 The W-Fitch Company makers of Fitch Shampoo presents the Fitch Fan Wagon with Elliot Lewis, Walter Tetzli, Janine Rosan Whitfield, Robert Norris, Walter Sharf and his music and starring Alice Faye and Phil Harris. 42 prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like Fitch Shampoo. To introduce Fitch's new cream shampoo, and for those who use Xandruff Remover Shampoo, we're sponsoring our second big weekly contest. Prizes include one new Fraser Manhattan four-door sedan, one new Kaiser sedan, five universal electric ranges, three Amana Home Prizes, two Voss electric washing machines, 30 universal electric blankets. It's easy to enter, easy to win. Get paper and pencil ready. We'll give contest rules and the address now and repeat them again later in the program. Here's all you do. In 25 additional words or less, complete one of these statements. I like Fitch's Cream Shampoo because, or I like Fitch's Dandruff Remover Shampoo because, that's all. Attach entry to carton top from Fitch's Dandruff Remover Shampoo or round steel underjar lid of Fitch's Cream Shampoo or facsimile. Mail with your name and address to Fitch Shampoo box 1723 Chicago, Illinois. There's plenty to write about. Fitch's Cream Shampoo leaves hair far softer, shinier. That's because it's made with both lanolin and olive oil. Lanolin to soften, olive oil to bring out those sparkling highlights. Forty-two prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like Fitch's Shampoo. Last Monday a decision was reached at a board of directors meeting of the FW Fitch Company, which was to have a decided effect on the lives of Phil Harris and Alice Faye. Therefore, let's go back to Monday in that board of directors meeting in Des Moines, Iowa, where Mr. FW Fitch is speaking. And so, gentlemen, it has been decided that Phil Harris has been doing a splendid job on our radio show. And as a reward, we're making him a stockholder in our company. Yes, everyone agreed? Heck, FW. I agree, FW. You have my vote, FW. What do you say, JR? What's that? What are we talking about? Why don't you pay attention? What are you writing, anyway? Well, I can win a conscious razor car if I finish this sentence. I like Fitch's Cream Shampoo because... How many times must I tell you you can't enter our own contest? How do you feel about making Harris a stockholder? Well, thank you, FW. I think Phil Harris belonged in our company. He is not our type of person. In fact, I don't know why we hired him for our program in the first place. They hired him for three good reasons. He's a comedian. He's a musician. And it was the only way we could get Harris' face. But, FW, remember that this is a closed corporation. And we stockholders are all gentlemen. Do we want a man as crude as this Harris to be a stockholder and have a voice in our affairs? Oh, relax, JR. How much damage can he do with one lousy chair? FW, your language. Well, perhaps we ought to keep this stock in trust. He might even sell it to an outsider. Why, JR, you've been out both of them. We are sending Mr. Harris one share of stock worth $14.62. I'll advise him of that immediately. Ms. Martin, take a telegram. He goes to Phil Harris and see no California. And now we take you to the Harris' home on that same Monday morning. Alice, Phil and the children are at breakfast, and Phil is telling the children a story. And so, kids, the little princess found herself in the frozen north surrounded by wolves. What happened, Daddy? Did the princess get eaten by the wolf? Philip, there's no such word as eaters. Besides, you don't have to worry. The princess wasn't that up by the wolf. Now let's plot with eight of, huh? Then what happened to the princess, Daddy? Well, when the wolf got close, she jumped on her dog's sled, cracked the whip, and yelled, Polly-ho! The dogs didn't move. They just turned and sneered in her face. Daddy, the word is much. All right, they sneered in her mush. Alice, tell the kids to stop correcting me. But Phil, you were wrong. I don't care. Tell the kids they shouldn't ought to do it. It ain't nice. Kids, it ain't nice, and you shouldn't ought to do it. Well, let the children eat their breakfast. Is anybody home? Oh, it's my brother. We're in here, William. Hello, Alice. Good morning, Philip. Oh, isn't it a lovely day? Everything is right with the world. Well, little orphan Annie is here again. Sit down and be