 If you want a man to love you and commit to you and want to be with you forever, there's one thing that you absolutely need. We've talked about this many times before on this channel, and that one thing is called investment. He has to invest in you emotionally, mentally, physically, and from an energy standpoint. The more that he invests in you, the more that he will feel like he wants to be with you for a longer period of time. The more that he will start to justify backwards rationalize in his mind that he's doing it for all the right reasons. So men naturally want to chase women. They want to pursue women. They want to be with women. They want to make women happy. They want to give their everything to women. And so today, what we're going to be talking about is my secret four step formula to getting a guy to chase you and what that looks like. And here we go. So my name is Matthew Coast, and this is Commitment Connection. If this is your first time to our channel, make sure that you hit the subscribe button so that you don't miss anything that we've got going on here. So welcome everybody. If you're here with us, make sure that you say hi. I love it when people say hi, and I really appreciate it. So the four steps, let's talk about the four steps to making a guy chase you. And so we've already talked about why it's important. If you want a long term committed relationship, it's absolutely important. And so there's some myths out there about some of these different things that we're going to be talking about the first step to having a guy chase you is showing interest. And there's a big myth out there about this idea of showing interest, and it's that you shouldn't, right? That men think that showing interest makes you look like you're needy, or it makes you look like you're too easy, or there's all kinds of bad ideas out there about showing interest. Men love when a woman shows them interest, right? Men love all the same things that women like. Men love compliments, men love, you know, okay, well, not all the same things, but many of the same things, right? The same ideas. Men like to be, like to feel like they're attractive. They like to be thought of as somebody that's interesting and is physically and romantically attractive to you. And so if you want him to chase you, if you want him to pursue you, if you want him to invest in you, he has to feel like you're interested in him. And now there's a big difference between the idea of showing interest and kind of being desperate and clingy and needy, which is the problem that a lot of women want. One of the reasons why a lot of women don't show interest is because a lot of times in the dating advice world, we come and we talk to women and they're coming from this space of needing this, this space of cleanness, this space of kind of, I like to call it grasping, right? Like they try to grasp onto a guy and they're like, oh, I love you. And it feels really gross to them, right? It's like when you have a guy that you're not interested come up and say weird things or stare at you or something like that. And you're like, oh, my God, this guy is so creepy, right? It's the same thing that's going on with guys, right? They, they have kind of a similar thing that happens when a woman kind of tries to like cling on to them. Well, that's not what we're doing here. We're showing interest. And the big difference between clinginess, desperation and interest is that interest in a way where a woman is coming from a space of high value when she feels like she's a high value worthy deserving woman. When she feels that way, it's not like she has to get some kind of reaction, right? So sometimes we get women in our community and they'll come on and they'll be like, oh, how do I show this woman or this guy that I'm interested in him without coming off as clean and needy and, you know, pushing him away? And the way that you do it is by not having an expectation around it. One of the biggest problems that a lot of women have is that they come to this idea of showing interest and they expect that something's going to happen, right? If they show interest, if they say, I love you or I'm really interested in you or I'm so, you know, attracted to you or whatever. They expect that the guy's going to do something that they want him to do. And if he doesn't do that thing, all of a sudden they're devastated by the whole thing. Well, one of the things that you have to realize is that sometimes guys aren't going to do what you want them to do. I know, shocking, right? Anyone here been in a situation where a guy didn't do what they wanted him to do? I'm sure every single person here can raise their hand for that. And so, coming from a high value place, you're not expecting anything to happen, right? If you show interest, you're not expecting him to have to show interest or do something or say something specific for you when you show that interest. And usually one of the things that women that are really attractive to men that really get men, one of the things that they know is that there's kind of this long term thing that's going on there, right? You can say something that you can show interest in a guy and not have to have an immediate reaction because you know that you're planning a seed there, right? And so, anyway, moving it back to this Chase idea, he's only going to chase you if he knows that you're interested in him. And so, if he doesn't think that you're interested in him, he's not going to do it because he doesn't want to end up. And I'm talking about romantic sexual interest, right? Not friendship interest. A lot of times women will be like, oh, well, I told him, you know, I really want to be his friend. Well, that's not what guys are looking for right here, right? They're driven biologically. Men are driven by their sexual desire, right? So they see a woman and it's almost like this hunter thing, right? And there's been a lot of shame around this recently, especially in the United States, but all over the Western world. There's been a lot of shame and shaming of men for having kind of this hunter attitude, but it's a part of us, right? Men biologically, we see women and we have this kind of sexual romantic desire that comes up in us. And it drives us forward. It makes us do sometimes really great things, sometimes really stupid things. It just kind of depends on the guy and what's going on. I mean, we talk to any guy, we've all done stupid things because of this kind of desire and sexual romantic interest that we end up having for women. But what it does is it makes a guy move forward, right? And that's the important part is it drives him. It drives him. It inspires him to do things and it inspires him to do things for you, right? And sometimes you might have a situation where a guy comes on really strong. I've heard about this a lot in our community where they're like, oh, this guy came on really, really strong and then he all of a sudden disappeared. Well, it's that part there where, you know, you don't want him to come on that strong because if he does that, usually