 So here's the thing, men love women who do this or know this and we're gonna get to this in a moment because today we're gonna talk about the five ways a man knows he's with the one and he'll commit to her. Now, really quickly we have to address the elephant in the room and that is today's dating marketplace is an absolute mess. I mean, can we agree it's a mess? Why isn't a mess? Because we are no longer in environments where we're surrounded by single eligible people who are our true contemporaries. And what I mean by true contemporaries, I mean people who are aligned in our same values, our same lifestyles and that sort of thing, particularly for those of us in midlife and I always say midlife is after baby making years and before retirement. And what we're dealing with in this demographic is a significant percentage of divorced people, roughly 75% of people over 45 years ordered our divorce. And that's anecdote on my part, but I think it's pretty accurate to some degree. Well, why is this so critically important because with divorce comes with it, a lot of moving parts, it's known as baggage in many cases but I'm just gonna say it's a lot of different moving parts and sometimes meshing these moving parts together can be rather challenging to say the least. And in particular, because we're no longer in clusters of meeting people in environments face to face on a regular basis, we've resorted to this, we've resorted to our devices. And let me just pull up one such example of a website. I was gonna pull up Bumble for just as an example. By the way, that was just the first person that came on the screen. So we're kind of resorting to this method of meeting people and we're sifting through a lot of needles in the haystack. I think of it like telephone prospecting when someone pulls out a telephone book and there's a phone number to dial and a phone number to dial and a phone number to dial one after another after another hoping that someone will buy from you. That's the way it currently is our marketplace. And what ends up happening is because we have all these divorced people, we have not just divorced people, people that have just ended a relationship or people that are traumatized from their past relationships. They're traumatized from their childhood. Maybe they have abandonment issues. Maybe they have daddy issues. Maybe they have mommy issues. Maybe they have a contentious spouse in their life. Maybe they're going through a contentious divorce right now. Maybe they have children issues. Some men have covert incest with their daughter and what that means is emotional incest where the daughter, and this works with women and boys as well, becomes the significant emotional support person in each other's lives. And this plays havoc in any new potential relationship. So it makes it very difficult to meet up with someone who's even capable of being in a relationship because most people find themselves in situationships, in casual relationships or transactional relationships. Write that down transactional relationships. These are relationships where two people who are takers enter into a relationship from a transactional perspective because they're not doing it from what I encourage is a conscious, intentional, soul-based way of dating. See, people that date from a soul-based way, first off, they're very crystal clear on the type of relationship that works for them. I gotta tell you something. Women come to me all the time for my private coaching and there's a link right here to schedule a discovery call with me or there's a link below. They come to me, Jonathan, I know what I want. I know what I want. I know what I want relationship. And then they go through this proprietary coaching program I created and can you guess what they say every single time afterwards? Oh my God, why didn't they teach me this in school? Why didn't my parents teach me this? Why didn't I learn this before I dated or married the wrong person? First off, having real clarity on who's the right person for you, from a granular level. See, and putting it down on paper is hugely important because do you know that when you write something down you have a nine time greater chance of achieving a goal versus something floating in your head? Okay, then the next important thing is learning how to vet for compatibility based on your particular personality. I can't give you a box of questions to ask. You have to determine before you give your heart to someone you have to determine are they really a fit for your lifestyle, for your values and most importantly, emotional maturity. And that's right. Learning how to vet for emotional maturity is a critically important piece in this puzzle. And this is true for men and this is true for women as well. So I wanna just address something and then I'll get into the five ways a man knows she's the one. And that is, do you have a long-term mating strategy or a short-term mating strategy? See, men typically operate from a short-term mating strategy. They believe most men believe that chemistry equals relationship success and a lot of women believe chemistry equals relationship success and that's a short-term mating strategy. When a man has a long-term mating strategy he's got it in his mind that he wants someone in his life long-term. Number one, he knows clearly that he wants to take care of someone in his life. Like, you have to