quiet, Willie. I'm telling the kids a story. Oh, my. Alice, why do you allow Philip to tell the children stories? His choice of language is atrocious. And besides, he doesn't know how to tell a story correctly. Who doesn't? Why, I've got the smoothest delivery in show business. Why do you think I've got two radio shows? You're wondering too, hmm? Alice, tell this guy why I've got two radio shows. Well, it's obvious, William. Phil has two shows because he has... Phil, what was it you told me you had on Mr. Benny and Mr. Fitz? Now, will you... Cut out the kid, and I'm on the Benny show because he needs me. He needs you all come now, Philip. You're nothing but a lowly student on that program. Now, wait a minute. Wait a minute. And especially in front of my children, they think I'm the funniest one on the Benny show, don't you, kid? Certainly do, Daddy. That's the way where you pick up the phone and say... Now, I don't play that part. Happy Boon, either. You see, Philip, even your children are confused, which proves how precarious your position is in show business. See, if the public ever becomes aware of your lack of talent, where will you be? What will you do? You're a little too old to turn to anything else. Well, in Phil is not old. He's still young and good-looking. Thanks, honey, but you don't have to say it just because it's obvious. No, no, I'm serious, Philip. If you were to leave show business, what else would you do? You're certainly not mentally equipped for the business world. Oh, wait. If I wasn't an entertainer, there are lots of things I could be with. My brains I could be, or I could be... Well, and then again I could be... And that's only three of the things we could be. You see, Philip, you'd be lost completely. Wait a minute. I'll answer it, Alice. Anything to get away from this pen and pencil set. Thanks, I'm astute. Thanks, I haven't got enough brains to make a lot of money. If that long shot comes in today, I'll show him. I have a telegram for Phil Harris. I'm Harris. Here, kid, thanks. Wonder who could be sending me a telegram? Let me see. We are happy to inform you that we are making you a stockholder in the Fitch Company. Oh, me, a stockholder in a big company? Wait a minute. The stock will be sent within a fortnight signed FW Fitch. Hey, yeah, and I'm getting it in a fortnight. Ain't that terrific? Wait a minute. How long is a fortnight? P.S., it's two weeks, you dope. I thought it was nine days. Oh, look. Oh, gee, this stock really puts me and Alice in the money. And what I can do with that money, oh, I'll really spread it around. Because I'm a fellow with a heart of gold in the ways of a gentleman I've been told, a kind of a guy that wouldn't even harm a flea. But if me and a certain character meant that guy that invented the cigarette, I'd murder that son of a gun in the first degree. Now, not because I don't smoke myself and I don't reckon they'll harm your health. I've smoked all my life and ain't dead yet. The nicotine slaves are all the same at a pettin' party or a poker game, everything but stop while they smoke that cigarette. Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette. Pop, pop, pop, and if you smoke yourself to death, tell St. Peter's the golden gate that you hate to make him wait, but you just got to have another cigarette. Smoke, smoke, smoke. Mmm, smoke, smoke, smoke. Now, the other night, I had a date with a girl in 48th Stake, the high bread up town, fancy to stay a little safe. She said she loved me and it seemed to me that things were about like they ought to be. So hand in hand, we scrolled down, love is lame. She was oh so far from the cake of eyes and our flushing party was going nice. So help me, Hannah, I think I'd been there yet. I'd have been there yet. But I give her a kiss and a little squeeze. She said, Phillip, excuse me, please, but I've just got to have another cigarette. Another cigarette. Smoke, smoke, smoke that cigarette. Puff, puff, puff, and if you vote yourself to death, help St. Peter's the golden gate that you hate to make him wait, but you just got to have another cigarette. Smoke, smoke, smoke. St. Peter, I'm sorry that I'm keeping you holding that gate open, but I just got to have another drag off of this cigarette. Thank you, Peter. Mmm, thank you. Telegram, I've been made a big stockholder in the Fitch Company. Isn't it weird? Yeah, isn't