there's like this period of like, what was I even thinking, right? That comes up. But if you want him to have some of that, because that's that driver. That's that thing that you feel where he's just like, you know, I'm going after what I want. I want to take it and I'm just so interested and there's this romantic interest and it's like this fiery, passionate, just thing that's going on. And it's just, it's beautiful. It's magical. It's amazing. And so you have to show him some interest, some romantic sexual interest. And we've talked about that in some other videos. I'm going to be doing a live stream here pretty soon on different ways to show romantic sexual interest. We don't really have time for that right now. However, that's something that you absolutely need to do in this process. And so let's talk about number two. What's number two here? Number two is giving him different ways to chase and pursue you. So you know, one of the things that is always been really, really interesting to me when I've been working with women in our community is that a lot of times women will think, Oh, he knows what he's, you know, these men know what they're supposed to be doing and how they're supposed to be reacting and they're supposed to pick up on these signs and signals that I that I give him. And then, you know, when I give him this sign or signal, it's supposed to make him do this one thing. It almost never works that way. Unless you get a guy that's like a super player, right, who like is is really doing this all the time, right? He's going out and approaching women all the time and talking to women all the time and romantically seducing women all the time. Unless you get a guy like that, most guys have no idea what they're doing. They have no clue whatsoever, especially in this day and age, you know, we have a lot of guys that were raised without father. Figures at all. And so they just don't have any idea what's going on. And so the best way to come at this is to give him ways to chase you because like I said before, men have this biological urge and they want to do this. They want men. We want to pursue women. And so if you give him ways to pursue you, it'll make it much, much more likely that he'll be driven to go and do these things. So I'm just going to say hi to everybody that's watching right now. Hello, Kali girl. Hello. Hello, hello. Met Monk. Such a fun name. Okay, so hi, Nikki from South Africa. That's cool. Hello, Yolanda from Kali. So hello, hello, hello. Welcome, welcome, welcome. If you have questions, put your questions in the chat and we will talk about. Some of these questions at the end of this live stream. So if you have questions, throw it in there and we'll chat about it. Okay, so, so let's talk about ways to get him to chase you. Right. So what does this even mean? Right. You want him to chase you and you're giving him, you're kind of like giving, you're showing him a path. Right. It's like a great analogy I think is there. So it's kind of like this bunny analogy. There's always kind of these like rabbit analogies, like, like follow the white rabbit, you know, that comes from what was that Alice in Wonderland. Or there's like, there's, there's a game out there that's played. It's a running game. I used to be a runner and I would go and do these runs with people. And there's a bunch of, there's a bunch of like runners that are also alcoholics. I don't know if you know about this, but there's these runners that go out and they have this. And they have this person that it's like a big group of drinking drinkers, right? They all bring beers and stuff. And there's this person, they call that person the rabbit and that person will go running like five to 10 minutes before everybody else. And they usually have like this big bag of, of like baking powder or flour or something like that. And they'll just like drop white, like white, they'll just take some of the flour and just drop it on the ground, right? As they're running. And so it kind of like leaves these little trails for the people to follow when they're, they're coming and running, trying to figure out where they're supposed to be going while they're drinking their beers and run. This is a real thing, guys. I don't know if you've heard of this before, but people do this. I've actually done a couple of those and they're kind of fun back in the day. So anyway, what you're doing is you're giving him things to do, right? You're giving him the direction. You're saying, this is how you chase me, right? And so different ways to do that, right? So one of them is kind of this, it's kind of like a leaning back way, right? And one of the things that we talk about in on this channel a lot is this concept of leaning back. And we talk about femininity and we talk about all these things where you're just kind of leaning back and allowing men to kind of come and do these things. Well, sometimes you'll lean back and a man won't do anything, right? And some of the time it's because he doesn't know that he's supposed to be doing anything. And it also could be that you've been doing something so much that, and you've been kind of leaning forward and doing all the work and pursuing him and chasing him. And so all of a sudden he's, you know, you're leaning back and he's just like, what happened here, right? And he doesn't know really what to do. And he's like, well, maybe if I, and, you know, men get dating advice too. And so he might just be like, oh, well, maybe if I just don't do anything, she'll come back and start doing something. After a while he'll probably start to miss you and start to do something. But you can always give him some help, right? And the help is by giving him something to do. And so the first one that I'm going to talk about is this thing where you, it's an example. And it's also kind of a, like a metaphor or a bigger picture thing. So you're saying, I'm at X, come here and visit me, right? So if there's a guy and he's interested in you and you want him to pursue you and you've let him know that you're interested in him. And you're like, hey, I'm at this, come and visit me, right? Which the opposite, the leaning forward, the masculine energy thing would be for you to be like, hey, where are you? I'm going to come and visit you, right? Instead you want him to do that with you, right? Because that's creating that investment. He's coming to you. He's, he's being the masculine energy force. And that's what you want him to do because that will make him feel invested, which makes him backwards rationalized like what we talked about at the beginning of this video. And there's, so the second example that I'm going to give you. Oh wait, so the, so what we're talking about here for the first example is, it's, it's, you know, going back to the whole leaning back thing, right? You're giving him something to do and you're having him go do it. And you could do this with all, all kinds of different things, right? It's, it's, you know, dropping, it's dropping the flower and letting him know where you are. Like, hey, come and get me, right? The