 The Makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum invite you to enjoy life, life with Luigi, a comedy show created by Si Howard, directed by Max Benhoff, and starring that celebrated actor, Mr. J. Carol Nash, with Alan Reed as Fasquale. Friends, the Makers of Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum are glad to bring you life with Luigi because it feels like a friendly, good-natured show that offers you relaxation and enjoyment. And you know, Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum offers you relaxation and enjoyment, too. It's pleasant to chew on a smooth piece of Wrigley's Spearman for the ill-working, shopping, listening to your radio, or doing just about anything. Wrigley's Spearman Gum tastes good. It's refreshing, and the good, easy chewing gives you comfort and satisfaction. Now, Wrigley's Spearman Chewing Gum brings you Luigi as he writes another letter describing his adventures in America to his mama-basco in Italy. I don't know me. Isn't that too wishy since the Pasquale put his daughter Rusty into my night school class, so I should have gotten used to her in America? Perhaps the worst thing that's ever happened to me, Mama Mia. When I'm a join the schooler to learn the trials, I'm never taught she's going to be raised in a right and a rooster. But a funny part is the Pasquale was a right. The more I'm a see rooster, the more I'm going to get used to her. Just like Uncle Pietro was the one who got used to his daughter. Only I'm going to get used to an elephant. I don't like to say anything about the rooster because when she's got a good heart, a good character, then she's got a good appetite, too. That's the girl he's every meal like is the last one before the electric chair. When she makes herself a hammer sandwich, she's going to put a hammer inside to bring her back to the whole thing. Mama Mia, I'm a worried, I don't know what to do. I'm never going to leave her my wonderful night school and I've got to get the rooster out there. But Pasquale, he's very stubborn. He says the rooster stays in my class because I'm a learner, he's the kind of victim of things. One and one is the sweet wins and a two and two is a four quadruple and a stone and a butter. But even now, he's telling her how she should catch me for her husband. Rosa! Where is that girl Rosa? She's trying to catch me. Yes, my little ride, Chris. Who's been changing the spanner on these manuals? Hey Papa, you sell cascature with five K's. Well, you did it once, you spelled it without any K's. Papa, cascature hasn't got any K's. It's spelled C-A-C-C. You'll stop, you're making me see thick. It's not for you in that night school. You're getting it so smart. By the way, daughter, how's it going over to Luigi? Oh, good. He has to leave any carry his books to school. That's wonderful. I can hardly wait till he lets you carry him. Oh, yeah, Papa. Now, the right way to spell cascature... Oh, stop! I didn't put you in school to tell me how to spell a cascature story. I put you in Luigi's class so you could touch a hammer for a husband. Well, I think he's getting along with me more and more, Papa. Good, good. Did he ask you for a place to kiss the handsome daughter? Oh, I should ask. Forget everything I ever told you. This is a leap year, so leap. Now, look, Rosa. I want you to do everything possible to keep on seeing Luigi. Walk with him to school. Talk with him in school. Walk home with him to his antique shop. Go inside and help him with his homework. Papa! What? Don't I get time off for lunch? Stop worrying about eating. You think, uh, Lily Poppick's starting to get used to, yeah? Yes, Papa! I think I better start ordering up those wedding invitations. There, Mr. and Mrs., who would make her excited? Pascuali is happy to invite you to the wedding of his daughter, Rosa and Luigi Pascuali. Everything's gonna be formal, so please, away you tail. Oh, Mr. my little baby. Soon you're gonna be married and Luigi's gonna be Mr. Pascuali. I'll be a housewife and have my own little icebox. I can adjust to see you. 200 cubic feet. Well, little baby, you watch the store. I'm gonna go into him right now and find out how crazy he is about you. All right, Papa. Hey, come to the bride. Oh, the best in the wine. Come to me, little Luigi, my friend. Hello, Luigi. Hello, hello. Hello, Pascuali. Hey, you're looking different today, little banana nose. No, different of how, Pascuali. Oh, you eyes are all shiny. I face is flush. It keeps all the