it, but just listen to that. You thought I was nothing but a stooge, and now look at me, a large stockholder, an important fine seer, a big business mongrel. Just a moment, Phillip. What makes you think it's a large block of stock? Well, after all I've done to that company, they must have given me at least a controlling interest. Take it easy, Phil. You don't have to stock yet. Well, I'm getting it in a day or two. They'll be wheeling that stuff in and bailing. Now, from now on, honey, we're going to live. Now, look, we're going to sell this place and get a bigger house, and then we're going to... That must be Frankie. I ask him to stop by and drive me down to the band rehearsal. I'll let him in. Oh, boy, wait till I tell Frankie about this stock. Hiya, Frankie. Come on in. Hello, Curly. Oh, come on in. I just sit down. Boy, have I got news for you. Kid, you're looking at a big man. I got a controlling interest in Fitch. How utterly thrilling. It's our sponsor. Our sponsor. The people who... Look, whose name is on the check you get every week. The Bank of America. Don't be record for them. Look, Frankie, I've been made a member of a big firm. They took me into the business and I'm now a big shot. I'm important. I've got a company to run. Letters to dictate to my private secretary. That's why you've got a secretary. Well, I haven't got one yet, but I'm going to get one after all. A financial wizard like me needs a menial to dispense with the trivialities that are postured on a man in my position. Well, lads, lads. Look, will you listen a minute? A man as important as I am now needs a secretary. And by the way, uh... You know any girl who'd like to job? Oh, Father, me. What do I know from secretary? Well, I know it's going to be a good job for somebody. I'm pretty well-fixed now, and I'm going to be willing to pay about 200 bucks a week, and you see, I... Frankie, get off of my lap. Look, Charlie, hire me. I'm great at that secretary stuff. Oh, you are? How's your shorthand? It's growing, thank you. Stop dictating me. I'll show you how good I am. Okay, now, the first thing I want you to do is to send a letter to Jack Benny and tell him that I can no longer be just a stooge on his program. Well, wait a minute, Curly, I'll type it. Before I was a musician, I used to work in an office. Yeah? Well, are you fast on the typewriter? I never found out. I'd sit down to type it. Every time it came to the end of a line, a bell would ring, and I'd go out to lunch. Okay, 20 pounds. Look, stop it. You're hearing bells all the time. Now, look, sit down and take this letter. Okay, now, look. Dear Mr. Benny, due to an important position that I've just attained in the financial world, I can no longer accept stooge rolls on your program. And from now on, I shall have to be one of the luminaries. Got it. You don't think you made it a little too wordy, do you? Look, Curly, I know what I'm doing. I know what you want to tell Benny. Go away, and I'll write the letter myself. Okay, Frankie, I'll let you write it, but now don't make it too strong because Jack has been good to me and I don't want to hurt that old man. Now, you write it. If I just don't watch it, I'll be right back. Okay, silly. Hey, Alice. Hey, Alice, where are you? I'm in here in the kitchen, Phil. Look, honey, you're the wife of a big stockholder now. And believe me, you won't have to work in the kitchen no more because tomorrow I'm going to hire you a whole rotten new servant. Phil. That's right. Not only that, I'm going to get you a bigger house. I'm going to buy you that big red place in Beverly Hills. You know that colonial place with the big white doors and brass pillars? Phil, that's the firehouse. Phil, I don't want another house. Uh-oh, that must be the grocery boy. Will you let him in? Yes, I'll let him in. It's silly though because if it's Julius or Bruce, he wouldn't want to see me anyway. The kid's sweet on you, baby. Sweet and sweet, girl. I stand here before you with my eyes closed because I fear that if I open them, I might be blinded by your dazzling beauty. Take a chance and open them, kid. I ain't that beautiful. Oh, hello, Julius. It's good to see you again. Greetings, dream girl. I stand here before you with my eyes closed because I fear that if I open them, I might be blinded by your dazzling beauty. Oh, Julius. It's sweet of you to say that. Don't let it go to