 Well, hello and welcome to Understand Men Now. I'm Jonathan Asley of JonathanAsley.com and I'm so excited to be doing this live stream for you today. Our topic, what is it again? The six things women say that make men feel insecure. And number four is a no-no. Please don't ever do this one. Really quickly, if you're brand new to my channel, please hit the subscribe button, hit the bell so you can be notified of new content or new videos, I should say. And if any time during this video, the content does resonate with you, please do me a favor and hit that like button so more people get to see this in the YouTube algorithm. Okay, we're gonna talk about those six things that women say that make men feel insecure. Now, before I get into this live stream or this video, I do wanna say that men do things that men can say terrible things to women. So this is not specific to one gender. I'm simply talking about women say to men because my channel is for women to understand the way men operate. And certainly I want to acknowledge that men say some really stupid things to women. So this goes, stupid wasn't a fair word, but men can certainly say things that can make a woman feel insecure and women can say things that make men feel insecure. But today I wanna talk about what some women say that make men feel insecure. So can we agree on that first and foremost? Thank you. All right, so I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses because I wanna say one thing is that most men are good guys. Most men are good guys. It's just most human beings are bad at interpersonal relationships. Let me repeat that. Most human beings are bad at interpersonal relationships. And just like a woman wants to please a man, most men want to please a woman. In fact, most men want to be a woman's hero when they're in relationship with them. And yet there are things that block human beings from being fully capable of being in a relationship. So I get it. The dating process is frustrating. The relationship process is frustrating. And it's because most human beings really don't know how to effectively communicate their feelings in a way that can be seen, heard and understood. This is one of the reasons why I shoot these videos along with some of my contemporaries who shoot videos. So we can just give you some understanding in human behavior, both male behavior and female behavior. And today we're gonna address the types of things that set men off, that makes them feel less than themselves. When this happens, let me just say this. As I said in the beginning of this, men can say things that can trigger a woman and a woman can say something that can trigger a man. And it is very natural to feel insecure in a relationship. It's very natural to experience something known as a trigger that causes us to feel insecure. This doesn't mean that the person is a bad person. I've heard some women say, well, you know what? A guy that's insecure is not the guy for me. Well, every human being has fears. Every human being has fears. So what I'm about to say isn't singular to men because we human beings all have fears. But there are some things that can trigger a guy and that's what I wanna dive into today. All right, so now I'm gonna put on my trusty glasses. And here's my notes. So I just wrote them out for you. The six things women say that make men feel insecure. So the first one on my list and actually I'm stealing a line from the movie Mr. Mom. Does anyone remember the movie Mr. Mom? There's a scene where Michael Keaton is driving his kids to school and he's driving in backwards. And one of the school teachers or the school moms there says you're doing it wrong, you're doing it wrong. And this is something we men have heard in the relationship realm, especially in the area in the bedroom. I've heard other men share this with me. I've heard women say this to men. I've had it said to me that you're doing it wrong and nothing makes a human being feel less of a man or less of a woman when we're criticized in the bedroom, when we're criticized in the bedroom. Maybe some of you have said it yourself. And I can tell you as a man, like I said, there is nothing more humiliating I should say and shameful when we're told we're not good in the bedroom. And then the worst thing that relates, that is to piggyback on that is when something is related to the performance of our ability to perform. And since my audience is mostly midlife which is after baby making years and before retirement, the vast majority of men in this age and women, they're biologically just aren't what we were in our 20s. I'm sorry to say, I just don't have the flagpole I used to have in my 20s and 30s. I so miss those days. And it's frustrating to me and it's shameful to me that I can't be what I once was. And so God forbid I'm criticized or judged for it or shame for it or humiliated for it. And I'm certainly, you would most likely would feel the same way if a man said something similar to you. This is why it's so important to have good open communication and dialogue when you are in the bedroom and maybe talk about things in advance. So it doesn't have to be right in the heat of the moment that you're told you're doing something wrong. So number one is the phrase, you're doing it wrong. Okay, number two. And I actually, number two is this reminds me of my younger brother. I should have put a picture of him up there. It's got my kids up there and me. My younger brother is, he has a propensity to, but he has this desire to fix things around the house. And sadly though, he's not good at it. So his wife will say something like, well, let's hire someone to fix it. So that's the phrase. Let's hire to someone, I'll hire someone to fix it. Instead of giving him the opportunity to fix it and fail. Here's the thing, ladies. We men, again, in the areas of certain areas of our lives, especially when it comes to fixing things, maybe some men are stubborn, not all. Like me, I hire people. I just hired a guy to hook up my TV because I couldn't figure out all the buttons and things. And when I say buttons and things, I'm just saying, now it's so complex. You need a PhD in electronics to put together a TV. So I hired someone to do it, but that wouldn't be my brother. He would try to do it himself. And there have been times when his wife said, well, let's just hire someone to do it. And that actually kind of humiliates him that says that he's not good enough when someone says that. Now, I'm certainly, there's a benefit for her to doing that. But like I said before, ladies, sometimes we men have to fail to recognize it for ourselves. So I'm just here to say, just be cautious when you're in this type of environment to recognize that most men want to try to do things themselves. Doesn't mean that they're good at it, but we still need to try. Is this making sense? Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Okay, number two. Oh, this is one I've heard a lot. And when a woman says in a tone, don't interrupt me, I'm talking. Don't interrupt me, I'm talking. To me, that's kind of a level of toxic communication when it's coming across as saying, you're bad, you're not good. That's effectively what that says. So I'm a big proponent that if there is communication going on and sometimes people can be myopic, they could be interrupting, not intentionally, rather than shaming someone by saying, don't interrupt me, I'm talking. Simply say, hey, honey, I'd like to finish what I'm sharing. Is that okay with you? That would be a softer kinder way than using toxic communication. And sadly, and I call it toxic communication, but when it's pointing the finger at someone, certainly to a man, that can feel very degrading. And certainly to a woman as well. So I just want you to be mindful of this level of communication that as I wrote in my book, for those that are familiar with my book, what the heck is self love anyway? Is chapter one is speak your truth, just do it kindly, just do it kindly. That's my invitation for everyone. By the way, there's a link below in the description. There's a link for my book and my recommended books and to apply for coaching and my podcasts and that