 The Craft Foods Company, makers of parquet margarine, presents Willard Waterman as the Great Gilded Sleeve. The Great Gilded Sleeve is brought to you transcribed by the Craft Foods Company. During the year now drawing to a close, we have appreciated the confidence you have shown through your purchases in all the fine food products which your grocer has brought to you from craft. You may be sure that craft products will continue to merit your confidence in the future as they have in the past. And that the name craft on any label will continue to be your guide to the very finest in foods. Gosh, just imagine, tomorrow night's Christmas Eve. Boy, am I ready for it. My uncle's about ready too. He's the Great Gilded Sleeve. Uncle's a great guy. He'll do anything for you if he likes you. Next to me, I guess he likes Miss Irene Henshaw best. You should have seen him when I came home from school last week and told him what she was planning with his rival, Dr. Olson. Oh, holy Roy. I'll be ready in just a few minutes. You're late, my boy. I wanted to give you time to hide any new presents you may have for me. What makes you think I have any presents? What makes you keep your room door locked this week? Well, tell you the truth. I've got Santa Claus locked up in there. I want to be sure he stops here first. Yes, sir. Is he in that big red box in the corner or is he under your bed with all those other packages? Young man, how do you know what's in my room? I shinnied up the big tree by a window and looked in. Leroy. Leroy and I are really looking forward to Christmas, Mr. Gilded Sleeve. Did you shinny up the tree too, Bertie? No, sir, not me. I don't know what's in that room. I can't even get in there with the vacuum cleaner. Well, the room will be cleaned out after Christmas. And so will I. Hey, young, guess what your girl is going to do at school? Yeah, I don't know. And I'll thank you not to refer to Miss Henshaw as my girl. Okay. Sweetie. She's your school principal. Okay, okay. Well, what's she going to do, Leroy? She's going to have a tree in the gymnasium with presents for all the needy kids in town. Yeah? That's nice. Yeah, some of us kids are going to help collect presents. I tried to get Irene on the phone all day. Figured she was busy with something. Yeah, she and Dr. Olson have been busy all right. Dr. Olson? He's been huddling with her all day. Uh-oh. What does that pushy intern have to do with it? Oh, he just offered to help her arrange everything. She has to rustle up a lot of gifts somehow. Well, the only reason Olson is helping is to be near my girl. Yeah, I mean Miss Henshaw. Well, Dr. Olson's a nice guy, honk. Yes, yes. Leroy, you can't sell that to Mr. Guildsley. No, indeed. Olson isn't doing this just because it's Christmas. He's catering to Irene. Just trying to cut me out. Is he jealous out? Most certainly not. But what does Clarence Olson know about organizing a thing like this? He's not a businessman. He's just an intern studying to be a surgeon. He's got this operation sewed up. Well, I wouldn't stoop to such obvious tactics. Oh, no, sir. But maybe I should go over to Irene's this evening and offer to help before Olson bungles it. Yes, sir. I think you should get into a hurry with it, too. Jealous of that curly-haired intern. Well, maybe I am. Doc Morton, come in. Thank you, Irene. Let me take your hat and coat. I'll just put them right here in the chair. That way, you and I'll have to sit in the couch. Oh, you're quite a schemer, aren't you? You bet. Yeah. I tried to get you on the phone today. Oh? Leroy tells me you're having a big Christmas party for the kids. Yes, I thought it might be nice. I'm a little hurt because you didn't ask me to help. I'm sorry, Doc Morton. Clarence Olson volunteered first, and I know you're a beau who doesn't like to play second fiddle. Of course, I don't want to say anything against Olson, but this is a job for a businessman. Yes, I realize it'll take a lot of doing. He wants to come over tonight and make plans. Yeah, I know what his plan is. Besides, I'm here first. Well, Throckmorton, we need all the help we can get. We have to decorate the tree, collect toys to put under it. Some of them will have to be mended and painted. Yeah, that must have been Olson's idea. No, it's mine. Well, that Olson's such a sneaky character. He probably made you think it was your idea. Throckmorton, Clarence never talks about you. He doesn't? In fact, he never mentions your name. That's the worst thing he could say about me. Well, how would you stage this Christmas party and provide the toys? Me? Well, I'd organize the thing. I'd get some money behind it. Who's? Well, I've been thinking about that. With my influence, I could put the Jolly Boys Club behind this project. Oh? The city has a vacant lot we can use. We'll sell Christmas