 This keeps the narcissist coming back Yes That is what we're gonna be talking about in this live video And just in my hotel room just checked in now in Chenggong Taiwan Just been driving around exploring Unfortunately, it has been raining quite a lot So I haven't been able to see too much recently But if you've looked on my Instagram story, you will see that I have put a few things up Recently if you don't know it's narks by the YouTube on Instagram You can follow me on there and check up my posts, but yes onto the topic of This video today Let's talk about What keeps the narcissist coming back? Because I'm sure a lot of you may have been dealing with this Where it's like They do all of these weird things They manipulate you They abuse you They insult you and put you down They completely devalued you and treat you with contempt But then at the same time, it's like they just can't leave you alone It's like they just keep coming back and you may look at it and wonder What is going on because sometimes they may just flat out discard you And they may go and find new supply And then you give it some time and they're still coming back again And at times they may even go through all these different sources And it's like they never go back to them But they just keep coming back to you and you just can't figure it out. You don't understand Why are you so important? Why do they need you so bad and they will come back with the fake apologies the false epiphanies Acting like now they finally get it. They're going to change They've realized how special important you are And now they want to be serious with you Sometimes they come back and they may even say that they're sorry They finally understand it now. They know what they did wrong and now they're going to change And a lot of you who are trauma bonded you may mistake this for love Or at the very least infatuation Because it may look like they're obsessed with you Like they just can't leave you alone They're constantly blowing up your phone The messaging you all the time They're always on your social media And it's very confusing. It creates cognitive dissonance, these two conflicting beliefs Because on one hand it's like they devalued you, they discarded you They told you you were bad, you were crazy They didn't want anything to do with you And then they're coming back, they're re-idealizing you, they're trying to love bomb you again They're acting like you're so special They may even tell you, I love you, I miss you I can't live without you And it just creates this cognitive dissonance in your mind To where you just don't understand What are they even playing at? What are they even trying to do? And some of you you may get tricked, you may get fooled And to believe in that they do actually care about you And to believe in that they recognize your worth But I don't know those of you If you didn't see my live video I think it was about a couple of weeks ago, I did it in Vietnam Where I spoke about this fact, this truth That in actuality, narcissists They are not even physically attracted to people They do not experience a sexual attraction in the way that we do It may seem like they do When they first target us And we're having sex two, three times a day It may seem that way in the beginning But they're not doing those things because they're attracted to you Or because they're even interested in sex That has nothing to do with it at all They use that for manipulation They use it to control you Or even just to get validation for themselves But they are not experiencing a connection with you Narcissists cannot experience deep connections They lack effective empathy So they are never connected to you They're connected to this image of you Which is whatever they deem to make themselves look good And to make them feel good about themselves And this is why, I mean you've got to think about it How can someone go from seeing you as this perfect person They idealize you and it's like you're everything that they've been looking for And then they go from that to completely devaluing you To just no longer desiring you at all You've just got to think how is that even possible If they were really into you, they were attracted to you They wouldn't be able to go from that to that When all that actually happened is In the beginning they idealized you They saw you as something that could compliment their false image But then after some time They began to get envious of your qualities They made them feel very insecure so they began to compete with you And then they devalued you Because at that point it was like you were out shining them You were making them look bad in front of other people You were out doing them, surpassing them So you were making them feel bad about themselves And as I've said before Even their false image Many people are, many people mistakenly believe That a narcissist's false image is the most important thing to them And this is something that you will find all over YouTube All over psychology today, Quora, all of the websites They all say that yes A narcissist's image, that is the most important thing to them But that is incorrect That isn't valid There is something far more important than that Something that drives this need for them to have the false image in the first place And that is how they feel about themselves If the false image made them feel bad They would just get rid of it They would create a new image And they would abandon everything that aligned or was associated with that image So the most important thing to a narcissist is how they feel about themselves Everything else doesn't matter It's not important It's just a means to get that feeling Whatever makes them feel secure, comfortable Whatever validates the false image That's all they care about But even then the image is not important It all comes down to their feelings Because remember they're very insecure They have low self-worth and self-esteem They have an over-inflated ego They're very egotistical They're very self-centered So it's whatever is going to make them feel good in that moment Which is why at times they idealize you, they love bomb you And then other times they devalue you, they discard you It all revolves around their feelings about themselves And you are not even a participant In their fantasies, their illusions You're not even there You may think that you are sometimes But notice how everything they describe that they like about you And I've especially