hey, everything's cool. Just wanted to check in with you and all that kind of stuff. And so, especially with the amount of technology that we have today, you can send somebody a text message in a couple of seconds. It doesn't take a long time. And so, if he's not in contact with you, you need to make sure that he knows what you want. You need to communicate with him what you're looking for, what your standards are, what works for you, what doesn't work for you. That way he knows that you wanna be communicated with more often. I hope that answered your question there, Nina. So, Unanum Suzy from Singapore, Tiffany, lots of people here, hi, hi, hi. Yolunta and Tamara, Marina, Debbie from Montana, lots of people, hello, hello, hello, hello. Meg, Kimberly, there's a lot of people on this live stream right now. Hello, everybody, Bangladesh. It's so cool to see so many people. South Africa, Switzerland. So, Nina's following up with us and she's saying, my man has not contacted me for over two weeks and I'm worried. Yeah, I mean, it's one of those things, right? If you're in a relationship and or you've been seeing each other, you've been dating each other, I don't know what kind of a situation you're in, Nina. But if he doesn't contact you for over two weeks, right, that's a lot of time for him not to contact you. And you can actually reach out to him. It's not a problem for you to reach out to him. As long as you're not the one that's always reaching out to him. And so, if he pulls away for a while and you're like, hey, what happened, you know, what's going on? I have a text message that you can actually send him in the forever woman program. It's a forward text message that gets his attention when he does stuff like that. And a lot of times we actually just had a woman that posted in the community who was talking about how she sent the text message to him and he like came back and apologized for pulling away. And it's one of those things where you don't want to, you don't want to be chasing him. You don't want to be constantly initiating contact and you need to set a standard there. You need to let him know what you want, what you're interested in, what your standards are, what you like, what you don't like, right? Having preferences, that's actually, it's high quality behavior, right? It's high value behavior is having preferences and standards. And so you just, you need to communicate with him and talk to him about what's going on and talk to him about what you want and find out why he, you know, if he's willing to agree to that, right? If he's got things going on, that's fine, right? People have stuff going on, but completely like dropping off a communication totally is a problem. And so if he wants to be in a relationship with you, he needs to make sure that he's stepping up. And I don't know what kind of a situation you're in. Sandra says, hi, Matt, coming from Hot San Antonio. God bless you, you, a great guy, so smart and knowledgeable. Thank you. Thank you. None of those Facebook users says, vice versa in my case, all these things are what I'm doing right now. Yeah, I mean, women need space too. Everybody needs space. Most people need space sometimes. And if you don't need space, then you're like, oh no, we need to be together all the time and around each other all the time. And I wanna hug him all the time. Don't leave me, right? If you're in that kind of situation where you feel like you're constantly needing to be, you know, there's something going on with you, right? It might be that you have some kind of like psychological thing going on with you. It might just be that you need to develop more connection in your life, right? Like what needs are you getting out of being connected with him that you're not getting from the rest of your life and start building and achieving, you can actually get all of your needs met through yourself. You don't even need outside things to do that. You can do it through visualizations. You can do it through different things mentally where you're getting your connection met. And then when you go out and you're around people, instead of it being about, you know, like needing to get this connection with him. If I don't get it from him, there's this huge problem. Instead of it being that, it's like this person brings something to my life instead of me needing to get all of my needs met through this person, right? You shouldn't be getting your happiness through people. You shouldn't be getting your connection through people. You shouldn't be getting your feelings of importance and significance through people. I mean, you can get those through people, but they shouldn't be your main source. You should be your main source for getting those things. I'm actually gonna be building a program here pretty soon about how to make sure you're getting all of your needs met so that when you're coming to a relationship, coming to a dating situation, coming to a man, instead of it being this kind of needy, clingy thing where you need to get your needs met and you feel devastated when you're not, instead it's like you're coming to the relationship giving and you don't need it. And if it enhances your life, that's great. And if it doesn't, you're more in a clear mind so that you can walk away from bad situations. Linda says, need this right now. Thank you, someone who showed he was more keen than I was, persuaded me to meet him after chatting online since February. We had a fantastic time together, but now I'm in the friend zone. Okay, Nottie Jones says, so what do you do when you're married or living together? You're gonna be in each other's faces. Well, you can always still, even when you're married, you can still have time to yourself. You