 This generation of young people are just wimps. Can I just, okay, well, thanks, Deacon. The truth of the matter is nobody knows how difficult it was for us growing up in the 70s. Our parents were living in the 60s. They were all looped out on drugs and the ramifications of that free lifestyle. They didn't care about us back then. We're trying to survive by ourselves. We're over there licking lead-based paint, sucking out of a hose, and basically our moms are smoking Paul Mauls with the windows rolled up in a Ford pinto that's about to explode. Things were different back then, amen? Let me just say this, and this is true. We had heroes. They weren't like some sort of cartoon heroes. We had real heroes, courageous people, like Evil Knievel, right? And Evil Knievel, he would get on that motorcycle with his awesome silver sequined hat. Well, it's called a helmet. It's super awesome outfit. And he'd be like, I'm gonna jump over all these tractor trailers where we're like, you can do it, Evil. We believe in you. And then he's like, you know what? I'm gonna jump over the Grand Canyon. And whoever's in charge of the Grand Canyon was like, you will not be doing that. And he's like, okay, well, I'm gonna jump over the Snake River and all the people in Boise, Idaho were like, come on, you can do that. Let's go. So they did. They filmed him in a rocket. Do you remember this? They televised that, put that up, and he shot up with the parachute deployed early. And so he kind of floated into the bottom of the canyon, just broke his nose, which was kind of a miracle for him. We watched this guy break bone after bone after bone. And our logical response was, let's do that. We'd get our bikes out, we'd go stack tires up and put our planks down. We tend to be just like evil, can evil. When I was a little kid, I used to grow up in the Dakotas, North Dakota first, then we moved down to South Dakota. And I was a little tiny guy. We all had our bikes. My friends had this really cool dirt bike. And we decided we were going to play and be like evil, can evil. And they stacked a couple of tires down and they put that board down and they're getting ready. And we basically started kind of jumping to see who was going to chicken out first, you know? And sometimes in the day, you would have maybe somebody, a friend or something lie down. We'd jump over them with our bikes. Maybe your sister, we'd jump over her with our bikes, basically, just to see at what point will we chicken out? And usually I would chicken out right after two tires. There's no way I was going to be airborne for long. Anyway, so I got to the point and I just knew I can't do it. I've lost my nerve. And one day I remember that my friend Brad decided I'm going to add about four more tires down. And this tire stack was going like straight up into outer space. As tall as the building Father Dave was talking about. It was insane. And I remember thinking to myself, this is going to be the greatest day ever. Or my friend will die. And even then it's still going to be memorable. This is going to be awesome. And it was at that moment that their dad Roger came out. And Roger was like 18 feet tall. A South Dakota, North Dakota rancher who had hair coming out of every follicle of his face. Like Chewbacca had a baby on his chin. And basically I thought for sure he was going to look at his son and basically say, you know what, you're not going to do that. We live in the country. You're going to hurt yourself. I don't want you to risk it. Basically go outside and play with your BB guns or something or whatever. But instead he gave advice to his son that I still remember 45 years later. And this is the advice that that father gave to his son. He looked at the ramp and he looked at his boy and he said, you better pedal fast. It's literally one of the greatest moments of my childhood. And I'll never forget it because Brad backed up and he got on that bike and he started to pedal as fast as he could. And I heard and I can still hear that bike hit that plank board, fly through the air. He lands the huge clank of that metal bike and he did this cool little evil-can-evil spin-out and he got off that bike and we went nuts. We're jumping up and down. We're going crazy. And all I kept thinking was that's my best friend. I just saw that. 40 something years later, I'm still talking about that moment of courage. And there's something that happens when we as men step up and are courageous. And I feel like ultimately many times, and this is something really important because I think Deacon Ralph mentioned this earlier today during Mass, which is this idea that if we only are about highlighting the mistakes and the problems that are in the world, that is not necessarily courage. But we have to introduce the solution and that takes courage because it's easy to identify all the problems and complain and whine, but it takes courage to say, I know what you're looking for. The solution is the Father. The Father who will cheer you on and the Father who loves you unconditionally. The Father who is there at your side if you were to fall. See, there's something about that moment for me that's so important because I think it embodies the Christian life. That if we go after this halfway, if we absolutely resist the Father's instruction, we're gonna fail. Now it's very probable that Brad could have got on that bike, hit that plank wrong, spun out, hurt himself, broken arm. He could have flew through the air and crashed when he hit the ground. But the confidence of the Father, that favor of the Father, the word of that Father empowered him to do something that had never been done. We were blown away and I'm still blown away. When you see that in the spiritual world, we call those people saints because they listened to that word of the Father. And I've