your head, honey. You said the same thing to me. Hey, girlie. I finished typing your letter to Benny. It's all signed, sealed, and ready to go. You're sealed. Don't you think you ought to let me read it first? Of course not. Let her read that address to you with that address to Jack Benny. If you want to do something curly, you can take it out and mail it. Hey, thumbs up to his house this afternoon. I'll give it to him quite soon. Oh, thanks, kid. Here's the letter. That's all right, Mr. Emily. Well, I gotta go now. Farewell, Julius. What are you writing to Jack Benny about? Oh, nothing, honey. I just made a few demands. Now that I'm a big man, a few little things I think he ought to do. Hey, forget about it. Hey, Jackie, come on. Let's get down to rehearsal. Hey, Alice, when I get downtown, I'm going to buy you fur clothes, new cars, and jewelry. Yeah, I'll take it easy, sir. You don't have to stock yet. But it's coming, honey. Now, look, I want you to go out and buy some stuff for the new house. I want you to get Persian rugs, oil paintings, and, oh, we're going to live in class. Oh, naturally. And we mustn't forget to buy some solid gold plates. You're going to use solid gold plates? Yeah. What do you think? Will you eat like pigs? Stop! Control yourself. Don't worry. Now come on, Frankie. So long, honey. Goodbye, Phil. Bye. Oh, that man of mine. Heaven knows what he'll bring home. My father was the same way. I remember that Tony made a few extra dollars and bought a car for Mom. He burst into the house and said, get your veil and get your duster. Get the yen for goggles when the winds are guster. Keep your hover gowns firmly belted down when you're out in your Stanley Seamer. In a gale, we never flunger. Cause we're told we get that old familiar luster. If you're dressed in style, everyone will smile when you're out in your Stanley Seamer. Honk, honk, honk. The dog's in the hellish yarn. But he's looking at us with alarm. Or it looks like he's back to the farm. But if you stand with your combustion, then your speed is gonna need a new adjustment. And you must be just, just the one we trust. Oh, we won't step inside. No, we won't make the right that you plan in your Stanley Seamer. That you plan in your Stanley Seamer. A tandem bike has had its say. If you're riding one, you'll find that day. Hope's along in an obsolete way. Like a child who has a wild imagination. And we want to ride, want to ride inside. Of the ladies who are supposed to be the one who sits behind the wheel. With a man in the Stanley Seamer. Thank you very much, son. Who this is from? Due to a descending vote in the board of directors, we have decided not to mail your stock, but to keep it in trust for you. And FW sits in trust. Oh, my goodness, that means Phil can't touch it. And he's not spending money he won't be getting. Oh, I've got to get down to that rehearsal and tell him. I know. Now, let's see. What have I ordered so far? Have you got it all marked down, Frankie? Oh, sure. You ordered six assorted fur coats for Alice. Truck loads of sand for the kid's sandbox. And 12 pairs of yellow shoes for yourself. That's right, good. Now look, and another thing. I'm buying Alice a new home. So remind me to run an ad putting our house up for sale. Hey, Curly, ain't you overdoing this? Don't tell me what to do, Jack. You just put it down. Hey, look, here's a rehearsal hall. Now, I can't wait to tell them, guys, what I'm going to do for them when you hear this. I'm going to give them all a raise because they deserve it. They're a fine bunch of gentlemen, so open that door, Frankie. Hey, Frankie, Frankie, tell the gentlemen to be quiet. Yeah, all right. Quiet, you mug. Right there. Break it up! That's better. The podium is yours, Mike Jones. Thank you. Gentlemen, as your podium, I got a few words to say. Will you pay attention when I'm talking to you? What are you doing? No 25 words. If I can pay attention, I'm going to... Bill, Bill, Bill, I want to talk to you. It's very important. Oh, hello, honey. Well, what are you doing here? Yeah, what's up, Alice? Well, you just got another telegram from the fish company. They're not sending you the stock. They're holding it in trust for you. Ain't that wonderful? They trust me. Well, if you don't understand, Bill, that means you won't be able to touch the stock. They're holding it for you. Hold. Hold. You mean I