can still have spaces that you go to yourself, right? You can create agreements. And so one agreement that you might wanna have is that you might wanna communicate and talk to each other and just be like, hey, if you need anything, if you need space, if you need connection, if you need love, if you need reassurance, if you need any of these things, like find out what the things are that you guys commonly need. He might need space sometimes. He might need reassurance sometimes. He might need feeling like he's wanted or cared for or he might need intimacy or he might need these different things. You might need those things as well. And what you wanna do is you wanna talk to each other and just communicate with each other, be like, yeah, sometimes I need space and if I ever need space, I'll let you know and I'll tell you and I'd appreciate it if you need some space just to let me know and then I'll give you space, right? I'll just get away from you and you can have some space and some time to yourself. That way you're not smothering each other, you're not whatever and it can just be different rooms in the apartment or house or whatever you live in and you can just do that or you can go somewhere or whatever, right? So it's not that you guys have to be, right? Like you can be married and living together and still give each other space, right? There's plenty of couples who feel alone when they're married because they give, because there's something weird going on and there's anger or there's resentment or something and they're giving each other space, right? Like all the time where they're totally mentally checked out or whatever and so you can give people space, right? In a positive, encouraging way that is actually healing instead of destructive. All right, lots of I gets it, I gets it, I gets it. Natalie says, I get it dealing with this now. I get it, I get it, I get it, I get it. I get it loud and clear, says Karen James. Marina says, how do you know if it's a matter of time and the relationship needs some space or if it's over for good? Well, there's a lot of different things that can determine that, right? There's a lot of, lot of different things that can determine that. Like how much emotional baggage have you guys created already in the relationship? How long is the relationship going on? How much positive interactions are there in the relationship as opposed to negative interactions with each other? So there's a lot of different things that determine this. How open is your communication about things, right? If you're in an actual committed relationship, you can have real dialogue. If you're not in a committed relationship, then the relationship generally speaking is holding on by a thread anyway. And so my suggestion, that's why I talk about committed relationships all the time, that's why I talk about this thing called, that's why I name my company Commitment Connection because it's all about, like when you're in a committed relationship, there's a lot of things that you can get away with and there's a lot of things that you can do because you guys are really committed to it. And if you're not in a committed relationship, if it's just kind of you guys are just exclusive and you're seeing each other, if you both have one foot out the door all the time, if you're in it and he's not in it, if he's in it and you're not in it, right? If you're in any kind of situation where it's not actually committed, then it's one of those things where you shouldn't be putting all of your eggs in one basket. And if you are, it can be devastating when things start going bad, which they probably will because you're not actually committed. And so there's a, it's difficult to know. You'd have to tell me more about your situation and what's going on with you right now for me to tell you about whether I think that's a real legitimate problem or whether there's some space that's needed. So relationships are complicated, right? As once it goes from the dating phase, because the dating phase, there's a lot of things that work that are very, very common and it's very, you know, there's a flow to it and there's a lot of kind of commonalities. Once it gets to a relationship, there's a lot of different dynamics that start happening with friends and family, with lots of history together, with different things that drive things. There's past pains and emotional trauma and there's all kinds of things like that. And so you'd have to talk a lot more about what's going on in your situation for us to kind of dissect it and figure out whether it's a lost cause or whether it's something that that's gonna work. And that determines a lot whether you're in a committed relationship or not. Tina Fontaine says, how do you give space when he works for you or with you and now has just started dating someone else and says you are still his best friend? Okay, so what you need to do, Tina, is stop worrying about giving him space and what you need to start focusing on is giving yourself some space and taking care of your own needs and healing because he's moving on and he's dating someone else and so you need to break that off as much as you can and it can be really difficult. I was in a situation once where I dated somebody and we broke up, she was actually my boss at the time. This is a long time ago, back when I was, I used to be a personal trainer and she was my boss and I saw her, it was a horrible, horrible, horrible breakup. We, it was actually Valentine's Day. It happened on Valentine's Day. I was planning on meeting her at this place and then I was gonna surprise her and take her to this restaurant where we're gonna have the actual dinner and so we met at the restaurant or I went to the restaurant