 Hello, fans of The Sherm, and Site 42. My name is Dr. Sumerian, and I'm going to go over a listing of certain things that Dr. Bride is simply not allowed to do at the Foundation. Dr. Bride is not allowed to feed anything with peanut butter to Cane Pathos Crow. Telling new researchers that you can tame SCP-682 with a rolled-up newspaper and a tummy rub is right out. No longer allowed to challenge able-to-unwinnable games like Tic-Tac-Toe, it was three weeks before Abel conceded a draw. SCP-018 is not to be taunted. Giving 113 to Diogenes is just plain pointless. Attempting to disprove 343-2343 is a horrible idea. Agents are still studying the resulting paperweight supposedly so heavy that 343 should not be able to lift it. While it is true that no one expects the SCP Inquisition, that is only because there is no such thing. Dr. Bride is not the king of anywhere. Or queen. SCP-963 is not to be used for recreational or procreational purposes. Although it is entirely possible to use SCPs currently under the control of the Foundation to create tentacle monsters, no. Not even if Dr. Palmer asks nicely. There is no market for SCP brand pornography. No, not even in Germany. You should not replace the buckshot in Dr. Klebs shotgun shells with any of the following bird seed, confetti, cake sprinkles, sawdust, or sexual lubricant. Should not replace Dr. Wright's lamp with a novelty lamp shaped like a marital aid. Should not replace Dr. Wright's marital aids with a novelty aid shaped like a lamp. The Better Business Bureau is not the correct agency for dealing with containment failures from horrible eldritch artifacts sold by Marshall, Carter, and Dark. Dr. Bride must never come into contact with anyone under the age of 18 just because it is a learning experience that does not mean anyone needs to come into contact with Dr. Bride. Any request by Dr. Bride to utilize SCP-212 for enhancement or to be denied due to several requests being submitted with the research goal stated as, To stick my privates in it and hope for the best. This includes requests to use it for enhancement of other organs. I don't care how awesome you think it would be, Bride, you are not allowed to have telekinesis. Victims of SCP-217 are not toys. Dr. Bride is not allowed to bargain with personnel for their souls if they are unaware of SCP-158. Don't let Dr. Bride get a sample of SCP-379. Let my laptop be the last victim. Dr. Bride is not allowed to go off his medication and not allowed to pretend he has any medication to be on. Dr. Bride may not use any form of the word accident as an excuse. He may not violate the dress code even on casual Fridays. No matter how many times you say please, Dr. Bride, we won't put any of the hats you've been asking about into the dress code. Nor are you allowed to create and wear hats made using or out of various anomalous objects. We understand that your SCP-894 top hat collection has some tactical value, but that is not a reason to wear them in the presence of other researchers. If an SCP file says to never do something, it's not because we want to control your mind. SCP-437 is not to be handed out as weaponry to unsuspecting new researchers. You're not allowed to send Nigerian-esque spam letters to the Church of the Broken God. You're not allowed to lead a mobile task force against the UIU under any circumstances. In fact, just stay 500 feet away from the mobile task forces at all times. You're not allowed to end reports with lyrics from the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air. You are allowed to end with lyrics from the Safety Dance. The Interpretive Dance Routine, however, is forbidden for the foreseeable future, or at least until you get lessons. Dr. Bride is not allowed anywhere near a Renaissance festival, especially not dressed like a D-Class. SCP-963 is not a joy buzzer. If a mind-controlling SCP is discovered, it is to be turned over to the proper authorities. It is not to be used to advance himself or others in the foundation. Taking said mind-controlling SCP to a strip club, or Vegas, is right out. Dr. Bride is not a superhero of any sort, had a public relations. In charge of orientation for new staff, a Doctor of Psychology, a member of sight command made out of bacon in possession of an IQ over 300, head of SCP review, or member of maintenance staff. Sorry boys, Dr. Bride is a member of sight command now. It's usually best not to ask why. You're thinking that he's not a member of O5 command. There is no ethics committee, and even if there was, does anyone believe Dr. Bride would be on it? Is anything other than a what not to do? Dr. Bride is no longer allowed to make up Jodies for morning calisthenics. Yes, this includes the Mickey Mouse Club song. Dr. Bride is not allowed to apply SCP-963 to any major political figures. You know, after the last time. Dr. Bride is not from an alternate timeline. Dr. Bride cannot issue orders to preserve the timeline, or corrupt the timeline, or to screw with those history nerds. What are you, Rick from Rick and Morty? Jesus. Dr. Bride is not allowed