 Hey, that's bullshit. Mm-hmm. No, not you. The one in the future who may end up opening this file and then he's gonna be like, Oh, that's weird seeing myself there. You haven't done any film movies before, have you? I don't remember. Nope. This is my first one. Well, it might not even be technically the first as in it never goes out and then you're like, Well, then you can just do this bit later when you're certain that we're going to be having me in it. Well, that wouldn't make sense because we wouldn't know still by the end of it. It's better to put it in the beginning so that in case this one ends up being a thing, it'll be there. We'll just do this every single time. Yeah. We'll be like, wow, my first one for three of them joined. Exactly. Then we could just kind of write it like in-game and make some time nonsense and we're good. Yeah, you'll complain about continuity, which by the way, I'm so concerned with that we will be releasing three e-faps in one week just to make sure that the tiles line up. I was like, oh, I can keep it as a spare e-fap. I was like, no, continuity comes first. I've been very concerned about that with e-fap, as well as our back history lore and stuff. Every character has to act in line. They go on arcs, enemies turn friended, friends turn enemies. This is the whole thing. The writers have really been pulling their ass out of their face. That's the phrase to mean they're doing well. Wow. You probably don't know. Just do the science behind that. Yeah. So we're here today to check out a spooky Halloween movie in prep for a Halloween e-fap. It's one of two. The first being Wendchelsing. He's a gym and chiropractor. It's basically based around the idea that he's going to look after some of the older and dying people in the local area that he lives. And I think it's a really cool little neat story full of heart. Very sweet. So this is actually my entire history of this film. It's just, I remember watching it when I was younger and I found it neat and goofy. It's got your standard movie monster set of things. Werewolves, Dracula's and vampillisms. I'm pretty sure his brides are in it. Frankenstein. I don't know, Igor? Oh, and Jekyll and Hyde is actually in the opening as well, I believe. So, yeah. All kinds of things. It's going to be great. Um, incredibly spooky movie. So, you know, get your pillow hide behind it in case anything spooky happens. Didn't tell me to bring one of those. No, I'm a little prepared. I know. Hide behind it, really. Yeah. Um, are you guys ready? I'm ready. Yeah, well, let me, let me think. Um, are you ready, but you're not prepared? No, no. All right, I'm ready now. Oh, thank goodness. Okay. Go. Wow. All right, man, the pelting. This is how you kill all the vampires on the planet right here. You make all of the land glow. So, only the water vampires survive. What's a vampire? Is what he does. You don't believe in water vampires? Oh my goodness. And then he set up a fire. Oh, no. You know what? That was pretty neat. We're going to give it to him. Oh, it's Link Abuzinsky. That logo, by the way, that iteration of the universal logo, it just evokes this time for me. When you and an angry mob could run into castles with your scythes and your torches. Yeah. Oh, man, I miss those days. Also, what an epic castle. That looks so great. Weird. I wonder what's beneath the stone of this Berg. It's alive! Holy cow, he's got a flexy face. Yeah, I'm pretty sure they hit all of the beats of what you know of these monsters from just here. So, you know, or just, yeah, it's alive. It's like, if you were to try and do a modern serious take on Frankenstein, I feel like you'd still have to have that line in there. Yeah, absolutely. If you don't, you're mean to try and modernify it. And he just goes, hmm, he's alive. I feel like we'd have enough time to run out the back door. I was beginning to lose faith. Oh, I remember this performance. So good. Your peculiar experiments have made you unwelcome in most of the civilized world. I'll take him away. Oh, I love black. So great. No one will ever find him. The time has come for me to take command of him. What do you say? What do you think I brought you here? If you miss cross, son, it grins your lawn. I'm looking checked again. You should pay attention. I would kill myself before helping in such a castle. Feel free. I don't actually need you anymore. I could never allow him to be used for such evil. I could. I'm always finding that so weird. He's practically said, like, I'm done with you. Fuck off. I'm going to take him. And then he's like, I could never allow it. He says it's in such a nice way. What is he's like? He's like he's threatening your life. Just yeah. You have been so kind to me, doctor. Care. Thoughtful. But he pays me. So fun fact that character is played by Benny from the mummy. Do you guys remember Benny? Oh, oh, oh, oh, geez. Yes. I remember Benny. I want to watch the mummy again. That movie's class. Brendon. Very. Best. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. He does that exact same thing. in the mummy. The mummy is eating someone and he does that exact same thing. He looks confused and scared and he runs away. But he's paying you. Well, you gotta put up with the weird stuff, you know. You mean only the park just like that? The only expensive place on the park. Oh my God. Oh my God. He's... Correct. DADDY. DADDY. Is the original story of the monster kills Frankenstein? I don't think he does. I think the people do. It's headed to the window! Come on! It's headed to the window. He got run. Jeez. Man, what age rating was this? It's alright. The black and white probably helps. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. Having to animate a shadow probably helps. Well, the funny thing about that is I think it works way better and it's future-proof. Yeah, I do too, yeah. Wow, they caught up just in time. Also, I think that funnily enough, that was not a... They didn't make that choice for that reason, right? Because that's like to make the reveal better later when we see the... Yeah, I can believe it. Yeah, but I don't know how that's going to look when we get there. But that's the only vintage windmill we've got! You guys really... They have to walk back home, but it's dark because they throw... Man, that was a lot of torches. There's a Bible inside. Whoa! What a bastard. You humans, man. What the fuck? I've only been alive for 12 minutes. This is shit. I remember the conversation about this was like... Even back then, in 2004, it was like, do we like this new look for Frankenstein and the voice? Oh my God! Oh, they're going to take me to Anor Londo! Hey! Man, who would suck me in a will with this many monsters? What? Like, four flammable windmills? This is the cool factor, but it's also like, I could be killed a lot. It'll be fine. Whoa! That gear! Yeah, dude. The gear lands right on him. Aren't the Bride's famous people... I can't remember. I'm going to see if I can spot him. That sword went right through his heart and that doesn't even kill him? Dracula? Well, it just depends on... It's got to be like a wooden stake or something like that. Yeah. So if it's a metal stake, they're like, haha! It varies throughout all the different fictions, but I think... Bram Stoker's Dracula the movie. That one set a lot of what it will be from now on when people talk about Dracula. I want the imagery that they're still building the Eiffel Tower. Go Wolverine! Do you even do it? Anthony Hopkins is Van Helsing in that movie, by the way. Van Helsing is a cool name. Yeah. Van Helsing. You should hang out with Constantine. That's another cool guy who beats up evil things. Lucky he turned his head just this time. Did he hit him? I thought he hit him laughing. No, I think it was afterwards. Nope, he laughed after I saw him. Oh, maybe he's laughing at it. It's like, you could see me hit. Does he smoke normal sized cigars or when he gets angry while smoking a cigar, the cigar also gets big? That was actually going to be something I was going to bring up. It was like, wasn't it absurdly large and psyched? Does he special make? Maybe he makes his own because he's just around. It was slimy on the end. Oh, my God. Okay, that got me. That's all right. I wonder what the budget is for this film. The Van Helsing budget was $160 million. Wow. I can believe it. That's a lot of money. That is a lot of money. This certainly seems like a large-scale production. It almost made it two Milan numbers. It's already more entertaining. Oh, God. