 If you're a woman actively dating in the marketplace, the dating marketplace, and you're seeking advice, coming to YouTube to get advice, it seems to me that most advice for women is centered around how they must change to make a man love them. Let me say that one more time. A lot of dating advice is centered around how women should change to make a man love them. Now, recently I shot a video called The Six Habits that men find incredibly attractive, and just to repeat them really quickly for those of you that didn't watch it, it's called, some of the habits are optimistic, letting things go, being punctual, being agreeable, versus controlling, easy going and genuine. You see how this advice is all centered around women must do blank to make a man love them? So I thought today I would have a conversation about what men must do to make women love them. And what I mean to say, what men must do for them to be open to love. And the reality is these days the vast majority of human beings are suffering on the inside. They're suffering from childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas. In fact, I was talking to a trauma specialist today and she said there's almost a repetitiveness, I think she called it compound PTSD, compound PTSD. In other words, it isn't just one trauma, as many traumas we've experienced in our lives that makes most humans rather dysfunctional, makes most humans, now when I say dysfunctional I don't mean their inability to pay their bills and be responsible human beings. I mean their emotional maturity is rather dysfunctional. If you haven't seen my chart and please forgive the glare right now. Once you see this right now, I say roughly about 20% of the population, this is emotional maturity relationship skills have clinical issues, makes it very difficult for them to lean into a healthy happy relationship. And when I say 20% is rather healthy and probably being generous, the vast majority of humans are rather dysfunctional. So when you take 20% and 60%, 80% of men need the following to actually be able to genuinely fall in love with someone, that's right. You know, there's a good, and by the way for my clients who work with me and I'm grateful that I'm in a business where I get to help women, attract really good partners in their life. And what I've come to realize is that we are swimming in a sea of dysfunctionality, both men and women alike. We are swimming in a sea of chaos when it comes to interpersonal relationships. And furthermore, it is a cluster F out there when it comes to dating in our current design, whether we use swipe apps, whether we use dating sites, whether it's sliding into someone's DMs on Instagram. I like whoever thought of that one sliding in their DMs on Instagram. And certainly ideally, whether it's meeting organically or not, it is incredibly challenging to meet a partner who's actually aligned with your values, whose lifestyle is compatible with yours, that's emotionally grown up enough and having that all elusive chemistry. Isn't it also fascinating how most humans believe that physical attraction and chemistry is the indicator of relationship success? That's right. So as I said a moment ago, if the vast majority of people are emotionally dysfunctional and have poor relationship skills, and what I mean by poor relationship skills, I'm primarily talking about good communication skills and good active listening skills. And more importantly, the capacity to resolve conflict without it being an ego struggle. And so it's a combination of men and women alike and yet 80% of the population struggles with this mildly. So what's it going to take for those 80% of men to shift? What's it going to take for those 80% of men who are rather dysfunctional that have poor relationship skills who maybe even have clinical issues? Well, the reality is these men are going to have to change if they want a significant, healthy, happy relationship. I'm going to repeat that they have to change too. This isn't, dating advice shouldn't be so hyper focused on what's wrong with women. In fact, in the red pill community, it all talks about how feminism has ruined relationships today. Feminism hasn't ruined relationships. Women's empowerment hasn't ruined relationships. What it's done is allow them to no longer be subservient to men or dependence upon men for their livelihood. And yet a lot of dating advice is centered around that. In addition, a lot of dating advice is centered around what's known as the sexual marketplace, the sexual marketplace. And while there is truth to the fact that people who are more physically attractive get more attention, and to some degree, it's critically important to actually take care of one's physical health and their physical appearance to be attractive to the opposite sex. When I wrote my book, folks, if you're not familiar with it, oops, here's a copy of it. It's called What the Heck is Self-Love Anyway? A Journey of Personal Development, Self-Help, and Spiritual Work. By the way, there's a link below to get a copy of my book and all the books I recommend are listed below. I'll recommend a number of books. One of the topics is centered around our body as a machine. We need to actually do a good job taking care of it to actually be attractive to the opposite sex. And for those of us in midlife, that becomes increasingly challenging. But Jonathan, there's just as many men that look bad out there. Yeah, I get it, this isn't singular to one gender. Men and women