 Chapter 39 of the Ordeal of Richard Feverell. This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please visit LibriVox.org. The Ordeal of Richard Feverell by George Meredith. Chapter 39. At a season when the pleasant southwestern island has few attractions to other than invalids and hermits enamored of wind and rain, the potent nobleman Lord Mount Falcon still lingered there to the disgust of his friends and special parasite. Mounts in Ford again they said among themselves hang the women was a natural sequence, for don't you see what a shame it was of the women to be always kindling such a very inflammable subject. All understood that Cupid had twanged his bow and transfixed a peer of Britain for the fiftieth time, but none would perceive, though he vouched for it with his most eloquent oaths, that this was a totally different case from the antecedent ones. So it had been sworn to them too frequently before he was as a man with mighty tidings and no language intensely communicative but in articulate. Good round oaths had formerly compassed and expounded his noble emotions. They were now quite beyond the comprehension of blasphemy, even when emphasized and by this the poor Lord divinely felt the case was different. There is something impressive in a great human hulk, writhing under the unutterable torments of a mastery he cannot contend with or account for or explain by means of intelligible words. At first he took refuge in the depths of his contempt for women. Cupid gave him line. When he had come to vent his worst of them, the fair face now stamped on his brain beamed the more triumphantly. So the harpooned whale rose to the surface and after a few convulsions surrendered his huge length. My Lord was in love with Richard's young wife. He gave proofs of it by bearing himself beside her. To her, could she have seen it, he gave further proofs of a real devotion in affecting and in her presence feeling nothing beyond a lively interest in her well-being. This wonder that when near her he should be cool and composed and when away from her wrapped in a tempest of desires was matter for what powers of cogitation the heavy noblemen possessed. The Honorable Peter, tired of his journeys to and fro, urged him to press the business. Lord Mount Falcon was wiser or more scrupulous than his parasite. Almost every evening he saw Lucy. The inexperienced little wife apprehended no harm in his visits. Moreover, Richard had commended her to the care of Lord Mount Falcon and Lady Judith. Lady Judith had left the island for London. Lord Mount Falcon remained. There could be no harm if she had ever thought so. She no longer did. Secretly perhaps she was flattered. Lord Mount Falcon was as well educated as it is the fortune of the run of titled elder sons-to-be. He could talk and instruct. He was a Lord, and he let her understand that he was wicked, very wicked, and that she improved him. The heroine in common with the hero has her ambition to be of use in the world, to do some good, and the task of reclaiming a bad man is extremely seductive to good women. Dear to their tender bosoms as old China is a bad man they are mending. Lord Mount Falcon had none of the arts about liberty, his gold, his title, and his person, had hitherto preserved him from having longed to side in vain or side all, possibly. The Honorable Peter did his villainies for him. No alarm was given to Lucy's pure instinct. This might have been the case had my Lord been over adept. It was nice in her martyrdom to have a true friend to support her, and really to be able to do something for that friend. To simple-minded to think much of his Lordship's position she was yet a woman. He, a great nobleman, does not scorn to acknowledge me and think something of me may have been one of the half-thoughts passing through her now and then as she reflected in self-defense on the proud family she had married into. January was watering and freezing old earth by terms. When the Honorable Peter traveled down to the sun of his purse with great news, yet no sooner broached his Lordship's immediate weakness than Mount Falcon began to plunge like a heavy dragoon in difficulties. He swore by this and that he had come across an angel for his sins and would do her no hurt. The next moment he swore she must be his though she cursed like a cat. His Lordship's illustrations were not choice. I haven't advanced an inch. He groaned greater upon my soul that little woman could do anything with me by heaven. I'd marry her tomorrow. Here I am seeing her every day in the week out or in. And what do you think she gets me to talk about? History. Isn't it enough to make a fellow mad? And there am I lecturing like a prig in by heaven while I'm at it. I feel a pleasure in it and when I leave the house I should feel an immense gratification in shooting somebody. What do they say in town? Not much, said Brader significantly. Wins that fellow her husband coming down. I rather hope we've settled him for life, Mount. Nobleman and parasite exchanged looks. How do you mean? Brader hummed an air and broke it to say he's in for Don Juan at a gallop. That's all. The deuce has bellowed got him. Mount Falcon asked with eagerness. Brader handed my Lord a letter. It was dated from the Sussex Coast, signed Richard, and was worded thus, my beautiful devil. Since we're both devils together and have found each other out come to me at once or I shall be going somewhere in a hurry. Come, my bright hell star, I run away from you and now I ask you to come to me. You have taught me how devils love and I can't do without you. Come an hour after you receive this. Mount Falcon turned over the letter to see if there was any more. Complimentary love epistle he remarked and rising from his chair and strutting about muttered the dog how infamously he treats his wife. Very bad, said Brader. How did you get hold of this? Strolled into Belle's dressing room, waiting for her, turned over her pendant, cushioned haphazard. You know her trick. By Jove I think that girl does it on purpose. Thank heaven I haven't written her any letters for an age. Is she going to him? Not she, but it's odd, Mount. Did you ever know her? Refused money before? She tore up the check and style and presented me the fragments with two or three of the delicacies of language. She learned at your academy. I'd rather like to hear a woman swear. It embellishes her. Mount Falcon took counsel of his parasite as to the end of the letter could be made to serve. Both conscientiously agreed that Richard's behavior to his wife was infamous and that he at least deserved no mercy. But said his lordship it won't do to show the letter. At first she'll be swearing his false and then she'll stick to him closer. I know the sluts. The rule of contrary, said Brader carelessly. She must see the transition with her eyes. They believe their eyes. There's your chance, Mount. You step in, you give her revenge and consolation. Two birds at one shot. That's what they like. You're an ass, Brader. The nobleman exclaimed. You're an infernal blaggard. You talk of this little woman as if she and other women were all of a piece. I don't see anything I gained by this confounded letter. Her husband's a brute. That's clear. Will you leave it to me, Mount? Be damned before I do. Murdered my lord. Thank you. Now see how this will end. You're too soft, Mount. You'll be made a fool of. I tell you, Brader, there's nothing to be done. If I carry her off, I've been on the point of doing it every day. What'll come of that? She'll look. I can't stand her eyes. I shall be a fool worse off with her than I am now. Mount Falcon yawned despondently. And what do you think he pursued? Isn't it enough to make a fellow gnash his teeth? He mentioned something in an underbreath and turned red as he said it. Brader put up his mouth and wrapped the handle of his cane on his chin. That's disagreeable, Mount. You don't exactly want to act in that character. You haven't got a diploma. Bother. Do you think I love her a bit less? Broke out my lord in a frenzy by heaven? I'd read to her by her bedside and talk that infernal history to her if it pleased her all day and all night. You're evidently graduating for a midwife, Mount. The nobleman appeared silently to accept the imputation. What do they say in town? He asked again. Brader said the sole question was whether it was made wife or widow. I'll go to her this evening. Mount Falcon resumed after to judge by the cast of his face reflecting deeply. I'll go to her this evening. She shall know what infernal torment she makes me suffer. You mean to say she don't know it? Hasn't an idea? Thanks me a friend. And so by heaven I'll be to her. Ah, hum! went the honorable Peter this way to the sign of the green man, ladies. Do you want to be pitched out of the window, Brader? Once was enough, Mount. The salvage man is strong. I may have forgotten the trick of alighting on my feet. There there I'll be sworn she's excessively innocent and thanks you, a disinterested friend. I'll go to her this evening. Mount Falcon repeated. She shall know what damn misery it is to see her in such a position. I can't hold out any longer. The seat's horrible to such a girl as that. I'd rather have her cursing me than speaking and looking as she does. Dear little girl, she's only a child. You haven't an idea how sensible that little woman is. Have you inquired the cunning one? My belief is, Brader, that there are angels among women, said Mount Falcon, evading his parasite's eye as he spoke. To the world, Lord Mount Falcon was the thoroughly wicked man. His parasite simply ingeniously dissipated. For many a man of God had thought it the easier task to reclaim the honorable Peter. Lucy received her noble friend by firelight that evening and sat much in the shade. She offered to have the candles brought in. He begged her to allow the room to remain as it was. I have something to say to you, hipster, with a certain solemnity. Yes, to me, said Lucy quickly. Lord Mount Falcon knew he had a great deal to say, but how to say it and what it exactly was he did not know. You can seal it admirably. He began, but you must be very lonely here. I fear unhappy. I should have been lonely, but for your kindness, my Lord, said Lucy. I'm not unhappy. Her face was in shade and could not belie her. Is there any help that one who would really be your friend might give you, Mrs. Federal? None indeed that I know of, Lucy replied, who can help us to pay for our sins. At least you may permit me to endeavor to pay my debts since you have helped me to wash out some of my sins. My Lord said, Lucy, not displeased. It is sweet for a woman to believe she has drawn the serpent's teeth. I tell you the truth, Lord Mount Falcon, went on. What object could I have in deceiving you? I know you quite above flattery, so different from other women. O'Prey do not say that, interpose, Lucy, according to my experience then. But you say you have met such very bad women. I have, and now that I meet a good one, it is my misfortune. You're misfortune, Lord Mount Falcon? Yes, and I might say more. His Lordship held impressively mute. How strange men are, thought Lucy. He had some unhappy secret. Tom Bakewell, who had a habit of coming into the room on various pretenses during the nobleman's visits, put a stop to the revelation if his Lordship intended to make any. When they were alone again, Lucy said, smiling, do you know I'm always ashamed to ask you to begin to read? Mount Falcon stared to read. Oh, ha, yes. You remembered his evening duties. Very happy, I'm sure. Let me see. Where were we? The life of the Emperor Julian. But indeed, I feel quite ashamed to ask you to read, my Lord. It's new to me, like a new world. Hearing about emperors and armies and things that really have been on the earth, we walk upon. It fills my mind, but it must have ceased to interest you, and I was thinking that I would not tease you anymore. Your pleasure is mine, Mrs. Federal. Upon my honor, I'd read till I was hoarse to hear your remarks. Are you laughing at me? Do I look so? Lord Mount Falcon had fine full eyes, and by merely dropping the lids, he could appear to endow them with mental expression. No, you are not, said Lucy. I must thank you for your forbearance. The nobleman went on his honor loudly. Now it was an object of Lucy's to have him reading for his sake, for her sake, and for somebody else's sake, which somebody else was probably considered first in the matter. When he was reading to her, he seemed to be legitimizing his presence there, and though she had no doubts or suspicions whatsoever, she was easier in her heart while she had him employed in that office. So she rose to fetch the book, laid it open on the table at his Lordship's elbow, and quietly waited to ring for candles when he should be willing to commence. That evening, Lord Mount Falcon could not get himself up to the forest, and he felt a pity for the strangely innocent unprotected child with anguish hanging over her that withheld the words he wanted to speak or insinuate. He sat silent and did nothing. What I do not like him for, said Lucy meditatively, is his changing his religion. He would have been such a hero, but for that, I