been thinking about this a lot tonight because you are the embodiment and the witness to a world that is fatherless so often. You are a picture of what fatherhood looks like. And this is what's profound because you that are married are witnesses of fatherhood in a very unique and profound way. And you that are parish priests that are fathers in that capacity are intensely witnessing that Father. Because in Persona Christi, remember the reality is Jesus came to reveal the Father and you as that priest are giving a witness of fatherhood that is so confused and misunderstood in this day. Yes? Now look at it, look at it, look at it. This is really important to me. When I was a small kid, I remember I was almost five, it was December, we were gonna go to the happiest place on earth which was my grandparents house. And my grandparents back in the old days were awesome. I mean, I'll never forget these people. They changed my life radically. My grandfather had a very unique smell about him. I think it's Scotch. My grandmother always celebrated my arrival. She wanted to party and she would say things like, let's have a party and we'd go and we'd get ice cream and we'd get sodas and we'd have fun with cards. We'd play gin rummy. We had all of these incredible just little special moments. And the moment was just simply her being with me and me being with her with my grandfather going out and golfing or basically watching him drink. The truth is 1975, well it was probably 1974 actually, and I'm in that living room at my grandparents house, the happiest place on earth. My father took me into the living room and he knelt down and he looked at me and he said, Chris, when you get home from this vacation, I'm not gonna be there anymore. And so my father chose to tell me during Christmas and my grandparents that he was leaving my mother and my sister and I to go be with another woman. Now Deacon Harold Burke decided to share that brief little nod to the brokenness of his family upbringing. And what he said was very interesting because he said many of the priests that were in his life were a model and a witness of true fatherhood. But I never had that. There were some people in my church that I went to as a kid, but honestly over time even their marriages fell apart. There's only one person I can think of whose marriage is still together from when I was a young boy. Pastors, my youth pastor was caught soliciting a prostitute. The truth of the matter is there was zero picture of what it looked like to be a man, especially what it looked like to be a father and what it looked like to be a husband. When I met Linda, we were both 17 in high school. I knew I fell in love and I knew I'd found the one that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And early on in that relationship, we kind of struggled with some stuff that a lot of kids do when they meet and fall in lust and love. And the truth of the matter was I knew that if we kept things up, that we were gonna lose this special kind of moment. And God radically changed my life, that freshman year of college. I had an encounter with God that was so profound. I sat with Linda in the car just crying and we both prayed together and we said, let's start over and what would happen if we gave our relationship to God? See, I think back on that journey from that small boy to that kid who gave himself to God in the parking lot in a dorm room in West Palm Beach, Florida. And the truth of the matter is that boy was broken and so hurt from a father that left who decided to begin a new family and a different way of living. Every weekend I'd go see my dad and I ached to be with him. I would lean against his chest and hear his heart beat as he read the James Clavel novels. And I can remember honestly not wanting to fidget but feeling inside of me this urge to move but I didn't wanna lose that moment. It was so special. There was a girl there, a lady. Her name was Gail. And Gail, I wanted her to know how I thought of her and where she fit in my understanding of this new relationship that he had. So I wrote her a note one day and it said, dear Gail, I hate you. And I gave her that note. A poet. I gave her the note and she, I could tell, was Chris Fallen, very frustrated and hurt. She said that wasn't very nice and I felt a lot of guilt. And later on that day I wrote another note to try to remedy this situation and it said, dear Gail, I love you. And I gave it to her and she looked at me and she said, Chris, I know that you feel guilty about what you wrote earlier but the truth, I don't want you to write something like that unless you mean it. And I remember looking at her and saying almost to myself, I didn't say it really out loud but I said, but I'll never mean it because you're not my mom. I was so wounded and the reason I was so wounded is I would watch my mother cry. I have no memory at all of my mother and father holding hands, kissing one another, dancing together, laughing uncontrollably. There is nothing in my mind of what it looked like to have a father love my mother. And it blew me away because I loved my mom. She's the only reason I'm here today to be honest. After the divorce, my mom started taking us to church and I began to pray. I learned scriptures from her. I gave my life to Christ as much as a little kid can and my mom taught me that faith wasn't a once a week experience, but a daily experience. She tried to bring men into my life to show me what it looked like but none of it made the difference because what I wanted was my father. I wanted my father to cheer me on as I got on my bike and I flew over those tires. I wanted my father to be there when I looked out after playing the performance in the orchestra or having a solo in that concert. I wanted my dad to be there to hear the people applaud and laugh at the