alike, if you're in midlife, which I say is after baby making years before retirement, if you're 50, 55, 60, 65, 70 years old, and guess what, you still, even at 70 years old, you have a good chance of living another 15 to 20 years. If you happen to be single, maybe not by choice, if you're a widower, you still have life left in you. So taking good care of your physical appearance is important. But the change I was talking about centers around emotional maturity and relationship skills. That's right, emotional maturity and relationship skills. One of the things I do for my private coaching clients is I teach them the skills to determine who's actually an emotional grownup, how to vet for emotional maturity, which question should you be asking based on your personality to determine if he's worthy of your time. By the way, there's a link right here, the schedule of discovery call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. Folks, men have to change. Now, when I say change, they must make effort. Otherwise, if you're choosing to invest in someone based on physical attractiveness and you found out they most likely have done little or no personal development work in their life, it's going to be incredibly problematic to explore a relationship with them. This is why folks, if you're not familiar with the work of the Hoffman process, the Hoffman process. Again, the books I recommend are listed below. This is the deep dive into healing childhood wounds and traumas and adult traumas that allow you to heal our negative patterns and our limiting beliefs in our life and our way of approaching other human beings. One of the things I experienced when I did the actual event in Napa Valley, I walked away with the feeling of what's it, I walked away with what it feels like to be wrapped in a blanket of self-love. Yeah, to be wrapped in a blanket and what I mean by self-love, I mean being able to genuinely be present to not be needy, not be codependent, not be controlling. I was able to do a lot of work in that area. And so when I come and I say men have to change, they have to change if they want to attract a good, healthy partner in their life. Otherwise they're going to be experiencing what I call or what you might be experiencing are what I call the spenders. And if you're not familiar with the spenders, here's another and please forgive the glare. Okay, there's users, there's enders and then there's growers and builders. The users are those people who are looking for short-term connection, love bombers, the players, that sort of thing, the gold diggers. All they seek is short-term gratification or they seek to take advantage of you, those narcissistic type personalities. The growers and the builders, those are the ones that's 20% of the population, those are the ones who are ready for a significant relationship and the spenders. They want companionship, connection and sex without any real comprehension around commitment. This is 80% of the population. So if men want to be in that grower category, they're gonna, I mean, my invitation for them is for them to do the personal development, self-help and spiritual work so they can attract a really good partner in their life. Sadly, most people today are experiencing rather casual dysfunctional relationships. And what I mean by dysfunctional relationships, you know, one of the fundamentals needed for a healthy, happy relationship is genuine trust. And trust isn't about fidelity. Trust is, does this person have my best interest at heart? Do they genuinely care about my best interest? You know, being silent and not telling someone something because you think it might hurt them is not being in their best interest. Being in their best interest is not doing the behavior that would cause you to be silent to someone. And I'm thinking particularly of a conversation we're having in my private group called Midlife Love Mastery, by the way, there's a link below. There's a conversation in there. We're talking about this very similar situation. By the way, I have a confession. I'm looking at the camera right now. I, folks, I have recently just dyed my eyebrows and I noticed how dark they are on camera right now. By the way, it only works for about a day or two because the gray hair does come out. And folks, I do not color my hair. I was talking to my stylist today when I got a haircut. She goes, there are the rare men out there that don't get too much gray hair. But my girlfriend spotted a few in there, so they exist. Yeah, I went off on a personal tangent there. But let me come back to my point. Folks, if you're a woman seeking genuine dating advice, then it starts first is doing the inner work for yourself to heal any childhood wounds and traumas or adult traumas that typically comes after significant relationship breakups and do the healing. Number one, in fact, I said earlier, I was speaking to a trauma specialist. She has a website called Naked Divorce and Naked Recovery. Can someone, .com, can someone write that in the chat box? Naked Divorce and Naked Recovery, Adele Theron. I had a great conversation with her. She's in New Zealand. And the work she does to help heal men and women truly puts them in a class above themselves. And what I mean to, her work is a class by themselves, but puts these people in a trajectory to attract great love in their life. That's my invitation for all of you. In addition, I would seek men who have also done some level of personal development, self-help and spiritual