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Is this Tomb Raider? We should watch that, too. Oh, yeah, we should. Which one? Well, we could do both, but I think the first one is more fun. Well, we're original, right? Angelina Jolie first broke out. There's a sequel. There's Cradle of Life. I've seen both. I don't remember the first one being funnier, though. The first one, I think, was relatively decent for what it was. I haven't seen it since it first came out. It's been a very long time. Oh, this is the bell of Notre Dame. I broke it. Oh, man. Oh, shit. Oh, did he hit the only wood? He threw them up into the only wood part of the roof? I was about to say, how are they stacked? I don't know if it's that weak. All right. Good thing that was there. If you only have one arm, then you're twice as accurate with it? Yeah, maybe. You don't have to put your stats into left arm. Left arm? Grappling hook, right? I can't believe that the Marvel MCU universe of cinematics ripped off Van Helsing. Yeah, dude. Fuck him up, Hyde. Oh, you fucking retard. How could he even make the outline of his body go through the room? Why the coyote shit? Oh, well, I worked out. How could this have possibly occurred? Oh, well, you know. That would suck to come back. All that just happened to me. Awful. How could you even tell it's him from all the way down there? I know he's Van Helsing. How could you call him a murderer? You know what he does. I was going to say, do you really think... I thought they already knew, by the way. He was like a wanted man, the one they just found, Mr. Dr. Jackal. Because he's killed a bunch of people. I don't believe they built this whole place in this movie. Oh, yes. That's not one shot, too. It's dedication to the craft. They built all of Hugh Jackman just for this movie. He's in the mummy returns. I'm just a fun fact machine. I had a lover of the mummy. I love his accent. Or the church. We don't have any power. You can't open up that fucking thing. That's cheating. Is it so that he can punch the whores? I wonder what practical use this had before Van Helsing. Yeah, this question's there. You cannot leave the confessional until you prove you are a harlot. No, let me open the gap. This is where we send the very, very, very... Okay, now we're getting really disturbing. This a cave, a secret cave. I'm on down to the sex dungeon. What's that accent? No, daddy. You've got my base. You're doing Dracula? I couldn't tell you. It's like a finish track. All I know is his words sound like they're jumping over an obstacle course. I loved it. You have no contacts for any of this. And you're just behind the confessional. It's just a series of mug people working on science. And you're like, okay. With an accurate map. I had this man standing by to show you that map for three seconds. He's just waiting for that snap. Oh, fuck, I completely forgot. Isn't Faramia his, like, teammate in this? Pretty sure it's Faramia. I think so, yeah. His little sidekick is in. The reason I remember this so well is because he's just, he's completely different from Faramia and it's fun. Welcome. And his daughter Princess Anna. Oh, there she is. For more than four centuries, this family has defended our love flag. Love, love, love, love, interest. Yes. Exactly. Eat that, that shot. It's like, yeah. I mean, she's pretty hot. I'm gonna say it. It's like a picture I can take with me. In the name of God, open this door. There is an insignia. Yeah, I've had some people deliver in pizzas. He said that, too, if I took too long. Yes. He matches your ring. Oh, yeah, fuck, he's like super important, isn't he? He's got like a, he's a part of like a made bloodline or some shit. I don't, I remember just, it's all nuts in this film. What the fuck? Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no. Ah, there you are. Where did you bring me? I like his little flame on his hat. Rings of garlic. Holy water. Silver steak. Wow, the flame. What the fuck did he put it in while it was out? Yeah, now you've poked a hole in my bag, you idiot. Here's something new. Glycerin 48. It's piss. They will run out, what is wrong with you? It's my latest image. I remember why I like this movie so much. The vibe of this movie is so much fun. The vibe of this movie matches an automatic crossbow, you know? Yeah. It's amazing where you would have a drum-fed automatic crossbow. Did you invent this? I've been working on that for 12 years. It's a compressed magma from Mount Vesuvius with fewer alkalines. What's it for? I don't know. I'm sure it'll come in handy. I know exactly what it is. I'm sure it'll be re-incorporated. Do you remember what it does? No. Let me discover this on my own. Come on, man. No spoilers. It's fucking retarded. I like it. We'll go with that. I'm not a field man. He is like the opposite of Ferramiris. Even the voice. A feeble compared. Oh, I hope there aren't 14 werewolves in these woods. Whatever would I do? I remember this scene. Oh, no, my pants. I seriously haven't watched this movie in fucking ages, but I remember it really well. I think I watched it a lot when I was younger. My pants are slipping and my hands are tied. I can't pull them back up. If I turned around, I could shimmy them up. Maybe if I lift my legs. You always get so sexual when werewolves are brought up. Wow, that's a risky move there, pal. Yeah. She wasn't even facing this direction. Yeah, she was facing it back. Oh, they got some extras from the Patriots show up. That's nice. Why did it slip? Oh, she's a nimble. Ah, you missed, you fuck. Unless you guys have silver, what are you doing? It bleeds ectocooler. She said you have to do it with silver. It's like, why are you guys shooting at all? Why are they shooting? They haven't got silver. If you're not shooting it with the silver bullets, then why would you? Because they just freed it. I feel like with all this elaborate grabbing, they've done this before, like, have you guys, why doesn't everyone have silver bullets? Oh, Drew, this is all gold, man. Quickly, get your silver knife that you would obviously have. Oh, jeez. You didn't have to do that. You have silver bullets? Why couldn't you just push her out of the way and then bin out of the way? Because he had to, I don't know. Well, how tragic, though. You know, his operation could have been better, but hey, we got it. I feel like for all the planning we did, we could have planned better. We hardly knew you. Was that a daytime werewolf, then? I don't remember what the rules are on this one. Some werewolves, they could change it will. I think that's how it works in this. It's like, they're forced to a moonlight, but they can give up and just be a werewolf a little times if they can't resist the beast, you know? Sounds, yeah, that's how I'd want my werewolves. Not resisting. Not resisting. Oh, man. I didn't know this was a thing, ragged werewolves. Oh, yes. Look at that icon. Also, this is like the most bog-standard. Like, it's not bad, it's just, this is how you show them moving from place to place. Especially on a high budget, you take those. Yeah, I was about to make another Mulan reference. Quick, get to the stats. This is a queen village. Random cow. God be unfortunate if any vampires were nearby. Welcome to Transylvania. Hello, Mr. Kabazinski. You, turn around. Damn. Well, there's a definite vibe you get from her throughout this movie, isn't it? Sensual. Gentlemen, you will now be disarmed. You can try. Oh, no. Oh, is that Willy Wonka? Fuck. Jesus. Oh, my God. Oh, my God, look at all these arrows. So, if I were one of them, I'd be like, this is some bullshit, I'm out. I'm out of time for this. That thing is such a, it's so cool. Jesus Christ. Those fucking things are in that. I refuse to