ain't going to be able to get my hands on the money right away? Oh, but gee, honey, how about all those nice things that I just ordered? Oh, well, you can cancel all that, but I hope you didn't offend Mr. Benny in that letter because you need that job. No. I didn't say anything to offend Jackson. You can ask Frankie. He typed a letter. All I said was that, you know, that I just wanted to be one of the show's luminaries. That ain't what you said, Curly. What do you mean? I couldn't spell luminaries, so I told him you're quits. I quit, Frankie. How could you do such a thing to me? I can't quit, Jackson. Well, maybe it isn't too late. Maybe Julius hasn't delivered the letter yet. Well, we'd better get over to that market and see if Julius is still there or not. Come on, Ramley, you snook. Hurry up, Alice. I'm afraid we're late anyway. I don't see Julius anywhere in this store. Oh, we must be somewhere. Well, there he is, over there. You better let me talk to him, Bill. You only upset him. Julius? Miss Faye! Oh, thank goodness you're here. I rushed over to see you. At last you have come to me, dear one. Let us fly the way together. Stay there later, will you? Right, where's that letter to Benny? Now, where's the letter? Take your needle off of me. The letter's been delivered. Oh, no. No, oh, Alice, I'm a ruined man. Well, let's get home. I gotta try and call Jackson, and you're a snook, though. Oh, Alice, I've gotta call Jack, but I'm afraid. Oh, Daddy, you're home just in time. Mr. Benny is on the phone. He is? Uh... Well, what does he want, Phyllis? He wants to talk to Nick and Fino. Oh, all right, honey. Get him on the phone. Well, I got one chance. I gotta try and... just try and fluff my way out of this. Hiya, Jackson. How's the sweetest little guy in the whole world, old television prospect? Hiya, Jackson. Oh, you... Huh? Oh, you got my letter, huh? But... Yeah, I know, but, uh... Yeah. Yeah, well, I said, boys, I quit. Yeah, that's what I said. Yeah, I quit, but I... Well, I didn't mean it, Jackson. Please. Hey, Jackson, can I have my job back? I didn't mean it, Jack. Of course, Mr. Benny. Yes, Master. Thank you most exalted one. I took brains to get out of that one. I had to take a cut in salary, but I got my job back. Well, thank goodness. But tell me, Phil, why did you keep telling Jack the letter said you quit? I had to. Frankie's typing was so bad he couldn't read a word. Forty-two prizes each week for you. Just tell why you like this shampoo. Look, this is Phil Harris, folks. Remember, our second contest closes Saturday night, midnight, October the 18th. So enter tonight. Now, look, here's all you do. In 25 additional words or less, complete one of these statements. I like Fitch's Cream Shampoo because, or I like Fitch's Zandruff Remover Shampoo because, mail entry with your name and address to Fitch Shampoo box 1723, Chicago. That's Fitch Shampoo box 1723, Chicago, Illinois. Send any number of entries each on a plain sheet of paper. Do each attach round steel under jar lid of Fitch's Cream Shampoo or carton pop from Fitch's Zandruff Remover Shampoo or facsimile. This week's prizes include... One Fraser Manhattan Sedan, one Kaiser Sedan, five universal electric rangers, three a man-of-home freezers, two Voss electric washing machines, 30 universal electric blankets, entries judged on originality, sincerity, and abstinence of thought. Uplicate prizes for ties, judges' decisions final. Any person in the United States or Canada may enter, except employees of Fitch, their advertising agency, and families. Entries received after Saturday midnight, judged in following week's contest. First car winners announced on this program next Sunday. Tune in next week when the FW Fitch Company again brings you the Fitch Bandwagon with Alice Faye and Phil Harris. This program was written by Ray Singer and Dick Chevrolet and directed by Paul Phillips. Included in today's cast were Francis X Bushman, Gil Stratton, Holly O'Toole, and Bob Jellison. Alice Faye appears for the courtesy of 20th Century Fox. Good night, everybody. Look, this Phil Harris again. Remember, folks, there are three big contests left. Now, you can enter each week for those big weekly prizes. Don't be a rambly. Do it tonight. Try Fitch's Cream Shampoo. Enter second contest before Saturday midnight. Win a Frazier Manhattan or Kaiser sedan. They'll form a speaking.