and she was already there or maybe she came in a little bit later or something and she was with another guy and like she didn't even look at me the entire time we're supposed to meet for Valentine's Day there for dinner. And so the guy, she got up and went to the bathroom and I walked over to the guy and I was just like, hey man, like what are you doing here with my girlfriend? You know, like what's going on right now, right? And he was just like, oh my God, I had no idea. And like it was a bad breakup. And so I ended up seeing her every day at work and it was really difficult because it was like I would see her everywhere because she was a gym, right? And so she was like a manager at this gym and she was walking around and I would see her everywhere. And what really worked for me was one, I mean, especially in that situation, you're seeing them all the time it can be really, really painful but having a system to go through, right? Like I was in the men's, I was just starting to get into the men's dating industry at the time. And so I had a bunch of resources available to me for getting over a breakup. And my suggestion is that you get some resources like that, right? There's a whole system of things that you can go through and I'm not gonna say that it's really easy especially when you work with somebody like that but it can help you a lot and it can make it, you go through it a lot faster if you go through a system like that because you need to be taking care of your own needs. You need to be giving yourself some space. You need to be getting over him and moving on with your life and not accepting crumbs and friendship and all that kind of stuff with him if that's not what you want especially if you're having a really difficult time right now. And so if you want to get over him and move on with your life or if you want to get over him so that you can eventually get back together with him or whatever, my suggestion is that you go and check out my program. It's called the Breakup Remedy. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash break up and there's that right there so you can go check that out. That's my suggestion for what you do in that situation. Tina, so I know that can be difficult. I know it can be really difficult. La maya me says, hi Matt finally caught you live. I'm joining from the Netherlands. Well, thank you, hello. I'm actually in Croatia right now. It's the only European country that would let me in is Croatia, so that's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. I'm in this apartment right now. I'm staying in this apartment. It's really weird. There's a lot of weird photos all over the place. Look at these photos on the wall back here. Then there's even weirder photos over here on the walls. There's this Superman guy with a bald head. I don't know, it's weird. Anyway, I don't know about the Netherlands. Made me start thinking about that. Anyway, all right, moving on. What do we got? Doop de doop de doop de doop de doop. So Kami says, what if they run to other females when they need to talk? Well, here's my suggestion is that you have a conversation with him about that, right? Like if you're in a real relationship with the guy, which it sounds like maybe you are in a real relationship with him, then my suggestion is that you have a conversation with him about why he is going to these other women. And if, ask him if there is something that he, why he doesn't feel comfortable coming to you to talk to you about these things and why he would go and talk to other women about it. And just see what he says, see what he has to say about it and just have a real conversation. I'm just gonna assume that you're in a committed relationship because if you're not, it doesn't really matter what he does. But if you are in a committed relationship, then my suggestion is that you have a real conversation with him and talk to him about it and just ask him why he's doing that and talk to him about how it makes you feel when he does that and what you would like if things were perfect in the future. Here's how you have that, like the conversation about what you want was what you say is you say in the future, blah, blah, blah, what I'd like is this, right? Because you're not trying to like shame him for doing that in the past, right? You don't wanna shame him for what he's done. What you wanna do is set a standard, right? Set a boundary, set a desire, show him what your preference is and see what he ends up doing with that. And so just say, hey, in the future, if you have anything like that, you can always come and talk to me and I'd prefer it, I'd prefer that you come and talk to your girlfriend about what's going on with you as opposed to going and talking to some other girl that doesn't, you know, does that seem like it makes sense to you? You know, and just having a real conversation with him about that situation. I hope that answers your question there, Kimmy. Beep, beep, beep, do. Leanne says, hey, Matthew, I finally get to be live and actually be a part of this. This is so cool, oh my gosh, this is so cool. Thank you so much for all your advice, it's working. You're welcome, I'm glad it's working. I'm glad that you're using it. So thanks for being here. So CJ says, what if I need some, I need space, LDR spoke about it to him, but he takes it that I'm not that interested in him any longer or don't want him anymore or thinks I'm interested in someone else when I say I need space. Well, if you just say that you need space, that's typically what someone would think. CJ, so you wanna preface it with something else. Here's my, that's my long distance program here for everyone. So you wanna preference it with something else or preference