accept anything, but that is cool. Oh, no. Oh, that was a choice. Yeah, no. The way his face looked before I grabbed her. Oh, look at that. Oh, my goodness. Okay. I'm a man of God, technically. Okay, right here. Get the super OP gun. Oh, he even landed one shot. He got one of them a few times. Do it. Oh, it's so cool. Oh, he does something even cooler in a second. I can't help but think of how shit Shadow the Hedgehog is, but this guy... Although, I bet he could benefit from a submachine gun. Oh, no. Oh, not the cow. Oh, it's not a character. What's the village cow? Ooh. Oh, my God. Jesus Christ. Oh, that bull guy. Oh, no. Now he's going to be a vampire. I don't know how they do the mechanics in this. I don't either. Oh, GG. You need to go pull all those out, man. Yeah. Are they all silver arrows? Don't look like it. Christ, you are bleeding money when you fire that thing. Half of the Vatican's budget that year is this car. Oh, God. This is what all your tithes go to, everyone. Silver tipped crossbow bolt. Time to do some briefing. Like how the back sight is just another post. Also, the way they shot that for a moment, it looked like he was able to... What was you going to do with that sight? Drop a torch in there. Oh, no. If you add up... Thank you for flying Transylvania Airlines. Oh. Oh, I could not have expected this. You don't have a plan there to just fall and die? Wait, what? Okay, what the fuck? What even was that? You have become so incredibly accurate all of a sudden. He did single fire, so it was... Oh, that was single. I thought it was something special, like it was a super shot or something. I think it was just one of the bigger fire, I guess. All right. This arrow spins. Oh, good job. What was that? Gives all that padding. My ass. There we go. Why does she keep falling on her feet? Because she's graceful like a cat. Oh, Jesus. She got fucked up. This needs to be a video game. I love this so much. Although, I feel like giving the crossbow that early in the game would be kind of busted. Fuck it. Oh, is this the chick from Enchanted? No. I don't think so. Oh, okay. Amy Adams, you talking about? Superman's girlfriend? Maybe. I can't remember. I'm just getting Enchanted energy from these vampire wives. Get in there, Helsing. Oh, I thought they were the same one that he was... They were three. The one that he shot was the one talking to you. Oh, yeah. Oh, no, she's pulling him out. Stop it. Yeah, take these back. Don't play coy with me, Prince. How did you do that? Bitch! Oh, she didn't have enough feet. She's just getting fucked up today. She's fine. She's fine. I like how the entire little cut scene where she's pulling the arrows out of herself is like, Helsing, get the fucking thing. Holy water! Ugh. Aw. Stop your teasing, Marista, and finish him! Why didn't you do it? Too bad. So sad. Did she just say too bad, so sad? What the fuck did? Because I totally saw Kaya. Dude, is she a gamer? Gigi is Van Helsing. Fist to the holy water wins, I guess. I don't know. Oh. She was outside. Why didn't she just run to Van Helsing? They just love to put on a show. Also, can they literally move at the speed of fucking light? Yeah. You can see what Dracula could do. He could like mini-teleport or something. The thing about that is that he should probably be unbeatable at that point. Maybe these are less strong vampires like Dracula's big guy. Three of them. So now there's four? No, no. Oh, wow. He just got thrown three times a day. Yeah. He's having fun. He's throwing around today. Yes. It seems like she's playing around with Dracula. Yeah. Not even listening. Yeah, she's loving this, you know? Yeah, she's having way too much fun. Imagine if you lived in a castle in Transylvania, you'd want to get your kicks where you could. Yeah. You can fly and shit. Oh, she's only just realized she dropped him in front of his crossbow. I can feel fresh blood rushing through her veins. Oh, man, this scene's getting a little... I feel like she kind of gave up pretty easy there. I won't first bite. Ew. Lemon, am I right? Yeah. No. Oh, supercharged. Oh. Yeah, maybe if you'd help to. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, they were hungry. He was just had to fuck around. That looked like garbage. Well, that was... All right. He's doing the cross for the CGI. You tried. What a strange day. Yay. Yay. Hey, what's going on? It was okay. I'm glad they added that detail. We did it. Totally unnecessary to let the audience know that the cow is okay. I mean, that one, those couple of people died, but the cow is fine. Well, those different peasants are dead, but... But isn't that a good thing? Then flies only kill what they need to survive. Why not two people a month? Now, they will kill for revenge. That seemed like a lot more than one or two people. I feel like one or two people is not acceptable. No. And we can get them. We just gotta work together, guys. His name is Van Helsing. He dropped his wallet and I read it. So they didn't know his name before they got all confrontational? That's what they do. So, no, it doesn't. They didn't know who he was. Yeah, they didn't know who he was and they were already doing this. This is just their day to day. Yeah, like people have heard that phrase, your reputation precedes you and they don't... Okay. I was just totally unnecessary vampire things. Do we mean... No! Shut up! Shut up! You seem upset at this, though, so that's a start. Yeah, yeah. Maybe you're growing as a person, Dracula. It is not so bad. That's a good tell that we're actually upside down for that scene. It must be so awkward to do your lines upside down. Say you will not dry again. If we fail again. Did they just speed up the footage? Yeah, it looks so weird. Okay. Do not fear me. Despite what you have just known. I know, make signals right now. Let's piss it off. Oh, thank goodness Ego's still endless. Radio Torment, I think, sir. It's what I do. It's fair enough, aren't they? I believe the village cow still lives. Poke that with your stick. What is... What is happening? Oh my God! Wait, whoa! Oh, I don't... I have no explanation for what that was. No one can help me. I can try. You can die trying. All of my family has. I can handle this myself. Hey, we're not related. My whole family died. I can handle this myself. I don't know. Well, it's weird that she's saying that when it's like, I literally saved your life today. Were you not here two scenes ago? Also, I killed a bride of Dracula. Nobody else seems to have done that ever. Yeah, you said that my reputation preceded me. Which was not true, but I understand the sentiment. I understand the sentiment. I'm here to save your families, to stay alive until Dracula's killed. And who will kill him if not me? Who will show courage if not me? I'm here offering to help you. It's like my whole job. But we'll do it together. What is this? Wait, that seems... What the fuck? What the fuck? That's a crowbill. Why wouldn't... I mean... That's not the real thing. Have a pointy? Those are real things. Those are crowbills. I can't even make the claim that I've never seen one of them before because I've seen this film before. They're real. They're real. It's distressed stuff. But surely... Is it a tool for fighting? Yeah, it's like an act of a bladed head. It's a single spike that you drive into. I guess it's the fact that it's a little hand holding it that's distracting. Oh, that's just flavor. I know. It's so funny. Instead of a huge steak, you just... A hand with a steak and with a little steak. Oh, Jesus. Oh, he gave me an old... Oh, my goodness. Toilet paper? No, candle. Oh, those are candles, okay. Sorry, in this pre-corona world, I can... Lucky them, they just had to plague. You got to wear those cool outfits and shit. This is where I keep my lit lantern. You're right. I just like they do this. You would have hit a switch and it's electric and we're just like, wait a minute. That lantern really doesn't look like it's running on oil or a candle. Nah, I mean, we have crossbows with it and an ammo. I believe that more than that. This is clearly electric. Oh, so it isn't really lighting anything