trees and buy presents with the profits. Well, I hadn't thought of selling trees. Say, Irene, the craft choristers are in town for a concert. Yeah, I'll bet I can get them to come out and sing a couple of songs. Oh, that would be wonderful. Yeah, there's a way of doing these things, Irene, if you just come to the right party. Just imagine rows of trees, people flocking in to buy them. Oh, Throckmorton, you've got me buying the toys already. We will have mistletoe for sale. Plenty of mistletoe. Yes, if I know you, you will have mistletoe. You bet. Just imagine I'm holding some over your head right now. Well, I have a good imagination. Eh, no. I love Christmas. Right, George, I sure made a hit with Irene. She likes an executive type fellow who gets things done. Well, I better stop in Peavey's and start telling the jolly boys the plans I've made for them. I'll have to sign them certain days to work on the lot. Hello, Peavey. Yeah, hello, Mr. Goundersley. What can I do for you? Peavey, I want to talk to you. That's all you want to do is talk. I'll just keep on with what I'm doing. Well, I was just talking to Irene Henshaw. Six and two and eight and three and eleven. Peavey, what are you doing? I'm making out my bank deposits. Three, seven and ten. Can't that wait? Mr. Goundersley, do you want to buy something? No. I'm dealing with people who have bought something. Fourteen and three and seventeen. One hundred and eighty-seven dollars. Peavey, listen to me. That isn't important. Do you have anything to say that's worth one hundred and eighty-seven dollars? Oh, my goodness. Look, I have a great idea. Yes, indeed. Jolly boys are going to sell Christmas trees to raise money. We can use it. We've got two dollars and sixty-nine cents in the treasury. Peavey, we're going to spend this money on the kids. To me, I'm the biggest kid of anybody around Christmas. Yes, yes. I got the Christmas spirit this morning. Before I left for the pharmacy, I chucked Mr. Peavey under the chin. She said I was a big, overgrown kid. Oh, my goodness. Well, here's Chief Gates. Hello, Peavey. Hello, Chief. Chief Gates, just the man I want to see. Not many people want to see the chief of police. Ho, ho, ho. Well, I do. Just because it's Christmas, I'm not tearing up any parking tickets. No, no, I don't want any favors. I just want you to sell some Christmas trees for me. I've taken on a little project for the Jolly boys. Well, this is news to me. Yeah, it was to me too, and I'm president of the club. No, don't be offended because I come up with the good ideas. I promised Ms. Henshaw we'd sell trees to buy presents for her Christmas party. Well, I'm not invited to her party. No, it's for needy kids, Chief. Oh, count me in. Fine. Now, I know where to get a truckload of trees. We'll put them on that city lot in the corner of 4th and Main. That should be a busy corner around Christmas. It's right across the street from the loan company. I have the trees there tomorrow, and we Jolly boys will be on hand to sell them. Oh, I have to run the pharmacy, Mr. Gilders, please. Of course, I could slip over for a little while after I close at night. Look, Peavey, I'm going to make arrangements to be there. Yeah, but you don't have anything to do. You have a political job. Oh, what about you, Chief? I can't run off and leave nobody at jail but the prisoners. Those fellows get lonesome. Oh, my goodness. Well, let's not forget it's Christmas. Those fellows are away from home. You all right? I'll drop over when I can. What about the judge? He's trying a case in Center City this week. What about Floyd Munson? He's got a barbershop to run, but I'm sure he'll help out at night. And I'll be there right after the prisoners go to sleep. Oh, fine. Looks like none of you fellows can come over until all the customers have gone to bed. Sorry, Commissioner. You're willing, but I understood Dr. Olson was going to help Miss Henshaw with the party. Peavey, you know Irene would rather I take the initiative than Dr. Olson. You will know I wouldn't say that. Location for seven trees, Uncle. Yeah, let's set up some more, Leroy. Hold this tree while I nail on the stand. Why don't you hold the tree while I nail on the stand? Oh, no. You hit my thumb three times. That shows I need the practice. Just hold the tree. That does it. Well, that's enough trees, Uncle. You haven't sold a one. They'll start moving after the craft coasters come out here and sing a couple of carols. You're really coming, huh? Yeah. We'll have to get these lights strung around before they show up. Hello there. Well, hello, Irene. Hi, Miss Henshaw. Hello, Leroy. I thought I'd come over to see how many trees you sold. Tell her, Uncle. Yeah, well, you were just getting set up. You know, I'm having to do this single-handed. Oh, what happened to the Jolly