it with what you want, right? Or what you enjoy, or what you like, right? So if you're like, hey, let's say that you're talking to your guy and you're like, you need some space and you're like, hey, I love these conversations that we have together. I love talking to you. I love connecting with you. I love, you're telling him all these things that you really enjoy, right? You're like, I love us being together. I love this relationship that we have. I love how you step up. I love all these things, right? And then you say, and I need a little bit more space. I just, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed. I'm feeling blah, blah, blah, you know? And then tell him what that means, right? So he's not clueless on it. Just say, hey, you know, could you give me this many days? Could we, you know, cut down our communication to this many times a week or whatever, right? And so you're not going, hey, I need some space. I need to get some time away from you, right? Cause if you're telling, I mean, think about that, right? If a guy comes to you and he's like, hey, I need some space. I need some time away from you. What are you going to think? You're going to be like, oh, he doesn't, he's not interested in me anymore. That's what I would think if you told me that, right? I would assume that that's what you would think if I told you that. And so you want to assume that that's what he's going to think. And so you want to let him know that that's not the case. Let him know that you, you know, depending on what kind of a relationship you're in, just let him know that you really like him or you love him or, you know, you're not going anywhere. You're not seeing anybody else. You just need some more space, right? And so you're communicating what's going on with you. That's step, step, I think that's step number two in the, maybe it's step number one in the leaning back formula is you need to communicate. You have to communicate what's going on with you so that he doesn't think you're cheating. He doesn't think that you've lost interest. He doesn't think that he doesn't need to go crazy, right? And start dating other people and start trying to create jealousy and all these other stupid things that people do when they, you know, want to be gamey with each other. So Thuto says, she says, can you please teach how to develop schedule for meeting if it's long distance relationship because I feel he already has space because it's a long distance relationship. Yeah, I, you know, kind of talking about, you know, by the way, here's my long distance program. If any of you want, there's a whole, I have a whole system on long distance stuff. If you want that, you can go check out commitmentconnection.com forward slash long dash distance dash allure and you can check out that program there. But yeah, I mean, you want to have conversations with them just talk about stuff, you know, depending on whether he's taking too much space or whether he's not taking enough space, you want to just have conversations with him about what he likes, right? What he thinks about things. So one of the ways that you can kind of test the waters with this is you ask him a question about what he thinks about other people who do something that's more extreme than what you want. So let's say that you, he's not contacting you enough, right? And you want him to contact you more often when you are talking to each other, what you might want to say is, hey, what do you think of like those couples that are in long distance relationships that, you know, they like talk every single day and they're like always connected with each other. And what he'll do is he'll probably be like, oh, well, that's way too much. That's way too often, right? And so you're setting a stage, right? You're setting a stage for something and then you're pulling it back. And so what's going to happen is he's going to be like, oh, that's way too often. I think that's crazy, right? And then be like, oh, what do you think? What do you think is a good amount of time for people to be connected with each other, you know, in a long distance relationship? You know, and then you can have a conversation about it where you're like, oh, you know, and you're like, ah, you know, like every other day, every three days, every week, you know, whatever. And you guys can just, you can get a feel for like, because everybody has a blueprint, right? You have a blueprint in your mind and he has a blueprint in his mind about how a relationship should look. And you need to talk about those things so that you don't think that something weird is going on when he thinks everything's normal or the other way around, right? You think everything's normal, but something weird is actually going on. And so if you have these conversations with him about things like that, you can figure out your blueprint because your two blueprints come, right? And your blueprints come and they smack together with each other. And it's like, boom, you know, like, are our blueprints the same? You're trying to, you know, match your blueprints, but one's over here and the other one's like that. And you just have a conversation with him about it and talk to him about it and figure out whether your blueprints are different in what works for you, find out what he likes, tell him what you like, what your standards are, what your preferences are, what you would enjoy and all that kind of stuff. And then you can kind of have, you know, figure it out. And eventually what you can do is you can schedule it or you can talk about it, right? Like, you know, when do we, how often do we want to talk to each other to make sure that we're communicating and everything's good with each other. And, you know, I'm