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Mermaids and Mitt Romney: Political FUBAR

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Published on May 29, 2012

Animal Planet seems to think that mermaids are real, which I think is about as likely as Mitt Romney's chance of winning the Presidency against Barack Obama.
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Okay, Mitt Romney's campaign -- the most boring and lifeless campaign in the history of the world, has one chance left to get Americans to pay as much attention to IT as they do to a fake documentary about mermaids on Animal Planet? (Seriously, that was the 10th highest search term on Google today.) Anyhow, Romney's once chance to pick up some mojo is by picking a running mate worthy of being texted about to your friends -- and no, he' can't choose a mermaid. And just between you and me I don't think there's actually anyone out their who could actually do what the VP pick is supposed to do: mainly, help the guy at the top of the ticket get elected, and do it without overshadowing him. I mean seriously, Romney is so lacking in charisma that the only person who can stand next to him without overshadowing him is his wife, Ann, who's always staring at him with that Stepford's wives gaze -- whenever she's not off doing horse ballet. But the guy I think most of the adults in the GOP -- who are giving polar bears a run for their money on the endangered species list -- well those guys would like to see Romney pick Chris Christie, the governor of New Jersey as his running mate because he might actually have the star power necessary to flip his state from Democratic to Republican. And then, when the loose, as I'm sure they will, Christie becomes the GOP front-runner in 2016 -- with a damn good chance of winning --because he has more charisma in his little pinky than Romney does in his whole, mannequin-like body. But if I were Romney and was looking for an excitement transfusion in the fall, I'd do something which no presidential candidate has done in decades: let the convention pick the Vice Presidential nominee. God knows it would juice the convention's ratings -- and they could turn the thing into a political version of American Idol with viewers texting and phoning in their preferences for Vice President. Or better yet, have Donald Trump take the spotlight with a special Presidential version of The Apprentice. They could launch it as a summer replacement series with a cast of 16 Republican politicians, one of whom gets fired each week by the Donald. Now that's something I'd watch!
Although, even money says that Trump would wind up giving the job to himself -- after he divorces his latest wife and marries a mermaid.

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