sort of thing. Okay, number four. And remember I said, this is the no-no. Now, what I'm about to share comes from the movie, Don John, Don John. I don't know if any one of you saw this movie. It's with, oh shoot, what's his name? Gordon Levitt, something or other. He's got three names to his name. And then Scarlett Johansson. By the way, I've got my Moscow Mule. It's Friday. I'm going out to meet up with my friends tonight. We don't have to wear masks now, yay. I mean, for those of us who got the shot. Anyway, so I'm hooking up with my friends. So going back to the movie, Don John. Now really quickly, the movie is about a man who has a porn addiction. But at one point in the movie, he's dating Scarlett Johansson. And Scarlett Johansson is basically pushing him around and changing him. I mean, literally from day one, she's starting to change him. And because he put her up on a pedestal, he started to accommodate her. But then he realized that this is a lopsided relationship. All she's doing is trying to change him, trying to change him, trying to change him. And he says, this isn't working for me. And he ends the relationship. A few weeks later, and he does it, or no, excuse me. She catches him, I apologize. She catches him using porn and the relationship ends, I apologize. That's what happened. So a few, another scene or two later, he wants to apologize to her and he meets up with her. And she says the following thing, or roughly the following thing. And this is the phrase, men can't stand. And that phrase is, a real man would do this. A real man would do this. Whenever a man hears something like that, a real man would do this. And what she was implying is a real man will compromise his life for his partner. Ladies, this terminology, a real man, I personally can't stand it. I can't stand it because we are real human beings. Some are men, some are women. But to label someone real is basically saying, you're better than someone else. You're better than someone else. And I'm really not a big proponent. Excuse me, I'm spitting. Of making comparisons about people. Because a relationship is about compromise and I'm not discounting her request to make a compromise. But to add that phrase, a real man would do this, is rather insulting to us men. And I'm just gonna say that, not to the extent that makes us feel insecure, quite frankly, that particular one will just say, I think is insulting. But the tone itself can come across shameful and judging and for someone who has like myself, I have relatively thin skin, that will affect me. That would affect me. So I just wanna invite you to be careful when using the phrase theology, real man, okay? Okay, and that's the no-no one. Okay, number five, this one actually is interesting one because I've heard this myself from women. But I've heard the phrase, my other guy friends listen to me. My other guy friends listen to me. Now using, going back to the idea of using comparisons and then using men as comparisons. Again, when we're judging our partner's behavior and then framing it in such a way to compare them to others, that's actually again, toxic communication. That's very, and what I mean by toxic, I simply mean unkind communication. So I wanna encourage everyone to use their kindness when they're communicate. And certainly when someone is not listening to you, I understand the importance to be seen, heard, and understood. I get that, but I wanna acknowledge that to make that comparison a men are territorial. So that, I mean, that totally can affect our self-esteem as soon as you start bringing up your friends because then we're wondering, are you sleeping with your friends? Do you care about more them than you do myself? So that phraseology, I just wouldn't use comparisons like I said before, real man or my friends. And number six, number six. Oh, okay, before I share the actual one, I wanna share a quick story. Some years back, for those who know me, I was in a significant relationship with a woman who was a marriage and family therapist, she was a doctor. And we did a lot of joint work together and we actually co-authored a program called We Need to Talk, Bringing Up the Touchy Subjects. We Need to Talk, Bring Up the Touchy Subjects. By the way, anyone who joins my private group today will get a copy of it. By the way, there's a link in the description. My group is called Midlife Love Mastery, but I'll give you a copy of this workbook that we put together called We Need to Talk, Bring Up the Touchy Subjects. And she and I were invited to speak in an event. We flew up to San Francisco. We live in Los Angeles to speak at this event. And we were all excited. We created this big workbook, there were gonna be a couple hundred people there. And the night before the event, we went out to dinner. And as we were walking back to the hotel, I took a wrong turn and we walked down, and by the way, a lot of times there's alleyways in between the streets and within San Francisco or even New York. The alleyways are very short. They're only like 20 feet or 30 feet. And we're walking down the alleyway and I realized I kind of made the wrong turn and I got turned around, I got lost. And all of a sudden she's like, let's get directions. Let's get directions. I'm like, no, sweetheart, I've got it. And I felt like I had it, okay? I felt like I had it. And she's like, let's get directions. And she was insistent upon it. Well, I was upset because that's actually affecting my basically saying, you're not good enough. And I simply was just disoriented for a short period of time because I looked at the buildings and didn't recognize, like I could see the skyline. I was like, I knew we needed to walk in that direction. And I literally was only two streets off because we had walked about a mile or so. Anyway, that, well, we ended up, by the way, really quickly to balance out this story. First off, I can't stand, we need to get directions. Men don't like to be told to get directions. Let us, here's the deal, ladies. Let us fail, but let us fail our own way. We'll figure it out ourselves, but we don't like to be told what to do. This reminds us of our mothers telling us what to do. So whenever you say, let's get directions, it's literally bringing us back to childhood, being told what to do. And it basically says, I don't believe you're good enough that you can take care of me. Now, what happened in this particular case is she and I got in a raging fight, a raging fight. And we literally walked back, by the way, we did get to the hotel. We got back and she started packing to get on an airplane to go back home. We got in a raging fight over this. And about 10, 15 minutes went by and I mean, like she's calling the airline and stuff and having a problem, getting, you know, flight or whatnot. And she said, I'd call back. And it occurred to me that it was time to shift the energy. So what I did next was something brand new to my coaching practice that I want to invite everyone to attempt for themselves. I just started to recite what I was most grateful for about her and our relationship. I started to recite five things I was grateful for about our relationship. And as I started to share, I could see the ice melting, this block of ice that she created. You know, and by the way, we were screaming so loud, you could hear us like 20 rooms down the hall at this nice hotel. But as I started to share, the ice started to melt and she was kind of opening up. And then after I said the fifth one, I said, you know what, sweetheart, I invite you to share five things you're most grateful for about me and our relationship. And as she started to share more, the ice kept melting, the ice kept melting and then we could talk about what happened. Now, the cool thing about this story is she didn't leave. We did go to the event and since the topic was we need to talk, bring up the touchy subjects, this was the story we shared for everyone. And we got great applause and it was kind of like divine fate, if you will, because we needed this experience to actually amplify our speaking session, if you will. Because we were on stage for an hour and we got lots of people to sign up to our