not worried about you. You're not worried about me, all that kind of stuff. So you can check out my program, Long Distance Allure. It's at commitmentconnection.com forward slash long dash distance. Dash allure, check it out. It's a great program. So Adelaide says, if a guy broke up with you and then after a few weeks, texts you again saying and wants to pop in if he's in the area, what does that mean? It means that he misses you and he misses the connection that you guys have, right? Because you break up and what usually happens is, especially if you're the person that breaks up with the other person, there's like this initial feeling of like freedom, right? Where you're like, freedom, I can go and do what I want, right? And then you come back and you're like, you're like, wait a second, all that love and connection that we had, that intimacy, the times that we spent together, I miss that, right? And so what he's gonna do is he's, what he's probably gonna do, and this is why X-Back stuff works so often, is he's gonna come back and test the waters. And he's gonna see if you're gonna start acting weird around him or what he can get away with and what he can't get away with. And so all it means is that he's coming back to test the waters and he's reconnecting with you again. And so depending on whether you want or are interested in him getting back together with you or not, depends on what you should do next. If you're not interested, then what you need to do is cut things off completely. If you want a real relationship, you have to make sure that you don't get into a friend with benefits, hook up casual sex and nothing more type of situation with him. And instead make sure that you're setting your standards, you're setting your boundaries, you're allowing him to chase and pursue you and invest in you and convince you that you guys should be getting back together and not doing it the other way around. And so that's what you wanna make sure that you're doing. I have a program about this, actually it's called Restart Your Relationship. And you can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash restart. You can go get it for $1. You can get that program for $1 so you should go check it out. Commitmentconnection.com forward slash restart. Leanne says, thank you so, thank you, thank you so much for your advice. You definitely know what you're talking about and I appreciate your honesty and there are no words to thank you and how much I have learned. Well, I appreciate that Leanne, I really do. So thank you for being here and I'm glad that my work has helped you in such a great way. It's really, this is, I mean, I love, this is what I do, right? This is all I do. And so I love being in service to people and I love helping people and I'm really grateful that I can help you and I can help other women achieve and get into the relationships that they want, get all the connection and the love that they want. New Zealand. Jennifer says, patience is a great virtue. We all need space to gather our thoughts sometimes if we come from a good place, all will be okay. Come from love and understanding. That's what he needs right now and it's okay. Well said, Jennifer. Well said, you definitely get that. So thank you so much, Jennifer, for saying that in our chat. You are awesome, high five. High five to that awesome, awesomeness you're talking about there. Do, do, do, do, do. Laura says, Matt, how long should you wait for a guy that you're in a relationship with to contact you and if you're the only one who's making all the effort, what should I do? Well, it depends on what kind of a relationship you're in. So a lot of women come to me and they think that they're in a committed relationship and they're not, right? And so if you're in a friend with benefits, hook up kind of situation ship, that's one thing. And if you're in anything other than a committed relationship, that means that you should, he should be pursuing you. He should be pursuing you for the kind of relationship that he wants or that you want. And if he's not doing that, then you should be weeding him out. That's the situation that you wanna be in. You wanna be in a situation where he's trying to convince and prove to you that he's the right guy for you and not in a situation where you're trying to convince and prove that you're the right woman for him. And so if he's not doing anything, what you need to do, if I'm gonna assume that you're not in a committed relationship right now, I'm just gonna assume that. I'd say that's a good reasonable assumption for your situation here, Laura. And so what you should do is you should communicate with him. That's number one, is that you should communicate with him, reach out to him, let him start dialogue with him again and let him know that you've got some things going on in your life and that you're gonna be really busy here in the near future. And what you wanna start doing, if you're the one doing all the work, if you totally cut things off, what will usually happen is the guy will be like, she was doing all the work and now she's not like what just happened. And so it can be better to go like a gradual, like doing less and less and less and less type of thing. And so you wanna communicate with him, what's going on with you, that you're gonna be busy, that you've got other things going on, that you just enrolled yourself in a wonderful underwater basket weaving class or whatever hobbies or interests or whatever you're doing in your free time. And that you're gonna be pretty busy, but that you will have some free time and that he should reach out and let you know when he wants to meet up and hang out and then you guys can match your schedules together. And what's