could have loved him. Who was it you could have loved? Mrs. Feverell, Lord Mount Falcon, asked the Emperor Julian. Oh, the Emperor Julian. Well, he was an apostate, but then, you know, he meant what he was about. He didn't even do it for a woman. For a woman? Quite Lucy, what man would for a woman? I would. You, Lord Mount Falcon? Yes, I'd turn Catholic tomorrow. You make me very unhappy if you say that, my Lord. Then I'll unsay it. Lucy slightly shuddered. She put her hand upon the belt to ring for lights. Do you reject a convert? Mrs. Feverell said the nobleman. Oh, yes, yes, I do. One who does not give his conscience I would not have. If he gives his heart and body, can he give more? Lucy's hand pressed the belt. She did not like the doubtful light with one who was so unscrupulous. Lord Mount Falcon had never spoken in this way before. He spoke better too. She missed the aristocratic twang in his voice and the hesitation for words and the fluid lordliness with which he rolled over difficulties in speech. Simultaneously with the sounding the bell, the door opened and presented Tom Bakewell. There was a double knock at the same instant at the street door. Lucy delayed to give orders. Can it be a letter, Tom? So late, she said, changing color. Pray run and see. That and paused. Tom remarked as he obeyed his mistress. Are you very anxious for a letter? Mrs. Feverell, Lord Mount Falcon inquired. Oh, no, yes, I am. Very, said Lucy. Her quick ear caught the tones of a voice she remembered. That dear old thing has come to see me. She cried starting up. Tom ushered a bunch of black satin into the room. Mrs. Berry, said Lucy, running up to her and kissing her. Me, my darling, Mrs. Berry, breathless and rosy with her journey, returned the salute. Me truly it is and fault of that better for I ain't one to stand by and give the devil his license. Roman and the salt sure enough to have spilled my bright gown at the beginning, which ain't the best sign. Bless you. Oh, here he is. She beheld a male figure in a chair by the half light and swung around to address him. You bad man. She held a loft one of her fat fingers. I've come on you like a boat I have and going to make you do your duty, naughty boy. But you're my darling babe. She melted as was her custom and I'll never meet you and not give to you the kiss of a mother. Before Lord Mount Falcon could find time to expostulate the soft woman had him by the neck and was down among his luxurious whiskers. Ah, she gave a smothered shriek and fell back. What hair is that? Tom Bakewell just then illumined via transaction. Oh, my gracious Mrs. Berry, breathe with horror. I've been and kiss a strange man. Lucy half laughing, but in a dreadful concern begged the noble lord to excuse the woeful mistake. Extremely flattered, highly favored, I'm sure, said his lordship, rearranging his disconcerted mustache may beg the pleasure of an introduction. My husband's dear old nurse, Mrs. Berry, said Lucy taking her hand to lend her countenance. Lord Mount Falcon, Mrs. Berry, Mrs. Berry sought grace while she performed a series of apologetic bobs and wiped the perspiration from her forehead. Lucy put it into a chair. Lord Mount Falcon asked for an account of her passage over to the island receiving distressingly full particulars by which it was revealed that the softness of her heart was only equal by the weakness of her stomach. The recital calmed Mrs. Berry down. Well, and where's my, where's Mr. Richard, your husband, my dear? Mrs. Berry turned from her tail to question. Did you expect to see him here? I said Lucy in a broken voice. And where else my love, since he haven't been seen in London a whole fortnight, Lucy did not speak. We will dismiss the Emperor Julian till tomorrow, I think, said Lord Mount Falcon rising and bowing. Lucy gave him her hand with mute thanks. He touched it distantly, embraced Mrs. Berry in a farewell bow, and was shown out of the house by Tom Bakewell. The moment he was gone, Mrs. Berry threw up her arms. Did you ever know such a horrid thing to go and happen to a virtuous woman? She exclaimed I could cry at it. I could to be going and kissing a strange hairy man. Oh dear me, what's coming next? I wonder, whiskers, thinks I, for I know the touch of whiskers, taint like other hair. What have he grown or cropped that sudden? I says to myself, and it flashed on me. I've been and made an awful mistake, and the lights come in, and I see that great hairy man begging his pardon, noble man. And if I could have dropped through the floor outside of men, drop them. They're always in the way that they are. Mrs. Berry, Lucy, chucked her. Did you expect to find him here? Asking that Solomon retorted Berry, what him? Your husband? Of course I did, and you got him, somewhere as hid. I have not heard from my husband for fifteen days, said Lucy, and her tears rolled heavily off her cheeks. Not here from him. Fifteen days, Berry echoed. Oh Mrs. Berry, dear kind Mrs. Berry, have you no news? Nothing to tell me? I've borne it so long. They're cruel to me, Mrs. Berry, or do you know if I have offended him, my husband? While he wrote, I did not complain. I could live on his letters for use, but not to hear from him to think I've ruined him, and that he repents. Do they want to take him from me? Do they want me dead? Oh Mrs. Berry, I've had no one to speak out my heart to you all this time, and I cannot, cannot help crying, Mrs. Berry. Mrs. Berry was inclined to be miserable at what she heard from Lucy's lips, and she was herself full of dire apprehension. But it was never this excellent creature's system to be miserable in company. The sight of a sore that was not positive and could not refer to proof, set her resolutely the other way. Fiddle-faddle, she said, I'd like to see him repent. He won't find anywhere's a beauty like his own dear little wife, and he knoweth. Now look ye here, my dear, ye blessed weep and pet, the man that could see ye with that hair of yours there in ruins, and he backed by the law, and not rushed into your arms, and whole ye squeezed for life, he ain't got much man in him. I say, and no one can say that of my babe, I was saying, look here to comfort ye, oh why to be sure he've got some surprise for you, and so I, my lamb, hark now, his father's come to town like a good reasonable man at last to unite ye both, and bring your bodies together as your hearts is forever lasting. Now ain't that news? Oh, cried Lucy, that takes my last hope away. I thought ye'd gone to his father. She burst into fresh tears. Mrs. Berry paused, disturbed, be like he's traveling after him, she suggested. Fifteen days, Mrs. Berry. Oh, fifteen weeks, my dear, after I see a man as that, he's a regular meteor, is Sir Austin Theverall, Rainham Abbey, well, so hark you here, I says to myself, that knows him, for I did think my babe was in his natural nest, I says, the Barnett, oh, never write for you both to come up and beg forgiveness, so down I'll go and fetch you up, for there was your mistake, my dear, ever, to leave your husband to go away from ye one hour in a young marriage. It's dangerous, it's mad, it's wrong, and it's only to be righted by your obeying of me, as I command it, for I has my fits, though I am a softened, obey me, and you be happy tomorrow, or the next to it. Lucy was willing to see comfort, she was weary of her self-inflicted martyrdom, and glad to give herself up to somebody else's guidance utterly. But why does he not write to me, Mrs. Berry? Cause, cause, who can tell the why of men, my dear, but that he love ye faithful, I'll swear, haven't he groaned in my arms that he couldn't come to ye, weak wretch, hasn't he swore how he loved ye to me, poor young men, but this is your fault, my sweet, yes it be, you should have followed my advice at the first, instead of going into your aeroics about this and other. Here, Mrs. Berry poured forth fresh sentences on matrimony, pointed especially at young couples, I should have been a fool if I hadn't suffered myself, she confessed, so I'll thank my berry, if I make you wise in season. Lucy smoothed her ruddy, plump cheeks, and gazed up affectionately into the soft woman's kind brown eyes, endearing phrases passed from mouth to mouth, and as she gazed, Lucy blushed, as one who has something very secret to tell, very sweet, very strange, but cannot quite bring herself to speak it. Well, there's three men in my life I kissed, said Mrs. Berry, too much absorbed in her extraordinary adventure to notice the young wife's struggling bosom, three men and one a nobleman, he've got more whiskers than my berry, I wonder what the man thought, tend to one he'll think now I was glad of my chance, there that bane, whether they's lords or commons, how was I to know? I natural thanks, none but her husband, the sit in that chair, ha, and in the dark, and alone with ye, Mrs. Berry hardened her eyes, and your husband away, what do this mean, tell all to me, John, what it mean, his being here alone, without air or candle. Lord mount, Falcon is the only friend I have here, said Lucy, he's very kind, he comes almost every evening. Lord mount, Falcon, that is name, Mrs. Berry exclaimed, I've been that flurried by the man, I didn't mind it at first, he come every evening, and your husband out of sight, my goodness me, it's getting worse and worse, and what do he come for now, man, now tell me candid what ye do together here in the dark of an evening, Mrs. Berry glance severely, oh Mrs. Berry, please not to speak in that way, I don't like it, said Lucy, pouting, what do we come for, I ask, because he is kind, Mrs. Berry, he sees me very lonely and wishes to amuse me, and he tells me of things I know nothing about him, and wants to be a teacher, and some of his things may happen, Mrs. Berry interrupted with a ruffled breast, you are very ungenerous suspicious naughty old woman, said Lucy, chatting her, and you're a silly unsuspecting little bird, Mrs. Berry retorted as she returned her taps, on the cheek you haven't told me what ye do together, and what's his excuse for coming, well then Mrs. Berry, almost every evening that he comes, we read history, and he explains the battles, and talks to me about the great men, and he says I'm not silly Mrs. Berry, that's one bit of lime on your wings my bird, history indeed, history to a young married lovely woman alone in the dark, a pretty history, why I know that man's name my dear, he's a notorious living rake, that Lord Mount Falcon, no woman's safe with him, ah but he hasn't deceived me Mrs. Berry, he has not pretended he was good, Moore's his ark, both the experienced names, so you read history together in the dark my dear, I was unwell tonight Mrs. Berry, I wanted him not to see my face, look there's the book open ready for him, when the candles come in, and now you dear kind darling old thing, let me kiss you for coming to me, I do love you, talk about the things, so we will, said Mrs. Berry, softening to Lucy's caresses, so let us, a nobleman indeed alone, with a young wife in the dark, and she's such a beauty, I say this shall be put a stop to now, and ends forth on a spotted shall, he won't maneuver, Betsy Berry with his arts there, I drop him, I'm dying for a cup of tea my dear, Lucy got up to ring the bell, and as Mrs. Berry incapable of quite, dropping him was continuing to say, let him go and boast I kiss him, he ain't nothing to be shamed of in a chaste woman's kiss unawares, which men don't get too often in their lives, I can assure them, her eyes surveyed Lucy's figure, low when Lucy returned to her, Mrs. Berry surrounded her with her arms, and drew her into feminine deaths, oh you blessed, she cried in a most meaning tone, you good, loving, proper little wife, you, what is it, Mrs. Berry, Liz Lucy opening the most innocent blue eyes, as if I couldn't see you pet, it was my flurry blinded me, or I'd mark ye the fast shock, thinking to deceive me, Mrs. Berry's eyes spoke generations, Lucy's wavered, she colored all over and hit her face on that bounteous breast that mounted to her, you're a sweet one, murmured the soft woman, patting her back and rocking her, you're a rose you are, and a bud on your stalk, haven't told up word to your husband my dear, she asked quickly, Lucy's sugar head looking sly and shy, that's right, we'll give him a surprise, let it come all at once on him, and think see losing breath, I'm a father, nor a hint even, you haven't give him, Lucy kissed her to indicate it was quite a secret, oh you are a sweet one, said Bessie Berry, and rocked her more closely and lovingly, then these two had a whispered conversation from which, let all of male persuasion retire a space nothing under one mile, returning after a due interval, we see Mrs. Berry counting on her fingers ends, concluding the sum, she cries prophetically, now this, right, everything, a baby in the balance, now I say this angel intimate come from on high, it's God's messenger, my love, and it's not wrong to say so, he thinks you worthy or you wouldn't have one, not for all the frighten in the world, you wouldn't, and some tries hard enough, poor creatures, now let us rejoice and make merry, and for crying and laughing one in the same, this is the blessed seal of