second one is I need help with something. Can you help me? Right? And I've talked about this before in videos and some of my programs. The whole thing about help is like men love to help women. And so if you ask him for help and it could be help for anything. I mean, it could be small, little things and it could be big, huge things, right? Depending on how well you know this guy, the, the better you know him, the better doing something that's bigger might help, right? Like an example of something bigger might be like, hey, come, you know, I really need help. I've, you know, need to put up some drawers or some shelves in my apartment or whatever, right? Like is, you know, and I really need a guy to come and help me because I, you know, have no idea what I'm doing, right? And saying something like that, if he has that ability and he can come and help do that. It's, it can be a really, really powerful thing. And guys that are attracted to you, he has to be attracted to you. If he's attracted to you and he sees that you need some help and he wants to be more involved with you, you're giving him an opening there, right? It's kind of this leaning back thing and inviting him in, right? You're inviting him to come. And so he comes over and he helps you with whatever it is that you need help with. Could be smaller things, you know, maybe it's an errand that you need to run or maybe you're trying to find some place or maybe, I mean, it could be anything, right? There's a scale of like something that's very, very small that you need help with and there's something where it's like really, really big where you need help with and it's better to start off really, really small and gradually move up to doing things that are a little bit bigger. One of the big mistakes that some of the women in our community make is that I'll give them things to do, right? And they'll like, you know, and all this stuff is meant to be kind of a process. It's not meant to do one after another, right? We're people, we have lives, we have conversations. If I give you, you know, 10 things to say to a guy, you probably shouldn't say all of them right after one another. I mean, you can sometimes, but it's like, you know, these things showing interest in a guy, for instance, right? Like sometimes people will go overboard. They're like, oh, well, I'm not used to showing any interest in a guy. And so all of a sudden they're like, oh my God, I'm so interested in you. You know, and the guy's like, whoa, what just happened, right? And it's a slow, gradual process, right? You're building things up. You're not doing everything immediately. You're showing a little interest here and then you're showing a little interest there. And we'll talk a little bit about this in number three. Is everybody getting this? Are you getting this? So hi from Uganda. Hi, hi, hi. Beautiful Canada. Love Canada. It's a beautiful place. So if you're getting it, just let me know that you're getting it in the comment section. We're going to move on to number three. So going back and just reiterating what we're talking about. Number one is showing interest. So you want to show interest. And we talked about the difference between desperation and cleanness or desperation, cleanliness and interest. Number two is giving him ways to chase you, which is basically leaning back and giving him an invitation. You know, it's the, the, the rabbit, the dropping, dropping a flower behind you. So number three is allowing him to make progress, right? So men want to win in three and four kind of go together. And I'll talk a little bit more about fours, a little bit more kind of technique based in, and how to do these things kind of together. So number three is allow him to make progress. Men want to win, right? If he feels like we talked about a little bit earlier, if he feels like he's not going to win with you, if he's not, if you're not interested, he feels like he's not going to get somewhere, right? If he feels like he's just going to end up in the friend zone from chasing you, which is what happens with a lot of guys. You know, there's women out there, by the way, if you don't know this, there's women out there who use men in this way, right? Who manipulate men and basically what they'll do is get guys to do lots of things for them, but never end up, you know, having it go anywhere. And they knew it wasn't going to go anywhere from the beginning, but they did it anyway because they like getting the attention and the validation and, you know, all the free things that men who are romantically interested in them will give them. And then, you know, what ends up happening is men end up getting bitter about it and they ruin it for a lot of other women. So don't be one of those women, right? Don't be one of those women, but allow him to make progress, right? So here's a few different ways to allow him to make progress. What does it mean? What does it mean to allow him to make progress? Number one is reward him, right? So when he does something that you like, reward him. And so what does a reward look like? It can be anything from small to bigger, right? And it depends on where you are in the relationship as to what kind of a reward that you give him. And like we talked about earlier with the other two things, you'll want to start off small and build it and build it and build it and build it. One of the things that a lot of women don't understand is the power of this like feminine emotion, right? So some women have done things where they've shown emotion to men and they've done it in a way that doesn't work. And then they think that men think that emotion equals drama or that men don't like emotion or that men are afraid of emotion or that men think that emotion is unattractive. Men only think that emotion is unattractive when that emotion is tied to something else, right? So if it's tied to like the big one that we keep talking about here is expectations, right? So if you express some kind of emotion and you're expecting that he's going to behave a certain way or do a certain thing because of that emotional expression that you have, right? That and then getting angry that he doesn't do it, that is what men consider drama. Men do not consider emotion in and of itself drama. Men find emotion and especially feminine emotion to be incredibly attractive, right? To be mesmerizing almost, to be like this mystery, this great mystery that they don't understand. But if you do it in the right way and you're doing it from the space of being feminine and connecting with your heart and having no expectations attached to it and just freely expressing, then it's very, very attractive to men. And sometimes it catches men off guard, right? Like you'll do emotional stuff and he's not used to it and he's like, whoa, you know, and he might not react the way that you think that he'd react, but inside his heart, he's feeling like, whoa, that was really, that was cool or interesting or crazy or I don't know what's going on here, right? There's like this air of mystery around it and it's incredibly attractive