gonna happen is you're gonna slowly stop reaching out more and he's either gonna pick up the ball and start running with it, Laura, or he's not. And if he does, that's great. And if he's not, that means that he's weeding himself out, right? Because what happens a lot of times is women will take the ball, especially with the whole kind of new wave feminism thing that's going on out there where women are like, you know, this masculine person in the world and I've got this great job, which is really great. If you wanna do all that kind of stuff, that's awesome. However, when you do that in a relationship, you take the ball and you run with it and you're like, I'm gonna do this relationship like I do work, I'm gonna make it happen. I'm gonna make him happen. He's gonna get married to me and committed to me and I'm gonna plan everything and do all this stuff. And what ends up happening is when guys experience a woman doing that, even if they're not that interested in you, they will lean back, right? They will let you start doing all this stuff even though they're not all that interested. Why? Because he's getting all his needs met from you and he doesn't have to do anything. And so what you wanna do is stop putting yourself into that situation because you're gonna miss all these red flags. You might not even be in a relationship, right? If you're doing all the work and you're doing everything and everything's happening and you're planning everything and you're initiating contact and you're setting up the dates and you're going out and stuff, you might think that you're in a relationship and he might not, right? So what you wanna make sure that you're doing is pulling back on that and you don't wanna go over 50% of the effort, the communication, the initiation, the investment because if you do what's gonna happen is you'll end up getting attached to him and you'll feel like you're doing everything and he'll start taking you for granted and he might be interested. He might want to do things with you. He might not and you have to figure out one, what kind of a relationship you actually want. Two, you have to find out whether he's actually all that interested in you and there's nothing that shows interest more than investment. And three, you need to communicate that you have other things going on and that you want him to start reaching out and start investing and start doing things even if it's on this gradual slope where he starts communicating, he starts planning things and start raising the bar, right? Raising the standards for the relationship and what he's doing and what his active role is and then start giving him more and more time to do this and do this and do this, right? And if you're not in a committed relationship and here's how you know whether you're in a committed relationship or not, Laura. Have you talked about it? If you haven't talked about it, you can just assume that you are not in a committed relationship. If he has not said things like, I want you, you are, you're enough for me, you're all I want. I don't want to see anybody else other than you. If he hasn't said those kinds of things to you, if he hasn't talked about you guys being in a relationship, you guys aren't in a relationship. That's the fact, right? That is the fact of the matter and so you need to let him step up and initiate and start doing all the things. I actually have an entire program about how to get into a committed relationship if that's the situation that you want to be in. It's at commitment connection slash forward slash devotion and it's called the devotion switch. I wanna make sure I'm calling it the right thing. Yeah, my program is called the devotion switch. You can get it at commitmentconnection.com forward slash devotion and it's my best work, my absolute best work on getting into a committed relationship and we have women that have used this, that have turned friend with benefits situations into committed relationships. So my suggestion is that you go and check that out. Anonymous Facebook user said, he said I was smothering him and he needed space and time. Well, make sure you give him some space and time. If you wanna do that, you want to do that anonymous Facebook user. Ann says, I asked my boyfriend to be friends and he blanked the text then sent a text saying, can he drop off my stuff? I can't face him and cut him off since I'm hurting. Please help. Well, if you told him that you just wanna be friends, then just tell him to leave. Yeah, just tell him to drop your stuff off. And if you wanna get over the breakup, what you need to do is actively pursue getting over a breakup. Some people talk about this whole thing that time heals. Time doesn't heal anything, right? I know women who are in their 60s and 70s who are still caught up on and angry and resentful towards people, friends, family members, all kinds of people from when they were children, right? So time doesn't heal things, right? It can. Time plus doing actual healing work can heal things. And if you're interested in healing very, very quickly, I suggest you go and pick up my breakup program at commitmentconnection.com forward slash breakup. That way you can quickly get over your breakup and move on to living your life again and feeling happy and strong and getting into a great relationship. Lynette says, I love your laugh. Ha ha, thank you for existing. Well, you are welcome. Again, thank my parents for having me exist. Julia says, why are you the only normal man? I'm a normal man. I'm a normal man. I was just talking to my family about that. We're just talking about how unnormal all of the kids in our family are. I have three older brothers, three older brothers. All of them are weird. Including