noticed this in my past experiences with narcissists as well Everything that they say they like about you It's just whatever they think will make them look good Or make them feel good about themselves Whatever presents this false image to the world It's not ever something where it's just the two of you alone And they show a genuine appreciation of your qualities, your abilities, your virtues Something unique about you Something that distinguishes you from other people It is never something like that It's always whatever they deem To be good, to be positive To be attractive, desirable Based on what they've learned from other people Television or movies, celebrities And not only that, but it's just whatever Will improve their status Depending on whether it's trending or popular It just comes back to whatever will make them feel good That is what keeps them coming back And yet a lot of us we are mistaken sometimes We actually believe that they're coming back because they believe that we are special When all it really is, is narcissistic supply That's all they really care about And I'm sure if they could, if they could separate Somehow find a way to separate the narcissistic supply From people who of course At the end of the day they deem to be incompetent and reliable And all of these things If they could somehow find a way to separate the supply from the person I'm pretty sure they would just do that It would be a lot easier for them They wouldn't have to put in so much work But they chased after us because they can't do that Because they need us It may look like they're addicted to us, they're just addicted to their supply That's all they care about And at times we may think that we were special to them And the reality is that it could have been anyone We just happened to be there Some of us are empaths But a lot of times that was just a coincidence We just had weak boundaries We trusted them They don't really care about our empathy so much They can do without that And just look at it with the people that they surround themselves with Narcissists are typically surrounded by other fake people They're never surrounded by a bunch of empaths Or even normal people They're just typically surrounded by other narcissists And that's who they spend most of their time with Because they can do without the empathy As long as they're still getting supply As long as it's someone who will feed into the illusion Even if it is just two grandiose narcissists feeding a fantasy back to each other Even then they will look at it like who needs you Because all you ever did was ruin the fantasy You didn't want to play along You wanted something real And that is why they do typically When they discard the empath That is who they go running off to A grandiose narcissist And then they're posting their pictures all over social media Showing you everything that you're not Showing you that they're having such a great time without you Seems to be a pattern If you notice it, if you Read the comments about other people's experiences When they discard the empath They typically Go after a grandiose narcissist This person who just lures them in and sells them a dream Because in that moment they're very gullible And just think about that If it was really about love Your uniqueness What makes you different Why would they discard you and go chasing This image With someone else, likely another narcissist If that was so important to them They do not connect They are not attracted To you Or anyone else The only thing they are really attracted to Is themselves And if you have A mirror By your bed Or the narcissist did In their home, in their bedroom Remember back When you were intimately involved with them If you look back, you remember If you paid attention What were they doing And they just What were they doing When they were having sex with you They were likely Just looking at themselves in the mirror Rather than being connected Rather than being intimately involved with you Sex with a narcissist is robotic There's no intimacy, there's no connection It just feels empty It just feels like We are these sex objects These sex toys that they use For their own masturbation Because that's really the best That we will ever get from them It's never a connection Some of you may look back and think It felt like a connection It felt real, it felt like real love It felt like they really wanted me, they desired me But in actuality You were just engaged in a shared fantasy I don't know exactly what that is like I've experienced it myself Quite a few times I remember at the beginning of the relationship It felt so real And now I look back and I can see I was just telling myself in my mind I was telling myself, yes, this is real This person can really see me They want me, they're attracted to me And I'm attracted to this real person And we are intimately involved When they were just stringing me along And selling me a dream I was a fool And I couldn't even see what was happening Right in front of my eyes And I know a lot of you can relate to this I know a lot of you know what it's like When you had all of these experiences You've got all of these memories with this person And so many months or years went by And then you look back And you realise that It was all in your imagination It wasn't even real This intimacy, this connection That you thought you had with them It didn't even exist And when you realise that You have to grieve the false character Because the entire time you thought it was real You thought you had something When you had nothing at all You really had nothing If you were dealing with someone who was highly narcissistic They're self-absorbed and they lack empathy And maybe they're grandiose as well They're meditative If you were dealing with someone like that You had nothing Because they had nothing to give There is nothing inside of them There's just no one even there You know when we Reflect, we introspect We look within ourselves, we self-loathe We feel bad about ourselves Sometimes we feel the shame We have something inside of ourselves There's this person of who we are Narcissists do not have that All they have is a void And when they're coming back to you All that's coming back to you is a void An empty vessel A meat suit And that's why we're not around them The life is being sucked out of you Like you're losing touch with your soul Like you don't even know who you are anymore And just think about that Why would you feel that