work or therapy. I should have mentioned that too. Therapy is critically important to heal those compound PTSD, those traumas that people might have experienced, PTSD, because without it, these men aren't going to experience love in their lives and neither are you. This isn't work for the faint of heart. And again, you literally have a greater chance of meeting someone who's emotionally dysfunctional than someone who's at least emotionally healthy. And look it, I could put myself in the trend 20% category emotionally healthy and I still have significant issues. I can be needy, I can be bonehead, but for the most part in relationship, I have the listening skills and I only point myself out in this. And I wouldn't have learned this if it wasn't for the personal development, self-help, spiritual work and therapy I did. So what do men need to do to attract, why is it 80% of men need to do this? Because these are the guys that are really effed up and they need it the most. Now, what do you do about this as a woman? Folks, something I teach in my private coaching is called radical honesty, pre-qualifying your prospect. If you've done a good job, making yourself attractive enough so a number of people are interested in you. And by the way, we are all competing against one another whether we like it or not. We could be all spiritual and say that's not the case. No, we are competing. Not, I mean, I'm not saying this intentionally but on some level we are competing against people. And what I mean to say is if you really want something in your life then you should make maximum effort to make it happen. Those of you who know my sweetheart, Marie, right there this afternoon where we were speaking at Del Throne about naked divorce, naked recovery, we're talking about what Marie did to attract me in her life. Now, it's not because she's a beautiful woman, it's because she did all the steps to heal her past. She takes good care of herself physically and she's worked on herself and understands men in the capacity where she actually has great listening skills and great communication skills. One of the things that I appreciate about her most and thankfully I believe I equally share in those skills but this didn't happen overnight, it took work. And so what do these 80% of men need to do? They need to change. There, I said it. It's not all incumbent upon women to do all the work like a lot of the videos suggest and believe me this has nothing to do with feminism. Be grateful that you are in a place of your life to be empowered and not dependent on another human being in your life because the worst thing that can happen is dependency because then you might get stuck with a person because you're dependent upon them who could be a real fucking asshole. And my hope is you don't experience that. All right, I got that off my chest. Let's do a prayer with that. God, universe, spirit, I interact in an emotionally healthy person who's done the inner work. And so that when we meet, we have amazing chemistry with one another and our communication together is off the charts because we actively listen to one another and we are compatible in every sense of the word and we share the same values and our lifestyles are blendable. And more importantly, we both have the emotional maturity to carry on a healthy, happy, juicy, delicious relationship, God, universe, spirit. I invite that into my life. And I invite that in for yourself as well. All right, folks, hope you got value in this conversation. It's really simple. If these men want love from a woman, they better start changing. That's my message to men today. All right, it's time for questions. Those of you who know my format know. If you have a question of me, write the word question then post the question there after or you can purchase a super sticker, super chat, the little dollar sign in the chat box or you can purchase a super thank you if you're watching the replay. All of the monies from the super sticker, super chat goes to a scholarship fund in the name of my son, Connor Asley. That's a picture of him right there. It's my son who passed away four and a half years ago and his honor I donate to causes like the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute, just to name a few to further that personal development, that change I talked about earlier. All right, so if you have a question, write the word question and post the question thereafter. Let's see what we have in the board today. We just says, Jonathan, your shirt looks great. Thank you so much. Someone saying smart shouldn't get stuck with a creep. Let's see, Jennifer says, I love the prayer. Desert says, step up men, I agree. Again, I mentioned the naked divorce and naked recovery, go on there and check it out. Elena, I just sent you an email. I need new ones of these, but not glaring, not with the gloss. I need matted versions of these. If you could help me out. I sent you an email just earlier today. So thank you so much. Ah, let's see. Lexi says, women are going to feel better about themselves when they discover we are at the gatekeepers to our happiness. We let in those men who are worthy and it's up to us to have the discernment boundaries. Very, very, very well said. Again, Kanita says, naked divorce, exactly. Nicole said, your eyebrows look great. Really, I swear they look really dark on camera. All right, let's see if we have any questions. Do you have a, oh, here we go. Sherry says, always great advice. Thanks, Jonathan. Margaret