matrimony, which Berry never stamp on me, it's be hoped it's a boy, make that man a grandfather and his grandchild a son, and you got him safe, oh this is what I call happiness, and I'll have my tea a little stronger in consequence, I declare, I could get tipsy to know this joyful news, so Mrs. Berry caroled, she had her tea a little stronger, she ate and she drank, she rejoiced and made merry, the bliss of the chase was hers, says Lucy Demulie, now you know why I read history and that sort of books, do I, replies Berry, be like I do, since what you've done's so good my darling, I'm agreeable to anything, a fig for all the lords, they can't come and I a baby, you may read voyages and travels, my dear romances and tales of love and war, you cut the riddle in your own dear way, and that's all I cares for, no but you don't understand, persists Lucy, I only read sensible books and talk of serious things because I'm sure, because I've heard say dear Mrs. Berry, don't you understand now, Mrs. Berry smacked her knees, only to think of her being that thoughtful, and she a Catholic too, never tell me that people of one religion ain't as good as another after that, where you want to make him a historian to be sure, and that rake of a Lord who've been coming here playing at Wolf, you've been and made him unbeknown to himself, sort of tutor to the unborn blessed, ha ha, say that little women ain't got art equal to the cunningest of them, oh I understand, why to be sure, didn't I know a lady, a widow of a clergyman, he was a poster most child, and before his birth that women read nothing but Blair's grave over and over again, from the end to the beginning, that's a serious book, very hard reading, and at four years of age that child that come of it really was the pious infant, he was like a little curate, his eyes was up, he talked so solemn, Mrs. Berry imitated the little curate's appearance and manner of speaking, so she got her wish for one, but at this lady Lucy laughed, they chatted on happily till bedtime, Lucy arranged for Mrs. Berry to sleep with her, if it's not dreadful to eat my sweet sleeping beside a woman, said Mrs. Berry, I know it were to me shortly after my Berry, and I felt it, it don't somehow seem natural after matrimony a woman in your bed, I was obliged to have somebody for the cold sheets to give you the creeps when you've been used to that, that's different, upstairs they went together, Lucy not sharing these objections, then Lucy opened certain drawers and exhibited pretty caps and lace linen, all adapted for a very small body, all the work of her own hands, and Mrs. Berry praised them and her, you've been guessing a boy, woman like, she said, then they cooed against and undressed by the fire and knelt at the bedside with their arms about each other praying, both praying for the unborn child, and Mrs. Berry pressed Lucy's waist the moment she was about to breathe the petition to heaven to shield and bless that coming light, and there at Lucy closed to her and felt a strong love for her, then Lucy got into bed first leaving Berry to put out the light, before she did so Berry leaned over her and either rogueishly saying, I never see you like this, but I'm half in love with you myself, you blush in beauty, sweet your eyes and your hair do take one so lying back, I'd never forgive my father if he kept me away from me for in 20 hours just, husband of that, Berry pointed at the young wife's loveliness, he looks so ripe with kisses and there they are a languishing, you never look so but in your bed you beauty just as it ought to be. Lucy had to pretend to rise to put out the light before Berry would give up her amorous chase soliloquy, then they lay in bed and Mrs. Berry fondled her and arranged for their departure tomorrow and reviewed Richard's emotions when he came to hear he was going to be made a father by her, and hinted at Lucy's delicious shivers when Richard was again in his rightful place, which she, Bessie Berry, now usurped, and all sorts of amorous sweet things enough to make one fancy, the adage subverted that stolen fruits are sweetest. She drew such glowing pictures of bliss within the law and the limits of the conscience till at last worn out, Lucy murmured, Pee-pee dear Berry, and a soft woman gradually ceased her chirp. Bessie Berry did not sleep, she lay thinking of the sweet brave heart beside her and listening to Lucy's breath as it came and went, squeezing the fair sleeper's hand down bent to ease her love as her reflections warmed. A storm of wind came howling over the Hampshire hills and spraying white foam on the water and shook the bare trees that passed, leaving a thin cloth of snow on the wintry land, the moon shone brilliantly. Berry heard the house dog bark, his bark was savage and persistent, she was roused by the noise, by and by she fancies, she heard a movement in the house, then it seemed to her that the house door opened, she cocked her ears and could almost make out voices. In the midnight stillness, she slipped from the bed, locked and bolted the door of the room, assured herself of Lucy's unconsciousness and went on tiptoe to the window, the trees all stood white to the north, the ground glittered, the cold was keen. Berry wrapped her fat arms across her bosom and peeped as close over into the garden as the situation of the window permitted. Berry was a soft-nuttered timid woman and it happened this night that her thoughts were above the fears of the dark. She was sure the voice of curiosity without a shade of a lawn held her on the watch and gathering bundles of her day apparel round her neck and shoulders, she silenced the chattering of her teeth as well as she could and remained stationary. The lohum of the voices came to a break, something was said in a louder tone, the house door quietly shut, a man walked out of the garden into the road, he paused opposite her window and Berry let the blind go back to its place and peeped from behind an edge of it, he was in the shadow of the house so that it was impossible to discern. Much of his figure after some minutes he walked rapidly away and Berry returned to the bed an icicle from which Lucy's limbs sensitively shrank. Next morning Mrs. Berry asked Tom Bakewell if he had been disturbed in the night, Tom the mysterious said he had slept like a top, Mrs. Berry went into the garden, the snow was partially melted, all saved one spot just under the portal and there she saw the print of a man's foot. By some strange guidance that occurred to her to go and find one of Richard's boots, she did so unperceive she measured the sole of the boot in that solitary footmark, there could be no doubt that it fitted, she tried it from heel to toe a dozen times. End of chapter 39. Chapter 40 of The Ordeal of Richard Feverell, this is a LibriVox recording, all LibriVox recordings are in the public domain. For more information or to volunteer please visit LibriVox.org. The Ordeal of Richard Feverell by George Meredith Chapter 40. Sir Austin Feverell had come to town with the serenity of a philosopher who says to his now time and the satisfaction of a man who has not arrived there at without a struggle. He had almost forgiven his son, his deep love for him, had well night shaken loose from wounded pride and more tenacious vanity, stirrings of a remote sympathy for the creature who had robbed him of his son and hewed at his system were in his heart of hearts. This he knew and in his own mind he took credit for his softness, but the world must not suppose him soft, the world must think he was still acting on his system. Otherwise what would his long absence signify? Something highly unphilosophical. So though love was strong and was moving him to a straightforward course, the last tug of vanity drew him still a slant. The aphorist read himself so well that to juggle with himself was a necessity as he wished the world to see him, he beheld himself, one who entirely put aside mere personal feelings, one in whom parental duty based on the science of life was paramount, a scientific humanist in short. He was therefore rather surprised at a coldness in Lady Blandish's manner when he did appear. At last said the lady in a sad way that sounded reproachfully. Now the scientific humanist had of course nothing to reproach himself with, but where was Richard? Adrian positively avert, he was not with his wife. If he had gone, said the Baronet, he would have anticipated me by a few hours. This, when repeated to Lady Blandish, should have propitiated her and shown his great forgiveness, she however sighed and looked at him wistfully. Their converse was not happy and deeply intimate, philosophy did not seem to catch your mind and fine phrases encountered a rueful assent more flattering to their grandeur than to their influence. Days went by, Richard did not present himself. Sir Austin's pitch of self-command was to await the youth without signs of impatience. Seeing this, the lady told him her fears for Richard and mentioned the rumor of him that was about. If said the Baronet, this person, his wife, is what you paint her. I do not share your fears for him. I think too well of him. If she is one to inspire the sacredness of that union, I think too well of him. It is impossible. The lady saw one thing to be done. Call her to you. She said, have her with you at Reynon. Recognize her. It is the disunion and doubt that so confuses him and drives him wild. I confess to you. I hoped he had gone to her. It seems not. If she is with you, his way will be clear. Will you do that? Science is notoriously a slow movement. Lady Blandish's proposition was far too hasty for Sir Austin. Women rapid by nature have no idea of science. We shall see her there in time and malign. At present let it be between me and my son. He spoke loftily in truth. It offended him to be asked to do anything when he had just brought himself to do so much. A month elapsed and Richard appeared on the scene. The meeting between him and his father was not what his father had expected and had groomed over in the Welsh mountains. Richard shook his hand respectfully and inquired after his health with the common social solicitude. He then said, during your absence, sir, I have taken the liberty without consulting you to do something in which you are more deeply concerned than myself. I have taken upon myself to find out my mother and place her under my care. I trust you will not think I have done wrong. I acted as I thought best. Sir Austin replied, you are of an age, Richard, to judge for yourself in such a case. I would have you simply beware of deceiving yourself in imagining that you considered anyone but yourself in acting as you did. I have not deceived myself, said Richard, and the interview was over. Both hated and exposure of the feelings and in that both were satisfied. But the baronet as one who loves, hoped and looked for tones indicative of trouble and delight in the deep heart, and Richard gave him none of those. The young man did not even face him as he spoke. If their eyes met by chance, Richard's were defiantly cold, his whole bearing was changed. This rash marriage has altered him, said the very just man of science and life, and that meant it has debased him. He pursued his reflections, I see in him the desperate maturity of a suddenly ripened nature, and but for my faith that good work is never lost, what should I think of the toil of my years lost perhaps to me lost to him, it may show itself in his children. The philosopher we may conceive has contentment in benefiting embryos, but it was a somewhat bitter prospect to Sir Austin. Bitterly he felt the injury to himself. One little incident spoke well of Richard, a poor woman called at the hotel while he was missing. The baronet saw her and she told him a tale that threw Christian light on one part of Richard's nature. But this might gratify the father in Sir Austin. It did not touch the man of science, a fevers, his son would not do less, he thought. He sat down deliberately to study his son. No definite observations enlightened him. Richard ate and drank, joked and laughed. He was generally before Adrian in calling for a fresh bottle. He talked easily of current topics, his gaiety did not sound forced. In all he did, nevertheless, there was not the air of a youth who sees a future before him. Sir Austin put that down. It might be carelessness and wanton blood for no one could say he had much on his mind. The man of science was not reckoning that Richard also might have learned to act and wear a mask. Dead subjects, this is to say people not on their guard, he could penetrate and dissect. It is by a rare chance as scientific men well know that one has an opportunity of examining the structure of the living. However, that rare chance was granted to Sir Austin. They were engaged to dine with Mrs. Doria at the forays and walked down to her in the afternoon. Father and son, arm in arm, Adrian beside them. Previously, the offended father had condescended to inform his son that it would shortly be time for him to return to his wife, indicating that arrangements would ultimately be ordered to receive her at Raynam. Richard had replied, nothing, which might mean excess of gratitude or