 Hi everyone, welcome to the being human podcast Scott St. Marie here. Thanks for watching on YouTube as well You've come here for an answer my friends, haven't you come here to know You've come here to know more Scott. How do I deal with fear? I fear other people I fear Groups and crowds I fear you know what other people will think of me I fear going to that Starbucks and that chick looks at me in the eyes and I can't deal with it Scott I fear change. I fear travel going to new places Scott. You know what? I'm fearing going places without a mask You know, I fear COVID. I fear getting sick You know Scott I've had trouble driving. I got in a car accident years ago, and I'm still not the same. I fear driving Whatever the fear the fear of failure Scott I fear that if I miss this exam this test then my life is going to be ruined Scott I fear that if I get in the relationship and she turns out to be a big Buddy then I can't live with myself. I can't So the fear is crippling in our lives, right? It is it stops us from doing things Stops us from reaching our full potential Whatever the beep that means It foot it it stops us from being this is the this is what I always used to say I can't say it anymore the best version of ourselves Coaches love that shit become the best version of yourself Now as a coach myself and mentor to those who deal with anxiety deal with depression Just need someone to talk to Those words make me cringe The best version of yourself. What does that mean that there's only one? Best version of you that where is he or she and to access that best version of you What about all of those other versions? Should they be swept away under the rug? Are they no longer relevant? We need to let them go. We need to say they're not good enough and we only need to attain and master and chase this best version You see where I'm going with that probably inspired by a previous episode of self-help books and and what these other coaches really want us to reach this this peak of complete bliss of existence I'm not about that I'm about the podcast of being human and fear my friends is All human. We know that from our evolutionary history fear has kept us alive Fear means that there's danger there last time I went to the bushes for berries I saw this lion and it showed me its big sharp white teeth and it Pounced on me and it ripped off my pinky finger and A week later. I'm hungry, but I'm not going back to the berry bush Because that lion might still be there pretty good pretty good logic pretty good emotional center and Alarm system in our bodies and physiology to say if you got attacked in the berry bush don't go back to the berry bush fear has kept us alive man and It's fear that actually drives us To do more and to be better So you can think of it this way is the fear of being let's say Alone at age 50 and you've never been married never had kids never been in a relationship is do you fear that more? than fear being in a relationship and Feeling that mundane routine of knowing and being with the same person over and over you get to compare these fears What's the worst case scenario? So fear can propel us into making change because you know what you know what? I don't want to be that would that would kill me If I was still working at the dollar store at age 42 as a cashier nothing against that I'm just saying that could be someone's you know, they really don't want to be in that position in 10 years time Fear of that scenario propels them to go back to school to try a new job To apply for manager whatever it is to make sure that that future within them that thought completely dies That they've seen themselves as a man or as a cashier at age 42 and they say wow that scares the shit out of me So I'm gonna make change now. So fear in that sense if used is a great thing It helps us change It brings us to like it creates new ideas and infinite futures that we can we can go chase and we can aspire to To do these different things That's totally cool, man. Like fear can be used as a tool that way, but that's probably not what we're talking about here We're talking about fear as in what I mentioned at the beginning of the fear of being Nobody fear of being lonely fear of messing up the fear that no matter how hard I try I still won't be good enough That's a fear The fear that will fail The fear that what if I put in all this work, right? What if I do everything? What if I put it all in put everything on the line and it just blows up in my face So the ultimate answer to that would be bold and why even try and then a lot of us don't try We play it super super super doobity dipper safe like too safe So where's the balance in that and where is this tool that I like to share with you And I share this with clients a lot and people that I work with And they find it really useful and I found it useful in my life as well And a lot can be attained through meditation everyone in sitting and practicing these things But I'll give you a tool where you don't really need to meditate on it. It doesn't take long to do It's a perspective and then you can try it right now When you go about your day when you turn off my voice on your phone So let's say here a classic example as if if you have a fear of driving Psychologists do this all the time if you have a fear of driving Right when you get in that car your whole body seizes up We know this it's muscle memory the fascia above the muscle has memory and that's something that I've dealt with a lot And trying to get you know create these new memories through osteopathy and and functional work that way for my body So in driving right when you put those two hands on the wheel your body remembers and your muscles remember This is a bad thing. This is a dangerous thing that you're doing right now because remember what happened last time The line was there when you went for the berries remember what happened last time when your hands were like this on the wheel Something bad happened. Why are you doing this again? And we listen to those voices and we pay attention to our physiology That's the fear that's speaking That's the reptilian brain that's speaking. Yeah This was dangerous before don't do it again. What are you thinking? You're gonna get us hurt again Now that voice of fear that comes up doesn't take into account all the work that you've done since the accident or since that bad thing Happened mm-hmm. Of course not No, it looks at the worst-case scenario right away and goes back to the source of the pain So what do we do with that fear everyone? What do we do with that fear? If that classic acronym is false evidence appearing real I remember Someone told me that to help me with fear Scott. It's just false evidence appearing real. That's what fear means I'm like, okay, great. Thanks for the acronym asshole. That's not helping That doesn't help man, but here's