me, I'm a weird person too. It's all right. I'm weird in a good way. I'm weird in a really good way. So two wins says, hi, Matt. What's a way to show high value behavior when he comes back from taking space a couple of days yet doesn't communicate why? So it depends. Again, it depends on the situation that you're in. And you can have a conversation about what's been going on, right? This is a normal conversation that people have. So it doesn't need to be some kind of like secretive, hinty conversation. A lot of women will come and they're like, they're like grabbing the, you know, the microphone, you know, their magnifying glass. And they're like looking for clues, right? They're like, they're like, where's the clues on what's going on with this guy? Right? You don't want to do that. Instead, just have a normal conversation with him. Just ask him questions like a normal person, right? Like, hey, what have you been up to? I haven't heard from you for, what was it? A couple of days, right? Couple of days isn't a big deal, right? That's normal time for people to be away from each other, especially in the dating phase, especially in the relationship phase where you're not in living with each other, right? That's normal time, right? A couple of days is normal time. I had a woman one time from Brazil on one of these live streams. She was like, this guy, he pulls away from me every single day, right? And I was like, what does that, what does that even mean, right? And she's like, oh, well, you know, he disappears in the evening and then he doesn't start talking to me again until the morning and I'm like, you mean to like, he goes to bed, right? Like that's normal behavior, right? Just a couple of days can be normal behavior. And so what you want to do instead of making it kind of this big thing, it's just be like, hey, what have you been up to? You know, I haven't heard, hey, stranger, I haven't heard from you in a couple of days like what have you been up to, right? And so you're having like normal conversation with him when he reaches back out and starts contacting you, you're just like, yeah, what have you been up to? You know, and just, you know, what have you been doing? Oh, nothing, you know, oh, really, you've been nothing, you know, just sitting at home, staring at the wall, you know, just twiddling your thumbs, doing nothing, right? And so, and then what you want to do is not during that conversation, do it some other time, is just start talking about your standards, right? What you like, what you appreciate, things that you enjoy, right? And just telling him and communicating what you want from him and what you like and what you want, you know, the communication to be like between the two of you. And that can be a very, very easy and simple kind of conversation to have and talking about what you want. It's really, it's high value telling people, having preferences, telling people what you want. And, you know, if he pulls away and, you know, and you're like, hey, you know, what were you, what were you doing? And he was like, ah, you know, I don't know. I'm just like, yeah, I want, you know, if you're gonna like, you know, run off like that for a couple of days, you know, I would, it would, it would make me feel really taken care of if you just let me know or just, you know, send me a message and let me know you're doing okay, you know, like in the future, like it would, it would just, it would, you know, it would make me feel really taken care of and, you know, like everything was okay with you and everything's going on, you know, it's fine, right? And, you know, he, he might have been busy with work. He might, there could have been all kinds of different things that were going on. And so you just want to have conversations, right? You want to have normal conversations with people and, you know, don't make it into a big thing. Just have a conversation about it and talk about it and talk about what you'd like, right? What you, you know, what makes you feel good, you know, that kind of thing, right? And that's, that's what you want to do is, is reward and emphasize and create positive associations around behaviors that you want to have. You want to frame behaviors that you want in a positive light. And the more that you do that, the more that he, if he's attracted to you and he wants to be with you and he wants to be in a relationship with you, the more he'll start doing those things. And if he doesn't, if he's not attracted to you and he doesn't want to be in a relationship with you, that's something else that's going on. And you need to figure out what's going on with that and whether, what kind of a situation you're already in, what kind of a relationship you're in, if you're in a relationship at all, and then figure out if that's, you know, what's going on from there. So, okay, so this is, that's it for this video. Thank you everybody for being here. Remember, you can go pick up my program, the forever woman formula, you can get it for free. Go to the foreverwomanformula.com, watch the video there. And you can sign up for the program for free. And if you want to stay a part of our community, you can stay a part of our community there. And there's an option to do that as well. If not, you can get the program for free. I recommend everybody go through it and check it out. It will help you get into a situation where you're loved and seen and cherished by a great guy. So thank you everybody for being here. I'm so honored and blessed to have such an amazing community of awesome women. We have some of the most amazing women in the world as a part of our community. So thank you so much. And I will speak with you again soon and always remember, you are worth it.