 Does the narcissist know they're hurting you? Do they know they're causing you pain and suffering? Do they know they're causing you emotional distress? In many cases, they are fully aware of what they are doing. They understand the effects that it is having on you, but they don't really see it as though they're doing something wrong. They believe that they have the right to punish you. Especially if you have criticised them or complimented them in the wrong way. They will capitalise on what they believe to be your fault or mistake. They will take advantage of it and use it as an opportunity to hurt you, so that they can feel better about themselves. Everything a narcissist does is designed to make them feel better. They are constantly in survival mode, experiencing nothing but misery and dissatisfaction. And that is why they will intentionally try to hurt you. Because they're trying to make you feel as bad as they do, they are not aware of the reasons why they are trying to hurt you. It's not something they consciously reflect on, but they do notice that they feel better every time that they hurt you. There are also a lot of situations when narcissists aren't trying to hurt people. Hurting people isn't always their main goal, but their mentality is that if someone gets hurt in the process, that's just how it's going to be. Narcissists will say and do whatever they want without any care or concern for how their words or actions affect you. They have an inability to self reflect and a lack of empathy. They don't take the time to think about how their words or actions might affect you. They act on impulse. They do things suddenly and without careful thought or conscious reasoning. If they want to say something, they will just say it. If they want to do something, they will just do it. They don't think about the consequences. They just say or do whatever they want. They just take whatever they want without ever considering how it might affect you. It often seems like you're not dealing with a fully developed human being. It's more like dealing with an animal. All they can think about is their needs and how they are going to survive. They haven't got the mental capacity to consider you. And that is how they can often say such hurtful things to you. That is how they can make you feel like you are unworthy of their consideration. That is how they can cheat, lie, steal, engage in violence or spend money that they don't have. All they can think about is what they want in that moment. They're in survival mode and they will do whatever it takes to get it. They will act first and then ask for apologies later. Only to repeat the same actions again and again. Narcissists have a strong sense of entitlement. They understand that there are rules. They understand the differences between right and wrong behaviour. They just don't believe that the rule should apply to them. They are hypocrites. They behave in a way that suggests they have higher standards or more noble beliefs than is the case. If you make a minor fault or mistake, they will come down on you like a ton of bricks. But then they won't follow those same rules. You could make a comment that they don't like. And they will tell you that they don't approve of what you've said. But if they say something that they know is not right, they will try to justify it. They believe that the rule shouldn't apply to them. They believe that they should be entitled to do whatever they want. Narcissists may often hurt you by neglecting your emotional needs. And it may often seem as though they are doing it intentionally. Narcissists like relationships because it gives them narcissistic supply. It gives them attention and admiration whenever they want it. It gives them money or sex or whatever else it might be. But they hate having to attend to your emotions. They can tell you about their problems all day. But if you even try to mention something that you are experiencing, they will be quick to change the subject. It will only remind them of something that they are dealing with. They will not listen to you for more than a few seconds. But if you were to question or confront them on this issue, they would tell you that they always listen to your problems. They simply have no interest in anything that you are going through. They see it as though the relationship should only exist to serve them. In many cases, the narcissist doesn't intend to hurt you. They just don't take the time to think about if it's going to hurt you. And after they've hurt you, they still don't care. They see it as though if they didn't intend to hurt you, it's not a big deal. But of course, there are those cases where the narcissist does intend to hurt you. They are known as malignant narcissists. They are sadistic. They derive pleasure from inflicting pain, suffering or humiliation onto you. But it is more likely that they're not intending to hurt you. Malignant narcissists are less common. But whether or not they are trying to hurt you, does it really matter? Either way, you are still being hurt, whether they are trying to hurt you or not. It doesn't mean they have any intention to change their behaviour. Even if the narcissist became aware of what they were doing to you, they would just deny it, minimise it or claim that you deserved it. So whether or not they are trying to hurt you. That shouldn't be your main concern. Your concern should be that they are trying to hurt you. That they are hurting you and that nothing is changing. Once you meditate on that, it should be much easier to get yourself out of harm's way and into a safe place away from danger or harm. Thank you for watching. I hope this video resonated with you. Please like, comment, share and subscribe. Click the bell icon to receive notifications for my future videos. Check out the new Narc Survival website at www.narcsurviver.uk where you can read my blog posts, book coaching sessions and join the support forum. If you are likely to donate, my PayPal link is in the video description. Coaching inquiries, you can email me at coachingatnarcsurviver.uk Thank you for watching and I'll talk to you soon.