blushing. Wouldn't it be love, huh, Luigi? No, Pascuali. I'm just a commander to have to shower. Tell the truth, little cop. Well, since I put a rose in your class, do you start to get used to it, huh? Well, yes, Pascuali. You may be a little more used to this week than you did last week, huh? You like a better little man than her? Well, it could be. Maybe another week you like her so much, you would let the priest ship me to you one, huh? But the wife, Pascuali, I'm the one right now. Now, for Joe for a while, Luigi, you know what I mean. But, Pascuali, I don't think I'm ready enough for marriage. Who's asking you to be ready? Just be there. That's all. Pascuali, please, please. Is it no rush you were to marry me? No rush, Dave says. You've been stolen me for three years now. It's been the tragedy of my life. Always a pop, but never a grandpa. Dear very Pascuali, I promise you, when the time comes, I'm going to tell you. Not gonna rush me. You're gonna know right. Oh, yes, I am a god. It's a leap here in Congress to give me the right to throw ass. Now, look for Luigi. I went to a lot of trouble. Get a rose in your nice, full of class. I expect a quick result. You understand? No, I don't understand. And if you keep on bothering me, then I'm never gonna marry you. Look, Mr. Spencer, I'm giving you one more week to fall in love with my daughter at first sight. And if you don't, then I'm gonna tell you you don't know what's going on. Then I'm gonna figure out how you gotta feel every minute of the day from when you get up in the morning till you go to sleep every night. I'm gonna make a stick that's so close to you, you're gonna take a sheet of your shadow. But, Pascuali, I couldn't have a such a shadow if I wasn't the Queen of Mary. Well, it's a sin to you and the King of England. I don't want to stop. You idiot from Italy and rose the stick in your class until you get married at all. Well, I... I just... I'm worried. Something inside of me is afraid this is gonna come through and it's making me out to side between the greens. Lovigio got a real problem. A man going into the fixer. That's why I'm gonna wait at the quick auto. You gotta help him figure out how to get a rose out of our class. That's gonna be hard, Lovigio. You gotta get that girl fast. Fast for no fast. She is proving that she has a real good brain. Yeah. Yeah, from the holdsteins she's turning into an Einstein. Ach, ja, von der Holstein, she is turning into an Einstein. So, there was not a kind thing to say. There was foolish, boorish and stupid. Oh, I hate what you said, but I love the way you said it. Ach, now smile, everybody. We're gonna find a way out. Maybe they can send her a fake letter from the border that you can't see. Saying she's been dismissed. Then she stays home forever. Yeah, and then we all go to Zing Zing for ten years. There must be something we could do. There must be something we could do. Hey, maybe we can make a lunch to get the silly. She's acting too nice in a classroom. Ach, Luigi, Luigi, you got it. Oh, why didn't I think of it before? Oh, why didn't I think of it before? Rosa loves to laugh, right? To laugh is putting it mildly she giggles. Cattle is more lion. All right, now, today Mr. Ors, the principal, is coming in to watch the class. Do you begin to catch on? Yes, you mean we make her a lesson and then she acts the silly? Silly, I told him to begin it. I'm gonna make him a lot of jokes. Rosa gets to stare at you with laugh. Maybe you can reach over and give her a tickle. And when the principal hears the hyena calling to it make, he's gonna sing she's a lunatic. She's a lunatic. And so Rosa all the time. Well, that's wonderful. Quiet, Emily, and she is coming here. So that's not a classmate. Hello, Rosa. Hello, Rosa. Well, I wouldn't even need the show. Oh, here comes the teacher. Good evening, Laffy. Before I begin the lesson, let me warn you, our principal is coming in today to observe it, so let's be especially smart. All right, I'll call the row now. And Mr. Basko? I'm here. Mr. Howard? Yes. Mr. Rosen? Rosa? Yes. Mr. Schultz, is your name Rosa? I don't know. Call out Schultz if Rosa answers that in me. Mr. Schultz, that is not funny. There's been entirely too much laughter in this class, and if Mr. Orts decides to throw anyone out, he'll have my cooperation. Oh, he's good for the business. Good evening, George. Good evening, Maura. Good evening, Miss Faulding. Good evening, class. Go right ahead with the lesson, please. I'll just take a seat right