have that man has to have a mindset. So if he says things like, oh, I just wanna see where it goes. Let's keep it casual. I like to take things slow. Those are all avoidance mechanism from the deeper question of, do I want to take care of someone? Because without that intent, everybody, every male has a short-term mating strategy. They hope that chemistry will equal relationship success. And if you follow my work, you know, from my relationship iceberg, that chemistry is only, by the way, if you've seen this before, I apologize, but this is for those newbies. See, chemistry falls into the category of attraction. That's above the waterline. Below the waterline is shared values, blendable lifestyles, and most importantly, emotional maturity. Because when a man knows he's with the one, it's going to follow the following. Not exactly per se, but it's gonna follow the following first and foremost. He's going to feel good with this person. He genuinely feels good. He feels good physically. He feels good with her emotionally. He feels good with her spiritually. And most importantly, he feels good with her from a playful perspective. Now, I talk to women who constantly reach out to me. They're either in a relationship or their relationship has ended. And they are lamenting. They want the relationship to change. They want the relationship to grow. But when I ask them, do you guys have fun together? No. Are you guys emotionally connected together? No. Are you physically connected together? Not really. And yet you're lamenting over somebody that you're not having the basic needs met from a physical, emotional, or playful, or spiritual perspective. So one, a man knows with these with the one. And ladies, you need to know this. Men love it when you know this stuff. And let me tell you why. Because the right man will appreciate the woman who gets these five things, okay? One is how you feel with each other. Number two, you mutually can resolve conflicts together with ease. You resolve conflicts together with ease. You see, sadly, this is where a lot of friction lies. Most people have terrible communication skills. More importantly, they have terrible conflict resolution skills. If you haven't read the book, Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg, I highly recommend checking this out. This is a great book to learn the skills to communicate more effectively, but more importantly, how to resolve conflicts with a lot less strain in your life. Most relationships fail because of conflicts, whether it's a tiny conflict or a major conflict. And let me tell you something. A man won't commit to a woman if your conflict resolution skills are weak. Now, it might be, he's a control freak. It might be that he's not good at conflict resolution. But then you gotta ask yourself, why is he the one to you? Like, why are, like ladies, when you keep choosing men that are bad for you, thinking if enough magic fairy does came from the sky, it will all change. You guys are literally in la la delusional land. You honestly believe that if you can stick your head in the ground, something will magically change. That doesn't happen. That doesn't happen. That's fairytale thinking. Number three, the two of you have a mutual and shared passion together. You have a mutual and shared passion together. This is so critically important for a healthy, happy relationship. You know, I think of my parents who were married 66 years before my mother passed away. And I will tell you, my mom and dad, you know, I mean, besides raising the children, by the way, younger people, their shared passion is raising children. But guess what? When they become empty nesters, do you know a lot of marriages and after the children are gone because their shared passion was raising the children. They had no other shared passions together. Is shared passion together is critically important. I was just mentioning my mother and father. So a couple of things to their shared passion was they played bridge together with a group of people. Does anyone play bridge anymore? I'm kind of curious about that. I wouldn't even know how to play bridge, but my parents were from that generation. They played bridge with a group of people together. They certainly had a social circle of friends that they connected with together. That was a passion of theirs to host dinner parties. And this number one passion, this activity, this hobby was something my parents did religiously. And every night when my dad came home from work, after he played with me and my brother in the backyard, after we had dinner, and after we cleaned up the kitchen, my mom and dad would go in the backyard and play backgammon together. Oh my God. You would think it was World War III. They played for an hour or two, one to two hours every night for a dollar a game. I mean, the dollar would go back and forth between them. That shared passion, having a shared passion is the glue for a healthy, happy relationship. And something you do habitually, something that's just integrated into your lives is having a shared passion. Ask yourself, if you're currently in a relationship right now, do you two of you really have a shared passion other than how's your day going? Did you have a good day? I hope you have a good day. I gotta tell you something. These days, most people's shared passion is how much text messaging they share with each other. I'm