to challenge anyone to a duel, and then give them SCP-572. Dr. Bride is not allowed near SCP-5555-J in any way, or any excuse. Remember what the miniature version did? Dr. Klauff and Dr. Bride are not allowed to interact with the presence of a responsible administrator, and Dr. Kondraki does not count as a responsible administrator. Nor does Agent Strelinkov. Or Dr. Mann. In fact, let's just keep the two of them apart regardless of how responsible the administrator between them is. Chainsaws are not the solution to every question. Nor is more chainsaws, or chainsaw cannons. Except that one time, and yeah, it was pretty awesome. SCP speed dating never happened. Anyone who claims to remember such an event should report to Site Command for administration of Class A amnestics. Dr. Bride is not allowed to use any SCP to alter or affect the outcomes of any reality-based television shows, including, but not limited to, Survivor, Big Brother, Hell's Kitchen, American Idol, or any of the VH1 dating shows. Not even if Dr. Wright asks nicely. SCP-082 is not to be given song requests, especially not like a virgin. Accidentally spilling green gelatin on a dead body in the presence of O5 was funny exactly once, and the smell of excrement exuding from O5-2's khakis kind of spoiled the moment. Dr. Bride is no longer allowed to utter the phrase more than a thousand babies in the presence of any SCP personnel. Dr. Bride, just for the record, nothing in the foundation is rated over 9000! Also, stop posting classified information on 4chan. You can't use SCP-705 for personal gain, or to plant monitoring equipment. And absolutely no giving them tons of extra play-doh just to see what they make. That damn mecca was damned annoying. If it involves doing something wrong, it isn't right. If it involves doing something right, you did it wrong. If Dr. Bride has to ask, it's above his security clearance, and if it's above Bride's security clearance, run! Dr. Bride is not allowed to declare war on any country, thing, or person. Sorry Dr. Clef. Foundation credit cards and expense accounts are not to be used to purchase pornography, not even anomalous pornography. Dr. Bride is not a marital aid and cannot refer to himself as such, especially on official documents. Dr. Bride is not the Lord of Rodley Might, and is hereby banned from playing Dungeons & Dragons to make use of SCPs in order to simulate the real danger. And Dr. Bride is not allowed to go to fan conventions, let alone use them as recruitment drives, and especially not furry conventions. When writing a report, more detail is expected than object class keeter, special containment procedures, data expunged, description data expunged. And inventing new security clearances just so nobody can see what you've written is kind of considered poor form. Showing Monty Python episodes to SCP-239 was not a wise decision. Please never try this with any other reality-warping SCP. For the Emperor is not an acceptable justification for any decision. My evil twin did it is no longer considered a viable excuse, nor is my good twin did it. Especially considering the implications of that. Yes, form trolls are annoying. No, they don't automatically become D-class personnel. Dr. Bride, you're not allowed to send emails with memetic hazards attached, not even when you're replying to spam. The ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny is cool, but it's not grounds to pit more than 15 combative SCPs, including 682 and Able, against each other. Weeding out some of these angsty teens with attitude problems, however, is okay. Any proposal by Dr. Bride, which includes the phrase metric fuckload, is straight out denied. The Foundation motto is secure, contain, protect, not any of the following. Stab, carry, and powerfully. Let's use it on 682. Throw the cheese. That's it. You're on Keter duty. Can we put it in 914? Blood makes the grass grow. Kill, kill, kill. Fuck trees. I climb clouds, motherfucker. Someone is getting stabbed. Although, on some days, it probably should be that. Whose hand is that? If all else fails, poop on it. If all else fails, there's always the sun. We need bigger kittens. Society of creepy perverts. Fuck death, war, famine, and pestilence. We've got cleft, gears, Kentucky, and Bride. Throw D-class at it until it stops. 447 and dead bodies. Two great tastes that taste great together. The FBI are a bunch of pansies. Who wants to see when I can make the president do in public? For the Horde. Science for the science, God. Make sure to wipe your feet on 2558. When in doubt, feed it to 682. Slapstick clowns and puns. Drop the blanket now. Seduction, coitus, and pregnancy. We always need more DACA. Still alive and found the cake. Don't worry, 05 will never figure it out. Will it blend? Commies love us. Snap, crackle, and pop. Sex, cocaine, and pow-wa. You know what? I think I'm going to stop right there. Oh boy, Dr. Bride's been up to some shit. Anyway, if you like it, watch another one of my videos, subscribe to my channel, and definitely subscribe to Site 42. Thanks for watching.