Boys? Well, they can't give as much time to it as I'm getting. This is a fine thing you're doing for those children. Yeah. He's not doing it for the kids. He's doing it for you. Young man, string the lights. Sure. Craft bus. Oh, you are going to have carols. You bet. Hey, look at all the people. Srockmorton, you're a genius. Well, I'll do until a genius comes along. Mr. Guilders-Leave? Oh, hello, Mr. Heaston. This is Miss Henshaw. She's sponsoring the Christmas party. How do you do, Miss Henshaw? How do you do? It was nice of you and the group to come, Mr. Heaston. Oh, it's our pleasure. We'll be ready to go in a moment, Mr. Guilders-Leave. Great. Fire when ready. Hey, Uncle. Yes, Leroy. Do you suppose they'd mind if I went over and stood with them and helped them sing? Leroy, we're trying to attract people and not frighten them away. Ladies and gentlemen... Shh, he's going to make an announcement, I think. We are happy to present the craft choristers under the direction of Gerhard Schroeth. Their first selection will be It Came Upon a Midnight Clear. That was beautiful. Craft employees, too. Well, we're attracting a crowd, all right. I'll say. He said they'd sing a couple of numbers and then we'll start selling trees. Can I sell some trees while they're singing? Shh, listen, Leroy. Some customers, Srockmorton. Heck, I'm going to start selling. Let them pick out their trees. All right, George, the old world seems pretty uncooperative at times. But when you try to do something good, a lot of people get behind you. Christmas is always a memorable time for everyone. And especially for the great man, Srockmorton P. Guilders-Leave. He's been helping Miss Irene Henshaw with plans for her Christmas party for needy children. As school principal, Miss Henshaw makes quite a point of giving credit where credit is due. And she isn't forgetting the great Guilders-Leave's contribution because he won't let her. You know what I tell you, Irene? I knew I'd put this thing over big. Didn't I tell you? You told me. Look, I'm a lot here. We're practically sold out of Christmas trees the first day. I told you we didn't need that Clarence Olsen. You told me, you told me. Well, while there's a lull, let's count all the money we've taken in. I've already counted it. I've got my pockets full of it. Leroy, I will carry the money. Oh, sure. Hello, everybody. Hi, Dr. Olsen. Clarence, I've been wondering what happened to you. Hello, Olsen. I got tied up at the hospital, Irene. What'd you do? Bandaged yourself to a bed? Well, you aren't glad to see me, are you, Srockmorton? We've managed to get along without you. Just look at the money we've taken in for Irene's party. We've done surprisingly well, Clarence. Yes, it surprises me, too, Irene, especially with him in charge. Oh, I should, Olsen. Give me the bankroll, Gilda Sleave. I'll go buy presents for all the kids. You keep your sterilized pinkies off, my man. All right. You buy the gifts and I'll present them at the tree. You'll present them? Well, I was to play Santa Claus, wasn't I, Irene? Well... Oh, look, Olsen, I'll be Santa Claus. But, Gilda Sleave, you've done so much. You told us that yourself. You bet. And after I've knocked the home run, you aren't going to pose for the picture. And now, please, boy... I volunteered to help Irene raise money for her Christmas party long before you and the Jolly Boys came in. Well, when I came in, you went out. I won't argue with you, but I'll be Santa Claus. Oh, for... Hey, Yuck, I sold another tree. Good for you, my boy. Wonderful, Leroy. Yeah. Well, I haven't quite figured out how to attach the wires to the switch. Oh, I'll do that, Gilda Sleave. I undoubtedly understand wiring better than you. Uh, shouldn't you call an electrician? No, no, Irene. I can do it. Hands off, Olsen. I'll do it. Well, I wouldn't do it while standing in that slushy snow. When I need advice from you... Oh! For Christmas tree lots of big success, Bertie. I sure am glad. Well, it was planning, organization, know-how. Yes. Speaking of know-how, you should have seen Uncle when he tried to connect my lights on the loss. Don't tell me they wouldn't light up. No, but I did. Well, I was just nervous. That Olsen breathing down my neck telling me how to do this, how to do that, trying to cop the credit. He even wants to be Santa Claus, Bertie. Yes, sir. Who's it going to be, Uncle? You or Dr. Olsen? I know who's going to be Santa Claus, Leroy. I may as well go up in the attic right now and get out of his suit because I know who's going to be Santa Claus. Yeah, good idea, Bertie. You know that pushy intern did ask Irene first. I don't know who asked first, but I know who's going to be Santa Claus. Yeah, well, Bertie... I don't know what's wrapped up in them packages, and I don't know what's under the tree, and I don't know