writes, question. I do a lot of work on myself, but my male therapist says, men are afraid of their emotions. What do you think? Well, I think to some degree, there can be a fear if a person gives into their emotions, they won't be in control. So that's certainly true. And while men tend to be more logical in their way of approaching their emotions, I do believe that men are thirsty for wanting to have a partner that they can be vulnerable, authentic and transparent with. The challenge is we've been taught that if we are vulnerable to our partner, that that partner will be less attractive to us. And to some degree, that is the case. In the early stage of dating, if a man is too vulnerable early, that might not be attractive to a partner. In addition, if you're in a partnership where you're physically dependent upon a man, financially dependent, and he shows vulnerability or weakness, he could lose your respect. So those are relatively true. With that said, what's the number one cause for divorce here in the United States? Number one cause for divorce is usually centered around sex and intimacy, a lack of intimacy. And maybe women do initiate more divorces, but the real reality is, if you two couples want to have a juicy, delicious relationship, it's incumbent upon them to build the emotional intimacy in the relationship. Folks, if you're not familiar with the book by Robert Masters called Emotional Intimacy, I highly recommend reading this book so you can understand the mechanics of emotional intimacy. Like, what's the point? Listen, we can have relationships where we have companionship, connection and sex, okay? We can have that. And certainly commitment is really needed to really reinforce that relationship. But ultimately, isn't it about, isn't the point of having a romantic partner in our later years of our life is to be vulnerable, to be authentic and transparent? When my mother and father were two, but before my mother passed away, they were married 66 years. They reached a point where they could be absolutely themselves with one another. Excuse me, I got something in my tea. You know, that took a lot of years to develop. Well, we need to do that much quicker because we're not married to people for 30, 40, 50 years. It's incumbent upon us to develop that emotional intimacy rather quickly if we want to build the deep roots of trust to sustain a long-term, loving, happy relationship. That's my invitation. So coming back to your question, that's the reason why, but men are thirsty. They just need to have the right partner to make it happen. So that's my response to you, Margaret. Elena says, I have to look at those lamination seeds. I don't think I have any matte laminate sheet. Thank you so much. I appreciate that. I wanna thank Gianna for the $4.99 super sticker. Thank you so much for the Conor Asley Scholarship Fund. Next is natural products question. Can an ex-spouse remain good friends spending time with each other, although they are supposed to be in a relationship with other people? So I am fortunate that both my ex-wife and I and my last significant relationship, we have a friendly relationship with each other. Now, I don't consider myself friends with them, but we do have a friendly relationship. One, my most last significant relationship, I'd consider us friends, but we don't talk once a week. We don't maybe talk once a month. We do socialize together because we have many friends together. My sweetheart, Marie, has met my ex-girlfriend. We've double dated with her partner. We went on their boat. We've hung out at their vineyard. She happens to have a vineyard, or they do, I should say. So, but I'm not calling this person all the time as a friend, okay? Now, so we have to really identify what is friendship? Is it somebody you confide your innermost thoughts and feelings? I think if you are confiding your innermost thoughts and feelings to an ex-lover and you're in a relationship with someone, that's crossing a boundary in my book. Find somebody else than an ex-lover to have intimate conversations because that could lead to what's known as emotional sex. But being able to help out, like my ex-wife needed something, I helped her out, my ex-girlfriend, I needed something from her. She helped me out. I was actually helping her boyfriend out by posting on my YouTube channel. So, I mean, it really depends, and it depends on how clean the break was. The worst thing you can do if you're in a relationship is to be secretive about spending time with an ex-lover or an ex-partner, to be secretive to your own partner. Be very upfront about that because if you wanna build trust in your relationship, you have to be transparent, transparent. And I don't recommend being deceptive to any partner. So, I hope I answered your question, but that's the direction I took it anyway, okay? Does anyone agree with me? Do you resonate with me if you do? Please hit that like button. Please share this video. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Please subscribe to my channel if you're brand new. Okay, let's keep swimming. Anna, question. What is the one quality men look for in a woman? Why do men shy away from confident, secure women? So, it's not one quality men look for in a woman. And I don't believe confident men shy away from confident women. I don't believe that. I believe there are confident women who can be controlling. I believe there are confident women who can be demanding. I do believe there are confident women that can be critical and they can be defensive and they can have a lot of qualities that are unattractive and still be confident. So, an insecure person, so now let's talk about insecure men. An insecure man is most likely living in a state of shame and that shame causes him to feel weak in the relationship. So, if a woman is confident, the issue isn't her confidence. It's his insecurity or shame that's causing him to deflect from that because he doesn't feel worthy enough to be in a relationship with this person. And so, my question would, why would a woman wanna be with a man who doesn't value himself? Just like, how many women are in relationships with men who these women don't value themselves? They choose narcissistic partners. This is true for men and women alike, but it's because when a person doesn't value themselves, they are naturally intimidated or fearful because they're fearful that the love will abandon them. So, but there is no one quality. There's a hundred qualities that we are attracted to. I mean, with my sweetheart and Marie, certainly the looks is what got in the door, okay? So, first thing I saw was a profile picture. I read her profile and I actually appreciated the words she wrote in her essay. After we got past our first phone call, I recognized there was some depth to her. And it wasn't until I really peeled the onion in this person that she's, what I admire most about her is that she is authentic. She's transparent, she's vulnerable, she's kind, she's generous, she has an agreeable personality. She's easy going, she's chill. It's not a constant battle with this person. And I've had plenty of relationships where it's been, oh, God, a constant battle with these so-called confident women. So, anyways, that's my rant on that. Does that help you at all, Anna? I hope so. Marilyn says, I vet them thoroughly. They jump into a relationship with no healing or inner work. Yes, vet men. Vet men, that's what I teach in my private coaching. All right, Jennifer writes, question. Why do men still ask questions about where you went to college, work, or career, et cetera dates? I find this makes them judge a person based on information that's not a real connection. So, I'll be very clear. I asked my beloved where she went to college, what she did for work, what was her career? Of course I asked those questions, just like I shared my own. Sometimes I ask that question as a precursor to sharing my own. It gives us, we wanna know his, we wanna get a sense of this person's backstory. And sometimes we start with those areas. You know, I wouldn't be too, here, what did you say again? You know, sure, we can be judgmental. Yes, we could judge someone for not going to college, okay? Yeah, we could judge that person. I've recently witnessed that for a millennial that had to deal with that. A female millennial who didn't go to college and the person that they're with broke up with them over that reason which I think is just absolute garbage is if there's something defective with that person. That's not the case, but what does that say about the person that did the judgment? Listen, what is it about those men? Some men ask like I did from a very sincere place. Some are asking cause they're trying to see if there's a common bond with one another and some people are asking from a judgment place. Yes, that is true. That is not all men, those are just some men. All right, thank you for your question, Jennifer. I appreciate it. All right, Jade writes question. First, thank you for advising men directly because they could be confused too. Question, please describe what deep roots a trust look like. Thank you for the prayer. So some of the common areas of trust that gets built. First off is centered around emotional connection. Do you speak the same love language? That sort of thing, emotional connection. Next is financial agreement. Are you on the same page when it comes to money? The reality is is it takes money to make a relationship. Well, Jonathan, I'm just supposed to sit back in my feminine energy and let the man do everything and pay for everything because I'm a user and a taker. Folks, a healthy relationship is two cars traveling down a two lane street at the same speed. Making mutual effort in the relationship and having economic agreement builds deep roots of trust in a relationship in the book by John Gottman and John and Julie Gottman, eight dates. It talks about money and work as an important part of the conversation. So emotional connection, economic agreement, certainly building trust happens through activities, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork building skills both in your personal and professional life and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. That is how you build the deep roots of trust is through those areas. So to answer your question, those are the primary areas to focus on. Emotional connection, economic agreement, social activities, hobbies, mutual interests, family and friends and intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. All right, Jay, thank you so much for that one. All right, Margaret says, good point about thanks, transparency. Thank you so much. Marilyn says, men are very definitely afraid of emotions. First off, some men are afraid of emotions, not all men. In fact, I will tell you that some of the most successful men on the planet have an ability to regulate their emotions. You know, I've shared this story before, but when John Glenn got shot up in