here. Class, I ask you to memorize certain important dates in American history. Mr. Basko, you may tell us why 1775 was important. Well, it was the start of American Revolution. Yes. Mr. Howard, why were 1776 famous? It was one year after the start of the American Revolution. Why? Oh, the declaration of independence. Yes, of course. Mr. Ortson, 1787. The United States Constitution was adopted. Mr. Schultz, 1796. That's what my wife said for her new dress. Why? 1796 reduced from 18,000. Why, Rose, that's a funny thing. Rose, why ain't you laughing? Mr. Schultz, how ridiculous can you get? Huh? Schultz, Schultz, make a lesson. I warned you, no hooping. Rose, tell Mr. Schultz what happened in 1796. Washington gave his farewell address. Not address, say address. That's what I said, 1796 before address. Smile, Rose, that's hilarious. Mr. Schultz, you're very corny today. You're a female benefit donor. Certainly, Miss Schultz, I got to go now. Thank you. My reason for stopping by is to relay a message from the main office. There's been too much absenteeism in the night school class. Now, we feel that absenteeism is an abuse of a valuable privilege. Hereafter, one or two absences, unless entirely justifiable, may lead to dismissal from the school. Thank you. And as for myself, I might place in the same category family tactics and destruction of the class. Good night. I'm sorry, Miss Schultz. This is a fine time to be sorry. I asked you to cooperate and then I'm going to Miss Schultz. Good for you. Schultz, do you think we know how he does if you don't? You didn't even bother to apologize for your own behavior. And I heard you prodding him on. I don't like it at all. I can tell you that, Mr. Bass, so I'm ashamed of you. I don't like it one bit. Don't worry, Louise C. I like you. Thank you, that's all. I like you, too. Kim will hang up the black tape. It looks like we're going to have a marriage after all. Before we return to life with Louise C., we want to tell you how chewing Wrigley's spearmint gum can help make your daily work go more smoothly and successfully. You just see to keep going at your best, you've got to feel fresh, alert and on your toes. And chewing a stick of Wrigley's spearmint gum really helps you feel that way. The lively spearmint flavor refreshes you and gives you a pleasant little lift. The smooth easy chewing goes right along with the job itself. Makes the time pass faster and helps you keep feeling and doing your best. You don't have to take time out for it either. Just flip a stick of refreshing, delicious Wrigley's spearmint gum into your mouth any time and enjoy some really good chewing. It will make your work more pleasant and it will help you do the job more smoothly and successfully. Now, let's turn to page two of Louise C. Basko's letter to his mother-in-law. Hello, ma'am and ma'am here. I'm a thief. I never went so bad off in my class before. The spotting is you get a mad enemy and it's only make the rusts look better now. The more I see her, the less the fact that she looks at me. And today, Pasquale is asleep to one of his little Pasquale poems under my door. He's a rote. In these days of inflation, you can still get good buys and the rusts are the giant economy size. And now I'm not the only one who's worried about me because all of my friends in the class are there getting worried too. So we decide to have a meeting in a my antique shop and it shows you what's inside. I now call to order this United Nations meeting special SPTL division. SPTL? It shows you what's inside. The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Luigi. We start off by calling the role of the member nation. The delegate from Italy, the delegate from Sweden, the delegate from Israel. Here is the delegate. Thanks to you. Oh, thank goodness. I was about to declare war on my time. The Swedish delegate, please review the problem now before the General Assembly. According to section 4 Amendment 8 of our UN Charter, a no entangling alliance shall be imposed upon one nation by another fellow nation without the full consent and agreement of fellow nation. That's right. In other words, we don't want Luigi to get hooked. All right. The floor is now open for General Discussion. The delegate from Italy has his hand raised. Thanks to Mr. President. He ordered a white first party to put the Russian out of classes. So I should have gotten used to her and then marry her. Personally, I don't like when a girl gets fed up in the class and she's