 presents Barbara Britton and Jean Lockhart from Hollywood the mutual network in cooperation with family theater presents who am I starring Barbara Britton and now here is your host Jean Lockhart family theaters only purpose is to bring to everyone's attention a practice that must become an important part of our lives if we are to win peace for ourselves peace for our families and peace for the world family theater urges you to pray pray together as a family and now to our transcribed drama who am I starring Barbara Britton as Nina I don't remember being on the subway at all but from what we learned later I had gotten on at Lexington and then must have changed my mind about something because two stops later I got off and was running across the platform toward an uptown express that would have taken me right back where I came from when suddenly my heel caught on something I started to fall forward she must have tripped did you see her bang into that pillar sure she's breathing but she's out cold in the matril hey conductor you want it all right here all day get a doctor my bed was in a room high up in the building I could see rooftops from the window and beyond the river I found out later it was called the East River I didn't know that when I first woke up that had a lot of other things the name Nina Campbell doesn't mean anything to you no you're sure of that yes doctor by tracing the key tag in your coat pocket we found that you were registered under that name at a downtown hotel I'm sorry I don't know the name and you don't remember being on the subway or where you were going no you remember anything at all are there any pictures in your mind any images none that I understand it doesn't matter whether you understand them or not what are they just one I can think of now I'm writing on something a piece of heavy white paper but you don't know what you're writing no or where this is taking place I'm afraid I'm not much help and yet you realize certain basic things like this is a hospital in New York City yes and well that's what's strange I realize some of these things but well I didn't know that river out there was called the East River until the nurse told me have you any idea how this kind of amnesia loss of memory is brought about no but well I knew amnesia was loss of memory any idea how you knew that is it an uncommon thing to know I wouldn't say so I'm just trying to tap your subconscious sort of sneak up on it I hope you catch it no you'll have to learn to do this yourself you'll get flashes moments of recall now don't let them get away hold them in your mind write them down every detail you can remember no matter how silly it seems I will but well Dr. Page wasn't there any identification in my things at the hotel no you had was an overnight bag robe toothbrush cosmetics as it stands the the one clue is your signature down on that hotel register miss Nina Campbell no address given just New York City New York City eight million people half of whom go through their entire lives without ever meeting the other half I didn't know where to begin physically my head injury wasn't serious but Dr. Page insisted that I need a week or ten days of complete rest so I started searching for myself my telephone hello does a miss Nina Campbell live there Nina and I and a I see all right yes I must have the wrong number no nine a camel among the 75th Street Campbell Campbell yes nurse Dr. Page just phoned he's on his way upstairs did he say if the police had learned anything yet no he he didn't well it's only been three days but he's bringing another doctor with him to see you another doctor yes a specialist Dr. Elliott I thought Dr. Page was a specialist himself oh we is but in cases like this it's quite common to bring in a consultant well good morning I know good morning doctor how are the phone calls coming well I haven't found her yet I mean found me I know I want you to meet a good friend and colleague of mine this is Nina Campbell Dr. Charles Elliott how do you do doctor miss Campbell Dr. Elliott will be working closely with me on your case from now on and I expect you to give him your full confidence of course he's read your history brief as it is but I suggested that he stopped by this morning get acquainted then we can let you both move on together so to speak anything you say doctor fine well I've got some rounds to make I look in when I'm finished Charles fine doctor well miss Campbell suppose we start with a piece of heavy white paper that you were writing on do you recall anything more about that I'm afraid not is it possible that this is something you were signing you mean like the hotel register yes no it of course it's vague I can't be sure this is right at all but it well it seems smaller than a register and it was thick and was sort of folded it could have been a legal form of some sort you mean like a contractor something yes I suppose it could why would I be signing a contract well that's what I'm trying to help you remember doctor how is it I remember things like where certain streets are and the names of places and cities and and still not remember why I remember them or or when I was there before or anything like that for example well here in New York I know there's 3rd Avenue and Park Avenue and 5th Avenue and the Avenue of the Americans you missed one I did yes Madison Avenue I I don't remember any Madison Avenue maybe you don't want to why do you say that most cases of amnesia are a result of shock not just physical shock like being struck on the head but emotional shock a personal upheaval of some kind and emotional dislocation you