way when you were around a person The reason why is because There's no one there The lights are on But no one is home There's no one in there They can't even see you They can't feel you They don't even really know that you're there All they really see is This trophy, this object That exists to serve them Their narcissistic supply They don't see anything else They just see a reflection Of whatever is going to make them Feel good about themselves And yet you're looking at it like This person, you've had this history with them These memories, these experiences You've just got to cut all of that off Just forget about all of that Because it was never real And I know it's hard to accept it I've had to do it in my own life With several narcissists that I was dealing with I held on to the false character I told myself, no All of these times we went to all of these places Shared all of these feelings All of these moments together We were intimately involved No, it's not true It was a shared fantasy It existed only in your mind And as an empath, your mind, your imagination It is very powerful Empaths are very imaginative and creative So it's very easy for them to trick us They could just play along With whatever they think is going on in our minds But that does not mean that it's real Just look back And think Did you ever even sit down And have a normal conversation with them Were there just all of these highs and lows This emotional roller coaster It was all just superficial It never really went anywhere There was no deep discussion Of your emotions, your feelings There was nothing like that It was all just an illusion And that's what they're coming back for They're only ever coming back for the illusion, the fantasy From whatever they think that they can get from you And most often it's just whatever they think Is going to make them feel better about themselves It has nothing to do with you at all Even when it looks like they're coming back To please you, to satisfy you To make you happy It's just in correlation With what they're assuming Is going to make them feel better about themselves It's not independent of it As it is for us Like if we can make someone else feel good It's completely independent Of whether or not it's going to make us feel good We do things that are completely self-sacrificing And I know many of you can relate to this But as for the narcissist It's just all about What's going to make me feel good right now Forget about everyone else Forget about what they want, how they feel And if they can make you feel good If that's going to make them feel better Then that's fine Whatever will give them control Because sometimes they can't do that They can't just come back And re-idealize you, love bomb you That may threaten their control If you already know what they're about Or if they've abused you for such a long time Or you'll no longer get interested in them That will just impair their control even more So remember it's all about control They have to manage and control you To then Manage these feelings about themselves So that they can feel secure But you know this is definitely the part that Upsets me in a lot of ways Of course I don't want to burst anyone's bubble But then yes in some ways I do Because I want to bring you back to reality It's hard for me as well to get on here And to tell you that This relationship you thought you had These memories, this connection But yes it was all fake It wasn't even real It was all a dream, a lie I mean if it was real, if they really cared about you Where are they now? I mean they come back sometimes They apologize, they say that they're going to change They just give it a few hours Maybe a few days if you're lucky And then they're back to normal They never change Because they never cared They never loved you It was all in your heads And they entertained it They were attuned to it And they played along with it And that's all that you had That's all that it was So now is the time To wake up Now is the time to accept Something like yes it is very painful I know that myself Of course I've been hurt I've been hurt Of course I've been hurt I've been heartbroken I felt like my life Was pulled apart This relationship that I thought I had This love This connection The intimacy I thought it was real I thought someone actually loved me Someone cared about me Someone wanted me to be a part of their lives I thought they wanted to be a part of mine I thought I had that for real And at that time I wanted it more than anything Because in a lot of ways I think I abandoned myself For this dream, this fantasy Believing that someone could give that to me When in fact it just doesn't work that way Relationships, connections, they take time They take work People have to build it together And it needs to be 50-50 It can't just be one person doing all of the work And this is what we need to understand When at times we often project this fantasy onto someone else And they manipulate us, they lie to us, they future fake They tell us yes just wait, just keep doing what I want you to do for me And just give it time And then you will get what you want out of it as well But it never happens They just sell us a dream And we're waiting and waiting Thinking that one day this person is going to change And they're going to give us what we wanted A relationship, a connection Marriage, children, a future All of these things that they don't even have The mental capacity to give that to you There's no one even there There's no person inside of them And it's very important to know this That they do come back Because that is all that is coming back for you And you've just got to think about it As I do Do I really want to take the blue pill And enter the matrix again I mean it can seem fun at times It can seem like it might be something you want to be a part of But it's really nothing more than a dream And then you start to catch on And by the end of it you're left out in the cold It's the most painful part of it But then there's these highs and lows as well This emotional roller coaster Where they just never seem to understand this But we make up excuses for them We justify it We blame ourselves and then they jump on the bandwagon And then we're just trying harder and harder In an effort to please them To try to get them to see our sides To try to get them to see things The way that we see things When that is never going to happen Because as I said there's just no one there They lack