things that I did and the theatrical performances. I wanted my dad to be around, to make my mom laugh, but he wasn't and he would call every single week and the truth of the matter is one day he moved. He moved to another part of the state. He and my mom would get on the phone and they would fight nonstop until she'd hang up the phone crying and then he'd call back and I'd answer and he'd say put your mom back on the phone and they would fight some more and then I would go visit him and I had the time of my life. It was a whole new way of living. He didn't care if we went to our movies. My dad made for all intents and purposes naked art. That was kind of his thing, sculptures and basically I was surrounded by and introduced to a world which was amazing and unbelievable and incredible. The artistic world and all of the people with incredible gifts and talents. Now we come home to a mother that ached for her son's return. It's hard for me to express to you, but when I became in love with Lyndon, I became so convinced I was called to marriage. The question wasn't do I love her? The question was what does it look like to love someone for years? What does it look like to be a father that's present in my kid's life? What does it look like to be a man? And I struggled. The only examples I had were friends and movies and things somehow or another. God grabbed a hold of my life and I realized there is something more and I don't know what I'm doing but I think Lyndon and I together if we do this we could live a pretty amazing life. And so for over two years we walked in purity and we gave our life to Jesus. We just basically said, God I don't know what it looks like to do this but I know what we were doing was not bringing us satisfaction and joy so you can have us. And then I became a husband. What an amazing moment. And then I became a father again and again and again and again and again. We named our ninth, Ocho. Now what's interesting to me is that as I look back on that journey from that broken home to that time of being married the reality is I somehow I knew that I didn't get all of the pieces of the puzzle that I needed to know to be the father that I was called to be. Like I knew I was missing something. I wanted the approval of my father even in my teenage years when I struggled in that relationship even with him. One time we were at a Dick's Sporting Goods or some sort of sporting goods store and my dad found this bin of flip flops those rubber sandals. Do you know what I'm talking about? I'm trying to be really masculine and cool around my dad. So I'm looking at the awesome things like baseball gloves and footballs. My dad just is playing over there with all these stupid sandals. And then he literally yells out loud in the store. Hey Chris, do you still wear thongs? I look at my dad. I said, you cannot call them that anymore. Nobody calls them that dad. You know what I'm talking about, don't you? Hey, you're just saying I'm wearing thongs right now. I have soaked in the scriptures and I began to look at these stories of fathers. Of course, the greatest example is that prodigal son and a father that loves radically unconditionally was so foreign to my upbringing. A father that was looking and searching for the son's return. I never doubted that my father loved me. I just didn't know what it looked like to have that father present in my life. I remember in the early years of being a father, I had my first son, he was my fourth child, but I had to figure it out. I had the girls figure out basically they can do whatever they want, right? So that's the girls, we're done. But the boy, I thought to myself, I gotta do this different with him. Like I need to teach him how to be a good man. I wanna do this different for him compared to what I was experiencing growing up. So I tried so hard to do all the right things. Like let's pray the rosary every night and midway through the rosary, I'm like I think I need a priest, I'm about to choke my children. Nobody's praying the rosary, they're eating the rosary, they're using it as an exercise like kind of thing. Basically they're about to burn the house down with the candles, nobody's focusing, nobody's levitating, nobody's speaking in Latin, we're doing it wrong. Sometimes I literally would try to pray the rosary after dinner, I'd fall asleep midway through the Hail Mary. And my kids would laugh and they'd start praying louder. Like holy Mary, mother of God. And I'd be like, I get upset because my kids weren't super holy, like I have to fit in, I have to do the right thing. What if I'm doing it wrong? I'm gonna screw up my kids, I'm gonna screw them up. One day we're getting ready to go pray the family rosary, that's what all holy families are supposed to do. I'm irritated, who knows why. But my son is farting around with his food, he's little and he's playing with it. Everybody's in the living room ready for the family prayer, right? But he's eating his food and I'm getting angry. And I looked at him, I'm like, you need to finish that food. I mean, he's maybe four or three, I mean, he's little. I'm like, you gotta finish your food, we're going in there to pray, let's go. Quit messing around with your food. You got five minutes and finish it, we're gonna go pray. Five minutes passed, he's still farting around with his food. I looked at him, I said, what are you doing? Like, finish the food, we're praying, come on. It's just disrespectful, let's go. He's got two minutes, let's finish it. If you don't finish it, you're not gonna have dessert. That's a big deal, right? Two minutes passed, he's still messing with his food. Now it's a personal attack, he's being defiant. I gotta break his will or something, right? So I look at him, I'm like, what are you doing? Like, I just told you two minutes, okay, you don't get