 Jalow again Darn it. I forgot how I used to say that check. Let's rehearse the commercial once more. We'll be on the air in just few minutes now later down Jalow again Jalow again Jalow again Mary Mary, I'm nervous enough without you throwing me off. We'll be on the air in a few minutes Why don't you study the script some script? I went through it five times and I can't find a single joke Well hold it up to the light. There must be some there Ha ha ha Josh I I don't ever remember being this nervous on an opening broadcast I guess I'll be all right as soon as I get my first laugh. That may take as clear into april Can you stop being so pessimistic you got plenty of funny stuff for tonight Yes, jack. I wouldn't worry about the script if I were you By the way, have you got the same writers you had last season? You mean scum and adnir Yes, they're still with me Incidentally, I wish they'd get here the last routine needs fixing up. Where are they? Oh, they're across the street at rose land dancing with each other The bald headed one thinks he's yolanda Oh, well Jalow Jalow again three minutes to go mr. Benny. Holy smoke. I don't know why I'm so jittery an old trooper like me Why should I be nervous just because we're broadcasting from new york? Well, maybe it's because you can remember when the indians were here Oh quiet. I'll tell you one thing mary nervous This is a sign of temperament and it proves that i'm a great artist. Hey don. Yes jack. You certainly are yep What's that fat guy won't say for money You you keep that up miss liby thing and when you get the first paycheck Dennis Dennis if you are a practice go out in the hall. I'm all on edge the way it is What's the matter mr. Benny? Well, we've been off the air since last may we'll be broadcasting in a few minutes Aren't you nervous? No, I'm happy. It'll be fun to start eating again What why why Dennis you poor kid if you needed money for food this summer why why didn't you come to uncle jack? Uncle jack's race are too high Now wait a minute when kenny baker needs money. Mr. Allen doesn't charge him any interest. He's very liberal Listen liberal listen get fred allen wouldn't give his grandmother a new tip for her crutch if he owned a rubber plantation Talk about saving money. He tried to get a transfusion from a chinaman so he could live on rights Imagine I'd keep quiet if I were you you took me to the store club the other night when the check came you pulled a knife on the waiter Well, where do they get that stuff a dollar and a half for a steak sandwich? Who wouldn't complain who wouldn't squawk? Well, I'm getting tired of being thrown out of every place we go Nobody was thrown out now listen mary two minutes to go mr. Benny. Yeah Hey, I wonder I wonder if the music is all set. Where's where's phil harris? There he is looking out the window Oh, yes. Gee has that guy changed gosh. He's so in love since he married alice. Yeah, oh phil Phil have you noticed fellows the leaves are turning brown. Oh my goodness Phil snap out of it now Now remember not to play your opening band number too loud phil because don has to do his commercial over it So so keep it down. I'll be very happy to thank See while he's in such a soft mood. I ought to slug him. I may never get another chance like this Now phil come to will you say jack? I'm not going to do this joke here. It's too corny. Where this one here Mary that's a topical gag. We have to do them topical or no topical I'm not going to say that you go out with a girl in brooklyn because you can't dodge her Dodger, don't you get it? Mary the brooklyn dodgers. That's a baseball joke. I had a bad I hit you right over the head with us Fine attitude now. Look, I'm the boss here and if you don't take jack here comes our sponsor. Whoops the sponsor. Oh Oh, hello, uh, hello, mr. Mortimer. Hello jack. Hello mary and everybody Well, mr. Mortimer, we're just about set for our first broadcast. Are you going to listen to the show this year? I mean this evening Yes jack, and I hope it'll be funny. We don't want to get off on the wrong foot. You know, no, no, we don't know indeed No, no sir, you know the public they can tune you out just as fast as they can tune you in oh faster faster I mean, yes, sir. It's up to them. All right. One minute to go. Mr. Bennet. Okay. Okay. Get ready fellas Now mr. Mortimer, you've looked over the script and everything is fine. I hope yes jack There's only one thing. I don't like. Why don't you? Oh, yes. Yes. Oh absolutely Wadley tells you oh Oh, oh, yes. Now. What was that suggestion more to middomer mr. Mortimer Uh What's wrong now if there's anything you don't jack here your rider my riders. Oh back from rose land day Listen you guys. Where's our last routine? Look, we want a cup All right, you'll want a cup your wonderful dancers Now go in the other room and pick up our last spot on what on what where's your typewriter? We bet it on luluba Oh my goodness. Well use a pencil anything get it done. Okay, come on your land Don't encourage them Isn't that awful you'll have to excuse a mr. Mortimer now. What was that gag you didn't like The one miss livingson tells about your girl in brooklyn that drives a dodge Oh, no, no, mr. Mortimer You've got that wrong. She drives a dodger. I mean I go I go with a girl in brooklyn because I can't dodge