think that's what happened to me something we have to consider then you're saying when I fell and struck my head that alone couldn't have done this to me there's no doubt it was a precipitating factor but but by itself it wouldn't have caused me to lose my memory miss Campbell in a hospital like this perhaps a dozen people a day are treated for head injuries that range all the way from skull fractures to superficial bruises but not one case in 10,000 develops even partial amnesia and yours is considerably more than partial I see from what you tell me I'm beginning to wonder if I wouldn't be better off not knowing who I am I should tell you that openly admitting that to yourself is an encouraging sign is it I'm generalizing a little now but I think it's safe to say that whatever caused this emotional upheaval was very probably connected with a conscious effort on your part not to be whoever you were to turn your back on it is that always a bad thing by no means an alcoholic for example can turn his back on the fact that he's a hopeless failure proceed to rehabilitate himself and become a new man all of the good well why couldn't that apply to what's happened to me well the ex-alcoholic one of his greatest sources of strength is the picture he carries in his mind of himself before he reformed he hates the picture and it's a healthy hate because it's a picture of him and his worst and it's right that he should never return to it his entire mental apparatus especially his subconscious realizes this and helps to keep the picture always before him well my subconscious seems to have wiped out every picture it's got except that paper I was writing on all right now follow the same reasoning as with the alcoholic just to see where it leads you my subconscious shows me a picture of me signing a paper and so far that's the only picture you mean that like the ex-alcoholics constant mental picture of himself as a drunk signing the paper is something I should hate apparently it's something you do hate why does that follow it's your subconscious after that every day for the next week either dr. Page or dr. Elliott came by to talk with me dr. Page maintained his professional reserve but Charles dr. Elliott became more like a friend it wasn't that he had anything at all in the way of a bedside manner in fact he stopped using any more technical talk after his first visit but I got the feeling that he was somehow troubled about something something personal that had nothing to do with his work and in a way I can't explain that made him a little more human and a lot easier to talk to any idea what you'll do when you're released from the hospital you mean for a living among other things my head is not much about it I can add I can read English I can't use a typewriter though how do you know I tried it last night I couldn't sleep so I walked down the hall to where the floor nurse was on duty and typing up reports or something I asked her to let me try it no good I'm all thumbs say maybe I'm a child of leisure and errors or something well you never know do I strike you as the errors type I think you're a little too pretty to be an aris I'll decide in a minute whether that's a compliment or an insult well it's mostly a compliment Charles do you mind if we don't talk about me for a while what is the subject that doesn't seem to be getting anywhere you mustn't be discouraged or it's not only that I'm getting used to feeling rather anonymous well I just like to get my mind off it for a while all right might be a good idea you feel like reading or resting no I like the conversation if well if you've got a little more time sure I know you must be busy no no not really all right let's talk about you do you have a family no live alone very much alone bachelor's apartment no I I've got a house out in Queens all to yourself yeah all of myself raised vegetables the tone is what color is it for two and you know they very white violet very pretty though Charles yes if I wanted to could I be released from the hospital sometime tomorrow suppose so why well then physically I'm perfectly well perfectly in that case do you suppose I could get a temporary release from here oh say three or four hours tonight well it's rather a regular but but it could be done depending on the reason just where is it you want to go out to dinner out to dinner where wherever you say time it didn't occur to me that I was doing anything wrong and asking Charles to take me out he was obviously lonely and I didn't know a soul in the world seemed like a good idea as far as the evening itself when it turned out to be a fine idea we had dinner in a little place over on 48th Street then we walked up to Times Square and well on the way Charles showed me Madison Avenue the street I didn't remember but it didn't ring any bells it was about 1030 when we said good night and I signed back in at the hospital as I stepped off the elevator at the sixth floor I noticed Fraser was on duty at the night desk Cinderella hello I wondered where you were this afternoon always switch around I'll be on nights for the next two weeks want some company well if you're sure you're not too tired I couldn't sleep if they paid me sit down do you have any trouble finding your way around tonight no but I probably would have had plenty if I tried it alone oh you had some company Charles Dr. Elliott took me out to dinner oh and then we walked around and I tried to remember whether I'd ever seen this building or that theater before but I didn't recognize anything you're rather fond of Dr. Elliott aren't you yes yes I am Miss Campbell maybe I should mind