to men, right? And so one of the ways that you allow him to make progress is by emoting, right? By showing or expressing emotion and sometimes it's excitement, sometimes it's like joy, sometimes it's appreciation, right? Like these positive feminine emotional traits, you know, some of actually some of the traits that people would normally consider negative are actually also attractive to men. It's emotions in general, right? Like sadness or frustration, sometimes, different types of emotion, anger. It can be really attractive to a man if it's expressed in the right way. And so one of the ways that you reward him, going back to the rewards, hoping I'm not losing anybody here, going back to the rewards, just, you know, one stance, one type of reward here can just be the expression of emotion, just the expression of happiness, just the expression of warmth. Another one can be showing interest like we talked about before, right? Showing him like telling him that it's really attractive to you, that he did that, right? Like I talk about that in my, a lot in my Love Frames Toolkit program, which I talk about framing kind of the relationship and kind of rewarding him for doing things that you really like so that he starts doing them more and more. Well, one of the ways that you do that is by talking about how attractive it is, right? Saying that's really hot or that's really attractive. I think it's really attractive when you do that or like, oh my God, that was so hot that you just did that right now, right? Things like that. It's a reward. You're giving him a reward and he's like, oh, I'm, you know, she's attracted to me, which is what he wants to feel. He wants to feel like you're attracted to him. And so the next thing that I'm going to talk about in allowing him to make progress is giving him, and we kind of talked about this a little bit before, which is giving him more and more gradually, right? Like another reward is like a kiss on the cheek or like a hug or like, you know, a smaller physical reward is touching him or doing something for him, right? Or whatever, right? There's a bunch of different ways that you can do that, right? Giving him a gift of a reward for, you know, doing this thing where he's chasing and pursuing you. Does everybody understand that part? All right. And so another kind of technique around this is this kind of idea of like going forward and backwards, right? And it not always being kind of this, you know, upward slope of him making progress because that's not realistic, right? That's not realistic in anything in life. Like there's nothing really that you just always continually make progress. If you're working out at some point, you're going to hit plateaus. Sometimes you're going to go down. Sometimes you're going to go up, right? That's a normal thing. It's not bad. And I'm just kind of reiterating the thing that I was talking about a little bit earlier, which it's not bad to necessarily show negative emotions or to kind of pull back if he does something that you don't like or if, you know, there's something that's going on with you or whatever. It's not a negative thing to do that. All right. I think I beat a dead horse with that one. Is everybody understanding what I'm talking about here? All right. So if you understand, just say, yes, I understand. I appreciate the thumbs up there, Brandy. Appreciate that. Appreciate it. All right. So let's move on. So the first one, let's just recap real quick. Showing interest. Number two is giving him ways to chase you. And we talked about how to do that. Number three is allowing him to make progress in this chase, right? The more and more and more that he does, the more it'll become like an addiction for him, right? He'll start to feel like, oh my God, I want to win. I want that kind of feeling of dopamine and that feeling of like I'm investing and it feels really good and she loves it. And it's this thing and we're really bonding and connecting over it. Like you want him to feel that way and it feels really good for him. So step number four is something that a lot of women kind of miss out on. And I don't hear anybody talking about this in the industry at all. And it's this idea of attainability, right? A lot of people talk about being a high value woman and being, you know, having other things going on because there's a lot of, like we talked about earlier, there's a lot of like desperation and cleanness going on in our community. But there's also another side of things, right? Which is being attainable, being somebody that he can win, right? Somebody that he can have the relationship that he wants to have with you. If he doesn't feel like he can have that relationship with you, then he's probably going to quit at some point unless he's like ridiculously aggressive, which he probably isn't. So you want him to feel like he can win. So how do you do that? How do you show him that you're somebody that's attainable, that you're somebody that he can get eventually? Well, one of the things, and this kind of goes back to some of the other things that we talked about before, is becoming warmer and friendlier over time, right? There's kind of this like guy language out there, right? It's this language of sarcasm. And it's kind of this, for a lot of people it's fun, especially if you're from the East Coast of the United States. It's like this fun banter thing where you're kind of like, you know, talking crap about each other all the time. And that can be a fun thing. I don't think it's the best thing for relationships in general. However, you know, one of the things that you want to remember is that you need to kind of switch gears, right? At some point. If you're the kind of person that does that kind of teasing, kind of pulling back kind of thing, you know, kind of getting him to chase you all the time kind of thing. He has to feel like he's winning, right? And so the way that you do that is becoming friendlier over time as he continues to do this, as he continues to invest in you and spend time with you and put energy and emotion into you. You want to become warmer and friendlier. The next way to do it is to open up to him, right? To show vulnerabilities, to talk to him about deeper things, to open yourself up and allow yourself to be opened by him, right? And that's a very scary thing for a lot of people. And I totally understand, right? Because if you've been in the dating industry for very long, you've probably had your heart stepped on at least once or twice or a dozen times. And so you realize that it can be painful to open up sometimes. However, if you don't ever open up, you'll never end up getting that relationship that you always want to have. And if you're with a guy and he's a quality guy and you think he's really awesome and you want to have a relationship with him, you need to be willing to open up to him, doing it in the right way and connecting with him so that he can open up to you. So the next one that I want to talk about in showing him that you're attainable, this is attainability here, is pacing his interest. And