the space, this is the first man to orbit the Earth. Here he's on this humongous rocket with all, you know, like a billion dynamite sticks of energy blasting them into space. And I believe his heart rate never got over 75 beats a minute or something like that. Imagine that you, I mean, to me, I'd be scared shitless. My heart would be pounding at 150 beats a minute. To regulate one's emotions is one of the significant ways to navigate life without chaos. So there are a lot of men who are capable of navigating their emotions, regulating their emotions. I think what's the problem is, is a lot of men are not as verbal with their emotions and they get criticized as not being emotional. The difference is men just struggle with verbalizing their emotions, but it doesn't mean that they're not experiencing emotions. And more importantly, they're regulating them so they're not going out of control. And our world would be really fucked up if all men were out of control emotionally. I think it's Dr. Pat Allen says that's women. They're the irrational ones. Those aren't my words, that was hers. Or at least I heard it in one of her workshops. So I believe men are actually good at regulating emotions. They're just not good at necessarily verbalizing how they feel about a partner in a relationship. That's where men could do a lot of work in that area. All right, thank you so much for that. Jade says, what is an example of some emotionally intimate sharing which could be inappropriate with an X as different people might define this differently? Great question. If you haven't read the book, chatting or cheating by Dr. Sherry Myers, this is actually my ex-girlfriend. There's a picture in the back. I'm actually in this book. She gives me some credit for it. But what this talks about is emotional sex. And that happens when we're emotionally communicating with our partner, very vulnerable intimate, excuse me, not a partner, but a previous partner, someone who's not your partner, you're being verbally expressing intimate emotional things within your life that's not with a partner. That, here, coming back to your question. I think is inappropriate from the sense of how would your partner feel if you're sharing things about your life with an ex-lover? Because there are plenty of other people on the planet you can speak to that doesn't have to be an ex-lover. So that's my two cents on that one. So Jade, thank you so much for that question. Gianna says, question, I'm 34. I found a 45-year-old man that is looking for a partner like me. We have a connection, hobby, so forth. I don't feel safe. Well, I'm sorry to hear that. You don't really have a question there, but thank you for sharing the particulars. Why is it you don't feel safe? That would be my first question. What is missing in your relationship? Folks, one of the things that my girlfriend and I did very early on was we laid our cards on the table very early on. We practiced radical honesty, which I teach in my private coaching. Listen, I'm a big proponent. Get this shit out of the way as soon as you can. If the two of you decide to sleep together, that is your time, right? When you decide that the penis is gonna go side the vagina, I know some people are offended that I say that, is the minute you do that, then that's the time to get radically honest with one another. But Jonathan, I'm allowed to do whatever I want with my body. I can have sex whenever I want, and I can sleep with as many men as I want. Yeah, you can do all that. But let me tell you what happens when you have sex with person after person after person after person after person, or you think you're in a relationship with a person after person after person, it wears on you emotionally. There are micro traumas that occur every time a relationship doesn't go anywhere. So it's time, it's incumbent upon each person right now. If two people like each other, they're gonna explore a relationship and they're gonna explore sex, then get a lot of the heavy duty questions out of the way, which again, I teach that in my private coaching, schedule a call with me to see if working with a coach is right for you. All right, thank you so much. Anna says, thank you. Your answer is very insightful. I appreciate that. Happy Anne writes, question, is a guy serious about being with you if they only contact you once a day? Well, I think once a day, I think once a day is actually good in today's standard. So yeah, once a day is good. By the way, folks, this incessant need for constant communication is, it's like this, people are suckling on the nipple of, I need you to love me. I need you to contact me a hundred times today so I can feel good about myself. Otherwise, if I don't hear from you a hundred times a day, I don't feel good about myself and I'm feeling insecure about this relationship, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Folks, we don't need, once a day is plenty. Checking in, by the way, now, a happy relationship happens this way. Spending three or four days and nights a week together, doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy that leads to either moving in together, getting married, that's how trust is built. So you don't need, you don't need to talk 14 times a day to feel safe unless you're insecure and you're suckling on the nipple of I need someone to validate me all day long so I can feel good about myself. And then if you do that, please read the Hoffman process. All right, that was my rant there. Thank you so