her It's very funny. Don't you get it? Now just what is there between you and this woman nothing nothing mr. Mortimer I don't even know her. It's only a joke in 10 seconds. Stand by everybody. Okay. Come on fellas Let's give him a good show on your toes. Well, what about that joke? All right, mr. Mortimer You're the boss take it out mary. Take it out. Take it out. I thought you were the boss not when he's here Take it out. Take it out. Jack jack quiet. We're on the air. Take it. Oh Jello again, pardon me. That's too soon quiet everybody quiet. We're on The jello program brought to you by jello and jello puddings coming to you from new york city Starring jack benny with mary livingston philharis denis day and yours truly don wilson the orchestra opens a program with high neighbor News news big news good news the most exciting news in years for dessert lovers everywhere It's news about jello your favorite everybody's favorite the one and only jello But so new so much better than any jello dessert has ever been You'll hardly be able to believe it and what's the reason why it's jello's new locked in flavor the most revolutionary improvement in jello dessert's ever made Before jello made this discovery jello dessert constantly lost flavor right up to the very moment you use them But the new jello is different today by means of a new exclusive process all of jello's full original goodness Is locked right into the little jello particles for keeps so time can't steal it away prove it for yourself Buy a package of jello open it. Notice that there's no sweet fruity aroma. No sign of escaping flavor whatsoever Then make it up the instant you dissolve it. There it is The clear rich vivid flavor of jello treasured up for your enjoyment by jello's new locked in process Don't wait another day to try it get several packages of jello j-e-l-l-o tomorrow the flavor never goes away. We put it in it's there to stay By the orchestra now ladies and gentlemen for the first time this season We bring you our master of ceremonies a man who has missed you as much as you have missed him or have you jack benny Thank you. Thank you. Uh jello again. This is jack benny talking and don isn't it wonderful to be opening our season here in New York for a change. There's so much going on so much excitement and everything. Yes jack I've never seen the old town so crowded. Why not all the new shows opening the lewis nova fight the world series Have you seen any of the games don? No, I haven't jack. I knew it would be terribly crowded and I didn't want to get pushed around Look who's worried about being pushed around there Now wait a minute jack that fat stuff isn't going to be believable this year I was on a diet all summer and I lost eight pounds eight pounds Don taking eight pounds off of you is like losing a homing pigeon Look in your backyard and there it is But speaking speaking of crowds don I went to ebbets field yesterday and boy those brooklyn fans go absolutely crazy Billy you never saw anything like it. Yes. I read where a lot of people even had the clothes ripped off You said it don I can understand what happened to my hat my tie and my shirt But how I lost my art supporters. I'll never know My shoes were still on There must have been quite an experience. Oh, I wouldn't want to go through that again for oh, well. Hello, Mary. Hello. Hello, Don Oh, hello, Mary. How are you? Well, Mary here. We are in new york again and believe me. We couldn't have picked a better time Yeah, things are sure popping. Yes, sir Jack and I were just talking about all the people that came here for the fight in the world series Yep hotels are so crowded. It's hard to get the accommodations you're accustomed to Oh, it's murder. I'll say jack had to take a room with a bath Now wait a minute sister. I always get a room with a bath none of that walking down the hall for me Oh, no no, then why do you always buy hiking shoes with your pajamas Mary you keep that up and I won't take you any more shows. You're not the only girl I know around here. That's right. You know don jack goes with a girl in brooklyn because he can't Hold it. Hold it. Take it out. Take it off. What's the matter with you? Mary, we can't do that gag. The sponsor's sitting in the front row. That's all right. He's asleep Well a big laugh will wake him up. Just remember, Mary, we're not doing any corny gags on this program Correction, look who's coming. Hi you folks. Here's your little ray of california sunshine make me happy That's plenty folks. I'm the star here. Well, um Phil, Phil, I haven't seen you since last June. Neither have I Phil. Do you look great? Why not? I'm in love I feel like a million bucks. Well, Mary, sure agrees with them. Hey Phil, did you bring Alice with you? Did I bring Alice with me? My baby's always with me. Listen to him. Did you fly or take the train? Who knows Jackson? Who knows? Well, I'll be darned. Ah folks, ain't love grand. What hotel are you stopping at, Phil? Well, you know them two big towers on the wall door for Storia? Yeah, we're living on a cloud right above them On a cloud. Hey, Jack, maybe you can get one without a bath. Mary Well, failure sure got it bad. You know, I haven't been a... Oh, hello Dennis. Hello, Mr. Benny Well folks, here's your little squirt of california irons juice. Applaud on