program. Again, if you wanna get a copy of We Need to Talk, bring it up to touchy subjects, do me a favor, join my group, Midlife Love Mastery and then send me an email after you do, requesting a copy and I'll send it to you as my gift to you. All right, those cover those six things you don't wanna say to a guy that makes him feeling secure. I'm just gonna repeat them really quickly. You're doing it wrong. I'll hire someone to fix that. Don't interrupt me. I'm talking. A real man would do this. My other guy friends listen to me or my other guy friends blank. And lastly, can we just get directions? All right, we're gonna take questions in a moment for those that are on the chat right now. Just as a reminder, if you have a question, write the word question and post a question. Before that though, I do wanna share something with everyone and it's a little bit personal. Folks, one of the reasons why I knock other dating coaches. I wanna be very candid about this because some might think it's not very professional for me to do that. Part of the reason I do this is because dating advice is not about attraction. Let me repeat that. Dating advice is not about attraction because here's the problem when attract, most dating advice is centered around how to build attraction between two human beings. And that's great. It's great to wanna learn how to build attraction but here's the problem with it. If you find yourself attracted to a person that doesn't share your values, that doesn't have a lifestyle that can blend with yours or they're not emotionally mature, you can spend days, weeks, months, or even years investing in the wrong person. And when we do, and by the way, now in the dating realm because of the amount of, because we're no longer meeting people we know, we're no longer meeting people we know or are within our circle of friends. In fact, the vast majority of people are going out on a first date tonight. Most likely met through their devices, met through their devices, okay? They're total strangers to one another. And the problem is we don't know anything about them and we're so habitual, we're taught to focus on attraction and chemistry as the indicator for relationship success. Let me repeat that. Most people have been indoctrinated into that chemistry leads to relationship success and most dating advice is centered around attraction and not understanding human behavior. Let me repeat that, not understanding human behavior. And so what ends up happening is you have a date that doesn't go anywhere. You have another date doesn't go anywhere. You have another date that doesn't go anywhere. You have a relationship that doesn't go anywhere. You have another relationship that doesn't go anywhere. You have another relationship that doesn't go anywhere. And eventually what happens, this wears on our emotional psyche. Let me repeat that. This wears on our emotional psyche. And what I'm here to say is Human interpersonal relationships are fucking complicated. They're ridiculously complicated. And most dating advice is taught in teaching most people to just don't be too serious, don't be too serious, don't be too serious, just have fun, just have a good time. Just be in your famine and energy and have a good time. Ladies, I'm here to promote something different. I'm here to promote to become radically serious. In fact, part of my coaching program now, I've just created a new module within my program called Radical Honesty, Prequalifying Your Prospect. Let me repeat that, prequalifying your prospect. Ladies and gentlemen, as when I was in sales, I used to do sales 25 years ago. No, 30, I guess 25 years ago. One of the things I used to do is prequalify my prospect so I didn't waste time with the wrong person. This is what I teach in my private coaching program, how to prequalify before you actually ever invest significant amount of face-to-face time with potentially the wrong person. And this simply means learning who's truly compatible with you, how to ask the right questions, and then lastly, vetting for emotional maturity. And I'm here to say this, we need to get serious. It's so important to actually be intentional because the emotional wear and tear on habitual dating and habitual endings and endings and endings is causing a lot of angst in everybody. This is why I wanna introduce a new book to everyone. Those who follow me know I've talked about books. I want you to check out this book called Self-Compassion, Self-Compassion. And the subtitle is the proven power of being kind to yourself because here's the thing, ladies and gentlemen, compassion for oneself is critically important because the dating process is ridiculously dysfunctional and anyone who blows smoke up your ass like a lot of my contemporaries do, giving you hope. I'm here to say it's more important to understand your own individual human behavior, especially in the area of childhood wounds and traumas that cause negative patterns and limiting beliefs in your life or adult traumas. And if you're not healing them or if you're choosing people that aren't healing their own stuff, this is why interpersonal relationships or romantic relationships are rather dysfunctional. In fact, I would venture to say 80% of people in relationships have dysfunctional relationships. So what's happening is those 20% that maybe have good relationships are hyper glorified but it doesn't necessarily take into account the dysfunctionality within most human beings. And this is why I'm such a big proponent of doing the work and it's why I recommend so many different books in my videos. Like the book, The Hoffman Process, which is a process of healing your childhood wounds and traumas. All right, I think you've got enough of it. By the way, another great book, Codependent No More. We'll talk about that in a second. All right, I think it's time to take questions. By the way, if you wanna use a super sticker, a super chat, there's a dollar sign below. All of the money that goes to that is now setting up my foundation for Connor. Connor's my son right there. And right there, he's the one who passed away. Many people have asked me about why I bring him up so much because he's my child who passed away a few years ago. I'm starting a foundation. And my goal is to create a scholarship fund so people can hire me as a coach who are struggling financially. That's gonna be my eventual goal right now with the foundation. So any of the super chat money and super stick money goes that and that's where you can write a question as well. All right, let's go through the board and let's see who's asked some questions. First off, I wanna thank Leif and Terry and Michael and Doug for being on and Kelly and Julie and Jennifer from Ruby and Leif. So let's find a good question. Someone says, it's even toxic even when parents do that. Yes, parents that do that can be very toxic as well. All right, Michael writes, God bless all women and men because we're all one. Love is only winning. Yes, I agree. Love is only winning. By the way, is that your real six pack abs, Michael? Okay, Doug says, I've got thin skin too. To be honest, low functioning communication like don't interrupt me. I'm talking or real men would not go over well with me. I need more high functioning style. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, it's more important to learn effective communication in interpersonal relationships. This is one of the reasons why I highly recommend reading this book called Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. Nonviolent Communication by Marshall Rosenberg. This is a what it should have been, by the way, it should have been titled Compassionate Communication. Compassionate Communication. Why I'm so high on this book is it teaches a healthier way to communicate with one another. By the way, I basically recommend on average five to six to seven books per episode. But, and I do believe with roughly about the 10 books in my library, the 10 books in my library, the ones I share on a regular basis. By the way, there's a link to Jonathan recommend books are the books that will change your life. And what I mean to say is if you do the work in the books, you'll begin to start changing. I started working with a client back in October and we just had a coaching session right before this. And she was telling me how much her life has changed and now how she's so excited and ready for the dating process. We had to work on her stuff first to get her prepared. And much of the work I invite everyone to do is to prepare themselves so they can be in a juicy, delicious, healthy relationship. And that's why I'm grateful for men like Doug because these are high value men, high quality guys. Now, I said earlier, I don't like judging and I simply mean these are individuals that are doing the work. That to me is the value. People that are doing the inner work to me are the ones that I want to invest in and that's my invitation for everyone as well. And I will say there was a little bit of judgment in that so I'd like to backtrack a little bit but hopefully you can read between the lines there. Doug, I'm with you, those bug me as well. All right, let's see what else we have here. Michelle writes, everyone holds insecurities. We're only human. I got taught that it's better to build someone's confidence rather than to break it into a million pieces. We're all human, spread love, not hate. Yes, yes, yes. I love that. And what I want to say this, there's an old saying. Praise in public and criticize in private. Let me repeat that. Praise in public, criticize in private. Sadly today, we are living in an environment where we shame, crucify and criticize people habitually through social media. I'm gonna repeat that. Shame and criticizing habitually, it's toxic out there. And it is creating literally a civil war amongst human beings. I mean, we're literally creating a divide by all the toxicity. And like John Lennon said, the true answer in all this is we need love. And that's why I really appreciate what Michelle just said here, because that's what we need more of. And we can pass it forward through compassion for ourselves, compassion for others, compassion for humanity, because most human beings are good people. We've all got our shit. We've all got our stuff. Some have more than others. And I promise you, the people that you dislike the most, you wouldn't trade their childhood. I promise you, the people you dislike most, if you found out what their childhood was like, I highly doubt you would trade your life for them. So just remember that. And maybe with that thought, we can have compassion rather than judgment. Thank you, Michelle. I really appreciate that. All right, let's see what else we have here. Let's see what Dallas says. I've done this, taking a step back and breathing, looking at the overall picture and the person you're fighting with, not with what you're fighting about, makes you tap into your heart, again, versus emotions. Yes, yes, yes. We have to take away, look at the big picture. Oftentimes we get so hyper-focused on pointing the finger at the person, instead of looking at the three fingers that maybe I'm the cause of this. Maybe I'm the cause of this. This is why I'm such a big proponent of doing the inner work, reading the books that I recommend. I recommended the Hoffman process a moment ago. I recommend this book attached by Amir Levine. We'll probably bring it up against in this video. Understanding love attachment style. So, Dallas, thank you so much. I totally agree. Tap into your heart. All right, let's see who we got here. Kelly, you got a super sticker. Did you write anything? Well, sweetheart, thank you for the super sticker. I really appreciate that. All right, let's see what else we have in the way of questions. If you have a question, write the word question and then post the question there after. We've got a lot of people chatting here. Here's miscellaneous, miss, the miscellaneous miss. Question, what if a guy is scared sharing his feelings and not really getting serious and is talking to other people? So, when I hear questions like this, my question for you, the mischievous, miscellaneous miss, is what about you? How do you feel about this? Because this isn't really about him, this is about you. So my invitation for you to check in is how do you feel? Because if someone's scared of sharing their feelings and they are not really serious about and they're talking to other people, why do you wanna invest in that person? Listen, folks, I wanna clear the air on something. I'm a big believer of dating only one person at a time. I've got a sneeze in a second. Dating one person at a time. Now, I'm a big proponent of pre-qualifying as many prospects at the same time. So let's differentiate between dating, meeting and pre-qualifying, okay? Pre-qualifying your prospect basically means is after you've swiped on one another, I'm a big proponent of asking deeper questions before you ever meet. Let me repeat that, asking deeper questions before you ever meet because you might save yourself the time of getting dressed up, driving somewhere, sitting, then finding out there's no chemistry and then being stuck, and then or having chemistry only to find out they're not compatible with you. So first I wanna say, I believe in pre-qualifying as many prospects as you have. Now, as far as meeting someone for the first time, to the extent that your schedule can fit, meet people at your leisure according to your schedule. The first date is not a date, it's simply a meeting. You're meeting oftentimes for the first time. If it is not somebody you knew prior to the scheduling of this date or this meeting. So now if you go on a, now you meet this person again and that's your real first date, that's your real first date. Now, if you decide to see each other again and again and again, that's called dating. Remember the ING, there's a date and then there's dating. I'm a big proponent of dating only one person at a time. If someone is dating you and they feel the need to date others, you know what I say, bye-bye, bye-bye, go your other, go because if you're not gonna invest in getting to know me, why should I invest in getting to know you? Now, remember I said earlier, we can do this process. Hey, let's just have a good time. It's all about having a good time. Don't be too serious, Jonathan, just have a good time. Ladies, I'm here to say, stop having a good time. Start being intentional, start being serious because you don't have enough time to go out with knuckleheads, knuckleheads and knuckleheads. And by the way, we don't have time to go out with lazy, gold digging, whatever you wanna call, women that aren't very serious, okay? You can, whatever label you wanna put on that, okay? So I'm here to say become more intentional. So going back to your question, I wouldn't invest in someone who isn't going to invest in me. That's the way I operate, and that's my invitation for you as well. I hope that helped the miscellaneous miss. Thank you for your question, I really appreciate it. All right, let's see what else we have. Leaf says, I prefer your straight up candidness much more, Jonathan, saves time, resources and energy. We're already older and can't afford to lose many more those years, or you didn't say years. Thank you for being unique and authentic. Thank you so much, Leaf. I really appreciate that. All right, Dallas is learning how the psychology works in a certain situation and between certain types of individuals cracks the code of success. Yes, yes, yes, ladies and gentlemen, if you wanna read a great book, read this book called, It's the Buddha Dated. If the Buddha dated, oh my God, this gets down to the heart centered way of truly getting to know another human being. Let me repeat this. This gets to the heart centered way of getting to know another human being. And I highly, highly, highly recommend this book, along with going back to the four agreements. Oh my God, this is a great book to have for yourself to show up with integrity so your actions match your words. Be impeccable with your word. Don't let other people's opinions of you affect you. Don't make projections of other people. And lastly, do your best. This is a great book for character, for your integrity, and choose people who operate from this same space as well. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Thank you. All right, time for a Moscow Mule. Julia says, guys are invested when they share their feelings. Now, great question, but ladies, I wanna differentiate something. A lot of men are attracted to femininity. Let me repeat that. A lot of men are attracted to femininity. Why? Because men feel safer to share their problems with a woman. Let me repeat that. Men feel safer to share their problems with a woman than their other male friends because they don't wanna be perceived weak. So a lot of times, men will, they connect with you on a site, they start communicating with you and they start sharing their problems, okay? And you're thinking, wow, he's into me. He's sharing his feelings, okay? Sharing one's emotional problems. Let me reframe that. Problems, and I'm talking about emotional problems. It might be divorce, it might be work. His feelings centered around problems, okay? That might end up appearing to be very intoxicating to many of you. And you wonder, wow, he must be really into me. But some men do this because they appreciate your femininity. In other words, they appreciate female, the female species to talk to. Ooh, I almost said a real man. Oh, fuck, I can't believe I was going down that road. See, I just was toxic right now. What I meant to say, a man who is truly emotionally available, that would be a better way of putting it, I just got myself. A man is truly emotionally available, doesn't share his problems. He actually is capable of sharing his fears, his fears. Because when a man can share his fears, that is true intimacy, true intimacy. What does intimacy mean? Into me, you see. Into me, see. Into me, see. Into me, you see, okay? Intimacy. Intimacy happens when we're sharing our fears and not necessarily our problems. And this is where a lot of women get hung up because men are sharing their problems, problems, problems, not their fears. And they think, and this is music to women's ears because they think it's intimacy, but it's just simply venting. And why do men vent to women? Because a lot of times we can't vent to our male friends because we don't feel safe with them because we don't wanna be perceived as weak to our male friends. Does this make sense? And this is why a lot of women get sucked in the trap of a guy who's sharing his problems and he's not emotional problems, but he's not truly creating intimacy with you. He just wants someone to vent to or complain to. So anyways, guys are invested when they're sharing, I believe they're insecurities, not necessarily their problems. That's my perception on that, Julia. Thank you so much for that question. I really appreciate it. All right, see what else we have. Lillian says, see when I'm on the road and the driver doesn't know for sure where he's going, it triggers my fear of being lost in a bad neighborhood. So I'm in that scenario. I'll do anything to get back on track. Lillian, thank you so much. So what I didn't share in that story, what I learned later was my partner was feeling exactly what she said. She was feeling fear. So her fear caused her to criticize or judge or shame me, which I understand why. And my bravado or my desire to be her hero was butting up against my own ability to say, look, I want you to trust that I can take care of you. So we were actually at friction point. Now, Lillian brings up a great point. I later recognized when we were able to drop the walls of ice, she was able to share what was coming up for her and I was able to share what was coming up for me. That is true communication and dialogue, but what we needed to do was drop the ice. And when she said that, it walled me up and she was feeling fear that walled her up. Now I had to use the gratitude technique that I taught you to bring that ice down to a place where we could speak and she did share her feelings. So Lillian, I do understand exactly how you felt because she shared that with me and I'm glad you brought that up. So I hope that helps you understand what was actually going on a little bit deep. I hope everybody understands the deeper thing that was going on in that scenario. So thank you so much. All right, Gentle Soul writes, what would be good examples of non-blendable lifestyles? Does it necessarily have to do with how much we earn? We both do office jobs. He paid more than I do, probably three times more. Okay, great, great, great question. Thank you, Gentle Soul. So blendable lifestyles, okay. Okay, money is simply a tool. Money is a tool. And certainly two incomes are better than one. So eventually in a relationship, the person who has the most should certainly support the relationship the most. That's kind of my general rule of thumb. So with regard to lifestyle, money is not the real crux of what I talk about blendable lifestyles. I'm talking about this. I live in Los Angeles. You live in San Diego. I'm just picking an example of a long distance relationship. You have a job where you're well-rooted. You have family that's well-rooted. I have a job here. I've got family I'm well-rooted. But we connect on the internet because we are attracted to one another and we're driven by chemistry. So we start a relationship. And you have your yoga on the week, weekdays and you have this and you have your friends and I've got this or that. But we're amped up on chemistry. So we try to make it work. But eventually it's gonna be a challenge if our lifestyles can't blend with one another because the relationship will end. So ultimately blendable lifestyles has to do with proximity. It has to do with your, are you a action oriented person or are you a home body? As an example, if you're different that's another example of lifestyle. What's your schedule like? Are you raising three children and you're busy 24 seven or are you an empty nester? Someone who's an empty nester is gonna have a real problem with someone who's raising children because that's gonna eat up on the time of spending time together. These are just a few examples of some of the challenges of blending lives. And that doesn't include whether or not one person goes to the church and the other person isn't the church person to name or maybe they have different political views or some other stuff. Well, that's really more about values. But these are just a few examples of lifestyle. You know, someone who is a, you know, a snow skier and a jock. I've met women who are total jocks and I'm not a jock. And I'm like, I'm not the right person for you because you need to jock in your life because that's your lifestyle. So gentle soul, it's not so much about the money. It's about how your life is organized. And that's, I think might help you understand the concept of blendable lifestyles, okay? All right, what else do we have here? Here we go, Frida. Question, can guys and girls be friends? I thought so, but now I'm not so sure. I have guy friends and swear it is not possible. Yes, sex always gets mentioned. Okay, I would say it's very challenging for two emotionally immature people to be, you know, guy and girl to be friends with one another. And what I mean by emotionally immature is you don't operate from the four agreements, okay? When a relationship ends, and it is no longer a relationship where there's emotional and sexual intimacy together, then it's really important to set a boundary. But many people don't know how to set a boundary because they're still feeding off of maybe emotional intimacy or they have a sexual desire for their partner. I'm gonna repeat that. They're feeding off of the emotional intimacy or they have sexual desire for their partner. If one person has sexual desire for the other person, then they're always gonna have an agenda any time they communicate. Now, for example, I have an ex-wife, who I don't call as friends, but we communicate on a regular basis with one another. And sometimes very personal communication, mostly centered around our son who passed away. And I have an ex-girlfriend, I don't like saying ex-girlfriend, but I had a relationship that didn't go the distance. It ended four years ago. And we are still in each other's lives as friends. Now, one of the things, and we really