up. Yeah, it seems unnecessary. That house is fine on its own. The room does seem fairly well illuminated. I could have swore I closed that window before I was drugged and put in bed. Oh, my God, there's a velociraptor in here. It's a predator. Didn't even change visors. It's not a predator. Lie. I don't have a place to ambush someone. This room, in particular, is the work. My loaded crystal, that's right here. Let's ambush her here. There was no gun control. It's clearly a weapon room. They don't think about whether or not it's a weapon room. Yeah, these are really good old days. The idea that you could defend yourself from invading werewolves, wasn't even questioned. Stand your ground, honey. Stand your ground. Yeah, castle doctrine. Exactly. Oh, no. You tried to treat your own home. Dude, that is a lot of dribble. Well, firing a warning shot with this probably wouldn't be a good idea. No. You need another 10 minutes to track in. It's just fucking with her, I guess. Yeah. Oh. That was a warning shot. Oh. Will not rest until I see the end of the rope and I'll fly. What's up? Oh, it's your... Oh, my God, it's your... Sorry I fucking spooked you. I know Doctor Secret. He has a book. He has... He has a movie. Film. The Wizard of Oz. Deep charades. Castaway. Oh, California big hunks. Oh, he's doing Dr. Jackal and Mr. Hyde. I get it. Itchy, itchy, itchy. Oh, there we go. There we go. That would be fucking actually really creepy if I saw someone doing that. You probably are... Hmm, it's okay. He's still on the wall, by the way. Gravity is not applying. Oh. Okay, bye. At least somebody knows. It's always useful to have a Faramid monk. Yeah, he just has everything. Thank you, Faramunc. Faramunc. This is very cinematic. Wow, this is also very cinematic. Vitschott should be shown in every art class. No, just every class. This is not even math, like geometry. Yeah. Welcome to your first day of geometry. Now that we know how to graph polynomial functions, let's talk about Van Helsing. We're gonna need a fog machine for this lesson. He's just like, you guys see that Van Helsing moves? Van Helsing moves? So good. What is he doing? He's like, what a freak. What Tim Burton motherfucker are you? But everyone listens to me like I'm the big cheese. What are you doing? Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry. What are you doing? Oh, damn. Throw a dog at him. What the fuck? Oh, my God. I have so many things to say. Hey. Why? Yeah, I know. He's a little angry with you. Good. I'm glad it's working. I'm sorry, I didn't notice. I guess she hasn't mentioned the fact that he drugged her and put her in bed. Yeah, she seems pretty taken that pretty well. Maybe he likes it. Before or after you date the right baby. He couldn't get that fucking corset off of her. How do you breathe in this? It was right there. He gave life to me? What? Yeah. Oh, geez. The vial is like, oh. I'm gonna stand at this one. Perhaps harder than to have no memories at all. No, I think having no memories at all would be pretty tough. Yeah. Just littering around. Look at how steadily he walks. Look at him go. It is difficult without the good doctor, but the working, they are doing well. There's a lot of cobwebs in this castle. Was it difficult without the good doctor? I mean, I was just kept him alive, I guess. I guess he wasn't expecting the whole windmill thing to happen. That whole catastrophe. Well, the windmill incident. I knew it would have burned it, but it just fucking exploded. It wasn't my plan. Just popped your werewolf cherry. That jaw was getting real close to him. I'd be like, staying away. You know, the transition from CGI to human is pretty good. Yeah, it's not too bad. Yeah. It helps that it does a lot of motion involved. Yeah, and it kind of like really sells the idea that this curse really fucking sucks. Oh, venom? Oh, no, not the fingers. Oh, yeah, so I guess wills have venom in this universe. Well, I mean, I didn't see the ecto cooler come out of the one they shot in the cage. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The edge of that is green blood coming out of it. Yeah. So I just remembered, he's the bad guy or one of the bad guys in Mission Impossible 2. Really? Dracula. He works for the bad guy. Who? Braggs. Metal. Yeah. Desphulsion. Is played by Jacob Cain in Mission Impossible 2. No kidding. No kidding. It's all coming full circle. Back when he had a career. That woman is a prestigious career. Yeah. He plays one of the few morally acceptable characters. Yeah. The only likable one. I like Luke a little bit. Well, that's true. Luke's pretty good too. Yeah, Luke. And also the black side characters that get shot quickly. We got knives thrown at them. 30 audio mixing in his movies is driving me insane. Hello. Do you mean audio balancing, right? Oh, look, he's underneath the thing. He's such a vampire. Yeah, he loves going upside down. Ew. I never see these things before. Are they on the Dark Souls 2 gutter now? The empires are the walking dead. It only makes sense that children are born dead. He's obviously trying to bring them to life. The sound. Dude. Imagine squeezing one of those out of your vampire cooch. Oh, my God. Like, they need electricity, I guess, to live or whatever. And she was like, well, yeah, because they're born dead. And you're like, what? How did they live before? Well, yeah, if you're undead, I guess your babies are also like undead. How does anything happen in the first place? What do you mean, how does anything happen? Yeah, like, how is there any growth? Oh, it's undead growth. Sometimes I don't think you pay attention. Oh, sorry. You'll predict the pull. You know, it's not even that bad. We did not give your children life, only Parkinson's. Damn it. That's something. Yeah, I think you should go. You should go. Yeah, you should, you should go. No, we need to investigate. No, no, no. You should translocate to a different. Do you remember, from the equivalent of this and fucking the Godzilla movie with Matthew Broderick with all the Godzilla eggs, and they're all like, they do the thing. They're marveling at it. Ew, okay, no, just pull it apart. Why? Okay, yeah, cool. What if it's vampire acid? You don't know. Please, please, why? It's like moldy broccoli. It's like, it's like forbidden. The miracle of childbirth. It's forbidden chicken Kiev. Oh, God. Dracula's just like, what are you doing? Ew. Ew, disgusting. Oh, spooky. It was a flash of fear. I was sleeping. It's just standing on the wall again. I get every shot is a different kind of wall. Just gotta be doing some vampire shit, just to remind everyone. What kids are kind of disgusting? I don't mean that one, Frederick, and that one, Steven, and that one, Frederico, and that one. They are, they didn't seem on board with it in the first few seconds there, but then they're like, all right. Did any of you guys see the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? Yes, I love that. He's the bad guy in that as well. Just remember, and he plays a crazy eccentric villain. Where did he go? Yeah, Jesus. And where's that sweet crossbow? Yeah. They're killing children. Oh, my God. Now that I have your attention. Oh, that's a great line. Nick, what did they do? Racist. On you like super fast, just grab him. Teleport. He's doing the flying squirrel. Yeah, I was about to say the same thing back. That shadow was a little questionable. Yeah, it looked awful. Oh, no, the magic closing door. Celebrate the generators. What are these little e-wars? Yeah. Celebrate these generators. Little Tusken Raiders. This is the future the Liberals want. Well, they can really lift them. Yeah, they're pretty strong. Where's that dick who said they only need one or two a month? I know, this is the revenge killing, okay? Also, yeah, guys, if you eat the whole village, you know, no more happy meals after that. Rick, we just got some punch. Did you catch how he tried to do the cross thing coolly? Does it every time he makes the kill, unless it's an infant vampire? What if he had to do that every time he killed one of the babies? Oh, no. A single shotgun blast. Bam. They don't look