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Published on Feb 19, 2013
If you've ever felt sexually frustrated, you've come to the right place. Here's how you can have mind blowing orgasms on the regular and feel totally satisfied with your sex life.
Hi, this is Melissa Fritcchle with AskAnExpert answering you love and sex questions. Today’s question is: My girlfriend always blames me if she doesn’t orgasm. Isn’t she at least partly responsible for her orgasm or is it really the guys job to make her feel “good”?
Feeling responsible for another person’s pleasure can set up a stressful dynamic in a sexuality. I can understand why you might feel stressed or frustrated. Ideally, sex feels like a collaborative thing. You got to a strong feedback loop where you can tell what feels good for your partner and what isn’t working. However, we do have a cultural model and makes it seems like there’s set of skills to learn from a good lover. Even the way we talk about it. “I made her cum”. “He’s good in bed”. Those kind of things make it sound like there is a set of moves to learn and then you apply them across the board and it will always work. And the truth is we’re not interchangeable though. What you may learn with one girlfriend may not apply or work with the next girlfriend. So your girlfriend’s orgasm is unique to her. Her body is unique to her. And you right! She needs to communicate with you about what feels good. One way to talk her about this might be to say, “I can learn what works for allot of women. But what I’m most interested in is what works for you. So, I’d like you to tell me. I’d like you to give me some help in that area”. Let her know that you’re interested in her and that you need her input. That being said, there are things that you could be doing that could make it difficult for someone to orgasm. So you want to be aware of those. You be sure that you are listening and you are paying attention to her feedback, verbal and non-verbal. You want be sure that you’re taking enough time for her body to warm up and her body to have time to reach orgasm. And make sure that you’re not just focusing on penetration. There are lots of other things to do and for some women penetration alone won’t be enough for them to reach orgasm. So be a collaborative partner. Invite her to be active. Invite both of you to be verbal both, while you’re having sex and after you having sex about what works, what feels good, what you like, what you’re fanaticizing about. Invite her to active with you that way both of you can feel responsible for the fun you’re having.