dessert. I'm gonna give you one more minute to finish that food, if you don't, not only do you not get dessert, but you're gonna go to bed right now and you're not gonna join us for prayer and that food will be there for you in the morning. Like, there it is, I lay down the law, now he's gonna do it. He doesn't do it! Literally, like a minute later, I probably gave him two minutes for that matter, hoping he was gonna obey, but he doesn't. Now I blow my stack, I'm freaking out, I'm so angry. I look at him, I said, get out of that chair, get your butt up in that room, I don't wanna see your face at all until tomorrow morning and then you're gonna eat that food for you. I was so irritated. I don't know why, but that was my snapping point. And he started to cry and I'm thinking, good, you should be crying. And he left and now I'm sitting there at the dinner table and my kid, my wife and my children are like, what is your malfunction, Chris, what are you doing? And I'm so angry, I start thinking to myself, it's your fault, dad. You left me, you're the one who did that. I don't even know what I'm doing. How am I supposed to be a father? How am I supposed to do this? I'm screwing everything up. Who does that? Your food will be there for you in the morning. It's like, I'll bad leave it to Beaver episode. And then I hear the cry voice from upstairs, dad. And I'm like, what? Dad, I'm like, you're supposed to be in bed. You can't even obey that, right? Just get into bed. Dad, what? Dad, what? Dad, he's looking down this little tiny face. Dad, I'm like, what? And he's wearing me, wearing me down. Dad, what? Dad, can we start over? I'm crying, he's crying. I said, I need to start over too. Let's start over. My son is 24 now. He still hasn't eaten that food. These are painful stories for me in a way. And it's painful because I wish I could say to you, I figured it out. Like, I did this perfectly, but I'm still aching for my sons. I'm still aching to be a good father. I'm still aching. And I've often wondered, like, what would I be like today if my mother and my father would have loved each other? Now I think about you. Now I think about you and how many of you grow up in homes. And maybe mom and dad stayed together, but he wasn't present. You looked out in the audience, he was never there. He woke up early, he went to work, he came home and fell asleep in the lazy boy. I went to bed and you never saw him, hardly saw him. John talked about that today during that talk that John Boyle gave on the Holy Spirit. He shared, for about three years of his life, his father just wasn't there. I bet everybody in this room has a story kind of like that. You know how rare it is for a story of a son that grew up with a father that was present that gave them these gifts? You know, what's funny is that these friends of mine, their father, had an affair. They figured out how to stick together. It's like everywhere I looked, every example of family was distorted and broken. I've been married for 32 years. That's a miracle for me. I still don't know what I'm doing, but I do know one thing that is greater than I ever thought it could be, to love. It hurts so much sometimes though, doesn't it? And you who are fathers and deacons serving these parishes, this bride of Christ, that ache that you have, wanting so bad to teach them the faith and yet they're playing with their food? And you're like, what are you doing? I want to share with you something so special, so important as part of our heritage, part of who we are as a family, and you don't want it. We get hurt and we get offended and we think I don't know what I'm doing. The seminary didn't teach me. Do you know how many times I've asked, basically, what is something that surprised you being a new priest and the response is basically everything? There's a story in Scripture I want to look at tonight that's really important to me. And this story is the story of Jairus. Jairus and his daughter. And this is a story I can understand, the desperation of a father who aches for a child. I'm so scared to tell you this story, to be honest. It's a very emotional story. Maybe I've told this only once, but I have a son who disclosed to our priest and the youth minister that he was having some suicidal thoughts. And as a father, it's devastating, terrifying. And every day I think about that child and I send pictures of me in adoration, just so he knows I'm praying for him. I have a friend of mine who used to talk about walking the hallway and he would have a baseball bat in his hands and he had this image of just fighting for his family. And when I found this out about my son, I remember having a conversation with Jesus which was basically like, what are you doing? What are you doing here? I'm giving you my entire life, okay? So I understand if the enemy's going to pick on me but this is a little too much for my kid. How about we just stop that? Why do I have to convince you to intercede and intervene for me? Again, I feel like I don't have the energy to carry a bat. Like, why do I have to carry a bat to show you that I'm desperate for you to intervene for my son? And I'm telling this to my spiritual director. He's crying and I'm crying and he looks at me at the end of that time together and he says, Chris, I'm going to carry the bat for you. That's what my priest said. That's a father. That's a father. That's a father that I know has my back. As I ache for my children, he aches for me, his spiritual child. See, there's something really important here. Each of us come through those doors with aches and wounds, baggage of pain, struggles, and we're so good at pretending. I'm a speaker all over the world. Do you know how easy it would be for me to pretend to just give you information? But that's not what I'm called to do. I will lay myself out and be