call each other family, but what we really do for one another, we agreed that we would no longer talk about emotional things related to either our dating life or our relationships. I'm gonna repeat that. In agreement, not to talk about emotional things related to either dating or relationships because that could fuel something called emotional sex. Emotional sex. In fact, the person I'm speaking about, my ex-girlfriend wrote a book, here's a picture of her, okay? She wrote a book called Chatting or Cheating. How to detect infidelity, rebuild love and a fair proof your relationship. Chatting or cheating. One of the highlights of the idea of this book is something known as emotional sex. And the hard part for emotionally weak human beings is they can get sucked into what's known as emotional sex. And that can oftentimes lead to physical intimacy. So while I believe it's absolutely possible to have a relationship with an ex-partner, what it requires is something known as a conscious uncoupling, a conscious uncoupling. And if you're not familiar with the book, conscious uncoupling by Catherine Woodward-Thomas, conscious uncoupling, I'm gonna shrink this. Thank you, Freda. Conscious uncoupling by Catherine Woodward-Thomas. This is a great book to teach you how to end a relationship in a healthy, happy way. In fact, the ex-girlfriend and I, this book, we're on page 220 and 221 because we did a conscious uncoupling and the author asked to use our story in her book. And I'm a big proponent that when you do a conscious uncoupling, you can actually, you know, the thing is the love, what's the line from sex in the city? If you love someone in breakup, where does the love go? I love, it's something along that lines. Can someone find that quote for me? I think it's something like that. But the love doesn't have to go anywhere. You can still maintain the love and not be in relationship with another human being. You can maintain the love and not be in relationship with human being. Understand something, folks. A healthy, happy relationship has mechanics to it. And this is why I highly recommend reading the book, Eight Dates by Dr. John and Julie Gottman so you can understand the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship. She and I were missing some key fundamental pieces. We had a lot of love, but here's the thing about love. Love can't make a relationship work. Shared values, blendable lifestyles, and emotional maturity is what makes a relationship work. You have to learn the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship because love in and of itself, you can keep the love, but it doesn't mean you're right for one another. And before the penis ever goes inside the vagina, ladies, buy this book. Buy this book so you can learn the mechanics to a healthy, happy relationship and buy it, copy for the guy. This book is meant to be read with a guy. And I gotta tell you, I'm getting email after email from women saying, Jonathan, I'm using your advice. I bought this book and the relationship the guy I'm with were having better communication with one another because we're talking about real things instead of just having a good time, let's have a good time. I'm just gonna sit in my feminine energy and have a good time. This book ruined it for people. The book The Rules, this stupid reverse psychology mail manipulation book has set up generations of bad dating that we're experiencing today and my hope is that my channel is inviting you to do something different for yourself and for, oh, my phone is gonna be, I better turn it off, I didn't put it on mute, is gonna change your life. And this is why I encourage everyone to begin a daily practice of personal development, self-help and spiritual work so you can get ready for a juicy, delicious relationship, juicy, delicious, healthy relationship because you're in a healthy place and then I teach you how to find a partner who's also in a healthy place. Can I get an amen? Hope so. All right. Thank you, again, thank you, Frida, I appreciate it. Leif says you're 100% right. Thank you, Bahra. Let's see. Media Queen TV, Carrie, if you love someone and you break up, oh, this is Carrie, when you love someone, break up, where does the love go? Samantha, to their ex-girlfriend. Oh, I didn't know that part, thank you so much. Amen, there you go. Okay, Kelly says, my boyfriend says he's not ready to introduce me to his daughter as he has his girlfriend. His daughter thinks I'm still just friends. He says he's not ready, even after one and a half years. He was divorced two years ago. Oh my God, you've been together for one and a half years and he's not willing to introduce. Listen, folks, children, believe it or not, children are incredibly resilient, incredibly resilient. I wanna tell you a story. Okay, so there's Colin and Connor. That's roughly about the ages when my ex-wife and I split up. They were around eight and five. When we told them we were getting a divorce, they were like, yeah, so what? They said, yeah, so what? I mean, literally, because you know what? Half of their friends are divorced. Half of the children that they go to school with are divorced. Children are rather resilient. So this fear that he has about his child, first off, I'm not in agreement with that. I think if you, look at ladies, if the penis is going into the vagina on a regular basis, introducing each other to your family and friends is part of the process. And if you don't feel comfortable, well, then do a fucking better job vetting one another. Don't waste someone's time for a year and a half. I'm sorry, I'm getting agitated on this one, but I feel differently than some other folks on this one. I'm like, look, not to say maybe six months into the relationship is okay, but if you've been dating for six months, then have a plan of like, why are you dating? Do you, look at, either you're dating to get married or live together, or they're gonna become somebody you used to know. I'm gonna repeat that. You're either dating to either get married or live together, or at least have some sort of, maybe living together apart, or they're gonna become somebody you used to know. So here's the thing. If you've invested a year and a half with someone and they're not willing to introduce you to their children, that's not cool on my part. That's just my opinion. But this isn't the Bible. Let me just say something, everybody. I'm just speaking up, I'm spitting. I'm just merely giving you a perspective. You make the choice after hearing what I have to say. I'm gonna repeat that. I'm just giving you perspective. You make the choice for yourself. I just don't, wouldn't be cool with that. I'm a big proponent. Certainly, you know, like my next, the love of my life, my hope is, if I'm having a significant relationship and I said the words, I love you and I'm having sex with on a regular basis, I'll introduce her to Colin sooner rather than later. That's just me. Okay, hope that helps, Kelly. All right. Where are, let's see. What does it mean when a man says, you deserve so much more? So, when a man's, this is a great question, by the way. When a man says you deserve so much more, that's an insecure man. That's a man who's emotionally unhealthy and it's a passive aggressive move on my part. At least my perception on that. That's a very passive aggressive move to get some sort of validation from you that he's worthy. That's a piss poor pussy way. I just said the P word. Please forgive me. I'm shaming whoever that's, I'm not shaming the individual. I'm shaming any guy who says this. That's a weak pussy ass way to get validation, okay? I would never say that to another human being. And if they're trying to get validation, the minute you hear that, say thank you, I will. That's it. Say thank you, I will. Because if you don't have enough confidence in yourself that you think you're worthy enough for this relationship, then you're not emotionally mature enough to be, your penis doesn't get to go inside me if you don't have enough self-confidence in yourself. I'm sorry. And by the way, I'm not talking about someone who might temporarily be feeling insecure in their life. I'm talking