this is a very, very important one and it's something that a lot of women kind of get wrong. And we kind of have it as a rule. It's a good kind of rule to follow in general, which is pacing his interest, right? So when he's hot, you can be hot. When he's cold, you should be cold, right? And so basically you're giving him space when he needs it or when he's acting badly or whatever, you're giving him space and when he's warming up and being friendly, that's when you're warming up and being friendly, right? And it's a very simple rule. It's harder to do than it is to talk about. However, it's a very simple rule and it's just pacing his interest, right? And it works. It works wonders, absolute wonders. You should talk to some of the women that are in our community about this stuff. It absolutely... And by the way, if you have a lot of questions and you don't want to ask them in a public forum anywhere, we have a way that you can ask your questions anonymously to one of our coaches and get feedback on what it is that's going on with you and your situation. There's a link under here or you can go to thegoddesscommunity.com and sign up for a free 14-day trial to get help with your situation from a coach. All right. So the last thing that we're going to be talking about in attainability, right, is letting him know... And we talked about this a little bit earlier, which is letting him know that what he does is attractive, right? So when he's doing things that are attractive, letting him know that he's doing things that are attractive and it's reminding him, right? It's like if a fire is starting to go out and you put another piece of another log or another stick in there and it kind of lights back up, right? This is what you're doing right now is you're restarting, you're reigniting, you're adding fuel to the fire so that you're saying, hey, remember, I think you're attractive. I think you're hot. I think when you do that kind of thing, it's really attractive to me. And it kind of lights that fire. And he's like, oh, yeah, that's right. We're pursuing a romantic sexual relationship here, right? And so he goes further and invests in you more and remembers all the things that he wanted to do to chase you and get you into that amazing relationship that you want to have. And like I said, if you do these things, if you do these four things, right? If you show interest, give him ways to chase you, allow him to make progress and show him that having you is attainable, then he will chase you, right? He has to, the one other key ingredient here is that he has to be attracted to you, which I talk about in some of my other programs like my Make Him Want You program. I talk all about how to kind of spark or build that romantic interest if he doesn't have that already or you're trying to build it or rebuild it, re-spark it. And so, but if you do these four things, show interest, give him ways to chase you, allow him to make progress and show him that you're attainable, he will chase you. So any questions about that? Any questions? What do we have here? I don't need help, but I need good men chasing me. What if you do and don't know you are? If you do... Brandy, what are you talking about there? If you don't know that if you're chasing him, if you don't know if you're chasing him, the best way to find out if you're chasing him or not is to lean back, right? Is to stop doing things, right? If you feel like you're doing a lot of stuff, if you feel like the relationship that you're getting into or the relationship that you have with a guy is kind of exhausting, that means that you're probably leaning forward. It means you're probably chasing him. And so what you need to do is just immediately stop and just see how that feels, right? It doesn't feel like a weight was lifted off your shoulders. Does it feel relaxing and calming for you to do that? How does he respond if you do that? What happens? That's what you want to do. The first thing that you want to do is to stop. I'm not needy. I'm not emotional at all. Then what? Well, it depends on why... So that was another question by Brandy. So it depends on why you're not emotional. Do you mean like you're not... Like you don't have any... You don't emote. You don't show emotions at all. It might be that you're in your masculine energy if you're not experiencing emotion. And the best way to get out of that is to reconnect with yourself, right? Reconnect with your body. Reconnect with your emotions. Reconnect with nature. Reconnect with things that kind of make you feel like you're connected to whatever. And that is, in my opinion, one of the best ways to do that. So, Kathleen says, how can you tell if he's invested in you? Well, if he's invested in you, he will not want the relationship to end, right? So if he's been chasing you and he's been investing in you and you don't do anything, we talked about kind of this checkpoint, right? There's this checkpoint where you just stop doing things and you just don't do anything. And just see what's going on, right? See what ends up happening. If he's invested in you, he will want to move forward. He will want to connect with you. He'll want to talk to you. He'll reach out to you and start doing things with you, right? He'll start to ask for things, right? If he's looking for a committed relationship, then he will start talking about that with you. He'll want to move the relationship into that realm with you. And if he's not talking about those things, if he's not reaching out to you, if he's not doing those things, he's probably not invested. So Carol says, what do you do when you get close and he pushes you away? So it kind of depends on what happened exactly in this situation where you got close and then he pushes you away, right? So it depends on why he was pushing you away, what was going on when he pushed you away. Was it in a situation where he was pushing you away or is he pushing you away as in he's now kind of going cold on you and he's not talking to you anymore or was he like, was he actively pushing you away or is he kind of just like growing cold on you? What to do when he says he needs us to be friends with benefits first? So that's a kind of a manipulative way to do things, right? I mean, so it depends on what you're talking about, right? So what kind of context are we talking about here? Are you trying to get into, are you like, hey, I just want to be in a committed relationship and he's like, hey, we need to be friends with benefits first. If he's doing that, that's just manipulative and he's just trying to manipulate you into the type of relationship, into being into a sexual committed relationship. What you need to do is make sure that you have, one, you have to have your boundaries set. You need to make sure that you have boundaries around what you want and what you need, right? You also need to make sure that he's emotionally connected with you, right? We need to make sure, and we've done videos on this channel about that, right? Like is he emotionally connected? Is he showing the signs of somebody that is what