my own business but go ahead well you've got as much trouble on your hands right now as most people see in a lifetime try and remember who you are so you can put your life back together but what are you trying to tell me well I I just don't want you to make yourself any unhappier unhappier about what Dr. Elliott what about Dr. Elliott I happen to know he's married but he told me he didn't have any family technically I guess that's right he and his wife are separated there weren't any children are you sure of this it's just gossip but I'm afraid it's the kind of gossip that's always true he's not on the staff here but you know talk like this gets around yes I guess it does oh don't think you're the first miss Campbell what a lot of women fall in love with her doctor after I finally got to sleep that night I had a dream a bright clear terrible dream I was sitting in a large panel office somewhere high and a tall building on Madison Avenue all the chairs were posted in red leather and there was a big mahogany desk in front of me and behind the desk handing me a fountain pen was a heavy-set gray-haired man in a dark suit you'll just sign here yes mr. Rudley on the bottom line yes mr. Rudley your full name yes mr. Rudley all four copies take it easy I know it's wrong you've just been dreaming it's all right it's my real name I shouldn't have decided I I've been having a nightmare you're safe here in bed it's just been a bad dream I know I'm sorry but mr. Rudley wanted me that was his name but that was his name mr. Rudley on Madison Avenue I remember miss Campbell I've got to write it down Dr. Page said I have to hold these things I'll write it for you mr. Rudley on Madison Avenue mr. Rudley you'll be in the phone look Madison I look it up and call him miss Campbell's office he wouldn't be at his office at four I've got to come and find out who I am there wouldn't be anyone there now but there might be some not at this hour you can call him tomorrow tomorrow first thing all right as soon as you wake up I couldn't sleep for the rest of the night it started to get gray about six and I watched the sun lift out of the river and turn the rooftops blue and then red finally yellow and at a quarter past eight I started phoning there was only one mr. Rudley who had an office on Madison Avenue a James L. Rudley attorney at law and I rang his number again and again still no answer still no answer miss Campbell naturally I hope this Rudley person can throw some some light on the problem but you mustn't set your heart on it I was in his office doctor I know it if I were an artist I could draw a picture of the place but you can't remember what for to to sign something some paper have you spoken to dr. Elliott about this yet no he hasn't been in this morning well don't you think he should know about it you can tell him if you want to I I don't see that it matters one way or the other is anything wrong miss Campbell what could be wrong I I'm going to find out who I am in a little while I'll have some identity I'm very happy I oh this is miss Campbell would you try that number again for me please there's nothing wrong at all doctor hello can I speak to to mr. Rudley please speaking mr. Rudley this this is Nina Campbell who miss miss Nina Campbell I I was in your office sometime last week I think I was there to sign something oh yes yes I I didn't recognize your voice for a moment you remember me of course I just didn't expect you to be using that name did you get the tickets the tickets the plane tickets they should have been delivered your hotel yesterday what yes yes I got them but mr. Rudley I I have to ask you something it's very important but you may think it's silly is it about the case well yes I guess it must be well at the moment I'm awfully busy could you stop by and say about an hour well I'm just around the corner from your hotel anytime before noon will do I'll be expecting you mr. Rudley mr. Rudley well I lost my nerve I was afraid to ask him I've got an appointment at his office in an hour make sure you keep it I will it's the only way you'll ever stop running from yourself oh don't worry doctor I'm all through running it was almost 10 o'clock by the time I'd paid my bill and signed out of the hospital I decided to go back to my hotel first and see just what kind of plane tickets mr. Rudley had sent me so I started down the steps from the front of the hospital scanning the street for a cab I guess that's why I didn't see Charles until he was right in front of me good morning oh good morning you look like you're leaving I am leaving I I just talked on the phone with a man who can tell me who I am are you sure a man by the name of Rudley a lawyer I'm going over to his office right now well I'm very happy for you so the case is closed I'm cured what's wrong Nina nothing not a thing well in that case would you mind if I went along with you to see this mr. Rudley well there's no point in it I think there might be what difference can it make to you who I am I'm your doctor we got in a cab and started downtown neither have I said a word all the way when we pulled up in front of the building where Rudley's office was Charles helped me out of the cab and I stood there while he paid the driver then as we started toward the entrance something made me stop what's the matter I've been here before I remember it I I stood in front of this building do you remember when no but I I just come out of the building and I I looked up at it like this and I thought what did you think I can't remember but but it was bad I was unhappy and I and then I started walking down that way come