about when someone says that, that's pretty drastic, that's pretty dramatic. Kick them to the curb. That's my feeling on it anyway. All right. Michelle says thank you for the recognition, Jonathan. I'm watching from UK. Yay. I know it's pretty late where you're at, so thank you. And Leif says, right. I'm assuming you're agreeing to what I just said. Let's go back up and see if we've got. Oh, wait a minute. I don't know if I did this one. Kelly, question. Dating a man, been together a year and a half. He says he's not ready. He is in content. He is content how things are. He was divorced two years ago. Is this why he's not ready? Okay. Well, he was divorced two years ago and you've been together a year and a half. Yes. Someone who hasn't had enough time on their own, oftentimes aren't ready. So you're known as, you're actually affectionately known, unaffectionately known, excuse me, as what's known as the transition girlfriend. That's what you are to him. You're the holding spot. While he temporarily gets his basic needs met of companionship, connection and sex, it's also known Esther Perel calls this, Esther Perel wrote the book called Mating Incaptivity. Mating Incaptivity and what you're experiencing is what she calls stable ambiguity, stable ambiguity. The stable part is you're most likely monogamous and exclusive with another and it's ambiguous to where this relationship is going because the man isn't ready. Ladies, when I talk about pre-qualifying a prospect, this is my whole coaching program when someone works with me privately. I teach you how to determine true compatibility, how to ask the right questions and how to vet for emotional maturity. That's called pre-qualifying your prospect. So before you get emotionally attached because chemistry will take over, you better know good questions to ask before you give your heart away. I have a video called Questions to Ask a Guy Before Sleeping Together. You might wanna watch that, well, it's too late now, Kelly, but I'm here to say most likely, I'm not saying an absolute, but there's a good 90% chance you're gonna be his transition girlfriend. And by the way, when you've been someone's transition person once or twice, you go, ah, I get it. By the way, how do we get good judgment? It's oftentimes by a lot of bad judgment. And here's the thing though. As I wrote in my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway, everything is happening for you, not to you. This relationship might be very great. It's probably not gonna go the distance, but it's a great relationship. Appreciate the ride and then get back out there and learn the right questions asked so you don't get stuck in the transition relationship. Can I get an amen? All right. Doug says, hey buddy, is it possible to have a female friend from by perspective, i.e. for me? I've got good female friends, as long as it's not an ulterior motive from one another. Listen, I think, by the way, the answer is yes. And for ladies, I'm gonna tell you a big part of why I think I'm emotionally mature is because I have female friends. I'm always hearing the female's perspective. Okay, I'm always hearing the female's perspective. Now, I talk to women all day long professionally, but I have a very dear friend. I don't have a picture of her, Tammy. She's my, okay, so really quickly, this is a woman I met online in 2005 on a, and we had a mutual friend. We met through a dating app. We had a first date, but there wasn't chemistry, but it was weird. We had a great connection, but there wasn't chemistry. And she's very attractive and I'd like to think I'm attractive. But we had this affinity for one another and we just began talking practically every day, not quite every day, but I've been through three of her relationships. She's been through two of my relationships. We literally talk to each other. I'd say for the last 15 years, easily once a week for the last 15 years. And we talk about our emotional well-being. We men and women need that. Like I said, men crave femininity and women crave masculinity, not feminine energy and not masculine energy. I'm talking about we appreciate the male perspective and the female perspective. Let's throw that energy perspective out the door because that's fucking up so much dating. All this feminine energy dating advice is ruining it for you because you're leaning back into your feminine energy and men's just naturally supposed to claim you. Does that really happen? I mean, first off, if a man opens car doors, pulls out a chair, certainly great gentlemanly acts, but the most gentlemanly thing a person can do is not take charge of the relationship. The most gentlemanly thing a man can do is be a fucking emotional grown-up. That's the most gentlemanly thing a man can do. If he can operate from this perspective, then you're gonna be golden. You don't need him to be the leader of the relationship. You just need him to be the leader of his own life in an area of emotional maturity. I hope that's sinking in. Boy, I'm agitated right now. All right, Doug, I think I, so going back to female friends, by the way, my Moscow Mule, today it's lemonade, lime and vodka. Typically it's Sprite or 7-Up. Diet Sprite or Diet 7-Up for me. So yes, they can be friends so long as, as I said before, it's not about talking, well, you can talk about your interpersonal life, but ultimately just know that eventually that's gonna be reserved for your partner. And at some point, by the way, my friend Tammy, she's in a relationship. We talk about their relationship frequently. And if I'm in a new relationship, I'll probably talk to her about that. But ultimately, when you have a partner in life, you don't need to have that friend as much because you're focusing on your partner. So there is gonna be a shift of space when you're in relationship versus when you're not in relationship. I hope that helps, Doug, thank you. All right, let me scroll through here. I'm amen. Here, here. Lean back, LOL. All right, Media Queen TV has written two questions. Here we go, from Australia. I dated a guy who was all into me at first. We had intense connection and suddenly he went cold for no apparent reason. He said, you will find love and be happy. Okay, that's not a question, but I get that there's a part two here. So part two. Okay, he kept seeing his ex-wife's friends on weekends and standing me up. How do I move on from this emotionally as now I've become even more resigned about meeting the right man? So, you know, I'm gonna recommend a book. Well, actually, well, I wanna recommend two books. So first off, everybody, I wanna recommend this book called The Untethered Soul from Michael Singer. Untethered Soul by Michael Singer. Okay, why do I wanna recommend this book? This teaches you how to talk to the voices in your head, okay? Now, a grownup, you know, what's happening media queen is the little kid inside of you is attached to this person, most likely because you were physically intimate and you were bonded with one another through oxytocin. This is why I, so what's happening is the little girl inside of you is attached to him. What I wanna recommend everybody to do is to start being more intentional and being more grown up in relationship. This is why I want everyone to read this book. How to be an adult in relationships because we can't allow our little kid to be in charge of our lives. Here's the thing, when we allow our little kid to be in charge of our lives, that puts the other person in the parental role. And this person behavior isn't operating from this perspective. So, I'm a big proponent. You end the, if you're gonna, if you wanna resign to meeting the right guy, you end communication, you might need to block him for a while, block him on all your social media. Look at, sometimes we have to wean ourselves from another person, block them from social media, block your, the temptation to stalk them and do the things that a lot of times people do. And now, depending on how long you dated, I don't recommend jumping back in the dating realm right away, but do personal development, self-help and spiritual work along the way so that you're ready to be in a healthy, happy relationship. And