hypocrisy in concealing his pleasure or any one of the thousand shifts by which gratified human nature expresses itself when all is made to run smooth with it. Now Mrs. Berry had her surprise ready charged for the young husband. She had Lucy in her own house waiting for him. Every day she expected him to call and be overcome by the rapturous surprise and every day knowing his habit of frequenting the park. She marched Lucy Dither under the plea that Master Richard, whom she had already christened, should have an airing. The round of the red winter sun was behind the bare Kensington chestnuts when these two parties met. Happily for Lucy and the hope she bore in her bosom, she was perversely admiring a fair horsewoman galloping by at the moment. Mrs. Berry plucked at her gown once or twice to prepare her eyes for the shock. But Lucy's head was still half averted and thinks Mrs. Berry won't hurt her if she go into his arms head foremost. They were closed. Mrs. Berry performed the bob preliminary. Richard held her silent with a terrible face. He grasped her arm and put her behind him. Other people intervened. Lucy saw nothing to account for Berry's excessive flutter. Berry threw it on the air and some breakfast bacon which she said she knew in the morning while she ate it was bad for the bile and which probably was the cause of her bursting into tears much to Lucy's astonishment. What you ate makes you cry, Mrs. Berry. It's all Mrs. Berry pressed at her heart and lean sideways. It's all stomach, my dear. Don't you mind? And becoming aware of her unfashionable behavior, she trailed off to the shelter of the Elms. You have a singular manner with old ladies, said Sir Austin to his son after Berry had been swept aside. Scarcely courteous, she behaved like a mad woman, certainly. Are you ill, my son? Richard was death pale, his strong form spitting through with weakness. The baronette sought Adrian's eye. Adrian had seen Lucy as they passed. And he had a glimpse of Richard's countenance while disposing of Berry. Had Lucy recognized them, he would have gone to her unhesitatingly. As she did not, he thought it well under the circumstances to leave matters as they were. He answered the baronette's look with a shrug. Are you ill, Richard? Sir Austin again asked his son, come on, Sir, come on, cried Richard. His father's further meditations, as they stepped briskly to the forays, gave poor Berry a character which one who lectures on matrimony and has kissed but three men in her life shrieks to hear the very title of. Richard will go to his wife tomorrow. Sir Austin said to Adrian sometime before they went into dinner. Adrian asked him if he had chance to see a young, fair-haired lady by the side of the old one Richard had treated so peculiarly. And through the baronette's acknowledgment that he remembered to have observed such a person, Adrian said that was his wife, Sir. Sir Austin could not dissect the living subject as if a bullet had torn open the young man's skull and some blast of battle laid his palpitating organization bare. He watched every motion of his brain and his heart and with the grief and terror of one whose mental habit was ever to pierce two extremes. Not altogether conscious that he had hitherto played with life, he felt that he was suddenly plunged into the stormful reality of it. He projected to speak plainly to his son on all points that night. Richard is very gay. Mrs. Doria whispered her brother. All will be right with him tomorrow. He replied for the game had been in his hands so long, so long had he been the god of the machine that having once resolved to speak plainly and to act. He was to a certain extent secure that is the thing to mend might be. I noticed he has rather a wild laugh. I don't exactly like his eyes said Mrs. Doria. You will see a change in him tomorrow. The man of science remarked he was reserved for Mrs. Doria herself to experience that change in the middle of the dinner. A telegraphic message from her son-in-law worthy John Todd Hunter reached the house stating that Claire was alarmingly ill, bidding her come instantly. She cast about for someone to accompany her and fixed on Richard before he would give his consent for Richard to go. Sir Austin desired to speak with him apart and in that interview he said to his son, my dear Richard it was my intention that we should come to an understanding together this night but the time is short. Poor Helen cannot spare many minutes. Let me then say that you deceived me and that I forgive you. We fix our seal on the past. You will bring your wife to me when you return and very cheerfully the baronet look down on the generous future he thus founded. Will you have her at random at once sir said Richard yes my son when you bring her are you mocking me sir pray what do you mean I asked you to receive her at once well the delay cannot belong I do not apprehend that you will be kept from your happiness many days I think it will be some time sir said Richard sign deeply and what mental freak is this that can induce you to postpone it and play with your first duty what is my first duty sir since you are married to be with your wife I've heard that from an old woman called Barry said Richard to himself said Richard to himself not intending irony will you receive her at once he asked resolutely the baronet was clouded by his son's reception of his graciousness his grateful prospect had formerly been Richard's marriage the culmination of his system Richard had destroyed his participation in that he now looked for a pretty scene in recompense Richard leading up his wife to him and both being welcomed by him paternally and so held one ostentatious minute in his embrace he said before you return I demur to receiving her very well sir replied his son and stood as if he had spoken all really you tempt me to fancy you already regret your rash proceeding the baronet exclaimed and the next moment it pained him he had uttered the words Richard's eyes were so sorrowfully fierce it pained him but he divined in that look a history and he could not refrain from glancing acutely and asking do you regret it sir the question aroused one of those struggles in the young man's breast which are passionate storm of tears may still in which sink like leaden death into the soul when tears come not Richard's eyes had the light of the desert do you his father repeated you tempt me I almost fear you do at the thought for he expressed his mind the pity that he had for Richard was not pure gold ask me what I think of her sir ask me what she is ask me what it is to have taken one of God's precious angels and chained her to misery ask me what it is to have plunged a sword into her heart and to stand over her and see such a creature bleeding do I regret that why yes I do would you his eyes flew hard at his father under the ridge of his eyebrows sir Austin Winston readened did he understand there is ever in the mind's eye a certain willfulness we see and understand we see and won't understand tell me why you passed by her as you did this afternoon he said gravely and in the same voice Richard answered I passed her because I could not do otherwise your wife Richard yes my wife if she had seen you Richard God spared her that Mrs. Doria bustling in practical haste and bearing Richard's hat and great coat in her energetic hands came between them at this juncture dimples of commiseration were in her cheeks while she kissed her brother's perplexed forehead she forgot her trouble about Claire deploring his fatuity sir Austin was forced to let his son depart as of old he took counsel with Adrian and the wise youth was soothing somebody has kissed him sir and the chased boy can't get over it this absurd suggestion did more to appease the baronette than if Adrian had given a bearable reasonable key to Richard's conduct it set him thinking that it might be a prudish strain in the young man's mind due to the system in difficulties I may have been wrong in one thing he said with an air of the utmost doubt of it I perhaps was wrong in allowing him so much liberty during his probation Adrian pointed out to him that he had distinctly commanded it yes yes that is on me his was an order of mind that would accept the most burdensome charges and by some species of moral usury make a profit out of them Claire was little talk to Adrian attributed the employment of the telegraph to John Todd Hunter's eugzorious distress at a toothache or possibly the first symptoms of an air to his house that child's mind has disease in it she is not sound said the baronette on the doorstep of the hotel when they returned stood Mrs. Barry her wish to speak a few words with the baronette reverentially communicated she was ushered upstairs into his room Mrs. Barry compressed her person in the chair she was back into occupy well ma'am you have something to say observe the baronette for she seemed low to commence wish and I hadn't Mrs. Barry took him up and mindful of the good rule to begin at the beginning pursuit I dare say sir Austin you don't remember me and I little thought when last departed our meeting would be like this 20 year don't go over one without showing it no more than 20 ox it's a might of time 20 year these ways not quite 20 it ain't round figures are best Adrian remarked in them round figures up be loved son have grown up and got himself married said Mrs. Barry diving straight into the case sir Austin then learned that he had before him the culprit who had assisted his son in that venture it was a stretch of his patience to hear himself addressed on our family matter but he was not truly courteous he came to my house sir Austin a stranger if 20 year alters us as have note each other on the earth how must they alter they that we parted with just come from heaven and a heavenly babe he were so sweet so strong so fat Adrian laughed aloud Mrs. Barry bumped a curtsy to him and her chair continuing I wish before I spoke to say how thankful am I bound to be for my pension not cut short as have offended so but that I know sir Austin several Rainham Abbey ain't one of them that likes to hear their good deeds published and a pension to me now it's something more than it were for a pension and pretty rosy cheeks and a maid which I was that's a bait many a man or bite that won't so a forsaken wife if you will speak to the point man I will listen to you the baronette interrupted her it's the beginning that's the worst and that's over thank the Lord so I'll speak sir Austin and say my say Lord speed me believe in our IDs a matrimony to be similar then I'll say once married married for life yes I don't even like widows if I can't stop with the grave not at the tomb I can't stop my husband's my husband and if I'm a body at the resurrection I say speak in humbly my berry is the husband of my body and to think of two claiming of me then it makes me hot all over such as my notion of that state between man and woman no given in marriage of course I know and if so I'm single the baronette suppressed a smile really my good woman you wander very much beg and pardon sir Austin but I has my point before me all the same and I'm coming to acknowledge in our error it done and being done it's writ aloft oh if you only knew what a sweet young creature she be indeed taint all of humble birth that's unworthy sir Austin and she got her IDs to she reads history she talked that sensible as would surprise you but for all that she's a prey to the artful of men unprotected and it's a young marriage but there's no fear for her as far as she go the fear is to the way there's that in a man at the commencement which make of him lord knows what if you anyway interferes whereas a woman by its quiet its consolation catcher which is what we mean by so doing whereas a man he's a savage sir Austin turned his face to Adrian who was listening with huge delight well ma'am I see you have something in your mind if you would only come to it quickly then here's my point sir Austin I say you bread him so as there ain't another young gentleman like him in England and proud he make me and as for her I'll risk saying it's done and no harm you might search England through and know where will you find a maid that's his match like his own wife then there they be are they together as should be oh lord know months they've been divided then she all lonely and exposed I went and fetched her out of seducer's ways which they may say what they like but the incense is most open to when they're healthy and confiding I fetch her and the liberty boxed her safe in my own house so much for that sweet that you may do with women but it's him mr. Richard I am bold I know but there I'm in for and the lord will help me it's him sir Austin in this great metropolis warmed from a young marriage it's him and I say nothing to her and how sweet she bears it and it's eating her at a time when nature should have no other trouble but the one that's going on it's him and I asked so bold shall bear and our Christian gentleman his father shall there be a tugging him as a son and him as a husband soon to be something else I speak bold out I'd have sons obey their fathers but a priest word spoke over them which they're now in my ears I say I