always busy with father, the rouge, the lipstick, and the mascara. Yeah, that's chemical warfare. So do I hear any more complaints about the offending party? Well, Mr. President, you think it was a fact to suddenly put the Russian in a class with a man like this? Absolutely not. The robbing of the atom bomb is strictly outlawed. Mr. President, if I may say so, we shouldn't take this matter too lightly. It's the struggle of a man who doesn't want to get married. If it's old, it's the age. And it's full of trickiness. In fact, the oldest story known is how a girl gets her man. You mean, me liking a Russian is nothing new? You mean you don't want me of the voyage? Who does women? All the time, you are getting drafted and they make you feel like you're enlisted. I said, I said, I said, I said, you know, I said, just do what's to happen and it's to me. With a Russian in a class, I'm getting so used to how anything is in life but to happen to which I'm a woman wouldn't want to happen even if I'm a woman it wouldn't happen but if it got to happen and then I'm... You are getting the United Nations all for shimmer. You, I mean, I have an idea. You have a... that's so wonderful. What is it? It's a good one. You know, then Sweden gets a chance to keep the Nobel Prize in its own country. The principal said anyone who is unduly absent will be dismissed. What we should use with Rosa is psychological warfare. Well, what's the official thing? Did it out? What is her greatest weakness? That it's... Food. What kind of food? Anything that grows, works, swims, or flies. What's food got to do with the whole delicacy full of stuff? Right? Right. I've done it. I've done it all than you have achieved. Luigi, when Rosa walks you to school tonight, you stop off first in my delicacy. And while she's inside, we begin teasing her appetite. Brilliant. Then she starts to eat. She's so happy. Sure. She don't wanna come to school. She doesn't show up once or twice, and next thing, you know, she is out because of abscess. I mean, that's the sense of wonderful, that's the wonderful... One thing Rosa cannot change herself, that's about the food. United Nations delegates, all those in favor of the Swedish proposal, say aye. Aye. Motion pass. Then I think you realize that tonight we're gonna make history. History? Yeah. For the first time since education started, a girl is gonna leave school and I can't believe I've heard. Working at school with you. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, that's it. Let's stop in the delicacy and I see for sure that you're ready for school, huh? All right. Luigi. And Rosa. What a respected surprise. Come on in, sit down. Oh, that's delicious. We just dropped in just to see if you're ready for school. Oh, what's the hurry? We got time. Here, Rosa. A nibble on this little Frankfurt. No, thank you, Mr. Scho. Rosa, this is on the house. Free for nothing. Stop yourself. Yes. Live. No, thank you. I never indulge actors. Look who is 450 pound gay Lord Hauser. Yeah, but a Schütze Schütze. No, that's a very nice deal for you to say that to Schütze. Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry, Rosa. Maybe she don't like Frankfurt. Rosa, it's a green post. No, I'm determined to improve myself. Luigi, come. It's time we should go to... We have created a literary Frankenstein. No, Rosa, I'm going to honor you with the most expensive delicacy in my delicatessen. Romanoff caviar, 30 dollars a pound. Go ahead, eat it. Yeah, go ahead and eat it. No. Rosa. Romanoff, that's named after a king. That's right. There must be king eat it. Him will she make jokes? Yeah. Schütze. Schütze's a nice guy. Well, I guess... I guess she ain't that hungry. Look, look, look. Pradegolas. No. She looks like a typical Janinic. Rosa, darling. Darling, do me a favor, huh? My wife, Rita, wants to see a movie tonight. So, how's it about you watching my delicatessen store tonight? I don't know. But what about school? Oh, me and Luigi will watch the school. Well... I'm sorry, Mr. Schütze. I have to stay in school with Luigi. Well, Luigi, we came, we saw, and we got conquered. Let's go to school. That's the right thing. I like this. Come on, Rosa. What's the matter, Luigi? Your books too heavy to carry? No, my books are they're lighter. This time, my heart is a heavy. So, she wouldn't fall for the eating business, huh, Luigi? No, no, no. Hey, Hudson, what do you think I should do now? Luigi, you got to act like a man. After all, every man has to get married. Yeah, but