much, Appian. By the way, is this sinking in with everyone? Is this resonating with you? Please let me know. Please hit that like button. Please share this video with your friends. Please subscribe to my channel. Please tell more people to subscribe to my channel. I say this as a, I feel like I'm begging, but I really want to get my message out to as many people as possible. So please like this video and please share it right away as soon as you get off, okay? All right, Sherry writes question. It's hard not seeing others are in their own way when dating. I've done the work to date better. I did some of your ties with other causes, a shift in friendship afterwards gaining insight. I've done, it's hard not, I don't see a question there, Sherry. Can you do me a favor? Actually, tell me what the question is you're asking. So, and I'll find it because I'm not understanding what is it you're asking? All right, Bartolas question. When a man dated you for three years and then met another woman and talked to her the way that he had been dating, never liked him a woman, wait a minute. When a man dated you for three years and then met another woman and talked her, talked her that the way that he had been dating never liked him as a woman, liked him a woman. What do you think happened? I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're trying to accomplish there or with that question. I'm sorry about that. A man dated you for three years and talked to another woman. I guess he's just not that into you anymore. That's my best guess. Question, do you think that a man can catch up if you already have a relationship and he's not done the work? Listen, if a man is introspective and willing to do work, he doesn't have to be at your level. You just have to be at a place where you're vulnerable, you're authentic, you're transparent, you have good communication skills between the two of you, you have good conflict, that's all you need, plus a little chemistry and shared values, blendable lifestyles because he doesn't have to be where you're at, he just has to be willing to do the work. Great question Natalie, I appreciate that. Why do men go silent for days, weeks, and months at a time in a relationship instead of talking about what's wrong with your partner? First off, anybody that goes, if anyone goes silent for more than a week to 10 days, that person is just not that into you. Now, they're into you enough to want your sex and want some companionship at their beck and call, but anyone who goes, actually, let me backtrack, anyone who goes silent for more than 72 hours doesn't consider you partnership material. I think since meeting, physically meeting Marie, 10 months ago, I don't think we've gone a day without speaking together, and she was in Africa for two weeks. We connected while she was apart. I mean, we've had maybe a couple of days here or there, we haven't spoken. Like when a guy is genuinely into you, he makes the effort to be with you, he doesn't need to go silent. And if he does need to take a break, he'll be up front and communicate that with you right from the get-go. The only men who go silent are the men who are just not that into you. I'm just sorry, I'm to be blunt, but that's the reality. Men who go silent are just not that into you. Margaret says, yes, regulation of emotions is important. A lot of men can do this. Exactly. Brenda writes, question. When you're fishing, when you finish searching, I think it's finishing searching on the dating sites, what are the best first questions to ask without seeming like you're drilling them? So folks, I want you to all go and order the following. Where is it? It's called card decks, card decks. Once you go Play Store, Apple Store, Play Store, card decks. Okay, so here are some great, this website offers some great questions, like open-ended questions. Let's begin. What do you want your life to be like in say three years? I'm not a big fan of that question. How do you see your work changing in the future? How do you feel about your physical home and architectural changes you'd like to make? How would you compare yourself as a mother or father to your own mother and father? That's an interesting one. I'd really like to explore that with myself. Actually, that's something I want to talk to Marie and I about later. What kind of person do you think our children will become, any fears or hopes? So this happens to be couples in relationship. There's actually a singles version of this, but this is called card decks, card decks. Someone post that in the chat box. It's the Gottman card decks, G-O-T-T-M-A-N, card decks, C-A-R-D decks, okay? Great question, thank you so much, Brenda. Marilyn says, Jonathan, that book is amazing. I loved it, so happy to hear. Folks, how much is personal coaching? Do me a favor. If you're interested in personal coaching, click the link right here, johnathanazley.com coaching, fill out the form. You can schedule a call with me and we'll try to create a program that's within your budget, okay? So fill out the link there, the schedule a free discovery call with me. Brenda writes, question, what are the best first questions to ask without seeming like you're drilling them? Well, I just did go to card decks. Natalie just wrote, question, do you think there's a way for a relationship to get caught up if a guy hasn't done the work? We've already done that one, so I answered that one. Thanks, Natalie. Super sticker, Margaret, thank you so much for the super sticker. We