empathy And they have a void All they've got is these false characters Sometimes these characters are nice Sometimes they're not Either way These characters are still fake Some situations People stay asleep their entire life You may have seen that yourself You've got a narcissistic parent And you have siblings who enable them Maybe they're narcissistic as well Their entire lives they're just asleep In this dream Validating the illusion They never wake up Because it is very painful I'm sure those of you Who are watching this right now You're listening to me It hurts It hurts your heart You feel it in the pit of your stomach You know, narcissists don't get that That feeling They don't experience any of the sensations that we do You know that excitement, that arousal Looks butterflies When you meet someone new that you like Or maybe that heartbreak, that pain That feeling in your chest Or In your stomach When someone hurts you, they betray you And then it's like you feel that Absence of love They do not experience any of that They know that you do And they reflect it back to you sometimes So that they appear normal But they do not have that They do not experience those emotions And yet for such a long time We thought it was all real It was not real It was a game A means to manipulate and control you And that's who is coming back And I won't lie, it can be fun sometimes There are good times with narcissists But you're just going to know that it isn't real When you have something real with someone It will feel good consistently It's not just a feeling that will go away Everything you have with a narcissist Is just dependent on your belief If you no longer believe in it It no longer affects you Because it isn't real Just open in the window Because I like to see the view outside I think this is Sheng Gong in Taiwan I'm just starting by here just for one night Off to the next place Just travelling around Having a lot of fun Although I will admit that I do miss my Nala I miss her a lot I wish she could be here Just so I could hold her There's just something about a pet There's love, there's attachment We have to them They're like our babies Our children It's like the sentimental value That we have with them And you feel it You feel this connection It's like Even if you go on holiday You leave your pet behind Even though you don't see them Even though that they're not physically there with you That's object constancy Something that we're supposed to develop in childhood Unfortunately again It's something that narcissists don't have When you leave the room When you go out, when you go somewhere Have you noticed how crazy they get? So you can't even leave the house for 10 minutes They're already calling you on the phone They've got to know where you are What you're doing Because in that moment it's like you're gone They experience this abandonment, anxiety They start getting really stressed They feel like they're dying inside And the reason why Is because they lack this object constancy So when you leave the door It's like you're gone Of course we have that Even though we may not be around someone We know it does not mean that we are alone They are still there We still have this connection with them There's still this Energetic transaction And we feel it And it makes us feel good It makes us happy Narcissists don't have that That's why they get obsessed That's why they can never leave us alone And they can't be alone So yeah just remember this If they do come back to whoever you Remember who is coming back Or rather remember the Absence Of what is coming back Because what's coming back Is what's going to take from you And that's all that it is Narcissism is characterised by An absence Rather than a presence It is the absence of Distinguishing features Which is why Whenever you're dealing with them You just feel like something is missing Like something's not right Something's not there And at times it's like you just You don't even know what it is It's just something is missing And it's like something is missing Within you After a certain amount of time Because they've taken that from you They steal your life force to sustain them So just remember that that is What you are bringing back Into your life If you do decide to give them Another chance Anyway we are coming to the end Of this time This live video now But before I finish let me know down below What do you think About this message tonight What are your thoughts And do you have any questions If you have anything that you would like to ask Do it now down below And I will read it out And respond to it Paris Marie says I think the bad energy they sent Towards me returned to them At times yes that can happen It depends on whether you agree with it or not Of course with all of the lies And the gaslighting They can make us believe in things That we never believed in before Like if you look at your beliefs And values at the beginning Of the relationship The very different In the middle of the relationship And at the end And if we believe in it And agree with it Then yes they are Taking our energy away from us But there has to be that Agreeance at some level If you don't agree with it Then they cannot take Your energy I appreciate the kind words there From Sandra Allen And Mr. Perfect John 5 Free spirit thank you For the kind message And Tomson asks How can I get the obsessed knock Of me Yes I'm sure this is a question Many people have Understand that they are Drawn to you Because How they think it will make them Luck to other people If it will improve their False image It's not really that they're Sexually attracted to you Although again That can be a part of their image as well So you might try to do things That make you Attractive or unappealing to the image Things that might threaten their reputation Yes sometimes it can definitely be tempting To want to do that But you have to understand as well When you do that You are Making Conscious changes to yourself And to your identity In order to affect them Or to repel them to push them away And that Will begin to affect you over time So even though yes that can be effective You do need to be very careful with that Because you don't want to change yourself In a negative way So continue being yourself Continue liking what you like And doing what you like to do But know that yes also If you do things that Threaten Their image of reputation That may make them less obsessed with you But then at the same time