thinking of you. Do you miss me? I miss you. I'm thinking of you. You're on my mind. I think about you. You're oh, so wonderful. But it's a lot of wah, wah, wah, wah, wah, wah. Find that shared passion. A man will commit to a woman where they have a mutual and shared passion together. Number two, number four. They act like a team together. They act like a team with one another. You know, remember I said earlier about younger, the younger generation, those that have young, get married a younger stage and have children. The glue that keeps that together is if there are good marriages that they're a team in that raising of the children. You know, for those of us in midlife, this is very complicated. You might have a fully curated life. He has a fully curated life. And you guys are like this trying to do this, but you're unable to. And you're not doing it as a team with one another. I know a couple in their early 60s, they have grandchildren together. They do the holidays together. They go to visit each other's grandchildren together. They spend time with their children. They travel together. They help each other in their professional life together. They operate as a team with one another. This is a critically important piece of the puzzle before a man will ever commit to someone. And ladies, the reason why you have to know this is because you are the facilitator of all of this. Men are rather clueless. It is your job to be the director of the relationship. But Jonathan, all the coaches tell me to sit back in my feminine energy and let men lead because we live in an environment where men are above us and we need to let them lead and because they're the provider protectors and all I do is just sit down and I make sure that he gets laid every night so he feels good to stay with me. Like listen, if you're listening to that rhetoric out there, that's fine for a bunch of 20-year-olds but that doesn't work for us 40, 50s and 60-year-old folks. You have to be, you are in charge of your relationship, Destiny, don't lead that up to a guy. And lastly, and this is so critically important. Do you truly have, this is number five, do you truly have a shared vision for your life? Do you have a shared vision? See, without a shared vision, your relationship is not, like this is why, do you realize why so many of you find yourself in friends with benefits, situationships, casual relationships? Because you haven't clearly defined the relationship, the commitment and the vision for the relationship. A man will not commit to a woman unless they mutually have a shared vision. That's just, I mean, this is the bottom line. You can all hope for magic fairy dust to change all of this. You can wish for, have wishful thinking, but at the end of the day, you have to understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. And until you learn this, and men, let me just say this, the clients that work with me all tell me the same thing. Jonathan, I've introduced the work that you've shared to me with the men that I'm dating and they love it. They love that you understand, you have a better grasp of the direction of the relationship to a man who genuinely cares about you, genuinely is interested in you and is genuinely, genuinely, I'm tongue tied. You know the word I'm thinking of, genuinely. He wants to take care of somebody. When a man has resigned himself to a lifetime partner, when he's not operating from a short-term mating strategy, he's operating from a long-term mating strategy, he's vetting you to make sure you fit in all these capacities. And when you have an understanding of it, he loves it because it makes his job easier when you're both on the same page. Because when you're on the same page, you have a greater chance of relationship success. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. So just to repeat, he feels good being with you emotionally, physically, playfully, spiritually. Number two, you resolve conflicts for most part effortless with ease, with it's painless. It's not like it's just this arduous task, okay? Number three, you have a shared passion together, hopefully more than one, but preferably at least you have one strong shared passion together. Number four, you act like a team with one another. You're genuinely a partner to one another. You act like teammates. And this begins on the very first date. And I've talked about this incessantly in the past. This begins on the very first date. And last but not least, number five, you have a shared vision together. I hope this is sinking in. If it is, please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel. And if you have something more to say, post a comment below. And if you'd like to connect with me, check out all the links in the description below. Schedule a discovery call with me. Follow me in my group called Midlife Love Mastery. Follow me on Instagram, check out my book. You see my book, What the Heck Is Self Love? Anyway, A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help and Spiritual Work. Check out my book as well. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, give myself a big, gigantic, Jonathan Barrack of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone. A pet, a teddy bear or a pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, you can all use more love in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now. Bye-bye, bye-bye.