so strong. They can barely walk. Just pump it in the face. Push him over. They're gonna hate. They're gonna hate. We need Minion or someone to fight. I like that she saw, like, the assets up and just jumped right on top of that. Oh, they didn't even land in it. Yeah, that was lame. Make one fall in there. Kind of plonked off the surface of it. Wow. These guys love their job. Oh, they're going right in. They're into the Roger Rabbit juice. Wait, is that acid? Because I'm guessing it's not acid. He got pretty close to it. Yeah, he's getting awful close. Oh, they're bones. Oh, look at that. It's acid. Stay the fuck away from it. You go. What are you doing? Do you know about this thing I got? I have a condition. Oh, yeah. I kind of go wolfish. I go werewolf. Would you like me to refresh your memory a little? Thanks for grabbing that, by the way. This really helped me. He thought I would be really badass and hold it. And then he was like, oh, fuck, that really pissed. Oh, she didn't like the silver steak thing at all. I am Count Ladislaus Draguria. Oops. Your phone goes off while he's introducing himself. And he's like, hey. Hang on, hang on. I need a minute. Didn't even let it fall. People from falling out of buildings. Why did you go outside? Why would you? Yes. He's going to help the innocent peasant folk. No, it's going to be great. It's going to be great. I threw a bucket at her. Hermia finally gets the girl. Oh, you just have to scream at them and they die. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no. Oh, sudden infant death syndrome in vampires is way cooler than it is in humans. Faris was like, it wasn't me. I only threw a bucket. Wait, what? How did he know? Okay. I knew that would do that. I think we've always stayed at one. Oh, okay. Hi. How are you doing? Yay. Why are you shooting that? Whoa. Jesus Christ. That boy. Dude. How much rope was in that little gun? Also, gravity. No effect. It's a Vatican miracle. Got that much velocity. I mentioned the recoil blow his arm off. Wait, wait, what? What are you doing? Whoa. You ruined it. Okay. Well, brother's dead. I keep falling into fuel and right into the mountain. Never mind. Oh my God. It's the same fjord. Good thing they cut to the tallest tree ever. Just did to roll at the end. Doesn't happen anything, obviously. Well, the problem is the amount of rope that they had probably would have slammed right into the mountain, but nope. No. Safe landing. Suck my dick. But you can do that. You are a monk. Well, actually, I'm just a fry. Wow. Oh, so he did ask her. Hell yeah. We joke about it, but that's just the truth. What are they doing? They're just being sad. Yeah. They're just crying. No one knows how to kill Dracula. Also, please don't spray me again. He's had information. Yeah, she's just not bringing it up. Oh, it had a built-in amnesia, a mesiatic in it. What if you spray Dracula? He'll forget that he's a vampire. Yeah. Here, let's head. It's wet already. Oh, that doesn't really suit me. I pronounce the Victor Salt Spire. Here's the what keeps you going. Absent. Strong stuff. Don't drink the whole thing. There's no, no. Absent is so fucking strong. Yeah. What is this amnesia rebirth? Yeah, I was about to say. Oh, okay. Next scene. Yeah. Don't think about it. Hey, you may have wanted to know if they're okay, but what about Faramida's sex life? Whoa. Okay. Oh. Oh. Uh. C.D.I. X position. I'm so glad I took that. Oh, my God. What the fuck? What, what was any of that? Well, back to these guys. They have like a HDTV with a fully fleshed animation show. So cool. It was in 12p. Quite the upgrade from six. Oh, yeah. They accidentally find Frankenstein. How do you know he has cup of tea? Because he's standing right behind you. Oh. The Frankenstein monster. Monster. Who's the monster? Okay, he has one of these now. Does he have a semi-automatic blow dart? He just had a monster. Oh, you get to kill shit now? You will kill me. No. I am the key to my father's machine. The key to life. You already awakened him last night. Two. We're from only one bride. One single birthday. Jesus Christ. Wow. I don't even want to picture that. There are more, more of those things. How do you know this? Dude, stop. Jesus Christ, woman. I can sense evil, this thing. You can sense evil? Which is why I tried to kill it earlier when I first saw it. Yeah, your brother's evil, by the way, so I'm going to need to talk about that. Now listen, Kyle, whatever you do, don't stare at him. I'm staring at him. Nothing is faster than Transylvanian horses. Not even a werewolf. Really? What? I don't know, so I don't believe that. I'm going to need to see it to believe it. Sorry, what did she say? Nothing is faster than Transylvania horses. Not even a werewolf. There's no fucking way that's true. Bullshit. How about that crazy-ass hookshot he had? Pretty much faster than that. Just getting a water sprinkler with spreads around all over the place with holy water. Yeah. Easy. There it is. There it is. There we go. Old faithful. I just finished reloading it. Yeah. You had one job, dude. Oh, no. Oh. Okay, get ready to jump, fast-ass horses. Stop. It goes down. Yeah. It goes down. Nope. Why do they keep fucking around with him? Yes. They love to play with their food. Oh, they actually did jump. They actually did jump. What? Wow. Holy shit. Oh. Well. We must not let the creature be destroyed. She got stuck on the bridge. I mean, what's your plan here? How the fuck? They go in the whole time. How could they have made this mistake? Yeah. And how did she get across that pass? We had a decoy carriage. I don't know how they could possibly have done this. Basically, if you're an animal in this movie, you're probably going to be all right. Yeah. Oh. Ooh, it voices Frankenstein. Do it. I want to see Frankenstein punch a werewolf. Oh. Oh. Lovely clip. That's quite a drop. What the fuck? My weenie pappini. Your weenie lives another day. So what happened to the other horses? They went on the smart path. These guys went on the shitty path. Yeah. Aw. Character development, maybe. Your room is on fire, though. Yeah, you probably shouldn't get too comfortable in that carriage there. Oh, no. Wolfie. Fucking hot up here. Oh, fire's bad. What? Oh, Frankenstein don't like fire. It's his weakness. Oh, look at him go. In the dick. Yay, the horses are okay. Good God. Oh, yay. Loading wooden structures. The past was shockingly volatile. There were way more explosions than the history books led me to believe. Must have been the several propane tanks. You have a fucking jacket. Oh man, you'd think he'd be dead by now. He was shot ages ago. You know the rule, shot in the chest. You have as long as the writing needs. He diced right away. He was saving, saving the woods. I'm glad I survived all night just to tell you that. Right? He's just laying there. I wish he'd come over here and cry over my body really soon. Now you know why they call me murderer. Okay, that was self-defense. Let's be clear. Do you see what he was doing, you crazy bitch? You have the venom. Wait, really? Since when? I guess it's now. At the end of, where are you going? Oh, bitch! What the fuck? What the fuck? Wow, that was, dude, that was the most instant like we need a kidnapped fuck it. This movie is insane. Oh man. Goodbye. How inconvenient. Yeah, I still don't know when he got bitten. Yeah, not yet. At the end of the scene, it looked like he's with the wolf. They tussle around a bit. I guess when they're falling from the exploding carriage. Yeah, I guess so. Very inconspicuous there. Yep. Inconpicuous, that's the way. Oh, hey. Well, she gets around quick. That's me. I'm not a monster, but I'll growl like one. Yeah. Yeah, where was this angry, I'm no monster, you're the monster. No, it's just now. We are going to the Burlington Coat Factory. Oh my god, there's a Halloween in this film. Yay! Yay! Moving is fun. She accidentally hits like a wall. She's like, eh. Don't yell at me. He has been bitten. Now you will become that which you have hunted so passionately. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You didn't know that. You've always been ugly, so what? My others will be as passionate in the hunting of you. Is that necessary? Hi. Where did he get that? He had it in terrible quality. Classic ferrum, yeah. He's got everything. Classic. Isn't that less of a security thing and more of a signal to where he is? I can't help but feel like that outfit has a slight stealth penalty. Yeah. Yes, but a joy of the benefit. Oh. He increased his charm. You can't get vexed in that way with the dressed outfit. That's true. That's true. This could work out. Oh my goodness. Zombies. No peasants allowed. Just like E-Fab. I don't think we know where the rest of the budget went. I need you to serve cocktails on this unicycle. I can play a violin on a bowl. Income tips. You look sad for no reason. You have glitter for eyes. If you cut her open, there's the stone of water. Yes, I was thinking the same thing. Roll about references here at E-Fab. Okay, not bad, but can you walk on walls? He's not planning on making a thread. I'm imagining the written version of this scene when they're explaining it. Dracula and this chick, they're going to be talking to each other about the plan, but it's going to be during this big masquerade, everyone's dancing and everyone's in masks, and they're like, you know what, just go for it. We've already given you 150 million or something. That's another 10. Do you have to have all of this for your scenes? Yes. We'll have CGI users and pirers and trapeze artists. What about everyone else? That's all the L's. Are they all vampires? I guess they're all vampires. Is that the reveal? What a huge fuck-up. That's not too bad. That's shocking. No, rags, they're all vampires. They are? Yeah, that's the reveal that they're all vampires. Oh, okay. It's a trap for enhancing. Look at him go. He's going faster than the real guy. Man, that looks painful. It's my every face. Hang on, I really got to take my time with this one. Oh, wow. I know, wow. How did you have the opportunity to do that? One job. Oh, wow. You probably have broken his spine. I'm down here. Why are we hearing him out? Shouldn't we just be going? Who the fuck were those two? Man, he prepared this beeper when this would happen. Yeah, he knew. That's our cue. We practiced. Make angry faces at him. What are you doing? What the fuck are you doing? I'm flailing around him. Let's go. Now I know what it's for. Now I know what it's for. Okay. Where are you going? Wow, that was a risky move. He has a green goblin grenade. It vaporizes anything. It hits the entire castle. Yeah, yeah. No, it's the green goblin grenade from Spider-Man. Fuck you, Dracula. I think Dracula's okay. And hopefully Frankenstein's okay. It kills vampires. Oh, specifically vampires, right? Yeah. With the bright light and everything. And it zaps him. It's a mini- Well, everything except the skeleton is just sort of loud. Wait, has anyone tried that on Dracula? Have they tried the sun? Yeah. I feel like that really could have worked. I guess they tried the other stuff. Oh, boy. I practiced my backstroke of the West. He clearly didn't try very hard because he doesn't care. He's like, oh no. He couldn't swim harder. They're all taking it really well that their entire batch of vampires just got vaporized. I feel like he could go through those little holes. Yeah. They're yelling. Okay, pet the cat. Pet the cat. Yeah, we're good now. Counts ten backwards in Latin. Stop. You think? Yeah, we saw the hole like your eyes did a thing. Oh, we're here now. Oh, trench outfits as well. She changed into her outfit. Yeah. Whoever made that thing must be pissed that people keep throwing it. What have you learned? The Count Dracula was actually the son of Valerius the Hector, the son of your ancestor. Everybody knows that. What else? Oh, all right. Well, the audience doesn't. It's a lot of exposition scenes in this movie. Yeah, there's rich lore. What's wrong with poor lore, right? What the fuck? So that future generations might do it for him. That must be what my father was looking for in here. Guys, did you not see this behind me? This thing? It was about to animate. Guys, hang on. You didn't even look at it. No, you're going to miss a piece. You're missing the... Oh. This is the door. I can't finish the inscription. There's a piece missing. Oh, Jiminy Christmas. I just happened to have the piece we need. The father... Ta-da! Where did you get that? Don't ask. I got it from the cue scene. In the name of God, open this door. Oh, that was easy. They never scream that like accidentally. They're like, in the name of God, open this door. Why is the door yelling? Oh, it's a Matrix mirror. This is cold AF. Man, it's annoying. I thought he said it's cold. That's annoying. It's annoying. It's just a big freezer. Hey, look at this character taking a nearby torch with him because they figure it might be useful. Wow, dude. That seems like it could be a very lasting light source. No, never mind. Never mind. I'm frozen solid. We made it. The third act. Act three. Through the spooking glass. Look, that's it. Two torches. Wow. So smart. Two resourceful characters. Oh, spooky skeletons on stakes because he's Vlad the Impaler. Oh my God. I got it. Wow. Oh, no. Wow. They didn't even care if he came through or not. She's like, where the fuck up? Oh, you. I enjoy your shenanigans. They were like a meter away from it. I like that. That's how they explain you can't just go back through the mirror again. Being a retard. An in-universe explanation for the mechanics of the world. What? I don't know. Even Van Helsing can do it. I don't like explanations for the supernatural ranks. Why did you drop the torch? Oh my God. What the fuck? Jesus. Oh my God. That solves that. Could you let us know? No more tortures though. Yeah. Idiot. Why would there just be a hole? I guess because Dracula flies through it. I guess. Probably. I mean, why have the door? Who built this? When Dracula comes in and out, he flies. And stuff lit all the time? When he comes in, he jumps through and it's like nobody ever uses the door as a door. Just a wall. Wow, they got busy. How did you find it? It's impossible. Whoa. Jesus. Oh, wow. Please, please don't kill me. Why not? Well, uh, uh, uh. They put me in a nice cube. My tastes are so fucking cold. Dracula, he has a cure to remove the curse of the war. Damn. Why do you know this? I just happened to have that disease that he had in cure. Damn. You couldn't have told me this earlier. Well, they did mention it earlier, actually. Or at least they'd baited it earlier. Nah, he was talking to all doom and goom like, hey, maybe, uh, maybe somebody will have as much passion to kill you. Well, you're doomed. Yeah, but he didn't know about the cure at that point. So Dracula told it to him as he was being kidnapped? I don't know. He plays the way I have a cure. If he's in his room. Did you know? Pretty sick, huh? He's doing drag. I mean, I wouldn't get across this Dracula. He's very, he's a very open person. Also, is that like a penis snipper? What is that? If it was a penis snipper, it wouldn't have the big hole in the middle. Clearly you've never seen a cigar cutter. Maybe he's never seen a penis before. He doesn't know what to do. And he guessed and he ended up with that. It's like a penis snipper. Let's see if this works. Oh, this is the opposite. Wait, is it a penis snipper? What an oddly specific school that you have in your hand. The fucking sound on that thing. Dude, the swing sound was longer than when fucking Aragorn pulled out the sword and returned to the cave. Yeah, I don't really... Stop it. Stop it. Let me go. You actually heard when we first met and you said that my reputation was in your name, but I didn't. I still, I still think about that, honestly. Kind of weird to say that. Gets me going. And then he bites her lip. Oh, fuck. Sorry. Sorry. No, now we both got to get the cure. Who likes these? Does it do the amount of fuel being wasted? Those little Ewoks just walk around like a Dracula. It's like candles everywhere. Oh, this dude, he's just got this random little trolling thing up on the similar. He's not actually doing work. No, the whole day. He's just