in Luigi's case, why shouldn't it be to a woman? No, no, no, no. Schütze, Schütze, you shouldn't have said that because it... Rosa, well, where is she? She lives to follow these books. No, you lost fair and square, Luigi. You admit you're getting used to her. Go in and tell Rosa you want to be a suit before her hand. She wouldn't make you a bad wife, Luigi. And we all got to go sometime. She's crazy about you. And she will always be. She will be. And besides, you can never get her out of school. That's right. While I write some reminders and make up, I'm going to tell her as long as she's going to go to the school with me, I'm going to propose to her. That's the boy. Good luck, Luigi. Hey, Schütze, why do you look at me like that? Nothing. Good luck, little Englishman. I told you to pull around with these menus again. Papa, your spelling is just terrible. Instead of one. So what? It tastes the same, no matter how many Gs you've got in it. And you left out the H, Papa. An H in a spaghetti? Sure, only the H is silent. Look, when you eat my spaghetti, nothing is as silent. Rosa, since you took up a spelling in a school, I got a nothing but a trouble with you. Papa, change that sign you had in the window. What for? Your arithmetic is all wrong. You put down special, two dollars. That's bad adding. But it's a good business. Around this neighborhood of Rosa, nobody can add. You know, since you started to go to school... I might just as well tell you the rest, Papa. In school, they teach us that a good citizen always pays a bill. Rosa, you didn't pay all those bills, I haven't the cash register. You sent the cash out today, Papa. I wasn't a more than six months behind in those bills. Rosa, you think I sent you to school to drive me crazy? Ever since you started, you've been a nagging me, correcting me, making a fool out of me, acting a smile. You're not yourself. You don't even a giggle like you used to. I don't pay square. Rosa? Who sent it for you, you old maid? Rosa, I got something important to say to you. The first I got is something important to say to Rosa. I'm taking you out of school to start tonight. Well, I was... what the...? Yes, I'm taking her out of school. That's right. You want to say some more about it? Because I can't smile for my own good and it would make my life miserable. Well, Mr. Marrager Dodger, what are you standing around saying little things about? You mouth's agonizing. Well, because of the study. You really taking Rosa out of school tonight? Yes, and now what was you going to tell her that's so important? Rosa? Yes, Luigi? You think it's going to rain tomorrow? I'm just ahead of most of one of the three weeks of my whole life. But now with Rosa in the morning, my class, I'm going to feel like a free man again. Like Uncle Pietro is always used to say, marriage is like some accident. It's got to happen at the worst of some time. But you don't have to go out and look for it. And I'm not going to go out and look for it for a long, long time. You'll have a son, Luigi Baster, a little immigrant. Friends, the makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum hope you enjoyed tonight's episode of Life with Luigi. And they want to remind you that Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum gives you real chewing enjoyment and sweetens your breath besides. You see, Wrigley's Spear Mint is made for good chewing. It's smooth and satisfying to chew on. And the lively, long-lasting Spear Mint flavor is really delicious. The minute you sink your teeth into a piece of Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum, you get a fresh, clean taste in your mouth. And your confidence in your breath is sweet for any occasion. So carry Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum with you at all times, as millions do. Be sure to get Wrigley's Spear Mint Gum. Healthful, refreshing, delicious. The makers of Wrigley's Spear Mint Chewing Gum invite you to be sure to listen next week at this time when Luigi Baster writes another letter to his mama Baster in Italy. Life with Luigi is a Psy Howard production. Pat Burton is associate producer. The script is written by Mac Benhoff and Lou Derman, and directed by Mr. Benhoff. Jay Cowan acts as starred as Luigi Baster with Alan Reed as Pasquale, House Conreader, Jody Gilbert as Rosa Mary, Ship of Miss Balding, Joe Forte as Horowitz, and Ken Peters as Olson. The music is under the direction of Lud Guston. This is Charles Lyons. This is the CBS Radio Network.