humiliated for the gospel, be the clown, be whatever it takes to get you to be open to the possibility of God's love. That is my deepest desire. I will share the most personal and intimate things so that you can know that God's love is for you. And this, my friends, is needed in this day and now more than ever in a time when people look at anyone with religious inclinations and says, you're highly suspect. You're a scandal ready to happen. But the truth is, you're a miracle. You're a gift. You're the balm that this world is needing for all of its wounds. You're the witness of what it is that they most long for. You are absolutely the picture of a father who has never left us or forsaken us. It's you. You are the taste of family. You are the invitation to be loved continuously, unconditionally, totally. Here's the story. When Jesus had crossed again in the boat to the other side, a great crowd gathered about him. And he was beside the sea and then came one of the rulers of the synagogue, Jairus by name. And seeing him, he fell at his feet and begged him, saying, my little daughter is at the point of death. Come and lay your hands on her so that she may be made well and live. And this verse right here is my favorite verse this last year. And he went with him. And he went with him. Your deepest ache, your deepest concern, your deepest wound, and he went with him. Is walking with you in all of your pain, with your shattered heart, your memories that are so painful. And a great crowd followed him and thronged about him. And there was a woman who had a flow of blood for 12 years and who had suffered much under many physicians. And he spent all that she had and was no better, but rather grew worse. And she had heard the reports about Jesus and came up behind him in the crowd and touched his garment. And he said, if I touch even his garments, I shall be made well. And immediately the hemorrhage ceased and she felt in her body that she was healed of her disease. And Jesus, perceiving in himself the power had gone forth from him, immediately turned around in the crowd and said, who touched my garments? And his disciples said to him, you see the crowd passing around you and yet you say you touched me. And most can see the disciples like, I don't know Jesus. How about any of these people? But the woman, now this is key, knowing what had been done to her came in fear and trembling and fell down before him and told him the whole truth. Told him the whole truth. And he said to her daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your disease. I want you to think about this. For 12 years this woman has not been at peace. For 12 years she has been ached and spent everything she had to get well. Why? Because she wanted community. We talked about isolation last night. See earlier we have Jairus, the leader of the synagogue. He's a man. They part for him. He's able to come into the presence of Jesus without any hindrance or restriction. He's respected. He's revered. And all make a path available for him. And as he comes to Jesus, Jesus looks at Jairus and sees his ache and he went with him. But this woman with the issue of blood was unclean. Had been outside of community for 12 years. This woman was not countable. They did not count women and children back then. She was not someone to be counted. She should have been claiming I'm unclean. And anyone who came into her presence or touched her would have had to have had ceremonial washing and been separated from others for a period of time. So she had snuck in in desperation. And there are some of you here that have come in desperation for a miracle because you need God to do a healing in your life. Nothing else has worked. And Jesus stops for that woman as he had stopped for Jairus. Jesus looked around and said, who touched me? He knows already though. He's just giving her a chance to say it. He's giving her a chance to say it. I touched you. It's me. He told him the whole truth. Look at me. The whole truth. Who heard this? Everybody. Jairus. And Jesus looks at her and he doesn't reprimand her. He says to her daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace. Daughter. You're not just a woman. You're my daughter. There's so much connected to that word daughter but we can't stay with it. Daughter, your faith has made you well. Go in peace and be healed of your disease. While he was still speaking, there came from the ruler's house some who said your daughter is dead. Why trouble the teacher any further but ignoring what they said Jesus sent to the ruler of the synagogue, this is important. Do not fear. Only believe. And he allowed no one to follow him except Peter and James and John, the brother of James. We all know he comes to the ruler's house. Basically he says the daughter's sleeping. They laugh at him and then he takes that small select group. They go into the inner room there where the girl is and they pray and a miracle happens. She comes forth. She's risen from the dead. This is very important. This woman doesn't know Jairus and Jairus does not know the woman but this woman, whom Jairus may never see again is part of the catalyst, part of the reason that Jairus believes for the miracle. This is important and this is what I want to tell you. The reason I will vulnerability lay myself out before you and share with you these moments of my life that are so painful is because for some of you tonight you need to hear and see that God is a father that loves you unconditionally, that is cheering you on, that will not leave you or forsake you, that is faithful when you have been unfaithful. See when that woman, she comes and she's desperately reaching out, Jesus knows what's going to happen and that miracle is so profound that he's going to allow for her vulnerability and her desperation to be a witness to