cycling around. So I guess all the midgets who couldn't get jobs in the Wizard of Oz, they had to do this. Is that really enough to hold Frankenstein? Well, he broke out of that in the intro. Maybe they've been a better one. He's not standing in the wall. Disappointed. Yeet. Yeet. My life really has sucked. I almost wish that lasted just a little longer. He's running up the stairs. Like a minute, like fun minute. Fucking. Do the, do the wolf bounce up the walls. Yeah. Okay. The wolf vaults. Wolf climb. We can just do it this way, I guess. You saw a jumpy thing you did earlier. Yeah. The wolf, what did I say? Wolf bounce. He looked at it and she threatened to snip his penis. It's just the same. This little umbrella syringe. This film has been so video game. Yeah. It's so great. Is it like horrible acid or something? Looks like syringes from Bioshock. Oh, yeah. What do they call it? Adam. Adam, yeah. What's that? That's Dracula's mojo. Oh, no. You tried to get Igor. Igor, get you. Nice one, Igor. The man of the languages. Tell him. Can't wait to tell his friends of the pub. He'll never guess. God. And then I kick the wolf right away. Oh, now he's using it. Yeah, that thing, remember? Oh, that's down. Oh, you can just walk through that thing. Oh, no. Oh, no, Frank. Ew. Yeah, until they hurt you. Carl. You guys have to agree. Is it Frank or is it Carl? It can't be both. Well, that was a different one. Frawrl. That was the start level. Crank and Frawrl. Carl's the start level. Oh, my God. Whoa. You're doing predator? Wait. So it's Hollywood, then, was it? No, it's just regular acid. Why would they put... I have no idea. Wait, no. So why would they put that thing in acid? Was he saying it was hot? I guess it's got the acid on it. Ooh. Can't go until I say you can go. Um... It's like inhotep from the mummy. She looks more attractive when her face is not melting off. I agree. That's my opinion. Not symmetrical at all. Hey. There's a nice little flit he did. Just spin the win, bitch. Who have tomato sauce on your lip? Oh, okay. Oh. Wait a second. Are you Mandalorian? She deseed from the game. She's gone. This doesn't seem safe. No, not really. Dude, that's not just huge. Oh, my God. Yeah. Look at that. Ooh. It's his prodder that he had earlier. Yeah, doggy prodder. Get him. Right. Lightning from the sky and lightning from a stick. Why are you doing this? It's what he does. I guess so. Yeah, that's true. I am accustomed to pain. Listen how you're alive. Oh, but holy shit, though. Little much. See? Oh, no. Oh, my God. He is so into this. Oh, my God. What? The midgets, they set on fire. This is the point they realized. Like, wait, were we expendable? Ew, testicle babies. Oh, he's nipping my bones now. Why do we have this lying here? This is the only thing it does. The only purpose that is served is to turn minions into bones. Oh, there's your payoff. Good. Oh, he goes far away. Damn it. That's it. Come on. What are you doing? Makes you want to run. Oh, my God. Dang it. No, the swingy one. This is why their faces are all fucked up. They get set on fire. Oh, man. He tried to get out. I'm your elder brother. Only by four seconds. It's actually ratty children. Oh. I'm sorry. After it's done, it just throws him out. Today has been really shit. Oh, my God. What is happening? Grab it out of the cables. He's swinging. Holy shit. He's going to stay and get any worse. He has the worst life. This was epic. This has been chased the whole time. It's nothing but misery. Oh, no. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, please. Oh, my God. No. Those urns. He's like, what the fuck just happened? Jesus. He's triggering his little butt prod thing as he was falling out. All the things. What the fuck was that scene? We go back to this plot thread, and they're still fucking with it. It's great. I thought she has X-ray version. What was that scene? I did not remember that. Oh, man. That was great. More of this. Just more of this. It's epic. Remember what your dead sister said about fucking with your prey? Yeah. It slaps and yeets, man. You're supposed to die. I want to live. All right, then. That's a bider arc, I suppose. We are going to resist. Okay. Tiny. Tiny. Oh, man. That arc was so tiny, it was basically just like a little piece of macaroni. Yeah, you stood on the whole thing instead of taking a stab across it. Wait, whoa, what was the plan? What? That's so much worse. This is the plan? I could barely hang on the floor. Wait, wait, wait. Now he's holding up. Oh, my goodness. Oh, wow. Oh, my God. What's going to happen? It's fucking broken. Oh, my goodness. You're on fire. What a horrible place to work. You're on fire. It's just every shift. That looked all right. His wings are a coat. I'm glad the midgets on fire aren't CGI. He's ripping his shirt off. I just want to address the fact that we were trying to get over laughing at the solution to saving Frankenstein before they're a log, and that it cuts to just Jawa's on fire. Yeah. Also, whoa, look at this, dude. Yeah. We are both part of the same great game, Gabriel. We're not different if you and I. I feel like we should move away, Dracula. You can tell where they cheaped out, but on some of these it looks really good. Yeah, they look all right. Oh, my God. I didn't even necessarily intend this, but yeah, we got Will, this is vampire. Yeah. Painting, but without... Yeah. More midgets on fire, just scrambling. I'm outraged. Why isn't Frankenstein in the fight also Invisible Man and others? That's reflexes, bro. Oh. Oh, damn. Frankenstein's like, what is my day? Oh, I love that. Dude, you're not here, man. Fucking go. It's going to pee. Wait, is she literally just going to ride this? Why does everybody consider this a safe transport system? I can't even walk on this shit. Well, this is the first time that's ever happened. I mean, the lightning just kept striking around him. This place does seem a little, you know, accident, you know, prone, you know. Why is this the plan? Good lord. Oh, geez. What? What is this? How are you... That was so necessary. What are you doing? Whoops. Very slippery, very rainy. Yes. Also, keep the syringe away from your skin, maybe. Yeah. Oh, geez. Nailed it. Oh, she's dead. She's dead. Oh. Well, she's holding on to something. And the syringe is clearly shattered. It was covered in snow. There was no way she was grabbing that. Dude, it's like a bug zapper. Oh. Oh, man. Whoa. Whoa. What a world I'm fucking around. I've had a really rough day, all right? It's a Frankenstein's monster kind of day. I'm not going to lie. She's just like, why won't you die? Like... Oh. Oh. I think if you're going to kill someone, kill them. Don't stand there talking about it. What? You know, if she's correct, she's not wrong. Yeah, I mean, there you go. Where did that even come from? Who threw that? It was thrown by a guy. What? Ew, wow. You know, I'm stunned. Like, it's amazing this film exists. I'm so glad it exists. I'm so glad it exists. We could make millions of fur affinity. Think of the documentary. Shit, this is not convenient. Now, now he's George of the Jungle. George, George of the Jungle. Why would you say that? We haven't seen swinging around in this film. Carl of the castle. What's he thinking about? On blood. Don't want to get out there and blow those clouds away. If you can teleport. Oh, well. You're not as fast as those horses, though, pussy. Some things are better left forgotten. You probably shouldn't... Oh, GG. Oh. See, I feel like this fight was over from the beginning. I activated damage. I'll fuck you up. Could Dracula even kill a will... Yeah, he's dead. Just because he bit him? That's how it works. That's a werewolf fight. A werewolf venom in everything in it. Oh, no. Oh, it does. It puts out the... There you go. Slow it. The only reason those things are fucking there is from that side. Do you see the skeleton? I'm afraid of needles. No, stop it. I'm squeamish. Oh, now you die. You have to be fair. She landed on a couch. Yeah, that was... Couldn't handle it. You could infer the rules of the universe. Hard surfaces, full soft. I, you know, that's beautiful. Let