if you need some support, I definitely recommend reading this book. This is the CD. It's called Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. Return to Love by Marianne Williamson. I love, love, love this book. This book, The Untethered Soul are two of my favorite books along with, one of my books just fell, along with my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway. A little pitch for my book, by the way, links below. Oh my God, we've been going for an hour. Let's see what else we have here. Candy says, amen. All right. Savior says, what does it mean when he says he doesn't wanna hurt me? What does it mean when he says I doesn't wanna hurt you? So it basically means is he's aware that he's most likely, this is what it means. He's aware he's not gonna go the distance. And we know women get attached to men. I'm gonna repeat this. We men know you women get attached to us, so he knows this. So he's pulling away, he's pulling away because he doesn't want you to get more hurt than you probably already will get hurt because you're attached to him. That's most likely what he means. I don't know, I need more context, but that's most likely what it means. He knows he's not gonna go the distance and he's pulling away. Media Queen says, thank you, yes, great advice. I wanna return to love, amen. All right, Heather says, I'm looking for marriage. If I'm dating someone for three months, six months, what's the timeframe to make sure things are progressing? Do I walk away after five months? I don't wanna waste time. You know, it takes roughly about four seasons to get to know someone, meaning spring, summer, fall, winter, excuse me. Well, usually it starts off at summer, okay? And what I mean is not the timeframe, but it's hot and heavy, then you go to the fall, the winter, you have a storm, and then it comes into the spring. It takes about a year to get to know someone. But the real important question is finding out what do they want in relationship before you ever start embarking on a relationship? And then ultimately, folks, and this is critical. I want everybody to read this book. It's called Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zuckoff, Spiritual Partnership by Gary Zuckoff. Why this is so important is that I'm a big believer that as soon as two people embark on a relationship at right around the three month mark, they become more, if they've decided they're gonna progress the relationship forward, that they become more intentional. And they actually do something what's known as co-creating a relationship, co-creating a relationship. This is why reading the book Eight Dates is so critically important to learn how to co-create a relationship so you learn the mechanics, because what you don't wanna do is invest a year in a relationship that isn't gonna go anywhere. And so it starts by being intentional. So it's not about the timeframe, it's more about the intentionality. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? I hope it is. So be more intentional, the five months, it's hard to really know someone, it takes about a year to just get to know them at a base level. But it starts by finding out if you're on the same page and continually talking about the relationship. Stop this fear of not asking questions, ladies, stop being afraid, because all it does is it prolongs the agony, because here's the thing, as I said in my book, if it's since speak your truth, do it with kindness. Chapter nine, if it's sincere and from the heart, you can't say the wrong thing to the right person. Start, Heather, start having real dialogue. That's my recommendation for you. Really quickly, I wanna give a shout out to Julia. Thank you for the $5, I really appreciate that. All right. Oops. Question, should he always initiate contact? I've been letting him initiate and we go three weeks with no contact. Okay, so ladies, I am a big proponent. He makes initiate contact, you initiate contact. You initiate contact, he initiates contact. He initiates contact, you initiate contact. You initiate contact, he initiates contact. It's a ping pong game. You're waiting three weeks when you could just simply say, hey, sweetheart, how are you doing? All right, I mean, ladies, stop. I got a screen here. I get frustrated with this one. Kate and I apologize, I'm not yelling at you. I'm just yelling at this. Ladies, stop expecting men to do all this because you're going to fail. You gotta make some effort too. We wanna know that you want us as well. So make the effort. And by the way, again, only the wrong guy is gonna be scared away. Stop this stupid fucking rules game. I'm sorry, Kate, I apologize. This isn't you, this is everyone. This is a game playing when you're doing that. And guess what? You're the one who gets hurt. So reach out to him, ask him what's going on. I'm checking in with you. And if he doesn't respond, maybe something's going on in his life. Ladies, look at, there are times when I need deep crying my eyes out over my son. I am there a days when I'm on the floor crying and I don't wanna talk to anyone. So what if he's going through something right now and you're just doing the leaning back and you're feminine energy. I'm not, I'm joking here. But you can reach out to him. Okay, I'm sorry, Kate. Can I give you a big, gigantic hug because I kind of threw you under the bus on that one. But this one really irks me and I'm giving you a big hug right now. All right, thank you. All right, what else do we have? Oh, Doug, thank you. It's a turn on. Ladies, he's saying it's a turn on when a woman initiates. We look at, this is the initiation of contact question from a guy's perspective. I've met two very nice women last week. I reached out after the meeting to both and neither is making effort to initiate. Ladies, guys like Doug and I when we encountered those types of women, this is what we say, bye-bye, because we want two lane street part, two lane street. Look at, this is a two lane street. You make effort, I make effort. I make effort, you make effort. You make effort, I make effort. It's a two lane street. If you're expecting, if he's making effort and you're here, guess what happens? He goes, he goes somewhere else. He goes somewhere else. He goes somewhere else. Thank you, Doug, I appreciate that. Kate, thank you so much. I appreciate that. I really do. Thanks for your kindness on that one. I really appreciate it. You know what, folks? I'm going out to dinner with my friends tonight. It's one of my dearest friends, 50th something birthday. Collectively, there's 120 years of friendship amongst this circle of friends. So I'm getting together and I'm gonna leave here shortly. So I think this will be a good place to wrap up for tonight. Hey everyone, I wanna thank you from the bottom of my heart for allowing me to enter your lives today and share a little bit about what I am passionate about is personal development, self-help and spiritual work to prepare you for the right relationship and then learning how to vet for emotional maturity and learning how to pre-qualify your prospect. So if you're watching the replay right now, there's a description below. If you wanna schedule a discovery call with me, if you join my group called Midlife Love Master, I'll send you the we need to talk exercise. I've got a podcast called What Would Love Do Podcasts. I've got my book, What the Heck Is Self Love Anyway and all the recommended books is in the links below. I wanna thank everyone from the bottom of my heart to allowing me to share with you today. And I truly do hope that you find space to be truly compassionate for yourself, just like when I recommended this first book. Self-compassion is how we get through life in a healthier, happier way. And I wanna invite everyone to have self-compassion. All right, I'm gonna wrap up this video as I always do. First off, giving myself a big gigantic Jonathan Bear hug of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm gonna ask you to turn to someone or a pet or a teddy bear or pillow and give Iter them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love and we can all use more loves in our lives. Thanks a bunch. Bye-bye now.