we call pair bonded, right? Where he's like really into you and there's a part of him where he's like, I'm not sure that, you know, and there's ways to fake that as well, unfortunately, but there's also kind of clear cut signs of pair bonding, right? So pair bonding, if you're not familiar with the idea of pair bonding, it's this idea where a guy is like emotionally like just connected, right? He's like completely emotionally connected and where he tries to pull back from it, but he can't because he's so emotionally connected to you that he, he just, you know, it's like annoying to him that he thinks about you all the time and he, you know, has these feelings for you like, oh, I can't, you know, like, I don't normally feel this way for women and so annoying that I feel this way right now, right? That's pair bonding, right? It's like this fight that he has between his emotional mind and his logical mind where he's like, oh, you know, this is what I want, you know, but he like feels this deep emotional connection to you where he just can't get enough of you, right? That's pair bonding. So you need to make sure that, one, you set boundaries and two, that he's connected to you in the right way and that he wants the type of thing that you want. And like I said, we talk about that in other videos to great extent. Ruth says, oh, okay, thank you, Matt. You're welcome. You're welcome. How can I reassure him that he isn't going to lose me? Why would you want to reassure him that he isn't going to lose you, right? What kind of a relationship are you in where you think that it's a good idea to reassure him that he isn't going to lose you, right? Are you married to him? Because that's the only time I think that it's really a great idea to let a man know that he's not gonna lose you. So Bruce Lee, I love that name. What if there is soul and heart connection between you both but still the man is not opening up? What does it mean by opening up? There's a soul and a heart connection. That means that he's emotionally bonded but he's got some kind of resistance to this idea of opening up. Like, are you talking about opening up his past and talking about his past? Because I have another video on that where we talk about how to open a man up. Helena actually has a really good video on this channel about how to create a deep emotional connection with a man. I recommend everybody go and check that out. I'll probably put it in the description at the end here. So how do I regain his interest? That's a big one. I could do a whole video on that and I probably will hear. That's not something that I could do right now. So Yolanda says, I would like to know that to regaining interest so you're both interested in regaining interest. Okay, I'll do a video. I'll do a live stream on that one and we can talk just about. So your situation is he friendzoned me because of miscommunication through test. What does that mean? He friendzoned you because of miscommunication. Oh, through text, through text. And takes things I'm not saying in a different way. Okay. That's also, that's something that's going on with him, right? He's doing that because he has something that's going on with him, which is out of alignment. And so he's feeling some kind of misalignment and so he's doing that to you. It's not something that you are doing to him. And again, that's kind of a bigger conversation as well. How to make him commitment of marriage if he is confused and always use word best friends. Are you in a relationship, Nina? Or is this, are you in an actual relationship or are you just friend with benefits or are you not in any kind of a relationship whatsoever? So you're in some kind of relationship with him and you want him to commit or are you, are you in a committed relationship or are you, so you want him to marry you, but he's confused, right? So, you know, one of the things that we were talking about a little bit earlier with Ruth, right? Where Ruth was saying that she's like, how can I reassure him that he isn't going to lose me? And the reason that I said, why would you want to reassure him that he isn't going to lose you is that one of the things that ends up happening is that men, so men have a lot of different needs and a lot of different desires around relationships and a lot of women don't kind of understand this, right? So getting sexual with a person for a man is not just an emotion, is not just a physical thing. It's also an emotional thing, right? And being in a relationship with a woman is not just a physical thing either. There's a whole bunch of emotional things that are going on there, right? And the deeper he has this with you, right? And sometimes I talk to women and they're like, oh yeah, I'm living with this guy and we're in this relationship and all these things are going on. You know, basically like we're married but he hasn't put the ring on my finger yet. Like, how do I get him to put the ring on my finger? And here's my response to it. One is that it's something that we call damage control, right? So damage control is you went and did something that you probably weren't supposed to do and now you're trying to fix it backwards, right? You shouldn't be moving into these stages of a relationship like moving in with a guy and having sex with a guy and doing all these different things with a guy. If you're not also getting what you want, right? You shouldn't be, I don't know what your situation is, Nina, but you definitely shouldn't be getting into, like moving in with a guy if you're not getting married to him and marriage is something that you want, right? And if he's confused and he doesn't know what he wants, he needs to understand that you're not going to be here forever for him, right? That you're somebody who is a high-value woman and you know what you want, he's confused about it and you know that this relationship is more important to you than anything else. And so, you know, if he's not willing to give that to you and I don't know how long you've been seeing each other, but if he's not willing to give that to you, you need to be willing to walk out of it, right? You need to be willing to leave the relationship and I sometimes hear this from women where I talk to them and they're like, oh well, relationships where you use ultimatums, they don't work, right? Like ultimatums, they don't work and in one sense, ultimatums don't work, right? They don't work in terms of using it as a manipulation tool and the reason it doesn't work like that is because it's inauthentic. If you're like, hey, if you don't marry me, I'm leaving and you have no intention of leaving at all, it doesn't work, right? Because you're just trying to use it as a manipulation tool and the guy calls your bluff and then you're like, oh yeah, I guess I'm not leaving, right? And then your credibility and your trust get ruined with him and now he not only doesn't trust you anymore, but he also knows that he can walk all over you and that you don't have any boundaries and he can do whatever he wants to and you're just going to deal with it. And instead, what you need to do is you need to actually let him know that you're walking away and be willing to walk away and move further away from the relationship unless he's willing to give you what you want. That's it. It's not some kind of big secret. If a man isn't going to give you what you want, you have to be willing to walk away and I've seen women, I don't know how long your relationships been, Nina, but I've seen women that have been in relationships for 10, 12, 15. There's one woman in our community that had been with a guy for 17 years. 