me Well, Benny, buddy. Here we are the Jell-O gang all together again. Now, have you been enjoying yourself, Dennis? Yeah, I've been listening to the world series games on the radio. Those dodges are a cinch to win. Oh Oh, so you're uh, so you're a brooklyn fan, eh? They are moiterums Well, I don't I don't know about that, Dennis. Those Yankees are pretty powerful. Bylone, there get a brooklyn They're sure they were supposed to play at Abbott's Field Friday and they didn't even show up Well, well naturally it rained Friday. Oh, yeah Dennis they don't play baseball when it rains Now look, Dennis, if you're so sure of the Dodgers and they certainly had a tough break today, I'm sorry Leo But uh, how would you Dennis if you're so sure of them? How would you like to make a little bet? I haven't eaten since May and he wants to bet Oh, yes, I forgot about that I'll tell you what Dennis right after the broadcast meet me over at the store club And I'll buy you a nice safe dinner the store club. What jack I thought you just never mind, don't never mind It's um, it's a date Dennis. Uh meet me there But it's always so crowded mr. Benny howl I find you if you come at the right time. They'll throw him right in your face Mary one more crack out of you and you'll be holding that cake of ice in the new Olson and Johnson show They're looking for talent Uh, now Dennis, yes, please Time is fleeting. So how about entertaining us with a number? Are you in good shape for a song? It rained, he says it did Now sing wait a minute. I'll take it Hello, oh mr. Benny. This is Rochester Rochester, where are you? I'm up here at the Lenny's Avenue. If at first you don't succeed roll them again close Oh shooting dice, eh? How much are you ahead ahead boss if I was winning this phone call would be purely social Oh, oh, so that's it. Well Rochester don't expect to borrow any more money from me. What boss now look boss I'll get a gentleman stand back Rochester, who are you talking to some fraternity brothers? 22 Freddy Well, I'm very sorry Rochester, but I can't advance you any more money Look boss, how about sending over that 50 dollars I won from you on the lewis nova fight the lewis nova fight I told you before I do not owe you that money, but boss. I'll get a gentleman for that thing Rochester Our bet was that nova would be knocked out knocked out. Yes Now you see lewis couldn't have knocked out nova because nova had what you call a yogi cosmic punch He's been perfecting it for months. Uh That cosmic punch is something brand new. It's never been used before impractical ain't it? You don't understand Rochester. I'm not going to explain it to you. So goodbye. But wait a minute boss gentlemen, please Rochester Rochester sir, I'm gonna hang up now. I'll discuss this with you tomorrow You have to discuss it with my yogi because I'm gonna be a step Don't be such a coward. Goodbye. I like to come to york just once without Rochester getting into trouble sing better I'm coming along by dentist a and very very good and now ladies and gentlemen Hey, mr. Benny, what is it kid? Do you know where I can get a ticket for the game tomorrow? I'd sure like to see the Dodgers play Well, I've only got a pair of them dentists for mary and myself Do you want to go tomorrow mary? Sure? I do. I paid for my ticket and I'm going Oh, you speculator You paid just what I paid I'm sorry dentists. Why don't you give them your ticket? You've been out to every game and haven't seen one of them All right. So I left my glasses in california. Anyway, I told you I don't need glasses go on You can't even read the news flashes on the times building without them. Well, those letters move That's why you should have seen him last night running round and round the building trying to get the headline No quiet And now ladies and gentlemen, but jack what about those glasses you're wearing right now don they came this morning airmail specials So I'm wearing them big thing over nothing And now ladies and gentlemen, you don't need your glasses, eh? Tell them what happened in ebbetsfield yesterday nothing happened, you know when you try to carry mary, but wasn't very tell us about it Well jack and I went over to brooklyn and when we got to ebbetsfield boy, was it proud? I told him about the crowds Anyway Well, anyway, as jack told you he's left his glasses in hollywood So as we walked through the gates, he kept saying to me. Are you sure this is the place mary? Are you sure? Are you sure? Are you sure this is the place mary? Are you sure? mary mary, where are you? Don't get panicky. I'm right here in front of you I'll take hold of my hand. You promise to lead me Now stick close the idea of coming to the ball game without your glasses, you know, you can't see a darn thing Don't worry. I can see all right as a matter of fact. Whoops. Oh, oh pardon me, madam. That's all right, bud I mean sir So proud of here. I can't tell a man from a woman. Where are seeds right over here follow me Hot dogs get your hot dogs get your red out here hot dog old timer. Yeah, where are you? Where is he? Where are you? Just follow the garlic. Oh Oh, yes. Yeah, give me two hot dogs, buddy. You want the regular or the king size The regular will be all right. Yes, sir. Here you are. Thanks. This hot dog sure smells good. You said it Oh, pardon me, mr. But