ain't a doubt on earth I'm sure there ain't one in heaven which duties the holier of the two sir Austin heard her to an end their views on the junction of the sexes were undoubtedly akin to be lectured on his prime subject however was slightly disagreeable and to be obliged mentally to assent to this old lady's doctrine was rather humiliating when it could not be a verb that he had latterly followed it out he sat cross-legged and silent a finger to his temple one gets so out of gated think of many things that mrs. Berry simply that's why we see wonder clever people going wrong to my mind I think it's all lays the plan in a dilemma to pray god and walk forward the keen-witted soft woman was tracking the baronette's thoughts and she had absolutely run him down and taken an explanation out of his mouth by which mrs. Berry was to have been informed that he had acted from a principle of his own and evolved of wisdom she could not be expected to comprehend of course he became advised immediately that it would be waste of time to direct such an explanation to her inferior capacity he gave her his hand saying my son has gone out of town to see his cousin who is ill he will return in two or three days and then they will both come to me at Rainham mrs. Berry took the tips of his fingers and went halfway to the floor perpendicularly he passed through it like a stranger in the park this evening she faltered ah said the baronette yes well they will be at Rainham before the week is over mrs. Berry was not quite satisfied not of his own accord he passed that sweet young wife of his like a stranger this day sir austin i must beg you not to intrude further ma'am mrs. Berry bobbed her bunch of a body out of the room all's well that ends well she said to herself it's just bad inquiring too close among men we must take them something like providence as they come thank heaven i kept back the baby in mrs. Berry's eyes the baby was the victoria's reserve adrian asked his chief what he thought of that specimen of woman i think i've not met a better in my life said the baronette mingling praise and sarcasm claire lies in her bed as placid as in the days when she breathed her right hands stretched their length along the sheets that piece from head to feet she knees iron no more richard is face to face with death for the first time he sees the sculptor of clay the spark gone claire gave her mother the welcome of the dead this child would have spoken nothing but kind common places had she been alive she was dead and none knew her malady on her fourth finger were two wedding rings when ours of weeping had silenced the mother's anguish she for some comfort she saw in it pointed out that strange thing to richard speaking low in the chamber of the dead and then he learned that it was his own lost ring claire wore in the two worlds he learned from her husband that claire's last request had been that neither of the rings should be removed she had written it she would not speak it i beg of my husband and all kind people who may have the care of me between this and the grave to bury me with my hands untouched the tracing of the words showed the bodily torment she was suffering as she wrote them on a scrap of paper found beside her pillow in wonder as the dim idea grew from that waving of claire's dead hand richard paced the house and hung about the awful room treading to enter it reluctant to quit it the secret claire had buried while she lived arose with her death he saw a play like flame across her marble features the memory of her voice was like a knife at his nerves his coldness to her started up accusingly her meekness was bitter blame on the evening of the fourth day her mother came to him in his bedroom with a face so white that he asked himself if art worse could happen to a mother than the loss of her child choking she said to him read this and thrust a leather bound pocketbook trembling in his hand she would not breathe to him what it was she entreated him not to open it before her tell me she said tell me what you think john must not hear of it i have nobody to consult but you oh richard my diary was written in the round hand of claire's childhood on the first page the first name as i encountered was his own richards 14th birthday i've worked him a purse and put it under his pillow because he is going to have plenty of money he does not notice me now because he has a friend now and he is ugly but richard is not and never will be the occurrences of that day were subsequently recorded and a childish prayer to god for him sat down step by step he saw her growing mind in his history as she advanced in years she began to look back and made much of little trivial remembrances all bearing upon him we went into the fields and gathered cow slips together and pelted each other and i told him he used to call them coals sleeps when he was a baby and he was angry at my telling him free does not like to be told he was ever a baby he remembered the incident and remembered his stupid scorn of her meek affection little claire how she lived before him in her white dress and pink ribbons and soft dark eyes upstairs she was lying dead he read on a ma says there is no one in the world like richard and i'm sure there's not not in the whole world he says he is going to be a great general and going to the wars if he does i shall dress myself as a boy and go after him and he will not know me till i'm wounded oh i pray he will never never be wounded i wonder what i should feel if richard was ever to die upstairs claire was lying dead lady blandish said there was a likeness between richard and me richard said i hope i do not hang down my head as she does he is angry with me because i do not look people on the face and speak out but i know i'm not looking after earthworms yes he had told her that a shiver seized him at the recollection then it came to a period when the words richard kissed me stood by themselves and marked a day in her life afterwards it was solemnly discovered that richard wrote poetry he read one of his old forgotten compositions penned when he had that ambition thy truth to me is truer than horse or dog or blade thy vows to me are fewer than ever maiden maid thou steppes from thy splendor to make my life a song my bosom shall be tender as thine has risen strong all the verses were transcribed it is he who is the humble knight claire explained at the close and his lady is a queen any queen would throw her crown away for him it came to that period when claire left reynum with her mother richard was not sorry to lose me he only loves boys and men something tells me i shall never see reynum again he was dressed in blue he said goodbye claire and kissed me on the cheek richard never kisses me on the mouth he did not know i went to his bed and kissed him while he was asleep he sleep with one arm under his head and the other out on the bed i moved away a bit of his hair that was over his eyes i wanted to cut it i have one piece i do not let anyone see i am unhappy not even mama she says i want iron i'm sure i do not i like to write my name claire doria forry richards is richard doria febrile his breast rose convulsively claire doria foray he knew the music of that name he'd heard it somewhere it sounded faint and mellow now behind the hills of death he could not read for tears it was midnight the hour seemed to belong to her the awful stillness and the darkness were claire's claire's voice clear and cold from the grave possessed it painfully with blinded eyes he looked over the breathless pages she spoke of his marriage and her finding the ring i knew it was his i knew he was going to be married that morning i saw him stand by the altar when they laughed at breakfast his wife must be so beautiful richard's wife perhaps he will love me better now he is married mama says they must be separated that is shameful if i can help him i will i pray so that he may be happy i hope god hears poor sinners prayers i'm very sinful nobody knows it as i do they say i am good but i know when i look on the ground i'm not looking after earthworms as he said oh do forgive me god then she spoke of her own marriage and that it was her duty to obey her mother a blank in the diary ensued i've seen richard richard despises me was the next entry but now as he read his eyes were fixed and the delicate feminine handwriting like a black thread drew on his soul to one terrible conclusion i cannot live richard despises me i cannot bear the touch of my fingers or the sight of my face oh i understand him now he should not have kissed me so that last time i wish to die while his mouth was on mine further i have no escape richard said he would die rather than endure i know he would why should i be afraid to do what he would do i think if my husband whipped me i could bear it better he is so kind and tries to make me cheerful he will soon be very unhappy i pray to god half the night i seem to be losing sight of my god the more i pray richard laid the book open on the table phantom surges seemed to be mounting and traveling for his brain had claire taken his wild words in earnest did she lie there dead he shrouded the thought he wrapped the thoughts and shrouds but he was again reading a quarter to one o'clock i shall not be alive this time tomorrow i shall never see richard now i dreamed last night we were in the fields together and he walked with his arm around my waist we were children but i thought we were married and i showed him i wore his ring and he said if you always wear it claire you are as good as my wife then i made a vow to wear it forever and ever it is not mama's fault she does not think as richard and i do of these things he is not a coward nor am i he hates cowards i've written to his father to make him happy perhaps when i'm dead he will hear what i say i heard just now richard called distinctly claire come out to me surely he has not gone i'm going i know not where i cannot think i'm very cold the words are written larger and staggered towards the clothes as if her hand had lost mastery over the pen i can only remember richard now a boy a little boy and a big boy i'm not sure now of his voice i can only remember certain words claire and don ricardo and his laugh he used to be full of fun once we laughed all day together tumbling in the hay then he had a friend and began to write poetry and be proud invite married a young man he would have forgiven me but i should not have been happier i must have died god never looks on me it is past two o'clock the sheep are bleeding outside it must be very cold in the ground goodbye richard with his name it began and ended even to herself claire was not over communicated the book was slender yet her 19 years of existence left half the number of pages white those last words drew him irresistibly to gaze on her there she lay the same impasse of claire for a moment he wondered she had not moved to him she had become so different she who had just filled his ears with strange tidings it was not possible to think her dead she seemed to have been speaking to him all through his life his image was on that still heart he dismissed the night watches from the room and remained with her alone till the sense of death oppressed him and then the shock sent him to the window to look for sky and stars behind a low broad pine hung with frosty mist he heard a bellwether of the flock in the silent fold death in life it sounded the mother found him praying at the foot of claire's bed she knocked by his sight and they prayed and their joint sobs shook their bodies but neither of them shed many tears they held a dark unspoken secret in common they prayed god to forgive her claire was buried in the family vault of the todd hunters her mother breathed no wish to have her lying at lowborn after the funeral what they alone upon earth knew brought them together richards he said the worst is over for me i have no one to love but you dear we have all been fighting against god and this richard you will come with me and be united to your wife and spirit my brother what i suffer he answered the broken spirit i've killed one she sees me as i am i cannot go with you to my wife because i'm not worthy to touch your hand and where i to go i should do this to silence my self-contempt go you to her and when she asked of me said i have a death upon my head that no say that i am abroad seeking for that which shall cleanse me if i find it i shall come to claim her if not god help us all she had no strength to contest his solemn words or stay him and he went forth end of chapter 40 chapter 41 of the ordeal of richard federal this is a leber vox recording all leber vox recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit leber vox.org the ordeal of richard federal by george meredith chapter 41 a man with a beard saluted the wise youth adrian in the full blaze of piccadilly with a clap on the shoulder adrian glanced leisurely behind do you want to try my nerves my dear fellow i'm not a man of fashion happily or you would have struck the seat of them how are you that was his welcome to austin went worth after his long absence austin took his arm and asked for news with the hunger of one who had been in the wilderness