something that helped me. So you're in the car What do you do with your fear? Now, why don't we pretend that fear is actually a thing? Let's pretend It's real in our minds. It's real in our physiology. Let's create an object out of it everyone So what would you like your fear to be? Make it a freaking gremlin something gross Maybe something round something fuzzy something cute whatever you see that fear Now a lot of the times during focusing a lot of the time that fear is something small Because the fear inside of us wants to protect and it's scared. Yeah Maybe a younger version of you That wants to protect That's intimidated That wants comfort and support and the world's scary out there I'm too small to deal with this So how do you picture your fear? What object would you give it or maybe a younger version of you? Whatever it is and you can close your eyes right now and you can picture it if you'd like Okay Whatever it is and where do you feel it in your body? Where do you feel that fear in your body? Sometimes it's in our tummies Sometimes, you know drivings in my neck Right my traps and suboccipital muscles. Where do you feel your fear? So let's go back to let's go to the car Now and you can be wherever you are but let for the sake of the example in the car Take that object of fear And place it on the passenger seat Literally take your hands if it was from my neck look at me in the video if you're watching I'm taking my hands I'm taking this object of fear out of my neck And I'm placing it in the passenger side seat and you know what else I'm doing I'm taking the seat belt and I'm clicking it I'm strapping in my fear to be beside me to be part of me But not identifying with it in that moment And you're creating space with fear because we when we identify with an emotion it becomes us It is us and we can't see out of the fog of this emotion. We're lost. We can't see the sun anymore By doing that physically and by creating an image Of that fear You're creating distance You're creating space for yourself And you're seeing it for what it is It's feeling It's an emotion It's a protective barrier. It's trying to protect you let it protect you from a distance So in the car I'm taking it I'm picturing a fuzzy ball right now. I'm picturing a fuzzy ball coming off of my neck popping it on the passenger side and click click And say okay fear I know you're worried about me I know last time we did this, you know, it didn't go too well But it's time for me to give it a shot It's time for me to give it another go so you can stay right there You can drive on with me But just sit there and just chill for a bit. I got some driving to do And you put your hands on the wheel and you go about your business Go to places with fear It's not about overcoming fear. It's about living despite of fear living with fear moving through fear Putting fear beside us And keep moving So regardless of the car example Let's say you're going out into a to a party Right, you're going to a party And this is post pandemic stuff and maybe it's your first party you're going to right and there's going to be 20 people 30 people You're going to a club. It's going to be 180 people Okay, and what do you where do you want to put your fear there? The fear is maybe in the chest cavity solar plexus is tight, huh? so Let's take it Imagine what it is. What does it feel like is the fear? I don't know Is is the fear a part of you that needs to please other people and you fear that you won't be able to meet? their expectations Hmm Does it fear that you need to be on while you're at the club the whole time and make sure That you have the best time ever because you're going to the club and it's got to be good It's like new year's eve. You you build it up in your mind and you have to meet all these expectations So is it the fear of like disappointment and things not going perfectly? And what's that object like and what do you want to do with it? Before you get to the club, maybe you put it right outside the door Maybe with your buddies and you're you know, they can look at you all they want but do a little do a little thing do a little Motion of putting this object down pretend to tie your shoelaces, right? And and put the object down right beside your shoe this imaginary object of whatever your fear looks like and say, okay You fear you're outside the club right now. You're going to chill there for a bit I'm going to go dance and do what I got to do to have a good time And then I'll come back and get you and see how you're doing Bring it into the club with you put it in your back pocket Put it somewhere gross like in the club bathrooms, right throw it in the urinal and be like, all right I'm going to piss on you fear. Have a good time drink up. I'll be back. I'm going to go up for a dance you know There's so many different ways you can do this and it's not the way If it's your way, it's whatever works for you my friends So if this seems like it would be useful Even not by hearing my voice but do it for yourself I think it's a pretty awesome trick and and I use it myself. Um, so remember to Really locate where this fear and emotion is In your body Sorry That's a phone message I don't want to talk to you. Okay To really locate where it is in your body Like feel free to close your eyes close your eyes on it Just locate it. Where is it? And do you feel it anywhere? Maybe you don't feel anything that's okay, too Maybe feel it all over In every part of your body Maybe it's tingling. Maybe it's sharp. Maybe it's nausea. Maybe it's dizziness. Maybe it's heat Wherever it is, whatever it is. Don't judge it And then create your object and put it to the side Create some space my friends So, yeah false evidence appearing real Sure, that's what fear is but listen man Appearing real. No, no, no fear is real It's very real. It doesn't appear real and the evidence although it says it's appearing real No, no, no that evidence seems pretty damn true in the moment So I don't like that acronym. I don't like the best version of yourself. The fear can be part of us You don't need to throw it away. You need to give it some rest You need to let it be on its own and you need to create some distance And when you do that I guarantee you man You'll be full of freedom You know if we feel pretty damn good about it So that's how I deal with fear and how I Share that with other people as well All the links in the description my friends Thanks a lot for joining me on this episode. I really appreciate your ears and your attentiveness and And I hope this works for you and if you'd like to chat with me Please all the links are in the description if you want a one-on-one chat or if you want to join my newsletter If you want some anxiety videos that are absolutely free to help you deal with those sensations All links in the description. No pressure. All right. Take care. Bye