Jairus. See, in other words, in that moment he could believe the word of the people who come from his house or he could listen to the word of Jesus who had just done that miracle. Do you see this? Do you understand what I'm saying? A miracle happens, Jairus is about to doubt, to despair, right? Don't bother the teacher anymore. She's dead, it's over. And he looks at him and he says only believe. Do not fear, only believe. In other words, like you saw what I just did, well you let me do that for you. And then what happens is Jairus walks with Jesus. So Jesus walks with Jairus and now Jairus will walk with Jesus. And this is really important because the truth is, some of you, the reason, maybe the reason that part of the struggle in your parish is as it is, is because you need to tell what God has done in your life. Amen? This is so important. Part of us, we're worried. We don't want to disclose our brokenness and our ache. And there is definitely, you know, a way that we can do this that is safe and good. You don't disclose every single issue. One time I literally was in the Philippines and there were about 12,000 people there. I've done some speaking myself and this priest got up and disclosed that he basically been in some type of affair before the entire audience. We were all pretty much in the middle of life. I mean, that may not have been the place to do it. But when you are fathering a group of people and you are aching for their wholeness, the truth is you've got to be vulnerable. You've got to be willing to share. You've got to be open to miracles. Last night I said something kind of interesting. I said to you, tonight is your night. What's the miracle that you want? And tonight I believe is your night. And this is what's amazing. Every day as you walk with God, who is that Father for you, looks at you and desires to empower you, speak health into you, bring renewal to you. Every day is a possibility for that miracle that you need. Because what's interesting is that God cares about your desperation. He is wanting to truly be present and satisfying this for you. I want to tell you a story. I have all these kids. I'm trying to teach them the faith. My son Jude, who's the one that's kind of discerning a little bit now. I told you about him. During one of the youth conferences, probably, I don't know, say about 14 years ago. Maybe 15. The bishop here at the time was joining us for the big petition. Who wants to be a priest and who wants to be a nun? And during the priesthood call, I said to my son, Colby, I said, I want you to take up your brothers so they can go. I think they'd be open to this. Just to be open. So this particular year, my son Colby takes the kids up. And after it's all done and they have them pray with them and all that stuff, Colby comes and he sits down and he looks at me and he's like, what the heck was that about? And I thought, clearly I failed. All right, so, I didn't do this very well. So the following year, Jude, under his own initiative, gets up and walks down. There's all of these teenage kids. They're all hanging out there and this little itty-bitty tiny kid is in the front row. I didn't ask him or convince him. I probably just said, if you're interested and you're thinking about maybe being open to being a priest, you could go up if you want. And Jude walked up. But to my frustration, the bishop at that time looked down at him and said, well, you're a little too young to come up here. And it broke my heart. It really did. And this son of mine, though, was being trained in the faith and he kept wanting to go up to receive the Eucharist. So one day I'm on the road and my wife calls me. She says, well, Jude has received his first communion. And I said, I said, well, what do you mean? He hasn't finished his training. And she said, well, apparently he got in line after us. And as we're walking up, little Jude's following and he starts to imitate what everybody else is doing. So I don't know if it was the deacon or if it was like one of the priests, but he goes up there, imitates everybody else, puts his hands out, angelic little eyes, body of Christ, he receives it, and then consumes our Lord and then comes in smiling, beaming, sits next to my wife and he looks over at her and he says, I got me one of those. I was like, we're not doing this right, are we? We're kind of failing. We're failing here. So when Colby was a little guy, I was asked to come over to a church in Pennsylvania over there and I was doing some stuff and at the end of the day, we end with Mass and there's these gigantic cables hanging on this awesome huge crucifix and Colby's little, he's maybe four or so, he's this little itty bitty guy and he looks up at that cross and he looks over at me and he's like, Jesus. And I thought, I am, I'm doing it. I'm the best father in the entire world. I'm teaching my kids the faith. I finally figured this out. And I'm beaming with pride and I looked at Colby and I said, that's right, that's Jesus. And I'm thinking, of course he knows. I mean, he's named after St. Maximilian Colby and we've got statues all over our house, rosaries are plenty. You want thingamabobs? We got 20, you know, no big deal. I'm beaming with pride. I said, that's right, Colby, that's Jesus. And he looks over at me and he's like, what's he doing here? I'm like, he lives here. He's in the tap. He's like, how'd he get in here? I'm thinking, we're not doing this right. I don't know what I'm doing. One day then he comes up to his mom and says, I don't like Jesus anymore. I'm thinking, you're four. Well, like what has God done to you? You're too young to be cynical and sarcastic as Father Dave said. And the truth of the matter is, my wife is smart and she looked at him and said, well, why don't you like Jesus anymore? He says because he doesn't give me a