five years the wigs have given up the ghost my dear austin the free britain is to receive liberties pearl the ballot the aristocracy has had a cycle's notice to quit the monarchy and old medir are going out demos and cape wines are coming in they call it reform so you see your absence has worked wonders depart for another five years and you will return to ruin stomachs cracked sconces general upset inequality made perfect by universal prostration austin indulged him in a laugh i want to hear about ourselves how is old ricky you know of his what do they call it when green horns are licensed to jump into the milkpales of dairy maids a very charming little woman she makes by the way presentable quite old and acryans rose and milk well everybody thought the system must die of it not a bit it continued to flourish in spite it's in a consumption now the emaciated lean raw spectral i this morning escaped from random to avoid the sight of it i have brought our genial uncle hippiest to town a delightful companion i said to him we've had a fine spring uh he answers there's a time when you come to think the spring old you should have heard how he trained out the old i felt something like decay in my sap just to hear him in the prize fight of life my dear austin our uncle hippiest has been unfairly hit below the belt let's guard ourselves there and go and order dinner but where's ricky now and what is he doing said austin ask what he has done the miraculous boy has gone and got a baby a child richard has won austin's clear eyes shown with pleasure i suppose it's not common among your tropical savages he has won one as big as two that has been the death blow to the system it bore the marriage the baby was too much port could it swallow the baby to live she the wonderful woman has produced a large boy i assure you it's quite amusing to see the system opening its mouth every hour of the day trying to go up and down aware that it would be a consummate cure or a hasty release by degrees austin learned the baronets proceedings and smiled sadly how has ricky turned out he asked what sort of a character has he the poor boy is ruined by his excessive anxiety about it character he has the character of a bullet with a treble charge of powder behind it enthusiasm is the powder that boy could get up and enthusiasm for the maiden days of ops he was going to reform the world after your fashion austin you have something to answer for unfortunately he began with the feminine side of it pubid proud of febus newly slain or pluto wishing to people his kingdom if you like put it into the soft head of one of the gallus grateful creatures to kiss him for his good work oh horror he never expected that conceive the system in the flesh and you have our richard the consequences that this male perry refuses to enter his paradise though the gates are open for him the trumpets blow and the fair unspotted one awaits him fruitful within we heard of him last that he was trying the german waters preparatory to his undertaking the release of italy from the subjugation of the to town let's hope they'll wash him he is in the company of lady judith fell your old friend the ardent female radical who married the decrepit to carry out her principles they always marry english lords or foreign princes i admire their tactics judith is bad for him in such a state i like her but she was always too sentimental said austin sentiment made her marry the old lord i suppose i like her for her sentiment austin sentimental people are sure to live long and die fat feeding that's the slayer cuz sentiment is the cojolary of existence the soft bloom which whoso weareth he or she is enviable with that i had more you're not much changed adrian i'm not a radical austin further inquiries responded to in adrian's figurative speech instructed austin that the baronet was waiting for his son in a posture of statuesque offended paternity before he would receive his daughter-in-law and grandson that was what adrian meant by the efforts of the system to swallow the baby we're in a tangle said the wise youth time will extricate us i presume or what is the vulnerable senior good for austin used some minutes and asked for lucy's place of residence we'll go to her by and by said adrian i shall go and see her now said austin but we'll go and order the dinner first cuz give me her address really austin you carry matters with two longer beard adrian objected don't you care what you eat he roared hoarsely looking humorously hurt i dare say not a slice out of him that's handy sauce du ciel go baton on the baby cannibal dinner at seven adrian gave him his own address and lucy's and strolled off to do the better thing overnight mrs berry had observed a long stranger in her teacup posting him on her fingers and starting him with a snack he had vaulted lightly and thereby indicated that he was positively coming the next day she forgot him in the bus lover duties and the absorption of her faculties and thoughts of the incomparable stranger lucy had presented to the world till a knock at the street door reminded her there he is she cried as she ran to open to him there's my stranger come never was a woman's faith in omens so justified the stranger desired to see mrs richard feverell he said his name was mr austin went worth mrs berry clasp her hands exclaiming come at last and ran bolt out of the house to look up and down the street presently she returned with many excuses for her rudeness saying i expected to see her coming home mr went worth every day twice a day she go out to give her blessed angel and airing no leave in the child with nurse maids for her she is a mother and good milk to thank the lord though her hearts so low indoors mrs berry stated who she was related to history of the young couple and her participation in it and admired the beard although i'd swear you don't wear it for ornament now she said having in the first impulse design a stroke at man's vanity ultimately mrs berry spoke of the family complication and with dejected head and joined hands throughout dark hints about richard while austin was giving his cheerful views of the case lucy came in preceding the baby i'm austin went worth he said taking her hand they read each other's faces these two and smiled kinship your name is lucy she affirmed it softly and mine is austin as you know mrs berry allowed time for lucy's charms to subdue him and present a richards representative who's seeing a new face suffered himself to be contemplated before he commenced crying aloud and knocking at the doors of nature for something that was due to him ain't he a lusty darlin says mrs berry ain't he like his own father there can't be no doubt about zoo zoo pity pet look at his fists ain't he got passion ain't he a splendid roar oh and she went off rapturously into baby language a fine boy suddenly mrs berry exhibited his legs for further proof desiring austin's confirmation as to their being dumplings lucy murmured a word of excuse and bore the splendid roar out of the room she might have done it here said mrs berry there's no prettier sight i'd say if her dear husband could but see that he's often is heroic see want to be doing all sorts of things i say he'll never do anything grander than that baby you should have seen her uncle over that baby he came here for i said you shall see your own family my dear and so she thinks he come and he laughed over that baby in the joy of his heart poor man he cried he did you should see that mr thompson mr went worth a friend of mr riches and a very modest minded young gentleman he worships her in his innocence it's a sight to see him with that baby i believe his season happy because he can't anyways be nurse made to him oh mr went worth what do you think of her sir austin's reply was as satisfactory as a man's poor speech could make it he heard that lady fervor was in the house and mrs berry prepared the way for him to pay his respects to her the mrs berry ran to lucy and the house buzzed with new life the simple creatures felt in austin's presence something good among them he don't speak much said mrs berry but i see by his eye he mean a deal he ain't one of your long word gentry who's all gay deceivers every one of them lucy pressed the hearty suckling into her breast i wonder what he thinks of me mrs berry i could not speak to him i loved him before i saw him i knew what his face was like he looks proper even with a beard and that's a trial for a virtuous man said mrs berry one sees straight through the hair with him think he'll think what any man would think you a second spite all your sorrow my sweet and my berry talking of his roman matrons here's a english wife will match them all that's what he thinks and now that little dark under your aisle clear my darlin now he's come mrs berry looked to know more than that lucy to know more than the peace she had in being near richards best friend when she sat down to tea it was with a sense that the little room that held her was her home perhaps for many a day a chop procured and cooked back mrs berry formed austin's dinner during the meal he entertained them with anecdotes of his travels poor lucy had no temptation to try to conquer austin that heroic weakness of hers was gone mrs berry had said three cups i goes no further and lucy had rejected the proffer of more tea when austin who was in the thick of a brazilian forest asked her if she was a good traveler i mean can you start at a minute's notice lucy hesitated and then said yes decisively to which mrs berry added that she was not a luggage woman there used to be a train at seven o'clock austin remarked consulting his watch the two women were silent could you get ready to come with me to reign him in ten minutes austin looked as if he had asked the commonplace question lucy's lips parted to speak she could not answer loud rattle the teaboard to mrs berry's dropping hands joy and deliverance she exclaimed with a foundering voice will you come austin kindly asked again lucy tried to stop her beating heart as she answered yes mrs berry cunningly pretended to interpret the irresolution in her tones with a mighty whisper she's thinking what's to be done with baby he must learn to travel said austin oh cried mrs berry and i'll be his nurse and bear him a sweet oh and think of it me nurse made once more at random abbey but it's nursewoman now you must say let us be going on the spot she started up and away in hot haste fearing delay would cool the heaven sent resolve austin smiled eyeing his watch and lucy ultimately she was wishing to ask a multitude of questions his face reassured her and saying i will be dressed instantly she also left the room talking busting preparing wrapping up my lord and looking to their neatnesses they were nevertheless ready within the time prescribed by austin and mrs berry stood humming over the baby he'll sleep it through she said he's had enough for an alderman and goes to sleep sound after his dinner he'd do a duck before they departed lucy ran up to lady feverell she returned for the small one one moment mr went worth just two said austin master richard was taken up and when lucy came back her eyes were full of tears she thinks she is never to see him again mr went worth she shall austin said simply off they went and with austin near her lucy forgot to dwell at all upon the great act of courage she was performing i do hope maybe will not wake was her chief solicitude he cries nursewoman berry from the rear his little tum tums as tight as he can hold a pet a lamb a bird a beauty in ye may take your oath he never wakes till that slack he got character in his own a blessing there are some tremendous citadels that only want to be taken by storm the baronet sat alone in his library secure of resistance and rejoicing in the pride of no surrender a terror to his friends and to himself hearing austin's name sonorously pronounced by the man of calves he looked up from his book and held out his hand glad to see you austin his appearance butoken complete security the next minute he found himself escalated it was acquired from mrs berry that told him others were in the room besides austin lucy stood a little behind the lamp mrs berry close to the door the door was half open and passing through it might be seen the petrified figure of a fine man the baronet glancing over the lamp rose at mrs berry's signification of a woman's personality austin stepped back and led lucy to him by the hand i brought richard's wife sir he said with a pleased perfectly uncalculating countenance that was disarming very pale and trembling lucy bowed she felt her two hands taken and heard a kind voice could it be possible it belonged to the dreadful father of her husband she lifted her eyes nervously her hands were still detained the baronet contemplated richard's choice had he ever had a rivalry with those pure eyes he saw the pain of her position shooting across her brows another gentle inquiries as to her health placed her in a seat mrs berry had already fallen into a chair what aspect do you like for your bedroom east said the baronet lucy was asking herself wonderingly am i to stay perhaps you had better take to richard's room at once he pursued you