really appreciate it. Oh, Sherry, thank you so much for the $9.99 super sticker, folks. I'd really like to get the Connor Asley Scholarship Fund built up tonight. Do me a favor, click that little dollar sign, invest $1, $5, $10, $50. I really wanna donate some money this month to the Hoffman Process and Insight Institute. All right, J.M. writes, question, if I think what you always describe as being a relationship, you know, spending time together at least three or nights a week, if I think it's too much time to spend together, I'm just not ready. Well, here's the thing. What's the point of dating? Like, what's the point? The purpose of dating is to form a relationship. Okay, then what's the point or what's the purpose of relationship? I think it's to vet a person to decide if you want partnership with them. So what does partnership look like to you? Well, do you want partnership to, well, you know, we see each other once in a while. You know what, we just call each other when we wanna have sex, you know, and yeah, we might talk to each other once, well, that's the kind of partnership I want. Folks, look it. It used to be people got married in less than two months of knowing each other. Today, dating is just a version of friends with benefits. That's all it is. Dating is just a version of friends with benefits, okay? Listen, the minute you begin having sex with someone, it should be a relationship with that person. And the minute you decide you're gonna explore a relationship, then there should be some standards associated with that relationship. What's the purpose of doing this? Are we doing this for a short run? Well, I just need time to get to know you. Folks, it only takes about 40 hours to get to know someone, this according to Jay Shetty. I say it takes 100 hours of face to face time to build the first layer of trust. And it takes 200 hours to really develop a good friend. 200 hours of face to face time. So, three or four days and nights a week together doing shared activities, hobbies, mutual interests, spending time with family and friends, traveling together, teamwork, building skills, both in your personal and your professional life, intimacy, both physical and emotional intimacy. It doesn't take that long to determine if this is partnership material. Our current dating process is really just a strung out friends with benefits. Companionship, connection, and sex with little or no commitment or little or no intentionality towards commitment. And folks, I know you could just sit back in your feminine energy and just hope men will claim you. Folks, if you're dealing with men who are dysfunctional like this topic talked about, if they're just winging it, then you're putting your relationship destiny in the hands of someone who's fucking clueless. You are in charge of your relationship destiny. You set the standard, you set the boundaries. So if you're not capable of committing that much time, you're really just gonna have an extended friends with benefits. Listen, I could be a little puritan, I could be a little bit with this righteous, but folks, today's dating process is just, I said a strung out version of friends with benefits because it's just a bunch of people in mediocre casual relationships and they lack real intentionality. Is this sinking in? Is this resonating? Please let me know. Boy, okay, you know what? I'm too riled up right now to go any further. I am really here to yell at the top of my lungs. Folks, it's time to stop being passive in your life for those of us in midlife, the days in front of us are not as long as the days, you know, the days in front of us are not as long as the days behind us. It's time to make much quicker decisions and it takes, and my invitation for everyone is to really practice radical honesty, really vet a person because these days, not only do you have a greater chance of finding a dysfunctional person in your life, but not only that, you're gonna find yourself in a mediocre relationship wondering, scratching your head, what did I do wrong when you could have done things so much different earlier? That's my rant and I'm sticking to it. Does anyone agree with me? Please give me a thumbs up, please share this video, please subscribe to my channel. And if you need some love and support, check out the links below to a free discovery call to join my group called Midlife Love Mastery to purchase the books I recommend, all the links below. Also, I have a group on Facebook or YouTube. If you join the group, there's specialized videos I'm gonna give. And by the way, Marie's gonna be part of that too. So, I think that's gonna be a great place to wrap up for today. First off, I'm gonna give myself a big, gigantic John the Merrick of self love. I'm gonna reach into the camera and give you a hug of love if that's okay. I'm asking you to turn to someone, a pet, a teddy bear or a pillow, there's a teddy bear. Give it or them a hug of love because hugs are a great source of love. And let's face it, we could all use more love in our lives. Let's see. We have a lot of people saying thank you and thumbs up and appreciating it. We totally agree, Jonathan, thank you so much. Marilyn says, I agree. It's resonating. Thank you so much, folks. I wanna thank Elena and J.M. and Colleen and Sinstar and Marilyn and Sharon and Melanie and Margaret and Jennifer and Amanda and pa, pa, pa, pa, pa, oops. All right, folks. I think this will be a great place to wrap up. Be well. Have a great evening. Bye now.