on where are we going wherever it was you went that day but why because I want you to get back to yourself it's the only way you'll ever know no what what you want to do who you want to be come on where did you go next I started down this street and Charles I can't remember you got to remember now think you started down this street did you go to the corner no I did you get into a cab no but I I was riding on a bus the subway it was a subway are you sure yes Charles that must have been the day I was hurt come on and keep thinking we crossed the street and went down the steps to the subway all the time it kept coming back in bits and pieces I'd done this before come running down the steps and through the turnstile crying I remembered that I'd been crying and then and then hurried out onto the platform because a train was coming is this the one you took I think so you're sure it wasn't the one that was going up town I'm sure all right let's get on it the train started downtown as we swayed along through the outside darkness the tarnished yellow lights in the car flashed and flickered and I began to remember more and more at the next stop Charles looked at me but this wasn't the one it was the one after this the train merged forward again and I remembered getting up from my seat because what I had done was something I knew I'd regret all my life so I was going to go back and tell mr. oddly to forget it send me a bill and forget it everybody has fights bad fights they they happen in the best of families I remembered seeing the other light is as the train pulled to the stop and when the door flew open I ran out onto the platform because across the way I could see that a train going back up down and just come in and then someone grabbed me was this the platform nine do you remember I wouldn't have left you I wouldn't have left you I went to the lawyer and signed the complaint and used my maiden name to register at the hotel but I I wouldn't have left you are you sure of course I'm sure it was just still no it wasn't I do spend too much time at my work you faker you're not a psychiatrist I'm a pediatrician it's pretty close because they both start with P Nina I had to do it this way I know be sure how you felt did dr. page know about right from the beginning that's where I got all that jargon but he was the only one you even had to tell me what color my old petunias were I I've been watering them you're going up town folks no thanks we're going the other way home this is gene lockard again you know I can't help wondering if the title of tonight's story who am I is not a question it would do us all good to ask ourselves from time to time who am I now by that I don't mean American or French or Dutch or even narrowing it down a doctor or a banker or a housewife I mean more basically who am I to the one who made me am I the one who was born blind but who recognizes in every sound that I hear the voice of God am I the one who couldn't finish high school but who has labored long hours to support my wife and children and I the one whose name never appeared in the public registry but whose charity is known to everyone in the community who am I I am the product of God's hand the reproduction of what he wanted me to be I might not be just what I would want myself to be perfect in every respect but physically I am exactly as God wanted me to be and once I have received this gift of life from God's hand then I must use it and develop it so that I can give myself back to him just the way he wants me back my work is cut out for me by my state in life and my field of employment what kind of work I do is incidental but how I do it how I do it is the main thing if I do my best if I do an honest day's work whether it be at a desk at a lay or at the bedside of the sick then I am living part of my life as I should the other part my state in life will usually be determined by the position I hold in the family whether father mother or child and if I cooperate to make my family the perfect family full of understanding kindness and cooperation then I will be developing that other part of my life no matter whether I am working to support a family or working to unite a family I must always remember that I am not alone in this the God who made me knows who I am and cares who I am and he will help me if I ask through prayer and especially through family prayer remembering that the family that prays together stays together more things are wrought by prayer than this world dreams of from hollywood family theater has brought you transcribed who am I starring Barbara Britton gene Lockhart was your host others in our cast were Jeanette Nolan Frank Gerstle John Daner and John Stevenson the script was written and directed for family theater by John T Kelly with music composed and conducted by Harry Zimmerman this series of family theater broadcasts is made possible by the thousands of you who feel the need for this type of program by the mutual network which is responded to this need and by the hundreds of stars of stage screen and radio who give so unselfishly of their time and talent to appear on our family theater stage to them and to you our humble thanks this is George Crowe expressing the wish of family theater that the blessing of God may be upon you and your home and inviting you to be with us next week when family theater will present deadbeat starring paul percharney bing crossby will be your host join us won't you family theater is broadcast throughout the world and originates in the hollywood studios of the world's largest network this is mutual the radio network for all america