have the lowborn valley bear and a good morning air and will feel more at home lucy's collar mounted mrs berry gave a short cough as one who should say the day is ours undoubtedly strange as it was to think it the fortress was carried lucy is rather tired said austin and to hear her christian name thus bravely spoken brought grateful due to her eyes the baronet was about to touch the bell but have you come alone he asked at this mrs berry came forward not immediately it seemed to require effort for her to move and when she was within the region of the lamp her agitation could not escape notice the blissful bundle shook in her arms by the way what is he to me austin inquired generally as he went and unveiled the younger hope of random my relationship is not so defined as yours sir an observer might have supposed that the baronet peeped at his grandson with a courteous indifference of one who merely wished to compliment the mother of anybody's child i really think he's like richard austin laughed lucy looked i'm sure he is as like as one to one mrs berry murmured grand papa not speaking she thought it incumbent on her to pluck up and he is as healthy as his father was sir austin spider the might of beings regular as the clock we never want a clock since he come we know is the hour of the day and of the night you nurse him yourself of course the baronet spoke to lucy and was satisfied on that point mrs berry was going to display his prodigious legs lucy fearing the consequent effect on the prodigious lungs begged her not to wake him to take a deal to do that so mrs berry and harped on master richard's health and the small wonder it was that he enjoyed it considering the superior quality of his diet and the lavish attentions of his mother and then suddenly fell silent on a deep sigh he looks healthy said the baronet but i'm not a judge of babies thus having capitulated ranum chose to acknowledge its new commandant who was now born away under the directions of the housekeeper to occupy the room richard has stepped in when and infant austin casno thought on his success the baronet said she's extremely well-looking he replied a person you take two at once there it ended but a much more animated colloquy was taking place aloft where lucy and mrs berry sat alone lucy expected her to talk about the reception they met with and the house and the peculiarities of the rooms and the solid happiness that seemed in store mrs berry all the while would persist in consulting the looking glass her first distinct answer was my dear tell me candid how do i look very nice indeed mrs berry but could you have believed he would be so kind so consider it i'm sure i looked at from return mrs berry oh dear two birds at a shot what do you think now i never saw so wonderful alightness says lucy likeness look at me mrs berry was trembling and hot in the palms you're very feverish dear berry what can it be ain't it like the love flutters of a young gal my dear go to bed berry dear says lucy pouting in her soft caressing way i will address you and see to you dear heart you've had so much excitement aha berry laughed hysterically she thinks it's about this business of hers why it's child's play my darling but i didn't look for a tragedy tonight sleep in this house i can't my love lucy was astonished not sleep here mrs berry oh why you silly old thing i know do you said mrs berry with a skeptical nose you're afraid of ghosts but like i am when they're six foot two in their shoes and bellows when you stick a pin into their calves i seen my berry your husband large as life lucy meditated on optical delusions but mrs berry described him as the colossus who had marched them into the library and vowed that he had recognized her in quake time ain't aged him said mrs berry whereas me he've got his excuse now i know i look up from lucy kister you look the nicest dearest old thing you may say an old thing my dear and your husband is really here berries below profoundly uttered as this was it chased every vestige of incredulity what will you do mrs berry go my dear leave him to be happy in his own way it's over between us i see that when i entered the house i felt there was something coming over me and lo and behold ye no sooner was we in the hall passage if it hadn't been for that blessed infant i should have dropped i must have known his step where my heart began thumping and i knew i hadn't got my hair straight that mr wentworth was in such a hurry nor my best gown i knew he'd scorn me he hates frumps scorn you quite lucy angley he who has behaved so wickedly mrs berry attempted to rise i may as well go at once she whimpered if i see him i shall only be this grace of myself i feel it all on my side already did you mark him my dear i know i was vexing to him at times i was those big men are so touchy about their dignity natural harking me i'm going all soft in a minute let me leave the house my dear i dare say it was good half my fault young women don't understand men's sufficient not all together and i was a young woman then and then what they goes and does they ain't quite answerable for they feels i dare say pushed from behind yes i'll go i'm a front i'll go taint in nature for me to sleep in the same house lucy later hands on mrs berry's shoulders and forcibly fixed her inner seat leave baby naughty woman i tell you he shall come to you and fall on his knees to you and beg your forgiveness bury on his knees yes and he shall beg and pray you to forgive him if you get more from martin berry then breath away words great will be my wonder said mrs berry we will see said lucy thoroughly determined to do something for the good creature that had befriended her mrs berry examined her gown won't it seem we're running after him she murmured faintly he is your husband mrs berry he may be wanting to come to you now oh where is all i was going to say to that man when we met mrs berry ejaculated lucy had left the room on the landing outside the door lucy met a lady dressed in black lucy stopped her and asked if she was richard's wife and kissed her passing from her immediately lucy dispatched the message for austin and related the berry history austin sent for the great man and said do you know your wife is here before berry had time to draw himself up to enunciate his longest he was requested to step upstairs and ask his young mistress that once led the way berry could not refuse to put his legs in motion and carry the stately edifice aloft of the interview mrs berry gave lucy a slight sketch that night he began in the old way my dear and says i a true heart in plain words martin berry so there he cuts himself and his johnson shorting down he goes down on his knees i never could have believed that i kept my dignity as a woman till i see that slight but that down for me i was a ripe apple in his arms for i knew where i was there's something about a fine man on his knees that's too much for us women and it really was the penitent on his two knees not the lover on his one if he mean it but ah what do you think he begs of me my dear not to make it known in the house just yet i can't i can't say that look well lucy attributed it to his sense of shame at his conduct and mrs berry did her best to look on it in that light did that burn it kissy when you wished him good night he she asked lucy said he had not then by the wake as long as you can was mrs berry's rejoinder and now let us pray blessings on that simple speaking gentleman who does so much because he says so little like many other natural people mrs berry was only silly where her own soft heart was concerned as she secretly anticipated the bear net came into a room when all was quiet she saw him go and bend over richard the second and remain earnestly watching him he then went to the half open door of the room where lucy slept leaned his ear a moment knocked gently and entered mrs berry heard low words interchanging within she could not catch a syllable yet she would have sworn to the context he's called her his daughter promised her happiness and given the father's kiss to her when sir austin passed out she was in a deep sleep end of chapter 41 chapter 42 of the ordeal of richard feverell this is liber box recording all liber box recordings are in the public domain for more information or to volunteer please visit liber box dot org the ordeal of richard feverell by george meredith chapter 42 briarius redding angrily over the sea what is that vaporist titan and hesper said in his rosy garland why looks he so implacably sweet it is that one has left that bright home to go forth and do cloudy work and he has got a stain with which he dare not return far in the west fair lucy beckons him to come ah heaven if you might how strong and fierce the temptation is how subtle the sleepless desire it drugs his reason his honor for he loves her she is still the first and only woman to him otherwise would this black spot be held to him otherwise would his limbs be chained while her arms are spread open to him and if he loves her why then what is one fall in the pit or a thousand is not love the password to that beckoning bliss so may we say but here is one whose body has been made a temple to him and it is desecrated a temple and desecrated for what is it fit for but for a dance of devils his education has thus wrought him to think he can blame nothing but his own baseness but to feel base and accept the bliss that beckons he has not fallen so low as that happy english home sweet wife what mad miserable wisp of the fancy led him away from you high in his conceit poor rich that thought to be he of the hundred hands in war against the absolute gods jove whispered a light commission to the laughing dame she met him and how did he shake olympus with laughter sure it were better to be a resty's the fury's howling in his ears than one called to by a heavenly soul from whom he is forever outcast he is not the oblivion of madness clothed in the lights of his first passion robed in the splendor of old skies she meets him everywhere morning evening night she shines above him way lays him suddenly in force depths drops palpably on his heart at moments he forgets he rushes to embrace her calls her his beloved and low her innocent kiss brings agony of shame to his face daily the struggle endured his father wrote to him begging him by the love he had for him to return from that hour richard burnt unread all the letters he received he knew too well how easily he could persuade himself words from without might tempt him and quite extinguish the spark of honorable feeling that tortured him and that he clung to in desperate self vindication to arrest young gentlemen on the downward slope is both a dangerous and thankless office it is nevertheless one that fair women greatly prize and certain of them professionally follow lady judith as far as her sex would permit was also of the titans in their battle against the absolute gods for which purpose mark you she had married a lord incapable in all save his acres her achievements she kept to her own mind she did not look happy over them she met richard accidentally in paris she saw his state she let him learn that she alone on earth understood him the consequence was that he was forthwith enrolled in her train it soothed him to be near a woman did she venture her guess as to the cause of his conduct she blotted it out with a facility women have and cast on it a melancholy hue he was taught to participate in she spoke of sorrows personal sorrows much as he might speak of his vaguely and with self-blame and she understood him how the dark and fathomed wealth within us gleams to a woman's eye we're at compound interest immediately so much richer than we knew almost as rich as we dreamed but then the instant we are away from her we find ourselves bankrupt beggard how is that we do not ask we hurry to her and bask hungrily in her orbs the eye must be feminine to be thus creative i cannot say why lady judith understood richard and he feeling infinitely vile somehow held to her more feverishly as one who dreaded the worst in missing her the spirit must rest he was weak with what he suffered austin found them among the hills of nasa in rhineland titans male and female who would not displace jove and were now adrift prone on floods of sentiment the blue flocked peasant swinging behind his oxen of a morning the gay lead kerchiefed fruit woman the jackass driver even the doctor of those regions have done more for their fellows horrible reflection lady judith is serene above it but it frets at richard when he is out of her shadow often wretchedly he watches the young man of his own age trooping to their work not cloudwork theirs work solid unambitious fruitful lady judith had a nobler in prospect for the hero he gaped blindfolded for anything and she gave him the map of europe in tatters he swallowed it comfortably it was an intoxicating cordial himself on horseback overriding wrecks of empires well might common sense cower with the meaner animals at the picture tacitly they agreed to recast the civilized globe the quality of vapor is to melt and shape itself anew but it is never the quality of vapor to re assume the same shapes bryarius of the hundred