what's in the stocking, but I know who's going to be Santa Claus. You think I should, Bertie? I don't know who should, but I know who is, so I'm going up in the attic and get this suit. Well, as long as Bertie insists on getting the suit, I'm going to insist on wearing it. This is to get the Jolly Boys to back me up. After all, it has become a Jolly Boys project. Olsen has nothing to do with it. Hello, Pee-Vee. Oh, hello, Mr. Gonesley. Hello, Chief. Hello, Commissioner. We were over at the lot last night, but there were no trees left to sell. Well, I did a good job if I do say so myself. What's the meeting about, Mr. Gonesley? As you fellas know, I took this out of Olsen's hands and raised the money for the guests myself. Now, guess who wants to be Santa Claus? You? Well, why shouldn't I? I made it a Jolly Boys project. I sold the trees. Why shouldn't I pass out the presents? Well, you've done too much, Mr. Gildersleeve. I think it's time I got on the job. What do you mean? I'd like to donate my services and be Santa Claus. Pee-Vee, you don't look like a Santa Claus. I do to miss it, Pee-Vee. She considered me a very convincing Santa Claus. Well, she's prejudiced. You're not big enough for Santa Claus. Well, I can tie on a couple of pillows. I'd rather wear them at Christmas than to have to carry them around all year like you do. Now, wait a minute, fellas. Why don't we arbitrate this thing? I'll be Santa Claus. Chief, that's not the way you arbitrate. But Santa's supposed to be a Jolly Fellow. Well, I've got the voice for it. Oh, brother. Chief, you sound like a walrus lost in the fog. Well, if the chief of police can't play Santa Claus to those kids, you fellas better not run afoul of the law next year. You know, if it'll take some, let's not have a Santa Claus if it's gonna cause an uproar. No Santa Claus? I think Pee-Vee has a good idea. Well, all right, all right. I'll call Olson and tell him we've all agreed not to have a Santa Claus. What do you say, fellows? In the interest of harmony, no Santa Claus. No Santa Claus? No Santa Claus. They don't know I have my fingers crossed for the gym so nobody'll see me. Is that you, Aunt? Yep. Old Santa in person. I thought you fellas weren't having a Santa. Well, I couldn't disappoint a bunch of kids just because we adults had a squabble. Leroy, how did you know me in this Santa suit? You're the only not-need Santa in... Has Irene shown up? Yeah, she's inside arranging the presents under the tree. She'll be surprised. Yeah. Aren't you cheating a little on the boys? Well, as I told Leroy. Greetings from the North Pole. Olson. Olson, that's a sneaky trick. That you behind that bearded girl to sleep, I thought it was father time. Yes, yes, what a snide Santa Claus. What is this, a convention? Here comes two more. Oh, Miss Angel. That sounds like Chief Gates. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. I bet you don't know who I am. Hi, Mr. Peavey. Peavey, I thought you fellas weren't gonna dress up like Santa Claus. Well, he is. Look at you, Mr. Gildersleeve. I'm really the only one who has any business in costume. I volunteered first. Gentlemen, this is ridiculous. Yeah, your suits don't fit. And all of you look like a bunch of phonies. That's just what they're being, Leroy. Phonies. What's that? Before I say anything else, I want to thank you for all you've done to help me. But somewhere along the line, we've kind of lost sight of the goal. Yeah, but Irene. Now, we started out to provide a good Christmas for needy children. Not to satisfy your inflated egos. You L Irene. Why don't you listen? The children are waiting to come in. So I want you men to take off those silly suits, roll up your sleeves, and pass out the packages. It isn't the suit and funny whiskers that make the Christmas spirit. It's what's inside. By George, she's right. Hey, Olsen. Yes, she's right. And Mrs. Peavey didn't really like me in their suit anyway. Well, I guess I'm the biggest offender. I was anxious for the kids to know what I'm doing. I wore them a badge on the outside of Miss Anderson. Kids come, shall I light the tree? Well, we've had the light thrown on us. Let's light up the tree. Merry Christmas, Rock Morton. Merry Christmas, Irene. In all you would-be Santa Clauses. This is a gilder sleeve again, friends. You know, we have a lot of fun all during the year, and we hope we're able to pass some of it on to you. But I suppose Christmas time is the nicest time of the year, full of gaiety and good cheer, time for friendliness and peace. All of us who bring you this show, the men and women at Kraft, the entire Gilder sleeve cast and myself, wish you a holiday season filled with all these things. A very merry Christmas from all of us to all of you. Transcribed. Here you bet your life with groucho marks on the NBC radio network.