you're putting the mustard on my thumb Oh, oh, I'm sorry. It just so happens that What what what's that? What happened mary? Where who what what what happened? Hurry up jack the game started. I hope we haven't missed much. Where are our seats right down here by the first baseline Oh, nice and close. Hey, hello, mary. Hi, jackson. What's cooking? Who's that mary? Jeepers, he's deaf too Oh, oh, that's phil harris. Hello phil. What a game. What a game. Yes, sir. Who are you betting on phil? Cincinnati jackson. I'm in love and he's gonna be a father What a guy pee after the game phil here we are Oh, hey jack look at that. Where who what what look at what where say something There's a great big guy sitting in our seats. Oh, there is a well straighten him out I'm sorry, mr. But you're sitting in my seat. So what? Here's what look bud. You you'll just have to get out of my seat or i'll throw you out Oh, you will huh? Well, let's see you do it Now listen pal. I don't care if you are a sailor get out of my seat That's a policeman. Oh Well blue is blue till my glasses get here Move over a little mary. I'll sit on half of your seat. Okay What's that what what what happened mary? What boo boo boo? What what happened? What's going on? They call the third strike on camille and the Yankees are coming up to bat. Oh, where do you get boy? She's tough. Oh, Adam. Why do you want to kill the umpire? We was once engaged Oh, oh, it's poison. Oh, I mean it's personal Oh boy, what a game Who what what what are they cheering? What's going on mary? What? DiMaggio is coming up to bat. Oh boy. Now. There's a guy that can really hit Hooray for DiMaggio Madam watch that right Gee, there's a fan for you. Huh? Yeah, the Dodgers sure are popular You said it say that gives me an idea mary I just thought of a terrific gag for our program next sunday. What is it? Well, you say to don wilson jack goes with a girl in brooklyn because he can't dodge her this same here No, no, no. Look a Dodger Dodger. Don't you get it? It's a topical gag and the sponsor will love it. Ha ha ha. It's terrific I ain't laughing When I want your opinion officer, I'll ask for it. You see mary when don says to you What what what's that? What happened mary? mary? What happened? What what? DiMaggio hit a fly. Oh, it's a foul ball and it's coming this way. It is. Oh, yeah Stand back everybody. I got it. Well, he got it. Throw some water on it. What happened? Who who where where where am I see don? That's exactly what happened when jack went to the ball game yesterday without his glasses Well, I bet you're glad you got him out jack. You'll enjoy the game today. Oh for heaven's sake. Are you going to believe mary? Look don. Here's what really happened when medwig hit that foul ball. That was DiMaggio. All right, DiMaggio When DiMaggio hit that foul ball, I saw it coming my way. I stood up and caught it with one hand You know down when I was a kid I used to play shortstop with a war king and wildcat Why we used to be the best teams in the league canosha race team zine city highland park why there was nothing to it Luscious red cherries rich crimson cherry jello Cherries and cherry jello put them together and you have one of the most dazzling and delicious desserts that ever brighten the table Next week's jack Benny special now being featured by your grocer All you need to make this grand red cherry mold is one package of jello imitation Cherry flavor and one can of red cherry And next week at most grocers you can buy them both as a combination and when you get them home Just dissolve the cherry jello and hot water as you usually do Next chill your jello until it's slightly thickened fold in two cups of canned red cherries Then mold and place in the refrigerator and confirm And serve it with a garnishing of orange sections and mint It's an easy recipe to remember just cherry jello and canned cherries And it makes up one of the most enticing desserts you ever tasted So get a can of cherries and a package of cherry jello tomorrow sure A special combination at most grocers next week. Remember jello's new process of locked-in flavor gives all the flavor always This is the last number of the first program in the new jello series And we will be with you again next sunday night again broadcasting from new york city Oh, mr. Mortimer. Did you like the program? mr. Mortimer Mr. Mortimer. Oh, don't wake him up jack. Oh, that's right. Good night, jony. Good night folks. Sleep tight, mr. Mortimer Remember folks when you order jello tomorrow be sure to order several packages of jello puddings There's jello chocolate pudding and the more luscious creamy dessert you just couldn't imagine It has a smooth mellow flavor developed exclusively for jello chocolate pudding by the famous walter baker chocolate people And that makes every spoonful of this grand dessert a real delight If you ever thought it was impossible to make a pudding the way grandmother could well just try jello chocolate pudding It has all the rich tantalizing goodness of a pudding that's homemade yet. It's so much easier and inexpensive So when you ask your grocer for jello ask for jello puddings in all three flavors chocolate vanilla and butterscotch Honestly jello puddings are just like grandmas only more. So this is the national broadcasting company kfi los angeles