me pause you right there. Oh, it really was a doe. The subtitles would have had that big. Oh, no. Oh, no. Mark, is that bull noises? I do. I'm sorry. That was tad wolf noise. It's pretty hilarious that she died when he fell. When she's been through so much. Well, no, we know that she comes back in Underworld, right? Oh, yeah. Same universe. Underworld Rebirth? No. Underworld Revelations? Underworld Refund. Reloaded? Underworld Reloaded, yeah. This would make a good companion piece film to the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, honestly. It really kind of would. Oh, she's actually legit dead right now. She's died. Fake out? I even remember how. I even remember when I was younger. Fermi was getting flashbacks to this scene. He's like, wait a second. Did he make sure she's dead? It's super weird. Couches, man. Like the way that... It just doesn't make a lot of sense to watch it. Like, she just sort of dies. Yeah, she's just bleh. I'm going back to my people. I'm going to find a new fucking jacket. You guys suck, if I'm honest. He only gave me one ore. I'm growing in a circle, you fuckheads. What's his plan? I'm going to Atlantis. Dude, as soon as there's even the slightest of waves, he just falls. He's like, fuck. Five hours later, it's raining. It's night. It's miserable. Fucking bloody volleyball is gone. We need like a Simba Mufasa scene, but with her in the sky. Oh, yeah. Van Helsing. Kill them all. Kill them all who you are. You're a wizard, Van Helsing. You're a fucking wizard. You're a fucking werewolf. Look at that hat. Just needs to edit a point. Is that you, J-Bus? Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I was like, I seriously didn't remember any of this. Wow. He's with her brother and her family. Remember. It's no awkward. I remember she died. I don't remember his family being in the clouds. Where else would they be? I mean, I'm fine. He's like, yeah, but I didn't get the pussy. He's literally like, what the fuck am I seeing right now? It's like clearly the fumes from this funeral pyre are possibly the hallucinators. Were there any side effects of being cured of werewolfism? Yeah. What was in that needle, dude? First like a trip into. It's like, yeah. Contact high, baby. I'm seeing Dracula up there. I'm the only one who got laid in this movie. You're not funny, by the way. If this were made today, like they wouldn't have killed fucking anybody because they'd want to franchise it. Oh, yeah. Well, they'll kill everybody but the women. No, I mean like Dracula dying. That wouldn't happen. Oh, probably not. Well, they did try to do this as a reboot as a series and Dracula indeed did not die. Oh, fuck. Sorry. I thought you meant that that's I thought I was going to get like an after set credit scene of this show or something. I thought you meant like that he didn't die in this film. Written and directed. Oh, I remember my dad. That's nice. Of my dad. If my son made this movie for me, I'd be all right. I would be laughing and then I'd be like, I would be all right. I'd be like, hell yeah. I hope you do. This was funny. I don't know. The cable scene top notch, son. That was great. I had fun. That was great. That's a movie right there. That's one of them ones that works for me, especially drunk. Yeah. Wow. I'm not even drunk. I work perfectly. What an adventure. Yeah. I was completely lucid the whole time and I enjoyed it. Yeah. Good stuff. Really fun. I wasn't there event housing too, huh? I don't know. Did this one make money? Or was this back before they really wanted to franchise everything? That's the thing. I almost feel like this must have broke even at least because I remember a lot of people talking about this. There is a man housing too. Who's in it? Let me take a look. Okay. So the box office says that they did in fact make their money back. They made $300 million in the end. Yeah, boy. Yeah. Wouldn't that mean they broke even then? Oh, yeah. Because the budget was $160 million. 24% of critics approved of that. Fuck off. This is gold. Oh, fuck off. This is gold. This is silver, I might even say. Wait, but you said there was a sequel, right? What's the info on that? Yeah, just a second. So here's the thing. You fucking hate Trump? So what comes up for the last... So what comes up for Van Helsing too is a is a movie called The Last Sect. The person who plays Van Helsing is David Carradine. Was it written and directed by the same people? I'm going to go ahead and guess not. It depends on the time, I suppose. So I probably not. It looks like it's totally different. Like it's an unofficial sequel is what it kind of seems like. Yeah. It's a sequel only in nomenclature and nothing else. I hate gnomes. Apparently so does Dracula. Now there's a spoof movie called Stan Helsing. Yeah, I'm aware of that one. The film just lies there, weighted down by a complete lack of wit, artfulness, and internal logic. Wait, this movie... It's faster. A big, loud, boring wreck. This movie lacking internal logic. Of all the things you could say about this movie, boring is not one of them. It is not boring. That was so much fun. This movie is a ride. I feel we've learned a lot about how anyone can find anything boring in the past few weeks, Franks. Yeah, we have. Okay, yeah, I don't know if I guess. I like how we go from blind man. Oh, it's boring. It's like, all right, let's do the polar opposite. Van Helsing. Oh, that's boring. It's boring too. What do you guys want? Yeah, what do you want? You just went crack. They're like, well... If you have it. It's all boring and expensive, I guess. I'm curious. So the guy who made... Oh, Van Helsing gets more than what? Van Helsing season four. I'm sorry, what? There's a series that's got five seasons. Whoa. With nobody I recognize in it. I don't even think I've even heard of it. Good for them, though, getting five seasons. So Steven Summers, the singular writer-director for this movie, he did the mummy. Oh, that makes so much sense. That totally makes sense, yeah. Did he have anything to do with League of Extraordinary Gentlemen? It feels like... Good. Oh, man. But he did direct the Jungle Book. Do you mean Jungle Booker? No, like the Disney live-action Jungle Book. What a weird thing to do. Yeah, it wasn't that at least, like, okay before they started really taking a dive. Yeah, we're talking about the 94 one. Way back, the very first live-action one with the guy from... I want to say he was in Mortal Kombat. I was not aware that that was a thing. Well, you know that theme that... Da-da-la-da-da-da-da-da. Like, that shit was just reminding me of the Mummy Returns theme. That's what made me think that it made sense that you probably have the same composer. I want to check that, too. It evokes the period of mid-2000s to me. It was the executive producer of the Scorpion King Book of Souls in 2018. Actually, it makes so much sense. It's Alan Silvestri. So the Marvel thing makes sense, too. Oh, my God. Really? Ooh. We cracked the code, everyone. We did it. This web of inter-tangled... And he did the Mummy. ...directed directors and writers and musicians. I still want to know what did a writer happen of so much writer, I mean. Yeah, I do, too. This is gone. A forever mystery. Yeah, it's weird. So that was Van Helsing. That was Van Helsing. I already know that's going to be an E-Fab movie. There's plenty of this. That's great. That's how it works. It was an E-Fab movie. See, we can like things on E-Fab. Yeah. We're capable. We could do it. We like Bly Manor and Van Helsing. Yeah, I get it. Yeah, dude. At that point... I don't know if I like Bly Manor yet. We'll see. Get depth on. You'll dab you. Look out. I guess goodbye. There's another one. There's another one. There's another one. There's another movie. There's another werewolf thing there. Yeah. A penis-snipping device. I don't know. Yeah. Was that literally for snipping penises? It's like a midget's get out of line. Oh, no. It's a foes. It's the midget snipper. We've shot him. Stabbed him. Clubbed him. Traded with holy water. Staked him through the heart. No one knows how to kill Dracula. No. What did you bring me?