cookie. And at mass he thought everybody was getting cookies. So we went to church together. He's kneeling right next to me. We're at the consecration. The priest is using the big host and he moans out in awe next to me. That's a big cookie. I'm like, I'm not doing this right. I don't know what I'm doing. And Joe, that little boy I told you about. It's time to take your pills. Somebody's on blood thinners here, I promise you. And Joe, little Joe. When he received that first communion, I was with him that second week and they transitioned from the liturgy of the word right into that liturgy of the Eucharist. And Joe looks over at me and he says, this is my favorite part. And I looked at him and I said, why? This is because I get to receive the body of Christ. So here's the funny thing. In my weakness, somehow Jesus has become present and taught me things about what it looks like to be a father. In the early years there was a lot of misunderstanding, a lot of hurt, a lot of ache. And that's similar for many of you because you've tried to navigate into your various parishes and ask the question, what does it look like for me to father these people? It can sometimes change. It can be so painful. In some parishes it seems like it's clicking. I got it. I think we figured it out. And then I don't think I'm doing it so good. And then in other parishes, I don't think they understand anything. Like it's the ache of a father. Like you're doing it. This is what it looks like. And nobody here obviously had a father model what priesthood looked like to you. But you were a part of you or a part of parishes where priests were awesome, great witnesses. And many of you are part of parish dynamics that were so unhealthy that you of your entire ministry tried to live an exact opposition to that. We're so similar, do you see? And the truth of the matter is, is that I'm still as a father trying to look and figure out what does it look like for me to love my children in a way that is healthy and beautiful so that they don't pass on to the next generation these wounds. I have one last story for you. As we get ready to enter into a time of prayer together because that's what I'm going to ask you to do in just a minute with each other here. We're going to go over to Jesus and we're going to let him touch our lives in those desperation moments that we have. Some of you, like Jairus, are going to bring the ache of your parishioners, their brokenness and their pain to Jesus and he will walk with you. But some of you are like that woman with the issue of blood. You're so frustrated, 12 years of something so chronic and so overwhelming and maybe it's alcoholism or maybe it's a struggle with pornography or maybe it's secret issues with anger or gambling. I don't know and I'm not here to judge you. I've got my own mess of crazy. The truth is, he wants to walk with you and he wants to raise you to life. Maybe in that story, you're the young girl. The truth of the matter is, God wants to raise you tonight. There's a miracle for each of you if you let him because all of you are meant to peddle fast. That is the truth of the matter. And when it comes to our faith, you're unstoppable and you can live this faith in such a way that people will talk about it forever. Things that nobody has ever seen before. That's yet to come for so many of you in this faith. Many years ago, after my father moved, he moved to a different state and I didn't see him on the weekends. We saw him on special times like a holiday, a Christmas or a summer break. Maybe some of you know what that's like growing up in homes like that. We were so excited because my best friends had moved to South Dakota and we were going to go down and they had a new farm they were ranching and those friends that we had done all the bike stuff with and all that, I was going to hang out with them. My mom was best friends with their mom who's going to be an amazing time of just celebration and fellowship and catching up. I was super eager. We had like some sort of an extended holiday. We had to go down there for about a week. It was going to be the best. All of a sudden, I'm out there in the driveway and I'm just kind of playing around a little bit. The truth is that I was probably pretending to be one of the guys from the Apple Dumbling Gang or Batman or Robin. We had that first one of the early electric garage door openers. I remember trying to be super cool and slide under that door but my fat little body didn't slide very well. I have a vivid memory of that door crushing me and there was no protective mechanism on it. I'm the reason there's a protective mechanism on them now. I just remember thinking like, I can't reach the button to stop this. Squeezing out like a sausage casing. I know it's hard for you to imagine but I was awkward as a child and so I'm out there and I'm just playing around and John Paul, I'm going to have you do a little bit of what you do. The truth of the matter is that I was just in my own world in my head, my imagination and I looked down the road and there's a car coming up and I'm like, that looks like my dad's car but that's impossible. It can't be my dad. He lives in Minnesota and the car comes down and I realized, my gosh, I think that's him. I got excited. I'm thinking, wait a minute, he's coming to my house. What if my mom and dad are going to get back together? What if everything's going to be okay? I used to sit next to my mom and I'd say, mom, if dad were interested in getting back together with you, would you take him back? My mom would look at me and she'd say, Chris, some things would have to change. Like Gail would take him back and I was so hopeful and then I'd be with my dad, I'd be like, dad, would you be interested in getting back together with mom if she were open to that? She would look at