17 years. This guy still doesn't consider himself in a committed relationship with her. They're not moving towards marriage, right? Like, don't be that woman. You need to be like, that guy, that guy is, I don't know how long it's been, but if it's been longer than three months, six months, I can tell you right now, he is not confused, right? He knows what he wants and he knows what he wants with you. And so if he's telling you that he's confused, it's not because he's confused. It's because he doesn't want to tell you what he actually is thinking. And he doesn't want to tell you that because he knows that it's something that you don't want to hear. And so you need to put pressure on him and you need to put pressure on the relationship and show him through your actions that you're willing to walk away from this and be serious about it and actually walk away from it if he's not willing to give you what you want. And I guarantee that if, you know, he's really attracted to you and invested in you and he doesn't want to lose you, that he will give you what you want, right? You're probably right now giving him what he wants. He needs to give you what you want or you need to walk away and find a man who will give you what you want. All right. Sorry about that. Sorry if that was harsh. I apologize about that. Sometimes you need the truth, right? And you need to hear what's going on. So, okay. So, hi, Matt. I encounter a man in his job and I can tell he's interested. How can you let a man know it's okay to ask you out? So it depends on kind of work situations are really tricky these days, right? Especially with kind of all the different political things that are going on right now. And so, you know, going back to what we were talking about before in this live string, right? Like these different things, you know, showing interest, right? For a man, it's very, very risky for him to show romantic interest in a woman at his workplace, right? I don't know what kind of a workplace you work at, but if it's a bigger kind, it's bigger, smaller, it doesn't really matter, right? If a guy shows interest in a woman and it's unwanted interest in a woman at a workplace, there's a high probability chance that he could get fired, right? That's just what's going on in the Western world right now. However, if you're a woman and you show interest, it's not as big of a deal, right? It's not as big of a thing. And so, another thing like we're talking about here on this, you know, one is showing him interest, right? Showing him some kind of like romantic interest dropping some kind of hints, you know, if you're really afraid and you're at work and maybe you think it's a taboo thing there. Another thing is there's kind of this workplace thing that you can do where you kind of like suggest, right? It's kind of this suggestion. People that are becoming friends do this, right? Where they kind of give little suggestions like, hey, I'm going to this thing, you know, and I think it's really fun, like, you know, is that something that you're interested in and then the person starts talking about it and they're like, oh yeah, you know, I'd love to go and do that or saying, you know, it's kind of, like I said, it's kind of tricky at a workplace environment because of all the rules and restrictions around dating and the messes. I actually don't recommend that you date anybody at your workplace. I myself have actually had some really horrible experiences with that and I know people that have just had just god-awful experiences with people that they date at the workplace and although a lot of relationships get started at the workplace, but I'd suggest going through this and doing things that make sense from the different things that I've talked about in this livestream that we've talked about. So showing romantic, some type of romantic interest, right? Showing that you kind of like him, that you think he's cute or, you know, that's a really good one, right? Kind of the higher end where you're like, you know, showing higher levels of like sexual interests where you're like, yeah, you're really hot, right? And then there's like lower levels where it's like, oh, that was really cute, you know? Or that was adorable, right? Not saying it in like a sarcastic tone, but saying it in like a matter-of-fact tone or another way of showing interest is by doing, I had a friend, I can't remember what he called, he called it rawness, right? It's called the rawness compliment. And what it is is like this compliment where you're just like really just open and honest and genuine and authentic about your compliment and you're just like, wow, you know, you did this, right? Like you, you know, I saw you over there and you, you know, stood up for that guy that's that word, you know, I saw you over in the meeting today and you, you know, I saw you stand up for Bob at, you know, during the meeting and I just, you know, I think that that was really one of the coolest things that I've ever seen in my life and I just, I really respect a man that is willing to stand up for other people when they're, you know, when they're vulnerable the most, you know, and I know that, you know, maybe I don't know what your relationship is to Bob but I think that that was just like one of the coolest things that I've ever seen and I just, you know, I just thought it was really, really attractive, you know, and if you say something like that to a guy, right? At the workplace, you know, there's a part of it where you're kind of opening up a little bit, you know, and you're being authentic and you're saying something real and at the same time, you know, it's there's kind of this risk factor to it but it's also so authentic and genuine and so not like I'm flirting with you type of thing that even if he's not interested or if he's, you know, normally being flirty with somebody at the office might be offensive or something like that, he'll still end up really loving it, right? He'll be like, wow, that was like one of the best compliments I've received, you know, because most people are just walking around the world and they don't have any real connections. They don't have anybody really like talking to them or giving them real genuine authentic compliments and so when you do that with somebody, it like makes you stand out from the crowd, right? And all of a sudden they're like, wow, that was cool, you know, like that was something I haven't, like I felt that, you know, I felt that real genuine compliment there and like we're starved for that kind of connection