unoccupied hands may turn to a monstrous donkey with his hind legs aloft or 20 000 jabbering apes the phantasmic groupings of the young brain are very like those we see in the skies and equally the sport of the wind lady judith blew there was plenty of vapor in him and it always revolved into some shape or other you that mark those clouds of even tide and no youth well see the similitude it will not be strange it will barely seem foolish to you that a young man of richards age richards education and position should be in this wild state had he not been nursed to believe he was born for great things did she not say she was sure of it and to feel base yet born for better is enough to make one grasp at anything cloudy suppose the hero with a game leg how intense is his faith to quacks with what a passion of longing is he not seized to break somebody's head they spoke of italy in low voices the time will come said she and i shall be ready said he what rank was he to take in the liberating army captain colonel general in chief or simple private here as became him he was much more positive and specific than she was simple private he said yet he save himself care calling on horseback private in the cavalry then of course private in the cavalry overriding wrecks of empires she looked forth under her brows with mournful indistinctness at that object in the distance they read petrarch to get up the necessary fires italy amia vain indeed was this speaking to those thick and mortal wounds in her fair body but their sighs went with the tiber the arno and the poe and their hands joined who has not wept for italy i see the aspirations of a world arise for her thick and frequent as the puffs of smoke from cigars of panonian centuries so when austin came richard said he could not leave lady judith lady judith said she could not part with him for his sake mind this richard verified perhaps he had reason to be grateful the high road of folly may have led him from one that terminates worse he is foolish god knows but for my part i will not laugh at the hero because he has not got his occasion meet him when he is as it were anointed by his occasion and he is no laughing matter richard felt his safety in this which to please the world we must term folly exhalation of vapors was a wholesome process to him and somebody who gave them shape and hue of beneficent iris he told austin plainly he could not leave her and did not anticipate the day when he could why can't you go to your wife richard for a reason you would be the first to approve austin he welcomed austin with every show of manly tenderness and sadness at heart austin he had always associated with his lucy and at hesperian palace of the west austin waited patiently lady judith's old lord played on all the baths in nasa without evoking the tune of health with her so ever he listed she changed her abode so admired a wife was to be pardoned for espousing an old man she was an enthusiast even in her cannubial duties she had the browse of an enthusiast with occasion she might have been a charlotte corday so let her also be shielded from the ban of ridicule nonsense of enthusiast is very different from nonsense of ninies she was truly a high-minded person of that order who always do what they see to be right and always have confidence in their optics she was not unworthy of a young man's admiration if she was unfit to be his guide she resumed her ancient intimacy with austin easily while she preserved her new footing with richard she and austin were not unlike only austin never dreamed and had not married an old lord the three were walking on the bridge at limburg on the lawn where the shadow of a stone bishop is thrown by moonlight on the water brawling over slabs of slate a woman passed them bearing in her arms a baby whose mighty size drew their attention what a whopper richard laughed well that is a fine fellow said austin but i don't think he's much bigger than your boy he'll do for a 19th century arminius richard was saying then he looked at austin what was that you said lady judith asked of austin what have i said that deserves to be repeated austin counter queried quite innocently richard has a son you didn't know it his modesty goes very far said lady judith sweeping the shadow of a curtsy to richard's paternity richard's heart throbbed with violence he looked again in austin's face austin took it so much as a matter of course that he said nothing more on the subject well remember lady judith when the two men were alone richard said in a quick voice austin you were an earnest you didn't know it richard no why they all wrote to you lucy wrote to you your father your aunt i believe adrian wrote too i tore up their letters said richard he's a noble fellow i can tell you you've nothing to be ashamed of it'll soon be coming to ask about you i made sure you knew no i never knew richard walked away and then said what is he like well he really is like you but he has his mother's eyes and she's yes i think the child has kept her well they're both at random both hence fantastic vapors what are you to this where are the dreams of the hero when he learns he has a child nature is taking him to her bosom she will speak presently every domesticated bore and these hills can boast the same yet marvels the hero at none of his visioned prodigies as he does when he comes to hear of this most common performance a father richard fixed his eyes as if you were trying to make out the lineaments of his child telling austin he would be back in a few minutes he sallied into the air and walked on and on a father he kept repeating to himself a child and though he knew it not he was striking the keynotes of nature but he did know of a singular harmony that suddenly burst over his whole being the moon was surpassingly bright the summer air heavy and still he left the high road and pierced into the forest his walk was rapid the leaves on the trees brushed his cheeks the dead leaves heaped in the dels noise to his feet something of a religious joy a strange sacred pleasure was in him by degrees at war he remembered himself and now he was possessed by a proportionate anguish a father he dared never see his child and he had no longer his fantasies to fall upon he was utterly bare to his sin in his troubled mind it seemed to him that claire looked down on him claire who saw him as he was and that to her eyes it would be infamy for him to go and print his kiss upon his child then came stern efforts to command his misery and make the nerves of his face iron by the log of an ancient tree half buried in dead leaves of past summers beside a brook he halted as one who had reached his journey's end then he discovered he had a companion in lady judith's little dog he gave the friendly animal a pat of recognition and both were silent in the forest silence it was impossible for richard to return his heart was surcharged he must advance and on he footed the little dog following an oppressive slumber hung about the forest branches in the dels and on the heights was the same dead heat here where the brook tinkled it was no cool lip sound but metallic and without the spirit of water yonder in a space of moonlight on lush grass the beams were as white fire to sight and feeling no haze spread around the valleys were clear defined to the shadows of their verges the distances sharply distinct and with the colors of day but slightly softened richard beheld a row moving across a slope of swarred far out of rifle mark the breathless silence was significant yet the moon shone in a broad blue heaven tongue out of mouth trotted the little dog after him crouched panting when he stopped an instant rose weirdly when he started afresh now and then a large white night moth flitted through the dusk of the forest on a barren corner of the wooded highland looking inland stood gray topless ruins set in nettles and rank grass blades richard mechanically sat down on the crumbling flints to rest and listen to the panting of the dog sprinkle at his feet were emerald lights hundreds of glow worms studded the dark dry ground he sat and eyed them thinking not at all his energies were expended in action he sat as a part of the ruins and the moon turned his shadow westward from the south overhead as she declined long ripples of silver cloud were imperceptibly stealing toward her they were the van of a tempest he did not observe them or the leaves beginning to chatter when he again pursued his course with his face to the Rhine a huge mountain appeared to rise sheer over him and he had it in his mind to scale it he got no nearer to the base of it for all his vigorous outstepping the ground began to dip he lost sight of the sky then heavy thunderedrops streak his cheek the leaves were singing the earth breathed it was black before him and behind all at once the thunder spoke the mountain he had marked was bursting over him up startled the whole forest in violet fire he saw the country at the foot of the hills to the bounding Rhine gleam quiver extinguished then there were pauses and the lightning seemed as the eye of heaven and the thunder as the tongue of heaven each alternately addressing him filling him with awful rapture alone there sole human creature among the grand jurors and mysteries of storm he felt the representative of his kind and his spirit rose and marched and exalted let it be glory let it be ruin lower down the lightened abysses of air rolled the wrathful crash then white thrusts of light were darted from the sky and great curving ferns seen steadfast in pallor a second were supernaturally agitated and vanished then a shrill song roused in the leaves in the herbage prolonged and louder it sounded as deeper and heavier the deluge pressed a mighty force of water satisfied the desire of the earth even in this drenched as he was by the first outpouring richard had a savage pleasure keeping in motion he was scarcely conscious of the wet and the grateful breath of the weeds was refreshing suddenly he stopped short lifting a curious nostril he fancied he smelt meadow sweet he had never seen the flower in rhineland never thought of it and it would hardly be met within a forest he was sure he smelled it fresh and dues his little companion wagged a miserable wet tail some way in advance he went on slowly thinking indistinctly after two or three steps he stooped and stretched out his hand to feel for the flower having he knew not why a strong wish to verify its growth there groping about his hand encountered something warm that started at his touch and he with the instinct we have seized it and lifted it to look at it the creature was very small evidently quite young richard's eyes now accustomed to the darkness were able to discern it for what it was a tiny leveret and he supposed that the dog had probably frightened its dam just before he found it he put the little thing on one hand in his breast and stepped out rapidly as before the rain was now steady from every tree a fountain poured so cool and easy had his mind become that he was speculating on what kind of shelter the birds could find and how the butterflies and moths saved their colored wings from washing folded close they might hang under a leaf he thought lovingly he looked into the dripping darkness of the coverts on each side as one of their children he was next musing on a strange sensation he experienced he ran up one arm with an indescribable thrill but communicated nothing to his heart it was purely physical ceased for a time and recommend till he added all through his blood wonderfully thrilling he grew aware that the little thing he carried in his breast was licking his hand there the small rough tongue going over and over the palm of his hand produced the strange sensation he felt now that he knew the cause the marvel ended but now that he knew the cause his heart was touched and made more of it the gentle scraping continued without intermission as on he walked what did it say to him human tongue could not have said so much just then a pale gray light on the skirts of the flying tempest displayed the dawn richard was walking hurriedly the green drenched weeds lay all about in his path bent thick and the forest drooped glimmeringly impelled as a man who feels a revelation mounting obscurely to his brain richard was passing one of those little forest chapels hung with votive wreaths where the peasant halts to kneel and pray cold still in the twilight it stood raindrops pattering around it he looked within and saw the virgin holding her child he moved by but not many steps had he gone ear his strength went out of him and he shuttered what was it he asked not he was in other hands vivid as lightning the spirit of life illumined him he felt in his heart the cry of his child his darlings touch with shut eyes he saw them both they drew him from the depths they led him a blind and tottering man and as they led him he had a sense of purification so sweet he shuttered again and again when he looked out from his trance on the breathing world the small birds hopped and chirped warm fresh sunlight was over all the hills he was on the edge of the forest entering a plane clothed with bright corn under a spacious morning sky end of chapter 42