me or he would look at me and he would say, Chris, I love you and I love your sister very much. I just don't feel that way about your mom anymore and I would think they're never going to get back together because I knew he didn't want that. As I'm there and I'm looking at my father drives into the driveway, I'm filled with so much hope and I look at him and he looks at me and he gets out and he comes over and he says, where's your mom? I said, she's upstairs in the house. I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, I got to talk to her. So he went upstairs and then they come out together. My mom and my sister and my dad. My father looks at me and my mother says, Chris, your dad's just come from Minnesota and wants to know if you want to if you want to go spend this weekend with him. You just want to see if you want to have a father's son time, just you two together. That means that you won't be able to go see your friends. So you have to make a decision. What do you want to do? And I was paralyzed. I didn't know what to do and I looked at my mom. I looked at my dad and I said to her, like, well maybe like maybe Carrie can go, my sister. She said, he can't. He can't take her. He's too little. He came for you, Chris. What do you want to do? I said, are you still going to go? She said, I'm still going to go. I'm going to go see, no, their mom. I hang out. What do you want to do? I looked at my dad and I looked at my mom and I said to my dad, I didn't know you were coming. So I'm going to go see my friends and my father. He was so charitable. I said, that's okay. He got in that car and inside of me it was like I was dying. It was like something was happening. I knew I was making the wrong decision. Like I was, I didn't know what to do. And I wanted to say, I changed my mind. I'm going to go with you. I want to go with you. I didn't mean it. I'll come with you. I was in this time. Stopped. I could see through the window and I thought he was crying. I thought to myself, I'm making the wrong choice and he drove away and I wanted to scream, stop. But I still wanted to see my friends. We got in that car and drove to South Dakota. I had the worst time in my life. I hated every minute of it. Nothing worked. It wasn't the same anymore. and I would just cry. I was thinking, I don't know. I wish I could change it. 40 years, maybe actually, probably 45 years later. I'm sitting with my dad. He came up to visit. We're sitting by the lake, both in the chairs, and I decided to bring up this story. I've never talked about it. I was terrified. I looked over at my dad and I said, do you remember? And then I told the story. I was so painful. I'm bearing my heart. This gut punch of a moment. My dad pauses and I'm waiting. Is he mad? And he looks over at me and I swear to God, this is what he said. I don't remember that at all. I'm like, what? I've been beating myself up for 40-something years, and you don't remember this at all? He never held that against me for one minute, but I've been beating myself up for decades. And this is what happens in our faith so much. We did things. We've said things. We struggled in areas, and then we spent decades beating ourselves up, questioning how could God use me? I'm not a good father. I've failed. I'm broken. But God looks at you and he says, I don't remember that at all. Like, you're my son. I want to be with you. Now one moment, when I was with my father, did he ever resent that I chose my friends that day? Now one moment did he ever bring up? In fact, every time I was with my father, he wanted me to know he loved me. Even a broken man with a broken marriage knew that for me as a son, I needed to hear over and over again that he loved me. And still for 40 years, I struggled. It is not uncommon for you as men to struggle understanding what it looks like to be a husband. Right? You are the husband of that bride of Christ. What it looks like for you to be a father. You are a father to these parishioners. And when you bring all of that brokenness to the father, he's not resentful. Actually, he just wants to heal you with the words, it's forgotten. Remember when Deke and Harold stood in front of there and he's like, what all the things that I've done wrong? He's like, I don't know what you're talking about. There's this whole truth of the forgiveness and the way that God loves that we have to embrace, because that's the message that our parishioners need. That's the message that these families need. How many parents in your church are trying to live for God and feel so broken and so incapable and so unable? You know what the secret is? Tell your story. Amen? Oh, so I want you to do this. We're going to pray together. And I want you to circle up again with that group. Pick two or three, four people. And what I want you to do is you're going to be fast. I don't want you to fight around until your life story. What I want you to do is this is it. One thing that you know, be on a shadow of a doubt that God has done in your life. One miracle that you are certain that God has done, where you know for a fact God spoke to you. God did that work in you. And what I want you to do is I want you to share it. I want you to declare it, that vulnerability. I want you to be vulnerable with each other. Why? Because somebody here, somebody here has word that their daughter is dead. Somebody here has word that basically 12 years of trying and it's still not working. Somebody here has word that a family member has cancer. Somebody here has word that a friend is getting divorced. Somebody here has word that their spouse is leaving them. Do you understand what I'm saying to you? So I want you to circle up. Let's do this. We're going to say it. I want you to share. Just go bam, bam, bam. What has God done in your life? Share that, share that miracle.