 how to know when the narcissist is gaslighting you. Gaslighting can be defined as a form of psychological manipulation but the narcissist tries to make you doubt your own memory, perception or judgement. Narcissists will use gaslighting to undermine your perception so that they can evade accountability for their actions. They will use gaslighting to distort your reality or to dismiss it as an important. This can make you feel very confused, over a long period of time it can even make you feel like you are going insane as though nothing makes sense anymore. Narcissists use gaslighting to protect their own weak, fragile egos, they use it to keep you in line with their own reality, without any care or concern for how it affects you. The narcissist will tell you that you have no right to feel angry or upset, they will tell you that you are being too sensitive. When they do that, they are telling you that your emotions are invalid, they will judge you for how you feel, which then makes you doubt your own feelings, it makes you wonder if your feelings are valid or if you have any right to feel that way. It takes the focus off the narcissist and makes you question yourself, it's like telling you your heart when you feel cold. You feel as though you are not allowed to trust your own emotions, you are not allowed to trust what your body is telling you. The narcissist would rather you turned against yourself than to question what they are telling you, because when you can no longer trust yourself, that is when you begin to feel like you are going insane, which is why when the narcissist tells you that you have no right to feel that way or that you are being too sensitive, the best thing to do is to not engage with them anymore. You cannot beat the narcissist at their own game, they created it and they have had years of practice. When someone tries to get you to deny your own feelings, it shows that they are willing to emotionally manipulate you, so at that point you should feel no need to continue the conversation, simply agree with them, tell them that maybe you didn't have the right to feel that way, maybe you were being too sensitive, because otherwise they are not going to stop until you agree with them, which is why the best thing to do in these situations is to just let them win, as long as the narcissist feels like their false reality is real, they are not going to attack you, so just let them feel like they are right, it will be better for you, rather than engaging in another never-ending argument that never ends in your favor. Another way that the narcissist will try to gas like you is by using deflection, you might try to question or confront the narcissist on their behavior, but they will always bring up something from the past, something that you may have said or done, whether real or imagined, so rather than talking about something that is relevant to the present moment, you then end up in a discussion about something that might have happened years ago, or something that has nothing to do with the topic that you wanted to discuss, and whenever they used deflection, it's always to something that makes you look bad, so that they can project their fear and so fear guilt or shame onto you, even if you confront them on their deflection, will you try to tell them that they are avoiding the issue? They will tell you that you are avoiding the issue that they brought up, it's just going to continue on and on, if they don't want to talk about something, they're not going to talk about it, they're just going to run you around in circles, until you finally give in, the narcissist will tell you that they never said or did something that they said or did, they will tell you that it never happened, they will tell you that it's all in your head, and most people will begin to question themselves, they will begin to think that maybe they got it wrong, so to reassure yourself, you may look through old messages, emails or photos, until you finally find the evidence that you were looking for, and you may then show the evidence to the narcissist, but narcissists do not like it when you expose them, it may cause a narcissistic injury, or they will use deflection, they will bring up messages or emails, for when you said or did something that they didn't approve of, even if you have a video recording of them doing something, it's not going to make a difference, they're still going to deny it, they're still going to gas like you, or they'll just change the conversation to something else, they will minimise it, or dismiss it as something unimportant, whatever they said or did to you, what you did was worse, or you deserved it, they are never going to see it as though what they did was wrong, they are never going to see it as though they need to change their behaviour, they don't want to change anything about themselves, they just want to change the way in which you see them, it's perception management, you will never get through to the narcissist, they're not even listening to you, they're more focused on deflecting, and shifting the blame on to you, you can send them messages or emails, but nothing is going to work, they will just send it all right back to you, they will tell you every reason why they believe you're wrong, instead of listening to anything that you're saying, they will be more focused in defending themselves against every point you try to make, which is why the best thing to do when you're being gaslighted, is just to end the conversation, thank you for watching, I hope this video has it with you, please like, comment, share and subscribe, click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos, check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurvival.uk where you can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions and join our support forum, if you were like it tonight, my PayPal link is in the video description, coaching inquiries, you can email me at coaching at www.narcsurvival.uk, thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.