It may also make them want to punish you But Hazel thank you for the kind words Yes I know a lot of people Watch me every day I do think about it sometimes I would imagine that there are Potentially Tens of thousands of people around the world Who are watching my videos When they wake up first thing in the morning I'm sure when they're having their breakfast When they're getting their kids ready for school But maybe when they're driving in their car Maybe last thing When they're in bed before they go to sleep at night I do think about that sometimes And I'm always sending Positive vibes To whoever is watching my videos I just know that I love you all as well Remember why I do this I do this for you To help you to improve your lives And of course I get a lot of energy back from you as well This is an energetic exchange And yes it is real It exists through Video content as well And as I am the creator And you can feel it in your Energy and emotions After watching a video If it vibes with you it lifts you And of course that energy is coming from somewhere It's coming from the creator The person who Created it, who stars in it That's where the energy is coming from And of course when people watch the video Then that's sending energy to me as well And it's likely helping me to feel good Throughout the day Just knowing that I am helping people And improving people's lives And there's really no better feeling in the world Than that To know that you are making a difference And that's what I promote I promote love, empathy Connection Positivity Anonymous2281K says Narcissus do not own you That's true but they like to think that they do They do see us as their Possessing, possession As something that belongs to them And they treat us in that way as well It's pretty funny though when you think about it Because it's like Okay You've never actually sat down And had a conversation with me You don't even really know who I am But in your mind You think that you possess me That I am your toy This object It's really funny when you think about it like that Because they never do take the time to get to know us They don't even know who we are As this I'm seeing here I think this Airbnb house is haunted Someone's saying in the live chat Do you mean what I am now Or is this You Quite an unusual thing to see there Sandra I'm glad to hear that my videos are empowering And helping you You know we're very lucky to have this technology I know I talk about it all the time How social media Is harmful for people's health But actually Videos like these They are very good for us Just to have this Energetic exchange With YouTube And you can find Something that you won't find in real life Genuine empaths People who actually care about you And they want the best for you You might never have seen that In your friends or family But you can just go on YouTube And it's right there And even I myself Believe it or not But I do have quite a few favourites On YouTube that I like as well And I know I look like an outgoing person But I do spend quite a few hours of my day Watching other YouTubers Often those who talk about narcissism But also others as well So that's another thing that I like to do In my free time I'm not always just going out exploring But even when I do in the car There are certain YouTubers That I like to watch I'm not going to name too many names But I think there are a few That I've mentioned already Of course as many of you probably know Dr. Ramanee is one of my favourites And also the Royal Wii Some that I've subscribed to Even before I made my own channel So I've been watching them now For probably over five years And pretty much every day I am a bit of a YouTube addict I must say Mary Grace I'm actually not that young anymore Now I'm 34 I'm going to be 35 In January But when I started this channel I was only 29 I think So for someone back then When I discovered what narcissism Is all about I think I was definitely quite young To have known about all of this information Because looking at my YouTube analytics It's usually People who are around 35 to 45 But then saying that I do also have some viewers Who are a lot younger than me Maybe as young as 18 Who watch my videos And that's really amazing To see That there are young people Who are aware of this And that may prevent them From getting into their first Narcissistic relationship There are a lot of comments In the live chats I am reading them I can't reply to them all But know that I do appreciate you all Every day I read your comments And I go through my emails as well If you sent me an email recently I'm sorry if I haven't replied yet I do have quite a few emails Every day Every day I'm researching And creating new videos Ready to upload I do travel quite a lot But I also balance it out with the work I've been working very hard now for Over five years Five and a half years First started Research and Narcissism Back in March 2018 So quite some time ago And it's amazing for me Even after all of this time I'm still very passionate about it Every day I'm very excited To read the comments And to write up a new video I just have so much passion With giving, sharing And helping people It's what I really like to do But anyway As you can see it is getting dark It's getting late here Time for me to go out And get something to eat And then I'm going to come back And finish working on my next video But I hope this has been good for you I hope this information has helped I hope that you can understand now Why the narcissist is coming back It's not really anything to do with you It's superficial It's the image It's whatever makes them feel good about themselves It's not independent of them Making you feel good Making you happy It never is So just know that And understand that it was a false character And it's never going to be anything real So just know that And if you enjoy this video You can give it a thumbs up Down below It will help me Let me know your thoughts And the comments Every day As you can share the video And hit the subscribe button To receive notifications For my future videos And if you would like to book a one on one with me You can book it on my website It is NarcSurvivor.co.uk And follow me on Instagram as well It's NarcSurvivor YouTube You can send me a message I will reply And you can also see pictures And videos of my travels on there So again, thank you all for your time And for your support And I will be speaking to you In another video tomorrow