right now especially men, men are just absolutely starved. We live in the age of the hookup culture where men and women are just starved for real genuine authentic connections with each other and so whenever you can do something like that with a guy, it's like just really, really powerful and so if, so RL says, what are the steps? The four steps are showing interest, giving him ways to chase you, allow him to make progress and show him that having you is attainable, right? And so, you know, going back to the workplace analogy, you want to give him all those kinds of things, right? Give him things to do, you know, you can connect with him. Sometimes a really easy way, and I don't know what your age range is, but a really easy way to connect with people and make it kind of this bridge where you're bridging kind of the gap between your workplace world and the real world is by connecting on Instagram. And I'm not one of those people that thinks that you always have to be, you know, leaning back or in your feminine energy. I think it's okay, right? Especially at the early stages of talking to a guy and dating a guy, I think it's okay to do some things to help him along and make it easy for him to understand and realize that he can chase you and pursue you and come after you. And so, you know, if you end up, you know, giving him, being like, Hey, are you on Instagram and just connecting with him on Instagram? Like that's a really easy and simple way to like bridge things off into like the real world and then follow up on the message with chat on Instagram until you guys end up meeting up. So yeah, you're welcome. Daydreamer says thank you. You're welcome for that. So we talked about the steps. Is it okay to send him flowers to let him know he's on my mind and I still care to get to know him better. You know, honestly, like the eye, so is it okay? Sure, right? But why would you send a guy flowers? Right? So one of the mistakes that a lot of people make and the men and the women side is that we usually, we look at things and we go, okay, this person's interested in this and I'm interested in this, right? And we just look at what we're interested in and then we go, okay, well, I like to receive flowers. So maybe men want to receive flowers, right? Like, and that's a mistake. It's always a mistake to assume that other people want what we want, right? There's a thing out there called the five love languages. I've talked about this a lot and people want different things, right? So some people want gifts. Some people don't want gifts, right? Like I'm not a big fan of gifts, right? And when somebody brings me a gift, I mean, I understand what's going on there, right? And I understand that they're expressing their love for me and at the same time, it's not that meaningful for me at all. Like if a woman came and brought me flowers, I'd be like, I mean, I'd just be like, wow, that was really interesting. Thank you, you know? But at the same time, it's not like, it's like this really meaningful thing for me to receive flowers, you know? It just doesn't make, to me it just doesn't make any sense. Maybe that's because I'm like a masculine guy and flowers are kind of this symbol of like beauty and like openness and soft flowing feminine nature, right? And so for a guy, if he's a masculine guy receiving flowers, I don't know, it just feels weird. It feels weird to me. I mean, I'm sure that there are guys out there that like flowers, but I wouldn't assume that guy, a guy or guys want to receive flowers. So all right, that looks like all the questions. So Metmonks says, thank you. You're welcome. You're welcome, everybody. Thank you so much for being here with us, about to hit the hour. So I hope everybody got some really good stuff. So what do you do? What do you do? What you do is you find out what he likes, right? Find out what his thing is that he's into. And so, you know, just find out whatever he's into and then give him that, right? Like, so some men, so the way that you find out what people want is that you see what they do, right? How do they express things, right? Does he show his expression of love through giving gifts? And if that is the case, then that's what you do. But if that's not the case, you know, some people, for instance, me, for I am a huge physical touch kind of guy, right? Like, so if I'm with a friend of mine, I touch them, you know, and I like, you know, like, I'll hug them and like, I'll touch them a bunch of times. I'll shake their hand, you know, and I'm like, I'm like a touchy-feely guy, right? Because I love touch, and that's my way of expression. Like, I love getting massages. I love hugs. I love, you know, just the more touching, the better cuddling with me. It's just amazing. I love it. It's like my favorite thing in the world. You know, it's just like laying in bed and just like, you know, having a woman like rest her head on my chest is just like heaven, right? And so it depends on the guy, right? And what he's into. Like, is he into service? Is he into compliments? Is he into gifts? Is he into, like, what is he, what is he into? And you find out how he does that. And then you go on from there. So Kami asked, where can I get help from you one-on-one? So I do know, I no longer give one-on-one coaching anymore. However, we do have some programs, if you're interested in that. One of them is with a guy is, well, they're all with our coaches, right? So either Anya or Helena Hart are the people that are doing coaching with our company now. I'm not doing it anymore, just because I'm focused on other things for the time being. And so if you're interested in doing coaching, you can either go to Helena Hart's website and sign up with her when she's a fantastic coach. She's amazing. Like the women that have worked with her, you should see these testimonials. I've never seen anything like it. I certainly don't have the same kind of testimonials she has. She's like a miracle worker. She has gotten so many women married. It's like the most unbelievable thing I've ever seen in my entire life. And so you should check out Helena's stuff, because I think she's a better coach than I am anyway. And if you are looking to get into a long-term committed relationship, go to HelenaHartCoaching.com. And she's got a coaching thing on there. There's a deposit that you have to put down. And then she'll talk to you on the phone about the different kind of coaching options that you have. And then you can get coaching from her or Anya Grace, who's also an amazing coach that we have that works with our company as well. And so, yeah, check it out. So thank you so much again. This is the last time I swear. Thank you so much for being with us today. It's really an honor and a privilege to have you come and allow me to be on your journey and talk to you about the things that I know and the things that I've worked on. I've been in this industry since 2005. I've been teaching in this industry. And so thank you so much for being here. And I hope you have a wonderful, beautiful day. And I will speak with you again soon.