 My camera is currently dangling upside down off a tree. I've come down to Oxbridge today just because I wanted to film a video, I wanted to do my nude, I didn't want to go into the centre so I came here. It's okay. I decided to dangle my camera upside down off a tree. Yeah, that's my life. We're filming on a bend because Livia doesn't want to stand to film and I'm also tired and want to have a drink. So, yay! The signs and symptoms I have with association, then I go on about what it is and what the safety matter causes. Alright then, bye child. It's like here. What's up guys? So, you know, yesterday and the day before I was going through a bit of a depression. Depressive days because obviously everything that went on was emotional as hell and you know, I'm honest about that. I showed you what it did to me. Yeah, this video is not talking about that. This video is just talking about dissociation. I spent the last two days pretty much entirely out of it. Yesterday I didn't wake up until about five in the evening and then I fell asleep by nine. I was very tired on the whole Thursday. I went to speak to my GP and I got my medication increased and then today's Saturday I have decided to come out and you know, have a play about with my camera and I'm going to hang you upside down on off a tree. If there's fours, it's game over. So this video is about dissociation and what on over or as a whole, what is it, what are the symptoms of it. I'm going to talk about my own experience primarily. I also have a thing from DSM. I have written on my trusty piece of paper some of the signs and symptoms that I have with dissociation. But sometimes I feel invisible. Like I will message someone and say, do you still like me even though I'm invisible? I wholeheartedly can sometimes be in a state where I believe I'm invisible and it's a very complicated and confusing thing to try and you know, comprehend. Having someone turn around and be like, hey, I'm invisible. When clearly not, it's a very confusing term. Sometimes I get into a state where I don't believe I exist. I would be like, do I really exist? That is a whole video in itself. But the biggest thing was that was when I just wholeheartedly stopped believing in existence, stopped doing everything. I was essentially cast a tonne for around half a month because I just didn't believe that I believed. So I thought, what's the point in doing anything if I don't exist? I lose a lot of time. I've said this before in other videos. One of the major issues I have with dissociation is that I lose a lot of time. Time is something that just slips away from me. And not to annoy, I miss days. I miss weeks. I miss events. I miss all sorts because of my lost and dying. Memory loss. Major issue. Major issue. Note books by your friend. Trust me. Forgetfulness. And as I said, I tend to disconnect very often so I forget a lot. So the outside experience is essentially where I feel like I am outside my own body. I feel like I can see things out of my body even though I'm inside my body. And it's so hard for me to explain to you what that is without, like, I don't have to explain that. So the visual hallucinations is a major thing. The visual hallucinations are as you get to actually visually hallucinate. And I made an entire video on the first experience of happiness that I noticed. It happens quite a lot to me where I see things that like transfigure. And that goes hand in hand with my diagnosis of depersonalization and derealization. Items don't seem real. They see it different. And my mind sometimes reconstructs in the way that I think I see it and it turns into a visual hallucination. I don't often know if I'm dreaming or feeling surreal. When I say that goes hand in hand with depersonalization and derealization. I take one of the main things is you tend to feel like I came through a different person. You just don't feel like yourself. You feel like a different person. And that's something I've noticed a lot since receiving the diagnosis of depersonalization and derealization. Not saying I didn't have it done before, but I definitely started noticing all these things a lot more after that diagnosis came into play. Understanding is key. It is, like, it used to scare me because I didn't understand what was going on. And now I have good understanding. I do kind of get it a lot more. I think I'm going to stop this here because there's a lot of people now. And yeah. Alright, I'm not going to just stand my camera up to film here just because my tripod is broken. But I am going to film here because it's quite nice and I like it. But one of my major symptoms of my dissociation and the dissociation disorders that I still feel is a complete disconnect from self. Meaning I often don't recognize myself in the mirror. I can look in the mirror and not fully, like, comprehend that it's me looking back. It's a very unreal and hard to explain. But people look wrong to me sometimes. And it feels really weird. It's hard to explain. For me, any kind of trauma sets me up with dissociation. Like, any reminder, any little bits of trauma, any big traumas. Kate Morton has made a video talking about Big T's little tears with Dodie. And I will link it in the description down below. So there's a lot of causes for this. For me, it's mainly high stress situations and it goes hand in hand with BP do. However, there are a number of other mental health conditions that it happens with. Dissociation is actually a normal thing. It happens a lot with anxiety, panic attacks, stress, and, you know, just stuff like that. It's a very, very common thing to happen. I want to give a quick shout out to Dissociate Who. It is a channel dedicated to dissociative identity disorder. She talks about her own experience with it and I absolutely love her channel to pieces. It is amazing. So to cope with this, I use notebooks. Notebooks are my best friends. Audio recordings, low stress, support from friends and my beautiful girlfriend so when it is guy, medication. I take the vasopam, succulents, and an antidepressant cord. According to the DSM fire, I literally wrote this down with this. So dissociation is a way for the body to cope with trauma and high stress through disconnecting from what's going on. It's a body to protective factor. This is my video talking about association and my experience with it and now I'm going to go home because I'm cold and kind of lost and I want to edit it. I just wanted to say that if you are dealing with dissociation, there is definitely hope. There's people out there, there's things you can do to recover, there's things you can do to help yourself and yeah, why you're outside filming yourself. I think the big thing for me to remind you guys is the safety is key and the issue with dissociation is you can disconnect and think really weird things and think that things aren't going on I think and safety is just the most important thing you can do to help yourself. I hope you guys have enjoyed this video and I'm sorry if at any point you haven't been able to understand or hear me. I am outside, I am vlogging and I just wanted to thank you guys for the massive amount of support you have given me the last few days regarding the trust issues and the friend issues and I really do appreciate all of your guys' support. I hope you're doing amazing and if you're new here hit the subscribe button, give me a thumbs up, leave a comment down below. I want to do a Q&A soon and I want it to be about anything like you can leave any questions that you want down below and now we answer all you can tweet me the questions. My Twitter handle is lifeolidia and my Instagram handle is lifeolidiaofficial. I've been using Instagram Stories a lot recently as well so if you want to have your vote on the next video follow me on the social media and your vote will be counted. I love you guys so much and I'll see you guys soon. Every live stream will be up on Monday at 9 p.m. Thank you guys for your support and I'll catch you guys soon. Peace. I'm gonna have to hit you with a paper today because I don't have a spare. It's really nice. I've never actually been this far out of central London. It's quite nice. How do you like it over here? That'll work. I think. I don't know. It's connected from itself. Yeah, we're gone.